All language subtitles for The Almighty Johnsons s02e09 Everything Starts with Gaia.eng

I found Yggdrasil.

The greatest and best of all
trees from which all life flows?

On behalf of us all,
can I just say one thing?

That is for being you.

In the space of, what? A day? You
managed to turn millions of dollars

into a bunch of
deadbeats on bicycles?

Yep, pretty much.

I feel the need to get wasted.

What?
Nothing.

Have you noticed how weird
she's been since she got back?

Zeb, can you please help?

My father is a prick.
It was nice seeing you all.

So you have no idea why
the cameras and everything?

My father's a control freak,
and in Jacob he's found a mate.

Gaia means the world to me.

If you try this keeping
her prisoner shit again,

you will not see her for dust.

I am now your legal guardian.

What?

How else do you think I got your
dad to back off and see sense?

Me and Zeb - we own you.

Is that so?

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What are you doing?

I had a dream.

OK, are you still
having it and am I in it?

You tell me.

Move.

Ow! A verbal 'no'
would have also worked.

Seriously, why are you doing
whatever you're doing now?

It's far too early in the morning.

Well, I wanted to do
it before I forgot.

I dreamt exactly how
our flat should look.

Uh-huh, and this is it?

No, but if I keep moving stuff,
sooner or later it will be.

Right.

Do I even ask?

She had a dream.

Furniture-moving dream.
That's symbolic.

Symbolic of how she's been
acting really strange lately.

Yeah.

Which is my cue to go serve
breakfast junk food to the masses.

Have fun.

What do you think?

Lots of things, like, maybe
you should take a break and get ready for work now.

No need. I quit.

You quit?

I don't like these chairs here.

You quit?

Yes. That's what I just said.

Why?

Cos it felt like the right
thing to do at the time.

At what time?

When I woke up this morning and
phoned in to tell them I quit.

Gaia, people don't just wake up,
quit their jobs and move furniture.

I did. Grab a chair.

OK, you're going to make me do this
the hard way, aren't you? Fine.

What is going on with you?

You haven't been yourself for a
while, and now... 'off the planet' is one way to describe it.

No, it's not.

Are you pregnant?

Same shin.

Same time of stupid question.

There's nothing wrong with me, Axl.

Where is she? Where's my daughter?

Oh good! Bryn's here.

What are you doing here?

Hi, honey. Um, you remember all
those times we talked about how emergencies can happen at any time

and we must always be ready
to leave at a moment's notice?

To practise evacuations of
the house? Such good times!

Well, this is your moment's notice.

Too bad. I'm busy.

Gaia!

Why do we need to
evacuate the house?

Is she ready?

Not quite. Sweetness, we really
really need to leave here now.

Yes, we do.
No, we don't.

Gaia, please. We need to go.

Then go! Because I'm not
going anywhere with anyone!

And I'm not off the planet! And I'm
definitely not pregnant! And none of this furniture's in the right place!

So just leave me alone!

Gaia!

OK, what is going on here?

Listen to me...

...before it's

...too late.

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She's not here, Eggther.

Thought you could fool us
with a possum heart, did you?

Possum heart? I've no idea
what you're talking about.

Thought we'd be too stupid
to figure it out, but we did.

Ja, it took us 20 years, and don't
go trying to deny it, cos we even got it DNA tested,

and it's definitely a marsupial
heart and not a tiny little girl heart. So where is she?

I dunno what possum heart you're
talking about, but I know that was my door you kicked in. Not cool!

Stay out of it. And there
he is - your little friend.

Me? No. I-I was just passing
through. I smelled pies. I...

I thought this place was a bakery.

Don't give me that dwarf crap.
I know bakery when I see one.

Where...

Hey!

Is...

...the...

...girl?

I don't know.

Liar.

Whatever this is, this
is totally out of line.

This room smells like
the pretty room on the island.

Is it her smell? Is this her room?
You tell me where she right now or I will rip

Start explaining.

Hey! Where do you
think you're going?!

We need to find Gaia.

We need to call the police
is what we need to do.

No, no, that's a bad idea.

Worst idea ever.

Him in there does not deal well
with authority figures. Trust me.

Now, we... we have to find Gaia.
Her life depends on it.

There she is.

Good idea.

What are you doing?

You need to drive.

I was getting away from you two.

No, no, no, we need
to flee here now.

Before he wakes up.

Before who wakes up?

Did you not see the large man
who was apparently after you?

Oh, I was too busy falling out a
fucking window getting away from these two. Why is he after me?

Is this another one of
your drug deals gone wrong?

Yes, yes, it is. I'm sorry.

What's that got to do with Gaia?

I'll explain all that, but only
if we can leave this place now.

Now!
Leaving a psycho in my flat?

Better than here trying to kill us.

It doesn't matter. The designated
driver key doesn't start the car.

Give it here.

Get in.

It's not going to start.
There's a knack to it, that's all.

Bet it won't.

Are you OK?

Just a sprain. I haven't jumped out
a window since I was a teenager.

Can we talk about this as we drive
away in a forward motion, please?

This day sucks. Is it almost over?

It's morning, Anders, so no.

Oh, but that's hours until lunch.

Well, you could fill the void
by finding some clients.

Did you ring those
netball people again?

I told you I left them messages
lots of them - and I got one back:

'Your services are no longer
required as our PR company,' from their new PR company.

Traitorous bitches.
After all I did for them.

Last time you spoke to them, you got
drunk at the end-of-season awards

and speculated loudly on whether or
not the best and fairest was a true blonde

while she was giving
her acceptance speech.

And she totally was, as it turned
out. OK, so, the status report is...

that we have two clients - the
crappy dog-food company and the makers of that inedible cereal.

Correct.

And if I had a dog, I wouldn't
feed it either of those products.

Oh, Ty, morning tea.
I think I love you.

I thought maybe you could
use caffeine right now.

You have no idea.

How come she's your
favourite, not me?

Oh, and a scone to go with it.

You are so sweet.

Oh, that is so...

Oh no, imaginary vomit. Now,
I forget - does this go in the rubbish or can I recycle it? Anyone?

I have a job nearby. I'm a bit
early. I thought it'd be a nice thing to do

something foreign to you.

Is your job nearby in a bar?

Why?

Wh... No.
Yes.

They're not open, Anders.

But they will be.
You can't leave.

Actually, I can and I am.

When you no longer see me, that
is when you'll know for sure. I'll hold your tools for you.

Oh, sounds rude, eh?

Sorry.

Not your fault.

Oh, come on, Axl. You can't just
walk in here whenever you like. I'm not open for business.

Uh, that's not what
your pants are saying.

Look, I'm sorry for interrupting,
but Gaia's had an accident.

I'm fine, honestly.

Except for your arm. Uh, she... she
fell while she was redecorating our flat this morning.

I'm fine.
Could you maybe have a look?

Sure.
And can we have a word downstairs?

About what?
Downstairs.

It's just a sprain, really.

If this is a drug deal you two
stuffed up, why are they coming after Gaia?

Look, I can understand
why you might be upset.

Upset? This huge dude broke my front
door down, started smashing stuff looking for Gaia,

all because he's pissed off
with this little shit.

Who is this little shit?

Mike, meet Gaia's father
and her ex-boyfriend.

Look, I'm sorry, OK, but you know
that Gaia is the most precious thing in the world to me, right?

Well, so do they, which is why we
have to get her away from here.

Look, I'm... I'm thoroughly
aware that this looks bad.

Looks bad?

But if we can just put some distance
between us and them, it'll all be fine.

'Them'? Who is 'them'?

What are you doing, Olaf?

Would it be possible to have a quiet
word with you down here? You too. You stay here.

Is this really important right now?

Yes.

So what's up with
the giant and the dwarf in the bar?

Is that the start of a joke?

Often it is,

but right now it's because there's
a giant and a dwarf in the bar.

Are you stoned, Olaf?

My drug status has nothing
to do with this, Mike. There's a giant and a dwarf in your bar.

He's not tall enough to be a giant.

No, he's the dwarf.
The other one's the giant.

No, that's Gaia's father.

Huh? Oh, that's odd, because
Gaia definitely doesn't smell like a giant.

What do giants smell like?

Pie. Dwarves smell more
gamey - kind like fear.

OK, Grandpa, now is a really bad
time for one of your spin-outs.

Fine, if you don't believe me...

Oi, you, giant. You, dwarf.

What's your business here?

What? What are you talking about?

Are you one of those midget
giants I've heard about?

OK, you're clearly off your
rocker, whoever you are.

And you... you're remarkably
tall for a dwarf.

Freakishly tall.

Who are you?

I'm Badlr, the reborn.

Question is, who are you?

No.

Ullr.

Oh God.

You're gods.

Odin.

No. No.

No.

Are you smiling?

What?

You are. You're smiling.
Stop it. It's unnerving.

Next you'll be whistling
while you work.

I enjoy my work.

No, you don't. How can
anyone enjoy what you do?

At least I have work to do, Anders.

Are you banging Dawn again?
No.

Oh, I see. You're just friends and
that friendship's making you happy. That is so tragic.

Sorry, is my happiness getting
in the way of your depression?

Yes, it is, so knock it off.

And I've been thinking
everything is Mike's fault.

That you're depressed?

Everything. My business is
in the toilet - Mike's fault.

You were going to sweet-talk
your clients back.

You can't sweet-talk those
who won't returned your calls.

Cos you abandoned them for months?

Our mother is gone - Mike's fault.

Don't forget why you had to marry
the nightmare that almost sucked the life out of you - Mike's fault.

Anders, you seem to be forgetting
that we all lost our powers. That was not Mike's fault.

You, Ty, seem to be forgetting that
because Mike was an arrogant cock

who thought he could play with our
money like it was his own, he lost millions that was owed to us.

Now you're stuck repairing fridges
when you could be using your time and that money on a better cause

like figuring out a way to become
mortal so you can be with Dawn,

because that high that you're
feeling from your little morning-tea stalking you did

that'll wear off. And you'll realise
you are no closer to being with her

than you were before you dropped
$10 on a coffee and a scone.

Oh, don't worry. We'll
take it off the bill.

Good as almost new.

Medicinal brandy?

It's a bit early, isn't it?

So? You're a nurse, not a surgeon.

I'm not actually a nurse
any more. I quit.

You quit?

Screw the brandy.
We need champagne.

My rule is if you quit, retire,
marry, divorce, hook up, break up or even just feel like it,

you need to celebrate.

I suppose one couldn't hurt.

Not any more than redecorating
your flat did, eh?

Oh good! You're
drinking... before noon.

I just wanted to make sure you're
OK and, uh, you're not moving Mike's furniture round.

I'm fine.

She's fine.

You father's gone, by the way.

How'd you get him to leave?

Oh, he kinda left of his own accord.

Are you OK up here a bit
longer? That OK with you?

She has champagne. She's fine.

OK.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

I, uh... I couldn't smell anything.

That's because your
nose is untalented.

To a talented nose, Gaia smells like
sunshine and flowers,

not pies or fear.

Well, if Gaia's not a giant,
then how can her dad be a giant?

Clearly, he's not her dad.

So what have giants - and tall
dwarfs, for that matter - got to do with it?

That's something only
a giant or dwarf can answer.

Where is she?

Bathroom. What's so
special about her?

Oh, nothing, nothing. It's just
I need you to watch over her while I'm gone,

and whatever you do,
don't let anyone in.

But if she's not special...

Just need to keep her
safe for a while, OK?

From what?

From bad people who
want to bad things, OK?

Right. You go ahead.

I got this.

And the bar is closed for the day.

Yes, it is.

Guess what - open bar.

Axl?

Gaia?

Hello?

Who are you?

No-one.

Where is she?

Where is who?

What's in the bag?

Reject burgers from where I work,
which I swear is not stealing since they've already been rejected.

Stop where you are.

Are you Freki?

Um, no, Freki's
a Brazilian footballer.

That's funny, cos not so long ago,
I killed Freki in a bar in Tromso.

Oh.

Oh. Ja.

Who the hell are you?

I am Eggther.

The Eggther?

You've heard of me?

I've read stuff - in books.

Really? That's pretty cool.

So what gives a puny mortal like
you naming rights to Odin's wolf?

Nothing. I-I just like
to dress up and pretend.

But I know people - powerful
people. Not even people - gods.

That's right, my best friend
is a god - not just any god, the most powerful god of them all.

Odin.

Uh, ooh, now this one
was declined in Oslo

at a restaurant that served the most
delicious bottle of $300 wine. That was embarrassing.

I thought you were meant to
be on a top-secret mission.

I have to eat, don't I?

Do you have any idea how
fiendishly expensive Norway is?

No.

The plan was Mum would reimburse
me when I got back, but I can't see that happening. Can you?

Bloody Mike.

Behold my last
un-declined credit card.

Oh, it's Mike.
Oh, no, don't you dare answer that.

Mike the control freak who denied
you to the right to find out how not to be you any more?

Nope, it's OK. Gone now.

Oh my God, now he's calling me.
I'm not answering this, you prick.

Don't. I didn't. It was good.

Does he think he can ring us any
time and we'll drop everything and take his call?

True, but... maybe not any more.

True that. From now on we talk to
Mike whenever we want to talk to Mike? Yeah?

Especially not when he rings for
us in an offensive calling order.

So, do you want to test the limits
of this card and order another bottle?

Nah, probably shouldn't.

Nah, but what we should, my brother,
is we should be the gods we're capable of being

if Mike hadn't killed Mum before
she could show us the secrets of the stick.

I can't believe she'd send you all
the way to Norway to fetch a stick.

I know.

I mean, you're not a dog.
You're a...You're a god.

That's right. You haven't
seen the stick, have you?

Do you want to see my stick?

Sure.

Waiter!

Cross your fingers.

After all those years of
looking after yourself.

Of denying my true self.

Hey, I made sacrifices too.

Some of the things
I did makes my skin crawl.

No.

Settle down, boys.

Ullr, of course.

It wasn't exactly hard. You didn't
go more than a couple of blocks.

I was hungry.

And you are Odin.

Stupid, stupid, stupid giant.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I knew there was something
about you I didn't like.

Yeah, I'm Odin. But who are you?

My name is Hllebard.

Jacob.

Your real name.

Jacob. I really like it as a name.
I didn't want to change it.

So start talking.

I'm eating. It's rude to
talk with your mouth full.

Start with Gaia.

Yes, it does.
What?

Everything starts with Gaia.

So you cut this from
the actual Tree of Life?

I did.

Was that wise?

It's a big tree, Ty. It's huge. It's
not going to miss one teeny branch.

But what if when you cut this
bit off, like, a whole village was swept away in a landslide?

I... did not think about
that while I was pruning.

Huh. Nah, I'm pretty sure
it doesn't work like that.

Thought you had no
idea how it works.

Hey...

maybe this can help you
on your quest for mortality.

There. That do anything?

No.

How about down there
where life starts?

Little wriggle?
That's disrespectful to the stick.

Useless stick of uselessness.
Tree of Life my arse. Tree of Useless.

Unlike this, which I also
brought back from Norway.

- Yes, it tastes like paint thinner, but...
- it gets the job done.

Cheers.

Are we ready now?

After all those years of vegan crap,
you have no idea how good that was.

You said you liked my cooking.

Excuse me. Gaia.

What about her?

She's not your biological
daughter, is she?

Does she look like my daughter?

I remember the first time I laid
eyes on Gaia, all those years ago lying there in that squalor.

So beautiful, so innocent.

So... in need of care.

How could I bring harm to this
beautiful, beautiful child?

Who were her parents?

They were the worst sort
of creatures to walk the face of this earth.

They didn't deserve
to be called parents

having that beautiful child in that
toxic room as they manufactured that poison.

I am her father and her mother, and
I raised her and I protected her.

Even though you were
sent here to kill her?

Her parents - they were
gods, weren't they?

What?

We are no friends of
the gods, giants and dwarfs.

But even by your venal, arrogant
standards, they did not deserve to be called such.

Sorry... are you saying
that Gaia's a goddess?

I told you giving her a hippy
goddess name was too much of a clue.

It was Waiheke.

I was trying to blend in.

No. No, she's not a goddess.

Not yet.

Is she?

I don't know why the furniture
needed moving. All I know is I had this crazy dream

about how the furniture should look
and it woke me up, so at 5am I'm up moving furniture.

But not before I phone
in to quit my job.

You had a vision.

Or just a dream.

Have you been behaving
strangely lately?

Depends what you mean.

Mood swings? Out-of-character
behaviour? Heightened sexual urges?

Making sudden outlandish decisions
without really knowing why? That sort of stuff.

Maybe. But I'm definitely
not pregnant.

I talked to myself quite a lot.

When?

Uh, sometimes.

Top up, Gaia?

No, but she's 22. The 21 thing
applies to goddesses, right?

Oh, hell yes. Those last few months
before they turn 21 and change nightmare of hormonal freakiness.

Trust me, you don't want to
be anywhere near that shit.

How old is she, Bryn?

I had to move some numbers around,
shave a year here and there on a form or two.

A fake birth certificate. And when
I had to put her into a regular school

Because you couldn't
home-school a hamster.

Waiheke Home-School Association
Parent of the Year two years in a row, excuse me very much.

How was I to know she'd want
to socialise with her peers?

She was a teenager. That is the
problem with giants. You can't think things through.

How old is she, Bryn?

You know the problem with you?
You're a dwarf and you're always beading.

You leave my beading out of this!

I did most of the hard work
while you... swanned around.

And I had to give up the best
meat-eating years of my life. And I had to pretend I was gay.

At least you didn't have to
pretend you were straight.

Will you shut up?

What have you got to do with this,
anyway, friend of Snow White?

Oh, that is such an offensive term
to us dwarfs. That's typically god-like.

Answer the question, runt.

I was like him. I was sent
down here to kill her.

And I tracked them to Waiheke,
because giants are so complete crap at hiding.

And then I laid eyes on her.

And all thoughts of
killing her went away.

And I all I wanted to do
instead was to protect her.

From the likes of you.

By becoming her boyfriend?

I've been on the fringes of Gaia's
life for a long time, keeping watch.

The boyfriend thing was his genius
idea to deal with the inevitable.

What inevitable?

The 21 inevitable.

As much as you try,
you can't fight time.

Of course, the alternative is
that she's actually barking mad.

No way. She is so on her
way to becoming one of us.

A new sister. Yay.

But she doesn't really strike
me as the goddess type.

But she's got a goddess name.

Exactly. Isn't that
just a tad obvious?

Sometimes the universe
is obvious, Stacey.

Not to me, it's not.

Well, that's because you're
a dark and suspicious person.

How's that arm of yours?

OK. Hardly hurts at all now.

But just in case, I prepared
some more anaesthetic.

Oh. OK.

It was like a clock was ticking.

Because there is a ticking clock.

Yes, ticking clock. Got it.

But why did you and you want
to kill her in the first place?

That's what I want to know.

I think that's quite obvious, Axl.

Not to me.

Because of the prophecy that a new
dark age would begin for giants...

And dwarfs.

...with the birth of
a child under southern stars.

So we were chosen...

...and trained to
hunt out the child.

And to end her.

And what did we do instead?

Well, you, mainly.

Delivered her unto the one she
needed to be kept away from.

Thus fulfilling the prophecy.

Unless...

it is he who is ended.

Like I didn't see that coming.

She is Frig.

Yes, Axl. That's
what they're saying.

Midget giants. It's freaky.

Took my father some time to digest
my physical handicap. That's what he called it - a handicap.

The other giants used
to laugh at me too.

But when they needed someone for the
great mission - to walk amongst the mortals - who did they turn to?

On that note, you try to kill my
brother again, we won't be so nice.

My killing days are gone.

Not that they ever started.

Look who's talking.

And Gaia knows nothing
about any of this?

Well, strangely, we never
sat down and had that chat.

So, how did you get away with it?

Well, clearly I didn't,

given that Odin and Frig
ended up flatting together.

No, no, no, with all the giants

and the dwarfs too, I suppose
with the 'not killing her' thing.

Well, I was meant to bring back
her heart as proof, so I sent back a possum heart

about the same size as a baby's
with a note saying that I had met a large woman and was settling in NZ.

And I just kept telling
them I couldn't find her.

The guy at the flat

he was talking about possum hearts.

Yeah, that's Eggther.

As in watchman of
the giants Eggther?

Watchman, herdsman, executioner.

Eggther is here?

Yeah, to kill her. And me.

And anyone else who gets in his way.
Zeb.

Their name doesn't matter
Eggther will kill them.

Zeb will be getting home from work

at the flat where the Egg guy is.

I've been thinking a lot about
love and life and destiny.

You think too much.

What if we can never get what we
want - what destiny wants for us?

That's deep!

Depressing.

Especially from a man who strains
with all his being to fight the shit hand destiny dealt him.

Mm.

No, no, I think that's bullshit.
Destiny doesn't happen to you. You make destiny happen.

Destiny's a decision.
No, you can't decide your destiny.

'Course you can.
Otherwise it wouldn't be destiny.

OK.

Perfect example - my flight
home from Norway, there was this super-hot flight attendant.

She was in coach; I was
in first-class, obviously.

Left to destiny that happens to
other people, we wouldn't have met.

But I needed to go to the
toilet, and we did meet,

because instead of using the
facility in the front of the plane,

I chose to use the ones in
the back with all the cattle,

because I had decided it was my
destiny to fuck her, and I did, right over Kazakhstan.

Now I'm hard just thinking about it.

You could have left
the last part out.

Actually, the last part is all I can
think about, which is why the next girl I see,

I am going to make
my cock her destiny.

The very next do-able girl, I mean,
and we are going to find that woman.

So you can be her cock of destiny.

And drink until we are
declined. Come, Ice Man, my wingman.

We should seek reinforcements.

There's five of us, one of him.

Dwarfs aren't known for
their fighting prowess.

I thought you were a dwarf assassin.

And did I assassinate anyone?

Axl, you should stay out.
We can't risk you.

No, no, that's shedding
numbers, not gaining them.

No way. He's my mate.

OK, but you stay with me. You two,
you go round the back. The rest of us will fan out

Or simply walk in the
front door. Grandpa!

He's not here, but he's been here.

He has a very distinctive smell.

Bacon-and-egg pie?

Uh... viscera.

Minced-up organs, like haggis.

Zeb!

Zeb.

It's too late.

Oh shit.

Zeb?

Think you can
trap me, do you, Odin?

Who is this?

Your worst nightmare.

Eggther.

Ja, and I know you're Odin,
cos a little birdie told me so.

I want the girl.

I know.

Bring her to me, or your
friend Zeb - he die.

And bring me one of those
roast chickens - the ones from the supermarket.

I'll contact you later to make
arrangements. Now, put Hllebard on the telephone.

He wants to talk to you.

Hey, Eggther.

Make sure they bring the
girl - and the chicken.

Any tricks and you die
with Odin's friend.

Hey, when you say 'die with Odin's
friend', you don't mean die die, right?

I mean, it was just
for effect, right?

Like in the movies, right?

No. I mean die die.

Ah, yes, this seems pleasing.

Uh, waiter, a bottle of your finest
pinot, please, and two glasses.

This is pinot, right, so
try not to chill it too much.

Ah, yes, amusing!

Waiter, can we start up
a bar tab, please?

Are you sure that's wise?

Destiny, my brother, will provide.

I thought you made your own destiny.
Ah, don't quibble.

And they're off.

So, is the roast chicken code?

No, Eggther eats a lot,
even by giant standards.

Can I say something?

This might not be the most popular
option, but this said person is mortal,

and quite often, they get sacrificed
in situations like this.

That is true. Plus,
he is quite annoying.

We are not sacrificing anyone,
especially my best friend.

Let me check on how we're doing.

No, Grandpa. Not now.

Oh, that looks beautiful.

Hello.

Oh, we've had a fun time.

Yeah, I can sense that.

Did you sort stuff out?

Uh, not quite. Meanwhile,
you've been having a party.

Oh, you know, birds of a feather.

Well, if you could keep those
birds up here, that would be good.

She's her, isn't she?

Just keep everyone here, OK?

Haven't you noticed? I'm not
very good at doing what I'm told.

If you do this,
you will be rewarded.

Hmm. how?

Any way you want.

I can work with that.

Olaf.

Some of us think better
with a drink in our hand.

OK, goddess head count is at four
a drunk and stoned four, but at least in one place.

So what are we going
to do about Zeb?

Just a thought, but have we
completely ruled out giving him Gaia in exchange?

I mean, in many ways she has
grown up to be something of a disappointment.

What is this dwarf still doing here?

That's right, go on, feed into
the stereotype. Toss the dwarf.

OK, we are not giving
him Gaia. Agreed?

Agreed.

How would you deal with Eggther?

Apart from running away?

Yes. Has he got any weaknesses?

Gluttony?

There is a school of thought that
says when you have an angry giant,

the best solution is to
find something angrier.

No.

I told you I think better
with a drink in my hand.

No way.

Do we have an alternative,
Lord Odin?

Oh for fuck's sake, can't
a man have a shit in peace?

Who is this?

Hello, Derrick.

My Lord Odin?

Yes, Thor, it is I.

And we need your help.

You do?
Yep.

I have dreamed of this day since the
last time we met. How may I serve, my Lord?

We need your... skills.

Any time, anywhere...

You need to come to Auckland.

Really?

You're going to make me come to that
shithole? Can't we go somewhere?

We have a little giant problem here.

You've got giants in Auckland?

Yeah, we do.

I hate giants.
I know.

I mean, I've never actually met
one, but I'd love to kill one, being Thor and all.

Yep, that's why we called you.

I'm on my way, my Lord.

Thor's on board.

I want nothing to do with this.

Your objection's been noted.

That deity is an of fence
against all things civilised.

Trust me, we know.

Now what?

Now we wait.

I'll get Ty and Anders up to speed

although what help Anders will
be in a situation like this is anyone's guess.

What about Gaia?

Isn't it about time someone told
her what's going on and who she is?

I mean, doesn't she
have the right to know?

That would seem fair.

I want to do it. But you
need to do it with me.

The only way Gaia will believe her
life from birth until now has been a lie

is if the main liar
fronts up with the truth.

On one level, yes.

But also she may attack me.

What if you break it to
her and then later on I?

For Gaia, Bryn. You owe it to her.

Fine. For Gaia.

A-And not here. I don't want to tell
her she's my destiny in some manky bar.

Hey!

I want her to be somewhere she
feels safe and happy. Any ideas?

Beautiful!

So pretty.

Wow.

Ingrid did my hair.

Yeah, she did. It's, uh...

Wow.

I love it.

Uh, so your dad and I were wondering
if you wanted to grab a bite?

You know, since it's lunchtime
and all. And we could have a talk.

I'm not going back with him.

No, never.

It's actually about the opposite
of going back with him - about never going back.

Please, it's important.

OK.

Well?

I can neither confirm nor deny.

Oh, you bastard.

I don't fancy anyone in this
bar. I fancy you more than any woman in this bar.

Pass.

I hate this bar.

OK, I'm going to go take a slash
and then we're getting out of here.

As Odin has his Frigg,
Eden has her Bragi.

So if Helen meets Anders...

She will fall in love with Bragi,
like she has countless times over thousands of years.

She will continue to love him
until it ends badly for her.

Anders?

Anders, are you in there?

Little busy right now.

Wrap it up. We need to
get the hell out of here.

Ty?

Hey, messing with the
cock of destiny, bro.

You've always loved the beach,
eh? Since you were a little girl.

We've spent many an afternoon
enjoying the sea and the sand. Remember?

I should've taken more pictures.

Dad, you know that's meat
you're eating, right?

Oh, is it? Well, look at that.

Mmm, delicious.

I think that's enough with
the hot dogs, Bryn. It's time.

Time for what?

Right.

There are some things that I need to
tell you, Gaia, and I'm not sure how to say any of them,

so I'm just going to say them
all of them - in one breath, if possible, OK? Here we go.

I'm not actually a vegetarian.
I'm not actually gay.

I am not actually even human, but
a midget giant. I'm not actually your biological father,

but I love you and all I have ever
done has been to protect you.

Oh, and you're two years
younger than you think,

which, if you were 40, you'd
be happy to receive this news,

but I can see by the look on your
face, you're not - happy or 40.

Bryn, do you want me
to take it from here?

Yes. Sorry.

There's no easy way to say this,
but if you hear me out,

it will explain all the weird
stuff that has been happening in your life.

You see, there's a story - except
it's a real story, as it turns out

about a god named Odin, who
is the king of all Norse gods,

and a goddess named Frigg,
who is his truly beloved,

and they are destined to be together
so they can rule the earth.

And the thing is...

these gods and goddesses all live
in NZ, and me and my brothers are descendants of these gods,

so, hi, I'm Odin, and guess
who you are in this story.

You, Gaia, are soon
to become Frigg

his... my... truly beloved.

That's about it.

Mm.

OK, not a complete success.

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