All language subtitles for The Almighty Johnsons s03e05xxx.eng

Hey, ho!

Mike: Congratulations, Colin.

You've once again proved you're a psychopath.
But let's get one thing clear: when you get yours,

and you will, it'll be at my hands.

So, they're flat mates.

- Guests.
- Just for a while.

- Until I get back on my feet.
- And my feet, too.

- Everyone okay?
- Please, I can't even pay my own rent.

I was a Johnson brother. I liked that.

Not anymore.

There's one thing you need
to know about my tenant.

She's my mother.

I love parties and you're good at games!

We will have great fun
being under the same roof.

- G'day.
- Aren't you even going to say hello?

Michael?

Hello, Dad.

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Hey! I'm sick and tired
of the both of you!

- Just grow up!
- You grow up, you wanker!

Hey! Cut it out, the lot of you!

Don't make me unleash the
kraken. Because you know I will.

Sync & corrections by MalkaviaN
www.subsfactory.it

www.addic7ed.com

Small world, isn't it?

Clearly not small enough.

Yeah, well, better get back.

I haven't seen you for 15 years

and that's all you've got to say?

- Can we talk in the morning?
- Will you be here in the morning?

It's the story of the duck and the bee.

No, not a bee, they can
fly, so that doesn't work.

- What are you lot doing down here?
- What's the story about the duck and the insect?

- Birds and the bees?
- A frog!

The frog and the
scorpion, that's the story.

A scorpion wants a
ride across the river...

Joe, I know the stupid story.

The scorpion promises
not to sting the frog,

then halfway across the river it does,
and the frog says, "Why did you do that?"

And the scorpion says,

"'Cause it's in my nature."

Yeah, that's it.

- Then they both die.
- I always leave that bit out.

That's not a very funny joke.

- I don't get it.
- It's not a joke.

Njord, God of the Sea here,

is saying that he left
his family because...

it was in his nature.

Call of the ocean or some such bullshit.

- Mikkel?
- What?

No God talk in front of the mortals, eh?

God talk. You'll have to excuse
my son, he's a bit overwhelmed.

- You're Njord?
- Oh, this is too good. Njord,

meet Lervin.

And her daughter, Sjofn.

Well, then. Well, that explains a
lot about the night in the yacht club.

- The instant attraction?
- From hello to naked in 20 minutes.

So, God of the Ocean...

want to come back to
bed and rock my boat?

Rock it?

I will sink it, baby!

Catch you in the morning.

- So, that's everything?
- Yep, that's everything, Ingrid.

Ingrid: Nothing that you've left behind?

We've talked about this.

It's a small place, one bedroom.

- There's not enough room for you.
- No, I know.

- Thanks for everything, guys.
- No worries, bro.

- We'll be around for the housewarming party?
- Don't hold your breath.

There he goes.

Our revenue stream.

I guess you aren't going
to pick up any of the slack.

Money is not my friend right now.

I find myself almost negatively
polarized toward financial gain.

- Ingrid, it's okay to crash here.
- We're a flat, not a charity!

- It's okay, Zeb.
- No, it's not, Axl!

It's my name on the lease, so I'm the one who gets
hassled by the Kwans whenever we're late paying the rent.

We have a spare room. Ingrid can
crash here until we find someone.

Well, actually, I have found someone.

Potentially found someone.

Explain.

It may take...

a bit of attitude
adjustment on your behalf.

It's Amelia Tennet.

- Will you still respect me after this?
- No!

We've been Facebook friends
while she's been living in Sydney.

A step in the right direction,
but still not far enough away.

But now she's back and
she's looking for a place.

- It'll be the Three Musketeers, together again!
- We were never the Three Musketeers, Zeb!

Yes, we were! Back at school! And I know that
your opinion soured of her for some reason.

Because she is a psycho nut bar.

She has a big personality.

Don't you remember all the fun we had?

We were her lapdogs because she was
incapable of having real friends.

You're just saying that
'cause she liked me better.

Yeah. Sure, okay.

Zeb, the only person
Amelia likes is herself.

You had a crush on her, and it made you
blind to the fact that she was using us!

She was our friend, she
needs somewhere to stay,

- we need a new flat mate!
- Yes, but not her!

There you go, my sweet.

- Joe, you have outdone yourself.
- Oh, just in time!

Your mum said you were
watching the old waistline.

I never said that!

- I said she should be.
- And for my number one son.

Cut the soldiers, nice and
thin, just how you like them.

When I was eight.

Go on, give it a taste.

See?

- It's okay.
- Well, my breakfast:

every mouthful an
explosion of yumminess.

You're quite a catch, Johann Johnson.

I'm still blown away the
fates have brought us together.

Any idea why fate never brought
you back to your family, Joe?

15 years, not even a postcard.

It's hard to stay in touch when
you're a slave to the ocean, son.

On the waves, a day seem likes a
second, a year seems like a day.

The only way to truly measure the passage
of time is by the lines on your own face.

So long apart.

- Do you know what this
family needs? - Mum...

- A party!
- No.

A Johnson family reunion
barbeque, here this afternoon.

And it'll be fancy dress.

- You're such a bitch.
- Oh, come on.

You love dressing up! Remember that adorable
little lamb outfit you wore for weeks?

- Hey.
- Does it have to be fancy dress?

Excuse me?

You of all people who hates
fancy dress with a passion.

- How do you know about this party?
- It's says right here on my events

organizer. Johnson Boys
Reunion, Fancy Dress Barbeque.

What about the bergerbar?
Wasn't that reunion enough?

Yeah, you'd think so. But

Dad sailed back into our lives.

Dad?

You're kidding, right?

Sitting right in front of me.

Well, fun times ahoy.

Can someone please explain?

You are now witnessing Lervin's
insidious powers at work.

Call her the social organizer of the
Gods. Lervin decides to throw a party...

you are powerless to resist.

Mike, I'm not really in a
party place at the moment, okay?

So I'm going to give tonight a
miss. What's the reunion for, anyway?

Dad's back in town.

Our dad?

Yep.

Yeah, I can wait another 15 years
to see the man who abandoned us.

As you can see, there's excellent
indoor-outdoor flow when the...

front and back doors
are open, of course.

Right..

And, um, is there a dishwasher?

You're looking at him.

Zeb, just as funny as I remember.

Axl! You're back.

- Already.
- Yes, Zeb, I am.

Hey, Axl.

It's good to see you again.

Zeb. I had no idea
Amelia was coming round,

when you asked me to go to the dairy.

Well, as the lease holder of a
flat in need of a paying flat mate,

I took it upon myself to show our
prospective new flat mate the flat.

In the best possible light.

This is a bit weird, isn't it?

- The three of us together again.
- There are other words for it.

Look, I didn't want to sound
like I'm sucking up, okay? But...

you guys were the best
friends that I've ever had.

- Zeb: We were the outsiders!
- The outlaws!

It was us against the world!

Okay. Axl.

I know that things went totally
pear-shaped at the end of school.

But we're so much older and wiser now, and
I promise I will be the best flat mate ever.

My job doing publicity for the liquor
company pays more than enough to cover rent...

plus I get free booze.

Plus I know heaps of super cute promo
girls that I can introduce you to.

Plus I have a big screen
TV and killer speakers.

Plus I can move in today.

All excellent pluses.

For a trial period.

Zeb: This is going to be so good!
It's going to be like high school,

- but better than high school!
- Amelia: Better!

So, what did the others get?

Anders got Bragi.

No surprises there.

- Ty?
- Hod.

He was always carrying
around a dark cloud.

Always had the shittiest luck.

Well, maybe his luck's changed
because he's not a God anymore.

- Can that happen?
- Apparently so.

Speak of the devil.

- Hey, Ty.
- Fancy dress?

Whose idea was it to
make it fancy dress?

Dad's back.

So, I'm guessing that
you won't be coming.

Oh, no. I'll be there.

Mike: Aren't you going
to ask me what Axl got?

Is he 21 already?

You're such a wonderful father.

- So, what'd he get?
- Odin.

Seriously.

The surf is amping, Michael.

- I mean, ridiculously good.
- Good to know.

So, why in the name of Thor's
underpants do I have a sudden urge

to go to a fancy bloody dress party?

This is Lervin's work, isn't it?

- Yep.
- There'd better be an outstanding reason.

Your son's returned.

Have you talked to Johann?

Whatever you do, do not talk to him.

- A bit late for that, Grandpa.
- He broke my one rule, Mikkel.

I only have the one rule.

And he broke it. And he

And he will suffer the consequences.

Tell him he has a world of hurt
coming his way. No. No, no, no, no.

Don't tell him.

I will tell him...

in my own way.

Your father's looking
forward to talking to you.

This might not be such
a bad party after all.

It's funny how the
universe works, isn't it?

Throwing us together with
gods from the same family?

- Michele: Hilarious.
- Njord, eh?

- Real charmer, don't you reckon?
- Mum...

you know you don't have
a good history with gods.

Your father was a glitch.

A train wreck is not a glitch.

But Joe and I are a perfect
combination. Parties and boats.

We could run party boats
around the Mediterranean.

Michele: Until he sails off
into the sunset without you.

He won't do that because
I'll be on the boat with him.

Michele: It's not a good
idea for you to date a god.

You get your hopes up
and it never ends well.

But it's alright for you.

Mike is different.

- We have a connection.
- Joe and I have a connection.

You and Colin had a connection.

- You'd rather I date a psychopath?
- He's got some issues,

- sure, But... - Mum,
I'm with Mike now.

Alright, let's have a look at you, then.

- This isn't even a costume.
- Sure it is!

Sexy Easter Bunny!

Porno Easter Bunny.

I am so not wearing this.

I might wear it, then.

Joe would love it.

What has your father done to my mother?

Judging by what we heard through the
wall, I'd say pretty much everything.

Is he using his power over her?

- It's the only explanation.
- For what?

No offence, but if my mother is, say,

an eight, excluding personality,
then your father is about a two.

Oh! I feel like I should be
offended on behalf of my family.

- I did say no offence.
- Yeah, but that doesn't make it not offensive.

All I'm saying is he must have done
something to her to make her go for him.

I think you're confusing
him with Anders.

- Like son, like father?
- Or...

your mum, sensing that he was a
god, just threw herself at him.

- If you dare add like daughter, like mother...
- No, no. See, 'cause I value my life.

Good.

I have no idea

what my father's powers are.

Hi.

- Hello.
- I didn't know we were expecting

any deliveries today, were we, Dawn?

- I'm not here on business.
- Oh, pleasure, then?

Family business. Party?

Oh yeah, that reminds me. Hey,
Dawn, can you hire me a costume?

I don't think that costume
shopping is in my job description.

Oh, and get something for bike
boy too, while you're at it.

- No, it's okay.
- Nonsense. Dawn will delight and surprise us

with her costume
choices, won't you, Dawn?

Chop chop.

So, do we know why Dad's here?

- Do we know why he left?
- Fair point.

- So, what do we say to him?
- As little as possible.

I don't know the guy, I
don't want to know the guy.

We've got this far
without the old bastard.

That's easy for you, but
I've got unfinished business.

Wait, hang on. Are you
here for brotherly advice?

Okay, cool.

Well, in that case,
I say hit the bugger.

Or don't hit the bugger.

Hit the bugger or don't hit the bugger.

That's what you've got.

Man, you sure pack a lot of
stuff into such a small car.

You're doing such a good job.

Some things never change, eh?

- Sorry?
- Zeb...

still running around after
you like a love-sick kitten.

He is being helpful.

And Zeb knows he's now in the upper
structure of my friendship rainbow.

No, he still has no idea he's
being friend zoned. Just like then.

He's not a complete idiot. Even he
would have got the message by now.

Look, Amelia.

The reason you're here,
the only reason you're here,

is because we're desperate
for a flat mate. End of story.

Desperate.

That's an interesting choice of word.

- Did you ever tell Zeb about us?
- There was no us, Amelia.

Really? Really?

A certain senior dance?

Two kids sheltering from
social death in a sport shed...

Three young kids.

Yeah. Two of them struggling to
control their hormones and their...

desire for one another and

failing...

miserably.

- No, we failed spectacularly.
- Yeah.

And no, I haven't told him.

Why would I tell him? That's

ancient history and...

a huge mistake.

Are you sure about that?

Zeb: Here we go.

Perfect.

Zeb, you really are such an angel.

I honestly don't know how I managed
to survive all these years without you.

How about this?

Makes a statement.
Johann's and my outlook.

Outer space, in the void.

Bit subtle.

Grandpa,

you said on the phone that
I shouldn't talk to Dad.

- And did you talk to him?
- I didn't have much choice.

Were you angry seeing him swan
back in after all those years?

- Yeah.
- And he gave you one of those

bullshit nautical speeches, didn't he?

Full of all this crap.

Then how'd you feel after that?

You felt less angry, right?

Yeah. I did, come to think of it.

Johann's power...

as Njord

is to pour oil on troubled waters.

You're pissed off at him, he
goes blah, blah, blah, blah,

suddenly you're not
so pissed off anymore.

Does this sound familiar?

Yes. And yes, he also
calms the actual sea.

Which I'm sure is good if
you're going sailing with him,

but it's shit when you're trying to bond
with your 21-year-old by taking him surfing.

Hey, Dawn.

Oh, hello.

- Same party as your brother?
- Yeah.

Good to know that one of you is
capable of shopping for themselves.

You have a bone to pick with Johann?

- Yeah.
- You make sure he never

gets the first word in.

- I don't know if I can do this.
- Just do what feels right in the moment.

But I don't know what that'll
be until I get in there.

That's why they call it in the moment.

Mike: A nautical theme, of course.

But your costume's also fine.

- I'm not in costume.
- Put your tool belt on.

Karen, dressing up as a builder
is not a costume, it's what I do.

Unless you'd like me to
dress up like a flash lawyer.

Now, why would I want you to do
that? That wouldn't be you at all.

Put your belt on.

- Sex on the Beach.
- Joe, you read my mind.

I know, I look ridiculous.

Don't you dare laugh.

Oh, no. You look stunning.

Oh, you haven't done too bad
without me, have you, son?

I had no choice, Dad.

Better get the lady a drink.

- Anders: Hello.
- Yay, new Johnsons! Hello,

and welcome to my party.

See? I told you you were in costume.

Village of Johnson People?

Did Dawn put you up to this? She said
she saw you looking for a costume.

Does this look like a costume to you?

It does when you stand
next to me. Back away!

Dawn is so not getting a
Christmas bonus this year.

Hello, Anders.

- Wow, you recognize me.
- Hello, Tyrone.

Now, I know you have a lot to say to me,
but before you give me the broad side,

can I just say one thing?

I look forward to listening
to what you have to say.

- Ty, I don't think that's going to...
- Mike...

don't you dare side with him again.

Fine. Whatever.

I need to hear this.

Mike tells me you managed to
slip out of the net of being Hod.

What a bloody brave thing to do, son.

That's some major balls right there.

I salute you, mate.

Love the costumes, boys!

Reminds me of this bar I know...

Way to tell him, Ty.

- What are you doing?
- Making pasta.

I would have thought that was obvious.

You're making your famous
spaghetti Bolognese.

The one you make when you're
trying to impress a girl.

No, I'm making it to
welcome Amelia into the fold.

The fold of your duvet, you wish.

Don't you have a fancy
dress party to go to?

Whoa, did someone just mention a party?

Johnson family only.

The likes of you and I are not invited.

To which I am not going.

Zeb: Well, I haven't made enough pasta to go
around, so if you stay, you're going hungry!

Okay?

But you love dress-up parties,
Axl, we both know that.

Seriously, Amelia? Have you
seriously forgotten how that ended?

Wait, wait, wait, stop. Stop.

- What?
- Zeb.

- What about him?
- I think he's going to chuck.

Are you for real? I'm doing you, like, the biggest
favour in your life and you're thinking about Zeb?

What if he chokes?

- Oh my God, it is true.
- What is?

What everyone says about you guys, that you're
actually closet homos but you just don't realize it yet.

- That's not true!
- Okay, then prove it.

Just be with me here. Forget about him.

He's a fucking loser, anyway.

How could you say that about him?

- Because it's true.
- But he adores you!

He worships the ground you walk on.

I know, what a loser.

What a pair of losers!

I was young. We all say
stupid things when we're young.

Just take me to your party tonight
and then we can get it right this time.

- Zeb's cooking you dinner.
- There will be other dinners!

I mean, you wanted me back
then, what's different now?

Now I know you're insane.

- Okay, I am going to that party.
- Sweet, man.

You'll be able to resolve some family issues
while Amelia and I, uh, catch up on old times.

Yeah.

Sure.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Shit, fancy dress.

Dude. Am I not the man with the
best fancy dress-up box of all time?

Yes, Zeb, you are.

- You could have warned me.
- I tried, but you were all,

"Don't you dare
side with him", so...

- Do you still want to smack him?
- Yes!

I don't know, I'm confused!

It's not funny!

Are we just going to let him get away
with what he did to us? To our family?

Apparently we are, Ty, because
we're powerless to stop him. Ah.

This is wrong, this is not right.

He was a really bad father. I
didn't just imagine that, right?

No, Ty.

And now there's part of me that wants
to hug him. How does he do that?!

Shit! Fucker!

Ah! I don't know why I couldn't drive.

No one drives my car.

You couldn't have put your octopus
costume on after we got here?

I'm not an octopus!

The kraken.

Mortal enemy of sailors.

So, it's true what they say.

You can't stop the music.

Amusing much.

I'd just like to say here and now

how pleased I am that you fellas have
stuck by each other all this time.

It's so rare in our kind.

Well, maybe the fuck off and abandon
your family gene skips a generation.

I'm just saying! I'm
proud of you, that's all.

That would have carried a lot
more weight 15 years ago, Dad.

Now, there's a costume!

That is for breaking my one rule.

Hi, Dad.

You haven't aged a day.

That's how you should have handled it.

I do love a good god party.

What's the one rule?

Never hit a woman.

Oh. A cowboy, really?

This is not a good day
for our heterosexuality.

Axl.

Hello, Dad.

My lord, Odin.

Odin?

I wasn't sure if it was BYO,
so I just bought a bottle.

Why didn't you tell me the
builder's brother is Odin?

Because of this moment right now.

Sure he's a little bit on
the young side for you, but...

- Mum!
- But he's Odin!

And I'm not Frigg.

Much to your disappointment.

True, but he's Odin!

Actually, Mother, I've
already fucked Axl.

That make you happy?

- Really?
- He was a woman at the time.

Okay, I won't ask. But a step
in the right direction for sure.

And I much prefer the builder.

So, I guess you've got two choices
here. You can stick with Njord and...

play mummy to Axl or
go after Odin yourself.

For the record, I take
no pride in what I did.

Fair enough.

Although it was awesome.

Thank you for doing what we couldn't.

Bless you. But violence
is not an answer.

Except he totally deserved it.

Yeah, justice was served.

With a squid entr�e.

Now, go and make peace with your father.

- What?
- Why?

Because he's your father.

But he's a knob!

- Who is your father.
- Are you going to make peace with him?

He's my son. I don't have to.

Sons must always make
peace with the father.

He must come to me, just
as you must go to him.

And I got us The
Notebook to watch after.

The Notebook is, like,
my most favourite movie.

I know. I learned it
from your Facebook page.

You know, coming from anyone
else that would be totally creepy.

Cheese board?

But you know my happiest
memories of this family?

The summer afternoons when you boys would
play cricket out the back of the house.

You trying to bowl as fast as you could.

You trying to smash the ball
out of the back of the farm.

And Mike could umpire.

Pull you apart when
you started fighting.

Those were good days.

You talk to him yet?

How do you feel about
him right at this moment?

Disappointed.

Pissed off.

I want to know why he left us.

Hold onto that feeling,

keep it right up here.

Why?

You'll find out.

Joe: Sorry, what was the question again?

Why did you hit Mum?

Well, I could say I wasn't
entirely happy on that farm.

Yeah, we guessed that when you took off.

Or I could blame the drink.

Or say your mother
was a difficult woman.

Or how when a god and a goddess
get together, it always turns feral.

But the truth is, I'm a prick.

I'm a prick now, but I
was a bigger prick then.

Could have calmed her down,
but I chose not to, cause...

I like the drama, the passion.

And let me tell you, your
mother got a few good blows in.

And of course, there was the makeup sex.

That's Mum you're talking about.

Joe: Yeah, sorry.
That was disrespectful.

Stick to the happy memories, boys.

They're much healthier.

Are you suddenly filled with a
need to play backyard cricket?

Yes!

Huh. If only we had a bat and ball.

Lance has a bat and ball.

What, Dawn's dickhead boyfriend?

How do we know this?

I once hit a ball over the neighbour's house
into the next yard, mate. You ever done that?

Well, no, we lived on a farm, so
that would have been impossible.

So, you actually haven't played
backyard cricket, then, have you?

We played on a paddock
in our backyard, so...

But is that technically
a yard, Ty? Is it?

- Yes!
- Is it?

Hmm, I wonder.

- Guys? Sorry.
- What?

Can we wrap this up?
The movie starts in 20.

Sorry, babe. Any time you want
to figure this out, mano e mano,

I've got a bat and ball.

Huh. Okay, well, off to
Dickhead's house we go.

You're doing a good job.

- Turning the sausages?
- The boys.

You're a much better
father than I ever was.

The bar wasn't set very high, was it?

I knew you would be.

- Right from when you were young.
- Don't you dare.

Don't you dare use
me as your ticket out.

Oh no, no, no. I was
always going to bugger off.

But it just helped me sleep a smidge easier
knowing there was a born leader at the helm here.

Yeah, and while you were sleeping easy,

and Mum was off being a tree,

I spent the best years of my
life raising your bloody kids!

Ya? Any life that I might have had,

instead, no, no. I spent it
bringing up my brothers. You?

You made me old before my time.

Bullshit.

Sorry?

You love running this family.

Don't fool yourself, Michael.

If you weren't in charge,
you'd be bloody miserable.

Let me ask you one thing.

If being the boss is so bloody
awful, they're all grown up now.

Why aren't you off surfing in Mexico
or sleeping with unsuitable women?

That answer is because you think
you were born to lead this clan.

Joe? Come and dance with me.

Joe: You know what dancing leads to.

Karen: That's what I'm hoping.

- Ugh, who invited that turd?
- Yeah, I heard that, Axl Johnson.

- Like I care!
- Colin, you came!

And I might just come again
looking at you, you saucy fish.

- Oh! Michael Johnson.
- Colin.

Look at you, you macho, macho man!

Oh, for fuck's sake.

I do love a Lervin party.

Axl.

We haven't talked yet.

- Apparently talking to you is some kind of game.
- Well, it's just talking.

We've got a lot to say to each other.

You must have 100 questions.

Yeah, I do.

Starting with why the hell are you here?

That's easy. I'm here because of you.

Nice d�cor.

Late caveman period?

Oh! Hi, Dawn.

Anders.

- What are you doing here?
- Gleaning sporting equipment.

- What are you doing?
- I was asleep.

Why? What made you tired, Dawn?

- That is none of your business.
- Oh, it's a business thing.

Taking delivery of a special package.

So, you're saying there's
no chance I can play, bro?

No, it's a family honour
thing, but thanks for this.

No, okay, I get that, I get that, bro.

There is a ding in this bat from when my
sister smashed me over the back of the head,

after a disputed run-out.

We're friends now, but
that's a true story, bro.

Also, don't you have
something else to do?

Leaving now.

See you, mate.

To be honest, here's the last
place on Earth I want to be.

But for the
last two years...

ever since you turned 21, I'll bet...

every move I've made, every ship I've sailed
has conspired to bring me towards here.

Every time I tried to sail in the
opposite direction, it was like,

the sea would turn on me and I'd
end up closer, not further away.

I realize now I was
being driven back to you.

- But I didn't do anything.
- You became Odin.

The sea's under your command.

Then why did it attack me?

Sorry?

Last time I was in the sea, there were these
weird flashing light things that attacked me.

Mutiny? Intriguing.

- Now you answer my question, I've answered yours.
- I've got lots more. Like...

how could you abandon us, for starters.

Well, we need to make
time to answer them.

Why are you so unhappy?

You're Odin, son!

Why are you so miserable?

Because I'm as useless at being Odin
as I am at everything else in my life.

- How can Odin possibly be useless?
- He just is, okay?

Doesn't have the balls to sort out his
own flat. Say what needs to be said.

And what's that?

Why do you care?

Because after you tell me,

Odin will go and sort it the fuck out.

Which is what Odin does.

They get on well.

The thing about a Lervin party is there's
always a point when dignity leaves the building.

Vomiting comes next.

I'm just going to pop out,

help Axl for a bit.

You keep on doing that
thing you do so well.

Where are you going?

Bit of a mission.

Mike: Can I have a word?

- You okay?
- Fine.

Apart from being over you asking
me if I'm okay all the time.

- Are you okay being with
him? - Mm-hmm. Yeah, we talked.

- And that is... it was fine.
- Yeah, I bet it was.

We're going for, like, half
an hour, Mike, to do one thing.

- Then we're coming back.
- Yeah, right. Do you want me to come with you?

I can make my own fucking
life decisions, Mike.

- I'm not saying otherwise.
- Yeah, you are!

Jeez.

Where's your car?

Broken. I walked.

Is this Olaf's car?

- Yeah.
- We'll take that.

Joe! Will this thing take long?

Twinkle of an eye, my sweet.

He used to keep a spare under here in case he left
the other in his pocket when he was surfing. Bingo.

Bingo!

You know he's not ever
coming back, don't you?

Nonsense. Why wouldn't he?

It's so beautiful the way
they die holding hands.

I wish all men were like Ryan Gosling.

Hey, Axl! How was your party?

Dude, I need to tell you something.

I should have told you
a long time ago, but...

you need to know now.

Amelia only ever hung
out with you to get to me.

She doesn't give a
shit about you at all.

Of course she cares about me!
We were the Three Musketeers!

Oh, Zeb.

- Whoa! Whoa, what
are you... - Wake up!

She is a fruit bat and a user and she will
never, ever sleep with you in a million years.

You need to know this because it is just
embarrassing watching her use you as her doormat!

No! No, no, no.

You've always had it in for her
because she liked me more than you,

because I am decent and human

- toward her!
- Yeah, and in return,

she treats you as her little monkey boy.

When you realize what an insane grade-A
psycho you've invited into our home...

call me.

Our home?

It's in my name, dude.

Get out of my flat!

Axl: Fine. I'm going.

I am not a psycho!

Ugh! Amelia, that hurt!

You need to get help.

Seriously get some.

What?

And?

- That was not fun.
- Didn't say it would be.

We should go somewhere. Do something.

Okay.

I'm going to suggest the hospital.

What?

I don't want to alarm you, Axl, but you
have a knife sticking out of your back.

And he took my car?

Yes, Grandpa, and Axl.

No apology.

And he took my car.

He will pay and pay if
I ever see him again.

Axl said they'll be
gone like half an hour.

Which is what? Like,
five years in Joe time?

Exactly. So, shall I go after him?

To get my car back? Hell yes!

- To get Axl?
- Mistakes are what we learn from,

Mike.

Like never telling your son

where you leave your spare car keys!

Njord? Njord is nothing. He's an
ugly, crusty old relic compared to you.

- You are better off without him.
- Without him? That is certainly applicable.

And you could be a little more
supportive of your mother, you know.

And you two could get a room, you know.

Ah, Batman! And his offsider, Ball Boy!

- Where's Joe?
- Joe has gone.

- Why?
- Because gods always shoot the gap

when given the chance.

- Eh, Mum?
- You are a bitch of a daughter.

Where nature meets nurture, Mother.

Well, at least with all your family boo-hoo issues
out of the way, we can get down to business, eh?

What business?

Has Anders failed to mention
he's my campaign manager?

Gunderson for mayor!
Counting on all your votes.

My very highly paid campaign manager.

How could you do that?

Could we take this outside?

I feel distinctly unwell.

Fantastic at throwing
parties. Crap at ending them.

Well, at least with your mother
hurling gives us a chance to be alone.

You know, you are even more
beautiful than the real Cleopatra.

If the statues are anything to
go by, she was a bit of a dog!

You say the loveliest things.

Ah. If you're looking for
an asp for those breasts,

- I have a snake.
- Wow!

My knees have gone weak.

Oh, wait, they haven't.

Came prepared.

Not prepared enough.

Okay. St...

Standard rules. Over the wall, on the
roof, you're out. Plus you go get it.

I know the rules, Anders,
which is more than you.

Oh, here comes the sanctimony.

You know what your problem? You have no respect
for this family, you think you're above us.

Fuck you, Mr. I Think
I'm Too Good To Be A God!

Oh, you're calling me
a traitor? That's rich.

Yeah, no. That's out.

- What? Fuck off!
- Yeah.

- Leg before. You're out, give me the bat.
- Bullshit! It was missing the stumps!

No, it wasn't. Give me the bat.

Oh, you want the bat? Fine, take it.

Anders: Ugh. Okay, I will.

Oh, what? You're going to take this out on me now
because you're too dickless to front up to Dad?

Maybe he'd still be here so I could if you
hadn't slapped him like the little bitch you are!

I'll slap you.

- Hey, knock it off.
- Oh, great. Here comes our other dad.

- Ty: At least he's not a traitor.
- Hey, how's your girlfriend Dawn, Ty?

Fuck you!

This is more like it.

Hey! I'm sick and tired of
the both of you. Just grow up.

You grow up, you wanker!

Cut it out, the lot of you!

Don't make me unleash the
kraken. Because you know I will.

God, this is it!

This is what Joe does. This is his wake.

- Is he dead?
- No! What the ship leaves behind.

Once the oil is
dispersed: troubled water.

Your father has gone.

He left a long time ago, and what
you saw today was an apparition.

You're men, for fuck's
sakes! Act like men!

You, Dances With Dudes,

you're out and you know it.

- Go keep wicket.
- What?

Don't whine. The kraken's
decision is final. Stace,

- you're batting.
- Choice!

No, I got him out, so I get to bat! You're only
letting her bat 'cause you're sleeping with her!

Inside.

- You're sending me off?!
- I'm sending you inside to get beer.

We've got backyard cricket to play.

- Mike, you umpire.
- Can I play for once?

No. Having you on a team,
not a level playing field.

I will bowl.

Change of plan. Michele will bowl.

I'll cover all the fielding
positions over here.

Man. I had a knife in my back, and all he did
was pull it out and stick a fancy band-aid on it.

Joe: But they let you keep the knife.

- Souvenir of how useless I am.
- Joe: You are not useless.

You are Odin, who by definition,

- is not useless.
- Axl: Well, this one feels like he is.

You're taking off, aren't you?

Thought I might head down
to Norsewood, actually.

Take a look at the old homestead.

Fancy a road trip?

I'll answer all your questions,
just as long as we're moving.

Yeah.

Let's do it.

That's my boy. You drive.

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