All language subtitles for Everybody Hates Chris s02e22 Everybody Hates the Last Day.eng

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After another whole year at Corleone,

it was good to finally get
to the last week of school.

Summer vacation was ahead of me,

and the days of being bullied by Caruso
on a daily basis were behind me.

Man, I can't wait.

No more tests,
no more bus rides.

Hold on.
There.

- 2,100 minutes.
- What?

There are 2,100 minutes left
until the end of the school year.

Don't you mean five days?

I prefer 2,100 minutes.

- It sounds like less time.
- Whatever.

- What's wrong with you?
- Remember at the beginning of the year

when I said
I wanted things to be different?

Yeah, what about it?

Everything I didn't want
to have happen happened.

It hasn't been all bad.

You were elected student president.

- I was impeached.
- Keep it up.

You're gonna make this week
a lot longer than it has to be.

I want to do one thing before the end
of the year that I feel good about.

Hey, T.C. Five more days
till you're back in the hood.

Dropped something.

Don't you ever get tired of that?

I never get tired,
it never gets old.

You know, I think I know
how to make this all worthwhile.

What are you talking about?

I'm gonna get my revenge on Caruso.

Stay tuned for Revenge of the Nerd.

2x22 - Everybody Hates The Last Day

Capture:FRM@Aihua Presync:FRM@Alan Shu

Resync & revision: Sixe

The hardest thing
about planning revenge

is figuring out how far to go.

How's Operation
Get Revenge On Caruso going?

Not bad, but I'm changing
the operation name

to He Can Hear You, Stupid.

What's that?

It's my revenge list. I'm trying
to figure out the best way to do it.

You could toilet paper his house.

- Too dangerous.
- You could egg him on the way home.

- Too obvious.
- Put Ex-Lax in his hot chocolate.

- Too typical.
- Suit yourself,

but I'm saving that one
for a jerk to be named later.

Do you really think this is gonna work?

I want to show Caruso
that he can't keep messing with me

and get away with it.

I'm gonna get him back.

I'm gonna get
him back good.

Like Tina finally did to Ike.

While I was making up for the past,

Drew was getting ready for his future.

Look at you.

Oh, my baby's graduating.

- I think the hat looks stupid.
- Shut up.

- You shut up.
- Hey, hey, be quiet.

Hey, Mom, can we eat at Junior's
after graduation?

I hate Junior's.
Can we eat at Sylvia's?

Drew gets to pick.
He's the one graduating.

You know what? In that case, Ma,
we have to go to Sylvia's.

Oh, that's nice, baby.

To tell Sylvia we're eating at Junior's.

Well, we can ask your daddy.
I'm sure we can eat wherever you want.

As long as they have a
"Kids eat free after 4:00 p.m." special.

I don't know what's
so special about graduating.

Nothing, if you're happy saying,
"May I take your order, please?"

What's so special is:

I don't have to go to little kid school
with you anymore.

- I'm grown.
- You're not grown; you're stupid.

- You're stupid.
- You're stupid.

Didn't I say "Stop"?

Hey, Ma,
can I show the guys my cap and gown?

You ain't gonna mess that gown up,

and then go walking across the stage
looking like "Who did that to you?"

Take it off.

And give me the hat, too.

I'm gonna hang this in your closet,

and I better not see you
in it until graduation day.

- You understand me?
- Yes, ma'am.

Excuse me?
I di... what?

Yes, ma'am.

All right.

While Drew was moving up,
Mr. Omar's drain was stopped up.

How long has it been like that?

Ever since it got back
from vacation in Haiti.

I don't know.

Some time overnight,
it just got all backed up.

I'll take care of it.

My father thought he could fix anything
with Crazy Glue or duct tape.

- What you doing?
- Fixing the table.

All done.

Did you fix that flat tire?

Good as new.

Did you fix that noise yet?

Quiet as a mouse.

Here, hold this for me.

I don't think duct tape
is gonna fix that, Mr. Julius.

Why don't you just call the plumber?

For $25 an hour?
I don't think so.

I know what to do.

In order to exact the perfect revenge,

I decided I should consult
some experts.

If I was you, I'd move onto his block
and take a dollar from him

every day for the rest of his life.

Let me hold a dollar.

You could slash his tires,
pour sugar in his gas tank,

put bleach on his clothes,
give his wife a bad perm.

Revenge?

Success... the best revenge.

My mother didn't say Drew couldn't wear
his graduation gown.

She just said she didn't want
to see him wearing it.

So when she wasn't around,
he watched TV in it...

he played sports in it...

He got ready for school in it...

he even practiced graduating
from another school in it.

With only four days
of school left to get Caruso,

I needed a crazy revenge plan,
so I asked a crazy person.

Hey, you know anything about revenge?

One time in this third world country,

I helped install this puppet regime

for this dictator's ex-wife
after a coup,

just so she could stop him
from getting his favorite suits.

So that's a yes?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Well, there's this kid Caruso.

He's been picking on me all year long
and I just want to get even.

You want to know how to do it?
If he pulls a knife, you pull a gun.

He sends one of yours to the hospital,
you send his to the morgue.

Now, you do that, and that will
end your problems with Caruso.

Crips and Bloods tried that.
Never quite seemed to work out.

I just want himto stop picking on me.

Okay, what do you know about him?

Well, he likes to beat me up.

- What else?
- Call me names.

- Is that all you know about him?
- Pretty much.

Then, that's your problem.

First rule of combat:
know your enemy.

Man, revenge is like a good
pair of night vision goggles.

If they're not made just for you,
they're never going to work,

and you're going to wind up
shooting your platoon leader in the neck

by accident.

Now, if you want to get
this revenge on this Caruso,

you got to study him--

you got to find out
his strengths and weaknesses.

You got to design
something especially for him.

Remember this:
revenge is a dish best served cold.

I thought that was meatloaf.

Thanks.

So now the plan was
"Operation Get To Know Caruso."

My mission with Caruso was simple,

find out things
without getting found out.

What happened?
Did he spot us?

No, but only because he didn't
see us behind that mustache.

How are you going to follow
someone with a fake mustache

and a Hawaiian shirt
and expect them not to notice you?

Works for Magnum, P.I.

Number one,
Tom Selleck is a 45-year-old man.

Two, he wears Hawaiian shirts in Hawaii.

There, they're just shirts.

It's like Chinese food in China.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

There's Mandarin, Cantonese, Szechuan,

my favorite, Hunan, Shanghai...

What's he doing?

Looks like he's waiting for somebody.

What time is it?

3:15.

He's waiting for me.

Hey, you seen Chris?

He's warming up.

He's leaving.

You okay?

Hey, are you Chris?

Next time, be on time.

If nothing else,

at least I learned to use
a different door to leave school.

Back at home, Drew's graduation
was gradually getting to Tonya.

Why don't you take
that stupid cap and gown off?

You know Momma said not to wear it.

You're just jealous
because I look so cool.

You don't look cool;
you look stupid.

You're the one that's gonna look stupid
in your little baby school.

I'm not a baby; you're a baby.

That's why this baby
is graduating.

Clean it up.

Now you clean it up.

Everybody quiet.
I want to hear Drew's last words.

Go take that gown off.

Clean this mess up.

If that was me,
I'd be cleaning my teeth up.

Meanwhile, my father tried
to replace a $25-an-hour plumber

with a 14 cents-an-ounce bottle.

Drainada?

That's right.
It's Spanish Drano.

Doesn't "Drano" already sound Spanish?

It's just as good as the real thing.

What's in it?

Sodium hydroxide and hot sauce.

It dissolves the clog and leaves
the pipes with a fresh, spicy scent.

Does it work?

You ever heard of a Puerto Rican
with a plugged-up sink?

It's just hitting Mr. Omar

that maybe he did know a Puerto Rican
with a plugged-up sink.

Back on the street,
something else was going down.

This is boring, man.

If this were Magnum,
it'd be a good time for a car chase.

You satisfied?

Greg, stop!

Greg just set a record
in the 100-meter run-like-a-girl.

I'd been following Caruso all day

and I had come to a conclusion.

Bullies are strange people.

Thanks for taking care of her for me.

He's a cat lover?

It was like finding out

that Saddam Hussein collected
Cabbage Patch Kids.

Who's a good kitty?

I love you. Yes, I do.

You curious, kitty?

I love you. You want to go home?

I figured that with Caruso,
this pet would be all white.

Let's go home
and meet your new mommy.

Yes.

While I was on Caruso's tail,

my mother was about
to get on Drew's behind.

Why did I tell you
not to wear this gown?

- 'Cause I'd mess it up.
- And what happened?

- I messed it up.
- I tried to tell him...

Girl, when I'm ready to talk to you,
I will let you know.

What am I supposed
to do with this, Drew?

- Can you fix it?
- "Can you fix it?"

I shouldn't have to fix it.

That's why I told you
not to wear it in the first place.

And back to you.
What in the world

would possess you to throw
ice cream on your brother?

Because he's always teasing me
because he's graduating, and I'm not.

I'm sick of him.

Baby, it's just his turn.

One day, you're gonna graduate,

and if your father
has anything to do with it,

you will be getting
on everybody's nerves.

Trust me.

But baby, until then,
you just have to be patient.

But when Drew leaves Dolemite,
who's gonna walk me to school?

Even though Tonya
was a menace to society,

she was still a little girl at heart.

I will, Tonya.

I'm only going to Sanford.

I can still walk you.

You will?

Yeah.

I think you owe your
brother an apology.

I'm sorry.

And I think you owe
your sister an apology.

Don't look at me like that.

I'm sorry for teasing you.

So now that you're sorry,

and you're sorry,
I'm gonna be sorry, too.

Oh, yeah, take it upstairs.

That day, my mother performed

Bed-Stuy's first
synchronized behind beating.

Mr. Omar's drain was still clogged,
so my father kept plugging away.

Don't you think you ought
to call a plumber?

I told you,
I don't need a plumber.

Not when I got this.

"Custodian in a Conga"?

Yeah, Custodian in a Conga.
I mean, it's like Janitor in a Drum,

only it's 30% stronger,
and 20% less.

Well, it better work 30% faster,
'cause I need my sink.

Watch this.

Some day, Al Gore is gonna
trace global warming back to that sink.

Finding out that Caruso loved cats
was one thing.

Finding out how to use it
against him was something else.

Maybe you could kidnap one of his cats,

hold him for ransom,
and when he doesn't send the money,

you could cut off one of the cat's ears,

send it in a plain brown wrapper
just to let him know you're serious.

At that moment, I was happy
that I'd always been nice to Greg.

What the heck is this?

Banacek.
I'm mixing it up.

I don't know, man.
Maybe this isn't such a good idea.

What are you talking about?

I just wish Caruso would leave me alone,
and I feel like if I get my revenge,

I'll be no better than him.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

You should be the bigger man.

You should just forget about that time
he hit you with paint balloons.

Or about the time
he egged you on Halloween.

Or the time he stole
your picture day clothes.

Go ahead,
let the cycle of violence continue.

- You know what they say.
- What do they say?

All it takes for evil to prevail

is for a few good men to do nothing.

Out of my way, Count Chocula.
I got places to be.

You're a better man than me.

Oh, we'll see about that.

Since my father hadn't fixed the sink,
Mr. Omar decided to fix him.

Slumlord?!
What?

Mr. Omar contacted the Housing Authority

and said that we're refusing
to maintain the apartment.

You should call the Housing Authority
about his blacklight panther poster.

Well, Julius, you got two choices.

Either call a lawyer,

or call a plumber.

Good thing they don't sell
Johnnie Cochran in a Can.

On the next-to-last day of school,

I felt like I was about to get on
with the rest of my life

without being bothered by Caruso.

So, you figured out
what we're gonna do yet?

So when do we start?

It's not we this time, Greg.

I have to do this by myself.

If something goes wrong,
I can't have you getting in trouble.

This is just like Doughboy and Tré
in Boys 'n the Hood.

You don't have to do that.

- We're in this together.
- Not this time.

If you say so.

So, what are you gonna do?

If I tell you,
I have to kill you.

You're joking, right?

Not even a little.

The best part about my revenge
was that Caruso would pay,

and nobody would get hurt.

My deed was done,
and at home, my dad was undone.

Here you go.

$268?

To unclog a drain?

It wasn't just a clogged drain.

I had to replace a U pipe,
your trap, washers,

your valves.

What the hell you been pouring
down that drain anyway?

It smells like hot sauce.

- It's Drainada.
- Spanish Drano?

Do me a favor--
keep using that stuff.

It's good for business.

Do you take coupons?

Tragic, tragic!

All it took for my mother
to clean Drew's gown

was a pair of scissors
and a well-placed scarf.

Let's hear it for our most popular
student with a 2.0 grade point average,

That's my brother!

Where'd he get that?

With that plumbing bill,
I hope I didn't pay for it.

I made it
from what was left of his gown.

My family didn't get this excited

about anything I did
until my first HBO special.

The next day I found out
I had taken revenge

to a whole new level.

We're standing outside Corleone
Junior High, where just an hour ago,

toxic fumes
filled the hallways and...

You're not telling me
we're supposed to go back in there?

- That is an awful smell.
- It's not toxic.

It's somewhere on the first floor,
maybe the locker.

What's that?

Where is she going?

Oh, my God!

It's like that movie The Birds.

Except with cats.

That's my locker.

Open it.

Looks like we've got
ourselves a little practical joker.

You think this is funny?

I do.

There's cat food
in the heating ducts.

In the desks.

All over.

I didn't do this.

Oh, really? You think because
this is the last day of school,

you're gonna get away with this?

You're sadly mistaken.

Not only are you not going
to get away with it,

you'll be paying for this all summer.

What?!

Revenge might be cold,
but I felt warm all over.

So how'd it go in there?

I don't got time for you, Bean Pie.

Bean Pie?
Oh, I got your Bean Pie.

That's why you'll stay
the rest of the summer in detention.

What do you know about that?

I know that
this time you got detention.

Next time you might get
kicked out of school.

You set me up?

Could have been me,
or it could have been anybody.

All I know is that if I was you,
I wouldn't mess with me again.

See you in September, Spanky.

I was just coming to see you.

You were? Why?

I've got some bad news.

You failed Science.

- You have to go to summer school.
- Summer school?!

Perhaps next year you'll study harder.

See you Monday... Booger.

Can't we all just get along?

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