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1
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[brass fanfare]
2
00:00:05,464 --> 00:00:07,214
- Can you believe
we're at hephaestus'
3
00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:08,882
Technology convention?
4
00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:10,426
Are you so excited?
- Yeah.
5
00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:12,344
If there's two things
smart people love,
6
00:00:12,388 --> 00:00:15,055
It's huge crowds
and more smart people.
7
00:00:15,099 --> 00:00:17,433
Is that a giant automaton?
8
00:00:17,476 --> 00:00:19,685
I didn't even know
that was possible yet.
9
00:00:19,729 --> 00:00:21,103
- Welcome to volcon.
10
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,188
I am not an automaton.
11
00:00:23,274 --> 00:00:26,942
I am a living giant,
painted gold
12
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:29,194
And forced to repeat
this message
13
00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:31,113
By mechanized torture,
14
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,824
Which is arguably
more impressive.
15
00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,993
Welcome to volcon.
16
00:00:36,078 --> 00:00:38,871
- Ah, I should not
have looked up.
17
00:00:38,956 --> 00:00:39,997
- Were they painted gold?
18
00:00:40,082 --> 00:00:41,874
- Someone may have died trying.
19
00:00:41,959 --> 00:00:43,542
Tyrannis, you're happy
with my work
20
00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:44,793
As your inventor, right?
21
00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:46,920
You didn't, like,
bring me here to show me
22
00:00:47,006 --> 00:00:49,882
How replaceable I am?
- That's your take?
23
00:00:49,967 --> 00:00:51,592
How can the smartest guy
in my family
24
00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:54,428
Also be the most childish
and least secure?
25
00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:57,264
- I don't know, maybe years
of you saying stuff like that?
26
00:00:57,266 --> 00:00:59,099
- Hippocampus,
you're my big brother
27
00:00:59,143 --> 00:01:01,143
And a genius,
and I brought you here
28
00:01:01,187 --> 00:01:02,853
To connect with great thinkers.
29
00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:04,396
So, please, grow up and enjoy it
30
00:01:04,482 --> 00:01:07,941
Because I'm giving you
a priceless opportunity.
31
00:01:07,985 --> 00:01:10,069
- Two chickens, please.
- Two chick...
32
00:01:10,154 --> 00:01:12,613
I thought this was
a priceless opportunity.
33
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:14,114
- Two adults, two chickens.
34
00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:15,449
- This was our lunch and dinner.
35
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,035
- No outside food or drinks.
We do sell eggs.
36
00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:20,037
- Oh, I bet you do.
37
00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:23,207
[plucky music]
38
00:01:23,292 --> 00:01:30,422
♪ ♪
39
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:48,315
- [crowing]
40
00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,068
- [moos]
41
00:01:51,153 --> 00:01:52,444
- Where is everyone?
42
00:01:52,530 --> 00:01:54,530
- Ty and hippo
are at a tech convention,
43
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:57,199
And stupendous is adventuring,
leaving their parents
44
00:01:57,326 --> 00:02:00,035
An entire palace
for their erotic playground.
45
00:02:00,079 --> 00:02:02,287
- Aren't you, like, 5,000?
46
00:02:02,373 --> 00:02:04,790
How does sex still interest you?
47
00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,792
- I married the goddess of it.
48
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:08,961
- That was a test,
and you passed.
49
00:02:09,088 --> 00:02:10,254
Ooh.
- Mm.
50
00:02:10,297 --> 00:02:13,048
- I'm in the room.
- Why?
51
00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:15,843
- Emergency... I was adventuring
with my friend felix,
52
00:02:15,928 --> 00:02:16,969
And we started fighting
a medusa.
53
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:18,303
- The medusa.
- What?
54
00:02:18,347 --> 00:02:20,848
- Medusa is one
of several gorgons.
55
00:02:20,933 --> 00:02:24,059
You can fight
the medusa or a gorgon.
56
00:02:24,103 --> 00:02:25,936
You can't fight a medusa.
57
00:02:25,980 --> 00:02:28,063
- I don't think felix cares.
58
00:02:28,107 --> 00:02:30,149
I need a ride to the nearest
temple of athena.
59
00:02:30,234 --> 00:02:31,441
- Why?
60
00:02:31,610 --> 00:02:33,694
- The only way to reverse
a medusa stoning is to...
61
00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:35,737
- Gorgon stoning.
- Do you want to die today?
62
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,197
- I'll stop helping.
63
00:02:37,283 --> 00:02:40,159
- The only way to reverse this
is a sacrifice to athena.
64
00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:43,537
- Ha, you do realize athena
created the gorgons,
65
00:02:43,581 --> 00:02:44,746
Which include medusa?
66
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:46,039
- Thank you.
- So?
67
00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:48,500
- So her crappy monster
turns people to stone,
68
00:02:48,586 --> 00:02:51,086
And the only way to undo it
is to worship her?
69
00:02:51,130 --> 00:02:53,172
Talk about a scam.
70
00:02:53,257 --> 00:02:55,257
- Can we talk about it
on the way to the temple?
71
00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:58,177
- I'm not flying my daughter
back to that hack's temple
72
00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,053
To reverse her clumsy cursing.
73
00:03:00,097 --> 00:03:01,889
I'll turn your friend
back to flesh myself.
74
00:03:01,974 --> 00:03:03,015
- You can do that?
75
00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,850
- Did she just ask
if I can do that?
76
00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:06,852
- She did.
- I'm sorry?
77
00:03:06,896 --> 00:03:08,896
- Give me your stupid friend.
78
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:13,066
You can do that?
That's you.
79
00:03:13,152 --> 00:03:15,652
- Can she do it?
- Not sure.
80
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,447
[deep plucky music]
81
00:03:19,074 --> 00:03:20,490
- What's your invention, friend?
82
00:03:20,534 --> 00:03:23,160
- A standard unit of measure
called the ned.
83
00:03:23,245 --> 00:03:25,245
This stick is a quarter ned.
84
00:03:25,331 --> 00:03:28,790
You are 3 and 1/2 quarter neds.
- I suppose you're ned.
85
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,250
- Easy to remember.
86
00:03:30,294 --> 00:03:32,169
- We should use
the ned system back home.
87
00:03:32,254 --> 00:03:34,671
- I can measure things
with my own height.
88
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,882
- What are you, like, 3/4 ned?
89
00:03:36,967 --> 00:03:38,550
That's a lot
of extra calculations
90
00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:39,843
Just to service your vanity.
91
00:03:39,929 --> 00:03:41,511
- I officially hate it here.
92
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:43,222
- Because you think
it's a competition.
93
00:03:43,265 --> 00:03:45,057
You practically
attacked the creator
94
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,725
Of the miniature bucket.
- It's a cup!
95
00:03:46,769 --> 00:03:48,227
- So?
96
00:03:48,312 --> 00:03:50,317
You know what's more useful
than one genius, hippocampus?
97
00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,023
100 neds,
willing to work together.
98
00:03:53,067 --> 00:03:55,067
- Hey, do not use me
as a metric of...
99
00:03:55,152 --> 00:03:57,569
I mean,
do use me as a metric, but...
100
00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:58,820
- I was right.
101
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:01,731
You brought me here
because you think I'm useless.
102
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,200
- I never said that.
103
00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:04,868
But have you ever
invented anything
104
00:04:04,954 --> 00:04:06,203
That anyone actually asked for?
105
00:04:06,288 --> 00:04:08,622
- That wouldn't
be very inventive, would it?
106
00:04:08,666 --> 00:04:09,957
[laughter]
107
00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:11,333
- Must be nice.
108
00:04:11,335 --> 00:04:13,669
Ned, where's
the hephaestus panel happening?
109
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,420
- It's about 30 stevens south...
110
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:16,588
Neds, 30 neds.
111
00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:18,090
- Did you say 30 stevens?
112
00:04:18,175 --> 00:04:19,841
- Slip of the tongue... 30 neds.
113
00:04:19,927 --> 00:04:22,386
- Who's steven?
- Exactly.
114
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:24,846
- Ma, can I just have
my friend back?
115
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,182
I'm coming in.
She bailed.
116
00:04:27,268 --> 00:04:29,268
- That's not like her.
- Yes, it is.
117
00:04:29,353 --> 00:04:30,352
- Fair enough.
118
00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:32,437
- Someone open
this door, please.
119
00:04:32,523 --> 00:04:33,730
Thank you.
120
00:04:33,899 --> 00:04:35,899
But if you're going to be
in here, cover your eye.
121
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:38,610
- Is that the medusa?
- Not for long.
122
00:04:38,696 --> 00:04:39,945
- [hissing]
123
00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,363
- Yes, darling,
get over yourself.
124
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:44,574
You are henceforth,
"reversadusa."
125
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,160
- [hissing]
126
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:49,830
- Easy, girl, easy.
- What's a "reversadusa"?
127
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,331
- I think it's self-explanatory.
128
00:04:51,417 --> 00:04:53,709
Turn the statue to look at her.
Hey. Hey. Here.
129
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,295
Psst.
Over here, here, honey.
130
00:04:59,425 --> 00:05:02,175
Ah, hmm.
Should have seen that coming.
131
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:04,970
- Did it work?
- I have a process.
132
00:05:05,055 --> 00:05:09,141
- Hello, volcon!
I'm chris hardwick.
133
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:12,060
I'm moderating this panel
and, due to a curse,
134
00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:13,359
All panels
until the end of time.
135
00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,772
But hey, you didn't sleep
outside on the gravel
136
00:05:15,858 --> 00:05:17,816
For a month to hear my story.
137
00:05:17,901 --> 00:05:20,902
You waited to see
the god of making stuff,
138
00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:24,656
The father of forges,
the master of metal,
139
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,742
Hephaestus!
140
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,745
[triumphant orchestral music]
141
00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:33,040
♪ ♪
142
00:05:33,083 --> 00:05:34,708
- Huh? Huh?
Pretty cool.
143
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:35,793
- Whatever.
144
00:05:35,919 --> 00:05:37,377
- Let them hear you, guys.
145
00:05:37,463 --> 00:05:42,174
Oh, hephaestus,
where is your hammer?
146
00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:44,926
Oh, no, everyone,
hephaestus doesn't seem
147
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:46,303
To have his... oh, wait a minute.
148
00:05:46,347 --> 00:05:51,058
What is happening right now?
Oh, my gods!
149
00:05:51,143 --> 00:05:54,436
[cheers and applause]
150
00:05:54,563 --> 00:05:55,979
Come on!
151
00:05:56,065 --> 00:05:58,899
[laughs]
wow!
152
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:01,860
That is why you come
to volcon, folks.
153
00:06:01,904 --> 00:06:03,195
It ain't for the eggs.
154
00:06:03,238 --> 00:06:05,739
Hephaestus, what are you
working on these days?
155
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:08,950
- I'm making a new hat
for hermes with smaller wings.
156
00:06:09,078 --> 00:06:09,826
- Pfft.
- Don't do that.
157
00:06:09,912 --> 00:06:11,203
- Don't tell me what to do.
158
00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:15,207
- And I'm working on a chariot
for apollo, the sun god.
159
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,250
- What's apollo like?
- Hot, chris.
160
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:19,044
- [laughs]
- pfft.
161
00:06:19,088 --> 00:06:22,297
- I'm sorry, someone keeps
making a very critical,
162
00:06:22,383 --> 00:06:25,217
Unimpressed, pfft sound.
- It's a tech convention.
163
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:27,016
You know, half the audience
just breathes weird.
164
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:28,225
- I think it was that guy there,
165
00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:30,847
The guy with the glass helmet.
- It's okay.
166
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:32,682
He's my brother,
and he's non-verbal.
167
00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:34,017
- That's not true.
168
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:35,477
- More of a half-brother,
really.
169
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,188
- Why are you using your talent
to make toys and trinkets
170
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,898
For a bunch of royal normies
171
00:06:39,942 --> 00:06:41,316
That are never
gonna respect you?
172
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,193
- I've never met
this man in my life.
173
00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,445
- Oh, you're expert on respect,
are you?
174
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:48,115
Should I respect you more
than all these other fans
175
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,950
Because, why,
because you're more jaded?
176
00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:51,368
Less polite?
177
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:55,455
- Because I picked the lock
you made for prometheus.
178
00:06:55,499 --> 00:06:57,332
[audience gasps]
179
00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:02,504
- What the...?
- How'd you make this?
180
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:04,923
- It's complicated.
- What's your name?
181
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:08,301
- Hippocampus.
- That is a stupid name.
182
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:12,347
But guys like us have
to work with what we're given.
183
00:07:12,391 --> 00:07:16,017
This is my new friend,
hippocampus the great.
184
00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:17,018
[cheers and applause]
185
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,229
- That's my brother.
186
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:23,817
- Oh, my goodness.
- Yeah.
187
00:07:23,861 --> 00:07:25,944
Hey, I'll see you guys there.
188
00:07:26,029 --> 00:07:29,156
I'm going on a tour
of hephaestus' volcano.
189
00:07:29,199 --> 00:07:31,450
- Is that a plus-one situation?
190
00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,243
- I could ask.
191
00:07:33,287 --> 00:07:35,495
I just don't want to seem
rude or unprofessional though.
192
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:36,788
- Right, not anymore.
193
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,165
I'll just go wait on the boat
194
00:07:38,208 --> 00:07:40,876
And fondly remember
my two chickens.
195
00:07:40,919 --> 00:07:43,003
- You mad?
- No, I'm happy for you.
196
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:45,046
- You did want me
to connect with great thinkers.
197
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:46,965
Speaking of, there's this girl...
198
00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:48,049
She wants to have lunch.
199
00:07:48,093 --> 00:07:50,177
She has an idea called paper.
200
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:53,346
It's like foldable clay.
- I'd love to meet her.
201
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:55,515
- Oh, well,
it's a creative thing.
202
00:07:55,601 --> 00:07:59,728
- Yeah, like the volcano tour.
- Priceless opportunities.
203
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,095
I'll meet you at the boat.
204
00:08:01,106 --> 00:08:03,231
- I'll be there, probably.
205
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:07,777
Paper sounds stupid.
I hope the volcano erupts.
206
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:10,572
Oh... ooh.
- Do not look at my balls.
207
00:08:10,657 --> 00:08:12,115
- Sorry. Sorry.
208
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:14,576
- No, wait. Wait.
Please, please!
209
00:08:14,620 --> 00:08:16,828
- Shlub, you're the only one
she's gonna listen to.
210
00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:19,122
- Yes, because she trusts me.
- Yes.
211
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,250
So tell her to let this go
so I can take felix to athena.
212
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:24,044
- Then she'll stop trusting me.
213
00:08:24,087 --> 00:08:25,662
- I don't think
you know what trust is.
214
00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,215
- Well, in strict terms,
it's a belief in reliability,
215
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,425
As one might trust
a wall to hold a ceiling.
216
00:08:30,552 --> 00:08:32,344
Interpersonally,
it's knowing another
217
00:08:32,387 --> 00:08:34,304
Has your best interests
at heart.
218
00:08:34,348 --> 00:08:36,932
- Okay, maybe you do know
what it is.
219
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:39,100
But I also think
you're just scared to say stuff
220
00:08:39,228 --> 00:08:41,228
She doesn't want to hear.
- A fine distinction.
221
00:08:41,313 --> 00:08:43,355
Let's discuss it
over a drink while your mother
222
00:08:43,398 --> 00:08:45,899
Does whatever she wants
and trusts me to support it.
223
00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:48,068
- Or...
- Or what?
224
00:08:48,111 --> 00:08:51,112
- Just sit still, please!
225
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,323
- [screams] help us.
226
00:08:53,367 --> 00:08:56,451
- What?
You can't sculpt without clay.
227
00:08:58,121 --> 00:08:59,454
Oh, I thought
I had at that time.
228
00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:01,748
Don't worry.
It's all part of the process.
229
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:03,708
Trust the process.
230
00:09:03,794 --> 00:09:05,252
- Such a cool workshop.
231
00:09:05,337 --> 00:09:07,837
- It actually
used to be a volcano.
232
00:09:07,923 --> 00:09:09,214
- Hard to believe.
233
00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:11,132
Aren't you gonna ask
how I picked your lock?
234
00:09:11,176 --> 00:09:12,676
- You turned the third cylinder.
235
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:13,885
I designed it that way.
236
00:09:13,929 --> 00:09:15,720
- Who designs
a lock to be picked?
237
00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:18,515
- Come here.
238
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:25,105
You know, I was also born
with certain challenges.
239
00:09:25,190 --> 00:09:29,693
- No offense, heph,
I can't breathe or walk.
240
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:32,279
But I will allow the comparison.
241
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,656
- When I was born,
my parents threw me away.
242
00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:36,116
I don't mean that figuratively.
243
00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,118
My dad could throw, you know?
244
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:39,953
He threw lightning for a living.
245
00:09:40,038 --> 00:09:41,121
I went...
[whistling]
246
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:43,081
Far.
- That sucks.
247
00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:44,833
- Glad it happened.
Made me what I am.
248
00:09:44,876 --> 00:09:46,918
You know who my wife is?
- Aphrodite.
249
00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:48,545
- And what's that say
about the gods?
250
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,089
- They're tolerant of incest?
- You know what family is?
251
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:53,008
I figured this out.
It's a disease.
252
00:09:53,051 --> 00:09:54,509
You're born with it.
253
00:09:54,553 --> 00:09:56,845
You have no say in the one
you get, and you don't need it,
254
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,847
But, boy, does it need you.
255
00:09:58,932 --> 00:10:00,307
I designed that lock
to be picked
256
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:03,018
Because my father
is an insane bully,
257
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:05,228
Just like prometheus,
just like heracles,
258
00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:07,814
Who everyone thinks
freed prometheus
259
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:09,983
Because handsome, stupid asses
260
00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:11,359
Think they run the world.
261
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:15,947
And that's how ugly,
smart people like it.
262
00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:19,784
- Is it possible
for the brain to get a boner?
263
00:10:19,828 --> 00:10:22,120
[upbeat music]
264
00:10:22,122 --> 00:10:24,080
- Got anything warm
and comforting?
265
00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:26,082
- My mother-in-law is lactating.
266
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:27,334
- I'll have a beer.
267
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,711
- Hey, want to hear
a derogatory joke
268
00:10:29,755 --> 00:10:30,755
About inventors?
269
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,213
I assume you're also a king
270
00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:34,716
That paid to bring
his science dork here
271
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:35,884
And got ditched?
272
00:10:35,927 --> 00:10:37,594
I'm minos from crete.
273
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,722
- Tyrannis, krapopolis.
What's the joke?
274
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,682
- What do you get
what an inventor
275
00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,476
Crosses your wife with a bull?
276
00:10:44,519 --> 00:10:49,064
A flesh-eating monstrosity that
has to be kept in a labyrinth.
277
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,650
I guess you had to be there.
- Ah!
278
00:10:51,735 --> 00:10:53,318
Ugh, what is this?
279
00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:55,320
- Oh, you ordered the beer.
So sorry.
280
00:10:55,364 --> 00:10:57,030
- Well, don't give me
that one now.
281
00:10:57,074 --> 00:10:59,157
- New one's gonna take a while.
282
00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:02,911
- Then I'll have a free beer
while I wait.
283
00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:07,957
Non-kings.
- Oh, non-kings.
284
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,210
- How long are you gonna
let this go on for?
285
00:11:10,295 --> 00:11:11,920
- I don't see
any downside to letting
286
00:11:11,963 --> 00:11:13,213
Your mother keep trying.
[villagers screaming]
287
00:11:13,256 --> 00:11:15,757
- I think they might see
a downside.
288
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:19,427
- Damn it!
Double damn it!
289
00:11:19,513 --> 00:11:20,720
[knocking]
290
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,555
- What do you want?
291
00:11:22,641 --> 00:11:24,432
I've got to work this out
before the shipment
292
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:27,310
Of new servants
gets here from thebes.
293
00:11:27,396 --> 00:11:29,104
- I think it might be time
for you to admit
294
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,440
You don't know how to reverse
a medusa stoning
295
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:33,650
And give up.
296
00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:35,151
- Hubris!
297
00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:37,112
[gasps]
what have I done?
298
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:39,280
- Don't blame yourself.
This is mostly my fault.
299
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:41,366
I saw you struggling,
and I let you go on
300
00:11:41,451 --> 00:11:43,368
Because I didn't want
to hurt your feelings.
301
00:11:43,453 --> 00:11:46,079
- No, I've been so consumed
with proving
302
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:48,790
I could undo
athena's hacky monster nonsense
303
00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:51,126
That I overreacted a bit.
304
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,169
- At least I know stupendous
won't eat me.
305
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:57,465
That girl's never touched
a vegetable in her entire life.
306
00:12:03,014 --> 00:12:04,681
- Where have you been?
307
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,224
Are you hungover?
308
00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:07,934
- It's called still being drunk.
309
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,227
There's a difference.
310
00:12:09,312 --> 00:12:11,187
- Hephaestus offered me a job.
311
00:12:11,273 --> 00:12:13,648
- So why are you even here?
- What's that mean?
312
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:14,821
I want to talk to you about it.
313
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:16,317
- You mean gloat about it.
314
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:20,113
You want me to beg you
to do me the favor of breeding
315
00:12:20,157 --> 00:12:21,322
My wife with a bull?
316
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,533
- When did you get either
of those things?
317
00:12:23,618 --> 00:12:24,826
- It's a metaphor.
318
00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,536
- You're the one
that called me useless!
319
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:27,746
- Is that what I said?
320
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:30,123
You're so creative
about remembering what I say,
321
00:12:30,208 --> 00:12:33,042
Do you remember me asking you
to invent written language?
322
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,086
- It's a bad idea.
323
00:12:35,172 --> 00:12:36,713
- I'll have to take
your word for it.
324
00:12:36,798 --> 00:12:39,257
I guess everything I ask for
is beneath your genius,
325
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:41,301
So it's no loss
to me if you quit.
326
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:44,012
- Now there's an idea
I can get behind.
327
00:12:44,055 --> 00:12:45,472
- Wow.
I did it, everybody.
328
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:49,017
I finally got smart enough
to know it's all about him.
329
00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:50,185
- Hate you!
- Hate you!
330
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:51,686
- Nerd fight.
- Nerd fight.
331
00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:52,979
- Nerd fight.
332
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:54,981
- Nerd fight.
- Guys, stop nerd fighting.
333
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:56,983
- I'm a king.
- Okay, well...
334
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,151
- I know I'm nerdy for a king.
335
00:12:58,195 --> 00:12:59,366
That doesn't make it
a nerd fight.
336
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,280
- What's this all about?
- Just saying goodbye.
337
00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:04,783
- What about all your stuff?
- Give it away.
338
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:08,328
- Even your fully articulated,
life-size wooden lady?
339
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:09,584
- I don't know
what you're describing,
340
00:13:09,664 --> 00:13:11,915
But it sounds way less shameful
than snooping.
341
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,208
Goodbye, tyrannis.
342
00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:14,918
- Oh, I'm not leaving just yet.
343
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:17,128
I'm on an island
full of your replacements.
344
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:19,088
- Is everything... steven?
345
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:21,966
- Ned, I heard
about your ned system.
346
00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:25,595
Sounds familiar.
- Easy, steven.
347
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:27,597
[both grunting]
348
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,432
- Nerd fight?
349
00:13:33,522 --> 00:13:36,356
- Hey, there's my superstar.
- Can't wait to start.
350
00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:38,691
- I know you're not a rule guy,
and you're in luck.
351
00:13:38,819 --> 00:13:39,692
There are none.
352
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:41,152
- [laughs] yeah!
353
00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:43,863
- Here's your workstation.
- Got it. What do I do first?
354
00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,949
- First, you never
ask that again.
355
00:13:46,034 --> 00:13:47,394
- Sorry.
- I really mean it, hippo.
356
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,994
Your job here
is simply to create,
357
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:52,121
Preferably three or four things
before sundown.
358
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,706
And if anything you come up with
359
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:57,377
Becomes a hephaestus original,
well, there's upward movement.
360
00:13:57,462 --> 00:14:01,631
- So my job is to create
hephaestus originals?
361
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:05,218
- Okay, don't flatter yourself.
I'm not exploiting you.
362
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:08,221
By the time I'm done
making your stuff work,
363
00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:10,265
You'll be the one getting
the undeserved credit,
364
00:14:10,308 --> 00:14:12,141
Which trust me, you will take
365
00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:14,143
When you leave me
for a better job.
366
00:14:14,229 --> 00:14:17,188
- Oh, I'm not gonna leave.
- Oh, yes, you will.
367
00:14:17,232 --> 00:14:20,149
You didn't get here by being
loyal to your stupid brother,
368
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:21,943
Did you?
It's okay.
369
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,988
I expect you to leave.
I'm not stupid.
370
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:29,284
I'm arguably the god
of the opposite of stupid.
371
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:31,786
And I'd rather work
with genuine talent
372
00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:34,372
Than phony sycophants!
373
00:14:34,416 --> 00:14:37,041
- Maybe I can be both.
- I welcome the attempt.
374
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:38,835
People do earn my trust...
375
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:40,712
To an extent.
376
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:44,007
Aphrodite married me because
I have the only heart
377
00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:46,175
Even she can't find.
378
00:14:46,261 --> 00:14:48,511
- That's pretty dark, boss.
379
00:14:48,597 --> 00:14:49,804
- [laughs]
380
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:51,139
We're pieces of work, aren't we?
381
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:54,142
Don't get back to work.
382
00:14:54,185 --> 00:14:56,895
- [sighs] living the dream.
383
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,981
- So you'd call yourself
a collaborative inventor?
384
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,358
- Yes, I believe
it's more important
385
00:15:02,444 --> 00:15:05,570
To collaborate than innovate.
- Ah, so refreshing.
386
00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:08,072
I'm interested in my city
developing written language.
387
00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:09,949
- Nope, not a thing.
- Not a thing?
388
00:15:09,993 --> 00:15:13,328
- Human speak words
and they draw pictures.
389
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:16,164
Nobody can draw
pictures of words.
390
00:15:16,291 --> 00:15:20,084
That's nonsense.
- And is this us collaborating?
391
00:15:20,211 --> 00:15:22,128
- Well, there's collaborating,
392
00:15:22,213 --> 00:15:24,297
And there's indulging
childish fantasy.
393
00:15:24,382 --> 00:15:27,133
You see some futuristic world
where people are writing
394
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:30,011
Everything down and,
what was the other thing?
395
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,472
Pooping into tubes
that transport feces
396
00:15:32,515 --> 00:15:35,266
To a new location
after leaving the butt?
397
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,143
- Well, you're making
it sound like...
398
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:38,978
- Who even spends time
thinking about this?
399
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:40,480
- Preferably someone
in your position.
400
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:45,109
- Then I'm afraid
this interview is over.
401
00:15:45,195 --> 00:15:47,236
- You'll be back
to your stunning self
402
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,113
In no time, darling,
but if you can,
403
00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,990
Do try not to snack on you.
404
00:15:51,076 --> 00:15:53,076
- As long as no one
invents ranch dressing
405
00:15:53,161 --> 00:15:55,286
In the near future,
I should be all right.
406
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,830
- I'm glad you guys
are having personal growth,
407
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,415
But felix has kids.
408
00:15:59,501 --> 00:16:02,543
- And that is why you should
take him to athena's temple,
409
00:16:02,587 --> 00:16:05,213
Which I now allow because
I am capable of everything,
410
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,715
Including change.
- Okay.
411
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:08,930
And you'll give me a ride there
412
00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:10,468
Since I could have walked
by now.
413
00:16:10,512 --> 00:16:11,512
- I was just vulnerable.
414
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,012
You don't get two things.
Piss off.
415
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:14,472
- That's on-brand.
416
00:16:14,516 --> 00:16:16,224
Would you at least keep
an eye on felix while I pack?
417
00:16:16,267 --> 00:16:19,102
- Fine.
- You're an amazing mother.
418
00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,145
- And you're still sexy,
even as part carrot.
419
00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:24,107
- Oh, you naughty deity.
Oh, yes.
420
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:25,984
Now you're talking.
421
00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:27,902
No, I want him to watch.
422
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:30,488
Very good.
Oh, yes.
423
00:16:30,615 --> 00:16:31,531
Oh, here we go.
424
00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,700
[indistinct chatter]
425
00:16:33,743 --> 00:16:36,119
- [sighs]
426
00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,079
What's the excitement?
427
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,289
- There's a king interviewing
inventors at the dock.
428
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:44,002
Whoever gets the job gets
an entire lab in his palace...
429
00:16:44,129 --> 00:16:46,254
With underground lair.
430
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:48,381
- That's my...
Definition of a nightmare,
431
00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:50,041
Probably in the middle
of nowhere.
432
00:16:50,093 --> 00:16:52,093
- Good.
Small pond, big fish.
433
00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:54,721
Sorry, is that offensive to you?
434
00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:56,014
- I'll get over it.
435
00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:57,390
- I hear this king is interested
436
00:16:57,475 --> 00:17:00,435
In some pretty out-there stuff:
A sewage system,
437
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:01,978
Written language.
438
00:17:02,063 --> 00:17:03,980
- See, now that's offensive.
439
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:05,523
I mean, is he a king
or a creative?
440
00:17:05,567 --> 00:17:08,026
Hephaestus doesn't even care
what we invent.
441
00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:09,193
- You got that right.
442
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:10,737
- This king
you're talking about,
443
00:17:10,822 --> 00:17:12,155
He'll be all up in your stuff.
444
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,990
How's it going?
What are you working on?
445
00:17:14,075 --> 00:17:15,283
I have thoughts.
446
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:17,076
He's going to think he owns you.
447
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:20,246
- Free lab, room and board.
Um, own me, daddy.
448
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:22,957
- Seriously, but please,
don't apply for the job.
449
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:24,584
You'd just get it.
450
00:17:24,669 --> 00:17:26,961
- Yeah, it's always the people
that don't give a crap.
451
00:17:27,047 --> 00:17:30,006
[pensive music]
452
00:17:30,050 --> 00:17:35,678
♪ ♪
453
00:17:35,764 --> 00:17:38,723
- You can put your inventions
down wherever there's space.
454
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,016
- Thanks.
What you working on?
455
00:17:40,101 --> 00:17:42,435
- A hat for hermes.
- Third one?
456
00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:43,394
- He had thoughts.
457
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:46,189
- Hermes had thoughts
about his hat,
458
00:17:46,232 --> 00:17:48,024
And here, you're surrounded by...
459
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,734
What's this?
- I don't know.
460
00:17:49,819 --> 00:17:51,152
It's called a computer.
461
00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,279
It's a machine that calculates...
462
00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:55,328
Why do you feel comfortable
interrupting me like this?
463
00:17:55,408 --> 00:17:57,200
Are you unfamiliar
with being fired?
464
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:58,618
- I guess I've only ever quit.
465
00:17:58,703 --> 00:18:01,621
A machine that calculates?
- Oh, does that impress you?
466
00:18:01,664 --> 00:18:04,707
- It might be a little more
important than a third draft
467
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,125
Of hermes's hat.
468
00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:07,794
- Well, can I show you
something even better?
469
00:18:07,837 --> 00:18:09,587
- Yeah!
470
00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:11,047
Dude?
471
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,590
- Dude!
Wait.
472
00:18:12,675 --> 00:18:13,716
It gets better.
473
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:14,884
Look at this.
474
00:18:14,969 --> 00:18:16,552
What do you think, dude?
475
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:18,096
You like that, dude?
476
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,347
- Why?
Why?
477
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:22,225
- Because it's not
what you wanted.
478
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:26,145
So now you understand,
you don't control me.
479
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:28,397
- But hermes does?
- No!
480
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:33,111
You insipid little fish man,
I control everything.
481
00:18:33,238 --> 00:18:37,406
I choose my jobs.
I choose my goals.
482
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:40,952
I have already finished proving
I am better than everyone
483
00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:43,746
And that I don't need anyone.
484
00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:45,414
I guess you haven't proven that?
485
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,501
I have!
It's a thing you can prove.
486
00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:52,380
And do you know what I now
have decided to make happen?
487
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:56,050
- You want them to like you.
- There you go, buddy!
488
00:18:56,136 --> 00:18:58,010
There you go.
489
00:18:58,054 --> 00:19:00,179
Is that okay with you?
490
00:19:01,141 --> 00:19:03,891
Remember when your brother tried
491
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:06,060
To protect you at the panel?
492
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:11,732
Nobody in my family, nobody,
has done that for me.
493
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:16,279
- Ty, wait!
494
00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:20,074
Ty!
- Hold on one moment.
495
00:19:20,118 --> 00:19:21,826
- Excuse me.
Excuse me.
496
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:25,204
- Hippo!
- Ty!
497
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:27,957
I'm sorry.
- I am too.
498
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:29,417
What happened?
499
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,419
- Well, I was definitely
right to change jobs
500
00:19:31,462 --> 00:19:33,171
Because I'm right
about everything,
501
00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:35,173
Which is why I had to leave.
502
00:19:35,258 --> 00:19:37,008
They found me
mentally intimidating
503
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:39,635
And distracting sexually.
504
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:42,054
- That's truly unbelievable.
505
00:19:42,098 --> 00:19:44,432
But I'm glad it happened
because you're irreplaceable.
506
00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:47,560
- I would have invented
your brains out.
507
00:19:47,687 --> 00:19:48,687
Lab wrecker.
508
00:19:50,106 --> 00:19:52,481
- Who was that?
- I didn't see anybody.
509
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:55,735
- Hephaestus thanks you
for attending volcon.
510
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:57,737
I am not an automaton.
511
00:19:57,822 --> 00:19:59,906
I am a living, suffering giant.
512
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,282
Have a safe journey home.
513
00:20:01,367 --> 00:20:04,327
My joints are limited
to predefined movements
514
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,954
Carried out by
a complex system of gears.
515
00:20:07,081 --> 00:20:09,749
We look forward
to seeing you next year.
516
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,584
Enjoy your lives.
517
00:20:11,628 --> 00:20:12,752
They could be worse.
518
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:14,128
I have a family.
519
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:16,714
I'm a foodie.
I love to travel.
520
00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:21,344
Tell my story, but also,
tell the world about volcon.
521
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:24,889
I have had an itch
on my back for over a year.
522
00:20:24,974 --> 00:20:27,016
Someone, please scratch it.
523
00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:29,268
And please, come back to volcon.
524
00:20:29,354 --> 00:20:32,188
Before this,
I was a giant doctor.
525
00:20:32,273 --> 00:20:34,106
I saved people's lives,
526
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,141
The way you should save the date
527
00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:38,444
For next year's volcon.
528
00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:56,212
- Ah.
529
00:20:59,634 --> 00:21:02,593
[indistinct chatter]
530
00:21:06,057 --> 00:21:10,810
[sighs]
hello, print-con!
531
00:21:10,895 --> 00:21:12,144
I'm chris hardwick.
532
00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:14,855
I'm moderating this panel
and, due to a curse,
533
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,974
All panels
until the end of time.
534
00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:19,735
But you didn't sleep
on a pile of plague rats
535
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,570
For a month to hear about me.
536
00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:24,115
You're here
for the prince of the press,
537
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:29,537
The mage of the page,
johann gutenberg!
538
00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,080
- Did you get any of that?
539
00:21:33,668 --> 00:21:35,126
- Bento.
540
00:21:35,206 --> 00:21:37,206
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