Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:10,395
What do you think?
2
00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:13,876
Oh, go on, say it,
3
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,799
"I'm glad you've got time on your hands
to waste, you silly old lady."
4
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:20,513
It looks great, Mum.
5
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,348
Well... I think
a real tree makes Christmas.
6
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:26,958
Yeah.
7
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,513
It's really nice.
8
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:29,788
Aw.
9
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:40,269
Aah!
10
00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:45,074
Oh! Daniel!
11
00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,591
Daniel! What have you done?!
12
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:08,000
Ripped By mstoll
13
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,394
Oh, Santa's been early.
14
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:26,671
Are you joking? They've been
bringing this shit in since October.
15
00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:30,633
- It's sweet they buy you presents, Dan.
- Oh, really?
16
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:32,193
Look at this, from Dennis.
17
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:35,391
I've told the little fuckers,
club together, buy me some booze.
18
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:39,592
Ooh, look, though, you can relax later
with some Lovely Mountain Bubble Bath.
19
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,438
Yes, thank you. I've got four bottles
of this Pound Shop shit at home.
20
00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,391
It burns your flesh, Emma, it burns.
21
00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:46,112
Well, you could do with a wash,
you appear to be covered
22
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:48,833
- in pine needles.
- What? Oh, f...
23
00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,108
It's the 12 Scares Of Christmas.
24
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:51,479
The 12...?
25
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,080
It's my dad's tedious tradition.
Just leave it.
26
00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:58,755
Here you go.
27
00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:02,634
One day you'll realise
just how lucky you are...
28
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:03,715
Scrooge.
29
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:16,713
Have you tried the Toy Depot, Brian?
30
00:02:16,760 --> 00:02:20,230
I've tried every bloody shop
in a 20-mile radius.
31
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,157
Julia's not going to forgive me
if I can't find these things.
32
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,269
The girls are obsessed with them.
33
00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:24,594
Who are The Freaky Farm Folk anyway?
34
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:28,155
Oh, they're a collection of toy animals
with glow-in-the-dark hooves
35
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:30,555
that, allegedly,
can communicate telepathically.
36
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:34,070
Bizarre idea! Probably dreamt up
in some non-member state.
37
00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:37,237
All the convenience of Europe,
none of the restrictions.
38
00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,078
You've forgotten what it's like to be
a kid. What was your best ever present?
39
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:42,236
There was one year
when the girls had mumps.
40
00:02:42,280 --> 00:02:44,396
I was allowed to watch
the Queen's Speech.
41
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:48,238
Tell me what you make of that.
42
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,389
Aah, Shakira.
43
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,318
I shall have a chocolate milkshake
and The Eggsmass Special.
44
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:56,679
Very funny, by the way.
45
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:58,312
Get fucked!
46
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,198
She totally likes you.
47
00:03:04,240 --> 00:03:05,878
- Right?
- Oh, hold your horses.
48
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:09,629
"To my favourite troublesome teacher."
Super flirty.
49
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:12,877
Or damning with the faintest of praise,
depending on which way you look at it.
50
00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:15,434
"All my love." All my love.
51
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:16,959
- Exactly.
- It's a figure of speech!
52
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:17,876
You should ask her out, Dan.
53
00:03:17,920 --> 00:03:19,592
Shall I bring her down here?
Tomorrow lunchtime.
54
00:03:19,640 --> 00:03:23,269
No. No, go posh. Go Nando's.
55
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:24,469
I fucking love chicken.
56
00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:25,873
Mm, nice chicken dinner
57
00:03:25,920 --> 00:03:28,354
Or, over a period of years,
you could convince her
58
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:32,393
that you care about your job,
that you're motivated, thoughtful.
59
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,079
Last time I saw you speaking to her,
you asked her to go into
60
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,429
a boiler room to go halves on a bastard.
61
00:03:37,480 --> 00:03:39,436
- Yeah, I was flirting.
- There's no quick fix, Dan.
62
00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:40,629
Yes, there is.
63
00:03:40,680 --> 00:03:43,433
- I know what I'm gonna do.
- What?
64
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:47,029
The thing that I have successfully avoided
for my whole career.
65
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:48,911
But I'll do one,
66
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:53,636
and she will be enchanted
and she shall be mine.
67
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:56,833
I'm gonna do a school play.
68
00:03:56,880 --> 00:03:58,518
Yay!
69
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,074
I'll get my eggs to celebrate my genius.
70
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:02,838
I'm gonna be in Dan's school play.
71
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:04,438
You should do all the nerdy tech stuff,
Brian.
72
00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:06,118
I'm not getting involved.
73
00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:09,435
Are those, er, my eggs, Shakira?
74
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:27,111
I love the 12 Scares Of Christmas.
75
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,910
Can't we just do space mission, sir?
76
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:32,949
Yeah!
77
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:37,152
Dennis, being in a school production
will be very good for your character.
78
00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:38,599
You're just trying to impress Miss Lipsey.
79
00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:40,517
- Shut it!
- Everyone's guessed.
80
00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,437
Do people get killed in it, sir?
81
00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,072
No. There's no killing.
82
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:45,269
It sounds rubbish.
83
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:50,394
It's not rubbish, Dennis. You'll like it
because, ooh, it's set in space!
84
00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:51,714
Scrooge In Space?
85
00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,479
Bit random, sir.
Can't we do Bugsy Malone?
86
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,317
Cos that's not random, is it, son?
87
00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,555
Loads of kids getting killed by custard.
Wake up!
88
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,591
This Scrooge bloke sounds like a paedo.
89
00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,598
Well, he's not! Right, so, parts.
90
00:05:03,640 --> 00:05:05,517
- Sir.
- Maurice?
91
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:08,279
- I had a go on a paedo once.
- What?!
92
00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:09,594
When we went to Bournemouth.
93
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,039
Maurice!
94
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,435
We had to give the man an extra £5
95
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:16,711
cos we were late coming back in
and the tide had gone out.
96
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:21,117
OK, that would have been a pedalo,
Maurice. Right, parts. Dennis -
97
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,799
Emperor Scrooge.
Maurice, you can be Xob Scratchett.
98
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:26,912
Obviously, Maureen,
you'll be the Narrator.
99
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,029
What's a paedo then?
100
00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:29,229
It doesn't matter what a paedo is.
101
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:30,315
It definitely matters.
102
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:31,918
Guys, I'm trying to crack on
with a play here.
103
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:34,918
But, sir, if I might be so bold,
who will arrange the music?
104
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:36,075
What music?
105
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:40,318
Surely you've ascertained by now,
Scrooge 3000 is a musical.
106
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,628
Oh, shit!
107
00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,799
Mr Field-Williams.
108
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,398
A moment, please.
109
00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,955
Lovely, my dear, just lovely.
110
00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,231
And such a lightness of touch,
don't you think, Mr Davies?
111
00:06:00,280 --> 00:06:03,590
Oh, yes! It's just like
Wagner was reborn as a child.
112
00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:07,713
Praise indeed.
Now, how can I help you, dear fellow?
113
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,797
I'm doing a school production.
114
00:06:10,840 --> 00:06:13,354
I was hoping you'd take care
of the music for me.
115
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:14,958
Oh, dear.
116
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:19,118
That sounds a little bit too hectic
for me these days, I fear.
117
00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,149
I see.
118
00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,430
Let me rephrase it.
119
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:25,517
Please help me, my life is dreadful,
120
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:26,834
I beg you.
121
00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:27,995
Goodness me.
122
00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:30,395
Well, in that case,
123
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:33,398
I'll just pop into the office
and, er, look at my diary.
124
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,791
What are you doing here,
Bride of Chucky?
125
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:38,989
You're supposed to be in my lesson.
126
00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:40,439
Not any more, you loser.
127
00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:43,358
I'm getting real lessons
from an actual teacher.
128
00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,709
Good. Cos you'll miss out
on being in the school play.
129
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:49,230
Scrooge 3000? It's going to be awful.
130
00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:51,510
Yeah, awful like your life.
131
00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:53,118
You're a cat lady waiting to happen.
132
00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:56,152
"Oh, hello, I'm Mr Davies,
I live with my mum
133
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:58,270
"and my dad and I'm about 50."
134
00:06:58,320 --> 00:06:59,799
You little rat.
135
00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:07,559
Frank?
136
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:08,874
Oh!
137
00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:11,480
Er, sorry, dear boy,
138
00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:14,318
I, er, I nodded off.
139
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:16,589
Is that you, Frank?
140
00:07:16,640 --> 00:07:19,598
Uh? Ah... yes.
141
00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:22,029
Berlin, 1956.
142
00:07:23,120 --> 00:07:24,951
Heady days with the Philharmonic.
143
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:29,915
If I remember, that night ended with
me dancing naked in the fountain.
144
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,075
Oh, my God!
145
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,349
Oliver Reed!
146
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,960
Yes! Oh, that was a session.
147
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,514
I managed to kick the booze
before darling Ollie.
148
00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:40,949
There but for the grace of God. Hm.
149
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,231
Yeah. So, what do you say, Frank?
150
00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:47,556
Fancy reliving the glory days
with a bit of Scrooge 3000?
151
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:52,151
Ah, now, I've, er, checked the diary...
152
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:53,428
and you're in luck.
153
00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:55,914
I've nothing on for one year.
154
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:57,598
Ah, wonderful!
155
00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:59,392
Oh, no.
156
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:02,595
Who's Emma?
157
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,710
Just a friend.
I'm just doing my Christmas cards.
158
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,512
- On the computer?
- Yes!
159
00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:09,154
No post office, no stamps.
160
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,078
Pow! That's blown her little old
lady mind, hasn't it?
161
00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,635
A lady friend. Oh, I am pleased.
162
00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:20,071
Your dad and I were worried, you know -
the first Christmas without Naomi and...
163
00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:21,951
God, I'd forgotten about him.
Where is he?
164
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:26,152
Oh, he's putting a box of mince pies in
the car, for you to take in for the staff.
165
00:08:27,080 --> 00:08:29,958
Bastard! What have you done
to my car, you monster?
166
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,831
Nothing, Daniel!
167
00:08:31,880 --> 00:08:35,111
I thought it needed a bit of a clean.
It was covered with pine needles.
168
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,429
What is it?
169
00:08:39,480 --> 00:08:43,712
Mousetrap on the clutch, is it?
Very clever, old man.
170
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,832
I wonder if he should be
doing this school play.
171
00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,440
- It's making him very paranoid.
- Yes.
172
00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:55,438
Yes. Silly lad.
173
00:08:57,480 --> 00:08:59,357
Darling...
174
00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:02,749
...who's Emma?
175
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:04,313
Sir, is this
the entire production team?
176
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,920
I'm a little concerned
about Mr Field-Williams.
177
00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,190
He smells like my hamster's cage.
178
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,276
- Recognise...
- Oh, God.
179
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,551
You all right? What's that?
180
00:10:14,600 --> 00:10:17,512
It's a seagull bite.
What are you wearing?
181
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:21,838
I got them all.
The deer, the mole and the owl.
182
00:10:21,880 --> 00:10:24,075
Now, where's my tech crew?
183
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:25,439
Alan.
184
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,554
Are you a pedalo?
185
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:55,719
Fire lasers!
186
00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,957
Oh... Not bad!
187
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:02,470
Not bad. I mean, needs some work,
but we've got two weeks.
188
00:11:02,520 --> 00:11:04,397
How hard can this be?
189
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:14,114
A-ha, Xob Scratchett! I won't buy you
and your family a futuristic goose.
190
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:17,152
Sir, he's smiling again
and he keeps mouthing my lines!
191
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,156
- Sir, I wasn't.
- Just carry on.
192
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:21,794
Goose song. Goose song!
193
00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,396
Shake those arses, girls! Really grind it.
194
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:38,396
It's no use, Dan.
I'm going to have to lead them.
195
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:42,830
Oh...
196
00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:50,476
Right, stop. Stop!
197
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,875
Stop. Get the geese off!
198
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:57,796
No, Alan, not now.
199
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:00,199
I'm well sad we're so poor.
200
00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:02,435
Maurice! You're still smiling!
201
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,358
No, Alan, not now!
202
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,594
Oi! Stop! What's that?
203
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:11,959
He's got bionic legs.
204
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,958
Yeah. He's not a fucking Nazi,
though, is he?
205
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:16,752
Maurice! You're still smiling!
206
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,314
Oof! Not smiling now, is he, sir?
207
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:20,190
Oh...
208
00:12:21,240 --> 00:12:22,878
Alan! No!
209
00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:26,549
Dan, these girls really need me
to lead them. They're just not qualified.
210
00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:27,874
Oh, Christ!
211
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:31,754
What is wrong with you all?
It's a bloody shambles!
212
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:36,715
We are performing this tonight.
Do you understand? Tonight!
213
00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:38,830
Look at my nose!
214
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:41,519
Look at my fucking nose!
215
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:45,476
Pick that goose up.
216
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:50,229
Hey, Frank.
217
00:12:50,280 --> 00:12:53,158
Gifts?
The kids got me loads of stuff.
218
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:56,272
Lovely Mountain bath foam,
toffee whisky,
219
00:12:56,320 --> 00:12:58,470
loads of chocolates.
220
00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:00,909
- Do you want one?
- Why not?
221
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:08,157
That's weird. I didn't know
Taboo did liqueurs.
222
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:09,872
Jo, come here!
223
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:20,435
Your nose looks sore.
224
00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:22,675
I think it's infected.
225
00:13:24,280 --> 00:13:27,955
I'm not sleeping,
my... my immunity's right down.
226
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,594
And then I'm coming in
to this... piss parade.
227
00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:33,791
- It's coming together.
- It's fucked!
228
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,593
If Emma sees this,
that'll be the end of it.
229
00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:41,635
- We got the snow machine, sir!
- Oh, my God!
230
00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:44,035
Seems like Nobby came up
with the goods.
231
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:47,231
Jesus Christ, where did he get it?
Stalingrad?
232
00:13:47,280 --> 00:13:48,633
Something tells me
we should not use this.
233
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:52,119
- I think this'll make things worse.
- What? Shut up, Dan!
234
00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:55,516
It's a Christmas play, you got to have
a snow machine. Fire it up, Dennis!
235
00:14:03,240 --> 00:14:06,869
Well... it would appear
my instincts were correct.
236
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:08,751
Aaaagh...
237
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:15,719
- Frank?
- Who wrote this shit?!
238
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:18,149
Scrooge In Space
239
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,474
Are you all right, Frank?
240
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:24,594
I played
in the fucking Berlin Philharmonic,
241
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,756
you pricks!
242
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,792
Mr Field-Williams, could I ask you
to wait outside, please?
243
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:33,116
Shut it! Rrrrrr-Rudolph.
244
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,310
It's a seagull bite!
245
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:38,830
What sort of queer
gets bitten by a seagull?!
246
00:14:41,280 --> 00:14:43,236
Guys... I think Frank...
247
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,032
might be allergic to chocolate.
248
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:48,436
Be quiet! Right, think, think, think.
249
00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:50,914
Brian, please go and get him
some coffee, sober him up.
250
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,029
I think we'll be OK.
251
00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,197
As long as Emma doesn't see any of this,
I think we'll be all right.
252
00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,629
If we can just bring him round...
this is saveable, right?
253
00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:58,749
Yeah.
254
00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:01,360
Dan! He's hot-wired the Scenic.
255
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:02,719
What?
256
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:05,718
The Freaky Farm Folk are in the boot!
Come on, if we hurry, we might catch him.
257
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,117
See? You ridiculed me for having
a tracker fitted to the Scenic.
258
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:16,559
Not so silly now, is it?
259
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,750
Now is not the time for your smuggery.
Where is he?
260
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:22,270
According to the GPS,
he's at the Rose and Crown on Wimpole.
261
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:25,357
Worst case scenario -
I'll dance a cappella.
262
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:27,231
My moves don't need tunes.
263
00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:28,759
Shut up, Jo!
264
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:31,553
- Did you do that side of the bar?
- It's not my job, I'm not doing it...
265
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,751
If you want a drink, you'll have to go
somewhere else. We've closed early.
266
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,234
Oh, no, we're looking for an old man,
he smells like a hamster cage.
267
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:39,430
He just left,
the disgusting old bastard!
268
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,879
I'll thank you to calm down.
269
00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:43,388
Did he mention toys -
or a nicely maintained Scenic?
270
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,874
Yeah, he had a weird bag of animals,
he kept
271
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,638
- trying to swap them for drink.
- He's found them!
272
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,717
Never mind that. Did he look like
he was up to playing the piano?
273
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,354
He didn't look up to anything, mate.
He lost it when I caught him
274
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,311
trying to drink beer
straight from the taps. And then...
275
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,635
Paul, I'm telling you,
I'm not cleaning that up.
276
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:00,638
- Ohh...
- Oh, God.
277
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,750
Yeah, that's human.
278
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:04,950
He must be more allergic
than we thought.
279
00:16:06,840 --> 00:16:08,512
I'm sorry about that. Do you know
280
00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:10,312
- where he may have gone?
- For food, I would have thought.
281
00:16:11,680 --> 00:16:13,875
Yeah, he's going to be peckish.
282
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:20,954
Right. So where does a man
with no money go for food?
283
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:30,718
Yes. He has been here. He drank
far more than his fair share of soup,
284
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:33,035
then attempted
to sell me a toy deer.
285
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:36,595
- Bastard! Sorry, Vicar.
- He's out of control!
286
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:37,959
That's not the worst of it,
I'm afraid.
287
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,230
When I declined,
he took out his frustrations
288
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,952
on one of our pastoral paintings.
289
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,992
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
It's all about you, isn't it?
290
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:46,951
- Where is he?
- He said he was going to have it
291
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,149
with a hooker three times wrong.
292
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,633
- Stanley, please!
- Sorry, Vicar.
293
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:54,395
He said he was going to have it
with a hooker three times wrong.
294
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:56,158
Right, there's only one place in town
he can get that.
295
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,235
Sapphire's Sauna.
296
00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,032
Guys? This cow's got a big old dick.
297
00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:00,798
Thanks for your help, Reverend.
298
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:05,118
I'm sorry. I cannot permit you to leave
until this painting has been cleaned.
299
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:07,310
With respect - we're in a rush.
300
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,078
I haven't got time to wash
a cock and balls off a cow.
301
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:10,439
I'm afraid I cannot permit you
302
00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,392
- to leave until this matter is settled.
- Oh, God...
303
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:14,919
- Stand aside, Vicar.
- I shall not.
304
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:18,308
Brian?
305
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:21,557
Reverend... we have a play
to put on,
306
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:25,991
and that man has stolen my Renault Scenic
and this year's must-have toys.
307
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:27,393
Move!
308
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,032
- No!
- Brian?
309
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:31,668
- Move!
- Right...!
310
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:35,638
Brian, what are you doing?
311
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:37,238
She's winning! Dan!
312
00:17:37,280 --> 00:17:38,793
Smack her in the windpipe, Brian.
313
00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:41,274
Oh, my God, she's...
She's going for a Tyson!
314
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:44,469
Go!
315
00:17:49,960 --> 00:17:53,873
I'm sorry, Vicar. You backed us
into a corner, like rats.
316
00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,399
He had no choice but to take you out.
317
00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:57,078
Come on, Dan!
318
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,272
In case you're wondering,
this is a seagull bite.
319
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:01,639
Dan!
320
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,719
Why would a drunk man
want a massage?
321
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:16,192
That is a weird place. There's no actual
sauna, and the woman offered me a job.
322
00:18:16,240 --> 00:18:19,471
Massage is one of the few things
I'm not actually qualified for...
323
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,158
Jo! Has he been there?
324
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,838
Yeah, sounds like he had a great time.
325
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,950
Your car's fine, Brian,
it's round the corner.
326
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,070
Good old Frank!
327
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:29,315
Yeah, woman said
he had a lovely massage.
328
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:30,713
How did he pay for a massage?
He hasn't got any money.
329
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:32,910
He swapped a massage... for an owl.
330
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,110
Motherfucker!
331
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:36,388
Where is he now?
332
00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:38,351
Hospital, he got overexcited.
333
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:39,594
Hospital?
334
00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:40,629
Shit!
335
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,313
I'm sorry, my dears.
336
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,836
I've been such a nuisance.
Please excuse me.
337
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,711
Never mind, Frank.
338
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,070
20 years I've been off the booze...
339
00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:59,714
and I got a bit carried away.
340
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,395
I think this is yours.
341
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:05,953
You keep it, Frank.
342
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,319
Ha.
343
00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:12,275
Today... was the most defouled,
344
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:16,154
debauched and hedonistic day
I've had in years.
345
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,633
It was marvellous!
346
00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:24,159
There is just one thing
I can't believe.
347
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:29,557
I can't believe I...
348
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,194
I can't believe I...
349
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:35,834
Frank, what is it,
what are you trying to say?
350
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,233
I can't believe I...
351
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,875
...I did a shit behind the bar.
352
00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:57,759
Oh, great.
353
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,631
Happy fucking Christmas
354
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:08,909
Are you sure we can't do it?
355
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:13,112
It's a musical, Jo.
Our piano player is dead,
356
00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:14,354
so, no.
357
00:20:14,400 --> 00:20:16,516
Well, I'll go and tell
the robot Christmas geese, then.
358
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:22,951
Never mind, Dan.
359
00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:26,112
You tried.
360
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,799
I'll go and speak to Alan.
361
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:30,068
Yeah.
362
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:39,396
What's this I hear, you're giving up?
363
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,192
Your mother and I were looking forward
to the play.
364
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,151
What the hell can I do?
365
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,236
Daniel, life isn't easy.
366
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:48,158
- Give me the musical score.
- What?!
367
00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:49,918
Give me the music.
368
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:57,598
Easy. Let's go.
369
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,392
- But...
- Don't question it.
370
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,715
I'm doing it for Mr Field-Williams.
371
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,478
You can be my page turner.
372
00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,752
Get all your foil back on.
It's happening!
373
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:15,233
Yeah!
374
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,235
And go, Maureen.
375
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:54,475
Happy futuristic Christmas, everyone.
376
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,478
That way. That way.
377
00:22:11,520 --> 00:22:12,873
That...
378
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,352
...was...
379
00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,229
...really good.
380
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:21,919
It was messy, but it was all right.
381
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:23,791
I think Frank would have liked it.
382
00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:25,717
Yeah. He would.
383
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,115
Thanks for my Moonpig card,
by the way.
384
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:29,036
What?
385
00:22:34,360 --> 00:22:36,237
Fucker!
386
00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:37,429
After everything I've...
387
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:40,153
Don't worry, I guessed it was
one of your dad's scares.
388
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:41,633
Aah.
389
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:45,231
You do like the kids, don't you?
390
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:47,191
Admit it!
391
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:53,559
You are a strangely likeable idiot,
Dan Davies.
392
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,079
Am I?
393
00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:57,998
Let's go for a drink, then.
I know a pub that's...
394
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,110
Yep, I can pretty much guarantee
it's empty.
395
00:23:00,160 --> 00:23:02,071
Maybe another time.
396
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:04,559
But Happy Christmas, eh?
397
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:06,795
Happy Christmas.
398
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,311
Alan, for fuck's sake!
399
00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:29,500
Ripped By mstoll
29664
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
