Original subtitles

Sabrina, is it my imagination

or do you eat more with us now

than when you lived here?

Oh well, I couldn't stay away

and nobody makes goulash like Aunt Zelda.

The trick is to marinate the ghoul.

( dings ) Oh, who would be so rude

as to send us mail at dinnertime?

It's from cousin Marigold.

( gasps )

She wants to send her daughter Amanda

to live with us for a year.

The same Amanda who set our house on fire?

And locked me in a jar?

I'm so out of here.

Wait, Sabrina.

Oh, poor Amanda's worse than ever.

Can a person be worse than pure evil?

This is so sad.

Her mother just got married for the 19th time

and Amanda's not taking it well.

That makes two of us.

I'm still trying to bag husband number one.

Marigold thinks if Amanda goes to school in the mortal realm

and lives here with us

we might be able to straighten her out.

Zelda, this is a huge commitment.

We're going to have to think long and hard

before we agree to anything.

No, she can't come.

When's Amanda supposed to be here?

( loud rumbling and thunderclap )

Please let that be an earthquake.

Hi, everybody.

Thank you so, so much for taking me in.

Ooh, what died in here?

That would be our dinner.

I'll order in.

I guess since you're at college

I'll be taking over your room.

I think it's going to be really cool

once I change everything about it.

Well, that just killed my appetite.

I think it killed everybody's.

( noisy eating )

Well, not everybody's.

( belches and grunts )

Sync by Alice www.addic7ed.com

Life's changing around me, and I'm gonna make it mine

I'm reaching out and living by my rules...

Time's moving way too fast

I wanna make it last...

'Cause I'm out on my own now

And I like the way it feels.

All right, well, that was fun.

See you in a year.

Honey, we're sorry Amanda's taking over your room

but we can't turn our backs on family.

Oh, I wouldn't turn my back on Amanda ever.

We'll make sure she doesn't disturb any of your things.

( banging and crashing )

Thanks for taking care of that.

Salem's right. The girl's pure evil.

Ooh... can I borrow this purse?

Yeah, keep it all.

I'll be sure to write.

Zelda, what are we going to do?

We can't send that little monster

to a mortal high school.

Well, maybe we could home school her.

Over my dead body.

( gasps )

Oh, look. A video.

From Marigold.

How thoughtful.

It's probably 20 years overdue, and she wants us to return it.

Oh, look, there's a note.

"I just met someone on my honeymoon who gave me this.

Try it if you're desperate and frustrated."

That's when I usually rent a video.

MAN: Typical suburban teenagers

living in a typical suburban home.

Not.

Welcome to Witchright Hall

where rebellious and magically challenged young witches

learn to function in the mortal realm.

Hot diggety, our troubles are over.

Where children live and go to school under the same roof

learning to control their magical impulses

and use their powers appropriately.

I've seen enough. I'll get the checkbook.

- You throw Amanda in the car. - Wait one minute.

To the neighborhood

we're simply a loving couple who...

adopt delinquent youths.

Oh, my God.

That's James Hexton.

The James Hexton?

Who's James Hexton?

The man whose heart I shattered

into a million pieces back in 1469.

Oh, he said he'd never forgive me.

Now I remember.

He waded through a moat of alligators just to see you

and you slammed the door in his face.

I see his leg grew back.

This is a disaster.

If you take Amanda to the school for an interview

she'll never get in.

He's right.

Someone else will have to take her.

I can't get anybody into school.

Daddy had to donate a fleet of Volkswagens

to get me into clown college.

No, no, no, no, no.

On second thought... no.

I'll buy you a Porsche.

Keep talking.

Hilda... You

can't bribe Sabrina into doing the right thing for her family.

Stay out of this.

Give me ten more seconds

I'll have her palms so greased she'll need a drip pan.

Listen to me, Sabrina.

Witchright Hall is Amanda's last chance.

If she doesn't get accepted there

she'll be banished to the mortal realm forever

causing destruction wherever she goes.

Unbelievable.

I am this close to getting a 911 Turbo

and you play the apocalypse card.

I am good.

SABRINA: Come on, Amanda, turn that frown upside down. You're going to love it here.

MAN: What do you want? Why do I care? ( doorbell rings )

Uh, we have an appointment with the headmaster.

Amanda Wickam and her cousin Sabrina.

We're a little early...

Because everybody hates me

and they can't wait to get rid of me.

MAN: Well, you sound like a real peach.

Door's open.

Oh, look at this sweet-looking dog.

Here, boy.

First off, I'm old enough to be your grandfather.

Secondly

the name is Phil.

Oh, a dog named Phil.

Any relation to a boy named Sue?

Hands off, toots.

I'm not one of your touchy-feely types.

I happen to be the head of the phys ed department.

Now, both of you drop and give me 20.

No way. I don't go to school here.

Yet.

Okay, let's get

a move on, you lard bottoms.

GIRL: Coming, Coach Phil.

Pathetic bunch.

I know Yorkies who run faster than you.

Well, we know one thing:

the phys ed department is solid.

Yeah, I wonder what kind of slobbering animal teaches history?

That would be me.

James Hexton, headmaster.

In a few weeks

I should have the slobbering under control.

She didn't mean that.

This is Amanda and I'm her cousin Sabrina.

Delighted.

Oh, um, would you excuse me a minute?

A mob of angry women is about to show up at the door.

This is a decent...!

Make that mob of angry men.

I'm so hit and miss today.

MAN: Hexton

that hormone-crazed son of yours

is ruining our daughters' lives.

Oh, Lord, and it's only just 4:00.

All right, back in a jiff.

Well, I for one am loving this place.

Great. Then you stay here and I'll move in with your roommates at college.

Nicely done.

Oh, I've often practiced that technique myself

but I keep coming up against the same obstacle.

Irritable spell syndrome?

I'm mortal.

The only magic I can do involves mascara and...

Lady Clairol.

Robin Davis, school director.

I'm guessing that feisty little frozen thing is Amanda.

Uh-huh. I'm her room temperature cousin, Sabrina.

We have an appointment with Professor Hexton.

Oh, you are in for a treat.

The man is a true innovator.

This morning he took his world history class

back in time to meet Gandhi.

Really?

Yeah, they learned about passive resistance

and then treated the Mahatma to an everything bagel.

Oh, well right now he's on the porch

practicing passive resistance on some irate neighbors.

Bet that's going well.

Be right back.

This is a decent place live.

Afternoon, gentlemen.

What seems to be the problem today?

Our daughters are so busy mooning over your boy, Sean

they can't eat, sleep or do their homework.

You gotta love me.

Well, I don't think they gotta.

It just plain weird. It's like he's got all the girls

in the neighborhood hypnotized.

Hypnotized?

Let me assure you My husband and I

will do everything in our power

to squelch whatever magic Sean wields over your daughters.

You know, this town thinks

you and your husband are doing a fine thing

taking in these screwed-up kids

but if you can't control them, be advised:

we've got a really testy Kiwanis Club.

Oh, well, let that be a warning to us.

You put some kind of romantic spell

on those girls, didn't you?

It seemed to work nicely

with the dork spell I put on their boyfriends.

Sean, you can't play around with people's feelings.

Oh, unlike you two, who can play around

with the most sacred institution in the mortal realm?

Indian bingo?

You pretend you're married.

For your protection--

to keep away suspicious neighbors.

Working like a charm so far.

Don't you mouth off to us.

I'm sending you up to your room

and taking away your magic.

Now, give me the finger.

With pleasure.

You know what I mean.

Very impressive.

Oh, it's been a busy week.

Got fingers coming out of my...

Don't ask.

Okay, Sabrina.

What do you say we defrost your cousin

and get this interview rolling?

Oh, my God, I did it.

No, it was me.

It's always you.

Nice meeting you.

Catch up with you later.

If you'd care to come this way.

Oh, well, when in Rome...

Well, first off, let's make ourselves comfortable.

Oh, well...

we're already comfortable.

We felt at home the minute we walked

in the door, right, Amanda?

This place bites.

It can.

I wouldn't pet the phys ed teacher.

All right, let's review your file.

Wickam file, Wickam file.

I know I put it somewhere.

Excuse me.

Ah, yes.

Uh, Wickam

I believe...

Yes, here we are.

Let's see.

You've been expelled from 12 different schools.

You forced 14 teachers into early retirement...

one into a straitjacket.

On the other hand, you were the top seller

in the Other Realm High magazine drive.

That's what I love about Amanda-- she's a real go-getter.

It says here you never turned in the money.

That's because I spent it on a mountain bike.

No, wait. I stole the bike.

I spent the money on a Kate Spade bag.

So Amanda has a problem with dishonesty and greed

but that's just because of her troubled background.

I think if you get to know Amanda

you will see that she is a good spirit with a kind heart.

Oh! Ow!

See how quickly she warmed up to you?

I'm so sorry-- I'm sure if I just make

a few phone calls, I can get all of Amanda's records.

Not necessary.

I know the type of student I'm dealing with.

Oh, please, Professor

there's a lot more to Amanda than meets the eye.

I-I mean, she's very serious about school.

I'll have a banana split

two scoops of vanilla, with chocolate sprinkles.

Oh, and, uh... get a little something for yourself.

I don't think so.

Well, so much for the interview.

Now, when can you come back for the tour?

Hmm.

Never?

Or now, or sooner, you know.

Whatever works for you.

How about after my faculty meeting?

Oh, Amanda's flexible.

What a kid!

All right, let's begin

today's meeting with old business.

Any old business?

Yes, we need equipment for the gym.

We don't have a gym.

We need a gym.

I'll look into it.

Any new business?

I think we should talk about Sean.

He's been wreaking havoc around here for months

and, frankly, I don't know if we can turn him around.

Let me handle it.

There's a pack of Rottweilers

downtown who owe me.

You want to have a student

attacked by a pack of wild dogs?

You make it sound so dirty.

Maybe that's because my approach to education

doesn't usually involve drawing blood.

James, he's been bringing the entire neighborhood

to our door and jeopardizing

the security of the school.

We may have to consider expulsion.

I cannot believe what I am hearing.

Are you telling me you want

to just give up on a troubled youth

and turn him out on the street?

I'm with the broad.

Dump the chump.

Tough love, baby.

Yeah, well, forgive me

if I don't take the advice of someone

who scratches himself at the dining room table.

I'm not giving up on Sean.

If the witches had given up on me

when I was at correctional school, where would I be today?

Congress?

Do we have any beer nuts?

All right, that's it.

Meeting adjourned.

Robin, why don't you show Sabrina and Amanda

around the school.

Then later, I'll have Amanda sit in on my Ethics class.

How can I be of service?

You can clean up the mess you left in the backyard.

Deal.

But I want a new dental plan.

Hi.

You must be Amanda.

Are you a new student here?

I hope not.

You're negative.

I used to be negative.

Now, I just want to make a good impression

and have people like me

for the positive, uplifting person that I am.

Good luck with that.

Thanks.

( clock chimes )

Time for class.

Are you sitting in?

Wouldn't miss it.

Great, you can sit right next to me.

The seat is always empty.

What a shock.

Hey, everybody.

Let's give a warm welcome to our guest, Amanda.

I love that outfit.

It's yours.

That's the best you guys can do?

And you call yourselves delinquents?

Ah, I do all right.

The other day, I zapped

a third cheek onto Professor Hexton's butt.

You're still doing butt jokes?

That's so second grade.

So, what do you do for fun?

You're looking at the witch

who put the hole in the ozone layer.

Wow, I didn't know girls could do stuff like that.

Well, you don't know this girl.

Okay, so here's the plan for today's class.

You--

the minute Hexton starts to talk

release the killer bees.

( bees buzzing )

You--

when the mood strikes

unleash tornado in a drum.

And stay low.

( wind howls )

And you, Smiley

take your pick: salmonella

or mad cow disease.

I like them both.

Aren't we going to get in trouble?

Hello, we're witches.

You people have so much to learn.

( hissing )

And I'll be the one teaching them

thank you very much.

Now, please take your seats and I'll take those jars.

Well, Miss Wickam...

( clears throat )

You certainly are quite bold for a guest.

I'm just getting warmed up.

Listen to me, dearie.

I've been a witch since the Spanish Inquisition

and if Torquemada didn't scare me, you certainly don't.

All right, now, where did we leave off yesterday?

I was telling Sean how I used my magic

to hack into the computers at the Pentagon

and you were babbling on about something.

Ethics.

Doesn't ring a bell.

Ah, yes, now I remember.

I was about to pose a problem.

Suppose... suppose you meet a mortal

with whom you're interested in having a relationship.

How would you go about that?

Sam.

Well, I'd use a mind-reading spell

to amass data from her brain

and then photographically memorize her interests.

News flash, dude.

You're photographing the wrong stuff.

Yes, just the person you want to listen to.

The only way he can get a girl to like him

is to put a spell on her.

Now, can anyone tell me

what's wrong with what Sean did?

He got caught.

Hmm... oh, yes, he did

and now his magic finger lives in this jar...

with a toe.

Can't explain.

All right, now, listen up, people.

Here's the deal.

You can't find a relationship

in a potion bottle.

Oh, sure, you can manipulate people

but real friendship, true love--

they need more than magic to survive.

They need human emotion.

What makes you such an expert?

Well, I wouldn't exactly call myself an expert

but I do have some good friends

and I did know true love... once.

Hmm.

It was the summer of '69...

1469, and Botticelli was having

one of his backyard barbecues.

Suddenly, I looked up and saw a vision

due west of a suckling pig.

She was beautiful.

Hmm... she was brilliant

and for a brief moment in time, she was mine.

What happened?

Ah, she left me for that studmuffin, Gutenberg.

Ah, big deal.

So the guy printed a bible.

It's not like he wrote the blasted thing.

Sorry.

Well, maybe if you'd used magic

you would have stayed together.

Ah, but it wouldn't have been the same, would it?

Because I'd already experienced real magic--

that all-consuming passion that comes from within.

That's the most romantic story I've ever heard

but if anybody ever dumps me for a bible maker

they're toast.

( energy ricocheting )

So, are you saying a guy like me

can get a girl without using any magic?

I did.

But she, like, totally broke your heart.

Hmm.

Letting me know I had one.

Now, why don't you see if you can find yours.

All right, people, I'm going to let you

ponder these matters for a while

while I take these jars to the landfill.

Carry on.

Okay, Amanda, what else you got in that magic bag?

Everything from cold sores to cold wars.

Cool.

Let me be the first to say

you'd be a real asset to this school.

And... you can help me with the yearbook.

We still have a number of applications to review

before we fill the space, but we'll call you

as soon as we make our decision.

Okay, well, we'll be waiting by the phone

or the toaster, you know, whichever's quicker.

All right, let me have it-- you hate this place, right?

I don't know, it beats living

with stepfather number 19.

Amanda, that is the most positive thing you've ever said.

You must really like it here.

Well, it's the first place I ever felt I belonged.

If you get accepted here, you don't have to be

shuttled back and forth from realm to realm.

I mean, you could really find some stability here

and turn your life around.

Yeah, it all sounds good

but I learned a long time ago

not to get my hopes up.

I'll put in a good word for you

but it may not carry much weight--

I'm an umbrella.

( laughs )

What's taking so long?

Why haven't they called yet?

When they do, can I answer the phone?

I want to hear James's voice one more time.

Amanda really liked the place.

I sure hope she gets in.

That makes four of us.

Five of us.

( phone rings )

Hello.

Hi, hi, Professor Hexton.

So?

No?

Oh! Oh, say it ain't so!

But she was so...

I see... but Amanda really liked...

Okay... thanks, anyway.

I don't believe this.

You? We're the ones who are going

to be stuck living with her.

Did they give you any explanation

as to why they didn't accept Amanda?

No, but they're going to.

Is it okay if I go to Compumart

to look at hard drives?

Well, after you clear your place.

The right way, please.

( silverware clinks )

I caught the end of your lecture today.

It was very moving.

Oh, thanks.

Do you think it had any effect on the kids?

Well, I know it made me look at things a bit differently.

Do you think that you could ever love that way again?

Well, I suppose it's... possible.

I can't believe you rejected my cousin, Amanda.

If she's not right for this nuthouse, who is?

Hillary Kursburg.

Thanks to her

the Cubs haven't won a World Series since 1908.

We take only

the most extreme cases.

At the end of the day

we felt that Amanda just wasn't as troubled a soul.

She's a nightmare!

She's a spoiled, selfish little brat

who's been nothing but trouble

since the day she was born.

We thought she was rather nice.

Actually, that's the main reason we rejected her.

Well, you saw the well-behaved Amanda.

Want to see the real Amanda?

Watch what happens when she finds out she didn't get accepted.

She's going to go ballistic.

Anything?

Did the school call?

Yes, sweetheart.

Well, did I get in?

SALEM: In your dreams, sweetheart.

Nasty cat.

Oh, you think he's bad. Keep watching

Ten to one says she blows up the house.

( Amanda whimpers )

She's crying!

Tears of rage, I assure you.

I really liked it there.

I mean, it's the first place that ever felt like home.

Amazing!

Amanda's the first student ever to cry

because she didn't get accepted.

Normally, they cry because they do.

She can change, I promise!

No, that won't be necessary.

Any witch who's that desperate to be here

deserves a place.

You mean, you'll accept her?

What about the Kursburg girl?

Oh, she's small. We can squeeze her in.

How soon can you have Amanda here?

Oh, sooner than you can imagine.

Just so we're clear

I'm not sharing a room with anybody.

( doorbell rings )

I'll get it.

Well, hello.

Hi, my name's Tiffany.

I'm selling raffle tickets for my church.

They're only a dollar. Are you interested?

I'm interested.

I'll take five tickets.

I guess we'll see if he learned anything in class.

I don't see why

a guy who looks like that even needs magic.

Thank you very much.

No, thank you.

If you want a kiss, I need dinner and a movie.

Where's the girl?

In your sick little mind.

Now give me 50 laps

and take a cold shower.

And... I'm keeping the five smackeroos.

Man...

Well, I can't say I like your tactics very much

but you made your point.

However, I refuse to give up on Sean.

Hexton, you're softer than a chewed-up slipper.

Which reminds me, my gums are killing me.

How about that dental plan?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0