Original subtitles

Oh, good, I caught you.

Do I smell poi?

I�m making some Hawaiian munchies for our luau tonight.

Tonight?

Sabrina, it�s the Other Realm Independence Weekend.

Hilda and Zelda already left.

I�m not going.

I�m tired of the crowds, the exploding quasars are the same every year, and there�s always a traffic jam at the event horizon.

But I need you to film the fireworks for me.

I�d do it myself if I weren�t cata-nong grata.

Sorry, Salem, but my roommates and I have organised the whole thing.

I mean, we even put a down payment on a pig.

And once you�ve ordered a pig together, there�s no turning back.

Well, if this dumb luau�s so important, how about I stick around and film it for you?

My new mini-cam can do all sorts of effects.

Oh, well, so can I.

Um, do you prefer a dissolve, a swish pan or a smash cut?

You wouldn�t!

How about the classic fade out?

Very funny, you�re a regular Alfred Witchcock.

Oh, shoot!

I hope that�s a raisin.

Aloha, luau central.

Hey, Rox No, I�ve never bought puka shells before.

Fine, I�ll help you shell the puka�s.

Oh, my God!

The, the, the microwave!

What about it?

It was floating!

Really?

I didn�t know it came with that option.

No indication of a power-surge.

The cord looks fine.

How can a microwave float?

More importantly, how can it cook a whole salmon in under ten seconds?

These things are wild!

I�m serious, Sabrina!

We just experienced a supernatural phenomenon for which we have no logical explanation!

Maybe we have a ghost?

A ghost?

Wow!

I�ve always wanted to hunt a ghost.

You know, I hear they�re easy to bag, but hard to strap to the hood.

Finally, my chance to go mano a mano with a supernatural being.

Well if anyone can frighten a ghost, it�s you.

So, how are your coconuts?

Well, firm, yet surprisingly comfortable.

I�m so glad you came.

Oh, Josh!

This is a surprise.

I�m so.

glad you could make it.

Hey, roast a pig and I�m there.

Sabrina, what is my ex-boyfriend doing here?

Um, he�s my friend.

And, besides, you said it was OK.

Oh, I must have been tweezing or waxing at the time.

You know that you can�t talk to me then!

Hi, who are you?

What do you mean by that?

Let me put this another way.

Who invited you?

Stop grilling me!

What are you, the CIA?

Miles, your friend is here!

Garth, you made it!

Argh, Sabrina, this is Garth.

Oh, hey, nice to meet you.

What�s in the bag?

It�s an Ectoplex five thousand energy detector.

Oh, well, can it detect when we're out of dip?

I don�t know, I�ll check.

Argh, that was a joke.

After the flying microwave incident I asked for Garth�s help.

The Ectoplex zeros in on paranormal energy fields and supernatural phenomena.

Well, that dovetails nicely with the whole Hawaiian theme.

It will solve the mystery of what�s going on in this house.

Find out if there are any.

poltergeists, witches, extraterrestrial�s.

Witches?

Yeah, it�s just two clicks up the dial from doppelganger.

There�s definitely something not normal in this house.

Oh, you think?

I gotta' go straighten my poi.

Oh, what a fantastic evening.

There is nothing better for the ego than seeing your ex-boyfriend tripping over his grass skirt.

I can�t believe nobody touched my poi.

Although, my coconuts were a big hit.

I have checked all the bedrooms and the closets, and, Morgan, while you do have an interesting selection of hosiery, I detect no supernatural activity.

You went looking for poltergeists in my underwear drawer?

For your own protection!

Okay, playtimes over.

Put down the toy and start drying.

Oh!

Major paranormal activity in the kitchen.

Oh, come on Miles, that�s just a black Frisbee on a stick!

The thing obviously doesn�t work right.

I mean, look, it�s gone haywire!

Well, that�s because, according to the gauge, it�s closer to the source of the abnormality.

There�s nothing abnormal about Sabrina!

Point it at Roxie.

Maybe Morgan�s the one who�s not normal?

I�m getting nothing from you either.

Oh, trust me, you never will.

This, this is creepy.

OK.

You know, Miles, if you turn it off, I�ll explain everything.

I don�t know how to tell you guys this, but, I�m psychic.

Are you kidding?

Half the time you can�t find you own keys.

This is nothing to do with being psychic.

There is a supernatural presence here and, I�m guessing it needs a human host to survive.

Or, in your case, hostess.

Oh, so, what are you saying?

That, that, that there�s some paranormal parasite leeching off Sabrina?

Exactly.

But, don�t worry, Sabrina, whatever this other worldly thing is, I�m gonna' expose it, annihilate it and blast it out of this house forever.

Oh, that�s so sweet.

Um, you know, don�t go to any trouble on my account.

Salem, I�m in serious trouble.

Miles got his hands on some paranormal energy detector and he keeps pointing it at me.

Relax!

Most of those detectors are a joke.

There�s only one that really works.

The Ectoplex five thousand?

That�s the one.

It keeps going berserk around me!

What am I gonna' do?

I mean, besides get exposed and vaporised?

I knew this day would come.

Sabrina, it�s time for the talk.

Most girls get it from their mother's, I get it from the cat.

Mortals with Ectoplex machines are only interested in one thing.

You need to use protection.

Protection?

An anti-detection force field.

You can get it at the Other Realm drug store, aisle seven, and don�t let the clerk intimidate you.

OK, I�ve got my anti-detection force field.

To remove child-proof cap, line up arrows, squeeze, twist, push down and.

I knew I should have gotten the roll-on.

Here goes.

Tingly.

All right, now it�s time to give that Ectoplex a flex.

OK, if I were a paranoid conspiracy nut hunting a ghost, where would I hide my detector?

Bingo!

Ah, this force field is perfect.

From paranormal to normal in just one easy sprit.

Wa-who!

Hey, it looks like we�ve got a squatter in the ceiling.

Put that thing down!

Who said that?

You�re not scaring me!

All right, maybe just a little.

Boo!

A lot!

Who are you?

And what are you doing in my living room?

Your living room?

I lived in this house for thirty years and I�ve been here for forty.

That would make you.

Dead.

But still a live-wire.

So, you�re a ghost?

Excuse me!

I find that uncomfortable.

Sorry.

You should be.

If you hadn�t used your stupid magic, nobody would have been looking for spirits.

I could still be floating around in my underwear watching a Celtic�s game.

Ewgh!

Oh, look, how was I supposed to know there was a ghost here?

It�s not like the housing ad said three plus two and a half plus ghost.

All I know is, your friends wanna' take somebody down and there�s not enough room here for both of us.

So, mark my words missy, if anyone gets blasted out of here, it�s you.

What ever happened to the concept of the friendly ghost?

Urban legend!

Listen up, and listen good, ghost.

I can�t get blasted out of here, alright.

This is the only good housing left near campus.

Wait a minute, what am I worried about?

I have a force field and room-mates that like me.

Hey, guys.

Oh, you�re here.

We were just leaving.

No, no, no, no, no wait!

You don�t have to go.

Look, everything�s fine.

Whatever was making this machine go off before is gone.

Look, see?

Huh, nothing.

Oh, thank goodness.

Oh, I guess I should call that breeder and cancel the Doberman.

And I can stop sleeping with garlic and a cross.

Here, you got mail.

What are you doing?

Argh.

I�m getting into improv.

I�m gonna' start a one woman show, I�m gonna' call it, um.

insane person opens mail.

Oh, I get the isnae part.

What�s with you, Spellman?

Nothing!

I�m argh, I�m just gonna' put this over here for um.

for safe keeping.

Argh, you know what, I.

I need a soda.

On second thought, you know, water sounds really good today.

I can�t believe I�m gonna' say this, but, Miles is right, there�s something very weird going on with you.

No, no, no it�s not!

But, argh.

who are you gonna' believe?

What, a kook like Miles, or the most level headed person in this house?

Never buy conditioner at a garage sale.

Paranormal extermination.

Here�s one.

Gary�s unwanted energy removal.

Licensed and bonded in both realms� Perfect.

Gary, at your service.

What seams to be the phenomenon?

Got a ghost,Gary and if I don�t get rid of him I�ll be thrown out of this house and lose the best friends I�ve ever had.

Oh, yeah.

Huh-hu.

You�ve definitely got yourself a ghost.

But, don�t worry, you�re in good hands with Gary.

At least, you will be when I come back first thing Monday morning.

Whoa!

What�re you talking about?

I need an exterminator now!

I�d love to help you out, but it�s Other Realm Independence weekend.

Fireworks start in two hours.

Family's waiting for me.

It�s little Gary�s first big bang.

Oh, forget about little Gary.

What about me?

All right, OK, OK.

Argh, here�s what I can do for you.

A kazoo?

How�s this gonna' help me get rid of a ghost?

It won't, but, you know, I�ve always found, that in stressful times, funny music can be very therapeutic.

Hey, he�s right, this is kind of soothing.

Obviously, you�re not a big fan of funny music.

Hey, Sabrina!

Hey guys, what�s that?

Your salvation.

That is the E.X.T.Paranormal Ion Eliminator.

With turbo.

Lock and load.

Whatever�s living inside you is going to be blasted to smithereens.

According to the manual, you may feel a slight pinch.

Oh, well, you know, as, as much as I wanna' be saved, I, I think I can wait until Monday.

It�ll only take a second.

She blew up the Ion Eliminator!

What kind of all powerful, supernatural force are we dealing with?

One that can give us a nice tan.

Sabrina, you�re brighter than the core in a refinery!

But I don�t want you to panic.

That�s my job.

Let�s go.

I think I feel that pinch you were talking about!

That was me.

And now they�re afraid of me and I don�t know what to do.

Are you even listening to me Salem?

You�re talking on the phone to your cat?

Oh, it�s my uncleSalem.

Give my best to Aunt Newport.

What are you wearing?

Anti-contamination gear.

We felt this situation warranted it.

We?

Aren�t they darling?

Oh, yeah, they�re real cute.

Stand back.

These suits are guaranteed against nuclear spills.

Not you.

OK, this is ridiculous.

I�m the same Sabrina that I always was.

Your roommate, your friend.

We pulled all-nighters together.

We just had a luau, remember?

I made the poi, Miles, you peeled papayas, Roxie, you filleted the pig and Morgan.

you supervised.

We�re friends with Sabrina, not the evil spirit that dwells within her.

So, what�s the deal?

Are you some kind of goblin thingy, or an alien life-form trying to colonise earth?

Is that why you lent me your red sweater?

To collect my human DNA?

I never lent you my red sweater.

I withdraw the question.

Look, what are you guys gonna do?

Wear those suits whenever you�re around me?

This is only a stopgap measure.

Until you�re cage arrives.

What cage?

The one that will hold you until your bubble has been built.

I�m not living in a bubble!

Yet.

But, in the mean time, I�ve contacted a prominent paranormal researcher who�s interested in meeting you and perhaps dissecting you.

I�m not a frog.

Can you prove that?

Okay, you know what?

You guys don�t have to worry about being contaminated anymore.

I think it would be better for all of us if I just moved back in with my Aunts.

We still get to keep the outfits, right?

Hey, Sabrina, that luau rocked!

I�ll tell you, there�s nothing better for the ego than seeing your ex-girlfriend jealous about how great you look in a grass skirt.

That�s nice, Josh.

What�s wrong?

You don�t seem like yourself today.

Oh, you�re not the first person to say that.

Oh, yeah?

Anything you wanna' talk about?

It wouldn�t do any good.

There�s somebody living in my house that says it�s not big enough for both of us.

Oh, I hear you.

Morgan can be really selfish.

It�s not Morgan, and who it is doesn�t matter.

The point is, if I don�t figure out a way to deal with this, I may never live in that house again.

Well, Roxie is a tough nut to crack.

Why don�t you just sit her down and have a heart to heart?

It�s not Roxie and I have a feeling that the person I have a problem with really isn�t into heart to hearts.

I think if the two of you could just discuss your feelings, I�m sure you could come to an understanding with Miles.

Would you stop guessing?

I have to stop, I just ran out of roommates.

This person is impossible.

I, I tried to work it out, but there�s so much hostility I�m dealing with.

I�m not a psychologist, but anyone that angry probably has unresolved issues.

Huh.

Unresolved issues, there�s a thought.

Thanks Josh.

Hey, just tell me one more thing.

Is this new roommate male or female?

Argh, well, he used to be male.

He�s got a lot of unresolved issues.

OK, Mr.Ghost, we need to talk.

I�m indisposed.

And the name is Marv!

Well, when you�ve finished up, I�d like to have a word with you.

What do you want?

Marv, argh, you know, I don�t mean to sound critical, but you seem to have a lot of pent-up frustration, and I�m just wondering what happened to make you so hostile?

Well if you must know , I lost my wife.

I�m sorry.

She died?

No, I died, stupid!

Keep up.

So, she�s still alive.

Yes.

That�s why I keep hanging around here, hoping that Betty will get nostalgic for our life together and come back.

So, that�s all you want, to see your wife again?

Oh, yes.

And to give her the present I made for her.

It�s been collecting dust up in the attic for ten years.

Let me ask you something.

What if, I found Betty, brought her here, and gave her your gift?

I�d be eternally grateful.

Grateful enough to leave this place forever?

Yes.

The paranoid kid with the ukulele is driving me crazy.

I�ll bet this house brings back memories for you.

What a dump.

Well, we find it quaint.

I mean, sure, the mouldings crooked, the windows stick and, you know, there�s a few leaky fixtures.

That�s Marv for you.

Thought he could fix everything himself.

He was all thumbs.

Oh, well, what gifted thumbs they were, and look what he built with those little, chubby things.

I found this in the attic, and I think it belongs to you.

Looks like Marv�s handy work.

Painstakingly crafted with popsicle sticks and gum.

Well, you know, it�s not easy to make a jewellery box with no right-angles.

Plus, it�s the thought that counts.

What in the world?

Twenty thousand shares of the Microsoft Corporation.

Are they the baby-powder people?

They�re the people who�ve just made you rich!

I can�t believe it.

Marv never picked a winner the whole time we were married.

He picked you.

Oh, thanks, doll, but don�t think you�re getting your hands on any of my money.

Right, well, it�s nice meeting you too, Betty.

Now I know why he loved you so much.

Oh, thank you Sabrina.

I can�t tell you how good it was to see her again.

Isn�t she an angel?

OK.

Oh, well, a deal�s a deal.

I guess I�ll be moving on.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Wait a minute.

I need you to help me fix things with my roommates.

I mean, they think I�m some sort of supernatural freak!

Right, I have an idea.

What if they all have supernatural powers?

Then we could write a comic book about them.

Oh, the living.

You guys kill me.

All right, everybody�s home.

Are you ready to wreak some havoc?

My speciality.

I miss Sabrina, but it is nice to have the house back to normal.

Anyone wanna' split a pig salad sandwich?

I take back what I said about normal.

Roxie, don�t move!

I�m the only one in the kitchen, right?

Yeah, yeah, except for the spirit possessing you!

Hey!

I was gonna win that game!

It looks like you�re possessed too!

All you women are freaks of nature!

I knew it.

And I like it!

Oh, this is not good.

I have a very sensitive inner-ear!

Well, it looks like my work here is done.

It�s been a pleasure haunting you.

Thanks, Marv.

You know, just out of curiosity, where are you off to?

I have to see a man about a bright light.

right after I make a pit-stop.

Hey, guys, what�s going on?

We�re clearing out of here.

Grab all you can carry.

It turns out it wasn�t just you.

The whole house is possessed.

And unlike scantily clad teenagers in slasher movies, we know when to leave!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

My Aunt Zelda explained why all these strange things have been happening.

She says it�s due to massive solar flares, argh, miss-alignment of the planets and, argh, some inflamed asteroids.

So, you�re saying it�s a rare convergence of celestial events that has disrupted electro magnetic fields?

Exactly!

And it�s not going to happen again for like another kagillien years.

So, it�s gonna be over soon, and we don�t have to leave here?

That�s right.

Oh, thank goodness.

I was dreading the thought of packing up all my skin-care products.

I might as well give this back to Garth.

I�ve gotta� say, I�m a little disappointed, I was really hoping to finally encounter a supernatural entity.

I�m beginning to think it�s never gonna happen.

Oh, don�t despair, Miles.

You know, I�d be willing to bet you�re a little closer than you think.

Hey, I�m Gary, and I�m here to flush out your ghost.

Unfortunately we never had a ghost.

Wow, that�s a great rig you got there Gary, where did you get it?

The Other Realm.

The Other Realm?

Hey, that�s code for a covert CIA operation in Central America, isn�t it?

Oh, jeez!

You�re, argh.

you�re not from the Other Realm, are you?

No, but I'm willing to sign up.

Don�t call us, we�ll call you!

What do you know?

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