All language subtitles for The Almighty Johnsons s01e07 Bad Things Happen.eng

I'm Ullr.

So, Ullr is the god of
paper, rock, scissors?

Of all games, actually.

Nothing gods do turns out
well for people around them.

I was 21. I owned that pool table

You built a leaky home.

It's not a leaky home.

I will fix it.

You will?

But you're going to have to move out.

We can't afford to...

I know and I will take care of it.

How the hell can you afford that

I'll shuffle things around.

What about Valerie?

We won't tell her.

Why can't you just admit
it for fuck sakes!

This is way too hard for you!

You want me to gamble, is that it?

Take the easy way out?

Why not?

Please don't leave.

Don't go.

I love... you being around.

You know, this job would be much more
fun if I was getting paid for it.

The sooner it's done, the sooner
your nightmare's over, isn't it?

Sure, Mike. Whatever you say, Mike.

It's not like I'd rather be doing
anything else with my Saturday.

Oh yeah? And what would that be, Axl?

Pussying it up with Anders?

Well, we are on a sacred quest
for the good of the family.

Bullshit. You're getting your
end away and you love it.

I'm getting my end away,

yeah, but in search of the Frigg, Mike.

Is it my fault there's perks to this job?

You're even starting to sound like Anders.

Hey, I didn't ask to be Odin.

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Why is he taking away the
jib he delivered yesterday?

What?

Shit.

Hey, wait up!

What...

Fuck.

- Hey.
- Yeah.

Zeb, who is the man that
just went into Gaia's room?

That'll be Jacob.

Who's Jacob?

Gaia's boyfriend.

Since when does Gaia have a boyfriend?

Since recently.

What do you mean recently?

They hooked up that night you went down
the line for your auntie's funeral.

She met him at some jewellery exhibition.

Jewellery?

He's a jeweller.

A jeweller?

Why are you repeating everything I say?

It's good she's finally
found someone though, eh?

'Cause female flatmates are way easier
to handle when they're getting boned.

You reckon they're actually...

Oh yeah, I've heard a lot of
boning going on in that room.

I've never heard any.

'Cause you're always out, man

giving the bone yourself.

Well, you rock in here way after everyone
else has gone to bed and commence boning.

And while I'm in my room listening
to everyone else boning.

The only person I get to bone is me.

Hi.

Hi.

Good day?

The washing machine is making
that scary noise again.

I thought it was fixed

I'll take a look.

Or you could buy a new one
like you promised weeks ago.

I said I'll take a look.

I'll take a look.

I just walked in the door, okay?

Okay. Okay. I was just asking.

Hello.

Mike's actually in the shower.

Sorry? And you are?

Judy.

How can I help you, Judy?

Well, so Gaia's dad introduced you?

Oh, I've just opened an exhibition
at the community gallery in Hauraki.

He brought Gaia along to the opening.

Nice.

I think it's fair to say that me and Bryn,

we never warmed to each other.

I wouldn't know anything about that.

I like him.We get on.

That's awesome.

So, you and Gaia were out buying
new sheets and stuff today?

Yeah, well, she was buying.

I was just there to carry stuff.

Cool.

We should go.

We'll miss the ferry.

Right.

Off to see your dad, then?

Yeah. We're meeting him for
breakfast in the morning.

Right.

I'll be at Jacob's tonight
if anyone needs me.

Thanks for the beer.

No probs.

Be back Monday.

See ya.

Let's get pissed.

Okay. If you insist.

There was a call for you on your mobile.

Okay.

It was Judy.

She wants you to call.

Okay.

She's a little pissed off
about a late rent payment.

Seems she doesn't want to be evicted.

What's going on here, Mike?

It's nothing you need to worry about.

Have you got some South African lovebird
holed up in an apartment in town?

No. No way.

Then why are you paying
rent on this woman's house?

Judy is Pete's wife.

Zimbabwean people.

Pete, the moaning yuppie.

He's not a yuppie.

Well, you finished their
place ages ago so...

No, I didn't

because Dennis let me down on the
roofing job he did for them.

Fat Dennis?

Yeah. Leaked like a bloody sieve.

Maybe because he's too fat

to be on anyone's roof without
putting bloody great big holes in it

but what's that got to do with us?

I stand by my build.

I've been fixing up for them.

It's a total refit

so I had to put them up somewhere.
That's all.

So this is you doing the honourable thing

and paying for everything, I presume.

My reputation is important to me, Valerie.

Even when, strictly speaking,
it's Dennis' fault?

Yeah, well, Dennis has shot through.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

So it's my responsibility.
I need to do this.

So, what's the problem with the rent?

The cash flow is bit tight.

Well, how tight?

It's a temporary thing.

Jesus Christ.

I just need to get the house finished.

And you were going to
tell me all this when?

I didn't want to worry you

because we've got the IVF coming up

And I suppose that money's gone too?

No. No way.

I have not touched that.

I would never do that.

Why not? Why bring a child into
this world when we have no money!

Valerie, come on.

Take the blame, pay the rent,

do the right thing, be Mr. Honourable!
You always do this!

Jesus, you frustrate the
hell out of me sometimes!

I will sort this.

How, Mike, how?

You have no idea, do you?

You drag us into this with absolutely no
idea how you're going to sort it out!

Jesus Christ, woman, give
me a fucking break!!

Do whatever you want, Mike.

It seems you do anyway.

* So, his gun shot his chest *

* But he'll try again
for the lady in dress *

* I've been waiting my whole life so *

* Why won't you, *

* why won't you *

* Die, die, die *

Shit

What's up, Ax?

Beer's gone.

That's 'cause you drank it.

You had some too.

Like three.

Bloody Jacob.

He had one then you drank the rest.

I want to get wasted.

You've had many beers. You
must be feeling something.

Nothing.

It's very unlike you.

You're usually the first one
asleep under the table.

You shut up. That's you.

We need to find more piss.

An admirable plan.

Unless you're flush with cash,

we have a problem because I'm skint.

Anders' place.

Think if he was here, he
would have noticed by now.

Useless bastard.

Come on. Let's go get
pissed somewhere else.

Paying for it how?

I've got like five bucks
left after the taxi in.

That's going to get us
a long way, isn't it?

Yeah, I guess you're walking home then.

Dude, how did you do that?

Maybe it was unlocked all along

Not when I tried it.

Maybe you're a weak ass.

Maybe you just broke the door.

Maybe it was already half broken.

Do you want to get pissed or not?

Behold the mother lode.

Is this cool?

Sure.

Won't he be angry?

If he is, he is. We can take him.
He's a pussy.

Let's get wasted.

Why on earth not.

Hi.

Where are you?

Out.

Yeah. I got that.

Are you in a bar?

Yeah.

Try not to spend too much money, eh? It's
not as if we've got a lot to go around.

The bloody Irish, eh?

Double or quits.

Ah, nah. You're too good for me, mate.
Good Game

Hey, how's it going?

All right.

You want a game?

What?

Darts.

No.

Come on.

There's only one thing
worse than drinking alone,

that's drinking and
playing darts on your own

Don't make me a sad ass

I'm Brian.

Mike.

Come on. Quick game.

I don't think so.

501 50 in. Winner takes ante.

20 in if it's too rich for you.

It's just darts, Mike.

It's not the end of the world.

Make it 100 in.

Good man.

That's three bull's-eyes
to double out, isn't it?

Good luck with that.

What the...

Three bulls, I believe.

How the hell did you do that?

Just lucky, I guess.

That ain't luck.

That is bloody skill, mate.

I don't mind being fleeced
by at alented bastard.

It's the tin-asses that piss me off.

It's all yours.

You play often?

I try not to.

You want to give me a
chance to win it back?

Another time.

You have a good night.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I might just do that.

- Where to, mate?
- Casino. Thanks.

Shit.

Dude, check it out.

Look what I found.

Where did you find that stuff?

In your brother's room.

He's a stone-cold freak.

You can't go looking around Anders' room.

I wasn't. Found them by accident.

Where?

Under his bed.

How are you accidentally
looking under his bed?

I don't know. I just was.

He's got DVDs under there too.

So?

Adult movies.

I don't care. It's his private stuff.
Put it back.

We could watch a movie together.

No. No way.

Come on, then. Loosen up.

I can't.

I can't even get pissed

so no way am I watching porn with you.

Come on, Axl.

You've been all weird
and uptight all night

when here we are in the mothership.

We have piss for Africa.

We have dope when we find
out where he's hidden it.

We have freaky sex shit which

I don't know... we can do something with.

I mean, we're consenting adults, right?

Zeb?

Yeah, what?

Turn around.

Hi.

The door was kind of open.

Yeah. It's broken a bit.

Is Anders here?

Not right now.

Do you know if he will be?

No. Sorry.

I'm his brother. Axl.

Right.

So it's okay for us to be here.

This is Zeb.

Hi.

He's a bit special.

I'm Kylie.

Leah.

Sascha.

We're taking advantage
of Anders hospitality.

Drink, ladies, while you wait?

Yeah. Sure. Why not?

Just help yourselves to anything you want.

Axl, can I have a quick word?

Won't be a sec.

Which one do you want?

What?

Which one? And don't say all
three 'cause that's not fair.

I don't want any of them.

You can have two. Just leave me one.
I like Leah.

Or Sascha. I don't care.

I'll take any one of them.

Zeb, they're friends of Anders.
They're not here for you or me.

But they could be if we
play your cards right.

I really can't see that.

Might. What makes your brother so special?

He has a way with girls like this.

I could have that way too.

No, you couldn't so don't
get your hopes up.

Look, they'll have one drink

and if Anders doesn't show up by the
end of it, they'll be on their way.

I guarantee it.

- Right. Let's do it.
- Do it.

Catch up, boys.

These have some vodka.

Oh yeah, I'm going to drink
enough to take down an elephant.

Place your bets.

Good evening, sir.

And hello.

Last call.

No more bets.

Blackjack. Well done.

Lucky me, eh?

Blackjack on 3,000. Dealer pay 4 1/2.

Dealer has 8.

10.

19.

House pays 20 and above.

What do you know, eh?

3 or 14?

Double down.

21.

Ah, bring it on

Two or Twelve?

Split.

Blackjack. Well done.

And blackjack.

Well done.

What are the chances, eh?

Okay. This is embarrassing.

House has ten.

Sixteen.

Too many. House pays.

I was sure she had me.

- 12.
- I'll stand.

On 12?

House has ten. Twelve

Too many.

House pays.

Would you believe me if I old
you this was beginner's luck?

Would you believe me if I said I'd
never seen anything like this before?

I just might.

So, what do you do

when you're not magically
appearing in my life?

You mean like work or...

You're a model, aren't you?

I work in H.R.

That's amazing

because I'm studying I.T.

and you know what you get

when you mix H.R. and I.T, don't you?

Nope.

Hirt. (Hurt) H-I-R-T.

- Get it?
- Right.

But hurt in a good way.

So, you're Anders' brother?

Yeah. How do you guys know him?

Just from around.

Cool.

You're much taller than him.

Just about everyone is.

Hey, you want another drink?

Sure. Why not?

It's not like it's having any effect
so far so I might as well keep going.

Maybe you need something
a little stronger.

Maybe.

It depends. What are you talking about?

Give me a minute.

Kylie has the best drugs.

Cool.

So, are you a lot like your brother?

How do you mean?

Do you know how to have
a good time like him?

Um, sometimes.

I thought so.

So do you think we can
have a good time tonight?

Yeah. I think we can.

Come on. Bring your friend.

Zeb.

Zeb.

You know, we could have
done this out there.

It's not like there's anyone else here.

Yeah, I know. There's something
about drugs and bathrooms.

It's sexy, you know?

Fuck, yeah. Plus if you need
to have a pee, you can.

Zeb, not now.

I wasn't. I was just saying.

So, who's first?

That's me.

Do you know if Anders is
going to be home tonight?

Hard to say with him.

Yeah, true.

I hope so 'cause I'm in
the mood for a good party

and Anders sure knows how to party.

Yes, he does.

Oh, yes.

Awesome.

You girls not having any?

Ah, trust me. We had more than
enough before we came out.

Put us in the mood for hours.

Twenty-one

Seventeen.

Hit me.

Twenty.

Nineteen.

Yeah, I think I'll stay.

House has an ace.

Eighteen. House pays 19 and above.

Could you come with me, sir?

Uh, why?

We're asking you to leave the table now.

What have I done?

Come with me, please.

How? How was I cheating?

That's what I want to know.

Sorry. You know, I can't help you.

I just got lucky, that's all.

Crazy, dumb luck. There's no
law against luck, is there?

That is not luck.

What I saw out there, that's not luck.

You defied the odds to a level I've
never seen before. How'd you do it?

I didn't do anything. I just
played the cards that I was dealt.

You will leave - now.

You never return to these premises.

If you do, you'll be trespassed off.
You understand?

What about what I won?

You'll be cashed out.

That's all I ask.

Has the second line kicked in?

No, nothing.

You must have the constitution of a rhino.

Not usually. Usually, I'm the
cheapest drunk in the room.

well, second cheapest after him.

The one night I need to get
completely shit-faced.

Why?

Why what?

Why the need?

Uh, I just do.

What the fuck is going on here?

Anders!

Hello, Anders.

Hello. Who broke my door?

You're paying for a new one.

Sorry.

Forget about the door.

Yeah, pay some attention to us.

I know you.

Yeah, you do.

Yeah. K...

Kylie.

Kylie. That's right.

And, uh... Chelsea.

Leah.

Are you sure?

Do I look like a fucking Chelsea to you?

No, but Chelsea looks a lot like you.

And you, I definitely remember you.

You wrote some very rude things on my car.

Hey, that's all in the past.

Tonight's tonight and we're
here to make things right.

What things?

Well, we can talk about that over
a drink and a couple of lines

You want a line, Anders?

You know me.

Yeah, I sure do.

Step this way. And why
don't you get him a drink?

I'm still angry with you about my door

I think you and I just became
surplus to requirements, my friend.

And I don't really want to be
around to see Anders in action

so I vote we split.

Zeb.

Zeb?

What is this stuff?

What stuff?

The stuff you just put up your nose.

It's like ketamine.

What is ketamine?

Horse tranquilizer.

Hey, that's right. You work at a vet's.

Why the fuck are we putting horse
tranquilizer up our noses?

'Cause it's fun.

I said it's like ketamine,

except this is much, much stronger

When you say "much stronger"

Nighty-night, Anders.

So I guess the real question is why
the fuck aren't you unconscious?

Hey, asshole. Thanks for that.

Thanks for what?

I just lost my job because of you.

Management don't take too kindly to
croupiers and clients pulling cons.

But that's not what happened.

No, that's not what happened.

But that is sure as hell what
it looked like so I got fired.

This is bullshit.

I'll go back in there and explain.

Oh, get real. They saw what they saw.

That is not what went on.

I don't know what went on.

All I know is what you did in there was
the freakiest shit I've ever seen.

And then I copped it.

So thanks again.Thanks a bunch.

Wait. Hey, wait a second.

I am really, really sorry.

Not half as sorry as me, pal.

Here, um... let me make it up to you.

For Christ sakes. Are
you totally retarded?

There are security cameras
around here, dipshit.

They see you paying me off

and not only will I lose my job,
I'll get prosecuted as well.

I'll pass on that.

Shit, sorry. What can I do?

Nothing. I just want to
get something to eat.

I didn't quite make my dinner
break tonight, for some reason.

Then let me buy you dinner.

You just ruined my night
and possibly my life.

Why the fuck would I want
to have dinner with you?

Please.

Will you tell me how you did it?

I'll do my best to explain.

Look, I know Anders can be a
real asshole at times but...

Hey, that's not nice.

Whatever he did to you and

whatever you're planning,

whatever you want to do to him,

it isn't going to make
things better, is it?

Who said we're only going to do it to him?

You're his brother, aren't you?

From the same family.

Did someone send you here to do this?

No. We met on Facebook.

Why?

No reason.

Okay, Anders,

if you could speak now,
that would be good.

What?

Speak in your defence.

Speak with your voice, Anders.

Speak, Anders.

Ladies...

Ladies...

I know that...

I'm not perfect.

That... compared to you
three, yeah, three,

I'm nothing.

And... all I ask...

is have a little...

Thank god he shut up.

I so hate the sound of his voice.

He's good to go.

Just leave him alone.He's
just a dick, you know.

He's pretty harmless, really.

Unless you make the mistake
of falling in love with him.

Then you learn the really hard way

you're just another piece
of meat to Anders,

another screw to add to his list.

Do you believe in God?

Um... I'm not sure.

Are you Christian? Do you have faith?

I don't know.

Me neither. I used to.

I was saving myself for marriage

because that's what I thought
God wanted me to do.

And then I met Anders

and it's like everything I ever
believed in just went away.

And the next morning, he kicked me out

on a promise of a call
that just never came.

At least I had three
whole days with Anders.

Hardly left his bed the whole time.

Pity one of those days was my wedding day.

He picked me up on hen's night.

He knew I was the bride.

And to this day, I have no idea
why I left that bar with him.

I only know it fucked
up the rest of my life.

I think in the bedroom
would be appropriate.

- Don't you, girls?
- Yep

What are you going to do to him?!

So how much did you win?

I lost count around 50.

Just under 90,000.

And they let you keep it. Amazing.

There was no proof I was cheating.

It didn't stop them firing my ass, did it?

Look, I'm happy to give you as much...

How did you do it, Mike, the scam?

There's no scam.

But there is something.

You won't believe me.

Stop stalling. You owe me the truth.

It's kind of a gift I have.

Oh, please.

It's true. When I play games
I can't help but win.

And that's it?

It is that simple.

And this gift, have you always had it?

Not always. A few years now.

And is there an explanation as to
how or why you have this gift?

Not one that would make any sense to you.

Well, that sure sounds
like one sweet gift.

It isn't.

Oh, come on. You must be set up for life.

You must be a multimillionaire, right?

Try builder.

Builder? Okay.

I don't exploit this gift.

Why the hell not? I would.

Because when I do, bad things happen.

Like what?

It was undeniably my fault.

Once?

And tonight. I couldn't stop
winning, you got the flick.

So trust me, bad shit happens.

Well, maybe it wasn't so bad.

You lost your job.

Which could be read as a sign.

Of what?

That it's time to stop pissing
around and finally go to Varsity.

The job was crap, actually.

Okay, what would you study?

Law.

Okay.

Then let me pay your fees.

Would you get over it?

I seriously don't want your money.

Okay.

But what I would like is

to test this gift of yours.

Show me how it works and all's forgiven.

I can't go back to the casino.

Who said anything about any casino?

Enough?

No, actually, because
there is one more test,

one no one, and I mean no one, can pass.

Which one?

That one.

Unfucking believable.

- No going back.
- No going back.

What are you going to do to him?

I have no idea why you're still awake

but silence is definitely
your best plan of action,

unless you want to be next.

Please don't hurt him.

Don't worry. He'll be fine.

Just not the man he used to be.

What the fuck are you going
to do to my brother?

Well, first we're going to have some fun.

Then I'm going to glue
his cock to his stomach.

Sascha's really good at arts and crafts.

Shouldn't take much glue.

Yeah, mainly so it's out of
the way for the operation.

No, don't.

Oh, don't worry. We're not
going to cut his balls off.

We thought about it.

Yeah, too messy. Too many ways
it could go tragically wrong.

I mean, we don't want to kill him.

We thought about that too.

We just want make sure that there aren't any
little Anders to abuse women in the future.

He's not some kind of dog you can spay.

Oh, I'm not the vet. I'm
just the receptionist.

But don't worry.

I've been studying online

and it seems pretty straightforward.

Get away from my brother!

How the hell did you get...

Get away from him!

I get that you're pissed off.

Kind of hard not to. And I
get why you're pissed off.

This bastard...

And yeah,

he probably does deserve it
for some of the shit he does.

But not this way.

This is just wrong.

Yeah, he fucked up your lives at one time

but do you really want to ruin the
rest of it by going to prison?

Anders won't tell the cops.

That would dent his pride too much.

But I might.

Oh, he'll really love you for that,

especially when we take our stories public

and wreck his business.

Okay, fair enough. But I'm the
one holding the knife now, okay?

Anders will suffer for what he did to you.

I promise you that.

But you need to take you shit, leave
here now and never come back.

Otherwise, you'll have me to answer to.

Go!

You missed that on purpose.

You have the next shot.

Look at me. I am a winner.

Now look, seriously,
you can take as much...

No. I'm happy with my $4.

I still don't really understand you

That's probably not a bad thing.

See, I know that there's
something you're not telling me.

There's nothing more I can tell you.

- It's time to go.
- It is.

Unless you want to come back
to my place for a... coffee.

Oh, no. He hesitated.

I should get home.

Home. Well that sounds distinctly cozy.

Oh, don't make this harder than it is.
You know?

Right. Well, Mike, the builder guy,

it has been truly intriguing
meeting you this evening.

Do you think we might
do it again some time?

I should be so lucky.

I think we both know that
is irrelevant in your case.

For if you ever feel it's right.

Good luck.

Oh, but I had yours.

You have no idea how much you
should be thanking me right now.

You need to stop this shit, Anders.

What shit is this?

The shit that leads to

three women turning up in
the middle of the night

wanting to snip your balls.

Oh, yeah, that. Whatever.

No, not whatever! I had a girl pull a
knife on me tonight all because of you.

So what I've decided is that from now
on, there's no more sex for you,

not until you learn how
to treat women right.

What?!

You heard.

Sorry.

You decided that I should stop having sex.

Yes.

Define not having sex.

You'll figure it out.

And this quest we're on,
that's got to change, man,

'cause I don't want to turn into you.

So I'm not going to sleep with anyone

until I'm sure she's the Frigg

and I know that she
wants to sleep with me.

A god's got to do what a god's got to do.

Are you deliberately not
getting my message?!

You may be Bragi, god of pickup lines,

but I'm Odin and I fucking rule you.

So no more sex with
mortals until I say so.

Got it?!

That doesn't sound like very much fun.

Too bad.

Hey.

I called you hours ago.

I know. I missed it.

Jesus, Mike.

I'm sorry, all right?

And about before, I've sorted the money.

No That's not important right now

I'm sorry about Rob

but we were always going
to lose him one day.

Shut up. Come with me.

Good day, mate.

I go to sleep for 15 years
and you marry my fiance.

What's that all about?

Isn't that incredible?

How the hell...

The nurses said that Rob started moving,

like he was stretching.

You know, like you do
when you're waking up?

And they called in the doctors,

who called me,

and I tried calling you.

And then I got here and just
as I walked in the door,

Rob opened his eyes

and he smiled.

A sight for sore eyes
if ever there was one.

Are you at least going to shake my hand?

I'm not contagious.

Welcome back, mate.

I'm a freaking miracle, apparently.

Yeah, you are.

I thought you couldn't get pissed.

Still got the hangover from Hell though.

Is that a god thing?

Is that why the horse
tranquilizer didn't work on you?

The weirdest thing about that drug was

how even though you're totally out of it,

you can't move a muscle,

your brain still sees
everything going on around you.

That was inhuman. Man, that
was not humanly possible.

It was an adrenalin thing.

You know, like when
people can lift up a car

when they need to rescue someone.

Like how you broke Ander's
door open when we got there.

Another thing about that drug
is you also hear everything.

Are you deliberately not
getting my message?!

You may be Bragi, god of pickup lines,

but I'm Odin and I fucking rule you.

Odin. That's pretty heavy duty.

I knew there was a reason
you could get chicks.

If I tell you, you
cannot tell anyone else.

You have my word.

Hold on.

Take your time, bro.

I'll be right here.

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