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1
00:00:00,987 --> 00:00:02,521
Galavant: Behold, my fellow travelers.
2
00:00:02,522 --> 00:00:05,157
Today, we cross the winding straits
3
00:00:05,158 --> 00:00:09,126
to the rocky river
to the shores of Valencia.
4
00:00:09,128 --> 00:00:11,196
No, I wouldn't take the rocky river route.
5
00:00:11,197 --> 00:00:13,131
There are rumors of thieves and bandits.
6
00:00:13,132 --> 00:00:14,833
I don't care about bandits.
7
00:00:14,834 --> 00:00:18,636
I'm Galavant, and Galavant will
be deterred by no foe in his...
8
00:00:18,637 --> 00:00:20,638
Who ate all the raisins
out of the trail mix?
9
00:00:20,639 --> 00:00:22,774
I hate cashews, and Brazil nuts are gross.
10
00:00:22,775 --> 00:00:24,943
You know what?
11
00:00:24,944 --> 00:00:27,545
Heroes get the raisins.
And they choose the path.
12
00:00:27,546 --> 00:00:29,748
That's just the way it goes.
13
00:00:29,749 --> 00:00:33,017
Look, can we just hold it
together for a few more days?
14
00:00:33,018 --> 00:00:34,812
We've been doing so well, right?
15
00:00:34,814 --> 00:00:36,821
- Right.
- Right.
16
00:00:36,822 --> 00:00:38,623
We eat together
17
00:00:38,624 --> 00:00:40,124
We drink together
18
00:00:40,125 --> 00:00:43,094
We work in perfect sync together
19
00:00:43,095 --> 00:00:43,945
We smile
20
00:00:43,947 --> 00:00:45,130
-
Frown
-
Blink
21
00:00:45,131 --> 00:00:48,600
All:
Together completely
22
00:00:48,601 --> 00:00:51,970
We walk together, in time together
23
00:00:51,971 --> 00:00:53,171
-
Can't help
-
Yelp
24
00:00:53,172 --> 00:00:54,939
-
Kelp
- A0ll:
But rhyme together
25
00:00:54,940 --> 00:01:00,411
Our voices chime together so neatly
26
00:01:00,412 --> 00:01:03,948
And togetherness is what we do
27
00:01:03,949 --> 00:01:06,784
Together, me and him and you
28
00:01:06,785 --> 00:01:09,187
-
Like rock
-
And scissors
29
00:01:09,188 --> 00:01:11,422
And paper
30
00:01:11,423 --> 00:01:13,257
And stuck together
31
00:01:13,258 --> 00:01:14,592
All day together
32
00:01:14,593 --> 00:01:17,695
We're in each other's way together
33
00:01:17,696 --> 00:01:20,531
Our quirks are on display together
34
00:01:20,532 --> 00:01:23,234
Or nearly
35
00:01:23,235 --> 00:01:26,904
All:
But togetherness
will see us through
36
00:01:26,905 --> 00:01:29,707
Unless I kill the other two
37
00:01:29,708 --> 00:01:32,844
Both:
Or we kill her together
38
00:01:32,845 --> 00:01:35,680
But there's some things we don't share
39
00:01:35,681 --> 00:01:40,017
Like the way I've kind of
sort of totally played him
40
00:01:40,018 --> 00:01:44,255
Oh, God, I've betrayed him
41
00:01:44,256 --> 00:01:47,725
And there's some things we don't share
42
00:01:47,726 --> 00:01:53,397
Like I'm kind of sort of
always thinking about her
43
00:01:53,398 --> 00:01:57,401
Or like how you both ignore me
all of the...
44
00:01:57,402 --> 00:01:59,904
Both:
Each day together's
a chore together
45
00:01:59,905 --> 00:02:01,972
-
A belching
-
Nagging
46
00:02:01,973 --> 00:02:03,374
-
Bore
- all:
Together
47
00:02:03,375 --> 00:02:06,744
Both:
then listening to her
snore together
48
00:02:06,745 --> 00:02:08,412
[Snores]
49
00:02:08,413 --> 00:02:11,816
It's like she's a bear.
50
00:02:11,817 --> 00:02:15,319
All:
But together, though,
is what we'll be
51
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:18,289
For what feels like eternity
52
00:02:18,290 --> 00:02:19,824
-
Together
-
Me
53
00:02:19,825 --> 00:02:21,392
-
And me
-
And me
54
00:02:21,393 --> 00:02:24,295
All:
As one
55
00:02:24,296 --> 00:02:26,931
As one
56
00:02:26,932 --> 00:02:30,334
As one!
57
00:02:30,335 --> 00:02:36,340
Both:
As...
As o-o-o-one!
58
00:02:36,341 --> 00:02:38,171
- That is so typical.
- What's typical?
59
00:02:38,173 --> 00:02:40,109
I thought you said I was gonna
have the big finish this time.
60
00:02:40,111 --> 00:02:41,345
It was supposed to be my turn afterwards.
61
00:02:41,346 --> 00:02:43,180
- It's never your turn.
- Well, no, that's...
62
00:02:43,181 --> 00:02:44,348
[Horse neighs]
63
00:02:44,349 --> 00:02:45,582
Bandits.
64
00:02:45,583 --> 00:02:48,685
- If only someone had warned us.
- Yeah, well, you snore.
65
00:02:48,686 --> 00:02:49,750
[Scoffs]
66
00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:51,187
Galavant - 01x04
Comedy Gold
67
00:02:51,188 --> 00:02:53,188
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
68
00:02:56,855 --> 00:03:00,524
I've got something else
you can do with your hands.
69
00:03:00,525 --> 00:03:02,359
[Chuckles]
70
00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:04,028
[Indistinct conversations]
71
00:03:04,029 --> 00:03:07,640
I cannot believe My Queen is
cheating on me with that joker.
72
00:03:07,642 --> 00:03:09,142
He's a jester, sir.
73
00:03:09,144 --> 00:03:10,801
I know he's a jester, Gareth.
74
00:03:10,802 --> 00:03:12,546
I was insulting him
by calling him a joker,
75
00:03:12,548 --> 00:03:14,439
like when you call someone a clown.
76
00:03:14,439 --> 00:03:17,541
- But people like clowns.
- Damn it, man! Would you just let me vent?!
77
00:03:19,062 --> 00:03:21,879
I think I know why Madalena
likes him more than me.
78
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:23,848
[Both laugh] He's funny.
79
00:03:23,849 --> 00:03:26,217
How do I compete with that?
80
00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:29,854
Well, funny's easy. I mean, I'm funny.
81
00:03:29,855 --> 00:03:30,888
Really?
82
00:03:30,889 --> 00:03:33,391
- Yeah. Knock, knock.
- Who's there?
83
00:03:33,392 --> 00:03:34,892
He's a [Bleep] you [Bleep] thing up
84
00:03:34,893 --> 00:03:36,961
[bleep] you in the [Bleep] chair
85
00:03:36,962 --> 00:03:38,629
with the [Bleep] and knees
86
00:03:38,630 --> 00:03:42,366
[bleep] is taking it
[Bleep] out that son [Bleep]
87
00:03:42,367 --> 00:03:43,701
Good Lord, Gareth.
88
00:03:43,702 --> 00:03:45,469
Do you kiss my ring with that mouth?
89
00:03:45,470 --> 00:03:47,371
My mum taught me that one.
90
00:03:47,372 --> 00:03:49,573
Oof.
91
00:03:49,574 --> 00:03:51,375
[Laughs]
92
00:03:51,376 --> 00:03:54,545
Now, if that fool is tickling
my wife's funny bone,
93
00:03:54,546 --> 00:03:56,714
it leaves me no choice.
94
00:03:56,715 --> 00:03:59,116
I know what I have to do.
95
00:04:04,823 --> 00:04:07,091
Hello, jester.
96
00:04:07,092 --> 00:04:09,526
Do you think I'm an idiot?
97
00:04:09,527 --> 00:04:15,499
I know precisely what you have
been doing with my wife.
98
00:04:15,500 --> 00:04:18,002
Aah!
99
00:04:18,003 --> 00:04:19,169
[Laughs]
100
00:04:19,170 --> 00:04:20,671
[Laughing] It's a bendy sword.
101
00:04:20,672 --> 00:04:21,839
Isn't that fantastic?
102
00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,774
Oh!
103
00:04:25,031 --> 00:04:26,777
Not even a giggle.
104
00:04:26,778 --> 00:04:30,881
See, this is precisely
why I need your help.
105
00:04:30,882 --> 00:04:32,683
Please teach me to be funny.
106
00:04:32,684 --> 00:04:34,318
I'm begging you.
107
00:04:34,319 --> 00:04:35,619
- Gah!
- Ohh!
108
00:04:35,620 --> 00:04:37,287
- Oh!
- Aah!
109
00:04:37,288 --> 00:04:40,390
[Laughs] Even when you know it
bends, you still think... whoa!
110
00:04:40,391 --> 00:04:41,525
[Gasps] [Laughs]
111
00:04:41,526 --> 00:04:44,661
Please tell me you hid the jewel.
112
00:04:44,662 --> 00:04:46,130
Of course I hid the jewel...
113
00:04:46,131 --> 00:04:48,098
In a place where no one will ever find it.
114
00:04:48,099 --> 00:04:50,534
Uh, excuse me. Where are you taking us?
115
00:04:50,535 --> 00:04:53,237
The pirate king will decide your fate.
116
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,641
"I don't care what road we choose.
117
00:04:57,642 --> 00:04:58,809
I'm Galavant.
118
00:04:58,810 --> 00:05:00,898
- [Mockingly] I get to eat the raisins."
- [Mockingly] "I'm Isabella.
119
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:03,347
I chew with my mouth open like
a cow working on a fresh cud."
120
00:05:03,348 --> 00:05:05,816
I have a deviated septum. I told you that.
121
00:05:05,817 --> 00:05:07,451
I can't breathe through my nose.
122
00:05:07,452 --> 00:05:09,753
If I chew with my mouth closed,
I'd get no air.
123
00:05:09,754 --> 00:05:10,888
Do you want me to die?
124
00:05:12,724 --> 00:05:14,224
Well...
125
00:05:14,225 --> 00:05:17,761
Wait. What are pirates doing
miles from the ocean?
126
00:05:21,265 --> 00:05:22,566
[Man wolf-whistles]
127
00:05:22,567 --> 00:05:25,402
I'm... so sorry. Am I missing something?
128
00:05:25,403 --> 00:05:26,737
Where's your boat?
129
00:05:26,738 --> 00:05:30,540
I'll be asking the questions around here.
130
00:05:30,541 --> 00:05:32,309
All: Arr!
131
00:05:32,310 --> 00:05:34,277
Actually, go ahead.
132
00:05:34,278 --> 00:05:35,679
I didn't have a question ready.
133
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:39,182
Um... don't you need a boat to be pirates?
134
00:05:39,183 --> 00:05:40,951
You're on land.
135
00:05:40,952 --> 00:05:43,820
- Land ho!
- Carl, stop it.
136
00:05:43,821 --> 00:05:47,457
All you need to be a pirate
is a dark heart
137
00:05:47,458 --> 00:05:50,227
and a wicked disregard
for other people's lives.
138
00:05:50,228 --> 00:05:51,528
And swords.
139
00:05:51,529 --> 00:05:54,531
[Scoffs] Of course swords.
That goes without saying.
140
00:05:54,532 --> 00:05:56,500
Everyone knows pirates need swords.
141
00:05:56,501 --> 00:05:58,435
- What about a hook hand?
- Parrots? Peg legs.
142
00:05:58,436 --> 00:06:01,738
- Land ho!
- I said stop it!
143
00:06:01,739 --> 00:06:05,242
Maybe it'll be easier to explain
in a pirate shanty.
144
00:06:05,243 --> 00:06:07,911
- [Groans]
- All:
Ho
145
00:06:07,912 --> 00:06:10,080
Ho
146
00:06:10,081 --> 00:06:12,215
We're cruel and vicious pirate men
147
00:06:12,216 --> 00:06:14,517
As hard and tough as brass
148
00:06:14,518 --> 00:06:16,519
By far the fearsomest buccaneers
149
00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:17,887
To ever walk on grass
150
00:06:17,888 --> 00:06:20,290
-
We pillage here
-
And plunder there
151
00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:22,459
We rage from dusk till dawn
152
00:06:22,460 --> 00:06:24,427
All:
we hoist the anchor
and swab the deck
153
00:06:24,428 --> 00:06:26,229
Then gather for drinks on the lawn
154
00:06:26,230 --> 00:06:28,531
We're the lords of the sea
155
00:06:28,532 --> 00:06:30,333
Except we aren't at sea
156
00:06:30,334 --> 00:06:32,335
We're the lords of the sea
157
00:06:32,336 --> 00:06:34,137
Just not of the actual sea
158
00:06:34,138 --> 00:06:35,939
Arr...
159
00:06:35,940 --> 00:06:39,709
Now, how we ended up here,
'tis a dire and dreadful tale
160
00:06:39,710 --> 00:06:43,680
The kind to leave the meanest
rogue a-puking o'er the rail
161
00:06:43,681 --> 00:06:45,648
So fateful, so accursed
162
00:06:45,649 --> 00:06:48,051
Such a stroke of evil luck
163
00:06:48,052 --> 00:06:50,019
Both:
our ship washed up
on that thar hill
164
00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:51,578
And hey, I guess it stuck
165
00:06:51,580 --> 00:06:55,925
All:
so now we hold the river
here by brutal, violent force
166
00:06:55,926 --> 00:06:58,194
We've also taken up gardening
167
00:06:58,195 --> 00:07:00,263
-
Sustainably
-
Of course
168
00:07:00,264 --> 00:07:02,232
All:
we make you pay to cross this way
169
00:07:02,233 --> 00:07:04,367
And squeeze you till it hurts
170
00:07:04,368 --> 00:07:06,336
And on the side, we sell a line
171
00:07:06,337 --> 00:07:08,137
Of homemade organic desserts
172
00:07:08,138 --> 00:07:10,440
We're the lords of the sea
173
00:07:10,441 --> 00:07:12,008
Though, technically, next to the sea
174
00:07:12,009 --> 00:07:13,843
We're the lords of the sea
175
00:07:13,844 --> 00:07:22,719
Or sort of "of the se-e-a"!
176
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:25,021
[Growling]
177
00:07:25,022 --> 00:07:29,926
So, now we live here,
and we rob any passersby.
178
00:07:29,927 --> 00:07:32,395
- Which brings us back to you.
- Please, sir.
179
00:07:32,396 --> 00:07:35,298
We're merely poor travelers
with nothing worth taking.
180
00:07:35,299 --> 00:07:39,302
Hey, captain. Look what I found.
181
00:07:39,303 --> 00:07:40,336
[Sighs]
182
00:07:40,337 --> 00:07:42,672
Oh, for the love of g... in your purse?
183
00:07:42,673 --> 00:07:44,974
That's where you thought
no one would look for it?
184
00:07:44,975 --> 00:07:46,642
I put it with my girls' supplies.
185
00:07:46,643 --> 00:07:49,479
Guys never look there.
They must have sisters.
186
00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:50,813
[Sighs]
187
00:07:50,814 --> 00:07:55,284
Poor travelers, huh?
Well, what do we have here?
188
00:07:55,285 --> 00:07:56,452
It's a jewel.
189
00:07:56,453 --> 00:07:58,621
I know it's a jewe... you know what?
190
00:07:58,622 --> 00:08:00,456
You're having a time-out. Go to your tent.
191
00:08:00,457 --> 00:08:03,025
Don't you give me that look.
192
00:08:08,043 --> 00:08:10,878
Right. Comedy lessons. Let's begin.
[Bells jingling]
193
00:08:10,879 --> 00:08:13,445
I'm sorry. What is that noise?
194
00:08:13,447 --> 00:08:17,050
It's my bells, sire. I'm terrified.
195
00:08:17,051 --> 00:08:18,195
Don't be.
196
00:08:18,228 --> 00:08:20,374
I already told you
I've decided not to kill you.
197
00:08:20,489 --> 00:08:22,123
I mean, not that I don't want to.
198
00:08:22,123 --> 00:08:23,857
In fact, it would be mondo satisfying
199
00:08:23,858 --> 00:08:26,126
to cut your face off
and sew it back on inside out.
200
00:08:26,127 --> 00:08:28,061
[Jingling continues]
201
00:08:28,062 --> 00:08:29,929
[Jingling stops]
202
00:08:29,930 --> 00:08:32,031
Nah, I'll stick with my first plan.
203
00:08:32,032 --> 00:08:34,367
Teach me to be funny so I can woo my wife.
204
00:08:34,368 --> 00:08:36,269
[Sighs]
205
00:08:36,270 --> 00:08:37,837
Whatever you say, My King.
206
00:08:39,573 --> 00:08:42,308
Comedy is easy
once you know the basics
207
00:08:42,309 --> 00:08:44,777
Starting with the concept of surprise
208
00:08:44,778 --> 00:08:45,444
Right.
209
00:08:45,445 --> 00:08:47,947
Take what folks
think, give it a wink
210
00:08:47,948 --> 00:08:50,283
[Laughs]
You try it on now for size
211
00:08:50,284 --> 00:08:51,718
- Me?
- Yeah.
212
00:08:53,354 --> 00:08:55,521
[Screams]
213
00:08:56,290 --> 00:08:57,857
He was surprised.
214
00:08:57,858 --> 00:08:58,992
Uh...
215
00:08:58,993 --> 00:09:00,927
-
Comedy gold
- Really?
216
00:09:00,928 --> 00:09:02,996
I'm telling you, it's comedy gold
217
00:09:02,997 --> 00:09:03,963
Yes.
218
00:09:03,964 --> 00:09:05,064
You're killing it
219
00:09:05,065 --> 00:09:06,633
If that doesn't slay 'em
220
00:09:06,634 --> 00:09:07,900
I'll murder you cold
221
00:09:07,901 --> 00:09:11,004
Swear to God, it's comedy gold
222
00:09:11,005 --> 00:09:13,272
Well, our work here is done,
so I'll just be going.
223
00:09:13,273 --> 00:09:14,474
Oh, we're just getting started.
224
00:09:14,475 --> 00:09:16,976
- Ah, right.
- Lesson two!
225
00:09:16,977 --> 00:09:20,246
Lesson number two is also fundamental
226
00:09:20,247 --> 00:09:23,315
Something that we call
"the rule of three"
227
00:09:23,317 --> 00:09:26,486
Set up the joke, give it a stroke
228
00:09:26,487 --> 00:09:27,653
Third time, bam
229
00:09:27,654 --> 00:09:29,122
Yes! Now me!
230
00:09:29,123 --> 00:09:30,323
Three serfs walk into a bar.
231
00:09:30,324 --> 00:09:31,691
The first serf orders a hot grog.
232
00:09:31,692 --> 00:09:33,025
The second serf orders a hot grog.
233
00:09:33,026 --> 00:09:35,428
And the third serf orders a hot grog.
234
00:09:35,429 --> 00:09:38,983
But he has no money and neither do
the other two because they're serfs.
235
00:09:38,985 --> 00:09:39,985
Huh?
236
00:09:41,134 --> 00:09:42,435
Comedy gold
237
00:09:42,436 --> 00:09:46,038
- Yes! Nailed it!
-
I promise you, it's comedy gold
238
00:09:46,039 --> 00:09:47,607
Hilarious
239
00:09:47,608 --> 00:09:50,910
-
The crowd will be rolling
-
Or heads will be rolled
240
00:09:50,911 --> 00:09:52,678
Oh, not with all this comedy gold
241
00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:53,507
More, more!
242
00:09:53,509 --> 00:09:56,415
Props can be a riot,
ethnic humor, can't deny it
243
00:09:56,416 --> 00:09:59,018
Or a pratfall,
if it's properly applied
244
00:09:59,019 --> 00:10:02,888
Depending on the viewer,
take it black or work it bluer
245
00:10:02,889 --> 00:10:04,882
Or try an observational aside
246
00:10:05,625 --> 00:10:07,493
Have you ever noticed how lepers
247
00:10:07,494 --> 00:10:09,095
have pieces falling off of them?
248
00:10:09,096 --> 00:10:11,697
I mean, what's that all about?
249
00:10:12,699 --> 00:10:15,067
Both:
Gonna be killer
250
00:10:15,068 --> 00:10:17,636
Gonna be ace
251
00:10:17,637 --> 00:10:23,976
Folks dying of laughter
all over the place
252
00:10:23,977 --> 00:10:26,912
And if I get desperate
253
00:10:26,913 --> 00:10:29,348
A pie in the face?
254
00:10:29,349 --> 00:10:30,816
I dare you.
255
00:10:31,851 --> 00:10:34,920
Telling you, it's comedy gold
256
00:10:34,921 --> 00:10:37,823
Oh! You are a wonderful teacher.
257
00:10:37,824 --> 00:10:41,493
Perhaps now I shall finally be able to
satisfy my wife the same way you have.
258
00:10:43,398 --> 00:10:46,498
My God, we've got a strange relationship.
259
00:10:46,499 --> 00:10:48,634
Telling you, it's comedy gold
260
00:10:52,572 --> 00:10:54,540
Pirates, that's pomade.
261
00:10:54,541 --> 00:10:57,776
It's for relaxing my curls, not eating.
262
00:11:01,081 --> 00:11:03,348
- [Sighs]
- Right, men.
263
00:11:03,348 --> 00:11:06,417
Let's stow this booty in the chest.
264
00:11:06,419 --> 00:11:08,220
Carl, give me the key.
265
00:11:11,758 --> 00:11:14,359
Oh, come on, guys. Not again.
266
00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:16,328
These idiots really stink
at being pirates.
267
00:11:16,329 --> 00:11:17,429
No kidding.
268
00:11:17,430 --> 00:11:18,831
Unbelievable.
269
00:11:18,832 --> 00:11:21,967
It's kind of nice being
on the same page, isn't it?
270
00:11:21,968 --> 00:11:23,902
It is nice to have a break
271
00:11:23,903 --> 00:11:25,971
from the relentless stream
of criticism, yeah.
272
00:11:25,972 --> 00:11:29,308
Maybe if you did things right,
I wouldn't have to say it.
273
00:11:29,309 --> 00:11:30,709
- Mouth breather.
- Egomaniac.
274
00:11:30,710 --> 00:11:32,277
And it's over.
275
00:11:32,278 --> 00:11:36,348
You. Walk with me.
276
00:11:36,349 --> 00:11:37,816
[Clears throat]
277
00:11:37,817 --> 00:11:39,284
Oh, right. Of course.
278
00:11:50,229 --> 00:11:51,530
Lads, could you give me a hand?
279
00:11:51,531 --> 00:11:52,631
All: Arr.
280
00:11:56,335 --> 00:12:00,604
You know, we met before, at Lilith Faire,
281
00:12:00,606 --> 00:12:02,841
the island of Lesbos.
282
00:12:02,842 --> 00:12:06,344
I looked a little different...
Fewer wrinkles.
283
00:12:06,345 --> 00:12:08,113
More like...
284
00:12:08,114 --> 00:12:09,614
Yes, of course.
285
00:12:09,615 --> 00:12:12,050
Well, you're Peter Pillager,
the pirate king.
286
00:12:12,767 --> 00:12:14,753
Well, your men used to be
the scourge of the seas.
287
00:12:14,755 --> 00:12:15,888
[Sighs]
288
00:12:15,888 --> 00:12:16,922
What happened there?
289
00:12:16,923 --> 00:12:18,523
Oh.
290
00:12:18,524 --> 00:12:21,393
You know how it is when you
spend too much time with people.
291
00:12:21,394 --> 00:12:23,528
Little things start to get to you...
292
00:12:23,529 --> 00:12:25,463
- Oh...
- And before you know it,
293
00:12:25,464 --> 00:12:27,432
it's all about who's taken whose booty.
294
00:12:27,433 --> 00:12:29,201
"It's my booty." "No, it's my booty."
295
00:12:29,202 --> 00:12:30,769
booty, booty, booty.
296
00:12:30,770 --> 00:12:33,305
- You stopped working together.
- Big-time.
297
00:12:33,306 --> 00:12:37,008
We can't even agree on how to
get our ship off that damn hill.
298
00:12:37,009 --> 00:12:41,313
The truth is...
I could do with a man like you.
299
00:12:41,314 --> 00:12:44,583
So I have a proposition.
300
00:12:44,584 --> 00:12:48,320
Either, "A," I kill all of you
301
00:12:48,321 --> 00:12:51,356
and keep that jewel
and the girls' supplies.
302
00:12:51,357 --> 00:12:56,294
- Why do you want the girls' supplies?
- Or "B," you join me and I let your squire
303
00:12:56,295 --> 00:12:59,264
and that annoying little
mouth breather go.
304
00:12:59,265 --> 00:13:01,700
Well, in all fairness to her,
305
00:13:01,701 --> 00:13:04,035
only 'cause she's not here
to defend herself,
306
00:13:04,036 --> 00:13:06,271
the mouth breathing
is a medical condition,
307
00:13:06,272 --> 00:13:09,507
- so she can't really help it.
- Seems like a pretty simple fix to me.
308
00:13:09,508 --> 00:13:11,476
Put food in mouth, close mouth, chew.
309
00:13:11,477 --> 00:13:13,578
What kind of moron can't do that?
310
00:13:13,579 --> 00:13:15,380
[Chuckles]
311
00:13:15,381 --> 00:13:18,183
Again, not to get into semantics here,
312
00:13:18,184 --> 00:13:21,286
but if she closes her mouth
while she eats,
313
00:13:21,287 --> 00:13:24,589
she's literally not breathing
out of anywhere.
314
00:13:24,590 --> 00:13:25,757
You get used to it.
315
00:13:25,758 --> 00:13:28,860
Honestly, lately, I can't fall asleep
until she starts snoring.
316
00:13:28,861 --> 00:13:31,162
Dude, you're making me uncomfortable.
317
00:13:31,163 --> 00:13:33,565
Who are you choosing,
me or the mouth breather?
318
00:13:33,566 --> 00:13:37,001
Call her a "mouth breather" one more time.
319
00:13:37,002 --> 00:13:39,237
Mouth breather.
320
00:13:39,238 --> 00:13:41,706
How did you do that?
321
00:13:41,707 --> 00:13:43,641
I keep trying to tell everyone...
322
00:13:43,642 --> 00:13:44,809
Oh.
323
00:13:44,810 --> 00:13:47,345
I'm not just the guy
that eats the raisins.
324
00:13:47,346 --> 00:13:48,313
[Gasps]
325
00:13:50,082 --> 00:13:52,050
Chef: Excuse me, excuse me.
326
00:13:52,051 --> 00:13:54,986
Chef coming through. Thank you.
This way, my lady.
327
00:13:54,987 --> 00:13:56,788
Here's your table, My Queen.
328
00:13:56,789 --> 00:13:59,757
What fresh idiocy does king
Richard have in store for me now?
329
00:13:59,758 --> 00:14:01,392
Um, I'm...
330
00:14:01,393 --> 00:14:03,361
That was rhetorical. Shoo.
331
00:14:03,362 --> 00:14:06,297
Chef out.
332
00:14:06,298 --> 00:14:07,765
[Thudding]
333
00:14:07,766 --> 00:14:09,467
Welcome to the show!
334
00:14:09,468 --> 00:14:12,437
I introduce to you, without further ado,
335
00:14:12,438 --> 00:14:13,905
the king of comedy!
336
00:14:13,906 --> 00:14:17,222
Hello! Thank you very, very, very much.
337
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,177
Now, I understand you've all come here
338
00:14:19,178 --> 00:14:22,113
under threat of death,
and I appreciate it.
339
00:14:22,114 --> 00:14:24,649
In fact... I ordered it.
340
00:14:27,419 --> 00:14:29,320
Everybody laugh!
341
00:14:29,321 --> 00:14:30,922
[Laughter]
342
00:14:30,923 --> 00:14:32,581
What on God's flat earth is going on?
343
00:14:32,583 --> 00:14:35,193
Well, they say the way to a woman's heart
344
00:14:35,194 --> 00:14:38,183
- is through her funny bone, so...
- Oh, God. Let's not do this.
345
00:14:38,185 --> 00:14:41,132
Why did the king go to the dentist?
346
00:14:41,133 --> 00:14:42,533
To get his teeth crowned.
347
00:14:42,534 --> 00:14:44,691
To get his teeth crowned.
Uh, you've heard that one.
348
00:14:44,693 --> 00:14:47,004
Mm! "You might be a peasant" jokes.
349
00:14:47,005 --> 00:14:51,275
If you have more children than teeth,
350
00:14:51,276 --> 00:14:53,911
you might be a peasant.
351
00:14:56,615 --> 00:14:58,783
Is this thing on? [Pops]
352
00:14:58,784 --> 00:15:02,219
Ugh. He's dying out there.
Give him the pie.
353
00:15:02,220 --> 00:15:03,721
Now?!
354
00:15:03,722 --> 00:15:05,523
That's the big finale.
355
00:15:05,524 --> 00:15:07,692
Damn it, man, look at the poor bastard.
356
00:15:07,693 --> 00:15:09,160
Give him the pie.
357
00:15:09,161 --> 00:15:15,488
If your toilet is a tree,
then you might be...
358
00:15:19,037 --> 00:15:21,105
[Laughter]
359
00:15:22,207 --> 00:15:25,342
She laughed! It worked! She laughed!
360
00:15:25,343 --> 00:15:28,846
Quick, give me more pies so I can
keep hitting Gareth in the face.
361
00:15:28,847 --> 00:15:32,277
Or someone else. I-I can pie someone else.
362
00:15:34,448 --> 00:15:35,448
You're a fool.
363
00:15:35,449 --> 00:15:37,116
When my men see me captive,
364
00:15:37,117 --> 00:15:39,618
they will swarm on you like hornets.
365
00:15:39,619 --> 00:15:40,953
No. Bees.
366
00:15:40,954 --> 00:15:42,121
No, hornets was better.
367
00:15:42,122 --> 00:15:43,622
Well, you can let them try,
368
00:15:43,623 --> 00:15:46,386
but I'll be damned if I'm letting my team
end up like yours.
369
00:15:46,388 --> 00:15:49,628
So I'm gonna rescue them,
rouse us to work together,
370
00:15:49,629 --> 00:15:51,831
defeat your... hold on.
371
00:15:52,933 --> 00:15:55,501
Oh, for the love of Mike, what happened?
372
00:15:55,502 --> 00:15:56,835
[Sighs] Sid was right.
373
00:15:56,836 --> 00:15:59,171
It was time to stop bickering
and work together.
374
00:15:59,172 --> 00:16:00,673
So we did, and we overthrew the camp.
375
00:16:00,674 --> 00:16:04,410
You missed an amazing battle,
better than anything at castle black.
376
00:16:04,411 --> 00:16:07,179
Well, FYI, I was also gonna come back,
377
00:16:07,180 --> 00:16:09,448
and I was gonna suggest that
we start working together, too,
378
00:16:09,449 --> 00:16:10,849
- wasn't I? Tell them.
- Oh, please, stop.
379
00:16:10,850 --> 00:16:12,484
This whole time, I've been
saying that I was gonna...
380
00:16:12,485 --> 00:16:16,455
- This is all a little humiliating.
- You know what? Doesn't matter.
381
00:16:16,456 --> 00:16:18,023
I know we've been
driving each other crazy,
382
00:16:18,024 --> 00:16:20,092
but I think we've got something
really good going on here.
383
00:16:20,093 --> 00:16:23,195
I mean, look at us...
We're gorgeous, very diverse.
384
00:16:23,195 --> 00:16:27,665
I think if we pull it together, we could
do something great, legendary even.
385
00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:30,335
What do you say?
386
00:16:30,336 --> 00:16:31,703
We are diverse.
387
00:16:32,939 --> 00:16:35,174
Super diverse.
388
00:16:35,175 --> 00:16:37,843
I remember when we had something special.
389
00:16:37,844 --> 00:16:39,611
All: Arr.
390
00:16:39,612 --> 00:16:40,972
I miss us.
391
00:16:41,948 --> 00:16:44,616
Now, look, either we can take
your pirate supplies...
392
00:16:44,617 --> 00:16:46,385
The swords, the hooks...
393
00:16:46,386 --> 00:16:47,386
- Parrots.
- Booty.
394
00:16:47,387 --> 00:16:48,854
- Peg legs.
- Girls' supplies.
395
00:16:48,855 --> 00:16:51,356
Yes, yes, all of it,
or we can work together
396
00:16:51,357 --> 00:16:56,028
to get your ship off that hill
and you can take us to Valencia.
397
00:16:56,029 --> 00:16:57,062
What do you say?
398
00:17:04,037 --> 00:17:06,338
Did I just cut your hand?
399
00:17:06,339 --> 00:17:08,707
Yes. Very badly.
400
00:17:08,708 --> 00:17:10,509
Sorry.
401
00:17:16,082 --> 00:17:17,749
Where are you going?
402
00:17:17,750 --> 00:17:19,584
It's time for 4:00 fool-around.
403
00:17:19,585 --> 00:17:20,660
Is it?
404
00:17:20,662 --> 00:17:23,922
M-my sundial must be slow
because of the... c-clouds.
405
00:17:23,923 --> 00:17:26,591
If you're worried I'm upset
about you helping my husband
406
00:17:26,592 --> 00:17:28,827
with that ridiculous show, then don't be.
407
00:17:28,828 --> 00:17:31,997
Who cares? He's an idiot.
408
00:17:31,998 --> 00:17:33,598
Yes, well, that's the thing.
409
00:17:33,599 --> 00:17:35,233
I don't think I can do this anymore.
410
00:17:35,234 --> 00:17:39,938
I guess I just feel a little... guilty.
411
00:17:39,939 --> 00:17:41,606
Well, that's very noble of you
412
00:17:41,607 --> 00:17:43,875
to care about someone's feelings.
413
00:17:43,876 --> 00:17:45,839
Guards!
414
00:17:45,841 --> 00:17:48,511
If you're developing a conscience,
then you're no good to me.
415
00:17:48,513 --> 00:17:50,949
Take him to the dungeon,
the really scary one.
416
00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:52,117
With the mice.
417
00:17:52,118 --> 00:17:53,284
Wait, no! Please!
418
00:17:53,285 --> 00:17:54,953
At least let me change my clothes!
419
00:17:54,954 --> 00:17:57,455
These are gang colors!
420
00:17:57,456 --> 00:17:59,958
Oh, hello.
421
00:17:59,959 --> 00:18:01,226
I was just coming to see Steve.
422
00:18:01,227 --> 00:18:02,727
Who's Steve?
423
00:18:02,728 --> 00:18:05,363
Steve McKinzie. The jester.
424
00:18:05,364 --> 00:18:07,932
You don't know his name?
425
00:18:07,933 --> 00:18:09,567
Well, no matter.
426
00:18:09,568 --> 00:18:13,738
Say, what do you call
a tiny mosquito in a tin suit?
427
00:18:13,739 --> 00:18:15,573
- Oh, God.
- Nope.
428
00:18:15,574 --> 00:18:17,575
A gnat in shining armor.
429
00:18:17,576 --> 00:18:20,645
- [Chuckles] I've got so many of these.
- Please stop talking.
430
00:18:20,646 --> 00:18:22,247
[Laughing] No, I love talking with you.
431
00:18:22,248 --> 00:18:24,582
Right, you maggots!
432
00:18:24,583 --> 00:18:27,485
Let's get this boat off the hill.
433
00:18:27,486 --> 00:18:29,787
What?
434
00:18:29,788 --> 00:18:32,790
It's just nice to hear you
call us "maggots" again.
435
00:18:32,791 --> 00:18:35,627
You've always been maggots in here.
436
00:18:35,628 --> 00:18:37,595
All: Arr!
437
00:18:37,596 --> 00:18:39,497
Prepare the lines!
438
00:18:45,671 --> 00:18:48,239
All:
we heave together, we ho together
439
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,308
All working toe to toe together
440
00:18:50,309 --> 00:18:52,076
Ahoy, look out below together!
441
00:18:52,077 --> 00:18:53,945
Run away! Run away!
442
00:18:56,348 --> 00:18:58,683
Now off together,
we'll cruise together
443
00:18:58,684 --> 00:19:01,018
With pirate stuff we'll use together
444
00:19:01,019 --> 00:19:03,254
Guys, we should get tattoos together
445
00:19:03,255 --> 00:19:04,422
Arr!
446
00:19:06,492 --> 00:19:09,660
And, together, look what we can do
447
00:19:09,661 --> 00:19:11,929
Together we're one scurvy crew
448
00:19:11,930 --> 00:19:13,863
-
Together, we're not bad
-
It's true
449
00:19:13,865 --> 00:19:16,134
My God, just get a room, you two.
450
00:19:16,135 --> 00:19:22,974
All:
Togetherness will see us
through to the end
451
00:19:22,975 --> 00:19:25,543
Land ho!
452
00:19:25,544 --> 00:19:27,044
"Land ho," indeed, Carl.
453
00:19:30,115 --> 00:19:32,283
[Sighs]
454
00:19:32,284 --> 00:19:33,618
Gal...
455
00:19:33,619 --> 00:19:34,952
Can I call you "Gal"?
456
00:19:34,953 --> 00:19:36,487
Uh, well, I don't love it.
457
00:19:36,488 --> 00:19:39,323
[Sighs] I have to talk to you.
458
00:19:39,324 --> 00:19:40,858
I feel a little guilty about something.
459
00:19:40,859 --> 00:19:43,127
Actually, so do I.
460
00:19:43,128 --> 00:19:45,496
I stashed a bag of trail mix
before we left.
461
00:19:46,665 --> 00:19:47,999
Raisins intact.
462
00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,400
[Chuckles] Really?
463
00:19:49,401 --> 00:19:50,568
Knock yourself out.
464
00:19:50,569 --> 00:19:52,636
And feel free to eat with your mouth open.
465
00:19:52,637 --> 00:19:54,305
It's not as gross as I make it out to be.
466
00:19:54,306 --> 00:19:58,008
I mean, it's gross,
but it's not gross-gross.
467
00:19:59,644 --> 00:20:02,680
Listen, Galavant,
468
00:20:02,681 --> 00:20:05,349
I think the reason
I've been so difficult recently
469
00:20:05,350 --> 00:20:09,019
is that I was villainizing you
so I felt better about myself.
470
00:20:09,020 --> 00:20:13,190
I'm probably signing my parents' death
warrant by telling you this, but...
471
00:20:13,191 --> 00:20:14,525
I lied.
472
00:20:14,526 --> 00:20:17,061
I'm leading you into a trap.
473
00:20:19,503 --> 00:20:20,931
Galavant?
474
00:20:20,932 --> 00:20:22,666
We're almost there.
475
00:20:22,667 --> 00:20:25,169
Did you hear anything I just said?
476
00:20:25,170 --> 00:20:27,171
Sorry.
477
00:20:27,172 --> 00:20:29,519
I don't always listen when you talk.
478
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:31,371
I will get better at that.
479
00:20:31,373 --> 00:20:32,847
What were you saying,
something about
480
00:20:32,848 --> 00:20:34,848
your parents or something?
481
00:20:36,097 --> 00:20:38,091
I'm looking forward to seeing them.
482
00:20:38,092 --> 00:20:41,292
Right. Yeah, parents are the best.
483
00:20:42,448 --> 00:20:44,878
Godspeed, pirates!
484
00:20:44,879 --> 00:20:46,472
To Valencia!
485
00:20:46,473 --> 00:20:48,473
All: Arr!
486
00:20:50,449 --> 00:20:52,449
I'm coming, my love.
487
00:20:56,265 --> 00:20:58,652
sync and correction by solfieri
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488
00:20:58,702 --> 00:21:03,252
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