Original subtitles

Jester: hey, welcome back, my friends

Here's where our season ends

It's getting heavy now on "Galavant"

- Man: Enough! - [Music stops]

Tensions are high, and maybe take five?

Sorry. I was just catching people up.

All right, gang.

I realize now that I've been going about

getting us out of here the wrong way.

I was thinking of big, strong hero moves,

but, um...

Well, I think that was just ego stuff.

[Clears throat]

So I've come up with a plan

that involves gaining King Richard's confidence

using my wits.

We believe in you, Galavant. We trust you.

- Right, everyone? - Mm...

No, he's got this.

Galavant's the complete package,

and I for one am finally just throwing my arms in the air

and giving in to it.

[Gasps] Are they gonna kiss?

Yeah, they are.

Thank you so much.

- Hi. - [Sighs]

So, if you keep ignoring

the Russian bathhouse-like steam surrounding you and Isabella,

you could find yourself in the permanent friend zone.

So are you gonna, as they say...

"Kiss de girl," huh?

[Sighs]

[Groans] I don't know what's wrong with me, Sid.

This thing with her is just so big.

I feel like a kiss with Isabella could just go on forever.

What has happened to you?

[Metal clangs]

Gareth: 2:00. Time for lunch.

Enjoy yourselves.

You can have the fat one.

Wait a minute.

Gareth...

What?

I demand an audience with the king.

Oh, do you?

And what makes you think he'll grant you that?

'Cause I've got some very mean gossip about Madalena.

And you think the king's gonna drop everything

just to hear some scuttlebutt about some girl?

She's got feet like a 90-year-old troll.

[Laughs] It's delicious!

No, it's disgusting.

She's got bunions, gnarled knuckles, warts.

- No. - Oh, yeah.

That's why she wears her socks in bed. [Laughs]

I haven't laughed so hard in minutes.

Anyway, the point is, we've both been scorned by the same woman.

I just thought you'd like to know that.

Good night...

Unless you want to get a drink.

That's an interesting proposition.

Little guy time between frenemies

burnt by the same flame, bros before hos, all that.

No, I don't think so.

The king needs to get his sleep.

Gareth, why do you always have to poop on the party?

Maybe because you've got to fight me to the death

in the morning,

or maybe that your brother has decided

that I'm gonna be his champion, and for the first time ever,

you've decided to fight one of your own battles,

and your whole kingdom's at stake.

Does that ring any bells?

Aw, you worried about me, Gar-bear?

Don't call me that.

Well, I'm so sorry if I upset you

the night before you'll probably kill me!

This sucks.

Gareth, do you remember the lullaby

Pearl used to sing to us when we were boys?

Pearl was our nanny.

Old woman, sweet face, big, gigantic boobs.

Come on, man, you must remember.

Lay by my side and we'll sail away

Off to the shores of another day

Good night.

Well, fine!

I didn't want to sing the stupid song with you anyway!

[Door closes]

Let's have that drink.

Shall we?

Synced and corrected by Berkersever www.addic7ed.com

You must have felt badly.

Madalena absolutely destroyed me.

Drink up, drink up.

I couldn't get out of bed.

I didn't play my lute for weeks.

What, you think you've got it bad?

Madalena and I never even...

Well, let's just say

she never let me walk through her garden.

I don't follow.

I never pollinated her flower.

What?

Are we talking about the same Madalena?

Yes!

But you were married.

You didn't insist?

I'm not an animal.

I mean, sure, I'll kidnap a woman

and force her to marry me,

but after that, I'm all about a woman's rights.

I'm a modern, 13th-century man.

Good for you. Cheers to that.

Thank you very much.

You know, the truth be told,

I've always sort of felt that that business

should never happen until two people

really love each other, you know?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I never loved anyone until I loved Madalena,

and so that's why I'm...

I've never actually walked in anyone's garden.

But you're the king.

That's right.

I am the king, so watch your mouth, boy.

[Sighs] I'm sorry I barked at you.

See? This is why I don't have guy friends.

Hey, it's all right, it's all right.

- You're under a lot of pressure. - I know.

Brother's trying to steal your kingdom.

He's trying to steal your lady,

put you against your best friend.

Times are tough. Drink up.

- Here, let's... let's play a game. - Hmm?

- Let's just say there's this standing king. - Mm-hmm.

And his evil, treacherous brother

comes into town,

- and we wanted to sort of "take care" of him. - Mm-hmm.

- I don't know, like, say, tonight. - Mm-hmm.

Do you think anyone would care?

I don't follow.

Kill your brother.

What?!

Have you gone absolutely mad?

What do you expect me to do,

just sneak into Kingsley's bedchamber

and slice his throat while he sleeps?

What, in this outfit?!

Yes.

[Gasps]

Everyone, I'm going to kill my brother!

Drinks are on me!

[All cheer]

Right. Fill her up.

There we go.

Oh...

oh...

We're off on a secret mission

We've got us a secret plan

We're going to go and slay your bro

As quietly as we can

We'll sneak up and then surprise him

Before he has time to think

We're off and away

But first, another drink

Da-Da, Da-Da, Da, Da

We're off on a secret mission

A totally secret scheme

We'll slyly do in your next of kin

And quietly make him scream

We've got to be swift and stealthy

So none will raise a stink

We're off on our way, but first, another drink

Da-Da, Da-Da, Da, Da

A secret, secret, hush, hush, hush

Secret, secret

[Insects chirping]

Oh, we're off on a secret mission

It's some kind of secret plot

We're gonna go

yeah

And then...

exactly

Who are we?

I forgot

Ooh, ooh, we're gonna go kill the...

Someone

my brother!

The rat

the fink!

Shh! Lower your voice!

Hey, w-what are all these dudes doing

in front of Madalena's room for?

Yeah, what is it? A party?

T-the queen's interviewing new consorts.

Madalena: Next!

Oh, God. She's the worst.

Hey, you know what?

The queen is really proud of her feet.

Mm. Yeah, yeah.

Ask her to take her socks off.

Ask to kiss her feet.

[Laughs] That's an order from your king.

Oh...

Secret, secret

30th verse, same as the first

Whoa. There's some serious acoustics down here.

Hey, everybody!

Whoa. It looks like someone couldn't do anything

if I went like this!

[Laughs]

Stop it! I'm ticklish!

[Sighs]

Hi, pretty Izzy.

Oh, you're so pretty.

But not just face, your brain.

It's like your beautiful brain exploded all over your face.

Are you drunk?

Mommy.

Hey, I'm so excited about Isabella getting older.

Way to keep it high and tight.

Oh, look, it's the little stickman in the red.

- Hello. - He remembered you!

[Sighs] I should have just kissed you.

I should have kissed you ages ago.

Yeah, well, um, maybe we should talk about this tomorrow.

Okay, bye-bye.

Yes, and we will, and we're gonna kiss,

and it's gonna be one of those forever sort of kisses.

Tell her, Sid. Didn't I say that earlier?

When I sat down over there, I said it, didn't I?

Burned into my brain, sir.

You see?

Boop!

Okay, I've got to go kill a king.

I beg of you, sire, stop it!

Bye, everybody!

Thank you, thank you!

It was fun! You try it!

Oh...

We're off on a secret mission

To finally kill my sib

And now that we're in his bedroom

Hey, before we do this thing,

I just want to say thanks for tonight.

I really needed to get out.

Just focus!

You want to kill him in the head,

or do you want to kill him in the neck?

Right. Here we go.

Hey! Oh, and promise me you're not gonna say anything

to anyone about that thing I said.

What thing? About me being a virgin.

Kingsley: I think we've heard enough.

- Oh, no. - [Laughing] Oh!

My dear, little, dinky brother, untouched by war and women.

[Laughter]

I mean, what I meant was virgin slayer.

[Laughter]

You're [Bleep]

throw lover boy in a dungeon.

[Laughter] So mean.

Oh, and you won't be needing this.

[Gasps] My crown!

He stole my crown.

Keep your chin up. Don't let them see you cry.

Never let them see you cry.

Gareth, I assume you like women.

If you fight for me, I will give you land, a title,

and as many women as you desire.

What's your type?

Either really fat or really skinny,

nothing in between.

I'll give you fat and skinny.

I'll get back to you.

Awesome.

[Door opens]

Richard: It was so rude!

Who does that to my favorite crown?

Did you know that? I got it for my birthday!

- Galavant... - Izzy, you're so pretty.

Oh, well, at least he stopped talking.

Yeah, it's great. Yeah. About time.

I failed in my mission, Gareth,

and now it's our last night

before we have to duel to the death.

Come on, let's sing Pearl's song together,

for old times' sake.

Shut up.

I've told you your whole life to grow a pair,

and you just won't listen, and now you're gonna die for it.

Even though I'm the one who's gonna kill you,

it's not my fault!

It's not my fault!

I warned you!

[Door slams]

[Lock clicks]

I know you did, my friend.

Lay by my side and we'll sail away

Off to the shores of another day

All set to go once I hear you say

"Good night, my friend, until the morning"

Up we will float as we close our eyes

Stars all around us, like fireflies

Just me and you, drifting through the skies

Good night, my friend

Not a thought

Ah-ah

Not a care

Ah-ah

Resting safe and sound

With each other there

And so we'll rock on our nighttime ride

Cozy and warm on the rolling tide

Till we arrive on the morning side

At journey's end

Good night

Sleep tight

We're gonna be all right

Good night, my friend

Good morning, sunshine.

Ow.

Hi.

How are you?

Oh, God. Ow.

Rough night?

I don't remember what happened.

You said her pretty brain exploded

and went all over her face.

And you tried to kiss her.

You were a bit of a mess, sir.

A big, hot mess.

[Sighs]

Well, that's the least of our problems.

I think I might have ruined our only chance,

and now I don't know what to do.

Good thing I do. Wake up, sire.

We've come to get you out of here.

Oh, God.

Well, I knew you cared.

Take him outside.

This place is horrible.

All right, everyone, take only the bare essentials.

We can always pick up odds and ends on the road.

None of you are coming, except you.

What? You're coming with me.

I'm not going anywhere, not without everyone in here.

You don't have a choice, son.

Listen, I remember what I said last night,

and I meant every word.

I think you're the most wonderful...

[angelic singing]

I think I'm falling in love.

[Gasps]

Nice kiss. I hope he remembers it.

Come on, you.

Galavant, no!

Please, Gareth!

Princess, as long as Galavant's alive,

we stand a chance of being rescued.

[Door slams]

What's this?

Where am I?

These pirates will take you and the king

back to his kingdom, where he'll be safe.

What? No.

I'm not leaving her.

I'm going back.

I've left word with my men.

You step one foot in that castle

and everyone you love gets the ax.

No more games, Galavant.

Listen, Gareth, I'm moved, but I've made my bed,

and for once, I should lie in it.

- You get in that boat. - No, Gareth.

I know you're doing this because you love me.

I don't love you. I don't even like you.

No one here likes you, so go.

Well, now you're just being mean to me so I'll go.

You're self-centered, self-absorbed,

and you wear too much velvet.

Now you're just going into a lot of specific details,

so I'll believe you.

You have a skinny left calf and a crooked...

Okay, okay, fine. I'll go.

But you're not fooling anyone.

Go on. And you.

Not one hair.

I give you my word.

And know this... I will return for them.

Justice will be done.

I'm excited for you,

but let me give you a couple of instructions.

He can't sleep at night

if he ain't got a second pillow to hug.

Dairy makes him gassy.

And if he gets cross, give him some salty snacks.

It's good for his electrolytes.

But if one hair on his head gets harmed,

I will hunt you down, I will gut you,

and I will use your skin as a lap blanket.

Do you understand?

We have a deal.

Man: All right, shove off, me hearties.

Pirates: Arrr!

Good night, my friend

[Bell ringing]

What in God's name is going on here?!

Galavant and King Richard have gone.

We don't know where they are.

Find them or I'll eat your firstborn for breakfast.

He's behind this. I know it.

Where have you been?

I'm sorry, milady, I must have slept in.

Oh, really?

Well, why don't you help yourself wake up

by going down to the dungeon and killing everyone who's left?

Okay. It will be my pleasure.

Okay, here's the plan.

One of you is gonna knock me out and take my keys.

What? You're not going to kill us?

I keep my promises,

and I promised your little lover boy

that I'd take care of you.

So who's first?

Come on.

Next.

[Grunts]

Die!

Next.

[Grunting]

[Breathing heavily]

[Sighs]

Just take the keys and go.

Not you. You're coming with me.

Sid: Why?

I think I'll keep you for insurance.

Just go! I'll be fine. Just get everyone to safety.

I'll come back for you.

[Voice breaking] Please do! So scared!

Gareth, did you kill everyone who needed to be killed?

No, milady.

What kind of kingdom are you running here?

A henchman that doesn't kill,

a queen who does nothing about it.

This place has gone soft...

Turns out he wasn't my type.

You just got a promotion.

Sit.

You're gonna have to either lose or gain a lot of weight.

[Seagulls crying]

We had nowhere else to go.

You really hurt my feelings, Izzy.

I don't think I want to be your future husband anymore.

I'm sorry.

- But... - Just kidding!

Come on in!

Let's get to know each other, my future wife.

So happy you came.

I built a room just for you, my perfect, pretty princess.

You see, it's not so bad.

It's for you...

To live in forever.

Everyone say bye-bye to Izzy.

Oh, boy.

[Door clanking]

Jester: our season ends right there

With questions everywhere

Like will the princess waste her whole life waiting?

Will Gareth and the Queen

Rule the entire scene?

Will all this singing kill our Nielsen ratings?

Sid, the peasants, the entire crew

Will they be back for season two?

Who knows?

But if there are more shows

Then off our hero goes

And so the legend grows

The legend known as Galavant

What, what?

Eh, it's you.

This will be fun.

Make the best of it, right?

It's like a buddy trip.

What are those... fables? [Muttering]

Buddy... buddy books, buddy fables?

This'll be a good time.

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