All language subtitles for Modern Family.S10E11.1080p.WEB.H264-METCON - mx

Hey, you guys.

I packed up some dishes
for the new house.

I even found
your old sippy cup

for when the little one
comes along.

- Aww.
- Thanks, Mr. D.

Thanks, Dad.

Is, uh, Mom still in there
making that judgy face?

Haley, you've known her
for 25 years.

Just call it her face.

Haley's pregnancy is off
to a rough start.

Nausea, moodiness,
trouble sleeping...

Claire's got it all.

Me, I'm just trying
to keep the peace

here in Hormone Town.

Oh, can you believe it,
Claire?

Our little girl is
growing up.

Yeah, it seems like
just yesterday

we were carrying
all these boxes downstairs

after she got arrested
and kicked out of college.

Ah.

Yeah, I've been
through a lot, too.

I've been a limo driver,
a lead singer,

a ranch hand,
a Dapper Dan at Disneyland,

a t-shirt designer,
a sign spinner

and now a nursing student
with a baby on the way.

It's all going
according to plan.

Oh.So, we're gonna
take some stuff over.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Let's get a, uh...

Let's get
a mother/daughter picture.

- Oh...
- Oh, honey, I don't...

we... we really
don't have to.

No, no, no.
It'll be cute.

Uh, Dad, you're being weird.
No one wants this.

Hang on here.

Nope, that's my finger.

So many fun filters.

- Just take the picture!
- Just take the picture!

--Captions by VITAC--

Captioning Provided by
20th Century Fox Tlevision and ABC, Inc.

and brought to you by Ford.
Going further, so you can.

*MODERN FAMILY*
Season 10 Episode 11

Episode Title: "A Moving Day"
Sync corrections by srjanapala

Claire, look at the positive.

One of our kids
is finally moving out.

After her pregnancy test,
I've had enough positives.

Kind of reminds me of two other
unmarried, pregnant,

lovestruck kids who moved in
together about...

25 years ago.

It's not the same.

I don't know.
Acid-wash their jeans

and put a dream catcher
in Dylan's ear,

and it's exactly the same.

Honey, I had a dream
last night

that they left the baby
in an Uber,

and I had to
shrink myself down

to commandeer a hummingbird
to find it.

I'm just glad it wasn't another
Jake Tapper sex dream.

I'm mad. I'm scared they're
in over their heads...

Claire, it's happening.
They're having the baby.

The train's left the station.
Get on board.

Fine.

You're right.

You're right. I'll...
I'll try to be positive.

Good. I was gonna go pick up
a house-warming gift for them.

- Why don't you come with me?
- Oh, okay, let's do that.

Wait a second.
How do you board a train

that's already
left the station?

I don't know.
Maybe you could catch up to them

on a hummingbird
with Jake Tapper.

Well, you're off the hook.

I'm flying to Branson solo,

and I guess I'll be sitting
next to a stranger

at The Osmond Brothers:
A Tribute to Hip Hop.

Well, I'll catch them
when they come to Compton,

but thank you.

Well, it's the least
I could do

after what you did
for my sister, Pam.

My sister, Pam, is coming
to pick up Cal to...

to take him back
to Missouri.

She was supposed to be in prison
another three months,

but my wonderful husband,

Assistant D.A. Pritchett,
wrote a letter

advocating for
her early release.

It was nothing.

It actually was nothing.

I never wrote any letter.

It just...
It didn't feel right.

Pam showed no remorse,
and her sentence was fair.

And... And then
for some reason,

they decided to
let her out early anyway.

Fortunately, uh,
parole records are sealed,

so Pam and Cam
will never know,

and I don't have to
go to Branson

and hear the Osmonds ask
if they can get a "what-what."

That's her!

Cal, that's your mom!

She's back from her,
um... trip?

Up the river.

Pam!
There she is!

Hey, y'all! Oh, it's so good

- to see you!
- Hi! - Hi.

Momma!

There's my little
chicken nugget!

Ooh, my goodness!

I missed you so much.
How have you been?

They read to me
every night.

Aw, don't worry, baby.

That's all over now.

Oh, almost forgot!

Look what Momma
made you.

I'm gonna put it
on my bike!

Oh, he's gonna put it
on his bike!

Oh, Pam, it is so great
that you're out.

It must've been
so lonely in there.

Well, there was some
companionship.

Good.

- I dabbled in lesbianism.
- Oh.

Didn't hate it.

But there was just too much
talking afterwards.

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna
get you some iced tea.

- Yeah.
- Again,

I'm... I'm so sorry
that you can't stay upstairs.

We have this new renter
coming in,

- and...
- Cram it.

I know you didn't
send that letter.

What? H-How?

That don't matter.

All that matters
is you're gonna pay.

- Oh...
- In prison, they called me BOTOX,

because even though
all the ladies want me,

I will wreck your face.

Sherry, I-I don't know
if I like these.

They're so short.

No, that's the style,
boo.

I just don't know if I have
the ankles for this.

Yeah, those pants are no good
for Latin people.

They make you look like you're
trying to run across a river.

Well, I think
you look great.

You should only wear pants
like that from now on.

Okay.

Manny, we should start
sending invitations

for your birthday party.

Oh, but I thought
we were gonna go to

the Ojai Mime and Wine Festival
for your birthday?

Oh, yeah, maybe we shouldn't
do the party, Mom.

This is crazy.

Manny's terrified of mimes.

And he hates
Central Valley wine.

Hey, great news.

My Sausage of the Month
arrived a day early.

You get to be here
for the un-boxing.

I'm not gonna film it
this time.

Kielbasa, yes!

They took
my suggestion again.

I told you
it's not a suggestion.

The web page is just
asking you to choose one.

Anyways, we have a problem.

Sherry is bossing
Manny around.

Oof, that's a lot
to take in.

Can you cook these up with
that special sauce you do?

You have to go
and tell him

- that he needs to stand up for himself.
- Why me?

I-I don't think we should get
involved at all, but, I mean,

if it's a problem for you,
then you do it,

'cause I don't care.

I can't.

If I say something bad
about Manny's girlfriend,

he's not gonna listen,
because I am the mother

who thinks that nobody's
good enough for her little boy.

- Just let it go.
- I can't

because she's not good
enough for my little boy.

I'm gonna take a pass.

Then I'm gonna take a pass
making your sausages

with my grandmother's
spicy onion sauce.

Fine, I'll do it.

But all these demands don't
sound very second wife-y.

Hey, kid.

I need to talk to you
about you and your girlfriend.

It's a sensitive subject.

If this is about the sounds
coming from my room last night,

it wasn't what you think.

We were rearranging
the furniture, and then

we were congratulating each
other on how it turned out.

Sadly, I believe you.

I thought you liked your
furniture exactly like it was?

We fired two cleaning women
over this.

I thought I did, too,
but it turns out I didn't.

Actually, that's what I don't
want to talk to you about.

Is it possible Sherry
pushes you around?

- What are you saying?
- I don't know.

Be the man, you know.

Show some backbone.

That is such
a you thing to say.

- It really isn't.
- It's such an old way

of looking at relationships.

Gender roles
don't matter anymore.

Is that why
you're wearing her pants?

Let me tell you
something, Jay.

Just like long pants,

toxic machismo
has gone out of style.

Yeah.

Yeah, masculinity's bad

till someone has to
kill a spider.

Ta-da!

Welcome to
14 7/8 Fletcher Ave.

Wow. This is cozy, huh?

Well,
it's a converted garage,

so I know it's
a little bit small.

Oh, honey, it's only small
for a place to live.

Hey, we got you guys
a housewarming gift.

It's a decorative pineapple

because, uh, pineapples
are a symbol of good luck.

Thanks, Mr. D.

That's way better
than our giant cherry.

That's just a symbol
of a clean toilet.

- Thanks, Dad.
- You've very welcome.

It's actually
from both of us, right, honey?

Right.
Right, because I thought

you would want
a lot of luck.

Mom, look. I know what
you're thinking...

but we're saving
a ton of money.

Utilities are included,

we don't need
a lot of furniture,

and it'll be easy
to keep track of the baby!

And they can, uh...
they can walk to the airport.

Which brings us back
to the living room.

Wow. We got the whole tour
without even moving.

PhTiny-homes are
very trendy these days.

And, by the way,
it's what I called

my short, black best friend
in high school.

So, where... where are
you thinking of

- putting the baby's crib?
- Well,

we were thinking about putting it
right there under the skylight.

That way, the baby can look up
and reach for the stars.

Ohh, I love that.

And look how clean
that glass is.

A little too clean.

It's...
It's not a skylight.

There's a hole
in your roof.

Cool, I always wanted to learn
how to install a skylight.

I guess today's the day.

Have you also always wanted
to move an electrical outlet

that's currently
in the shower?

- Well, that can't be code.
- It's not.

I'm telling you exactly
what's going on.

Oh, excuse me.

Haley, honey.

You can't
raise a baby in here.

What happens if...
if the baby's crying

- and you need to sleep?
- Thought of it.

We're gonna put up a sheet
to make it like a little room.

Oh, smart.

Tell me how this works.

Wahh, wahh, wahh.
Could you hear me?

I know it's not perfect,
but we've got this.

We're a lot more grown up
than you think.

Haley, can I talk to you
for a second in the kitchen?

Yeah.

Uh, that was the doctor.

We're supposed to
be there right now.

Oh, my God. The ultrasound...
I totally spaced!

We can't let my mom
find out.

Um, let's just make up
something

responsible
and get out of here.

- Okay.
- Okay.

So, we need to go
and get toothbrushes.

You should've
put up a sheet.

We heard everything.

You missed your first
ultrasound appointment?

Well, we will
if you keep lecturing me.

- Who's the doctor?
- We found her on Yelp.

- She has, like, four stars.
- Mm-hmm.

So does the sushi place
that gave Luke worms.

I'm coming with you.

I think I'm just gonna
hang back

and commence
Operation Skylight.

I parked in back.
Let's go this way.

- Oh!
- Oh, God!

That is lucky!
We just bought a broom.

Hey, there's my favorite
sister-in-law.

I, uh...
I got you a Popsicle,

and the stick
has a joke on it.

Um, "How do you fix
a broken gorilla?"

Mm, well, I guess we're gonna
find out soon.

Sticks are good
for more than joking.

In prison,
I learned how to fashion

all manner of sticks
into knives.

You know, I love that you had
time for crafts in there.

I also learned if you don't do
what you say you're gonna,

you get hurt.

Um, I'm gonna go,
uh, check on Cal.

No, no, no, I'll do it.
I want to soak up

as much time with him
as I can

before you
take him home.

Cal.

Cal, what is...
Put that down!

Where did he get
a cheeseburger?

I don't know.

Hey, look. I'm...
I-I'm sorry about the letter,

but it all worked out.

You still got out early.

Only because I volunteered
to help train police dogs.

It was horrible.

I'm stealing a TV!

I'm stealing a TV!

Get off of me!

I feel it!

What do you want from me?

- Miles.
- Uh, what?

I know all you fancy people
have rewards cards.

Being all cooped up
has given me the travel bug.

But I've been
saving those.

I bought groceries
at a gas station for six months

to get triple points.

For... For Lily's
birthday breakfast,

we gave her something
called Pop Zarts.

I want them in my account

by the end of the day
or I tell Cameron.

But I almost have enough for
two off-peak flights to Paris.

Ha, "monkey wrench."

Yeah, that's
putting it mildly.

No, that's how you fix
a broken gorilla, you dummy.

Oh.

Oh, there you are.
How did it go?

Not well.

He got all mad,
called me old-fashioned.

Me... the guy
who bought Alex a book

on successful
business ladies.

Sorry, I didn't
understand that.

Please try again.

Why does that coffee grinder
keep talking to me?

Well, you kept
your end of the bargain,

so I'm gonna
make the sausages,

and we'll talk about
the second step later.

There's no second steps.
I did it.

That's the last
I want to hear about it.

Thanks a lot, Jay.

I should've ignored you,
but you got in my head.

About what? This is
first time I hear of this.

I started thinking maybe
she does boss me around

a little bit, so I confronted
her, things got heated,

and now she called a car
and she's leaving.

The best relationship
I've ever had,

and I think
it might be ending.

Last time
I listen to you, Jay.

Don't worry, papi.
Those things have a way

- of working themselves out.
- Eh, what're ya gonna do?

- Yeah, that's a good question.
- What are you going to do?

I'm calling it.

I'm done.

Calling Brian Dunn.

No. No, no.

I owe him money.

Jay, you need
to talk to Sherry

and tell her
that it was your idea.

I've kept up my part
of the bargain.

Now, don't go all Colombian

and tell me if I don't
talk to Sherry

you're not making
those sausages,

'cause I already took
a second statin.

Sorry, for once,
you're not getting your way.

Hey, Sher, got a sec?

Uh, tough to say.
Bartev is two minutes away,

but his car
is spinning, so...

I know you're upset
with Manny.

That's on me.

I put some ideas
in his head.

You know, I'm kind of
a hero to him.

I didn't mean
to cause any trouble.

You know,
I'm crazy about the kid,

and I just want to make sure
he's in a healthy relationship.

Gloria put you up to this,
didn't she?

It's complicated.

You do see the irony
of this, right?

She's so worried about Manny
getting bossed around,

yet she has no problem
bossing you around?

- No, no, that's crazy.
- Really?

Is this how you wanted
to spend your afternoon?

No, I hate this.

Man, I had
a whole day planned.

Listen, I'm gonna let Manny
spiral for a few hours,

and then we're gonna
go back upstairs

and move the furniture
around.

Oh, God, it was that.

But you need to
stand up for yourself.

You go back in there,
and you tell Gloria

that you're tired of
being told what to do.

- Let me think about it.
- Don't think.

- Just do it.
- Okay.

Oh! Oh.

Relax. It's nothing
I haven't seen before.

I was on
the boys' wrestling team.

What do you want?
I transferred the miles.

I got 'em. Decided I don't
want to travel, though...

converted them all
into gift cards.

No, no, no, they say you're
not supposed to do that.

I decided
I want something else.

I want to move in upstairs,

and I want a HEPA air filter
on account of I shed.

I told you it's rented.
I can't just cancel on them.

You sure about that?

Because when
I don't get what I want,

I can make things
real uncomfortable.

Oh, cold, cold!

What's going on?

Nothing.

Mitchell and I's
just talking.

No, no, we weren't.
I can't...

I can't take this anymore.
I'm sorry.

I never wrote
the letter

- to the parole board.
- What?

I... I tried to lie,
but I just... I couldn't do it.

Yet you had no problem
lying to me.

You just let my sister rot
in that horrific hell hole?

Oh, please,
they have a Taco Tuesday!

- Uh, Cam, c-can we talk?
- Oh, hold up.

I'm just looking through
some pictures of me

helping out your family.

Here I am taking Jay and Gloria
to the airport,

and, oh, this is me, uh, helping
Alex move into her dorm room,

and... who can forget when I helped
Phil with that magic trick

and let him make me disappear.

You're not in that picture.

That's how good I am
at helping out.

Now let's take a look
at some pictures

of you helping out
my family.

- Oh!
- Cam, I tried

to write the letter.
I... I really did,

but... she broke the law,

and she got
a fair sentence.

She did not deserve
to get out early.

I-I couldn't bring myself
to lie about it.

Oh, give me a break.

I have heard you
say the words,

"Nice perm, Manny."

You can get there.

I am an officer of the law.

- I took an oath.
- What about our oath?

To love, honor, and...

and lie for
each other's family.

- Oh, that's not part of it.
- But it's implied.

Stop. Stop.

Mitchell's right.

I spent the day
terrorizing him.

I'm a horrible person.

I should still be in jail.

Look what I took.

Is that my beard trimmer?

Works on other hairs.

I'm sorry.

I am a thief and a liar
and a manipulator.

I can't be trusted
to rejoin society.

Hey, don't say that.
You're...

You're gonna be fine.

What about little Cal?

He's doing so good here.

I'm just gonna ruin him.

I need supervision,
to be locked back up.

You guys know where
I can get a pickup truck

and a big ol' chain?

I'm gonna steal me
a Redbox.

Pam, hey, you...

You don't have to go back
to prison, okay?

You can stay upstairs.

Do you mean it?

What about your renters?

We'll cancel, um,

and... and we'll help
take care of Cal

until you can get back
on your feet, okay?

Family first.

Hey.

One for the book.

I'm gonna go get settled
upstairs.

If it's okay, I'll come back
down for Cal after my tub.

Thank you both.

I won't forget this.

That was so sweet.

I'm glad Cal
gets to stick around.

And now with Pam here,

she can feed the cat
while we go to Branson.

Dr. Singh, that is some
exquisite gel work,

and I say that
as a soon-to-be nurse

and someone who wears
a lot of product in his hair.

Thank you.

Haley, have you been taking
your prenatal vitamins?

I'll make sure she does
from now on.

Calm down, Mom.

I can remember to
take a pill every day.

Can you?

There's the heartbeat.

Oh, it... it sounds so fast,
is everything okay?

No, that's good. That's the way
a baby's heart should sound.

He's right.

It's the sound of
a very healthy... oh!

- What?
- What?

There's
a second heartbeat.

A baby with two hearts?

I didn't know I was pregnant
when I ate that brownie!

- I didn't...
- No, H-Haley, breathe.

You're having twins.

That's impossible.
It's a mistake.

It's not.
I'm pretty good at this.

She's right. You can
see them right here.

I can't have twins.

That's twice as many babies
as we were expecting.

Yeah,
they'll outnumber us.

How are they gonna fit
in our place?

How are they gonna fit
in my body?

One is always
going to be awake.

I'll never sleep again.
And those double-strollers

are so wide,
I can say goodbye

to ever shopping
in a boutique.

- Haley, everything's gonna be okay.
- You don't know that.

- I do!
- I'm in way

- over my head, Mom, I...
- But you're not alone.

Yeah, I'll be here.

Yeah, he'll be here, but
I meant me. I'll be here.

Yeah, but you kind of
haven't been lately.

I know, I know,

and I'm very sorry
about that,

but as you're
about to find out,

being a mom
is very complicated.

Luckily, there are these
instincts that kick in,

especially when
your kid's in trouble.

So if you're
ever overwhelmed,

I am right over
your shoulder

on the wings
of a hummingbird.

Now I know
where she got the brownie.

And I'll be right behind you
on that hummingbird, Mrs. D.

It's kind of
a hummingbird for one.

Okay, Manny and his
girlfriend are good.

Let's boil and broil.

Thank you, Jay.
Two sausages coming up.

Two? What, am I in
a boy band?

Make 'em all.

So, what did Sherry
say exactly?

Not much. I, you know...
I did most of the talking.

Well, hopefully now she'll
stop being so controlling.

Yeah.

Funny, though.

What is?

Well, it's just that,
you know,

you were worried about Manny
being pushed around,

and if you think about it,

you've been sort of
pushing me around all day.

What's the funny part?

No, it's just...

Where's this coming from?

Nothing, it's just something
I thought of.

No, you don't
think of stuff.

This is Sherry.
No, it isn't.

But if it were,
she'd have a point.

Oh, really? So you think
I'm very controlling?

Well, you're welcome
to choose the doctors,

pick the handymen,
make plans with friends,

cancel plans with friends.

Okay, okay, I get it.

No, no, no, no.

You do need to take
more control.

Actually, from now on,

you should decide how
to cook your own sausage.

Fine, you don't think
I can do it?

Coffee grinder, how do I make
Gloria's special sauce?

Now
you're quiet?

Hey, Jay.

- You ready to go?
- Go where?

Gloria said you'd help me
put in a skylight

at Haley's new place.

Oh, yeah, I empowered her
to say that.

How's the move going?

So good.
Really good.

Good, good, good, good.

- That's good.
- No, it's not.

It's a disaster.
The place is too small.

Everything needs fixing.
I'm trying to stay calm, but...

There's a hole
in the ceiling, Jay...

a hole in the ceiling.

Rain is gonna fall
on the crib.

What... What happens
if a... an owl

picks up a-a pinecone
and drops it?

My grandchild's gonna get
hit with a pinecone!

Don't be silly.

What would an owl be doing
with a pinecone?

At the most, it would be
a mouse or a baby gopher.

Dylan seems like he's
getting his life together,

but he's still
a wild card at best.

I know exactly
how you feel.

I guess you do.
I was your wild card, huh?

I didn't have
a lot of faith.

Didn't you have feathers
hanging off your ear?

It was a dream catcher.
It was my nightmare.

I think I see
what you're saying.

If I can become awesome,
so can Dylan.

That's not
what I'm saying.

Who the hell knows
what's gonna happen?

Let me tell you something
about life.

We all have this illusion
that we're in control.

I wanted to play
pro football,

some guy
takes my knee out.

I graduate from school,

I'm gonna drive my motorcycle
across the country,

and some suit
pulls my draft number.

I worked my ass off
to send my daughter to college,

some juggler knocks her up.

Again, sir,
I'm very sorry about that.

I put in the years,
I build my business

so I don't have to
answer to anyone,

and I still have to
jump through hoops

to get a damn sausage.

You lost me there
at that last part.

Look, all I'm saying is things
are always gonna change,

and you have to deal with it.

But the good news is,
five years from now

while you're playing
with your grandkid,

you won't even
remember today.

I hadn't thought about it
like that.

Thanks, Jay.

Huh. Haley and Dylan are gonna
have to move back in with us.

That's okay.
I can handle that.

She's having twins.

Let's get you a sausage.

Thank you.

It was a box of clothes
Pam asked her mom

to ship to her
three days ago.

You faked that breakdown
so you could stay here.

Well done, Counselor.

See, this is why I couldn't
write that letter for you.

You have no remorse for
your lying, stealing ways,

but I... I am on to you,

and I am going to
make you pay.

No, you ain't.

You tiny.

Hey, hey,
are those our lamps?

Pam?

Sync corrections by srjanapala