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WATER SAFETY
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Fall in, people.
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Today I'm gonna teach you
about basic water safety.
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Is that clear?
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Butt-Head, what is your problem?
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I can't seem to take my
eyes off this girl's butt, sir.
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Well, I'm gonna take your
eyes out of your sockets
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and stick 'em up your butt
if you don't pay attention.
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Now, lesson one,
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- the doggy paddle.
- Doggy style?
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Yeah. Doggy style.
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Now, when you arrive
at the point of exhaustion
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you might utilize the body's
natural tendency to float.
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He's a "flatuer".
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Yeah.
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Butt-Head, do you
find this amusing?
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No.
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No.
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There's like,
a bunch of water falling down.
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Yeah, yeah, and some mud!
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Yeah.
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- A chick in the rain.
- Yeah, yeah. And a dog.
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- I guess that's pretty cool.
- Yeah, yeah.
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Water, water, WATER! WATER!
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- That chick needs a raincoat.
- Yeah.
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Hey Beavis.
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Do you like, uh... have a raincoat?
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Yeah.
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When was the last
time you used it?
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Last night! On your mom!
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Dammit, Beavis!
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Hey Butt-Head, you know
how, like, when it rains
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like, aftewards you go on the street
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like, all the earth worms come
out, step on 'em and they go:
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Yeah.
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Mud is cool!
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Mud rules!
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How come these guys are,
like, playing out in the mud?
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Well, it's either because they're
really stupid or really cool.
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Shut up, Beavis!
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Thank you, miss Morgendorffer.
Next! Butt-Head!
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Please demonstrate your
mastery of floating.
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I said Butt-Head!
Where are you, Butt-Head?
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He's over there.
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- Daaamn!
- Beavis!
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You will save your
friend's life! NOW!
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Okay.
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Ah! It's too cold.
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Miss Morgendorffer, please
commandeer my clipboard and whistle.
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This sucks!
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Butt-Head, do you have an explanation
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for your unspeakable behavior?
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I was dead.
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- Yeah. He looks dead.
- Do your or do you not
55
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have a reason for placing my
life and accreditation at risk?
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I can't swim.
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Yeah. Me too.
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And what about your
patent disregard for Beavis?
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Do you not care a rat's ass for the
safety of your closest companion?
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00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:50,421
No.
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- Yeah. No.
- Listen up, people!
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I am moving this class to the
nurse's station immediatly!
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It's obvious you people need to
learn life saving techniques
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as well as the code of the sea.
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Ok, class.
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Beavis and Butt-Head
have volunteered
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to serve as CPR dummies for
our medical emergency lesson.
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Oh, gross.
69
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Their extremities have been incapacitated
70
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to simulate the paralysis characteristic
71
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to a pool trauma victim.
Fall in, people!
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That sucks!
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Do I have a volunteer? Stevenson?
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I can't do it!
75
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That man fails! By now
our victims would be braindead!
76
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:53,518
Cool.
77
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:58,421
- Yeah yeah, cool.
- Kimberly, revive the trauma victims.
78
00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:01,388
Uh, baby.
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- Come to Butt-Head.
- Yeah, and then come to me.
80
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:09,500
I don't think so. I have a doctor's note
81
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:13,234
excusing me from any emotionally
destructive school activities.
82
00:06:13,273 --> 00:06:17,903
- It's valid all the way through college.
- Students, I'm extremely disappointed
83
00:06:17,911 --> 00:06:20,677
by today's performance.
Do you require that I
84
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:24,480
personally demonstrate the
correct resuscitation technique?
85
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:26,582
- No.
- Yeah.
86
00:06:26,583 --> 00:06:27,383
No.
87
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:30,914
- No.
- It's like Jaws the movie.
88
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:34,761
- No.
- First, it is essential
89
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to establish an air tight
seal over the mouth
90
00:06:37,089 --> 00:06:39,353
of the trauma victim.
91
00:06:40,433 --> 00:06:43,459
- This sucks.
- Which victim wishes to go first?
92
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- No!
- No!
93
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Noooo!
94
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Is he gonna vomit?
95
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Yeah, VOMIT, VOMIT! VOMIT!
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- Vomit, dammit!
- Settle down, Beavis.
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00:07:21,074 --> 00:07:24,237
- When he was six weeks...
- Buttcheeks?
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WHERE, WHERE, WHERE? Buttcheeks?
99
00:07:27,814 --> 00:07:31,516
They didn't show buttcheeks,
dumbass, he just said "buttcheeks".
100
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,318
That's cool.
101
00:07:36,623 --> 00:07:39,183
Mr. Blue Veins...
102
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Mr. Blue Vein!
103
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:43,823
Yeah.
104
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Hey Butt-Head. I have a blue vein.
105
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:50,296
Okay, Beavis.
106
00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:55,032
Hey, Butt-Head...
107
00:07:55,542 --> 00:07:57,340
Hey Butt-Head, check it out.
108
00:07:57,644 --> 00:08:00,523
Come on, hey Butt-Head!
Butt-Head! Check it out.
109
00:08:00,523 --> 00:08:02,937
Put Mr. Blue Vein
away, Beavis!
110
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,566
Don't bogart it, dude.
111
00:08:31,878 --> 00:08:34,174
"Kills millions of
germs on contract".
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A marine can stand anything!
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A marine can stand anything!
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A marine can stand anything!
115
00:09:04,577 --> 00:09:08,138
"Excuse me, son. You're busted
for stealing shopping carts".
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00:09:08,181 --> 00:09:11,708
It's like: "My partner wants
to send you to the juvy home
117
00:09:11,708 --> 00:09:13,987
but if you, like, tell us who
stole the shopping carts
118
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:17,482
I might, like, convince him to let you
get off with, like, just an ass kicking".
119
00:09:18,858 --> 00:09:19,889
Okay.
120
00:09:22,462 --> 00:09:24,794
I don't want to look at
some dude's hairy butt!
121
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:31,068
If they would, like, just show a chick's
butt maybe it would be a buzz clip.
122
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:32,598
Yeah, yeah.
123
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:42,409
That's not how it goes, Beavis.
124
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Dumbass.
125
00:09:50,523 --> 00:09:53,417
Whoa, look at that!
They almost showed that chick's butt!
126
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,222
Yeah.
127
00:09:55,829 --> 00:10:01,092
But "close" only counts in horse
shoes and, like... lemonade or something.
128
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,402
Sometimes they have showed horses butt.
129
00:10:06,406 --> 00:10:07,500
What?
130
00:10:10,343 --> 00:10:11,439
What?
131
00:10:12,812 --> 00:10:13,908
I don't know.
132
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:17,312
- Wait a minute. What's going on here?
- Yeah, yeah.
133
00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:20,509
This looks like one of those
"Obsession" commercials.
9543
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