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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,709
Right, I'm here. Before you start,
Karen, I know I'm late...
2
00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:08,036
What's going on?
Why are you all sitting like this?
3
00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:10,548
Y-You've got visitors, sir.
4
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:13,068
Mr Davies.
5
00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:16,954
Mr and Mrs Elliston are thinking of
transferring their daughter to the school,
6
00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,675
and she loves drama,
so we thought we'd pop in.
7
00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:22,709
Right!
8
00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:25,433
Welcome.
9
00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:28,869
So...
10
00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:37,671
Good morning, everyone.
11
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:40,109
Good morning, sir.
12
00:00:40,160 --> 00:00:41,479
Right.
13
00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:43,078
Are you wearing slippers?
14
00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,758
Yes. Yes, I am.
15
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,870
- Now...
- Why are you wearing slippers?
16
00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,911
- It doesn't matter.
- Is it something to do
17
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:50,632
- with space mission, sir?
- No.
18
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,477
But surely
slippers would make it difficult
19
00:00:52,520 --> 00:00:54,158
to get a sufficient purchase
on the space rock.
20
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,077
Shut up!
21
00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:01,238
Thank you! It's got nothing to do
with space mission, everyone.
22
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,078
It was a little incident
with my neighbour's cat and my shoes.
23
00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:05,235
Did it poo in them?
24
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:09,478
It was just a wee, but it's an old cat,
so it properly stinks.
25
00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,671
So, where were we with the lesson?
26
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,393
Dennis reckoned he could kick
an alien's nutsack off, sir.
27
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:17,829
We don't talk about
things like that in here.
28
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,075
Oh, we do. Often.
29
00:01:20,120 --> 00:01:22,873
Yes, and I've said you can't kick
anything's nutsack off,
30
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:24,114
and that's the end of it.
31
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,594
You can, sir!
My uncle kicked a pig's off!
32
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:29,552
- Jesus! Did he?
- Yeah, it tried to bite him!
33
00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:32,160
Yeah, well, they don't like
being cornered, do they, guys?
34
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:35,158
Pigs do not like being cornered.
35
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,599
Oh!
36
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,835
Now... focus!
37
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,836
What's happening with the lesson?
38
00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,553
You said we'd meet
the alien lizard king this lesson.
39
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:44,555
Did you forget?
40
00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:46,795
No.
41
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:04,313
Fuck it!
42
00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:16,591
The lizard king!
43
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,638
Hello.
44
00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:34,000
Ripped By mstoll
45
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:46,835
I've never seen you eat, Brian.
46
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:48,791
- It's so weird!
- Hm.
47
00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,273
Shakira, could I have a little pepper?
48
00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,469
Fuck off!
49
00:02:52,680 --> 00:02:56,355
First 10K run of the season tomorrow,
so I need the protein.
50
00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:58,709
Shakira's ripped you off, mate.
That is egg.
51
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:01,353
- Dominic says...
- Oh, here we go!
52
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,436
Pray silence for what Dominic says.
53
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:07,314
Dominic says food is key to focus,
so I need it.
54
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,477
And, by the way, Jo, egg is protein.
55
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,988
Right. And a pen is a house, is it?
56
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,395
Dominic says
I can go for my PB tomorrow.
57
00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,591
"Hello, everyone, my name's Brian.
I used to listen to my friends,
58
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:20,756
"but now I'm too busy jog-dogging
with Dominic."
59
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,633
Honestly, mate, I think
you'd finger a swan if he asked you to.
60
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,194
Sorry, I just happen
to find him inspirational.
61
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:27,912
Three cider quizzes
on the bounce you've missed.
62
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:31,191
You know I can't win with Jo.
She thinks ABBA is a person.
63
00:03:31,240 --> 00:03:32,559
Well, I can't go either.
64
00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:33,919
- I'm moving house.
- Since when?
65
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,918
Mr Camol kicked me out
for not paying rent. No biggie.
66
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,757
I've already got another place sorted.
67
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,837
Well, if I've lost you two,
68
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,917
I truly have nothing left
in the world to lose.
69
00:03:46,120 --> 00:03:47,758
There's a mouthful left in that, Shakira.
70
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,550
Bob!
71
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:55,434
Dan, you're being absurd.
You're not losing me to Dominic.
72
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:57,914
It's him.
73
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:03,470
"I'm giving you a lie-in tomorrow.
Let's meet at 5.35."
74
00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:05,556
That's actually very good.
75
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,397
That is very good
76
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:11,353
- Very good.
- That is... very funny!
77
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:15,075
Right, fine,
I won't go to cider quiz either.
78
00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:16,519
I'll get an early night
79
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:18,869
and I'll, um... come to your running club
with you tomorrow morning.
80
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:22,913
I don't think
running club is for you, Dan.
81
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:26,553
Shorts?! What do you want with shorts?
82
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,636
I'm making a sports-themed quilt.
83
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,750
Ooh, lovely!
84
00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:34,759
Obviously not.
I'm joining Brian's running club.
85
00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,109
Don't be silly.
86
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Fuck off! I am.
87
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:42,394
You can't go running, you silly boy.
88
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,352
Not with your big, fat tummy
and Twiglet legs.
89
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,709
Oh, right, whereas you're ripped,
aren't you, Jessica Ennis?
90
00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,591
I thought a baby elephant
had broken in last week
91
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:50,755
when you wore that sleeveless top.
92
00:04:51,880 --> 00:04:55,555
You have got some shorts, Daniel, but
they're from when you were at school.
93
00:04:55,600 --> 00:05:00,037
You can't go running in tight shorts.
It gives you a rash - you know it does.
94
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:01,672
Listen, when I want advice
95
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:05,269
about pacing myself during the buffing
of worthless china tat, I'll come to you.
96
00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:06,639
Until then, get my shorts.
97
00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,877
- What's the fuss?
- Daniel's going running!
98
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,315
Stop laughing!
99
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,637
- What time are you getting up?
- 5am.
100
00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:45,637
Wakey-wakey, Daniel. Rise and shine.
101
00:05:45,680 --> 00:05:48,399
Running time.
102
00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,915
Argh! Fuck!
103
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,871
Hey! Fuck!
104
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:03,271
F... What the fuck are you doing?!
105
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:04,799
You said you wanted to be woken up early.
106
00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:07,559
- What time is it?
- 2.30.
107
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,388
I've only been asleep for an hour!
Why are you waking me up now?!
108
00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,396
Thought you might like to stretch.
109
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,111
At five!
110
00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,635
Oh... God!
111
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,995
You look dreadful!
112
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,951
And why are you wearing slippers?!
113
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,878
Better sort yourself out before Dominic
gets here. He runs a tight ship.
114
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:39,148
I'm shagged already, mate.
115
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,430
I barely slept last night.
116
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,198
Shit! He's here.
117
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:44,719
Behave.
118
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:48,349
Team!
119
00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:50,197
- Hi, Dom.
- Hi, Dominic.
120
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:53,198
Hi, Dominic!
121
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,071
Hope you lot are ready
for a beefing today.
122
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,314
Beef!
123
00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:57,918
- Yeah!
- Beef!
124
00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,474
OK. Plate up.
125
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:05,036
It's a crisp morning.
Puts me in mind of Seoul '88.
126
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:08,755
All right, here's how I read it -
we head up Hammer Hill,
127
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:12,270
then get a rage on through the woods,
and I do mean rage.
128
00:07:12,320 --> 00:07:14,880
I can't have any half measures.
Watch...
129
00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:16,592
Hot tea.
130
00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:27,752
- Hot... tea!
- Beef!
131
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:29,233
- Beef!
- Yes! Come on!
132
00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,714
- That's the way we like it.
- What the fuck was that about?!
133
00:07:31,760 --> 00:07:35,594
- I'm trying to listen.
- Remember, you are in control.
134
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,790
It all starts with the mind.
135
00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:41,071
- Goodness, yes, commitment. Gosh!
- Beef!
136
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:43,918
- Beef!
- What's so special about him?
137
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:46,315
All he's done so far
is pour tea on the floor. Big deal.
138
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:48,828
Come to the staff room, mate.
Shakey O'Donnell's covered in the stuff.
139
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,074
Dan, please.
140
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:52,953
I just don't see what all the fuss
is about. He just seems...
141
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:58,077
Oh, my...! Oh, my God!
142
00:07:58,120 --> 00:07:59,235
Dan.
143
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,316
That's the biggest arse I've ever seen!
144
00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:03,316
What was his sport, mate?
145
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:05,476
- It wasn't fucking hurdles, was it?
- It's not that big.
146
00:08:05,520 --> 00:08:08,432
- Brian, he looks like a centaur!
- Look,
147
00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:10,914
this is precisely why I didn't want you
coming to running club!
148
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:14,589
- This is my sanctuary.
- It's huge!
149
00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,393
We could make money out of this.
All we need is a caravan.
150
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,398
Shit! He's coming over.
I swear, if you mention his arse,
151
00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:21,634
I will never speak to you again.
152
00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,592
- Do you understand?
- Good one, men. Hey!
153
00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:27,632
New member alert. Friend of yours, Ben?
154
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:29,352
- It's Brian.
- Hi, Brian.
155
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,789
- Hello.
- No, I'm Brian, this is Dan.
156
00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,910
Dan, Ben, Brian. Who gives a fuck?
157
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,837
Great to have another
pain addict on board.
158
00:08:35,880 --> 00:08:37,711
Glad to see you made a start
on the cranberry.
159
00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:41,992
In Seoul, we drank so much of this,
we pissed crimson.
160
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:45,793
Wow! He just flicked
the end of my penis.
161
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,115
Never miss. Come on, guys, lunge it!
162
00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:52,551
That arse is so ripe,
it's going to come off the vine, Brian!
163
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:53,589
What's that?
164
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,756
- Looking forward to the burn, Dominic?
- Always.
165
00:08:57,520 --> 00:08:58,999
Where do you get
your jogging bottoms, Dom?
166
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:01,474
I have to order them online.
It's hard to find the right fit.
167
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:02,999
- I bet it fucking is!
- Dominic,
168
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,873
just to let you know,
I've, er, got this old hamstring injury,
169
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,239
- I think it's playing up again.
- What?
170
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:11,592
I said I've got a hamstring injury.
I think it's, um...
171
00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:16,795
No.
172
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:19,628
You haven't.
173
00:09:21,680 --> 00:09:22,669
OK.
174
00:09:22,720 --> 00:09:24,153
Good.
175
00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,434
Thank you.
176
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:32,239
See you on the road, yeah?
177
00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:39,637
It's mental here! I thought
we were just going jogging, mate.
178
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,750
Already,
I've discovered this red nectar
179
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:44,314
and I've seen you hypnotised
by a human baboon!
180
00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:45,918
I love running club!
181
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:47,279
I'm going to do everything
182
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,958
- that big-arsed man says.
- Look!
183
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:52,072
It's not that big, OK!
Stop ruining running club!
184
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,076
It's pretty big, Brian.
185
00:09:54,120 --> 00:09:55,235
Brian!
186
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:57,679
Brian!
187
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,109
Brian!
188
00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:05,999
Christ, how much of that cranberry juice
have you drunk?!
189
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,951
It's really good for you. You heard Dom.
190
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,389
It doesn't mean
you're supposed to drink it all day.
191
00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:13,477
Now, shut up!
I'm trying to monitor my heart rate.
192
00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:16,080
If I drink enough of it,
I might get a big magic arse.
193
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:19,112
He hasn't got a big magic arse, you idiot!
194
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:22,709
I saw what he did, Brian.
He cured your leg with his arse.
195
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:26,753
- He's like a big-bummed Jesus!
- OK, he has a method.
196
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,472
I don't know what it is.
197
00:10:28,520 --> 00:10:30,670
I haven't been invited
for the one-to-one yet.
198
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:32,836
Ah! What's the one-to-one?
199
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,632
Dominic...
200
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:39,628
Dominic's secret is so powerful,
he can only tell one man at a time.
201
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:44,310
Sounds incredible! I totally understand
why you're in love with him.
202
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:46,351
I'm not in love with him!
203
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,755
You are! I am!
204
00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:50,916
I don't have time for this!
I'm going for my PB
205
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,679
and Julia's expecting me back
to do the big shop.
206
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,039
Brian...
207
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,559
Brian.
208
00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:00,635
Oh, my God!
209
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:05,395
You all right, boys? You out for a run?
210
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:06,555
Oh, fuck!
211
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:10,470
I wish I knew you were coming round.
212
00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:12,636
It's not quite ready yet.
It's still a bit of a pigsty.
213
00:11:12,680 --> 00:11:13,715
- Jo?
- Yes.
214
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:17,355
- Is your new house a tent by the road?
- Yes! Wicked!
215
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,550
- No, not wicked.
- It is weird, mate.
216
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,955
Says the cranberry-guzzling fuckwit!
217
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:25,549
Hey, listen, I didn't have a house,
now I have a house.
218
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,795
- Winner!
- It's a tent, you mad bitch!
219
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:30,920
We should ask Dom what to do about this.
Dom would know what to do about this.
220
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:34,111
No! No, we shouldn't.
Dom must never see this.
221
00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:37,038
- Hey, guys.
- Oh, fuck! Hi, Dom.
222
00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,435
- Taking five?
- Just checking my pulse rate.
223
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:42,199
- What's with the tent?
- Hello. I live here.
224
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:45,949
Ah, a gyppo! Good luck to ya!
Live and let live.
225
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:48,150
I don't really know her.
226
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,270
I've had five cartons
of cranberry juice, Dom.
227
00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:51,355
Why?
228
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,278
So I can piss crimson
like they did in Seoul '88.
229
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,639
Well, all right, then.
230
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:57,796
Oh! He got the tip again!
231
00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:02,231
Don't aim for where the dick is.
Aim for where the dick is going to be.
232
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,510
- What does that mean?
- I think if you just...
233
00:12:04,560 --> 00:12:06,516
Dom, I think I've shaved
five seconds off my PB.
234
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:09,677
You can't beat the crimson piss, Dan.
Keep it up.
235
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,599
D-D-Dom, hamstring's... holding up, thanks.
236
00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:16,029
- Glad to hear it, Ben!
- It's Brian.
237
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,629
- He seems really nice.
- He is.
238
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:27,557
You should invite him
to the tent for drinks.
239
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:31,593
Jo, you can't live in a fucking tent!
How are you going to eat?
240
00:12:31,640 --> 00:12:33,039
How are you going to eat?
241
00:12:33,080 --> 00:12:35,036
- I'll forage.
- She'll forage.
242
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,197
This is insane! You have already
ruined running club, and you...
243
00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:41,676
Dominic now thinks I hang out
with the big one from Bananarama!
244
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:46,589
- Brian! Why are you so stressed?
- And how have I ruined running club?
245
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:49,552
I have totally embraced
that big-butt genius's way of life.
246
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,319
Will you stop going on about his arse?!
247
00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:55,750
- Someone's got himself into a tizz.
- Yes.
248
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,360
Here... I've popped a cranberry.
249
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,356
You... idiot!
250
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:03,278
Just stay away, do you understand?
Stay away from me, stay away from Dom!
251
00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:04,992
He's mine! He's mine!
252
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,110
- Argh!
- Oh, God!
253
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:08,752
He's juiced me!
254
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,268
Brian! Why?!
255
00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,278
Hey, Dan.
256
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:22,199
What happened, get juiced?
Felt like you were getting somewhere.
257
00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:23,992
I messed up, Dom.
258
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,519
I always do.
259
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,199
We'll see about that.
260
00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:32,671
Get in. We're going to my place.
261
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,316
The one-to-one!
262
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,228
That's much better.
263
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,316
Velour.
264
00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:07,952
Hello.
265
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:14,192
Please don't be nervous.
I'm not a homosexual.
266
00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:15,559
Righto.
267
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:18,797
- I used to be like you.
- Tall?
268
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:22,230
A directionless loser. A fat dropout.
269
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:24,669
A pointy dicked,
saggy jowelled toss-stick. A...
270
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:28,269
- All right, mate!
- Let me guess.
271
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:31,239
A woman, right?
272
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:36,070
A woman you thought was there for ever
just upped and left you.
273
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:38,509
Out of the blue.
274
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,152
Gone.
275
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:42,077
Just like that.
276
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:44,873
And you don't know why.
277
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:48,356
Yes! God, you are magic!
278
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,233
I'm not magic, my potbellied friend,
279
00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,510
I've just harnessed something.
280
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,358
Something that could change your life.
281
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:58,038
I can help you.
282
00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:00,640
I can give you what you need.
283
00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:02,113
But first...
284
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,075
...I have to know that you want it enough.
285
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:11,679
- I don't know what it is that I need.
- You know what it is.
286
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,796
I honestly don't know what it is.
287
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,479
Ultimate control!
288
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,878
You think I don't know about my arse?
289
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:27,310
Hm?
You think I don't know what people say?
290
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,999
You think I haven't heard the calls?
291
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:33,191
Silverback butt. Bubble bum.
292
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:36,312
Big icing-sugar-dusted peach!
293
00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:39,158
The cock-and-balled Nicki Minaj!
294
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,872
Huh!
295
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:49,355
It is big.
296
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,550
Of course I know.
297
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,558
None of these ornaments
are more than a week old.
298
00:15:54,600 --> 00:16:00,357
Every shit costs me ｣300.
But I don't care. And you know why?
299
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,438
Because I have control, Dan.
300
00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:07,040
It's not about looking at my behind.
301
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,471
It's about looking within.
302
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:16,828
Teach me.
303
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,792
Teach me, you massive-arsed guru!
304
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,072
Oi! Come back here!
305
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:53,951
First of all, we centre ourselves
with the trigger.
306
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,558
Look at me, Dan.
307
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,830
When I pull the trigger finger,
308
00:16:57,880 --> 00:17:03,876
I have taught myself that the wild horses
of my mind are tamed! Do you believe it?
309
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:05,353
- Yes!
- Then express it!
310
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:08,392
Cure me with your arse!
311
00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:12,479
I feel the rush of control
coursing through my veins, Daniel!
312
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:14,834
I don't understand, Dom!
313
00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,075
- Do you want to see the power of control?
- Yes!
314
00:17:17,120 --> 00:17:19,759
Then tell me your PIN number
and pull your shorts down!
315
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,358
- What?!
- Do it!
316
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:24,914
1-9-6-8!
317
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,393
Beef!
318
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:28,919
Beef!
319
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:43,277
- I've been arrested.
- Clearly, Jo.
320
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,717
- Foraging. It's mental.
- Jo, they told me what you did.
321
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:51,594
Stealing a frozen chicken from a shop
can never be classified as a forage!
322
00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:55,315
- It's a modern forage.
- It's not a modern forage, Jo. You stole!
323
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:58,557
Don't wind me up!
Just let me do the talking.
324
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:03,028
Well, well.
325
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,672
Oh, God!
326
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,075
- You.
- Yes, it is.
327
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,315
It's amazing the levels of responsibility
we're given, isn't it?
328
00:18:10,360 --> 00:18:12,954
Can I remind you,
it was my friend who insulted you.
329
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,877
I don't know what you're talking about.
330
00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,957
Now, you, chicken theft - very serious.
331
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,514
- I was foraging!
- I said leave it to me. Shut up!
332
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:23,279
Look, mate, she's a nutter. Let her go.
333
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:27,711
Brian! I'm not a nutter! I was hungry.
Why are you so angry?!
334
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,558
I came as quickly as I could.
What's happened?
335
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,272
Forage nightmare, Dan.
336
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,038
Oh... Hello, Officer.
337
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:37,629
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Might have known
you'd be involved in this little debacle.
338
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:39,511
Now, let's process this... king theft.
339
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,039
Theft?
340
00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,799
Jo stole a frozen chicken
from the supermarket.
341
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:46,349
OK.
342
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,518
I'll handle this.
343
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:03,314
I don't think we need to pursue this
any more, do we, Officer?
344
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:06,636
I beg your pardon, I think you'll find
a crime has been committed.
345
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:07,749
- Ohh!
- Hey!
346
00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,268
Hey, come on.
347
00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,834
Come on.
348
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,032
There.
349
00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,719
Mmm!
350
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,637
Ooh, that's it.
351
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,110
Mmm, yeah!
352
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:27,038
What's your favourite memory? Oh!
353
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:30,390
When they gave me
the big special hat with a badge.
354
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:34,228
- Yeah, hat, mmm.
- Like a proper grown-up policeman.
355
00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:36,635
- Mmm.
- A big boy!
356
00:19:36,680 --> 00:19:40,195
Mmm, yeah, a big boy! Ooh!
357
00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,199
We don't need to keep
this silly girl, Officer.
358
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:46,390
Ooh!
359
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:49,000
Let her go, yeah. Ooh.
360
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:50,712
Mmm, yeah.
361
00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:53,509
OK.
362
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,357
You can get your things.
363
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:58,915
But don't be involved
in anything so silly again, OK?
364
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:04,749
Take your trousers down
and tell me your PIN number.
365
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,392
6-0-7-9.
366
00:20:12,440 --> 00:20:14,112
Into the cells.
367
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,958
Yeah!
368
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,358
Oh, my God!
369
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,516
- You saw Dominic?
- Yeah!
370
00:20:23,560 --> 00:20:24,913
He gave you the one-to-one.
371
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:28,111
Yes! He was right. I'm going to be fine.
372
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,948
You got the one-to-one?!
I can't fucking believe it!
373
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:35,709
- Brian, calm down.
- Oh, fuck this! And fuck you!
374
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:41,110
Weird.
375
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:42,434
Very weird.
376
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,791
Are you? Are you still coming back
to mine for the house-warming?
377
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,432
I've, er...
378
00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:51,638
...still got a potato.
379
00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:54,513
I'd love to, Jo.
380
00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,472
I'm going to get my life back on track.
381
00:20:57,520 --> 00:20:59,397
Mmm, yeah.
382
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,637
Are you all right?
383
00:21:07,680 --> 00:21:09,477
I'm much more than all right.
384
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:11,629
What?
385
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:14,035
Naomi, we're going to be OK!
386
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:15,911
- Dan...
- Sorry, I...
387
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:17,393
I mean, I'm cured.
388
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:18,555
- Dan...
- I mean...
389
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,274
It's going to take me a long time
to harness the power of the control,
390
00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:24,914
- but I think I... I think I'm different.
- Dan!
391
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,632
Sorry, I'm talking. I'll stop.
392
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,511
Because I can stop whenever I like,
and then I can start,
393
00:21:28,560 --> 00:21:30,198
and then I can stop again.
394
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,151
I'm seeing someone.
395
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,350
- What?!
- I've been...
396
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,197
I'm seeing someone.
397
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:06,958
Well.
398
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,911
I...
399
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,598
have shat myself.
400
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:14,031
Apologies.
401
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,116
I have had an awful lot of cranberry.
402
00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:19,878
And I'm very tired!
403
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,151
Hello, darling.
404
00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:36,997
You're in my bed again.
405
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,991
A man is at his most vulnerable
in his bed, Daniel.
406
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,076
This is where you need a friend.
407
00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:48,553
You fucking nutter!
408
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,956
You're upset. What happened?
409
00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,310
I explosively shat cranberry
in front of my ex.
410
00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:57,510
Oh, sweetheart!
411
00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:02,873
OK, get a good night's sleep.
It'll all seem better in the morning.
412
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:05,879
Spoons?
413
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:07,751
Yep.
414
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,596
Ooh!
415
00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:26,500
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