Original subtitles

Eddie: As a kid, there are things that terrify you.

Parents, thank you all for coming.

We know you're very busy, but we felt

we needed to bring this matter to your immediate attention.

This man has been seen in the area

handing out drugs to children

and telling them they're stickers.

[Parents murmuring]

The children then proceed to lick the stickers

and are then on drugs. [Murmuring escalates]

We are working closely with local authorities,

but we also wanted to make you aware

so any additional precautions could be taken.

Yes, you in back.

When do report cards come out?

In my family, that's what terrified us.

S01E02 Home Sweet Home-School

Fresh off the boat

I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go

If you don't know, homey, now you know

Fresh off the boat

Homey, you don't know where I come from

But I know where I'm goin'

I'm fresh off the boat

sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com

My mom was singing at the restaurant

because my dad thought it would help business.

A beautiful face without a name

For so long

A beautiful smile to hide the pain

Well, happy anniversary.

Married 45 years.

I can't imagine it.

Did you ever know that you're my...

Hey, Nancy!

That coupon is expired.

You have to check the date.

Literally, I can't imagine it.

How'd she see that?

Jessica: I see everything.

'Cause you are the wi-I-I-nd beneath my...

Okay, just one sprig of parsley per plate, please.

It is a garnish, not a salad.

My...

Thank you, thank you.

Uh, the voice of an angel, the incredible singing lady.

[Applause] There we go.

- Okay. [Laughing] - Okay, okay.

She's something else. Okay.

What are you doing?

The restaurant has been open almost a month,

and we have been losing money every day.

We have tighten up around here,

or we will never turn a profit.

Is that why you clog half the pepper holes?

Oh, look at that guy,

shaking away our profits like he's a pepper monster.

Look, if you're gonna help with the restaurant,

we need to get on the same page,

and my page says

the key to success is to kill them with kindness.

- I've always... shh! - Did you hear that?

Mitch, did you just take a crouton from the salad bar?

Are you saying I did not hear a crunch?

You are trying to dissolve the crouton.

Uh, Mitch, why don't you go see

if any of the servers need help, okay?

[Chuckles nervously]

Oh, hell, no.

Yeah

Eddie: You waiting r your report card?

Dave: Yeah, and a birthday card from my dad.

If it's within three weeks of your birthday,

then it still counts.

I've got a forgery kit in my room.

I'm gonna use it to change all my C's to B's

before my mom comes home.

- Sweet. - Yeah.

I'm not making the same rookie mistake I made last year.

Jessica: Put your gym clothes in the hamper and take out the trash.

Okay, I will. Love you!

You love me? What are you hiding?

- There's nothing in my backpack. - Oh, I know.

B-minus!

Is there anything else for me?

Mailman: Buddy, we talked about this.

I would lead with the card. I'm rooting for you.

- You ready? - Yeah.

- Yes! - Yes!

Mom! We got report cards!

Oh. Okay.

What is this?

Our school doesn't give out grades.

It fosters unhealthy competition.

Plus/minus rainbow? One leprechaun?

Two clouds... that seems bad.

No, clouds are good.

Clouds are rain. What are you, a farmer?

[Snoop Dogg's "Who am I (What's my name)?" plays]

The dogg pound's in the house

The bomb

E-yi-yi, yi-yi-yi

The dogg pound's in the house

Snoop doggy dogg

The bomb

Snoop doggy...

[Button clicks, music stops]

_

Domino! Straight a's, moms!

The one good thing about moving here

is I have no friends and no distractions.

That's why I got a...

Grandma, what does Fonzie say?

"A"! [Hisses]

School is too easy.

Eddie: Just when you think you've won the game,

this trick done changed the rules.

Eddie, don't call your mother a trick.

You need to make school more challenging,

or else my son will fall behind.

I'm sorry. There's not much I can do

about a straight- "A" student.

Well, is there extra school?

Where is the closest CLC?

Oh, no.

What's CLC?

Chinese learning center... an after-school program

for reading, math, science, and violin.

[Violin playing]

Look at them, the innocence.

I couldn't hear them through the reinforced glass,

but I imagined it was the sound of childhood.

Enjoy your stick, white friends.

I'm sorry. We don't have a Chinese learning center here.

Yes!

But we do have an after-school program

called animal encounters

where we bring in farm animals

for the children to play with.

In fact, I have a baby chick in my lap right now.

[Chick chirping]

Please put your lap chicken away.

Jessica: I don't understand these people.

It's like success is not important to them.

To Spencer and his four C's.

[Glasses clink]

Unh-unh!

Nancy, no wasting napkins.

Uh, but the lady at table six asked for it.

She ordered a salad.

She does not need an extra napkin.

[Sighs]

My hands are tied.

Jessica, we talked about this.

It's a slippery slope.

First, an employee pops a crouton.

Next thing you know, they are wheeling ovens out of the kitchen.

Same with the customer.

First, they get extra napkin.

Next thing you know, they run out on the bill.

Same with the boys.

First, they have baby chickens in their lap.

Next thing you know, they are homeless!

You know, just because they don't offer CLC here

doesn't mean you can't provide it for the boys.

Well, I'm not a teacher.

No, but you are very smart.

I mean, have you ever met

a "wheel of fortune" puzzle you couldn't figure out?

I always guess them. Mm-hmm.

I mean, you're way smarter than the teachers they had at CLC.

Some of them were not impressive.

Mnh-mnh.

Oh, never mind.

You can't teach the Boy CLC.

I mean, what would I do at the restaurant?

You are so valuable here.

- I really am. - Yeah.

But we do have a crisis on our hands.

Our boys did get straight A's.

Dave: Oh, hey, man.

Look what my mom got me for my straight c's.

You want to play?

Does the yellow man like dumplings?

We do, we do. Sorry.

I put you in an awkward spot.

Let me go get my breakaway pants

so I can rip them off.

[Grunts]

We're doing CLC.

But there aren't any in Orlando.

There is now... homeschool CLC.

I will be your teacher.

Time.

[Basketball dribbling]

Eddie, focus!

[Sighs]

Okay, I need to start making dinner.

Evan, you make sure that everyone does their CLC.

Okay, teacher mommy.

[Pen clatters] You're loving this.

Teacher's pet and mama's boy.

I'm writing you up.

"Student... Eddie Huang.

Infraction... not nice."

[Pen slams]

[Pen clicks]

"Student... Eddie Huang."

This sucks, right, Emery?

You play the cards you're dealt.

Choose life, you know?

[Door slams]

Aw, man, a trampoline?

And he's using it inappropriately?

Oh!

I never get to have that much fun.

Oh, uh, I'm sorry. I was...

No, no, it's okay. You can have a crouton.

Is this a trick?

Is she here? Is she watching us?

- Are you tricking me? - No, no. It's not a trick.

It's a trick. There's cameras, right?

- Stop, stop. - Where is she?

Look at me.

Mitch, when you're at Cattleman's Ranch,

I want you to feel like

you're being hugged by a matronly woman with chubby arms.

That's how I want to feel.

[Chuckles] See, I believe

that happy employees are good employees

and good employees are good for business.

So how about this?

You and I, we're gonna have a crouton together, okay?

R-really?

So I'm gonna take one, and you're gonna take one.

- Cheers. - Cheers.

- Ding! - Cheers.

[Crunching]

They're pretty good.

Very good. [Laughs]

I know that you aren't a matronly woman, but...

Bring it.

- All right. - Bring it, bring it.

[Both chuckling]

All right. [Laughs]

- Okay, we're good. - Okay.

Okay. Just one more. Nice. Okay.

- You're a good man, you know? - Thank you.

- Okay. You're a really good man. - Thank you.

Okay. Oh, that was fun.

- We should do that all the time. - No.

[Door opens]

Whoo! Rough day at the ranch.

Is Nancy messing up the iced teas again?

I told her it is 4 cups of water to 1 tea bag.

It is so hard to not have you there.

But this is best for the boys.

Our sacrifice will be worth it.

[Chckles lightly]

Mom, Eddie's refusing to use the bathroom pass.

I'm not trying to use a pass to whiz in my own house.

Dinner's almost ready. You finish your CLC?

You know I didn't.

Dinner after CLC.

[Sighs]

Dad, mom is crazy.

Can't you talk some sense into her?

Uh, well, you know, it's, uh, tough for all of us.

I'm dying without her at the restaurant.

Nobody's having a good time. Love you!

Love you? My dad never said that.

My family loved each other. We just didn't say it.

We showed our love through criticism and micromanagement,

so if you said "love you,"

you were probably hiding something.

Louis: [Laughing] Okay.

- Here you are. - Oh, I'm okay.

I don't need any extra napkins. Thank you.

I beg to differ.

Boop!

[Both laugh]

Nancy: Hey, we have a jukebox?

I guess so.

Hey, Mitch, go ahead and plug her in.

Really?

Happy employees equal happy customers.

[Calypso music plays]

Ah.

It's like we've been whisked away to Trinidad.

[Laughter]

Aw, hell, no!

Ee-yi-yi, yi-yi-yi

The dogg pound's in the house

I'm too excited to pimp-walk.

_

Dad doesn't want you at the restaurant.

What? That's not true.

Your father is struggling without me,

but he is making a sacrifice for your education.

Ask him yourself.

Of course I want you here.

It is awful without you.

I am very good.

Eddie's just making up excuses,

probably to get out of CLC.

I will double his workload.

Oh, no. Got to run. I see Mitch eyeing the croutons.

Love you!

[Receiver clicks, dial tone]

Aw, hell, no!

[Calypso music plays]

[Laughs] Everybody having a good time?

[Laughter]

If this jukebox uses 50 kilowatts of power

at 11 cents per kilowatt

and a 3-minute song cos 25 cents,

how much money do we lose per song?

- 2 1/2 cents! - 2 1/2...

Aw, man!

And this is why I never plug in the jukebox.

Boys, welcome to your new CLC classroom.

[To the tune of "Escape" (The pina colada song)"]

If you like mini garlic croutons

A great snack on the...

go

Hi.

Uh, may I get you some waters

or perhaps a blooming onion?

Jessica, what brings you to Cattleman's Ranch?

I realize... why not have the boys do CLC here?

That way, I can also help you at the restaurant.

Unless you don't want me here.

Oh, no. Of course I want you here.

Good! Boys, CLC, this booth.

If Mitch steals two croutons per hour

and a 3-pound box costs $5,

how many days till we are on the street?

How many croutons per box?

What are we paying in rent?

How can I solve for "x" when I don't know "z"?

[Coughs] Nerd. [Pen clicks]

"Student... Eddie Huang.

Infraction... slander."

He's tough, but he's fair.

Nancy, what did I tell you about extra napkins?

Also, why are we out of tea bags?

I don't want you here.

I knew it,

as soon as you expressed emotions with words.

Why do you micromanage everything?

Why am I the only one who cares that we are losing money?

I'm just looking out for our family.

So am I, but I'm doing it in a nicer way.

You should treat people the way you want to be treated.

You think people are inherently good, but they are not.

Woman: I'm sorry.

- Could I just get my check, please? - No, I'm sorry.

My son got straight a's, and I told my wife I love her.

Please bear with us. We're going through a rough patch.

Look at that table. Look at that table.

They are about to dine and dash.

They've ordered the most expensive items on the menu.

They've been there a long time, and they haven't paid.

[Air hissing] And that one guy is pumping up his sneaker.

I'll take care of this.

How? By killing them with kindness,

showering them with napkins?

No, you make them pay, then you kick them out.

I will handle this my way.

Hello.

We're not done eating yet.

I know, I know. Look...

I know what you guys are doing here.

You're gonna dine and dash

because you think it's fun and nobody gets hurt.

But this is a family business.

It's not run by some big corporation.

I thought this was a Golden Saddle.

It's a totally different restaurant!

The bears aren't even the same color.

Look, if you guys run out on this check,

it's gonna come out of our pocket...

Me, my wife, and my three boys.

You guys were really going for a little girl, huh?

Don't get me started. We were gonna name her Emily.

That's sweet. Aww.

Yeah.

Look, the point is, we're not rich.

In fact, we're struggling just to break even.

So if you guys order more than you can pay for,

we can work something out.

Yeah, okay. I... we're sorry.

We're just being stupid.

And we can cover it. I got my dad's credit card.

Thanks, guys. I appreciate it. [Chuckles]

I took care of it.

I talked to them the way that I would want to be talked to,

and they got it.

People are good.

Are you sure about that?

I'll be in my office.

Mitch: Excuse me, Mrs. Huang?

Um, we were just talking,

and we'd like to cover their check.

What?

The table that ran out...

we want to chip in and pay their bill.

Yeah, Louis would do it for us.

I mean, he's a great boss.

Mom, Eddie dined and dashed on CLC.

But don't worry. I wrote him another infraction.

[Cypress Hill's "Insane in the membrane" plays]

[Horn honks]

Oh, crap!

I will get to you later!

"Run out on this bill, it comes out of our pocket." [Laughs]

[Tires screech, both grunt]

Hey.

[Grunts]

Oh!

Emery, go get that onion.

I'm going to cook dinner with it tonight.

Time me.

- You hit us with your car. - You hit my car with your bodies.

My husband is a good man.

He believes in the good of people.

I don't.

But all his employees respect and admire him,

which, uh, makes you start to wonder.

My body feels cold.

I-I-it's shutting down.

My point is,

I don't want my husband to lose his faith in people.

Okay, okay. W-we'll pay our check.

You are going to do a lot more than that.

Emery: I don't know why, but it's warm!

After we left, we thought about what you said,

and we realized you were right.

Yeah, what we did was wrong.

- Really? - Yes.

You were right to see the good in us.

Did you have something to do with this?

What? Me? No.

Okay, well, I'm gonna go make dinner now...

sliced beef with peppers and onions,

maybe some rice, also.

Love you!

[Ice Cube's "It was a good day" plays]

I missed all the fun.

Hmm.

Well, you know,

most moms don't care enough about their kids

to tutor them for two hours a day.

It was three hours.

Three hours?!

My God, I [Scoffs]

[Sighs]

Look, I'm not gonna lie. Your mom is tough.

And she's never gonna let up on you or any of us,

but it's because she cares.

Yeah.

I got to go 'cause I got me a drop-top

And if I hit the switch

I can make the ass drop

Had to stop at a red light

You think you can beat your old man?

Dad, you serve people all day.

You ready to get served?

[Laughs] Wait, I almost forgot.

That felt good.

Called up the homies, and I'm asking y'all

Which park are y'all playing basketball?

Get me on the court and I'm trouble

Aw! Ooh, close.

Ooh! Nice, nice!

Close.

Freaking brothers every way like M.J.

I can't believe today was a good day

Mom said we can play.

Nobody block my shots.

Louis: Come on, come on.

Today was a good day

Eddi, pass.

Oh, hey.

I was glad everything had worked out

- Is that your dad? - Yeah.

Seems like a cool guy.

Ooh! All day!

You want to play?

Well, I was just gonna flip through sports games on TV

and look for my dad in the crowds, but I guess I can wait.

Yeah, come on.

I got to say it was a good day

That's how it was in my family.

We didn't do sappy "I love yous."

We didn't have to.

We just showed it.

Looks like we'll be going for academic scholarships.

And then an alligator sticker plus a cloud sticker

equals an alligator with sunglasses sticker.

All right. So...

Unless a cloud sticker is a rain cloud

in which case it reverts back to a bear and a hat.

Oh right. So...

Unless the bear's hat is black.

which indicates a very high level of effort.

So...

Which is than rewarded by a plus/minus participatory rainbow

of which there are three intensity hues.

_

What'd your mom say?

She gave you an alligator with sunglasses.

And to you...

sync and corrected by ninh www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0