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1
00:00:03,022 --> 00:00:05,056
There's the champ.
2
00:00:05,057 --> 00:00:06,524
Congratulations, Haskell.
3
00:00:06,525 --> 00:00:07,558
I'm so proud of you.
4
00:00:07,559 --> 00:00:09,777
Oh, please. It's nothing.
5
00:00:09,778 --> 00:00:12,480
Oh, come on, they're
flying you back to Ohio
6
00:00:12,481 --> 00:00:16,200
to name a Bowling Lane after you.
7
00:00:16,201 --> 00:00:17,451
That's a big deal.
8
00:00:17,452 --> 00:00:19,654
It's a huge deal.
9
00:00:19,655 --> 00:00:21,239
Well, I would love to come with you guys,
10
00:00:21,240 --> 00:00:23,658
but I don't want to
interfere with your boys' trip.
11
00:00:23,659 --> 00:00:25,793
Oh, we are gonna get cray-cray in akron.
12
00:00:25,794 --> 00:00:27,328
Ahh.
13
00:00:27,329 --> 00:00:30,882
I booked us on a tour of the
old stickly furniture factory.
14
00:00:30,883 --> 00:00:32,133
Oh.
15
00:00:32,134 --> 00:00:35,836
You just promise you'll
use protection, Stuart.
16
00:00:35,837 --> 00:00:37,421
Eden would have loved to come celebrate,
17
00:00:37,422 --> 00:00:39,223
but she's got her first paper due tomorrow,
18
00:00:39,224 --> 00:00:41,642
and she's cloistered
away like a tiny little monk.
19
00:00:41,643 --> 00:00:43,261
Uh-oh.
20
00:00:43,262 --> 00:00:46,230
Come on. Come on.
21
00:00:46,231 --> 00:00:48,516
Looks like your little
monk is on a jaeger break.
22
00:00:48,517 --> 00:00:49,934
What?
23
00:00:49,935 --> 00:00:51,402
Eden, what are you doing here?
24
00:00:51,403 --> 00:00:52,820
You've have homework due tomorrow.
25
00:00:52,821 --> 00:00:54,405
[Laughs] Homework?
26
00:00:54,406 --> 00:00:56,274
How old are you?
27
00:00:56,275 --> 00:00:58,776
I've got to go.
28
00:00:58,777 --> 00:01:00,444
- What are you doing?
- What are you doing?
29
00:01:00,445 --> 00:01:02,914
I'm paying good money to
send you back to college.
30
00:01:02,915 --> 00:01:04,248
You have an English Lit paper due,
31
00:01:04,249 --> 00:01:06,000
and you're hanging out at a bar?
32
00:01:06,001 --> 00:01:07,618
I am getting it done.
33
00:01:07,619 --> 00:01:10,087
Procrastination is part of my process:
34
00:01:10,088 --> 00:01:14,292
Delay, delay, drink, flirt, panic,
red bull, crank it out.
35
00:01:14,293 --> 00:01:16,844
Well, here's my process:
36
00:01:16,845 --> 00:01:18,930
Poke, prod, nag, nag, red bull,
37
00:01:18,931 --> 00:01:21,098
Eden gets her ass off the bar stool.
38
00:01:21,099 --> 00:01:22,967
Yes, mom.
39
00:01:22,968 --> 00:01:24,268
Oh, I'm not your mother.
40
00:01:24,269 --> 00:01:27,138
I'm your mentor, your
friend, your confidant.
41
00:01:27,139 --> 00:01:29,440
Now, go to your room and do your homework.
42
00:01:29,441 --> 00:01:32,310
Why can't you be cool, like
my other friends' bosses?
43
00:01:32,311 --> 00:01:33,311
It's for your own good.
44
00:01:33,312 --> 00:01:35,529
I hate my own good.
45
00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:39,116
- Hey, Eden.
- No boys.
46
00:01:39,117 --> 00:01:40,901
Hey, guys.
47
00:01:40,902 --> 00:01:43,704
Just about to toast
Haskell on his big honor tomorrow.
48
00:01:43,705 --> 00:01:45,206
Oh, now, you know I'd be there
49
00:01:45,207 --> 00:01:47,041
if something
important hadn't come up, right?
50
00:01:47,042 --> 00:01:50,544
Yes, how often do you get to golf?
51
00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:51,829
It's not just golf.
52
00:01:51,830 --> 00:01:53,914
It's a celebrity tournament.
53
00:01:53,915 --> 00:01:55,499
I'm in a foursome with lil' Wayne.
54
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:56,751
Oh.
55
00:01:56,752 --> 00:01:58,169
Why give that up?
56
00:01:58,170 --> 00:02:00,554
All I had to do was
rearrange my entire patient schedule
57
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:03,174
and transfer all my root
canals to Dr. Chattahari.
58
00:02:03,175 --> 00:02:06,927
And in exchange, I have to go
to his daughter's sitar concert.
59
00:02:06,928 --> 00:02:08,562
And I appreciate it, Stu.
60
00:02:08,563 --> 00:02:10,514
At least someone's made the effort.
61
00:02:10,515 --> 00:02:11,599
Oh, so we're all good.
62
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,318
A toast to my buddy, Haskell,
63
00:02:14,319 --> 00:02:17,021
whose achievement on the
lanes will never be...
64
00:02:17,022 --> 00:02:19,690
Damn, damn, damn.
65
00:02:19,691 --> 00:02:20,858
- Phil.
- Huh? Huh?
66
00:02:20,859 --> 00:02:22,076
Phil, the toast.
67
00:02:22,077 --> 00:02:24,612
Oh, right, achievement on the lanes,
68
00:02:24,613 --> 00:02:26,747
never forgotten, you the man cheers.
69
00:02:26,748 --> 00:02:28,916
See ya.
70
00:02:28,917 --> 00:02:30,034
[Upbeat music]
71
00:02:30,035 --> 00:02:35,052
- Sync and corrections by brayanatsix -
- www.addic7ed.com -
72
00:02:42,881 --> 00:02:44,015
[Knock at door]
73
00:02:44,016 --> 00:02:46,934
Go away, you pain in the ass.
74
00:02:46,935 --> 00:02:48,219
Open up.
75
00:02:48,220 --> 00:02:49,887
What? Are you here to babysit me?
76
00:02:49,888 --> 00:02:51,222
No.
77
00:02:51,223 --> 00:02:54,025
I'm here to inspire you.
78
00:02:54,026 --> 00:02:56,394
You know, I was an
English Major in college.
79
00:02:56,395 --> 00:03:00,064
In fact, my professor once
held my senior thesis up in front
80
00:03:00,065 --> 00:03:03,451
of the entire class and
said my words on Wordsworth
81
00:03:03,452 --> 00:03:07,121
were worth more than Wordsworth's
words were.
82
00:03:08,241 --> 00:03:09,790
What a gasbag.
83
00:03:09,791 --> 00:03:12,576
But an astute gasbag.
84
00:03:12,577 --> 00:03:14,628
I was talking about you.
85
00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:18,132
I remember how
exhilarating writing papers could be,
86
00:03:18,133 --> 00:03:22,086
oh, getting swept up in
the rapture of language,
87
00:03:22,087 --> 00:03:26,340
spending hours poring over
every sentence, every image, every...
88
00:03:26,341 --> 00:03:28,809
And done.
89
00:03:28,810 --> 00:03:30,227
Done?
90
00:03:30,228 --> 00:03:32,396
Where are the chewed
pencils, the typewriter ribbons,
91
00:03:32,397 --> 00:03:34,098
the bottles of wite-out?
92
00:03:34,099 --> 00:03:38,602
Oh, probably in a landfill along
with the rest of the '80s.
93
00:03:38,603 --> 00:03:40,071
I'm beat. You do me a favor:
94
00:03:40,072 --> 00:03:41,489
Spell-check it and hit send?
95
00:03:46,412 --> 00:03:47,528
Okay.
96
00:03:51,784 --> 00:03:55,086
Oh, well, that's a weak topic sentence.
97
00:03:55,087 --> 00:03:59,206
And that's not a playful metaphor.
98
00:03:59,207 --> 00:04:02,626
Hmm, maybe I'll make a few tweaks.
99
00:04:02,627 --> 00:04:06,263
Who am I kidding? It's a total rewrite.
100
00:04:08,217 --> 00:04:10,935
- Come, Stuart. Let's go.
- All right, all right.
101
00:04:10,936 --> 00:04:13,270
Just putting together some
snacks for the flight.
102
00:04:13,271 --> 00:04:16,640
I like savory for
takeoff and sweet for landing.
103
00:04:16,641 --> 00:04:18,809
I like sleeping pills for takeoff
104
00:04:18,810 --> 00:04:20,528
and a slap in the face for landing.
105
00:04:20,529 --> 00:04:24,365
[Laughs] You guys haven't left yet?
106
00:04:24,366 --> 00:04:26,951
Stuart, Haskell, this is Dee Dee.
107
00:04:26,952 --> 00:04:29,203
She's a flight attendant.
108
00:04:29,204 --> 00:04:31,038
Hi, guys. Where are you going?
109
00:04:31,039 --> 00:04:33,157
Oh, well, not to brag, but
we're headed to Akron
110
00:04:33,158 --> 00:04:35,493
to get a Bowling Lane
commemorated in my honor.
111
00:04:35,494 --> 00:04:38,129
Oh, that is so cool.
112
00:04:38,130 --> 00:04:40,414
Congratulations.
113
00:04:40,415 --> 00:04:42,500
Oh, ah, ha.
114
00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:45,503
They're also putting my portrait up
115
00:04:45,504 --> 00:04:48,005
in the gallery of legends...
116
00:04:48,006 --> 00:04:50,007
Muah!
117
00:04:50,008 --> 00:04:54,094
All right, okay, look, I don't
mean to rush anybody,
118
00:04:54,095 --> 00:04:56,013
but Dee Dee has a flight to make,
119
00:04:56,014 --> 00:04:59,149
and I've got a tee time,
so I'll call you, baby.
120
00:04:59,150 --> 00:04:59,683
Okay.
121
00:04:59,684 --> 00:05:03,103
Oh, by the way, I left the
guest toothbrush in the bathroom.
122
00:05:03,104 --> 00:05:04,772
What guest toothbrush?
123
00:05:04,773 --> 00:05:06,023
The pink one by the sink.
124
00:05:06,024 --> 00:05:08,943
It's mauve, and it's mine.
125
00:05:08,944 --> 00:05:10,528
Oops, sorry.
126
00:05:10,529 --> 00:05:11,695
[Telephone rings]
127
00:05:11,696 --> 00:05:12,947
- Oh, one second.
- Mm-hmm.
128
00:05:12,948 --> 00:05:14,365
Hello.
129
00:05:14,366 --> 00:05:17,034
See, I knew my toothbrush was wet
when I used it this morning.
130
00:05:19,455 --> 00:05:20,788
That was the airline.
131
00:05:20,789 --> 00:05:22,873
A passenger on my last
flight is in the hospital
132
00:05:22,874 --> 00:05:25,042
with mysterious
symptoms, and the CDC thinks
133
00:05:25,043 --> 00:05:28,629
he might be contagious, so
until they figure out what it is,
134
00:05:28,630 --> 00:05:31,382
they want me and anyone I've
had physical contact with
135
00:05:31,383 --> 00:05:33,551
to remain quarantined.
136
00:05:33,552 --> 00:05:36,770
What? No. No. No. No.
137
00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:38,222
I've got a golf tournament.
138
00:05:38,223 --> 00:05:39,773
[Laughs] Tough break, Phil.
139
00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:41,225
What do you mean, tough break, Phil?
140
00:05:41,226 --> 00:05:42,726
We all had physical contact with her.
141
00:05:42,727 --> 00:05:44,728
She kissed you, used your toothbrush,
142
00:05:44,729 --> 00:05:46,397
and I was all... You know what?
143
00:05:46,398 --> 00:05:51,402
Let's just say...
144
00:05:51,403 --> 00:05:52,903
Let's just say that we're stuck here.
145
00:05:52,904 --> 00:05:54,488
No, no, no. You're stuck here.
146
00:05:54,489 --> 00:05:55,573
I've got an award to pick up.
147
00:05:55,574 --> 00:05:58,492
No, Haskell, I'm sorry,
148
00:05:58,493 --> 00:06:00,744
but as the medical professional on site,
149
00:06:00,745 --> 00:06:03,581
it's my job to enforce this quarantine.
150
00:06:03,582 --> 00:06:05,216
Medical professional?
151
00:06:05,217 --> 00:06:07,218
You're a dentist.
152
00:06:07,219 --> 00:06:09,470
I mean, if there's a gingivitis outbreak.
153
00:06:09,471 --> 00:06:11,171
You can call the shots.
154
00:06:11,172 --> 00:06:12,756
Come on. Come on.
155
00:06:12,757 --> 00:06:14,758
Haskell, this is serious.
156
00:06:14,759 --> 00:06:17,761
No one leaves until we get the all clear.
157
00:06:17,762 --> 00:06:19,263
In the meantime,
158
00:06:19,264 --> 00:06:22,816
I'll be coming through
shortly with a selection of beverages.
159
00:06:28,966 --> 00:06:31,233
Here's your coffee, Holly, with two sugars
160
00:06:31,234 --> 00:06:33,402
because you are so sweet.
161
00:06:33,403 --> 00:06:35,321
Why are you so happy today?
162
00:06:35,322 --> 00:06:38,324
My English Lit professor just
posted the grade for my paper.
163
00:06:38,325 --> 00:06:40,543
Really? And what did we get?
164
00:06:40,544 --> 00:06:42,995
Although I have a
feeling it begins with an A.
165
00:06:42,996 --> 00:06:47,049
It does, a... B-minus.
166
00:06:47,050 --> 00:06:50,586
Boom!
167
00:06:50,587 --> 00:06:51,921
That stinks.
168
00:06:51,922 --> 00:06:54,757
I've never gotten a B-minus in my life.
169
00:06:54,758 --> 00:06:56,258
I think it's a pretty good grade.
170
00:06:56,259 --> 00:06:58,427
It was my first college paper in years.
171
00:06:58,428 --> 00:07:00,479
I don't care. That was an A-plus paper.
172
00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:04,433
It was brilliant, insightful,
it broke new ground.
173
00:07:04,434 --> 00:07:06,485
Aw, thanks.
174
00:07:06,486 --> 00:07:07,820
The fact that you're so proud of me
175
00:07:07,821 --> 00:07:09,605
is even more important than the grade.
176
00:07:09,606 --> 00:07:12,358
Oh, bull farts.
177
00:07:12,359 --> 00:07:14,443
You poured your heart
and soul into that paper,
178
00:07:14,444 --> 00:07:16,162
and you deserve to be recognized.
179
00:07:16,163 --> 00:07:17,780
Holly, really, I'm okay with it.
180
00:07:17,781 --> 00:07:19,081
I'm not.
181
00:07:19,082 --> 00:07:21,700
Who does this tweed-jacketed
hackademic think he is?
182
00:07:21,701 --> 00:07:23,202
He's head of the Lit Department,
183
00:07:23,203 --> 00:07:24,503
a Former Rhodes Scholar,
184
00:07:24,504 --> 00:07:26,956
and winner of the American
medal for Literary Criticism.
185
00:07:26,957 --> 00:07:30,209
Oh, sweetie.
186
00:07:30,210 --> 00:07:32,511
They hand those out like chiclets.
187
00:07:36,768 --> 00:07:38,717
Hot towel?
188
00:07:38,718 --> 00:07:41,270
That won't be necessary.
189
00:07:41,271 --> 00:07:43,139
As soon as I get the
go-ahead from the tower
190
00:07:43,140 --> 00:07:44,940
I am out of here.
191
00:07:44,941 --> 00:07:46,525
In the meantime, I'll be coming through
192
00:07:46,526 --> 00:07:48,477
with our meal service.
193
00:07:48,478 --> 00:07:49,895
Well?
194
00:07:49,896 --> 00:07:53,532
I just got off the phone with
my colleagues at the CDC.
195
00:07:53,533 --> 00:07:55,151
You know, Haskell, when you're a doctor,
196
00:07:55,152 --> 00:07:56,318
you're part of a brotherhood...
197
00:07:56,319 --> 00:07:57,736
What did they say?
198
00:07:57,737 --> 00:07:59,789
Well, they're still running
tests on the patient,
199
00:07:59,790 --> 00:08:00,990
but until they know for sure,
200
00:08:00,991 --> 00:08:02,324
I'm afraid we're all stuck here.
201
00:08:02,325 --> 00:08:04,960
No, you're stuck here. I'm leaving.
202
00:08:04,961 --> 00:08:08,214
If I go now, I can still
catch the last flight to Akron.
203
00:08:08,215 --> 00:08:09,582
- Haskell, stop.
- No!
204
00:08:09,583 --> 00:08:11,083
There's nothing gonna
make me miss this ceremony.
205
00:08:11,084 --> 00:08:12,668
It's too important to me.
206
00:08:12,669 --> 00:08:15,054
This is my day, my moment.
207
00:08:15,055 --> 00:08:17,673
Look, I can't stop you, but
if you infect even one person
208
00:08:17,674 --> 00:08:20,676
at that bowling alley,
can you live with yourself?
209
00:08:20,677 --> 00:08:23,429
I think so. I rebound quick.
210
00:08:23,430 --> 00:08:24,513
Haskell...
211
00:08:24,514 --> 00:08:27,183
All right.
212
00:08:27,184 --> 00:08:29,735
I'm sorry.
213
00:08:29,736 --> 00:08:31,437
Hey, so what's the word?
Are we out of here?
214
00:08:31,438 --> 00:08:33,489
'Cause if I leave now, I can
still make the back nine.
215
00:08:33,490 --> 00:08:35,157
The CDC confirmed quarantine protocols
216
00:08:35,158 --> 00:08:36,192
are still in effect.
217
00:08:36,193 --> 00:08:37,359
Damn it.
218
00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,111
Check back in with my colleagues.
219
00:08:39,112 --> 00:08:43,833
They gave me the direct doctor's line.
220
00:08:43,834 --> 00:08:45,117
The secret is,
221
00:08:45,118 --> 00:08:49,755
when you hear the recording, you press two.
222
00:08:49,756 --> 00:08:50,923
I can't believe it.
223
00:08:50,924 --> 00:08:52,875
The one time in my life I'm being honored,
224
00:08:52,876 --> 00:08:54,210
and I can't be there.
225
00:08:54,211 --> 00:08:56,345
Why does this have to happen to me?
226
00:08:56,346 --> 00:08:57,596
To you?
227
00:08:57,597 --> 00:08:59,632
Yeah, I really wanted
to play in that tournament.
228
00:08:59,633 --> 00:09:03,269
You selfish son of a bitch.
229
00:09:03,270 --> 00:09:04,803
What?
230
00:09:04,804 --> 00:09:07,056
I'm missing one of the most
important moments in my life,
231
00:09:07,057 --> 00:09:08,691
and the only thing you're thinking about
232
00:09:08,692 --> 00:09:10,226
is some stupid golf game.
233
00:09:10,227 --> 00:09:11,527
Where is this coming from?
234
00:09:11,528 --> 00:09:13,195
You don't even care what this means to me.
235
00:09:13,196 --> 00:09:15,314
You didn't even care
enough to come in the first place.
236
00:09:15,315 --> 00:09:16,732
But I thought you said it was cool.
237
00:09:16,733 --> 00:09:17,983
Well, I wasn't.
238
00:09:17,984 --> 00:09:20,319
Well, how am I supposed
to know this, Haskell?
239
00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,738
A friend would know. Stuart knew.
240
00:09:22,739 --> 00:09:25,241
Let's be honest.
241
00:09:25,242 --> 00:09:26,876
I'm not important to you.
242
00:09:26,877 --> 00:09:31,747
The only one who is important
to Phil Chase is Phil Chase.
243
00:09:31,748 --> 00:09:35,050
Phil, bad news: We're out
of the fish selection.
244
00:09:36,087 --> 00:09:37,253
But don't worry.
245
00:09:37,254 --> 00:09:39,838
I'm going to sneak you a sundae.
246
00:09:46,764 --> 00:09:47,763
[Knock at door]
247
00:09:47,764 --> 00:09:50,849
Come in.
248
00:09:50,850 --> 00:09:53,602
Professor Straf, I assume?
249
00:09:53,603 --> 00:09:54,987
Guilty.
250
00:09:54,988 --> 00:09:57,156
And to whom do I have the
pleasure of speaking?
251
00:09:57,157 --> 00:09:58,941
I'm Holly Franklin.
252
00:09:58,942 --> 00:10:02,361
I'm here on behalf of one of
your students, Eden Kunkler.
253
00:10:02,362 --> 00:10:05,864
Ah, Eden, delightful young lady.
254
00:10:05,865 --> 00:10:07,533
And what is your relation?
255
00:10:07,534 --> 00:10:09,952
You're obviously too
young to be her mother.
256
00:10:09,953 --> 00:10:12,004
I'm in no mood to be charmed.
257
00:10:12,005 --> 00:10:15,874
But yes, way, way too young.
258
00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:19,511
I happen to be her employer,
her benefactor, mentor, friend.
259
00:10:19,512 --> 00:10:21,964
Well, to all of you, may I say welcome.
260
00:10:21,965 --> 00:10:25,684
Why don't you save your whimsy
for the faculty cocktail party.
261
00:10:25,685 --> 00:10:27,803
Eden wrote a brilliant, insightful paper
262
00:10:27,804 --> 00:10:30,973
to which you inexplicably
gave a lowly B-minus.
263
00:10:30,974 --> 00:10:33,142
Well, that's most unlike
me to overlook brilliance.
264
00:10:33,143 --> 00:10:34,643
Well, you did.
265
00:10:34,644 --> 00:10:36,779
The prose was elegant, the language vivid,
266
00:10:36,780 --> 00:10:39,231
bordering on poetic.
267
00:10:39,232 --> 00:10:42,151
I must say, I'm impressed by your passion.
268
00:10:42,152 --> 00:10:46,322
I'm as passionate about that
paper as if I wrote it myself.
269
00:10:46,323 --> 00:10:47,990
Well, in that case, I have no choice
270
00:10:47,991 --> 00:10:51,493
but to give it a fresh
read and reconsider its merits.
271
00:10:51,494 --> 00:10:52,661
Really?
272
00:10:52,662 --> 00:10:54,496
Oh, I thought this was gonna get ugly.
273
00:10:54,497 --> 00:10:57,132
I was prepared to tear you
a new one with an allegory.
274
00:10:59,053 --> 00:11:01,971
You know, Holly, my teaching philosophy
275
00:11:01,972 --> 00:11:06,008
is based on a line from a
favorite Keats poem of mine:
276
00:11:06,009 --> 00:11:09,011
"The only means of
strengthening one's intellect
277
00:11:09,012 --> 00:11:12,181
is to make one's mind up about nothing.
278
00:11:12,182 --> 00:11:15,184
Are you familiar with,
279
00:11:15,185 --> 00:11:18,354
"Love is my religion,
and I could die for that.
280
00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:21,573
I could die for you."?
281
00:11:21,574 --> 00:11:26,078
"My creed is love, and
you are its only tenet.
282
00:11:26,079 --> 00:11:30,199
You have ravish'd me away by
a power I cannot resist."
283
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,585
To quote another favorite poet of mine,
284
00:11:33,586 --> 00:11:35,838
"Let's get it on."
285
00:11:41,094 --> 00:11:43,628
Hey, Stuart, I'm gonna ask you a question,
286
00:11:43,629 --> 00:11:46,431
and want you to be
totally honest, all right?
287
00:11:46,432 --> 00:11:48,800
- Am I selfish?
- Yes.
288
00:11:48,801 --> 00:11:51,219
So you're saying I'm someone
who only thinks about himself?
289
00:11:51,220 --> 00:11:52,687
Absolutely.
290
00:11:52,688 --> 00:11:54,139
Well, why doesn't anybody
ever tell me this?
291
00:11:54,140 --> 00:11:55,356
We thought it was obvious.
292
00:11:55,357 --> 00:11:56,691
I thought it was part of my charm.
293
00:11:56,692 --> 00:11:58,309
Not in the least.
294
00:11:58,310 --> 00:12:02,030
So if I'm hearing this right,
I'm a selfish guy.
295
00:12:02,031 --> 00:12:05,400
Yeah, that doesn't make
Phil Chase feel good at all.
296
00:12:05,401 --> 00:12:06,868
It's not supposed to.
297
00:12:06,869 --> 00:12:09,788
And Haskell's upset because
missing his ceremony,
298
00:12:09,789 --> 00:12:13,708
and he thinks I don't care. But I do care.
299
00:12:13,709 --> 00:12:15,160
You know what? I'm gonna fix this.
300
00:12:15,161 --> 00:12:17,078
It starts in an hour.
There's not much you can do.
301
00:12:17,079 --> 00:12:18,580
Yeah, there is.
302
00:12:18,581 --> 00:12:20,715
I'm gonna have him Skype in.
I do it with all my clients.
303
00:12:20,716 --> 00:12:22,500
As a matter of fact, I'm gonna
call the bowling alley right now
304
00:12:22,501 --> 00:12:23,668
and arrange for it to happen.
305
00:12:23,669 --> 00:12:25,086
I don't think there's enough time.
306
00:12:25,087 --> 00:12:28,423
- I don't think it will work.
- Oh, I'ma make it work.
307
00:12:28,424 --> 00:12:31,476
You know, you can be very
negative sometimes, Stuart.
308
00:12:33,180 --> 00:12:34,679
Yeah, I'd look into that.
309
00:12:36,933 --> 00:12:37,899
May I take your tray?
310
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:39,317
It's all yours.
311
00:12:39,318 --> 00:12:42,403
Oh, you hardly touched your pretzels.
312
00:12:42,404 --> 00:12:43,738
They were stale.
313
00:12:43,739 --> 00:12:47,075
I'm not even flying
first in my own apartment.
314
00:12:49,863 --> 00:12:51,112
I don't mean to be pushy,
315
00:12:51,113 --> 00:12:54,365
but I asked for a ginger ale
about 30 minutes ago.
316
00:12:54,366 --> 00:12:56,618
There's always one.
317
00:12:58,421 --> 00:13:00,421
So how are you doing, Haskell?
318
00:13:00,422 --> 00:13:02,090
How do you think I'm doing?
319
00:13:02,091 --> 00:13:04,676
Instead of basking in
the adulation of my fans,
320
00:13:04,677 --> 00:13:07,378
I'm stuck with you,
a guy I don't want to talk to,
321
00:13:07,379 --> 00:13:09,430
and a woman who told
me that my sofa cushion
322
00:13:09,431 --> 00:13:11,132
could be used as a floatation device.
323
00:13:13,019 --> 00:13:14,269
Well, listen.
324
00:13:14,270 --> 00:13:15,854
Phil would probably want
to tell you this himself,
325
00:13:15,855 --> 00:13:17,889
but you should know he's
calling the bowling alley
326
00:13:17,890 --> 00:13:19,307
and arranging for you to be skyped in
327
00:13:19,308 --> 00:13:20,642
so you can accept your award.
328
00:13:20,643 --> 00:13:22,694
What a great idea.
Why didn't I think of that?
329
00:13:22,695 --> 00:13:24,646
Well, the important thing is, Phil did.
330
00:13:24,647 --> 00:13:27,532
So it's actually gonna happen.
331
00:13:27,533 --> 00:13:29,317
I've got to put on my bowling shirt
332
00:13:29,318 --> 00:13:31,236
and practice the Lutz victory kick,
333
00:13:31,237 --> 00:13:32,737
because my fans are gonna expect it.
334
00:13:32,738 --> 00:13:34,873
[Grunting]
335
00:13:36,126 --> 00:13:37,292
So did you set everything up?
336
00:13:37,293 --> 00:13:38,993
I couldn't. They canceled it.
337
00:13:38,994 --> 00:13:40,495
Oh, god. Why?
338
00:13:40,496 --> 00:13:41,629
Lack of interest.
339
00:13:41,630 --> 00:13:43,414
They couldn't sell enough tickets.
340
00:13:43,415 --> 00:13:45,383
It's good thing I didn't
tell Haskell about this.
341
00:13:45,384 --> 00:13:47,502
The poor guy would be crushed.
342
00:13:49,089 --> 00:13:52,390
Phil, you know how we
talked about you being selfish?
343
00:13:52,391 --> 00:13:53,591
Uh-huh.
344
00:13:53,592 --> 00:13:54,726
I think you might want also want to work
345
00:13:54,727 --> 00:13:56,060
on your anger issues.
346
00:13:58,431 --> 00:13:59,848
I don't have anger issues.
347
00:13:59,849 --> 00:14:01,933
I told Haskell you'd Skype him in.
348
00:14:01,934 --> 00:14:03,401
Are you crazy?
349
00:14:04,487 --> 00:14:05,737
What the were you thinking?
350
00:14:05,738 --> 00:14:07,689
See? You see? You should work on that.
351
00:14:07,690 --> 00:14:10,525
Ahh!
352
00:14:10,526 --> 00:14:12,327
[Knock at door]
353
00:14:14,281 --> 00:14:16,581
There's my little fun-sized co-ed.
354
00:14:16,582 --> 00:14:19,701
Boop.
355
00:14:19,702 --> 00:14:20,835
What are you doing here?
356
00:14:20,836 --> 00:14:24,789
Oh, you know, I was just in the neighbs,
357
00:14:24,790 --> 00:14:27,208
thought I'd drop by,
358
00:14:27,209 --> 00:14:29,627
see how things are going for you...
359
00:14:29,628 --> 00:14:34,299
At school... With your grades.
360
00:14:34,300 --> 00:14:38,887
Well, actually, I just got an
email from Professor Straf.
361
00:14:38,888 --> 00:14:41,890
Yeah, it turns out he re-read
my paper and changed the grade.
362
00:14:41,891 --> 00:14:44,642
Oh, did he now?
363
00:14:44,643 --> 00:14:47,812
And what pray tell did he change it to?
364
00:14:47,813 --> 00:14:50,231
A C-minus.
365
00:14:50,232 --> 00:14:51,783
What?
366
00:14:51,784 --> 00:14:53,484
He lowered it?
367
00:14:53,485 --> 00:14:55,570
Yeah, I guess he realized how crappy it was
368
00:14:55,571 --> 00:14:58,573
in the first place.
369
00:14:58,574 --> 00:14:59,824
I don't know what I was thinking
370
00:14:59,825 --> 00:15:01,042
going back to college.
371
00:15:01,043 --> 00:15:02,577
Look, I'm sorry I wasted your money.
372
00:15:02,578 --> 00:15:03,912
Maybe I should just drop out.
373
00:15:03,913 --> 00:15:05,496
No. No, you can't.
374
00:15:05,497 --> 00:15:06,664
Why not?
375
00:15:06,665 --> 00:15:08,082
Because you didn't get a C-minus.
376
00:15:08,083 --> 00:15:09,217
I did.
377
00:15:09,218 --> 00:15:13,004
When you said to spell-check your paper,
378
00:15:13,005 --> 00:15:15,840
I got a little carried away, and I...
379
00:15:15,841 --> 00:15:18,559
I kind of sort of rewrote every word.
380
00:15:19,596 --> 00:15:20,895
You what?
381
00:15:20,896 --> 00:15:22,180
Why would you do that?
382
00:15:22,181 --> 00:15:23,264
I don't know.
383
00:15:23,265 --> 00:15:24,849
I'm new at this whole mentoring thing,
384
00:15:24,850 --> 00:15:26,651
and I just wanted you to succeed.
385
00:15:26,652 --> 00:15:28,736
What, so my paper wasn't good enough?
386
00:15:28,737 --> 00:15:30,271
You don't believe in me?
387
00:15:30,272 --> 00:15:31,856
No, no, of course I believe in you.
388
00:15:31,857 --> 00:15:34,943
I'm just a control freak, a loving one,
389
00:15:34,944 --> 00:15:38,029
but I just though it would do better
390
00:15:38,030 --> 00:15:40,248
with a little Holly magic, you know.
391
00:15:40,249 --> 00:15:42,333
You got a C-minus.
392
00:15:42,334 --> 00:15:44,035
Well it used to be a B-minus.
393
00:15:44,036 --> 00:15:46,504
Yeah, why did he grade it twice?
394
00:15:52,712 --> 00:15:56,047
Who knows why people do things?
395
00:15:56,048 --> 00:15:59,300
A lot of those eggheads drink.
396
00:16:00,603 --> 00:16:02,720
Oh, my god.
397
00:16:02,721 --> 00:16:04,772
You went to gop see him, didn't you?
398
00:16:04,773 --> 00:16:05,807
To get you a better grade.
399
00:16:05,808 --> 00:16:07,608
No, to get you a better grade.
400
00:16:07,609 --> 00:16:09,227
Oh, I'm sorry, Eden.
401
00:16:09,228 --> 00:16:14,232
I screwed up, but please, please,
please don't drop out.
402
00:16:14,233 --> 00:16:18,236
Argh.
403
00:16:18,237 --> 00:16:21,572
Okay, I will stay in school
on one condition,
404
00:16:21,573 --> 00:16:23,408
that the Holly Franklin scholarship
405
00:16:23,409 --> 00:16:25,877
comes with a whole lot less Holly Franklin.
406
00:16:26,913 --> 00:16:28,212
You got it, no more interfering.
407
00:16:28,213 --> 00:16:29,664
Okay.
408
00:16:29,665 --> 00:16:33,634
I still don't understand how
I could have gotten a C-minus.
409
00:16:33,635 --> 00:16:35,753
Well, here. He emailed me his comments.
410
00:16:35,754 --> 00:16:38,256
Find out for yourself.
411
00:16:38,257 --> 00:16:40,425
Oh.
412
00:16:40,426 --> 00:16:42,927
"Lacked imagination.
413
00:16:42,928 --> 00:16:46,481
"Took a predictable position.
414
00:16:46,482 --> 00:16:50,101
Didn't build to a satisfying climax."
415
00:16:53,073 --> 00:16:55,656
That man is not a fan of your work.
416
00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:03,970
- What are you doing?
- Shh.
417
00:17:03,971 --> 00:17:06,256
I'm disabling the router,
so Haskell can't Skype into
418
00:17:06,257 --> 00:17:07,674
a ceremony that isn't happening.
419
00:17:07,675 --> 00:17:09,092
That's a great idea, actually.
420
00:17:09,093 --> 00:17:10,510
Then Haskell won't get hurt.
421
00:17:10,511 --> 00:17:15,265
I've got to tell you, man,
not being selfish is hard work.
422
00:17:15,266 --> 00:17:18,351
Come on. Get in here. It's about to start.
423
00:17:18,352 --> 00:17:20,620
Don't skimp on the forehead.
424
00:17:20,621 --> 00:17:23,356
The Lutzes are a shiny people.
425
00:17:23,357 --> 00:17:24,941
You're in good hands.
426
00:17:24,942 --> 00:17:28,027
At flight attendant academy,
I did great in makeup,
427
00:17:28,028 --> 00:17:31,581
CPR not so much.
428
00:17:31,582 --> 00:17:35,034
Well, this is quite a setup
you've got here, Haskell.
429
00:17:35,035 --> 00:17:37,170
Oh, well, my fans paid good money,
430
00:17:37,171 --> 00:17:39,873
and the Haskell heads
deserve to see their champion
431
00:17:39,874 --> 00:17:41,875
in his full. Glory.
432
00:17:41,876 --> 00:17:43,927
Well, it's showtime.
433
00:17:43,928 --> 00:17:47,380
Lights, camera, and...
434
00:17:47,381 --> 00:17:48,381
"Wi-Fi unavailable."
435
00:17:48,382 --> 00:17:51,217
Oh, man, damn technology.
436
00:17:51,218 --> 00:17:52,435
Well, we tried.
437
00:17:52,436 --> 00:17:54,053
Yeah, that's it. Break down the sets.
438
00:17:54,054 --> 00:17:55,605
Kill the lights. That's a wrap, people.
439
00:17:55,606 --> 00:17:57,524
Oh, not to worry.
440
00:17:57,525 --> 00:17:59,275
I've still got 4G on my tablet.
441
00:17:59,276 --> 00:18:02,395
Oh, but let me... Let
me see that real quick.
442
00:18:02,396 --> 00:18:03,730
You know, it looks a little dirty,
443
00:18:03,731 --> 00:18:05,532
and the last thing I
want is for you to be smudgy
444
00:18:05,533 --> 00:18:06,900
to your fans.
445
00:18:06,901 --> 00:18:09,068
Well, no, look, there
isn't any time. Give me that.
446
00:18:09,069 --> 00:18:10,620
Oh, well, it's not clean yet, Haskell.
447
00:18:10,621 --> 00:18:12,539
Stuart, you're really
good at cleaning stuff.
448
00:18:12,540 --> 00:18:14,407
What the hell are you doing?
449
00:18:14,408 --> 00:18:15,992
Look, I'll just do it from my phone.
450
00:18:15,993 --> 00:18:17,744
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
451
00:18:17,745 --> 00:18:19,078
I can't let you do that, Haskell.
452
00:18:19,079 --> 00:18:21,331
You know, the screen is so
tiny, and you're the king.
453
00:18:21,332 --> 00:18:22,549
- Look, give me that.
- Uh-uh.
454
00:18:22,550 --> 00:18:23,883
Give me that phone. Give it to me.
455
00:18:23,884 --> 00:18:25,084
- No.
- Give it to me.
456
00:18:25,085 --> 00:18:27,804
Ah, my arm! My arm!
457
00:18:27,805 --> 00:18:29,756
Nothing is gonna keep
me away from this ceremony.
458
00:18:29,757 --> 00:18:31,724
There is no ceremony.
459
00:18:33,311 --> 00:18:34,844
What do you mean?
460
00:18:34,845 --> 00:18:36,813
It was canceled.
461
00:18:36,814 --> 00:18:38,731
Why was it canceled?
462
00:18:38,732 --> 00:18:41,818
I'm not going to lie to you, Haskell.
463
00:18:41,819 --> 00:18:44,654
Tsunami.
464
00:18:44,655 --> 00:18:45,855
All right, what's going on?
465
00:18:45,856 --> 00:18:47,440
Why was it really canceled?
466
00:18:47,441 --> 00:18:49,359
They didn't sell enough tickets.
467
00:18:52,703 --> 00:18:55,106
So nobody cared.
468
00:18:55,107 --> 00:18:58,709
The biggest event in my life,
and it means nothing.
469
00:18:58,710 --> 00:19:00,177
It's not nothing.
470
00:19:00,178 --> 00:19:02,446
You were the midwest bowling champion.
471
00:19:02,447 --> 00:19:03,915
You achieved something.
472
00:19:03,916 --> 00:19:07,118
That's right, and no one
can take that away from you.
473
00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:12,256
No, they can't, but maybe...
474
00:19:12,257 --> 00:19:16,360
Maybe it's time I stop living in the past.
475
00:19:16,361 --> 00:19:19,196
I did something great once.
476
00:19:19,197 --> 00:19:20,798
- I will again.
- Yeah.
477
00:19:20,799 --> 00:19:23,467
And whatever it is, we'll have your back.
478
00:19:23,468 --> 00:19:24,936
Thanks.
479
00:19:24,937 --> 00:19:26,370
And thanks for setting up the Skype,
480
00:19:26,371 --> 00:19:28,139
and more importantly, for wrecking it.
481
00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:30,174
[Laughter]
482
00:19:30,175 --> 00:19:31,976
I was wrong to say your selfish.
483
00:19:31,977 --> 00:19:33,978
No, no, you were right.
484
00:19:33,979 --> 00:19:35,913
I should have been there
for you in the beginning.
485
00:19:35,914 --> 00:19:38,149
Well, you were there for me in the end.
486
00:19:38,150 --> 00:19:42,119
- Aw.
- You just wrecked it, Stu.
487
00:19:42,120 --> 00:19:44,221
Good news. The airline just called.
488
00:19:44,222 --> 00:19:48,059
Turns out the passenger
just had a severe food allergy,
489
00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:50,928
so we're all clear.
490
00:19:50,929 --> 00:19:54,899
It's been a pleasure serving you all today.
491
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:58,135
Feel free to move about the apartment.
492
00:19:58,136 --> 00:20:00,136
www.addic7ed.com
493
00:20:00,186 --> 00:20:04,736
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