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1
00:00:01,218 --> 00:00:02,352
Eddie: It had been a few months
2
00:00:02,386 --> 00:00:03,767
since we moved
from D.C. to Orlando,
3
00:00:03,787 --> 00:00:04,821
and we were all looking forward
4
00:00:04,855 --> 00:00:06,627
to my mom's family
coming to visit.
5
00:00:06,647 --> 00:00:09,472
- This is a nightmare.
- Well, not all of us.
6
00:00:09,492 --> 00:00:11,693
You know your brother-in-law's
only coming to gloat
7
00:00:11,727 --> 00:00:13,562
about our restaurant
not being successful.
8
00:00:13,596 --> 00:00:15,497
Louis, they're family.
9
00:00:15,531 --> 00:00:18,466
They're coming to gloat
about all of our misfortunes...
10
00:00:18,501 --> 00:00:20,001
the restaurant, Eddie.
11
00:00:20,036 --> 00:00:22,504
Getting away from Steve
and his stupid store
12
00:00:22,538 --> 00:00:24,573
was supposed to be
one of the perks of moving here.
13
00:00:24,640 --> 00:00:26,675
Okay, we got
the I-shaped sectional,
14
00:00:26,742 --> 00:00:28,944
the entertainment center,
the deluxe love seat...
15
00:00:28,978 --> 00:00:30,668
Is this man bothering you?
16
00:00:30,688 --> 00:00:32,264
Say the word,
and I'll call the police.
17
00:00:32,284 --> 00:00:33,710
[Laughs]
18
00:00:33,730 --> 00:00:35,264
[Chuckles] That's funny.
19
00:00:35,284 --> 00:00:37,418
Uh, Mr. and Mrs., uh, Oberg,
20
00:00:37,452 --> 00:00:39,654
this is my boss-in-law, Steve.
21
00:00:39,688 --> 00:00:41,822
[Chuckles]
I was just about to finalize...
22
00:00:41,857 --> 00:00:43,557
getting us all some twizzlers.
23
00:00:43,592 --> 00:00:45,660
There were no twizzlers.
24
00:00:45,694 --> 00:00:47,628
- We have twizzlers?!
- What? No.
25
00:00:47,663 --> 00:00:49,397
[Sighs]
I thought there were twizzlers.
26
00:00:49,431 --> 00:00:51,032
[Sighs]
27
00:00:51,066 --> 00:00:52,600
At least with
your whole family coming,
28
00:00:52,634 --> 00:00:55,122
Steve can't drive
his stupid used Miata.
29
00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:58,853
- Steve says his Miata is new.
- It's not new! It's used!
30
00:00:58,873 --> 00:01:01,055
I'm sorry. It's just... I...
31
00:01:01,075 --> 00:01:03,543
No, it's okay. You're right.
32
00:01:03,578 --> 00:01:07,614
My sister can't wait to see
us struggling in this swampland.
33
00:01:07,648 --> 00:01:08,648
How do you know?
34
00:01:08,683 --> 00:01:11,018
She called me yesterday,
and she told me.
35
00:01:11,052 --> 00:01:14,523
I can't wait to see
your new home.
36
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:17,290
It's a little cozy,
37
00:01:17,325 --> 00:01:21,161
but there's always room
for my dear sister.
38
00:01:21,195 --> 00:01:25,256
The whole family's
so proud of you.
39
00:01:27,355 --> 00:01:29,449
_
40
00:01:29,469 --> 00:01:32,819
She's just bitter because I have
always been mom's favorite.
41
00:01:32,839 --> 00:01:34,206
That's why she's coming.
42
00:01:34,241 --> 00:01:36,308
She wants mom
to see us struggling.
43
00:01:36,343 --> 00:01:38,143
But they will be
in for a surprise
44
00:01:38,178 --> 00:01:41,406
when they see
how well we are doing.
45
00:01:41,426 --> 00:01:42,648
But we're not.
46
00:01:42,682 --> 00:01:45,033
Yes, but they don't know that.
47
00:01:45,779 --> 00:01:48,117
I've never loved you more.
48
00:01:48,537 --> 00:01:50,089
Ew! Gross!
49
00:01:50,123 --> 00:01:51,423
I think it's great
50
00:01:51,458 --> 00:01:53,425
that you guys still have passion
in your marriage.
51
00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:54,893
[Chuckles]
52
00:01:55,065 --> 00:01:56,977
S01E04
Success Perm
53
00:01:56,997 --> 00:01:58,130
Fresh off the boat
54
00:01:58,164 --> 00:01:59,999
I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go
55
00:02:00,033 --> 00:02:02,134
If you don't know, homey,
now you know
56
00:02:02,168 --> 00:02:03,402
Fresh off the boat
57
00:02:03,436 --> 00:02:06,071
Homey, you don't know
where I come from
58
00:02:06,139 --> 00:02:07,272
But I know where I'm goin'
59
00:02:07,307 --> 00:02:08,840
I'm fresh off the boat
60
00:02:08,860 --> 00:02:10,357
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:02:11,078 --> 00:02:12,311
My relatives were on their way,
62
00:02:12,345 --> 00:02:14,680
but the way my parents were
acting, you would have thought
63
00:02:14,714 --> 00:02:16,281
Mariah Carey
was coming to visit.
64
00:02:16,316 --> 00:02:18,450
I mean, a hot, pre-Nick Cannon,
65
00:02:18,485 --> 00:02:21,876
"in the Washington wizards
dress" Mariah Carey.
66
00:02:22,286 --> 00:02:25,567
They were putting up fake
lemon trees all over the house,
67
00:02:25,803 --> 00:02:28,079
fancying up the bathroom...
68
00:02:30,163 --> 00:02:32,097
basically doing
anything they could
69
00:02:32,132 --> 00:02:33,699
to look like ballers.
70
00:02:33,733 --> 00:02:35,234
Kennedy-Powell: All right,
the record should reflect now
71
00:02:35,268 --> 00:02:37,102
that the defendant is present
with counsel.
72
00:02:37,137 --> 00:02:38,804
You may be seated, if you wish.
73
00:02:38,838 --> 00:02:41,607
Eddie: Even though my parents
were tripping, I was psyched
74
00:02:41,641 --> 00:02:43,767
because my favorite cousin
Justin was coming.
75
00:02:44,401 --> 00:02:46,144
Justin was only
six months older than me,
76
00:02:46,179 --> 00:02:48,113
but he was the one
who changed my life forever.
77
00:02:48,147 --> 00:02:50,932
Yo. Check this out.
78
00:02:52,337 --> 00:02:53,819
Dr. Dre:
You are now about to witness
79
00:02:53,853 --> 00:02:55,687
the strength
of street knowledge.
80
00:02:55,722 --> 00:02:58,223
[N.W.A's
"Straight Outta Compton" plays]
81
00:02:58,258 --> 00:03:00,025
Straight outta Compton,
crazy mother...
82
00:03:00,059 --> 00:03:02,728
[Music stops]
83
00:03:03,306 --> 00:03:05,831
Eddie: From that moment on,
I was A.W.O...
84
00:03:05,865 --> 00:03:07,933
Asian with obsession.
85
00:03:07,967 --> 00:03:09,234
I couldn't wait to show Justin
86
00:03:09,268 --> 00:03:11,570
how deep my hip-hop knowledge
had gotten.
87
00:03:11,604 --> 00:03:12,804
Everything had to be perfect
88
00:03:12,839 --> 00:03:14,940
for when I busted out
the new 2Pac.
89
00:03:14,974 --> 00:03:16,108
What's a 2-pack?
90
00:03:16,142 --> 00:03:19,344
It's not for you.
Your baby ears aren't ready.
91
00:03:19,379 --> 00:03:21,213
Remember the time
a ladybug crawled in my ear?
92
00:03:21,247 --> 00:03:24,182
Evan, Emery, grandma chu
will be staying in your room.
93
00:03:24,217 --> 00:03:25,484
- Yay!
- Grandma party!
94
00:03:25,518 --> 00:03:27,152
You won't be sleeping there.
95
00:03:27,186 --> 00:03:28,587
Aw. Aw.
96
00:03:28,621 --> 00:03:30,977
I have made other arrangements.
97
00:03:32,692 --> 00:03:34,626
Why can't we sleep on the couch?
98
00:03:34,660 --> 00:03:36,128
Because then your aunt
and Uncle will know
99
00:03:36,162 --> 00:03:37,729
we don't have enough bedrooms.
100
00:03:37,764 --> 00:03:40,532
[Inhales deeply]
And they must never know that.
101
00:03:40,566 --> 00:03:42,167
Okay, I just talked to Mitch,
102
00:03:42,201 --> 00:03:44,236
and we have a great promotion
set for Saturday.
103
00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:46,538
All the boomin' onions
you can eat for 99 cents.
104
00:03:46,572 --> 00:03:49,574
Yes! Cattleman's will be packed
when we take your family there.
105
00:03:49,609 --> 00:03:51,309
Won't you lose money?
106
00:03:51,344 --> 00:03:53,812
Well, sometimes you have
to spend money you don't have
107
00:03:53,846 --> 00:03:55,714
to make it seem like you
have money that you don't spend.
108
00:03:55,748 --> 00:03:57,449
[Chuckles] Mm!
109
00:03:57,483 --> 00:03:59,050
Okay, house is ready.
110
00:03:59,085 --> 00:04:02,287
Now it's our turn.
We need a new look.
111
00:04:02,321 --> 00:04:06,858
We need a look
that instantly says... "success."
112
00:04:08,577 --> 00:04:09,561
Let me explain.
113
00:04:09,595 --> 00:04:11,396
In addition to fake lemon trees,
114
00:04:11,464 --> 00:04:13,331
another thing Chinese people
did to show prosperity
115
00:04:13,366 --> 00:04:14,966
was get a perm.
116
00:04:15,001 --> 00:04:16,668
I don't know why,
but to my people,
117
00:04:16,702 --> 00:04:18,436
curls were like dollar signs.
118
00:04:18,471 --> 00:04:20,538
These success perms were a great idea.
[Chuckles]
119
00:04:20,573 --> 00:04:24,809
I feel like a curly-headed lion
surveying my kingdom.
120
00:04:25,778 --> 00:04:28,161
They're coming! They're coming!
121
00:04:30,683 --> 00:04:32,917
We're ready.
122
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:35,720
[Chuckles]
123
00:04:37,156 --> 00:04:38,851
Oh! [Both chuckle]
124
00:04:39,150 --> 00:04:40,558
Connie!
125
00:04:42,728 --> 00:04:44,863
Oh, your boobs are so big!
126
00:04:44,897 --> 00:04:47,165
I know. They're new.
127
00:04:47,233 --> 00:04:49,334
I had to give up jogging.
128
00:04:49,368 --> 00:04:51,669
[Laughs] [Chuckling]
Oh, I can tell.
129
00:04:51,704 --> 00:04:54,138
Oh! They are big. [Chuckles]
130
00:04:59,489 --> 00:05:00,725
Nirvana?
131
00:05:00,745 --> 00:05:02,613
Justin, yo,
why you dressed like that?
132
00:05:02,648 --> 00:05:04,215
It's grunge.
133
00:05:04,249 --> 00:05:06,284
It reflects what I feel
on the inside.
134
00:05:06,318 --> 00:05:08,551
Your shirt looks like
a picnic blanket.
135
00:05:08,571 --> 00:05:09,721
Thank you.
136
00:05:09,755 --> 00:05:10,688
Where's Steve?
137
00:05:10,723 --> 00:05:12,657
[Tires squeal]
138
00:05:12,691 --> 00:05:15,626
[Motley Crue's "Kickstart my
heart" playing] [Horn honking]
139
00:05:15,661 --> 00:05:17,628
He drove separately.
140
00:05:17,663 --> 00:05:20,231
[Squealing and honking]
141
00:05:20,265 --> 00:05:23,280
He drove separately
for 13 hours... Mm.
142
00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:25,536
Just so he could bring
that stupid car.
143
00:05:25,937 --> 00:05:27,414
[Chuckles]
144
00:05:34,365 --> 00:05:36,540
He got a success perm, too.
145
00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:38,716
I see that. I can see that.
146
00:05:40,353 --> 00:05:43,312
Did somebody order chinese?!
[Chuckles]
147
00:05:46,348 --> 00:05:47,815
Ooh! Fancy place.
148
00:05:47,883 --> 00:05:50,384
Have I got the "Huang" house?
[Laughs]
149
00:05:50,419 --> 00:05:52,667
[Laughs]
150
00:05:52,687 --> 00:05:54,488
- That's a great joke, Steve.
- Oh, hi!
151
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:56,190
Funny every time you tell it.
152
00:05:56,224 --> 00:05:57,257
[Laughs]
153
00:05:57,292 --> 00:05:58,592
[Car alarm chirps]
154
00:05:58,626 --> 00:06:00,027
Sweet ride, Uncle Steve.
155
00:06:00,061 --> 00:06:01,595
Hey, thanks, Emery.
156
00:06:01,629 --> 00:06:04,231
If you work hard
and you're smart like me,
157
00:06:04,265 --> 00:06:06,500
some day you can have
a brand-new Miata.
158
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,302
Or used, because it's used.
159
00:06:08,336 --> 00:06:10,435
[Both laugh]
160
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,373
Yo.
161
00:06:13,408 --> 00:06:15,625
You want to help me with this?
162
00:06:15,645 --> 00:06:17,110
I have my own baggage.
163
00:06:17,947 --> 00:06:19,103
Emotional.
164
00:06:19,999 --> 00:06:22,563
So, the furniture store
is doing really well,
165
00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:23,750
and I thought, "why not?"
166
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,752
You only live once, right?
167
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,654
And now you are equipped
with air bags.
168
00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:29,789
[Both laugh]
169
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,441
So, how was the trip down?
170
00:06:34,461 --> 00:06:37,463
I know mom can be
so critical of your driving.
171
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:39,698
Oh, she was complaining
the whole time...
172
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:40,833
Mm.
173
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,179
Oh! Ah-ma!
174
00:06:45,654 --> 00:06:46,739
About you.
175
00:06:46,773 --> 00:06:47,940
What?!
176
00:06:47,974 --> 00:06:51,599
She's been feeling
a little abandoned, you know?
177
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,962
Because you abandoned her.
178
00:06:53,982 --> 00:06:55,043
Connie!
179
00:06:55,063 --> 00:06:58,190
_
180
00:06:58,210 --> 00:07:00,266
Looks like you're
not her favorite anymore.
181
00:07:00,286 --> 00:07:02,020
Guess who is.
182
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,656
Are you thinking?
Are you thinking about who is?
183
00:07:04,690 --> 00:07:05,724
Connie!
184
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:08,059
Coming, ah-ma.
185
00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:12,044
And that's my lazy Susan,
186
00:07:12,064 --> 00:07:13,831
because, you know,
sometimes we get lazy.
187
00:07:13,865 --> 00:07:15,299
[Both laugh]
188
00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:17,535
[Pager beeps] Oh, that's my, uh, pager.
[Chuckles]
189
00:07:17,569 --> 00:07:20,104
We're opening a second store.
Business, right?
190
00:07:20,138 --> 00:07:22,206
[Both chuckle]
Tell me about it.
191
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,075
My restaurant is so successful,
192
00:07:24,109 --> 00:07:27,144
I had to put in
a dedicated fax line.
193
00:07:27,179 --> 00:07:29,213
[Both chuckle]
194
00:07:29,733 --> 00:07:31,248
It seems kind of
quiet now, Louis.
195
00:07:31,283 --> 00:07:33,906
It's in recharge mode. Tired.
196
00:07:33,926 --> 00:07:35,052
[Both laugh]
197
00:07:35,086 --> 00:07:38,005
All right, dad, it's all set up.
198
00:07:39,062 --> 00:07:41,131
I brought along
my Internet computer.
199
00:07:41,151 --> 00:07:43,237
I need to check on
my store's webpage.
200
00:07:43,257 --> 00:07:44,650
[Both chuckle]
201
00:07:47,224 --> 00:07:48,966
[Modem dialing]
202
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:51,091
[Both laugh]
203
00:07:52,737 --> 00:07:54,638
[Modem connecting]
204
00:08:00,378 --> 00:08:01,812
[Sniffs]
205
00:08:03,915 --> 00:08:05,849
[Sniffs]
206
00:08:09,754 --> 00:08:11,688
Hmm.
207
00:08:12,723 --> 00:08:13,956
I have to go to the bathroom.
208
00:08:13,991 --> 00:08:15,224
Yeah, go, go.
Go to the bathroom.
209
00:08:15,259 --> 00:08:16,678
We got plenty of time.
210
00:08:19,476 --> 00:08:20,530
Ito: All right, deputy jex,
211
00:08:20,564 --> 00:08:22,598
would you just take
a step back, please?
212
00:08:22,633 --> 00:08:26,831
This is people's 164-a?
Is that the right-hand glove?
213
00:08:26,851 --> 00:08:30,239
Darden: Seems to be having a problem
putting the glove on his hand.
214
00:08:30,582 --> 00:08:33,297
_
215
00:08:33,317 --> 00:08:36,625
_
216
00:08:36,762 --> 00:08:38,006
_
217
00:08:38,026 --> 00:08:41,002
_
218
00:08:41,022 --> 00:08:42,897
_
219
00:08:42,917 --> 00:08:45,253
The real juice is loose.
220
00:08:48,203 --> 00:08:50,092
Mom, would you like some tea?
You must be so tired.
221
00:08:50,112 --> 00:08:51,527
[Television volume increases]
222
00:08:51,561 --> 00:08:56,164
I have green, oolong [Louder]
chrysanthemum, sleepytime!
223
00:08:56,313 --> 00:08:57,646
Eddie: Something was up
with my cousin,
224
00:08:57,666 --> 00:09:00,301
but whatever it was, I knew
what would snap him out of it.
225
00:09:00,336 --> 00:09:01,803
I was thinking we should start
with the old stuff
226
00:09:01,837 --> 00:09:03,513
and work forward.
227
00:09:04,506 --> 00:09:06,241
Are you guys having a rap party?
228
00:09:06,275 --> 00:09:07,830
I'm M.C. Hammer!
229
00:09:10,613 --> 00:09:11,846
Get out!
230
00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:13,704
Come on. Let's go.
[Door closes]
231
00:09:13,724 --> 00:09:16,428
Sorry about that. Kids.
232
00:09:16,448 --> 00:09:19,047
I'm thinking of moving
to Seattle.
233
00:09:19,569 --> 00:09:21,949
Or we could just start
with this.
234
00:09:21,969 --> 00:09:26,284
Oh, I-I'm not into 2Pac anymore.
He's just a little immature.
235
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:30,463
You want to listen to
some real grown-up music?
236
00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:36,743
[Live's "Lightning crashes" plays]
the angel opens her eyes
237
00:09:38,763 --> 00:09:40,741
Pale-blue-colored iris
238
00:09:41,897 --> 00:09:43,680
Presents the circle
[Chuckling] Oh, it's so good.
239
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:46,260
And puts the glory out to hide
This woman's terrible.
240
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:47,170
Hide
241
00:09:48,850 --> 00:09:50,637
Mom won't even talk to me.
242
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:53,671
Aw. That's too bad.
243
00:09:53,691 --> 00:09:56,078
Thanks for letting me and Steve
stay in your bedroom.
244
00:09:56,098 --> 00:09:58,975
It's cute.
Like a little mouse shoe.
245
00:09:59,126 --> 00:10:01,160
You are loving this, aren't you?
246
00:10:01,195 --> 00:10:03,296
Not at all, but if you want,
247
00:10:03,330 --> 00:10:05,464
I can put in a good word
for you with mom
248
00:10:05,499 --> 00:10:07,287
during our evening chat.
249
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:09,735
We put on our slippers
and talk about the family.
250
00:10:09,770 --> 00:10:12,024
We call it slipper talk.
251
00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:13,272
Okay, fine.
252
00:10:13,307 --> 00:10:15,107
You may be mom's new favorite,
253
00:10:15,175 --> 00:10:16,876
but I'm going to win her back
254
00:10:16,910 --> 00:10:18,844
by using what's
most important to her.
255
00:10:18,879 --> 00:10:21,872
- "Wheel of fortune"?
- A good bargain.
256
00:10:21,892 --> 00:10:24,664
You may be living
your fancy lifestyle
257
00:10:24,684 --> 00:10:26,618
with your ta-tas
and your Miatas,
258
00:10:26,686 --> 00:10:29,621
but what mom cares about most
is stretching a dollar.
259
00:10:29,656 --> 00:10:31,089
Oh, little sister.
260
00:10:31,124 --> 00:10:32,658
Just because
Steve and I are cushy
261
00:10:32,692 --> 00:10:35,360
doesn't mean I can't sniff out
a good deal.
262
00:10:35,395 --> 00:10:38,664
Designer luggage... 75% off.
263
00:10:38,698 --> 00:10:42,034
When I told mom,
she almost smiled.
264
00:10:42,068 --> 00:10:44,803
Well, wait till I show her
these silk throw pillows.
265
00:10:44,837 --> 00:10:47,305
90% off
from a condemned hospital.
266
00:10:47,340 --> 00:10:50,041
Why don't we go shopping,
see who can find a better deal?
267
00:10:50,076 --> 00:10:51,977
Well, let's take this
to the hole...
268
00:10:52,011 --> 00:10:53,779
Tammy's fashion hole,
where they have
269
00:10:53,813 --> 00:10:57,129
an unprecedented selection
of only left shoes.
270
00:10:57,149 --> 00:10:59,050
What a coincidence.
271
00:10:59,084 --> 00:11:01,118
That's my preferred
discount shoe.
272
00:11:01,153 --> 00:11:03,120
Grandma Chu: Connie!
273
00:11:03,155 --> 00:11:05,082
Coming, ah-ma!
274
00:11:07,426 --> 00:11:09,327
[Modem connecting continues]
275
00:11:09,361 --> 00:11:10,995
[Sighs]
276
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:18,903
Connie and my mom have
slipper talk.
277
00:11:18,937 --> 00:11:20,705
Steve has a fancy noise box.
278
00:11:20,739 --> 00:11:23,655
Yeah, it's called Connie.
[Chuckles softly]
279
00:11:23,675 --> 00:11:25,242
We need to step up our game.
280
00:11:25,276 --> 00:11:27,377
Don't worry, baby. We got this.
281
00:11:27,412 --> 00:11:30,180
So, while this is happening,
282
00:11:30,214 --> 00:11:32,416
I have a chance to say
how excited I am
283
00:11:32,450 --> 00:11:34,217
to show you
Cattleman's Ranch tomorrow.
284
00:11:34,252 --> 00:11:35,318
It's gonna be a full house.
285
00:11:35,353 --> 00:11:36,887
Well, why wait
to see this restaurant
286
00:11:36,921 --> 00:11:37,888
I've heard so much about?
287
00:11:37,922 --> 00:11:40,824
I made a reservation
for tonight.
288
00:11:41,859 --> 00:11:43,493
Oh, well,
I don't think the restaurant
289
00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:45,395
can accommodate on such short notice.
[Chuckles]
290
00:11:45,430 --> 00:11:47,531
Oh, no, not a problem.
The manager was really nice.
291
00:11:47,565 --> 00:11:49,900
He said there were
plenty of tables.
292
00:11:49,934 --> 00:11:50,867
[Chuckles]
293
00:11:50,902 --> 00:11:52,502
Oh. [Chuckles]
294
00:11:52,537 --> 00:11:53,937
[Telephone rings] Oh.
295
00:11:53,971 --> 00:11:55,605
Howdy. Cattleman's Ranch.
296
00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,778
Mitch, how many tables
are booked for tonight?
297
00:11:58,798 --> 00:11:59,709
Uh, let's see. Oh, just one.
298
00:11:59,744 --> 00:12:01,645
Ooh, but it's a big party of 10.
299
00:12:01,679 --> 00:12:03,613
Okay, well,
there's a change of plans.
300
00:12:03,648 --> 00:12:06,025
Me and my family
are coming in tonight.
301
00:12:06,045 --> 00:12:09,399
I need you to fill up
the restaurant any way you can.
302
00:12:09,419 --> 00:12:10,986
Well, I got that big party
of 10 coming in.
303
00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:12,888
No, we're the big party of 10!
304
00:12:12,923 --> 00:12:14,023
You and me?
305
00:12:14,057 --> 00:12:17,078
Me and my family are the big party of 10!
306
00:12:19,463 --> 00:12:22,198
Steve: Let's go. Everybody in.
Dinner's on Uncle Louis tonight.
307
00:12:22,232 --> 00:12:24,667
Do you like my outfit, mom?
I got a great deal.
308
00:12:24,701 --> 00:12:26,535
Half off on all sport separates.
309
00:12:26,570 --> 00:12:29,052
Mom, you like my jacket?
310
00:12:29,072 --> 00:12:31,240
It was 60%,
and it glows in the dark,
311
00:12:31,274 --> 00:12:34,613
so I save money
on electricity, too.
312
00:12:35,545 --> 00:12:38,247
[Laughs] Oh, hey, boss man.
313
00:12:38,281 --> 00:12:40,949
I see you've dropped by
for a little impromptu dinner
314
00:12:40,984 --> 00:12:42,150
with the kinfolk.
315
00:12:42,185 --> 00:12:43,552
What's going on?
I told you to pack the place.
316
00:12:43,586 --> 00:12:44,653
Yeah, but I did
the best I could.
317
00:12:44,687 --> 00:12:45,887
You gave me very little time.
318
00:12:45,922 --> 00:12:48,290
Look, those are my ex-roommates,
Gwendolyn and Fritz...
319
00:12:48,324 --> 00:12:49,925
they just came from
the renaissance fair...
320
00:12:49,959 --> 00:12:52,194
Hector and Nancy...
they're posing as customers...
321
00:12:52,228 --> 00:12:55,230
and charlene is the date
that I'm currently on.
322
00:12:55,264 --> 00:12:56,898
This isn't enough people!
323
00:12:56,933 --> 00:12:57,866
Don't worry about it.
324
00:12:57,900 --> 00:13:00,828
We got that party of 10
coming in.
325
00:13:00,848 --> 00:13:03,785
Hey. Light crowd tonight,
huh, Louis?
326
00:13:03,805 --> 00:13:04,805
[Chuckles]
327
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,841
Well, this is just
the awkward time
328
00:13:06,875 --> 00:13:08,843
between old people dinner
and regular dinner, so...
329
00:13:08,877 --> 00:13:09,977
[Chuckles]
330
00:13:10,011 --> 00:13:12,046
To the king! [Laughs]
331
00:13:14,449 --> 00:13:16,217
Are you wearing
a whole new outfit?
332
00:13:16,251 --> 00:13:18,352
I bought so many
affordable items today,
333
00:13:18,386 --> 00:13:20,054
I couldn't pick just one.
334
00:13:20,088 --> 00:13:22,056
Mom, this ski suit was 80% off,
335
00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:23,858
and it came with one pole.
336
00:13:23,892 --> 00:13:25,793
Tennis, mother?
337
00:13:25,827 --> 00:13:27,461
85% off.
338
00:13:27,496 --> 00:13:30,865
Advantage... Connie.
339
00:13:32,220 --> 00:13:35,115
So, is, uh, anyone gonna
take our order.
340
00:13:35,135 --> 00:13:36,510
Uh...
341
00:13:43,678 --> 00:13:44,778
Welcome to Cattleman's Ranch.
342
00:13:44,812 --> 00:13:47,179
Can I start you off
with some drinks?
343
00:13:47,199 --> 00:13:48,648
[Hector clears throat]
344
00:13:49,152 --> 00:13:51,272
Aren't you a customer?
345
00:13:52,441 --> 00:13:53,286
So, tell me about you.
346
00:13:53,321 --> 00:13:55,088
Do you have any brothers
or sisters?
347
00:13:55,122 --> 00:13:56,423
Uh, not anymore.
348
00:13:56,457 --> 00:13:58,658
I mean, it's not exactly
something you talk about
349
00:13:58,693 --> 00:14:00,460
on a first date,
but for some reason,
350
00:14:00,494 --> 00:14:02,229
I feel like
I can really open up to you.
351
00:14:02,263 --> 00:14:03,830
[Telephone rings]
Oh, hold on one second.
352
00:14:03,864 --> 00:14:06,027
Howdy. Cattleman's Ranch.
353
00:14:06,047 --> 00:14:08,601
Yes, we do do to-go orders.
354
00:14:08,621 --> 00:14:12,012
What's the name?
Okay, Orenthal...
355
00:14:12,032 --> 00:14:13,239
J...
356
00:14:13,274 --> 00:14:15,091
Sampson.
357
00:14:15,601 --> 00:14:17,081
Okay.
358
00:14:17,703 --> 00:14:19,145
[Sighs]
359
00:14:20,911 --> 00:14:22,796
This roll is stupid.
360
00:14:22,816 --> 00:14:25,098
Dude, why are you such a bummer?
361
00:14:25,118 --> 00:14:27,452
What can I say? I grew up.
362
00:14:27,487 --> 00:14:29,254
No, you're played out,
363
00:14:29,289 --> 00:14:31,790
listening to
that sad, white-lady music.
364
00:14:31,824 --> 00:14:35,227
Whatever. You're not old enough to
appreciate the emotion of grunge.
365
00:14:35,261 --> 00:14:37,055
You still got baby ears.
366
00:14:37,075 --> 00:14:40,265
Excuse me!
Do you accept grain as payment?
367
00:14:40,299 --> 00:14:43,436
Look, mom. Someone died in this.
368
00:14:46,739 --> 00:14:48,940
You know, I could have sworn
you were a customer.
369
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:50,342
Uh, well [Chuckles]
370
00:14:50,376 --> 00:14:51,710
You know, what we like to do
371
00:14:51,744 --> 00:14:55,711
is let the finicky diners
do the...
372
00:14:55,731 --> 00:14:58,169
uh, Jessica, help me out here.
373
00:14:58,305 --> 00:14:59,885
Oh, yes, well, uh...
374
00:14:59,919 --> 00:15:01,953
sorry, I wasn't listening.
What are we doing?
375
00:15:01,988 --> 00:15:03,755
I have no idea.
So, a-am I a waitress again,
376
00:15:03,789 --> 00:15:05,056
or am I still pretending
to be a customer,
377
00:15:05,091 --> 00:15:06,458
or am I... or...
378
00:15:06,492 --> 00:15:08,260
Whoops. [Chuckles]
379
00:15:08,294 --> 00:15:10,629
I think we can all agree
that it's amazing
380
00:15:10,696 --> 00:15:13,098
that I've lasted
this long, right?
381
00:15:13,132 --> 00:15:14,466
[Jessica sighs]
382
00:15:16,913 --> 00:15:18,555
Okay, fine.
383
00:15:18,940 --> 00:15:22,140
The truth is, Cattleman's
has got off to a shaky start.
384
00:15:22,774 --> 00:15:23,908
I knew it!
385
00:15:23,942 --> 00:15:25,877
Your fax machine wasn't tired,
it was bored.
386
00:15:25,911 --> 00:15:27,545
Hey, Connie, you missed it.
387
00:15:27,579 --> 00:15:29,080
They finally admitted
they're failing.
388
00:15:29,114 --> 00:15:30,881
Oh, I heard.
389
00:15:30,916 --> 00:15:32,617
That's my tiger shirt!
390
00:15:32,637 --> 00:15:34,352
You stole it from my bag!
391
00:15:34,386 --> 00:15:37,608
No, I found it. 100% off.
392
00:15:38,752 --> 00:15:40,537
_
393
00:15:40,692 --> 00:15:42,026
Thanks, mom.
394
00:15:44,663 --> 00:15:46,998
Hey, boss man, I don't know if this is
a good time to tell you this or not,
395
00:15:47,032 --> 00:15:50,568
but I think that table of 10
is a no-show, so...
396
00:15:54,811 --> 00:15:56,678
Last night was a disaster.
397
00:15:56,712 --> 00:15:59,599
I don't want to leave this room.
398
00:16:00,730 --> 00:16:04,286
Now, that is a success perm.
399
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:05,720
[Chuckles]
400
00:16:05,755 --> 00:16:07,255
I'm so tired.
401
00:16:07,290 --> 00:16:09,905
Nobody could have slept
worse than we did.
402
00:16:09,925 --> 00:16:11,028
Mm.
403
00:16:12,332 --> 00:16:15,690
So, is anybody gonna talk about
aunt Connie's boobs?
404
00:16:16,771 --> 00:16:18,928
Aah! She heard me!
405
00:16:18,948 --> 00:16:21,340
I was just looking
for some sugar.
406
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:22,985
What are you boys doing in here?
407
00:16:23,005 --> 00:16:25,802
They're there because
we don't have enough bedrooms.
408
00:16:25,822 --> 00:16:27,222
Are you happy?
409
00:16:27,242 --> 00:16:29,176
Cattleman's Ranch is not doing
well, our house is small,
410
00:16:29,211 --> 00:16:31,697
and you're mom's favorite...
you win.
411
00:16:31,717 --> 00:16:33,634
Jessica.
412
00:16:33,654 --> 00:16:35,529
I know how you feel.
413
00:16:35,549 --> 00:16:38,818
But you'll get used to being
mom's least favorite daughter.
414
00:16:38,852 --> 00:16:39,919
I did.
415
00:16:39,954 --> 00:16:42,221
It was not so bad for you.
416
00:16:42,256 --> 00:16:43,990
The only pictures she had
in her wallet
417
00:16:44,024 --> 00:16:45,758
were of you and Kurt Russell.
418
00:16:45,793 --> 00:16:48,428
You saw inside her wallet?
I didn't think it opened.
419
00:16:48,462 --> 00:16:50,563
[Chuckles] I have to say...
420
00:16:50,597 --> 00:16:54,233
I never knew being the favorite
was so hard.
421
00:16:54,268 --> 00:16:56,402
It takes a lot of patience.
422
00:16:56,437 --> 00:16:57,336
I know.
423
00:16:57,371 --> 00:16:58,771
When you watch "Wheel,"
424
00:16:58,806 --> 00:17:00,815
does she still yell
at the TV screen
425
00:17:00,835 --> 00:17:02,942
when someone buys a vowel?
426
00:17:02,976 --> 00:17:05,878
Together:
"Vowels are a waste of money!"
427
00:17:05,946 --> 00:17:08,314
[Both laugh]
Josephine's missing!
428
00:17:08,334 --> 00:17:09,259
Who?
429
00:17:09,279 --> 00:17:11,928
My Miata!
Someone snatched Josie!
430
00:17:12,118 --> 00:17:14,086
Why aren't you freaking out?!
431
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:15,487
Aah!
432
00:17:15,521 --> 00:17:18,056
Yeah, officer, you need to have
all units looking for my car.
433
00:17:18,091 --> 00:17:21,460
It's a brand-new 1995 Miata.
434
00:17:21,494 --> 00:17:23,829
Sir, you said the color of your
car is British-racing green?
435
00:17:23,863 --> 00:17:25,097
Yes.
436
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:27,902
They discontinued British-racing
green in the '95 model.
437
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:31,081
The last year the brg
was available was in the '93.
438
00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:33,705
It's used! I knew it! [Laughs]
439
00:17:33,739 --> 00:17:35,240
Guess that alarm was fake, too.
440
00:17:35,274 --> 00:17:37,205
"Whoop-whoop" my ass!
441
00:17:37,225 --> 00:17:39,844
No, no, no.
I-I-I-I got a special edition...
442
00:17:39,879 --> 00:17:42,494
Sir, I've got
two passions in life...
443
00:17:42,514 --> 00:17:45,049
law enforcement
and japanese sports coupes.
444
00:17:45,083 --> 00:17:46,283
That's right.
445
00:17:46,318 --> 00:17:49,253
I, too, am a proud gay man
and Miata enthusiast.
446
00:17:49,287 --> 00:17:50,888
Oh, here we go.
447
00:17:50,922 --> 00:17:53,457
Says a repo order was issued
for that car.
448
00:17:53,492 --> 00:17:56,493
Apparently the owner
is way behind in payments.
449
00:18:01,452 --> 00:18:02,782
Steve?
450
00:18:03,093 --> 00:18:06,417
Okay, so I took out a few loans
to pay back some other loans.
451
00:18:06,437 --> 00:18:09,139
We're in debt,
and you didn't tell me?
452
00:18:09,173 --> 00:18:10,273
I thought we were cushy.
453
00:18:10,307 --> 00:18:11,941
We are cushy!
454
00:18:11,976 --> 00:18:14,778
We're just a little low
on cashola!
455
00:18:14,812 --> 00:18:15,945
Are we poor?!
456
00:18:15,980 --> 00:18:17,480
Are they gonna take away
my stuff?!
457
00:18:17,515 --> 00:18:19,015
I like my stuff!
458
00:18:19,049 --> 00:18:20,717
[Crying]
459
00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:21,785
Yo.
460
00:18:21,819 --> 00:18:23,987
Well, probably should have
hung up already,
461
00:18:24,021 --> 00:18:25,722
but I didn't,
so I heard all that.
462
00:18:25,756 --> 00:18:27,190
I'll mail you some literature
463
00:18:27,224 --> 00:18:28,892
about the Miata queens
of Orlando.
464
00:18:28,926 --> 00:18:31,697
We meet every other month,
but whatever.
465
00:18:31,717 --> 00:18:33,507
You'll read about it. [Sighs]
466
00:18:35,559 --> 00:18:37,213
[Doorbell rings]
467
00:18:39,818 --> 00:18:41,086
What's going on?
468
00:18:41,106 --> 00:18:42,864
These two were fast asleep
469
00:18:42,884 --> 00:18:44,556
in the backseat
of a Miata I repo'd.
470
00:18:44,576 --> 00:18:47,105
Evan: It was more comfortable
than the pantry.
471
00:18:47,838 --> 00:18:49,903
Uh, of course!
472
00:18:49,923 --> 00:18:53,024
My boys I was so worried about
and knew were gone!
473
00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:55,740
Thank you for not repo'ing
my children.
474
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,359
- No problem. Comes with the job.
- Mm.
475
00:18:58,379 --> 00:19:00,809
As well as dibs on anything
we find in the cars.
476
00:19:00,843 --> 00:19:02,232
Mm.
477
00:19:11,322 --> 00:19:14,008
_
478
00:19:14,290 --> 00:19:16,793
Hello, juice.
479
00:19:18,761 --> 00:19:20,128
You know, for the record,
480
00:19:20,162 --> 00:19:22,097
that dealer told me
that Miata was new.
481
00:19:22,131 --> 00:19:24,099
Well, people lie.
482
00:19:24,133 --> 00:19:26,543
Sometimes even to themselves.
483
00:19:26,563 --> 00:19:28,270
[Chuckles]
Hey, don't worry, okay?
484
00:19:28,304 --> 00:19:30,272
I won't tell the family
about any of this.
485
00:19:30,306 --> 00:19:32,354
I know business
has its ups and downs.
486
00:19:32,374 --> 00:19:34,075
You'll get back on your feet.
487
00:19:34,109 --> 00:19:35,343
I appreciate it, Louis.
488
00:19:35,377 --> 00:19:37,011
You know...
489
00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:38,679
I got to say [Sighs]
490
00:19:38,714 --> 00:19:41,115
it'd be a lot easier
if I still had my best salesman.
491
00:19:41,149 --> 00:19:42,516
[Chuckles]
492
00:19:42,551 --> 00:19:44,218
Hey, if you ever need
any advice,
493
00:19:44,252 --> 00:19:45,720
just give me a call, okay?
494
00:19:45,754 --> 00:19:47,088
Just not on
my dedicated fax line
495
00:19:47,122 --> 00:19:48,322
'cause that's just for faxes.
496
00:19:48,357 --> 00:19:49,290
[Chuckles]
497
00:19:49,324 --> 00:19:51,158
Oh.
498
00:19:51,193 --> 00:19:53,361
There we go. [Chuckles]
499
00:19:53,395 --> 00:19:55,896
Sorry I got
a little upset before.
500
00:19:55,931 --> 00:19:58,132
Guess I just got caught up
in the emotion of the moment.
501
00:19:58,166 --> 00:19:59,500
Really?
502
00:19:59,534 --> 00:20:01,769
'Cause to me it looked like
you were straight-up crying.
503
00:20:01,803 --> 00:20:04,138
But maybe my baby ears
didn't hear it right.
504
00:20:05,529 --> 00:20:06,976
You guys want to listen
to some 2Pac?
505
00:20:06,996 --> 00:20:09,090
Really? We can listen with you?
506
00:20:09,110 --> 00:20:10,135
Mm.
507
00:20:10,155 --> 00:20:12,260
I'll go get some Sunny D
and raisins.
508
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,019
I'll get our toothbrushes
for after.
509
00:20:15,703 --> 00:20:19,272
Well, I can't wait
to get out of this swampland.
510
00:20:19,292 --> 00:20:21,739
Well, nothing's stopping you.
511
00:20:21,759 --> 00:20:25,206
By the way,
your hair looks terrible.
512
00:20:25,613 --> 00:20:28,274
And your boobs are way too big.
513
00:20:30,860 --> 00:20:33,099
Have a safe drive, mom.
514
00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:35,072
_
515
00:20:36,701 --> 00:20:38,690
Well, she's coming around.
516
00:20:42,210 --> 00:20:44,978
- Connie!
- Coming, ah-ma.
517
00:20:49,457 --> 00:20:51,285
We all took something away from that trip.
518
00:20:51,305 --> 00:20:54,319
Except grandma who set something loose.
519
00:20:58,252 --> 00:21:00,590
And in the process
we learned that just like O.J.
520
00:21:00,610 --> 00:21:03,164
people aren't always what they seem.
521
00:21:03,773 --> 00:21:05,216
I can't believe it.
522
00:21:05,966 --> 00:21:07,944
- We won.
- Yes, we did.
523
00:21:07,964 --> 00:21:10,543
We finally proved Steve's Miata was used.
524
00:21:11,301 --> 00:21:13,664
And we are always honest with each other.
525
00:21:13,684 --> 00:21:15,740
We are the more successful couple.
526
00:21:16,146 --> 00:21:18,248
You realize we're swimming in debt, too?
527
00:21:18,268 --> 00:21:21,344
Yes, but we are swimming together.
528
00:21:22,936 --> 00:21:24,801
Oh man. Come on.
529
00:21:24,821 --> 00:21:26,781
That one was gross.
530
00:21:26,968 --> 00:21:29,641
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
531
00:21:29,691 --> 00:21:34,241
Repair and Synchronization by
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