All language subtitles for How.I.Met.Your.Mother.S05E22.720p.HDTV.ReEnc-Max

Guess what I've got behind my back.

Wait, wait, wait,
I got this one. Left.

Wrong game. But correct.

Five front-row tickets

to Robots vs. Wrestlers.

- Robots vs. Wrestlers?
- That is awesome!

- You've heard of Robots vs. Wrestlers?
- Never.

We assume it's a sort of sporting event
that pits robots against wrestlers!

That's exactly what it is,
according to the Web site!

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Who's the fifth ticket for?

I know,
she moved in with her boyfriend

and said she doesn't want
to hang out with us,

But this is Robots vs. Wrestlers.

Barney is right.
It's impossible to say no to that.

No to that. I wish I could, but
I have plans with Don on Saturday.

He's making me Chinese.

I'll assume you're talking about food,
Otherwise I've some follow-up questions.

I'm sorry, but I got to give this thing
with Don a chance.

I can't do that if I'm out drinking
with you guys every single night.

Especially when "you guys"
includes two of my ex-boyfriends.

I understand.
You're right.

It's just we all really miss you.

I miss you, too.

Listen, I got to go.
Talk soon?

Sorry, New York, I had to take that.
Now, where were we?

Yeah. Yes. Bus crash.

She said no?

How could she say no?

Robots vs. Wrestlers is
our most important tradition as a group.

Tradition?
We've never done this before?

It's Robots vs. Wrestlers, Lily.
How is that not gonna be a tradition?

This is how it starts.

First Robin moves in with Don,
then Marshall and Lily have a baby,

- Then Ted...
- Gets married?

I was gonna say, "is found alone
in his apartment devoured by his cats,"

but either way, not pretty.

Everyone's leaving me,
and I don't like it!

Barney, you don't have to worry
about Marshall and me having kids.

That's a long way down the road.

Exactly, it's down the road,
a medium way.

- A medium-long way.
- I mean, you can see it ahead.

In the vast, vast distance.

- But you're seeing exit signs for it.
- Really? I didn't see any.

You might want to get
in the right lane.

I understand how you feel.

Friendships are important.

In fact, Emerson wrote

a great poem entitled "friendship."

You are gonna love this.

"A ruddy drop of manly blood,
the surging sea outweighs..."

That's how it had
always been for me with the gang.

Any time I tried to get
a little high-minded.

You guys,
you've got to try this Syrah.

Hints of creme de cassis,
red berries,

toasty oak...

Five letters, blank baritone.

Of course! Lyric baritone!

Which is actually higher
than a dramatic baritone.

You know, there's a telling moment
in the second act of la Boheme...

Guys, come on, I'm just trying to add
a little class to these proceedings.

It's like that line
From Dante's inferno.

"Consider your origins:
you were not born to live like brutes."

"But to follow virtue
and knowledge""

Or...

In the original Italian...

Synchro: ShalimarFox, JoJo13

.:: www.sous-titres.eu::.

You are right. I'm totally overreacting
to this whole Robin thing.

What's that?
Is this a wedding invitation?

Robin's marrying Don.
I'm gonna die alone!

Ted's gonna get eaten by cats!

Relax, it's for Marissa Heller.

Marissa Heller?
She sounds hot.

Face, boobs, describe.
Start with boobs.

Who was Marissa Heller?

That mystery began
when Marshall and I first moved in.

We got our first mail delivery!

We are popular.

We've got a golf magazine for...

We've got a wicker
furniture catalog, also for her,

And... a coupon for a bird store...

addressed to Marissa Heller or
stay with me...

"Current occupant." That's us!

- We've got mail!
- Fantastic!

She must be the woman
who lived here before us.

I wonder what she was like.

And just like that,
a picture began to take shape...

a picture of Marissa Heller,
the golfer...

... Marissa Heller,
the wicker catalog shopper...

Marissa Heller, the bird owner.

And since then, with each
piece of mail we've gotten,

the picture's become
a little clearer.

The only thing we don't know
is what she looks like.

I guess I'll forward this along
like I've been forwarding...

- Just open it.
- Okay.

It's an invitation
to Jefferson Van Smoot's

annual spring social
this Saturday night...

In the penthouse apartment
of the Alberta!

You guys... That's the most
beautiful building in Manhattan!

We got to go to this party.

That depends, does it say
anything on that invitation

about robots battling wrestlers
for intergalactic supremacy?

No, but it says open bar.

Revised agenda for Saturday night:

free booze at Marissa Heller's party,
then Robots vs. Wrestlers.

One of us just needs to pretend
to be Marissa Heller.

Guys, I'm flattered,
but I think Lily should do it.

So the big night arrived.

Our first stop...

The Alberta building.

This building is amazing!

Did you guys see the Porte Cochere
and the Terra-cotta pandrels outside?

I just got a text from Robin.
It says...

Okay, guys, huddle up.

Now, Lil, you can do this,
all you have to do

is look that guy in the eye,
say your name is Marissa Heller,

and we are golden. And again,
just so we're clear, no accent.

Are we sure
she's not British, isn't it?

All right! Here I go.

Sorry.

Go ahead.

I'm here for the Van Smoot party.

My name is Marissa Heller.

Bollocks.

So that's Marissa Heller.

She fine.

Her teeth look really nice.
She must be remembering

to go to the dentist even without those
reminder postcards.

So, what are we doing?

I'm getting us into
the party, that's what!

We met at that gathering for...

bird owners.

I don't think so.

- Wicker lovers?
- No.

Stinson out.
Guys, it's not gonna happen.

I got this.

You know, this elevator
still uses the same mechanism

from when it was first
installed in 1906.

Rumor is,

Louis Lamar Skolnick, the architect who
designed this building,

carved these panels himself.

A Skolnick fan?

I love his juxtaposition between

the north German
renaissance exterior...

And the decidedly French
influence on the inside! I know!

He was an architect
with the soul of a poet, really.

No, no, no, don't, don't.
It's working.

I've a confession to make.

We're not on the guest list,

but... I've always wanted to see
the inside of the Alberta.

Well, then right this way.

We're all together.

Told you I'd get us in.

So...

Anyone been watching
the young and the restless?

Awesome! Who ordered
soap opera illustrated?

Marissa Heller, I like your style.

Anyone?

Am I to understand that there isn't

a single soap opera fan
in this entire elevator?

I don't own a TV.

The only operas I watch
are at the met.

Dibs.

Excuse me.

Jefferson, darling.

I am not dressed for this.

One word, made up:

"douche-pocalypse""

Guys...
That's Peter Bogdanovich

Talking to Arianna Huffington
and Will Shortz,

editor of the New
York times crossword!

Let's give this party a chance.
There's free food, free booze.

20 minutes, then we can leave.

But, you see, music was changing,

and Giovanni Artusi
simply didn't understand

the new style of composing.

Excuse me, are you
talking about Monteverdi

and his fourth book of madrigals?

My dear chap, what else?

That's my favorite
book of madrigals!

Smoked Foie gras

with caramelized mango
and cr�me fraiche?

Do you have anything in the
mini cheeseburger department?

I don't think so, sir.

Mini pizzas?
Little cups of fries?

Any food at all
that'll make me feel like a giant?

I'll check, sir.

He's not gonna check.

I'm performing open-heart surgery
on the Dutch ambassador in the morning.

I hope he pulls through.

Really?

A colleague of mine
just prescribed cumadin to him.

And there's no way
she'd be on anticoagulants

If she were about
to undergo surgery.

Just...

You know who published
a great article

on Walt Whitman
and the politics of semantics?

Professor Hammersmith of Oxford.

I am Professor Hammersmith.

Which is exactly what Truffaut
was talking about

In his 1954 article
in Cahiers Du Cin�ma.

Film is an auteur's medium
full stop.

Movies...

Right?

Actors.

Willem Dafoe.

Funny thing about Willem Dafoe,
his name

kind of sounds like a frog...

Talking to a parrot.

Willem.

Defoe!

As undersecretary of the treasury,

I had a big hand in crafting
that legislation.

Now...

I wonder If you'd like to join me
in the map room

and give my package some stimulus.

I'm afraid not, darling.
You are too old for my taste.

Zsa Zsa Gabor is still looking
pretty hot, but otherwise,

this party sucks.

Yeah, we gave it a chance.
It's been 20 minutes.

Let's get out of here. Where's Ted?

I know how to find him.

Gongs, right?

Louder than you think.

Young man,

that gong is a 500-year-old relic

that hasn't been struck
since W.S. Gilbert hit it

at the London premiere
of the Mikado in 1885.

Wife is a 500 year relic that hasn't
been struck since W.S. Gilbert hit it

at the London premiere
of the Mikado in 1885.

Will Schorz, editor
of the Times' crossword.

You know how I've been saying
they always use ulee from Ulee's gold

because of the vowels?
Tell 'em, will.

It's because of the vowels.

Ted, can I talk to you?

Ten-letter-word
for diminutive egg-based torte?

Mini-quiche?
Where?

Right there.

Such a great party.
Such a Great party!

Yeah, totally, Ted. It's time to go.
It's Robots vs. Wrestlers o'clock.

There you are.

We'll be blind taste-testing
French whites in a bit.

Should be a hoot and a half.

Well, I decan't miss that.

I know. You don't have to say it.
You don't decant white wine.

Miss Lily in the living room
with the candlestick.

My heavens, no!

- That was Edgar Allan Poe's!
- Sorry!

I'm having fun here, so I think
I'm gonna skip Robots vs. Wrestlers.

But Ted, you've never missed
Robots vs. Wrestlers!

Ted, this isn't happening.

First Robin ditches us, and now you?

And for these stuffy,
pretentious snoots?

Actually, I kind of like these stuffy,
pretentious snoots.

They don't make fart noises
when I open my mouth.

I'm going to stay.
I'll see you guys tomorrow.

- Come on. It's just one night.
- It doesn't mean anything.

It means everything.
Ted, if you don't come

to Robots vs. Wrestlers,

it's the end of our friendship.

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

Fine.

Then you are out
of our gang forever.

You can reapply in two years.

Let's go watch
Wrestlers fight robots.

So embarrassing.
I forgot something.

So Ted, where did those chums
of yours scoot off to?

You know.

Poetry reading.

Best tradition ever!

Don't humor me, Marshall.

Let's face it.
The gang is over.

Ted's gone. Robin's gone. We might
as well just go our separate ways.

Barney, enough
with a abandonment issues.

Ted's allowed to have a life
outside of the group. We all are.

Wait a minute.

Why are you saying
that all of a sudden?

God, you're pregnant!

God, you already had the baby!

It's right behind me, isn't it?

No, you idiot.
It's just,

eventually, we're all gonna move on.

It's called growing up.

Is that all you got, bitch?

Can you at least promise me that
you won't get pregnant for another year?

- I can't make that promise.
- You can't?

You can't?

Citrus

and honeycomb flavors
with crisp acidity.

It's a Sauv blanc, Loire valley.

Town of Sancerre.

Correct again!

Bravo, boy!

You can't have kids!

You don't want to bring a child
into this crazy, messed-up world.

I don't know. The world
seems pretty awesome right now.

Lily, you leave me no choice.

If you have a daughter,

the day, nay,
the minute she turns 18...

Babies.

I hope Ted is miserable right now.

Constance fry,

Constance fry

Anytime you'd call

Constance would fulfill your needs

Winter, spring

Or fall

Ted, your lyric baritone
is outstanding.

Thank you, Will Shortz.

Fine, you guys can have a baby,

One: You promise to always love me
more than the baby

Two:

Once a month,
I get to use the baby to pick up chick.

Three:

that may involve

the baby falling from a two-story window
and me heroically catching it.

Four:

No breastfeeding in front of me.

Five: Forget about four.
You can whip them out whenever you want.

And then,
something amazing happened.

Holy crap!

I don't believe it.

Of course, hell
is an interesting concept, isn't it?

I've always loved to imagine it

as Dante did in the divine comedy.

If you'll allow me.

In the original Italian.

I cannot believe this.

I'm reciting the divine comedy

In its original Italian,
and nobody's making fart noises!

This is weird.
Never gotten this far.

I actually sound kind of douchey.

My God, I'm out of control!

Listen to me.
I'm completely unleashed.

I'm the biggest douche
on the planet.

I wish somebody would stop me.

And then, somebody did.

Kids, I think I told you
how earlier that year,

we had seen some doppelgangers
of ourselves around town.

There was lesbian Robin.

There was moustache Marshall.

And, of course, stripper Lily.

That night,

One more doppelganger surfaced...

Mexican wrestler Ted.

Soy el conquistador de las m�quinas!

I got to go.

Rule number 83.

If anything that comes out of that baby
gets on one of my suits,

I get to touch Lily's boobs.

What is it with you
and my wife's boobs tonight?

I don't make the rules.

Baby, are you really starting
to think about this?

I don't know.

Maybe a little.

For whatever it's worth,
I think that we're ready.

We love each other,
we're financially stable,

and honestly, I don't think It would
change our lifestyle all that much.

Aunt Lily still likes to remind
uncle Marshall he once said this.

If we were at home
with a baby tonight,

we never would have seen
Ted's doppelganger.

Imagine missing that.
How would that feel?

I would blame that child
for the rest of his life.

Exactly.
For the rest of her life.

You're right.
There's, there's no hurry.

How about this?

We agree there's no sense
in having a baby

until we've seen all five doppelgangers,
right?

Of course. Stands to reason.

So when we finally see
Barney's doppelganger,

that's the universe telling us
it's go time.

And that's when we'll start trying.
Deal?

Deal.

Well, well,

look who thinks
he can just waltz in here

and be part of the gang again.

- Well, you can forget it.
- Listen, Barney, I...

Please be part of the gang again!

I don't want to lose anyone else!
We're all really sorry.

We'll even let you recite
all the douchey poems you want,

and we'll never, never say
a bad thing about it, I promise.

Really?

Because there actually
is a poem I'd like to recite.

"Friendship" by Ralph Waldo Emerson.

"A ruddy drop of manly blood,

"The surging sea outweighs.

"The world uncertain comes
and goes..."

Sorry. Someone had to do that.

- Who wants another drink? I'm buying.
- Kids,

I'd love to tell you that over years,
we didn't all drift apart a little

at one time or another. You don't mean
for it to happen,

but it does.

But no matter what, to this day,

Come hell or high water,

we still all get together every year
for Robots vs. Wrestlers.

Good night! Thanks a lot.
I had a great time.