Original subtitles

- IN MY LINE OF WORK,

YOU CAN NEVER TURN YOUR BACK ON A FIRE, DOCTOR WESTON.

SHE'S A LIVING, BREATHING ENTITY

WITH A MIND OF HER OWN WHO CAN LASH OUT AT ANY SECOND.

- I KNOW THE FEELING.

- I HEARD THAT.

- SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?

ARE YOU UP TO THE TASK?

- YOU KNOW, I THINK LAVERNE CAN HANDLE THIS.

- HANDLE WHAT? - WELL, INSPECTOR LOPEZ NEEDS

A FIRE-SAFETY COORDINATOR FOR OUR FLOOR.

- REALLY? YOU WANT ME TO BE FIRE-SAFETY COORDINATOR?

- YEAH, WELL, I THOUGHT--

- WHAT WILL MY POWERS BE?

- YOUR POWERS?

- YES, MY POWERS.

- YOUR DUTIES WILL BE

TO KEEP PEOPLE AWARE OF FIRE PROCEDURES,

CONDUCT FIRE DRILLS,

AND YOU'LL BE IN CHARGE IN THE EVENT OF AN ACTUAL FIRE.

- I'LL BE IN CHARGE?

- IF YOU GOT THE STOMACH FOR IT.

- TRY ME.

- YOU EVER WITNESS

SOMEONE BURNED BEYOND RECOGNITION?

THE STENCH OF CHARRED FLESH FILLS YOUR NOSTRILS.

- D'YOU EVER SEE A MAN'S TOES CHOPPED OFF

BY A MCCORMICK REAPER AND THROWED IN A PILE OF CORN?

- EVER SEEN A MAN LEAP FROM A TOWERING INFERNO

AND GO SPLAT ON THE PAVEMENT?

- OKAY, D'YOU EVER SEE A COW TURNED INSIDE OUT?

- ALL RIGHT, PLEASE.

PLEASE, IT'S--IT'S A DRAW.

I THINK...

I THINK LAVERNE'S YOUR PERSON.

- EVER SEEN A MAN'S HEAD AFTER IT'S BEEN SPLIT OPEN

TO THE BRAIN BY A BOLT OF LIGHTNING?

- OKAY, D'YOU EVER SEE A PIG RIP THROUGH A MAN'S GUTS

TO GET TO A COUPLE TURNIPS?

- ARE YOU MARRIED?

- LIFE GOES ON

AND SO DO WE

JUST HOW WE DO IT IS NO MYSTERY

ONE BY ONE

WE FILL THE DAYS

WE FIND A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS

SOMETIMES THE ANSWER CAN BE HARD TO FIND

THAT'S SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE

I'M ALWAYS HERE

FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED

RAIN OR SHINE, I'LL BE THE ONE

TO SHARE IT ALL AS LIFE GOES ON

WE SHARE IT ALL

AS LIFE GOES ON

- "IN CASE YOUR CLOTHES BECOME INFLAMED,

DROP TO THE GROUND AND ROLL TO EXTINGUISH SAME."

OH, HI.

I'M JUST ROLLIN' AROUND ON THE FLOOR.

- MY MOM ROLLED ON THE FLOOR TOO.

IT WAS JUST AFTER DAD SHAVED HIS EYEBROWS

AND JOINED QUEER NATION.

- UH, BARBARA CALLED. - FINALLY.

I HATE THESE SPECIAL UNDERCOVER ASSIGNMENTS.

WHAT DID SHE SAY? - WELL, SHE SAID

SHE CAN'T SAY WHERE SHE IS, CAN'T SAY WHEN SHE'LL BE BACK,

AND CAN'T SAY WHERE SHE'S GOIN'.

- GOOD. AS LONG AS SHE KEEPS ME INFORMED.

- HEY, HEY, HEY. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

- PETE STANLEY, IS THAT YOU?

- IF NOT, I'M WEARING HIS UNDERWEAR.

- GOOD TO SEE YOU. - LAVERNE, HOW YOU DOING?

- WELL, I HAVEN'T HAD A RAISE IN TWO YEAR--

- [babbles] HOW ARE THINGS IN VERO BEACH?

- OH, THERE WERE GOOD,

BUT, UH, I JUST GOT TRANSFERRED BACK TO MIAMI.

- THAT'S TERRIFIC. WELCOME BACK.

- THANKS. - HEY.

AREN'T YOU PETE STANLEY, THE PRO FOOTBALL PLAYER?

- WAS. NOW I'M, UH, PETE STANLEY,

THE INSURANCE SALESMAN.

- AN EX-JOCK WHO SELLS INSURANCE?

HOW UNUSUAL.

- WOW. YOU WERE THE MOST INJURED MAN IN PRO HISTORY.

- HEY, YOU KNOW A LOT ABOUT FOOTBALL, HUH?

- NO. IT JUST SAYS SO RIGHT HERE ON YOUR CARD.

- "THE MOST INJURED MAN IN PRO FOOTBALL

IS ACHING TO MEET YOUR INSURANCE NEEDS."

- I WROTE THE SLOGAN MYSELF.

I WANTED TO PUT AN END

TO THAT WHOLE DUMB-JOCK MYTH, YOU KNOW.

- IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU, MR. STANLEY.

- HEY, SAME HERE. LOOK, AND YOU BE SURE

AND GIVE THAT CARD TO YOUR PARENTS, HUH?

YOU TELL 'EM I'D BE HAPPY TO INSURE

A HEALTHY LITTLE FELLA LIKE YOU.

- OKAY. BYE.

- HE IS HEALTHY, ISN'T HE?

- SO HOW'S THE FAMILY?

I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING PAULEY'S FOOTBALL CAREER.

IT'S GREAT. HE MADE ALL-STATE HIS JUNIOR YEAR.

- YEAH, THAT'S KIND OF WHY I'M HERE TO SEE YOU.

HE MISSED HIS TEAM PHYSICAL,

AND, UH, I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD GIVE HIM ONE.

IT'S GOT TO BE DONE BY TOMORROW, THOUGH.

- WHAT, FOR PAULEY? SURE. ANYTHING.

HAVE HIM DROP BY AROUND LUNCHTIME.

- OH, DOC. ANYBODY EVER TELL YOU YOU'RE THE GREATEST?

- HEY, PETE. - YEAH, DOC?

- AH, YOU'RE CRUSHING MY ARM.

- OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE INSURED.

- PATRICK, DO YOU REMEMBER THIS SKIRT?

- SURE.

- WHEN DID I WEAR IT?

- YOU WORE IT TO THE THING.

- WHAT THING?

- YOU KNOW, THE THING WITH THE THING.

YOU--YOU WORE THAT.

- YOU DON'T REMEMBER.

PATRICK, I WORE IT ON OUR SECOND DATE.

WE WENT TO THE MOLLER CONCERT,

AND WE STROLLED IN THE PARK AND FED THE SWANS.

- RIGHT. - AND THEN WE CAME BACK HOME

AND TALKED ALL NIGHT ABOUT MY HOPES AND MY DREAMS.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

- LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY. I GOT TO GO.

- WHY DON'T WE TALK ANYMORE? - WE TALK.

- I MEAN REALLY TALK, ABOUT THE IMPORTANT THINGS,

LIKE MY HOPES, MY DREAMS.

- WE CAN TALK ABOUT THAT.

- OH, GOOD, BECAUSE I HAVE A HOPE...

NAY, A DREAM.

- CAROL, I'M SORRY.

I'M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF WORKING

ON A SCULPTURE IN THE GARAGE.

I JUST CAME IN FOR A GLASS OF WATER.

I GOT TO GO.

I LOVE YOU. WE'LL TALK TONIGHT, OKAY?

- OH.

OH, DREYFUSS, HE USED TO LOVE ME IN THIS SKIRT.

IS IT ME, OR HAS THIS SKIRT GOTTEN TIGHTER?

I'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE.

FIRST, YOUR MATE STOPS TALKING.

THEN HE STOPS LISTENING, AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW,

YOU'RE TELLING YOUR TROUBLES TO A DOG.

YOU KNOW, I WANTED A POODLE.

DON'T PATRONIZE ME.

- I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS, TRACY.

I'VE BEEN PLAYING SOFTBALL WITH YOUR HUSBAND FOR YEARS.

I NEVER KNEW HE HAD A WIFE WHO MODELED.

- I NEVER KNEW YOU WERE AN ARTIST.

- YOU AND 50 MILLION OTHER PEOPLE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GET STARTED? - SURE.

- OKAY.

NOW, JUST TILT YOUR HEAD TO THE LEFT A LITTLE, PLEASE.

AH, PERFECT.

- PATRICK.

DO YOU REMEMBER THESE SLACKS? I WORE THEM THE TIME--

OH, HELLO, NAKED WOMAN.

- HI.

- PATRICK, WORD. - CAROL, DO YOU MIND?

I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING HERE.

- PATRICK, STRONGER WORD.

- UH, TRACY, COULD YOU EXCUSE US FOR A MINUTE, PLEASE?

- AND YOU LET ME KNOW IF THERE'S ANYTHING YOU NEED...

LIKE UNDERPANTS.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME? - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- OUR RELATIONSHIP IS CRUMBLING.

I'M FORCED TO CONFIDE IN DREYFUSS,

AND YOU'RE DRAWING DIRTY PICTURES IN THE GARAGE?

- CAROL, OUR RELATIONSHIP IS FINE.

DREYFUSS IS A GOOD LISTENER, AND THIS IS MY WORK.

ARTISTS USE MODELS.

- WHAT HAPPENED TO CLOWNS?

- CLOWNS?

- YOU KNOW, HAPPY CLOWNS, SAD CLOWNS,

FULLY DRESSED CLOWNS.

- CAROL, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I AM PAYING HER BY THE HOUR.

- RIGHT. JUST LEAVE IT ON THE DRESSER.

OKAY, I'M SORRY. YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU'RE AN ARTIST, AND THIS IS JUST YOUR MODEL.

DOES SHE HAVE SOME SORT OF MODEL I.D.?

- NOT ON HER.

- WHY CAN'T I BE YOUR MODEL?

- YOU CAN, JUST NOT FOR THIS PIECE.

- WHY NOT?

- BECAUSE YOUR LINES AREN'T RIGHT.

I NEED SOMEONE MORE LIKE...

THAT.

- YOU MEAN SKINNY.

- NO, I MEAN LINEAR.

- AREN'T I LINEAR?

OH. I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.

WELL, OKAY, I'LL LET YOU TWO GET BACK TO WORK.

GOOD-BYE, NAKED WOMAN.

- SORRY ABOUT THE INTERRUPTION, TRACY.

OKAY...

CHARLEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP THERE?

- YES, THE PLANS FOR THE FIRE DRILL

ARE COMIN' ALONG FINE, INSPECTOR LOPEZ.

ALL RIGHT. JULIO.

NOW, DON'T TRY TO SWEET-TALK ME.

I TOLD YOU I AM NOT DATING AT THIS TIME.

NO, YOU CANNOT BRING YOUR JAWS OF LIFE

OVER TO MY HOUSE.

- OKAY, LOOKS GOOD.

- I REALLY APPRECIATE THIS, DOCTOR WESTON--

YOUR SQUEEZING ME IN LIKE THIS.

- OH, IT'S MY PLEASURE.

I REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE,

I ALWAYS GAVE YOU A LOLLIPOP TO KEEP YOU FROM CRYING.

- I ALWAYS STARTED CRYING SO YOU'D GIVE ME A LOLLIPOP.

- HOW ABOUT THIS-- A LITTLE BLAST FROM THE PAST?

- HEY, THE DISAPPEARING-THUMB TRICK.

I CAN'T BELIEVE I USED TO THINK THAT WAS COOL.

- YOU JUST BLEW YOUR LOLLIPOP.

BOY, I CAN'T-- I CAN'T BELIEVE

HOW BIG YOU'VE GOTTEN IN THE LAST YEAR.

- YEAH. WELL, I SPEND TWO HOURS A DAY ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD,

TWO HOURS IN THE WEIGHT ROOM,

AND THE OTHER 23 LOOKING FOR FOOD.

- DOESN'T LEAVE MUCH TIME FOR MATH.

SO HOW ARE YOUR STUDIES GOING?

- OH, NOT BAD, BUT I AIN'T EXACTLY A ROCKET SURGEON.

- WELL, WHO IS, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW, GETTING GOOD GRADES CAN ONLY HELP YOU.

- WELL, THE WAY I SEE IT,

IF I PERFORM ON THE FIELD THE WAY I SHOULD,

I WON'T NEED GOOD GRADES. - THAT'S NOT TRUE.

WITHOUT GOOD GRADES, YOU CAN'T GET INTO COLLEGE...

EXCEPT MAYBE NEVADA.

- WELL, I'VE GOT SCHOLARSHIP OFFERS COMING OUT THE WAZOO...

SOME FROM STATES I'VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF.

DID YOU KNOW THERE'S A WEST VIRGINIA?

- YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

IT'S JUST WEST OF, UM...

VIRGINIA.

BLOOD PRESSURE IS A LITTLE HIGH.

COME ON, LET'S GO, KIDDO.

- FIRE DRILL, FIRE DRILL, FIRE DRILL.

FIRE DRILL. IT IS IMPORTANT--

IT IS IMPORTANT TO REMAIN CALM

AND MOVE SINGLE FILE TOWARD THE FIRE EXITS.

- LAVERNE, THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME.

- A FIRE KNOWS NO GOOD TIME.

COME ON, IT'S DRILL DAY. I HAVE IT ALL PLANNED.

- LAVERNE... - COME ON, IT'LL BE FUN.

- LAVERNE, SOME OTHER TIME.

- DOCTOR, YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON YOU A-LISTENIN' TO ME.

- NURSE, YOUR JOB DEPENDS UPON YOUR LISTENING TO ME.

LAVERNE, PLEASE, JUST GO BACK TO WORK,

AND WE'LL PRACTICE LATER. - ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GO CLEAN THE OFFICE.

MEANIE.

- OKAY, ALL RIGHT, WE'RE FINISHED IN HERE.

LAST THING WE NEED IS JUST A URINE SPECIMEN.

LAVERNE WILL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO GO IN.

- HEY, HARRY.

- HI, CHARLEY. HOW DID YOUR DATE GO?

- OH, SHE STOOD ME UP. - AH, TOO BAD.

- STANDING UP, LAYING DOWN-- DOESN'T REALLY MATTER.

DO YOU MIND IF I MAKE MYSELF A LITTLE SANDWICH?

- YES, I DO MIND.

- YOU GOT A GREAT LITTLE SENSE OF HUMOR THERE, DOC.

TURKEY, MAYO, CHEESE, PICKLES, BOLOGNA...

- I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW INSECURE YOU ARE.

- I KNOW WHAT I SAW, PATRICK. - YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SAW.

- WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

- YEAH. I HOPE EVERYTHING'S OKAY.

BUT IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM.

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SO UPSET ABOUT.

- OH, PLEASE. I'VE BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO THIS GALLERY OPENING.

I'M WEARING THE DRESS I WORE ON OUR FOURTH DATE.

- I REMEMBER THAT DATE.

- OH, REALLY? WHERE DID WE GO?

- OUT.

- PATRICK, OUR RELATIONSHIP IS IN CRISIS.

I'VE BEEN STARVED FOR COMMUNICATION WITH YOU,

AND WHAT DO YOU DO?

YOU SPEND THE WHOLE EVENING CHATTING IT UP

WITH THAT RAVEN-HAIRED BEANPOLE.

- THERE IS NO CRISIS. AND SHE WASN'T A BEANPOLE.

- OH, COME ON.

YOU COULD PRACTICALLY HEAR FEE-FI-FO-FUM

UP THERE AROUND HER HEAD.

- CAROL, SHE IS AN ART CRITIC. I'M AN ARTIST

IT WAS WORK.

IF I WERE TOMMY LASORDA,

WOULD YOU BE MAD AT ME FOR TALKING TO OREL HERSHISER?

- YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST LIKE YOU

TO USE AN ANALOGY THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- YOU KNOW, I THINK YOU HAD A LITTLE TOO MUCH

OF THAT JUG WINE AT THE GALLERY.

- ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?

- WHAT? - DON'T DENY IT.

I SEE WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON HERE--

TALL, THIN MODEL, TALL, THIN ART CRITIC,

SHORT, STUMPY GIRLFRIEND.

- THIS IS TOTALLY NUTS.

I'M GONNA GO FINISH MY SCULPTURE.

[door thuds]

- I'M LOSING HIM.

OINK.

- LIVERWURST, GHERKINS,

AND MY TWO LITTLE SARDINE FRIENDS.

- ARE YOU GONNA EAT THAT OR PLAY LADY OF SPAIN?

[telephone ringing]

HELLO?

OH, ARTHUR, HOW ARE--

OH, DID YOU FINISH THOSE TESTS FOR ME?

YEAH, THAT'S HIM.

NO.

ARE--ARE YOU SURE?

ALL RIGHT, ARTHUR. NO, NO, NO.

YES. NO, I KNOW. THANKS A LOT.

BYE.

MY GOD.

- WHAT IS IT, HARRY?

- A PATIENT OF MINE,

A KID I'VE KNOWN FOR A LONG TIME,

TESTED POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS.

- HEY, YOU DOWN THERE.

THAT IS A FIRE LANE YOU JUST PARKED IN.

YEAH, I'M TALKIN' TO YOU, BOY.

I HEARD THAT.

- HEY, HEY, HEY. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

- HEY, PETE. THANKS FOR COMING IN.

- HEY, YOU KIDS DOWN THERE.

YEAH, YOU TWO, IN THE JEEP, THAT IS A HANDICAPPED SPOT.

I SAW THAT.

- SO, UH, WHAT'D YOU WANT TO SEE ME ABOUT?

- AH, PAULEY.

- WHAT ABOUT PAULEY?

- HAVE YOU NOTICED HIM BEHAVING AGGRESSIVELY?

- HE PLAYS FOOTBALL. HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE AGGRESSIVE.

- PAULEY TESTED POSITIVE FOR ANABOLIC STEROIDS.

- PAULEY'S TAKING STEROIDS?

- YEAH.

- HEY, HE KNOWS BETTER. - WELL, APPARENTLY NOT.

- YEAH, WELL, I'M GONNA KICK HIS SORRY BUTT SO HARD,

HE'LL HAVE A THIRD CHEEK.

- THIS IS NOT THE WAY TO HANDLE IT.

- HEY, DON'T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY KID.

- [on television] HELLO, LADIES. I LOVE YOU.

NOW, HOW DO YOU GET A MAN WHO BEGS?

ONE, TWO, ONE, TWO.

LOSE THAT LARD THAT'S ON YOUR LEGS.

ONE, TWO, ONE TWO.

- HOW COULD I HAVE I GAINED TWO POUNDS SINCE THIS MORNING?

[breathing heavily]

OH!

OH, WHAT THE HELL?

WHY DON'T I JUST GO WITH IT AND BECOME JOLLY?

- HEY, CAROL. HOW IS IT GOING?

- I'M MISERABLE, FAT, AND UGLY.

- WELL, MY WORK HERE IS DONE.

[door slams]

- WHAT KIND OF LAB ARE YOU USING?

- SIT DOWN. - NO.

NO, MY DAD SHOWED UP AT SCHOOL AND TOLD ME ABOUT SOME MIX-UP.

- MIX-UP? - YEAH.

HE SAID I TESTED POSITIVE FOR STEROIDS.

- YOU DID. - THAT'S A PILE OF--

- WAIT, WAIT! NOW, I HAD THE LAB RUN IT TWICE.

THEY FOUND TRACES BOTH TIMES.

- THEN GET ANOTHER LAB.

- NOW I KNOW WHY YOU WAITED TILL THE LAST MINUTE

TO TAKE YOUR PHYSICAL.

YOU DIDN'T WAIT LONG ENOUGH. IT'S STILL IN YOUR SYSTEM.

DO YOU KNOW HOW BAD THIS STUFF IS FOR YOUR BODY?

- GET A CLUE, DOC. I DIDN'T TAKE ANY STEROIDS.

- GET A CLUE, SON. YOU'VE BEEN CAUGHT.

- LOOK AT ME.

DO I LOOK UNHEALTHY TO YOU, MAN? WAKE UP!

- BY TAKING ANABOLIC STEROIDS,

YOU'RE RISKING LIVER CANCER, HEART PROBLEMS,

BONE DETERIORATION, STERILITY...

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

KNOCK OFF THE SERMON.

- HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TAKING THEM?

- SIX MONTHS.

- PAULEY, HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?

- LOOK, THIS IS MY YEAR.

I HAVE A GOOD SEASON, I CAN WRITE MY OWN TICKET.

- YOU'RE NOT PLAYING FOOTBALL THIS YEAR.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- I'VE REPORTED THE RESULTS TO YOUR SCHOOL.

- YOU WHAT? - I HAD NO CHOICE.

- BUT THEY'LL KICK ME OFF THE TEAM.

- THEY ALREADY HAVE.

- YOU JERK.

YOU SON OF A BITCH!

YOU RUINED EVERYTHING. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND.

- I AM. - NO, YOU'RE NOT MY FRIEND!

- PAULEY. - YOU'RE JUST SOME TIRED OLD MAN

WHO'S GETTING OFF BY COMING DOWN ON ME!

- PAULEY. - I SHOULD KILL YOU, MAN!

- PAULEY. - WHAT?

- LOOK AT YOURSELF.

PAULEY...

LOOK WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

- DOCTOR, ARE YOU OKAY? - YEAH, I'M FINE.

- WELL, IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BE AT MY DESK.

- THANK YOU.

OH, CAROL, GETTING A LITTLE EXERCISE.

GOOD FOR YOU. - ARE YOU CALLING ME FAT?

- THAT'S STRANGE.

USUALLY HER FAT ATTACK COMES IN THE SPRING.

[doorbell rings]

- HEY, HEY, HEY. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

- PETE, COME ON, COME IN.

- LOOK, I JUST WANTED TO APOLOGIZE

FOR THE OTHER DAY-- THE WAY I ACTED.

- IT'S ALL RIGHT. COME ON, IT WAS TOUGH NEWS.

SIT DOWN.

HOW'S PAULEY? - OH, HE'S MAD AS HELL.

HE'S GONNA HAVE TO SIT OUT THE ENTIRE YEAR.

- I KNOW. I-I HATED REPORTING IT.

- I NEVER THOUGHT PAULEY

WOULD GET MIXED UP IN THIS KIND OF STUFF.

WHY DID HE DO IT?

- MAYBE HE WANTED TO BE A STAR.

- [scoffs] YEAH, LIKE HIS OLD MAN.

- IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. - NO?

SOMETIMES I THINK I WANTED IT MORE THAN HE DID.

MAYBE I PUSHED HIM TOO HARD. I DON'T KNOW.

- YOU KNOW, IT'S DIFFICULT, BUT I LEARNED A LONG TIME AGO...

YOU CAN'T PUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS ON YOUR CHILDREN.

- DADDY, SINCE YOU THINK I'M SO FAT,

I'VE DECIDED TO NEVER EAT AGAIN.

NO!

- WHAT?

- I'M EXHAUSTED. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.

- WHAT?

- EXERCISE, LOSE WEIGHT. THIS IS IT.

THIS IS AS THIN AS I GET.

SO GO. GO.

LEAVE ME FOR SOME WILLOWY BEANPOLE.

- CAROL, CAROL, FOR THE LAST TIME,

THIS WEIGHT THING IS ALL IN YOUR HEAD.

- I CAN'T LOSE WEIGHT IN MY HEAD.

- CAROL, SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.

COME ON, YOU'VE BEEN WANTING TO TALK, SO LET'S TALK.

- OH, GOD.

IS THIS THE "WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS" TALK?

- NO.

WELL, YES. - OH, GOD. OH, GOD.

OKAY, I'LL LOSE WEIGHT IN MY HEAD.

7 TIMES 8 IS 56. 7 TIMES 9--

I DON'T KNOW IT! - CAROL, CAROL, CAROL, CAROL.

YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY WOMAN.

AND I WOULDN'T CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT YOU.

- REALLY?

- I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT SO, AND I'LL ALWAYS THINK SO,

AND I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

- OH, GOD. THANK YOU.

- AND YOU'RE RIGHT. WE HAVEN'T BEEN TALKING.

WE SHOULD.

IT'S JUST THAT SOMETIMES I GET CAUGHT UP IN MY WORK,

AND--AND THAT'S WRONG. I KNOW.

AND I GUESS 'CAUSE YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS

HAVEN'T WORKED OUT, YOU'RE EXPECTING THE WORST,

AND I-I SHOULD BE MORE SENSITIVE TO THAT.

BUT I WANT TO TELL YOU, CAROL, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART...

CAROL?

I LOVE YOU.

COME ON, I'LL PUT YOU IN BED.

SHE FELL ASLEEP. I WAS JUST GONNA PUT HER IN BED.

I WASN'T GONNA TOUCH HER.

- PUT HER DOWN.

YOU, OUT.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, DEAR.

- OF COURSE, I'M AN ARTIST.

I'M SO SURPRISED PATRICK DIDN'T TELL YOU.

HE'S ONE OF MY FINEST STUDENTS.

NOW, IF YOU WOULDN'T MIND, TRACY,

LET'S ADJUST YOUR POSE FOR THE LIGHT JUST A BIT.

YOU KNOW, I'M FROM THE GERMAN EXPRESSIONIST SCHOOL.

WOULD YOU MIND JUMPING UP AND DOWN?

DANKE SCHOEN.

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