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1
00:00:01,362 --> 00:00:03,695
MAN:
Hi, there.
2
00:00:03,692 --> 00:00:05,557
CHRIS:
In professional sports,
3
00:00:05,556 --> 00:00:07,689
the best athletes
get a sneaker contract.
4
00:00:07,686 --> 00:00:09,085
Are those Air Jordans?
5
00:00:09,084 --> 00:00:11,250
Yeah. My dad got
them for me last year.
6
00:00:11,248 --> 00:00:12,379
Oh, that's so cool.
7
00:00:12,378 --> 00:00:13,845
He's, like, the best
guy in the NBA.
8
00:00:13,844 --> 00:00:16,243
As cool as it was having
Jordan sneakers,
9
00:00:16,240 --> 00:00:19,306
it was nowhere near as cool
as having a varsity letter.
10
00:00:19,303 --> 00:00:21,135
CHRIS:
Man, I would set these sneakers on fire
11
00:00:21,133 --> 00:00:23,098
and eat them
for a varsity letter.
12
00:00:23,096 --> 00:00:25,361
That's how David Blaine
got his.
13
00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:26,792
I'd get respect.
14
00:00:26,790 --> 00:00:28,989
Good morning, sir.
Here are your books.
15
00:00:28,987 --> 00:00:31,120
What time would you like
to smack the crap out of me?
16
00:00:31,118 --> 00:00:33,117
2:30.
Thank you, sir.
17
00:00:33,115 --> 00:00:34,413
I'd get perks.
18
00:00:34,412 --> 00:00:35,745
Chris,
19
00:00:35,744 --> 00:00:37,576
you're excused from
all of your classes.
20
00:00:37,574 --> 00:00:39,373
Professor Lee will be
taking them for you.
21
00:00:39,371 --> 00:00:40,870
Is he smart?
22
00:00:40,869 --> 00:00:42,434
Chris, he's Asian.
23
00:00:42,433 --> 00:00:43,900
(gong sounds)
24
00:00:43,899 --> 00:00:46,098
If you could turn
his smart into black,
25
00:00:46,095 --> 00:00:48,927
he'd be darker than Yaphet Kotto
in a pot of chocolate.
26
00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,023
Cool.
27
00:00:50,022 --> 00:00:51,454
If Yaphet Kotto fell
28
00:00:51,453 --> 00:00:53,585
into your pot of chocolate,
how would you know?
29
00:00:53,583 --> 00:00:58,916
And I'd get the only thing
I really cared about: girls.
30
00:00:58,909 --> 00:01:00,508
GIRLS:
Good morning, Chris.
31
00:01:00,506 --> 00:01:01,838
Good morning, angels.
32
00:01:01,837 --> 00:01:03,570
(girls giggling)
33
00:01:08,594 --> 00:01:10,993
Watch it, Jabbar.
34
00:01:10,991 --> 00:01:12,356
Oh, man, he scuffed your shoe.
35
00:01:12,355 --> 00:01:13,488
I don't care
about this shoe.
36
00:01:13,487 --> 00:01:14,986
I want to get one
of them letters.
37
00:01:14,985 --> 00:01:18,052
And the letter's gonna get me
one of those girls.
38
00:01:31,826 --> 00:01:34,559
* Ah, make it funky now. *
39
00:01:52,594 --> 00:01:54,694
CHRIS:
Wanting a letter was one thing,
40
00:01:54,691 --> 00:01:57,556
figuring out how to get
it was a whole other story.
41
00:01:57,553 --> 00:01:59,185
How am I supposed
to get a letter in a sport
42
00:01:59,184 --> 00:02:00,550
when I'm terrible
at sports?
43
00:02:00,549 --> 00:02:02,181
Maybe there's something
a guy like you would be good at.
44
00:02:02,179 --> 00:02:03,745
I need a sport
without water,
45
00:02:03,744 --> 00:02:07,044
balls, hoops, hurdles,
bats, cleats, clubs, gloves,
46
00:02:07,040 --> 00:02:09,805
tracks, fields,
weights or boards.
47
00:02:09,802 --> 00:02:11,068
Isn't that cheerleading?
48
00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:12,799
How about wrestling?
49
00:02:12,797 --> 00:02:14,729
I can't wrestle.
Anybody can wrestle.
50
00:02:14,727 --> 00:02:15,760
It's just two
guys on a mat
51
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:17,026
trying to throw
each other down.
52
00:02:17,025 --> 00:02:19,556
Or as they call
it in Chelsea, "Wednesday."
53
00:02:19,553 --> 00:02:21,219
No way. I'll get killed.
54
00:02:21,217 --> 00:02:22,383
I only weigh 112 pounds.
55
00:02:22,382 --> 00:02:23,514
They got weight classes.
56
00:02:23,514 --> 00:02:25,080
You only have to fight
people your size.
57
00:02:25,078 --> 00:02:27,044
If you can't beat a guy
who weighs 112 pounds,
58
00:02:27,042 --> 00:02:29,108
you don't deserve that letter.
59
00:02:29,106 --> 00:02:31,471
* The B to the R
Double-O, K, Lyn *
60
00:02:31,469 --> 00:02:33,735
* Comin' straight from Brooklyn
You know that I'm-a win *
61
00:02:33,732 --> 00:02:35,998
* The B to the R
Double-O, K, Lyn *
62
00:02:35,996 --> 00:02:38,227
* The B to the R, Double-O
K, Lyn... *
63
00:02:38,225 --> 00:02:39,224
I can do that.
64
00:02:39,223 --> 00:02:40,255
Do what?
65
00:02:40,254 --> 00:02:41,887
Make a video
for Video Turntable.
66
00:02:41,886 --> 00:02:42,885
You can't sing.
67
00:02:42,884 --> 00:02:44,216
I'm not gonna sing.
68
00:02:44,215 --> 00:02:45,448
I'm gonna be the producer,
69
00:02:45,448 --> 00:02:47,213
like Hurby Luv Bug
with Salt-N-Pepa.
70
00:02:47,211 --> 00:02:49,110
How you gonna do that?
71
00:02:49,108 --> 00:02:51,541
Yo, welcome back.
72
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:54,071
Hey! Want to get your video
played on Video Turntable?
73
00:02:54,069 --> 00:02:55,567
Send it in and get paid.
74
00:02:55,565 --> 00:02:56,631
The more it gets played,
75
00:02:56,631 --> 00:02:59,597
the more you gets paid.
76
00:02:59,593 --> 00:03:01,725
Yo. Section Eight. Hit me.
77
00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,422
* In-In-novator *
78
00:03:03,420 --> 00:03:05,719
* In-novator
In-in-ovator... *
79
00:03:05,717 --> 00:03:07,215
See? I told you.
80
00:03:07,214 --> 00:03:08,881
I'm gonna put together
a girl group,
81
00:03:08,879 --> 00:03:10,644
make a video
and get it on TV.
82
00:03:10,642 --> 00:03:12,308
It'll be cool.
83
00:03:12,307 --> 00:03:14,673
* I'm the Arabian Prince
And the crew is the Sheiks *
84
00:03:14,670 --> 00:03:17,969
* We are here
To move your feet *
85
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:20,196
Can I be in it?
No.
86
00:03:20,194 --> 00:03:22,327
* To rock the population
Give you no compensation... *
87
00:03:22,325 --> 00:03:24,624
CHRIS:
While Tonya tried to get into Drew's group,
88
00:03:24,621 --> 00:03:27,054
my mother tried to get
into a pair of jeans.
89
00:03:28,782 --> 00:03:29,916
(grunts)
90
00:03:35,905 --> 00:03:37,271
Dang it!
91
00:03:47,087 --> 00:03:48,786
(gasping)
92
00:03:48,785 --> 00:03:51,117
She sweated less
during childbirth.
93
00:03:51,114 --> 00:03:52,313
That's it.
94
00:03:52,312 --> 00:03:53,645
I'm going on a diet.
95
00:03:53,644 --> 00:03:55,243
While my mother
96
00:03:55,242 --> 00:03:57,107
was struggling
to put on her jeans,
97
00:03:57,105 --> 00:03:59,771
I was struggling
to put on a brave face.
98
00:03:59,768 --> 00:04:01,033
(grunts)
99
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:03,098
(groaning)
100
00:04:03,096 --> 00:04:04,562
(wrestlers grunt and groan)
101
00:04:04,561 --> 00:04:05,760
(whistle blows)
102
00:04:05,759 --> 00:04:08,024
Nice job.
103
00:04:08,022 --> 00:04:09,289
Next.
104
00:04:16,443 --> 00:04:17,476
What do you weigh?
105
00:04:17,475 --> 00:04:19,240
One-twelve.
106
00:04:19,239 --> 00:04:21,271
We got nobody
in your weight class.
107
00:04:21,268 --> 00:04:24,901
Guess I'll just leave, then.
108
00:04:24,897 --> 00:04:27,029
Don't be an idiot.
109
00:04:27,027 --> 00:04:28,293
You weighed in at 112.
110
00:04:28,292 --> 00:04:30,157
You'll wrestle 113.
111
00:04:30,155 --> 00:04:32,154
Got nobody in your
weight class?
112
00:04:32,152 --> 00:04:35,151
You're automatically
on the varsity.
113
00:04:35,147 --> 00:04:36,613
The first time in my life
114
00:04:36,612 --> 00:04:38,878
being a skinny nerd
worked in my favor.
115
00:04:38,876 --> 00:04:41,008
Meanwhile, Drew found
a place to rehearse
116
00:04:41,006 --> 00:04:42,539
with a man who drove a hearse.
117
00:04:42,537 --> 00:04:44,836
So I just need to rent
your place for rehearsals.
118
00:04:44,834 --> 00:04:48,699
Huh. So you won't be videotaping
anything untoward, will you?
119
00:04:48,694 --> 00:04:50,226
I don't know
what that means.
120
00:04:50,225 --> 00:04:54,324
It means: lewd, nude, crude,
121
00:04:54,318 --> 00:04:56,017
lascivious, naked,
122
00:04:56,016 --> 00:04:57,582
nasty.
123
00:04:57,581 --> 00:04:58,946
In that case, no.
124
00:04:58,944 --> 00:05:01,011
Okay, then, pay me
half in advance.
125
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:06,538
Oh. Nice doing business
with you, Drew.
126
00:05:09,629 --> 00:05:12,128
(hip-hop beat playing)
* Uh, uh *
127
00:05:12,125 --> 00:05:13,290
♪ Uh ♪
128
00:05:13,290 --> 00:05:14,623
♪ Uh ♪
129
00:05:14,622 --> 00:05:15,721
Next!
130
00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:17,152
♪ Zzp, zzp, zzp, zzp ♪
131
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:19,784
♪ Hee-he-he-he-how
Hee-he-he-he-he-he-how ♪
132
00:05:19,781 --> 00:05:20,780
♪ Hee-he-he-he-how ♪
133
00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:22,044
♪ Hee-he-he-he-he-he-how ♪
134
00:05:22,043 --> 00:05:24,342
♪ Hee-he-he-he-how
Hee-he-he-he-he-he-how ♪
135
00:05:24,340 --> 00:05:25,206
♪ Hee-he-he-he-how ♪
Next.
136
00:05:25,206 --> 00:05:26,139
♪ Hee-he-he-he-how ♪
137
00:05:29,932 --> 00:05:31,431
Aren't you gonna do something?
138
00:05:31,429 --> 00:05:32,928
Why don't you do something?
139
00:05:32,927 --> 00:05:34,693
Because I'm the one
auditioning you.
140
00:05:34,691 --> 00:05:37,090
No one talk to Princess Latifah
like that!
141
00:05:37,088 --> 00:05:38,355
Next!
142
00:05:41,015 --> 00:05:42,948
(hip-hop beat playing)
143
00:05:55,260 --> 00:05:56,259
(music stops)
144
00:05:56,259 --> 00:05:57,658
That was cool.
145
00:05:57,657 --> 00:05:59,056
So, what's the name
of your group?
146
00:05:59,054 --> 00:06:00,486
It's gonna be called
Fish and Chips.
147
00:06:00,485 --> 00:06:01,484
So you guys in?
148
00:06:01,484 --> 00:06:02,684
Yeah!
Yeah!
149
00:06:02,683 --> 00:06:04,048
Cool.
150
00:06:04,047 --> 00:06:05,246
While Drew was taking
151
00:06:05,245 --> 00:06:07,044
his first steps
towards the charts,
152
00:06:07,042 --> 00:06:09,107
I was taking my first steps
on the mat.
153
00:06:09,105 --> 00:06:11,837
Chris, since this is your
first day on the mat,
154
00:06:11,834 --> 00:06:13,867
I'm gonna walk you
through some moves.
155
00:06:13,865 --> 00:06:14,964
You watch wrestling on TV?
156
00:06:14,963 --> 00:06:16,162
All the time.
157
00:06:16,162 --> 00:06:18,328
Hulk Hogan, Andre the Giant,
the Iron Sheik.
158
00:06:18,325 --> 00:06:19,857
I love all those guys.
159
00:06:19,856 --> 00:06:22,088
Well, that's too bad,
because all that crap is fake.
160
00:06:22,086 --> 00:06:24,819
Oh. Well, what's first?
161
00:06:26,113 --> 00:06:27,512
(groans)
162
00:06:27,511 --> 00:06:29,444
This is a cross-face.
163
00:06:30,507 --> 00:06:32,206
(yelps)
164
00:06:32,204 --> 00:06:35,770
This is a neck scissors.
165
00:06:39,294 --> 00:06:40,561
This is a half nelson.
166
00:06:44,486 --> 00:06:46,419
This is the full nelson.
167
00:06:48,013 --> 00:06:50,012
Thisis a Ricky Nelson.
168
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,809
That's a joke--
Ricky Nelson.
169
00:06:51,808 --> 00:06:54,474
See, I said half,
full, then Ricky.
170
00:06:54,471 --> 00:06:55,670
You like that?
171
00:06:55,669 --> 00:06:56,934
Hilarious.
172
00:06:56,933 --> 00:06:58,832
Back at home,
I found out
173
00:06:58,830 --> 00:07:00,963
when the woman of the house
goes on a diet,
174
00:07:00,961 --> 00:07:04,093
everybody in the house
goes on a diet.
175
00:07:04,089 --> 00:07:05,754
Okay, everybody,
176
00:07:05,752 --> 00:07:07,751
dinner is served.
177
00:07:07,749 --> 00:07:09,748
No, it ain't.
What is this?
178
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:12,413
It's the Nipsey Russell
Bermudian Diet.
179
00:07:12,410 --> 00:07:14,108
Why are we
on a diet?
180
00:07:14,107 --> 00:07:17,540
Because weput our jeans on
and they won't button.
181
00:07:17,536 --> 00:07:20,801
How come wecan't eat
because yourjeans don't fit?
182
00:07:20,797 --> 00:07:22,763
Yeah, why don't you just
buy a bigger pair of jeans?
183
00:07:22,761 --> 00:07:24,860
Because. Nobody asked you.
184
00:07:24,858 --> 00:07:26,057
Nipsey Russell ain't fat.
185
00:07:26,056 --> 00:07:28,022
What's he know about diets?
Oh, when he went
186
00:07:28,020 --> 00:07:29,718
to Bermuda to do a comedy show,
187
00:07:29,716 --> 00:07:32,383
he found that the women
were very attractive.
188
00:07:32,380 --> 00:07:34,312
Because they were the only
ones on the island.
189
00:07:34,310 --> 00:07:37,975
They stay slim by only
eating fish and fruits.
190
00:07:37,971 --> 00:07:40,304
So he decided to smash it up
and put it in a glass?
191
00:07:40,301 --> 00:07:41,500
Yes.
192
00:07:41,499 --> 00:07:43,231
I'd rather eat the glass.
193
00:07:43,230 --> 00:07:45,862
Well, I hope he took out
the seeds and the bones.
194
00:07:45,859 --> 00:07:48,459
Look, unless you guys want me
to end up being fat,
195
00:07:48,456 --> 00:07:49,854
can you at least try it?
196
00:07:49,853 --> 00:07:51,652
Well, I guess I
do need to keep
197
00:07:51,650 --> 00:07:53,316
my weight down--
I made the wrestling team.
198
00:07:53,314 --> 00:07:54,313
My man.
199
00:07:54,313 --> 00:07:55,812
You gonna be
the next Iron Sheik.
200
00:07:55,811 --> 00:07:57,377
See, Nipsey can help you.
201
00:07:57,375 --> 00:07:59,541
TONYA:
Well, me and Drew are making a video.
202
00:07:59,539 --> 00:08:01,338
I guess I should
watch my weight too.
203
00:08:01,336 --> 00:08:02,968
I heard the camera
adds ten pounds.
204
00:08:02,967 --> 00:08:04,500
Only if you eat them first.
205
00:08:04,499 --> 00:08:06,131
You're not in the group.
206
00:08:06,129 --> 00:08:08,028
I will be.
207
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:13,356
While my dad drank up,
I prepared to get beat up.
208
00:08:17,046 --> 00:08:19,178
COACH:
Look for it. Look for it.
209
00:08:19,175 --> 00:08:20,841
Look, he's giving it to you.
210
00:08:20,840 --> 00:08:22,406
Work it, work it.
211
00:08:22,404 --> 00:08:23,936
Look for the leg.
212
00:08:23,935 --> 00:08:25,568
Don't lock up!
213
00:08:25,567 --> 00:08:27,799
REFEREE:
Two points red.
214
00:08:29,625 --> 00:08:32,958
(bones crunching,
wrestler shrieking)
215
00:08:32,954 --> 00:08:34,220
Yeah!
216
00:08:34,220 --> 00:08:36,153
(crowd jeering)
217
00:08:39,179 --> 00:08:41,211
Get him. Get him off.
218
00:08:41,209 --> 00:08:44,442
I joined the wrestling team so
I could get a varsity letter,
219
00:08:44,438 --> 00:08:48,271
but now I was afraid
I would get three of them:DOA.
220
00:08:49,297 --> 00:08:51,296
Smart bastard.
221
00:08:51,294 --> 00:08:53,160
He used a Manhattan Neck Snap.
222
00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:54,424
They just legalized it.
223
00:08:54,423 --> 00:08:56,255
You didn't mention
I could get my neck snapped.
224
00:08:56,253 --> 00:08:57,985
We had a lot to go over.
225
00:08:57,984 --> 00:08:59,949
That might be something
you want to mention.
226
00:08:59,947 --> 00:09:01,280
Look, you want
to get your letter?
227
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:02,979
Get out on that mat. Now.
228
00:09:08,833 --> 00:09:11,800
(crowd shouting encouragement)
229
00:09:14,924 --> 00:09:18,057
The Tessio Tigers
do not have a wrestler
230
00:09:18,053 --> 00:09:19,985
to compete in this weight class,
231
00:09:19,983 --> 00:09:22,182
and therefore,
the Tattaglia Sleeping Fish
232
00:09:22,180 --> 00:09:24,213
win by default.
233
00:09:24,211 --> 00:09:25,943
(cheering)
234
00:09:25,941 --> 00:09:28,506
Look at you, with your win
by forfeit, huh?
235
00:09:28,503 --> 00:09:30,836
You're one step closer
to that letter.
236
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:33,567
I'm just glad
my neck still works.
237
00:09:37,291 --> 00:09:39,756
Back at school, the Black
Plague was killing them.
238
00:09:39,753 --> 00:09:42,686
(cheering)
239
00:09:48,207 --> 00:09:51,973
(cheering)
240
00:09:51,969 --> 00:09:53,301
(cheering continues)
241
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:55,132
While I was
on top of the world,
242
00:09:55,130 --> 00:09:57,029
Tonya was just trying
to get put on.
243
00:09:57,027 --> 00:09:58,993
Have you found
a third member yet?
244
00:09:58,991 --> 00:10:01,124
No, not yet, but I will soon.
245
00:10:02,086 --> 00:10:03,285
See ya tomorrow.
246
00:10:03,285 --> 00:10:04,284
See ya.
247
00:10:04,283 --> 00:10:05,250
See ya.
248
00:10:17,064 --> 00:10:19,462
* So all you fly mothers *
249
00:10:19,459 --> 00:10:21,759
* Get on out there and dance *
250
00:10:21,757 --> 00:10:24,156
* Dance, I said *
251
00:10:24,153 --> 00:10:26,818
* Salt-N-Pepa's here
And we're in effect *
252
00:10:26,815 --> 00:10:28,481
* Want you to push it, babe *
253
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:32,412
* Coolin' by day, then at night
Working up a sweat *
254
00:10:32,407 --> 00:10:34,473
* Come on, girls
Let's go show the guys *
255
00:10:34,470 --> 00:10:37,003
* That we know
How to become number one *
256
00:10:37,001 --> 00:10:38,666
* In a hot party show *
257
00:10:38,664 --> 00:10:40,463
* Now, push it *
258
00:10:40,461 --> 00:10:41,760
♪ Push it ♪
259
00:10:41,759 --> 00:10:43,791
* Push it good *
260
00:10:43,789 --> 00:10:45,655
♪ Push it ♪
261
00:10:45,654 --> 00:10:47,453
* Push it real good *
262
00:10:47,451 --> 00:10:49,251
♪ Ah, push it ♪
263
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:51,580
* Push it good *
264
00:10:51,578 --> 00:10:53,477
(turns off music)
265
00:10:53,475 --> 00:10:54,608
Whoa.
266
00:10:54,607 --> 00:10:56,539
When did you learn
how to do that?
267
00:10:56,537 --> 00:10:57,636
It doesn't matter.
268
00:10:57,635 --> 00:10:59,367
Now, am I in the group or not?
269
00:10:59,366 --> 00:11:01,432
Yeah.
270
00:11:01,430 --> 00:11:02,829
All right, then.
271
00:11:02,828 --> 00:11:04,927
While Tonya had made the group,
272
00:11:04,924 --> 00:11:07,023
my mother was making
more shakes.
273
00:11:07,021 --> 00:11:09,553
I made extra in case
anybody wants seconds.
274
00:11:09,550 --> 00:11:11,116
Nobody wanted firsts.
275
00:11:11,115 --> 00:11:13,414
Hey, Chris, how's it going
on the wrestling team?
276
00:11:13,411 --> 00:11:15,610
Oh, I'm undefeated.
They call me the Black Plague.
277
00:11:15,608 --> 00:11:17,907
Isn't that an insult?
278
00:11:17,905 --> 00:11:19,305
Well, I'm just glad
you're winning.
279
00:11:19,304 --> 00:11:21,036
You don't want to know
the things they called
280
00:11:21,034 --> 00:11:22,200
Jackie Robinson.
281
00:11:22,199 --> 00:11:23,363
If you really want to know,
282
00:11:23,362 --> 00:11:24,795
ask Michael Richards
or Don Imus.
283
00:11:24,794 --> 00:11:26,459
You know, these shakes
would be really good
284
00:11:26,458 --> 00:11:28,091
with a burger and some fries.
285
00:11:28,089 --> 00:11:29,588
Can we get some real food?
286
00:11:29,587 --> 00:11:31,086
Yeah. I'm hungry.
Me too.
287
00:11:31,085 --> 00:11:32,584
Look, why don't
288
00:11:32,582 --> 00:11:34,148
we all just give
this diet a chance?
289
00:11:34,147 --> 00:11:35,913
I think it's pretty good,
actually.
290
00:11:35,911 --> 00:11:38,076
My father didn't
really like the shakes.
291
00:11:38,074 --> 00:11:40,740
He just found out
it was cheaper than groceries.
292
00:11:40,737 --> 00:11:42,502
And, you know,
since we've been on this diet,
293
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:44,200
I've saved over $50
in groceries.
294
00:11:44,199 --> 00:11:45,697
Told you.
295
00:11:45,696 --> 00:11:47,295
While I was waiting
on my letter,
296
00:11:47,293 --> 00:11:48,993
Drew was handing his out.
297
00:11:48,992 --> 00:11:50,624
So these are your costumes.
298
00:11:50,622 --> 00:11:51,988
TONYA:
I don't like these.
299
00:11:51,987 --> 00:11:53,585
What's wrong with what I had on?
300
00:11:53,584 --> 00:11:55,817
It'll look better on TV.
301
00:11:55,814 --> 00:11:58,013
Tonya, just wear
what I gave you.
302
00:11:58,011 --> 00:12:01,144
Okay, we have rehearsals
every day at 3:00.
303
00:12:01,140 --> 00:12:03,072
I'm not rehearsing at 3:00.
304
00:12:03,070 --> 00:12:04,668
That's when I watch
my game shows.
305
00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:06,234
Let's do it at 4:00.
306
00:12:06,233 --> 00:12:07,232
Is that cool with y'all?
307
00:12:07,231 --> 00:12:08,296
Yeah.
Works for me.
308
00:12:13,987 --> 00:12:16,452
Later, it turned out
everybody in the house
309
00:12:16,449 --> 00:12:18,315
was on a diet
when they were together.
310
00:12:18,313 --> 00:12:21,246
When they were apart,
it was a different story.
311
00:12:22,940 --> 00:12:25,272
My mother atefries...
312
00:12:30,462 --> 00:12:32,795
Tonya ate slices...
313
00:12:40,612 --> 00:12:42,746
Drew ate doughnuts...
314
00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:50,667
And I ate it all.
315
00:12:50,664 --> 00:12:52,164
What's all this for?
316
00:12:52,163 --> 00:12:53,761
Something to show
our appreciation
317
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:55,325
for representing
our school so well.
318
00:12:55,323 --> 00:12:56,589
And if you
get a letter,
319
00:12:56,588 --> 00:12:58,021
there's more where
that came from.
320
00:12:58,020 --> 00:12:59,886
BOTH:
A lot more.
321
00:12:59,884 --> 00:13:02,849
Unfortunately, they were
still talking about cookies.
322
00:13:02,846 --> 00:13:04,311
The only one who was drinking
323
00:13:04,310 --> 00:13:06,010
instead of eating
was my father.
324
00:13:06,008 --> 00:13:07,507
This stuff is pretty good.
325
00:13:07,506 --> 00:13:08,738
Y'all want some more?
ALL: No.
326
00:13:08,737 --> 00:13:10,903
No. That's all right.
I gotta go
327
00:13:10,901 --> 00:13:11,933
clip my toenails.
328
00:13:11,932 --> 00:13:13,498
More for me.
329
00:13:13,497 --> 00:13:14,963
While my father
was pounding shakes,
330
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:17,393
I was pounding cake.
331
00:13:17,391 --> 00:13:19,590
Chris, get on the scale.
332
00:13:19,587 --> 00:13:21,320
Hold this.
333
00:13:25,645 --> 00:13:27,143
One-fourteen.
334
00:13:27,142 --> 00:13:29,441
You're going to have
to wrestle a class up today.
335
00:13:29,439 --> 00:13:30,438
How did that happen?
336
00:13:30,437 --> 00:13:31,470
What did you expect?
337
00:13:31,469 --> 00:13:33,035
You ate a couple
pieces of pound cake,
338
00:13:33,034 --> 00:13:34,499
so you gained
a couple of pounds.
339
00:13:34,498 --> 00:13:36,197
Anyways, I gotta go
to drama club.
340
00:13:36,195 --> 00:13:37,461
Be careful
out there, man.
341
00:13:37,460 --> 00:13:39,225
I'm not worried about it.
342
00:13:39,224 --> 00:13:41,490
What difference
could a pound make?
343
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,721
None, unless I had
to fight somebody.
344
00:13:51,372 --> 00:13:52,572
(whistle blows)
345
00:13:53,469 --> 00:13:54,702
(grunting)
346
00:13:54,701 --> 00:13:56,367
Ow.
347
00:13:58,429 --> 00:14:01,829
Not even Don King could
have fixed that match.
348
00:14:05,718 --> 00:14:07,250
Unfortunately for me,
they found a cure
349
00:14:07,248 --> 00:14:09,647
for the Black Plague:
a good ass whooping.
350
00:14:09,645 --> 00:14:11,277
Hey, Coach.
351
00:14:11,275 --> 00:14:13,942
Yeah, I've been meaning
to talk to you about that.
352
00:14:13,939 --> 00:14:16,337
I'm not your coach anymore.
353
00:14:16,335 --> 00:14:17,668
What?
354
00:14:17,667 --> 00:14:19,599
Yeah, look,
you had a good run,
355
00:14:19,597 --> 00:14:21,095
but you're off the team.
356
00:14:21,093 --> 00:14:22,359
How am I off the team?
357
00:14:22,358 --> 00:14:23,457
I was undefeated.
358
00:14:23,457 --> 00:14:25,924
Look, at 113,
you were 7-0,
359
00:14:25,921 --> 00:14:27,252
but you gained weight,
you went up a class.
360
00:14:27,251 --> 00:14:28,250
You're 0-1.
361
00:14:28,249 --> 00:14:30,048
I'm sorry there, Plague.
362
00:14:30,047 --> 00:14:32,446
Reign of terror is done.
363
00:14:32,443 --> 00:14:34,676
Do I still get my
varsity letter?
364
00:14:34,674 --> 00:14:36,640
Look, you showed up
for practice,
365
00:14:36,638 --> 00:14:39,004
you put in the time,
and you won by forfeit.
366
00:14:39,001 --> 00:14:40,633
I can't penalize you for that,
367
00:14:40,632 --> 00:14:42,564
but when you actually
had to compete
368
00:14:42,562 --> 00:14:44,661
against somebody, you lost.
369
00:14:44,659 --> 00:14:47,157
Now, I could give you a letter,
370
00:14:47,154 --> 00:14:50,120
but it would be
an L for "loser."
371
00:14:50,116 --> 00:14:51,849
Maybe next time.
(hisses in pain)
372
00:14:51,848 --> 00:14:53,614
Let's go.
373
00:14:53,612 --> 00:14:55,077
Hey.
374
00:14:55,076 --> 00:14:57,775
(both girls groan)
375
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,638
Oh, Chris.
376
00:14:59,636 --> 00:15:02,401
What were you thinking,
getting out on that mat?
377
00:15:02,398 --> 00:15:04,097
I was trying to get
a varsity letter.
378
00:15:04,095 --> 00:15:05,728
Well, you didn't need
to go out there
379
00:15:05,727 --> 00:15:08,459
and let those boys
go upside your head for that.
380
00:15:08,456 --> 00:15:09,856
There are other ways
to get a letter.
381
00:15:09,854 --> 00:15:11,419
Like what?
382
00:15:11,418 --> 00:15:12,917
You could audition
for the drama club.
383
00:15:12,916 --> 00:15:15,949
You can get a letter
for being an actor? Sure.
384
00:15:15,945 --> 00:15:19,243
I bet you'd be a natural,
like Jim Kelly, Jim Brown,
385
00:15:19,239 --> 00:15:22,205
Blackula, O.J. Simpson.
386
00:15:22,202 --> 00:15:25,801
Your people have a natural
facility for deception.
387
00:15:25,796 --> 00:15:28,028
Why not use it
to your advantage?
388
00:15:28,026 --> 00:15:29,525
Because I'm too busy
robbing people,
389
00:15:29,524 --> 00:15:32,623
dealing drugs
and making babies.
390
00:15:32,619 --> 00:15:35,051
While I was thinking about
acting, Tonya was acting out.
391
00:15:35,048 --> 00:15:36,714
* Baby, baby *
392
00:15:36,713 --> 00:15:38,112
* Ooh, baby, baby *
393
00:15:38,111 --> 00:15:39,744
All right,
that was pretty good.
394
00:15:39,742 --> 00:15:41,541
It was sloppy.
395
00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:44,305
Let's take it from the top.
No, Tonya, it was fine.
396
00:15:44,301 --> 00:15:46,734
Do you want fine
or spectacular?
397
00:15:46,732 --> 00:15:48,564
All right,
let's take it from the top.
398
00:15:48,562 --> 00:15:50,494
Thank you.
399
00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:52,158
("Push it" by Salt-N-Pepa
playing)
400
00:15:52,156 --> 00:15:53,155
* Push it... *
401
00:15:53,155 --> 00:15:55,954
And five, six,
seven, eight.
402
00:16:01,941 --> 00:16:04,474
You're eating
a Slopper?
403
00:16:04,471 --> 00:16:06,438
You want a bite?
404
00:16:09,030 --> 00:16:10,563
So I've been spending
money on shakes
405
00:16:10,562 --> 00:16:12,161
while you've been
wasting money on food?
406
00:16:12,159 --> 00:16:15,291
Only my father would think food
was a waste of money.
407
00:16:15,287 --> 00:16:17,220
ALL:
Yes.
408
00:16:17,219 --> 00:16:21,051
I work two jobs, and you
let me leave the house
409
00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:22,612
with nothing on my stomach
410
00:16:22,610 --> 00:16:24,109
but a fish juice shake?
411
00:16:24,108 --> 00:16:26,374
Not cool, unless your
husband's a shark.
412
00:16:26,372 --> 00:16:29,437
If this is how you do when
you're trying to get skinny,
413
00:16:29,433 --> 00:16:31,766
I'd rather have you fat.
414
00:16:31,763 --> 00:16:34,028
That's what Kirstie Alley's
man said to her.
415
00:16:34,026 --> 00:16:37,192
Chris, I'm so glad
you decided to audition.
416
00:16:37,188 --> 00:16:39,120
I need a letter.
417
00:16:39,118 --> 00:16:41,883
So, what have you prepared
for us, Chris?
418
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:44,146
I would like to do a selection
from Uncle Ben's Cabin.
419
00:16:44,144 --> 00:16:46,876
You mean Uncle Tom's Cabin?
No.
420
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,173
Uncle Ben's.
It's a lesser known work
421
00:16:48,172 --> 00:16:50,004
by Mark Twain's
cousin, Dwayne.
422
00:16:50,002 --> 00:16:51,101
Dwayne Twain?
423
00:16:51,100 --> 00:16:53,933
Yes.
Go ahead.
424
00:16:56,426 --> 00:17:00,491
Rice, rice, rice.
425
00:17:00,486 --> 00:17:03,519
You think all I
knows is rice?
426
00:17:03,515 --> 00:17:05,647
I was there when
George Washington Carver
427
00:17:05,645 --> 00:17:07,611
shucked that
first peanut.
428
00:17:07,609 --> 00:17:12,608
I make yams and corn and cotton,
429
00:17:12,602 --> 00:17:16,267
but all America wants
is them little grains of rice.
430
00:17:16,262 --> 00:17:18,261
I gives
431
00:17:18,259 --> 00:17:21,393
and I gives,
432
00:17:24,050 --> 00:17:27,550
till I can't gives no more.
433
00:17:30,375 --> 00:17:33,806
Still I rise.
434
00:17:33,802 --> 00:17:38,869
Oh, Chris, I have just the part
for you in our next production.
435
00:17:40,825 --> 00:17:44,458
At the video shoot, Tonya
was ready for her close-up.
436
00:17:44,453 --> 00:17:46,751
Look, Tonya, for the sake
of art and commerce,
437
00:17:46,749 --> 00:17:48,682
let's just get along, okay?
438
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:50,879
Honey, it's showtime.
439
00:17:51,975 --> 00:17:53,374
Roll the tape.
440
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,906
Start the camera.
441
00:17:56,767 --> 00:18:00,033
("Push It" playing)
442
00:18:00,029 --> 00:18:02,262
* Ooh, baby, baby *
443
00:18:02,259 --> 00:18:03,857
* Baby, baby *
444
00:18:03,856 --> 00:18:05,690
* Ooh, baby, baby *
445
00:18:05,688 --> 00:18:07,919
* B-baby, baby... *
446
00:18:07,917 --> 00:18:10,151
I'm still mad.
447
00:18:12,311 --> 00:18:14,909
Does that make
it better?
448
00:18:14,906 --> 00:18:16,340
A little.
449
00:18:20,764 --> 00:18:22,430
How about that?
450
00:18:22,429 --> 00:18:24,828
Mm. That's pretty good.
451
00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:30,952
How about that?
452
00:18:30,949 --> 00:18:32,681
Why was I mad again?
453
00:18:32,679 --> 00:18:34,445
(chuckling)
454
00:18:34,444 --> 00:18:37,277
While my parents were
making up, I was acting out.
455
00:18:37,273 --> 00:18:39,472
Oh, Abe,
456
00:18:39,470 --> 00:18:41,002
this is a wonderful play.
457
00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:42,867
I think you're
going to like it.
458
00:18:44,928 --> 00:18:46,629
(gun popping)
459
00:18:53,516 --> 00:18:55,847
(cheering, applause)
460
00:18:55,844 --> 00:18:59,144
Yo, keep sending in those
videos, but remember,
461
00:18:59,140 --> 00:19:02,172
your song has to be original
to be aired.
462
00:19:02,169 --> 00:19:03,801
Keep watching Video Turntable.
463
00:19:03,799 --> 00:19:05,398
Well, thanks
for the rehearsal space.
464
00:19:05,397 --> 00:19:06,863
Yeah, too bad it didn't pay off,
465
00:19:06,862 --> 00:19:08,161
but any idiot knows
466
00:19:08,160 --> 00:19:09,725
you're supposed to sing
your own songs.
467
00:19:09,723 --> 00:19:10,989
That's okay.
468
00:19:10,988 --> 00:19:13,020
You guys will figure out
something better next time.
469
00:19:13,018 --> 00:19:14,319
Yeah, well, good luck.
470
00:19:15,483 --> 00:19:17,315
There won't be a next
time with me.
471
00:19:17,313 --> 00:19:18,512
I'm taking the other girls
472
00:19:18,511 --> 00:19:19,943
and we're starting
our own group.
473
00:19:19,942 --> 00:19:23,508
Called TMA: Too Much Attitude.
474
00:19:23,503 --> 00:19:25,701
Ooh.
475
00:19:25,699 --> 00:19:27,132
Bam!
476
00:19:27,131 --> 00:19:28,130
(chuckling)
477
00:19:28,129 --> 00:19:29,594
Ma, why are you
wearing my jeans?
478
00:19:29,593 --> 00:19:30,692
These are my jeans.
479
00:19:30,692 --> 00:19:31,825
No, they're not.
480
00:19:31,824 --> 00:19:33,190
They're my ten dollar
lucky jeans.
481
00:19:33,189 --> 00:19:35,355
I always keep ten dollars
in the right front pocket.
482
00:19:37,915 --> 00:19:39,347
You mean I've been
killing myself
483
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:41,111
to get into a boy's
pair of pants?
484
00:19:41,110 --> 00:19:42,309
You and Michael Jackson.
485
00:19:42,308 --> 00:19:43,507
That was--
486
00:19:43,506 --> 00:19:46,838
$98.45 worth of wasted shakes.
487
00:19:46,834 --> 00:19:48,467
It's not a total waste.
488
00:19:48,466 --> 00:19:49,832
(smacks)
489
00:19:51,827 --> 00:19:53,161
Baby, give me a biscuit.
490
00:19:54,555 --> 00:19:57,088
You're a terrible
producer.
491
00:19:57,086 --> 00:19:58,918
The next day at school,
492
00:19:58,916 --> 00:20:01,715
my quest for a varsity letter
finally came to an end.
493
00:20:01,712 --> 00:20:02,978
What's this?
494
00:20:02,977 --> 00:20:04,576
It's your letter.
495
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:10,266
This is a letter.
496
00:20:10,266 --> 00:20:11,831
Exactly.
497
00:20:11,829 --> 00:20:15,329
It's a letter welcoming you
into the Varsity Drama Club.
498
00:20:15,325 --> 00:20:18,090
If only I could letter
in choking the principal out.
499
00:20:19,929 --> 00:20:23,863
* Everybody hates Chris *
500
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:39,858
* Ah, make it funky now *
501
00:20:39,908 --> 00:20:44,458
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