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Jester:
If you missed last week's show
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00:00:01,477 --> 00:00:02,911
Or if you're slightly slow
3
00:00:02,912 --> 00:00:05,912
Here's what came previously
on "Galavant"
4
00:00:05,914 --> 00:00:09,784
The Princess Isabella
came searching for this fella
5
00:00:09,785 --> 00:00:13,354
The washed-up hero known as Galavant
6
00:00:13,355 --> 00:00:16,390
Now she's gotten him to lend a hand
7
00:00:16,391 --> 00:00:19,894
To oust the king who seized her land
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00:00:19,895 --> 00:00:22,630
But zing, she's working for the king
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00:00:22,631 --> 00:00:24,565
The trap's about to spring
10
00:00:24,566 --> 00:00:26,033
But that's not everything
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00:00:26,034 --> 00:00:31,205
'Cause our hero only came
to save his former flame
12
00:00:31,206 --> 00:00:34,608
Forced into marriage
with the cruel King Richard
13
00:00:34,609 --> 00:00:38,646
Sweet Madalena, though,
has lost her saintly glow
14
00:00:38,647 --> 00:00:41,749
In fact, she's tilting
pretty sharply bitchward
15
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:44,752
Add the king,
who wants to win her heart
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00:00:44,753 --> 00:00:48,555
And rip our hero's world apart
17
00:00:48,556 --> 00:00:50,891
And that is where I leave you at
18
00:00:50,892 --> 00:00:52,426
So hold on to your hat
19
00:00:52,427 --> 00:00:53,927
'Cause here's what's next
20
00:00:53,929 --> 00:00:58,866
For Galava-a-a-a-nt!
21
00:00:58,867 --> 00:01:02,035
Isabella: We've been riding for
days. The horses need to rest.
22
00:01:02,036 --> 00:01:03,270
Sid: We'll stop here.
23
00:01:03,271 --> 00:01:05,539
My people will treat you
like a princess, Princess.
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00:01:05,540 --> 00:01:06,874
Galavant: Don't get too comfortable.
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00:01:06,875 --> 00:01:09,243
One night, Sid. Then we hit the road.
26
00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:15,749
So, this is it, my hometown.
27
00:01:15,750 --> 00:01:17,084
A little background on the place...
28
00:01:17,085 --> 00:01:20,153
Middle-class community,
lots of sheep-sheering,
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00:01:20,154 --> 00:01:22,022
great place to raise a family.
30
00:01:22,023 --> 00:01:23,457
That should cover it.
31
00:01:23,458 --> 00:01:25,959
Sounds lovely, Sid. One tiny question.
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- Shoot.
- What the hell is that?
33
00:01:28,663 --> 00:01:30,397
"Sidneyland"?
34
00:01:34,802 --> 00:01:38,074
Ah, you noticed that.
35
00:01:38,714 --> 00:01:40,042
Galavant - S01E03
Two Balls
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sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
37
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All hail Sid!
38
00:01:43,811 --> 00:01:46,880
Man: The conquering hero returns!
39
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All: Huzzah!
40
00:01:48,282 --> 00:01:49,783
- Galavant: Sid.
- Sid: Yeah.
41
00:01:49,784 --> 00:01:51,118
What is happening?
42
00:01:51,119 --> 00:01:53,220
Well, I'm adopted.
43
00:01:53,221 --> 00:01:56,723
When I was a baby, an older couple
found me on their doorstep and took me in.
44
00:01:56,724 --> 00:01:59,159
You know the expression
"it takes a village"?
45
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,328
No. No. No, I don't think
that's been invented yet.
46
00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,495
Oh. Autograph, please!
47
00:02:02,496 --> 00:02:03,597
[Laughs]
48
00:02:03,598 --> 00:02:05,699
Well, I was a golden child around here.
49
00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:10,403
And over the years, when I wrote home,
I may have exaggerated a bit.
50
00:02:10,404 --> 00:02:11,805
Mm!
51
00:02:12,824 --> 00:02:15,975
Oh, I wish you were my cousin
so I could marry you.
52
00:02:15,977 --> 00:02:18,378
Aw, that's so sweet!
53
00:02:18,379 --> 00:02:19,879
[Chuckles]
54
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,315
Sid: I know this is unusual, but
it would mean the world to me
55
00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:24,751
if you could go along with this
for just one night.
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00:02:24,752 --> 00:02:27,587
Play along? Do you mean, like, act?
57
00:02:27,588 --> 00:02:29,422
Did you know that my
hometown of Valencia
58
00:02:29,423 --> 00:02:30,623
is famous for two things...
59
00:02:30,624 --> 00:02:33,426
Our cabbage festival
and our theater program.
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00:02:33,427 --> 00:02:35,095
So, worst place ever.
61
00:02:35,096 --> 00:02:37,263
You should have just said
"worst place ever." [Sighs]
62
00:02:37,264 --> 00:02:39,432
Every night, we'd gather
around the town elder tree
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00:02:39,433 --> 00:02:41,935
with nothing but the power
of our imaginations.
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00:02:41,936 --> 00:02:45,105
Sometimes, we wouldn't even
have a script that night.
65
00:02:45,106 --> 00:02:46,840
So we'd have to find our characters
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00:02:46,841 --> 00:02:48,508
over the course of many,
many hours of theater.
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00:02:48,509 --> 00:02:50,176
You sure you want to save this place?
68
00:02:50,177 --> 00:02:51,845
Sid, I'm in.
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00:02:51,846 --> 00:02:54,047
Get ready. My parents are a lot.
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00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:55,949
- Of what?
- Everything.
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00:02:57,618 --> 00:02:59,619
Oh, and one more thing.
They think you're my squire.
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00:02:59,620 --> 00:03:00,787
- [Gasps]
- What did he say?
73
00:03:00,788 --> 00:03:02,088
[Gasps]
74
00:03:02,089 --> 00:03:03,890
- Bubbala!
- Dad: My boy!
75
00:03:03,891 --> 00:03:05,058
[Laughing]
76
00:03:05,059 --> 00:03:06,392
- Oh!
- Oh!
77
00:03:08,128 --> 00:03:10,296
Come in! Come in!
78
00:03:10,297 --> 00:03:13,266
- You kids must be starving.
- Famished.
79
00:03:13,267 --> 00:03:15,802
Glad to hear it. Get plucking, squire.
80
00:03:18,413 --> 00:03:19,772
Terrific.
81
00:03:22,845 --> 00:03:24,779
Come on, Jester! Do the bit that I wrote!
82
00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:26,608
You guys are going to love this.
83
00:03:26,649 --> 00:03:29,349
It feels a little inappropriate,
considering the circumstances.
84
00:03:29,351 --> 00:03:30,418
Just do the bit.
85
00:03:30,419 --> 00:03:31,386
Please, sir.
86
00:03:31,387 --> 00:03:32,620
Do the bit.
87
00:03:35,157 --> 00:03:36,991
Hey, Valencians.
88
00:03:36,993 --> 00:03:39,560
How many Valencians
does it take to win a war?
89
00:03:39,561 --> 00:03:40,795
All: [Sadly] How many?
90
00:03:40,796 --> 00:03:41,896
More than you had.
91
00:03:41,897 --> 00:03:43,898
[Laughing]
92
00:03:45,167 --> 00:03:46,467
Oh, have mercy.
93
00:03:46,468 --> 00:03:47,769
I'm bored. I'm leaving.
94
00:03:47,770 --> 00:03:49,170
Oh, my wife.
95
00:03:49,171 --> 00:03:50,805
Now, I know we've had our ups and downs.
96
00:03:50,806 --> 00:03:52,373
Why, just a few days ago,
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00:03:52,374 --> 00:03:54,242
you made me cry so hard
I could barely breathe.
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00:03:54,243 --> 00:03:55,376
Tell her, Gareth.
99
00:03:55,377 --> 00:03:56,978
Eight hours of my life I can't get back.
100
00:03:56,979 --> 00:03:58,579
I mean, but that's our thing.
101
00:03:58,580 --> 00:04:01,449
That's us. I'm not giving up on us.
102
00:04:01,450 --> 00:04:02,717
- I want you to give up.
- No.
103
00:04:02,718 --> 00:04:04,507
- Please give up.
- You can't make me.
104
00:04:05,087 --> 00:04:07,321
[Sighs] God, everyone's in such moods.
105
00:04:07,322 --> 00:04:10,091
King and queen of Valencia, step forward.
106
00:04:11,593 --> 00:04:12,460
Let me ask you...
107
00:04:12,462 --> 00:04:15,463
Before I invaded, pillaged,
and destroyed your kingdom,
108
00:04:15,464 --> 00:04:17,131
what did you people
do around here for fun?
109
00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:19,000
We used to sit around the elder tree
110
00:04:19,001 --> 00:04:22,236
for hours and hours of
spontaneous, unscripted theater.
111
00:04:22,237 --> 00:04:23,637
Oof.
112
00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,706
You cut down the elder tree.
113
00:04:25,707 --> 00:04:27,641
- I did?
- You turned it into toothpicks.
114
00:04:29,940 --> 00:04:32,041
Well played. You're dismissed.
115
00:04:33,081 --> 00:04:35,149
Mm! Eunuch, front and center.
116
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,817
Help me out.
117
00:04:36,818 --> 00:04:38,919
What else did you do around here for fun?
118
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,455
I don't know. We, uh, used to have balls.
119
00:04:41,456 --> 00:04:42,690
[Both snicker]
120
00:04:42,691 --> 00:04:44,925
Gareth, did you hear what the eunuch said?
121
00:04:44,926 --> 00:04:47,261
You cannot write this stuff!
122
00:04:47,262 --> 00:04:48,796
You sure can't!
123
00:04:48,797 --> 00:04:49,797
[Both laugh]
124
00:04:49,798 --> 00:04:51,565
You know, I've always been curious.
125
00:04:51,566 --> 00:04:53,734
Do you still have any feeling, you know...
126
00:04:53,735 --> 00:04:54,969
Down there?
127
00:04:54,970 --> 00:04:56,670
- No, sir.
- Really?
128
00:04:56,671 --> 00:04:59,506
Gareth, go take a whack at the eunuch.
129
00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:01,842
Lovely.
130
00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:04,745
Spread 'em.
131
00:05:06,114 --> 00:05:07,748
[Thud]
132
00:05:07,749 --> 00:05:09,442
King Richard: That is amazing!
133
00:05:09,444 --> 00:05:10,733
Gareth, isn't that amazing?
134
00:05:10,735 --> 00:05:11,936
It's really cool!
135
00:05:11,938 --> 00:05:14,788
Everyone, line up.
Take a free shot at the eunuch.
136
00:05:14,789 --> 00:05:17,524
You know, honey,
137
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:19,626
let's throw these poor bastards a ball,
138
00:05:19,627 --> 00:05:23,097
breathe some life back into the place,
get some food and music and entertainment.
139
00:05:23,098 --> 00:05:25,632
I should probably start working
up a routine with the Jester...
140
00:05:25,633 --> 00:05:28,671
- In my bedchamber, where it's quiet.
- That's the spirit!
141
00:05:28,673 --> 00:05:31,305
Now, I don't want either one
of you to leave your bedchamber
142
00:05:31,306 --> 00:05:33,073
until you've worked out a complete set.
143
00:05:33,074 --> 00:05:36,210
Oh, I think I have a set
the Jester can work with.
144
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:37,778
Fantastic!
145
00:05:37,779 --> 00:05:39,179
[Giggles]
146
00:05:39,180 --> 00:05:41,247
Oh, this is going to be such a hoot!
147
00:05:41,249 --> 00:05:42,849
Oh, come on, people!
148
00:05:42,850 --> 00:05:45,419
Don't pull your punches! Have fun with it!
149
00:05:45,420 --> 00:05:46,553
Get creative!
150
00:05:46,554 --> 00:05:48,221
Tickle, tickle, tickle!
151
00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:49,923
Nothing.
152
00:05:49,924 --> 00:05:53,093
Your loss is our gain. And we thank you.
153
00:05:53,094 --> 00:05:54,728
[Smooches]
154
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,531
Our Sidney.
155
00:05:57,532 --> 00:05:59,299
So handsome!
156
00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:01,535
We bought him that armor
for his 16th birthday.
157
00:06:01,536 --> 00:06:03,170
Cost us a fortune. [Chuckles]
158
00:06:03,171 --> 00:06:06,707
Sid, eat, eat. Y-you're wasting away!
159
00:06:06,708 --> 00:06:08,442
I'm fine, mother.
160
00:06:08,443 --> 00:06:10,510
Just humor me. [Chuckles]
161
00:06:10,511 --> 00:06:11,878
Squire?
162
00:06:11,879 --> 00:06:14,080
Squire!
163
00:06:14,081 --> 00:06:15,749
Oh, right. That's me.
164
00:06:15,750 --> 00:06:18,018
Don't tell me your squire
is as dimwitted as our squire.
165
00:06:18,019 --> 00:06:20,921
[Laughs loudly]
166
00:06:20,922 --> 00:06:22,689
I think he may be.
167
00:06:22,690 --> 00:06:25,091
You've got nice teeth.
168
00:06:25,092 --> 00:06:27,127
So, tell us about
your new lady friend, Sid.
169
00:06:27,129 --> 00:06:29,897
- Uh, father, this is Princess Isabella.
- [Chuckles]
170
00:06:29,897 --> 00:06:32,899
[Gasping]
171
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:34,367
A princess?
172
00:06:34,368 --> 00:06:35,435
That's my boy!
173
00:06:35,436 --> 00:06:37,237
Oh, uh, Princess Isabella isn...
174
00:06:37,238 --> 00:06:39,172
Oh, the first time I saw your son,
175
00:06:39,173 --> 00:06:40,874
it was a dark and cloudy day,
176
00:06:40,875 --> 00:06:45,211
but your son with an "O"
was my sun with a "U."
177
00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:49,783
We don't know how to read.
178
00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,217
Not a word.
179
00:06:51,218 --> 00:06:53,486
[Chuckles] We're engaged.
180
00:06:53,487 --> 00:06:55,355
This just took a fun turn.
181
00:06:55,356 --> 00:06:56,689
[Gasps] Engaged?!
182
00:06:56,690 --> 00:06:58,057
Mazel tov!
183
00:06:58,058 --> 00:06:59,025
[Laughter]
184
00:06:59,026 --> 00:07:00,927
I can't believe it!
185
00:07:00,928 --> 00:07:03,997
[Gasps] We have to celebrate.
186
00:07:03,998 --> 00:07:06,499
Oh, great. Another musical number.
187
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,202
Everyone, come see my son, the knight!
188
00:07:09,203 --> 00:07:11,804
Both:
Oy, what a knight
189
00:07:11,805 --> 00:07:13,606
Gather 'round, you peasants
190
00:07:13,607 --> 00:07:15,441
Look who's graced us with his presence
191
00:07:15,442 --> 00:07:17,577
-
What a hero
-
What a mensch
192
00:07:17,578 --> 00:07:19,412
All:
Oy, what a knight
193
00:07:19,413 --> 00:07:21,280
Plus, the kid's on fire
194
00:07:21,281 --> 00:07:23,316
With a big farkakte squire
195
00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:25,852
-
And a little shiksa wench
- [Both smooch]
196
00:07:25,853 --> 00:07:29,122
Oy, what a knight,
God, is he to die for
197
00:07:29,123 --> 00:07:32,925
Any girl would give an eye
for such a hunk of kosher meat
198
00:07:32,926 --> 00:07:35,361
[Women squeal]
oy, what a knight
199
00:07:35,362 --> 00:07:37,163
Handsome
and a charmer
200
00:07:37,164 --> 00:07:38,598
Is it true that 'neath that armor...
201
00:07:38,599 --> 00:07:41,067
Shh, he likes to be discreet
202
00:07:41,068 --> 00:07:44,804
Speaking as his rabbi,
why am I not surprised?
203
00:07:44,805 --> 00:07:48,140
Our Sidney is the knight who
put the "sir" in "circumcised"
204
00:07:48,141 --> 00:07:50,610
Oy, what a knight
205
00:07:50,611 --> 00:07:52,111
So, how's the business going?
206
00:07:52,112 --> 00:07:54,213
You know, jousting, tally-ho-ing
207
00:07:54,214 --> 00:07:56,749
Saving damsels in distress
208
00:07:56,750 --> 00:07:58,184
Oy, what a knight
209
00:07:58,185 --> 00:07:59,752
Oh! Did I mention slaying?
210
00:07:59,753 --> 00:08:01,787
I did lots of it. Just saying.
211
00:08:01,787 --> 00:08:04,589
-
That's our Sidney, the success
- Hey!
212
00:08:04,591 --> 00:08:07,560
What a gorgeous family,
your Sid can do no wrong
213
00:08:07,561 --> 00:08:11,764
Who knew he came
from such a lovely home?
214
00:08:11,765 --> 00:08:15,601
Of course I'll be converting,
so I'm sure we'll get along
215
00:08:15,602 --> 00:08:16,569
Honey, please!
216
00:08:16,570 --> 00:08:19,233
You had me at "shalom"
217
00:08:19,840 --> 00:08:21,273
Oy, what a squire
218
00:08:21,274 --> 00:08:23,609
-
So tell us 'bout sir Sidney
- No.
219
00:08:23,610 --> 00:08:25,478
-
He saved your live once, didn't he?
- No.
220
00:08:25,479 --> 00:08:26,637
-
So, twice? Thrice?
- No. No.
221
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:27,980
Do share
222
00:08:27,981 --> 00:08:29,949
- Men:
Oy, what a knight
- Women:
Oy, what a
223
00:08:29,950 --> 00:08:31,283
Diddle, deedle, didle
224
00:08:31,284 --> 00:08:33,485
He's our hero
He's my idol
225
00:08:33,486 --> 00:08:34,987
He's adored by one and all
226
00:08:34,988 --> 00:08:38,958
- You guys!
-
And so, tonight, to honor our crusader
227
00:08:38,959 --> 00:08:40,626
Gloria:
You are all invited later
228
00:08:40,627 --> 00:08:43,462
To a fancy-schmancy ball
229
00:08:43,463 --> 00:08:45,631
Oy, yoy, yoy, yoy
230
00:08:45,632 --> 00:08:47,299
Oy, yoy-yoy-yoy-yoy
231
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:48,967
Oy, what a knight
232
00:08:48,968 --> 00:08:52,104
Oy, what a knight! Hey!
233
00:08:52,105 --> 00:08:54,239
Oy vey. [Whimpers]
234
00:08:55,576 --> 00:08:56,743
Galavant: My God.
235
00:08:56,745 --> 00:09:00,544
[Singsong voice] Lot of dolls for a boy.
236
00:09:00,546 --> 00:09:03,074
I don't think they've changed
anything in here since he was 12.
237
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:05,384
Oh, they love him. I think it's sweet.
238
00:09:05,385 --> 00:09:07,986
Aren't you sugar and spice
and everything nice?
239
00:09:07,987 --> 00:09:10,675
Well, aren't you rudeness
and sarcasm and everything...
240
00:09:10,677 --> 00:09:12,894
- Um...
- No, go on.
241
00:09:12,896 --> 00:09:15,594
You find something that rhymes
with "sarcasm" and makes sense,
242
00:09:15,595 --> 00:09:16,795
and I'll take the floor tonight.
243
00:09:16,796 --> 00:09:19,264
You know what? I think...
244
00:09:19,265 --> 00:09:22,367
So, this is getting a little
bigger than I anticipated.
245
00:09:22,368 --> 00:09:26,137
They have a certain image of me,
and I am just so sorry.
246
00:09:26,138 --> 00:09:28,173
- There's no need to apologize.
- What?
247
00:09:28,174 --> 00:09:31,610
Gloria: Sid, the feldman boy
wants to draw you,
248
00:09:31,611 --> 00:09:34,886
and we need that squire of yours
to help set up the party!
249
00:09:34,888 --> 00:09:36,715
Coming, mom!
250
00:09:36,716 --> 00:09:40,152
Just... just please? Please?
251
00:09:40,153 --> 00:09:43,668
I'll be damned if I'm working
a ball in my squire's honor.
252
00:09:45,402 --> 00:09:48,152
Always about you, isn't it, Galavant?
253
00:09:48,154 --> 00:09:49,961
I'm on a journey
to save your kingdom, aren't I?
254
00:09:49,962 --> 00:09:52,064
You're on a journey to get your girl back.
255
00:09:52,065 --> 00:09:54,366
At least let's not lie
to each other about that.
256
00:09:54,367 --> 00:09:57,803
You know what? You stay detached
and apathetic, Galavant.
257
00:09:57,804 --> 00:09:59,171
You do it quite well.
258
00:09:59,172 --> 00:10:02,407
And whilst you do, I will put on
my pretty purple dress
259
00:10:02,408 --> 00:10:05,010
for my new friend and pretend
to be his bride-to-be.
260
00:10:05,011 --> 00:10:06,978
And maybe that makes me
all sugar and spice
261
00:10:06,979 --> 00:10:09,614
and everything nice, but Lord
knows I much prefer that
262
00:10:09,615 --> 00:10:12,984
over rudeness and sarcasm and back spasms!
263
00:10:12,985 --> 00:10:14,119
Bit of a stretch.
264
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:16,721
I trained in monologues, not poetry!
265
00:10:19,625 --> 00:10:24,196
"I'm so jealous of the girl
who gets to be your wife.
266
00:10:24,197 --> 00:10:26,331
Love, mom."
267
00:10:26,332 --> 00:10:27,632
[Groans]
268
00:10:33,005 --> 00:10:35,040
Hey, Gareth, did you see how excited
269
00:10:35,041 --> 00:10:36,775
Madalena got about this party?
270
00:10:36,776 --> 00:10:39,544
I should have shown her
my magnanimous side weeks ago.
271
00:10:39,545 --> 00:10:42,013
Speaking of wifey,
is she still locked up there
272
00:10:42,013 --> 00:10:44,091
banging out jokes with the Jester?
273
00:10:44,093 --> 00:10:46,851
I suspect they're banging out
a few things, yes, sir.
274
00:10:46,852 --> 00:10:49,387
Wonderful.
275
00:10:49,388 --> 00:10:51,856
Ooh, my chef! Talk to me, kiddo.
276
00:10:51,857 --> 00:10:54,993
Uh, uh, oh, well, my... my research shows
277
00:10:54,994 --> 00:10:58,129
that the Valencians have
religious aversions to meat,
278
00:10:58,130 --> 00:11:01,232
and they live almost entirely
off their own crops.
279
00:11:01,233 --> 00:11:02,701
How resourceful.
280
00:11:02,702 --> 00:11:04,202
It was, My King.
281
00:11:04,203 --> 00:11:07,138
Unfortunately, you burned all
their crops during the invasion.
282
00:11:07,139 --> 00:11:09,407
- Yeah?
- You set their fields ablaze
283
00:11:09,408 --> 00:11:11,743
and... and announced
to all the lands, uh...
284
00:11:11,744 --> 00:11:15,013
"Ooh, yeah. Take that, Valencia."
285
00:11:15,014 --> 00:11:17,615
You kept only a small portion
of vegetables for yourself.
286
00:11:17,616 --> 00:11:19,117
[Chuckling] Oh, of course...
287
00:11:19,118 --> 00:11:20,785
The carrot getting stuck in the teeth.
288
00:11:20,786 --> 00:11:23,254
That's why I needed
to have the toothpicks made.
289
00:11:23,255 --> 00:11:25,256
Tell you what. Let's table this
for the time being.
290
00:11:25,257 --> 00:11:26,558
We'll work something else out.
291
00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:29,694
So, Gareth, have you found me
any musicians?
292
00:11:29,695 --> 00:11:33,131
Well, unfortunately,
we executed all their musicians,
293
00:11:33,132 --> 00:11:35,500
but I've improvised.
294
00:11:35,501 --> 00:11:36,734
These are our executioners,
295
00:11:36,735 --> 00:11:39,070
and this geezer
is really good on the drums.
296
00:11:39,071 --> 00:11:42,440
Oh, wonderful. What songs
do you know how to play?
297
00:11:42,441 --> 00:11:44,409
[Clears throat]
298
00:11:44,410 --> 00:11:46,578
[Execution prelude plays]
299
00:11:48,714 --> 00:11:50,381
Hmm?
300
00:11:50,382 --> 00:11:52,183
It is catchy. I'll give you that.
301
00:11:52,184 --> 00:11:54,819
It's not quite right, though.
What else do you know?
302
00:11:54,820 --> 00:11:58,022
Uh, we... we mainly
just know death, My King.
303
00:11:58,023 --> 00:12:01,459
Chef, I've killed...
Most of your family, right?
304
00:12:01,460 --> 00:12:03,061
Wiped them out all out, My King.
305
00:12:03,062 --> 00:12:06,330
Excellent. Tell me, what does a
person do just before they die?
306
00:12:06,331 --> 00:12:07,702
Well, my father cried.
307
00:12:07,704 --> 00:12:09,867
A lot of them do weep, actually.
308
00:12:09,868 --> 00:12:11,235
- And they wet theirselves.
- Oh.
309
00:12:11,236 --> 00:12:12,770
- Also true. Yeah.
- Yeah.
310
00:12:12,771 --> 00:12:14,439
Well, this already sounds like a song.
311
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:16,107
- It just needs the dancing part.
- Mm.
312
00:12:16,108 --> 00:12:18,109
I want a solid beat, but keep it peppy.
313
00:12:19,296 --> 00:12:21,779
Ah. How about this?
314
00:12:21,780 --> 00:12:25,249
A-one, two, a-one, two, three, four.
315
00:12:25,250 --> 00:12:27,151
[Execution prelude plays]
316
00:12:32,257 --> 00:12:34,158
Big finish.
317
00:12:37,718 --> 00:12:39,430
You know what? That is really close.
318
00:12:39,431 --> 00:12:41,766
But let's just keep workshopping it, okay?
319
00:12:43,135 --> 00:12:44,335
You'll be great.
320
00:12:48,723 --> 00:12:52,765
Well, another party for the fancy
folk that get to bathe once a month.
321
00:12:52,767 --> 00:12:54,397
[Sighs] Oh, that reminds me.
322
00:12:54,530 --> 00:12:57,399
Did you hear about the knight
that got off his high horse?
323
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,401
- No.
- Me, neither.
324
00:12:59,402 --> 00:13:01,002
[Laughs]
325
00:13:01,003 --> 00:13:02,404
[Laughter]
326
00:13:08,077 --> 00:13:10,378
[Chuckling]
327
00:13:10,379 --> 00:13:12,380
Knights suck.
328
00:13:12,381 --> 00:13:13,882
They're not all that bad, are they?
329
00:13:13,883 --> 00:13:15,049
[Chuckles]
330
00:13:15,050 --> 00:13:17,065
- Sure, they are!
- Worse, even!
331
00:13:17,377 --> 00:13:21,055
Your average knight in armor,
he's utterly the pits
332
00:13:21,055 --> 00:13:24,524
His ego's so humongous
that his helmet barely fits
333
00:13:24,526 --> 00:13:28,329
He wears two tons of padding
and thinks he's quite the man
334
00:13:28,330 --> 00:13:31,933
He's nothing but a jackass
in a fancy metal can
335
00:13:31,934 --> 00:13:33,768
All:
A jackass in a can
336
00:13:33,769 --> 00:13:35,436
There's nothing worser than
337
00:13:35,437 --> 00:13:38,606
Some high-and-mighty jackass in a can
338
00:13:38,607 --> 00:13:39,774
[All spit]
339
00:13:39,775 --> 00:13:42,343
My master hasn't had a sip of his grog
340
00:13:42,344 --> 00:13:43,878
without my spit in it in years.
341
00:13:43,879 --> 00:13:45,546
I've got him craving it now.
342
00:13:45,547 --> 00:13:48,015
I gave it to him once without,
and he said it didn't taste right.
343
00:13:48,016 --> 00:13:49,016
[Laughs]
344
00:13:49,017 --> 00:13:51,085
[Laughter]
345
00:13:51,086 --> 00:13:53,421
So... what about your knight?
346
00:13:53,422 --> 00:13:54,622
As bad as ours?
347
00:13:54,623 --> 00:13:57,625
Oh, uh... yeah, sure.
348
00:13:59,261 --> 00:14:01,128
There's all that fame and glory?
349
00:14:01,129 --> 00:14:02,630
The smell, though, not so great.
350
00:14:02,631 --> 00:14:04,732
And then, those big, long lances.
351
00:14:04,733 --> 00:14:06,567
Yeah, to overcompensate.
352
00:14:06,568 --> 00:14:08,236
The glamour and swagger?
353
00:14:08,237 --> 00:14:10,104
Yeah, I'm really not a fan.
354
00:14:10,105 --> 00:14:12,306
- He's quite a...
- Major Dillweed.
355
00:14:12,307 --> 00:14:13,908
In a fancy metal can
356
00:14:13,909 --> 00:14:15,743
All:
A Dillweed in a can
357
00:14:15,744 --> 00:14:17,578
There's nothing lamer than
358
00:14:17,579 --> 00:14:20,915
A condescending Dillweed in a can
359
00:14:20,916 --> 00:14:22,650
And who does all the planning?
360
00:14:22,651 --> 00:14:24,885
- Yeah. Who does all the work?
- True.
361
00:14:24,886 --> 00:14:26,487
Who gets no vacation?
362
00:14:26,487 --> 00:14:28,588
-
Not one pay raise, not one perk
- Good point.
363
00:14:28,590 --> 00:14:31,826
Whose lousy insurance
comes without a dental plan?
364
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,761
Your average, humble squire?
365
00:14:33,762 --> 00:14:35,429
All: Not the meathead in the can!
366
00:14:35,430 --> 00:14:37,431
That jerkface in a can
367
00:14:37,432 --> 00:14:39,433
There's nothing sadder than
368
00:14:39,434 --> 00:14:41,569
Some over-muscled, chauvinistic
369
00:14:41,570 --> 00:14:43,237
Self-indulgent, egotistic
370
00:14:43,238 --> 00:14:44,939
Stingy, prissy, narcississy
371
00:14:44,940 --> 00:14:49,610
All:
Jackass in a can
372
00:14:49,611 --> 00:14:52,446
Oh, my God. That's me.
373
00:14:52,447 --> 00:14:54,415
[All spit]
374
00:14:58,153 --> 00:15:00,521
Really hoping for better turnout.
375
00:15:00,522 --> 00:15:03,290
This is everyone we have left.
376
00:15:03,291 --> 00:15:06,527
100% turnout! Fantastic!
377
00:15:06,528 --> 00:15:08,362
[Both giggling]
378
00:15:08,363 --> 00:15:09,630
Oh, good, you're here.
379
00:15:09,631 --> 00:15:12,800
Babe, can you believe
what I've thrown together?
380
00:15:12,801 --> 00:15:15,135
You're really feeling
King Richard the magnanimous
381
00:15:15,136 --> 00:15:17,638
right now, aren't you, huh? Hmm?
382
00:15:17,639 --> 00:15:19,807
Okay, I know you two
have been working really hard.
383
00:15:19,808 --> 00:15:22,843
Jester, they are primed and ready,
so get your jingly bells up on that stage.
384
00:15:22,844 --> 00:15:24,478
Come on, darling. Let's go.
385
00:15:24,479 --> 00:15:26,146
Oh, thanks for putting in
the work, darling.
386
00:15:26,147 --> 00:15:29,349
You know, this is nice,
us co-hosting like this.
387
00:15:29,350 --> 00:15:31,985
We need to find more activities
we can do together.
388
00:15:31,986 --> 00:15:32,909
Am I right?
389
00:15:32,911 --> 00:15:35,656
Jester: Hello, Valencia!
Here's one for you.
390
00:15:35,657 --> 00:15:38,458
Why did the chicken cross the road?
391
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:39,237
King Richard: Why?
392
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:41,795
Don't ask me. Ask the chicken!
393
00:15:41,796 --> 00:15:43,230
[Laughs]
394
00:15:43,231 --> 00:15:47,868
Ah, well, that's the end of my set,
so thank you all, and good night!
395
00:15:47,869 --> 00:15:49,636
[Bells jingling] What the hell, man?
396
00:15:49,637 --> 00:15:52,072
We thought we should leave them
wanting more.
397
00:15:52,073 --> 00:15:54,908
Oh. I guess I buy that.
398
00:15:54,909 --> 00:15:58,378
Valencians, who's hungry?
399
00:15:58,379 --> 00:15:59,813
Me. Me. Me. Me.
400
00:15:59,814 --> 00:16:01,648
Oh, of course you are, my darlings.
401
00:16:01,649 --> 00:16:03,717
Now, as you know,
I've burnt all your crops...
402
00:16:03,718 --> 00:16:05,519
[All groan] ...But what
you don't know is that
403
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:07,521
I saved a healthy portion for me.
404
00:16:07,522 --> 00:16:09,990
But if you can't have vegetables,
405
00:16:09,991 --> 00:16:12,159
then neither shall I.
406
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:16,029
[All gasp, scream]
407
00:16:16,030 --> 00:16:19,699
Oh, I see it now.
That was a horrible idea.
408
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:23,770
And now, for your listening
pleasure, the executioners!
409
00:16:23,771 --> 00:16:26,273
[Blade scraping rhythmically]
410
00:16:26,274 --> 00:16:28,608
["Dance Until You Die" plays]
411
00:16:28,610 --> 00:16:31,445
It's time to face the reaper
412
00:16:31,445 --> 00:16:34,247
You're on your way to hell
413
00:16:34,248 --> 00:16:39,286
Prepare to kiss
this mortal coil goodbye
414
00:16:39,287 --> 00:16:40,620
[Tempo quickens]
415
00:16:40,621 --> 00:16:42,022
But while you have the chance
416
00:16:42,023 --> 00:16:43,757
You might as well just dance
417
00:16:43,758 --> 00:16:46,092
Dance, dance, dance until you die
418
00:16:46,093 --> 00:16:47,861
Everybody, boogie!
419
00:16:47,862 --> 00:16:49,562
Your eyes will soon be bulging
420
00:16:49,563 --> 00:16:50,897
You'll beg and scream, as well
421
00:16:50,898 --> 00:16:53,400
You'll break down
like a baby girl and cry
422
00:16:53,401 --> 00:16:56,369
[Laughter, indistinct conversations]
423
00:16:56,370 --> 00:16:59,706
[Mugs clink]
424
00:17:01,375 --> 00:17:02,709
Congratulations, Sid.
425
00:17:02,710 --> 00:17:03,810
Thank you!
426
00:17:03,811 --> 00:17:07,147
We are so proud of you, Sidney.
427
00:17:07,148 --> 00:17:08,481
[Chuckles]
428
00:17:08,482 --> 00:17:12,419
Every father dreams of his son
being greater than he is,
429
00:17:12,420 --> 00:17:14,220
but no father dreams this big.
430
00:17:14,221 --> 00:17:16,189
[Chuckles] Oh, thanks, dad.
431
00:17:16,190 --> 00:17:18,758
Just want to make you proud. [Chuckles]
432
00:17:18,759 --> 00:17:20,160
- Gloria...
- Oh!
433
00:17:20,161 --> 00:17:23,730
If I didn't know any better, I would
think that you were the princess.
434
00:17:23,731 --> 00:17:25,064
[Gasps]
435
00:17:25,065 --> 00:17:27,500
Sid, she's a keeper!
436
00:17:27,501 --> 00:17:29,169
Mwah! [Chuckles]
437
00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:31,504
We're so excited about
our wedding, aren't we, Sid?
438
00:17:31,505 --> 00:17:33,840
Yay! There's much to plan.
439
00:17:33,841 --> 00:17:36,676
You're going to look so handsome
in your armor.
440
00:17:36,677 --> 00:17:37,854
[Chuckles]
441
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,081
Do the strangulation
442
00:17:43,083 --> 00:17:45,318
Do the asphyxiation
443
00:17:45,319 --> 00:17:47,787
Do the burn at the stake
444
00:17:47,788 --> 00:17:52,191
While you shimmy-shimmy-shake
445
00:17:52,192 --> 00:17:53,493
Executioners:
Dance, dance
446
00:17:53,494 --> 00:17:54,727
Dance, dance
447
00:17:54,728 --> 00:17:58,164
Dance, dance, dance until you die
448
00:17:58,165 --> 00:18:00,266
[Music fades down]
Dance, dance
449
00:18:12,046 --> 00:18:14,380
[Music fades up]
Dance,
dance, dance until...
450
00:18:14,381 --> 00:18:16,449
Stop! [Music stops]
451
00:18:17,260 --> 00:18:19,385
You guys aren't having any fun, are you?
452
00:18:19,386 --> 00:18:21,054
[Sadly] Time of my life.
453
00:18:21,055 --> 00:18:22,388
I'm so hungry!
454
00:18:22,389 --> 00:18:23,523
Come on.
455
00:18:23,524 --> 00:18:25,658
Pick any adjective to describe this ball.
456
00:18:25,659 --> 00:18:27,693
It's all right!
457
00:18:27,694 --> 00:18:29,529
Safe throne room.
458
00:18:29,530 --> 00:18:31,998
- Ill-conceived.
- Okay.
459
00:18:31,999 --> 00:18:33,866
A little shortsighted.
460
00:18:33,867 --> 00:18:35,368
See, that's what I'm talking about!
461
00:18:35,369 --> 00:18:38,704
Come on! Do some more!
Wait. Do me. Come on.
462
00:18:38,705 --> 00:18:40,807
Tell me what you think of me. Roast away.
463
00:18:40,808 --> 00:18:41,841
Pompous.
464
00:18:41,842 --> 00:18:44,010
It's true! I am! Always have been!
465
00:18:44,011 --> 00:18:45,545
Ridiculous! [Laughter]
466
00:18:45,546 --> 00:18:47,413
Well, finally, somebody said it.
467
00:18:47,414 --> 00:18:49,382
Stupidest king in all the land!
468
00:18:49,383 --> 00:18:51,984
[Laughter] How dare you?
469
00:18:51,985 --> 00:18:54,720
He's wearing tights!
470
00:18:54,721 --> 00:18:56,689
[High-pitched voice] Oh, yes, I'm
wearing tights! I'm so dainty!
471
00:18:56,690 --> 00:18:57,990
[Laughter]
472
00:18:57,991 --> 00:19:02,094
He'd have to be blind not to know that his
wife's getting it on with the Jester!
473
00:19:02,095 --> 00:19:05,164
[Laughs] [Laughter stops]
474
00:19:09,069 --> 00:19:10,636
Am I right?!
475
00:19:12,439 --> 00:19:15,441
Party's over.
476
00:19:15,442 --> 00:19:16,942
And, Gareth, kill the eunuch.
477
00:19:17,864 --> 00:19:19,765
[Execution prelude plays]
478
00:19:21,248 --> 00:19:23,082
[Indistinct conversations]
479
00:19:23,083 --> 00:19:25,584
A word, my... liege.
480
00:19:25,585 --> 00:19:28,254
Mm-hmm. Excuse me.
481
00:19:28,255 --> 00:19:30,856
Squires.
482
00:19:30,857 --> 00:19:34,226
[Sighs] You have no idea
how mortified I am, sir.
483
00:19:34,227 --> 00:19:37,263
- I promise that tomorrow, I'm...
- Do you know why I hired you, Sid?
484
00:19:37,264 --> 00:19:38,798
I assumed you'd lost a bet.
485
00:19:38,799 --> 00:19:40,800
[Chuckles, sighs]
486
00:19:40,801 --> 00:19:42,701
Everyone else filled their r?sum?s
487
00:19:42,702 --> 00:19:44,703
with skills that would impress me...
488
00:19:44,704 --> 00:19:48,040
Horse-shoeing or sword-sharpening.
489
00:19:48,041 --> 00:19:50,709
But you were yourself.
You told me who you were...
490
00:19:50,710 --> 00:19:52,645
A late sleeper and a lover of dolls.
491
00:19:52,646 --> 00:19:56,549
Figurines. Detailed figurines.
492
00:19:56,550 --> 00:19:58,617
Right, so, fancy dolls.
493
00:19:58,618 --> 00:20:01,554
But anyway, the point is,
it's the hardest thing in the world
494
00:20:01,555 --> 00:20:05,724
to find someone who is true to themselves,
and it's the thing I love most about you.
495
00:20:05,725 --> 00:20:07,660
- Did you just say you...
- Don't ruin this.
496
00:20:07,661 --> 00:20:10,496
It occurs to me that being a squire
497
00:20:10,497 --> 00:20:12,598
isn't a great job to begin with.
498
00:20:12,599 --> 00:20:15,434
And being mine is probably worse.
499
00:20:15,435 --> 00:20:17,102
[Chuckles] But you never complained.
500
00:20:17,103 --> 00:20:18,404
[Chuckles] Not once.
501
00:20:18,405 --> 00:20:21,006
You never abandoned me,
never spit in my ale.
502
00:20:22,509 --> 00:20:24,943
- Right? You've never done that.
- Of course not, sir.
503
00:20:24,944 --> 00:20:29,815
Look, I'll play any part you
want me to play here.
504
00:20:29,816 --> 00:20:32,151
But you should be proud
of the man you are.
505
00:20:32,152 --> 00:20:33,719
I know I certainly am.
506
00:20:40,593 --> 00:20:42,127
What was that?
507
00:20:42,128 --> 00:20:46,698
That, my lady, was a knight
getting off his high horse.
508
00:20:48,201 --> 00:20:51,270
Mom, dad, there's something
I need to tell you.
509
00:20:51,271 --> 00:20:54,239
Well, I'll be damned.
510
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:55,374
I wouldn't drink that.
511
00:20:55,375 --> 00:20:57,676
Well, why not?
I've already drunk half of it.
512
00:20:57,677 --> 00:21:00,445
Yeah, just carry on. It's fine.
513
00:21:00,495 --> 00:21:05,045
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