Original subtitles

- NOW, CALM DOWN, MRS. PENDERGRAST.

YOUR SISTER'S JUST A-PULLIN' YOUR LEG

ABOUT THAT DR. SPOCK BABY BOOK.

THERE IS NO CHAPTER CALLED "SLAP 'EM TILL THEY'RE SILLY."

YEP. BYE-BYE NOW.

- ALL RIGHT, LAVERNE. COME ON, WHAT'S NEXT?

- LET'S SEE. YOUR FRIEND ARTHUR CALLED.

HE'S ON HIS WAY UP. - AH! GREAT!

- YOU GUYS BEEN FRIENDS FOR NEARLY 20 YEARS.

HOW COME YOU ALWAYS BICKERIN'?

- THAT'S PART OF FRIENDSHIP.

- IS THAT HOW COME YOU AND I ALWAYS BICKER?

- UH...UM...

- HARRY! - ARTHUR, JUST IN TIME.

EXCUSE ME, COME, COME.

SO, HOW ARE YA?

- JUST LOOK AT ME.

- PAIN? YOU'RE IN SOME KIND OF PAIN?

- NO!

NO, I'M HAPPY! I'M INSANELY HAPPY!

- REALLY? REALLY?

DO ME A FAVOR. MAKE A SAD FACE.

- HARRY! -COME ON. FOR ME, FOR ME, FOR ME.

- THIS IS STUPID.

OKAY. SAD FACE.

- UH-HUH...ALL RIGHT, NOW BACK TO HAPPY.

- LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

DO YOU HAVE ANY FACIAL MUSCLES AT ALL?

- HARRY, WILL YOU GET OFF OF THIS?

I CAME IN HERE TO TELL YOU THAT I'VE FALLEN MADLY IN LOVE

AND I'M GONNA GET RE-MARRIED. - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU DIDN'T SAY A WORD ABOUT THIS LAST WEEK AT THE POKER GAME.

- THAT'S BECAUSE I JUST MET KAREN THIS WEEK.

- AH!

- "AH" WHAT?

- ARTHUR, JUST ONE WEEK? THAT'S...

THAT'S KIND OF FAST TO BE TALKIN' MARRIAGE.

- I KNEW YOU WERE GONNA SAY THAT.

- ALL RIGHT. LET ME ASK YOU THIS.

IS SHE YOUNGER?

- YES.

- AH!

- WILL YOU STOP SAYING "AH"?

I DIDN'T COME HERE TO EXAMINE YOUR THROAT.

- NO, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT. IT'S A YOUNGER WOMAN.

- YES. EIGHT YEARS YOUNGER. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

WHEN I'M 94, SHE'LL BE A FRISKY 86

LOOKIN' TO GET RID OF THE OLD MAN.

WHAT KIND OF A REACTION IS THIS?

- I--IT'S KIND OF--KIND OF A KNEE-JERK THING--I--

CONGRATULATIONS.

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

- CAN'T YOU TELL? LOOK AT ME.

- WHAT?

- I'M SMILING!

- LIFE GOES ON AND SO DO WE

JUST HOW WE DO IT IS NO MYSTERY

ONE BY ONE WE FILL THE DAYS

WE FIND A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS

SOMETIMES THE ANSWER CAN BE HARD TO FIND

THAT'S SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE

I'M ALWAYS HERE

FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED

RAIN OR SHINE

I'LL BE THE ONE

TO SHARE IT ALL AS LIFE GOES ON

WE SHARE IT ALL AS LIFE GOES ON

- OOH! THIS SOUNDS GOOD!

- WHAT? THEY MADE BITCHING AND WHINING AN OLYMPIC EVENT?

- WHAT IS IT, BARBARA,

THAT MAKES YOU ARBITRARILY PROVOKE CONFLICT

BECAUSE SOMETHING SOUNDS GOOD TO ME?

WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE SUPPORTIVE?

- I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT THAT I'M JEALOUS OF YOU.

THERE'S ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT YOU I ENVY.

- THANK YOU, BARBARA.

DO YOU WANNA HEAR WHAT MADE ME FEEL GOOD OR NOT?

- GO AHEAD.

- THE CINEMA VERITE THEATER

IS PRESENTING A TWO DAY FESTIVAL

OF SATYAJIT RAY FILMS IN THE ORIGINAL BENGALI

WITH FRENCH SUBTITLES.

- SOMETHING IN THAT SENTENCE MADE YOU FEEL GOOD?

- THERE IT IS AGAIN! NO SUPPORT.

DADDY, BARBARA'S NOT SUPPORTING ME.

- I KNOW, DEAR. I BELIEVE I AM.

- I MEAN THAT ANYTHING I SEE VALUE IN, SHE KNOCKS.

- BARBARA, PERHAPS YOU COULD FIND IT WITHIN YOURSELF

TO VALIDATE YOUR SISTER'S POINT OF VIEW ONCE IN A WHILE.

- I DON'T THINK SO, DADDY.

- BARBARA! - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

I'LL TRY TO BE MORE SUPPORTIVE.

STARTING TOMORROW!

- DADDY, I DIDN'T WANNA TELL BARBARA

FOR FEAR OF GETTING SHOT DOWN AGAIN.

BUT TOMORROW A WHOLE BUNCH OF US ARE DEMONSTRATING

AGAINST THE COMPANY THAT MAKES THAT AWFUL PLASTIC BUBBLE WRAP.

IT'S NOT BIODEGRADABLE.

IT'S TERRIBLE FOR THE ENVIRONMENT.

- YES, IT IS.

BUT I KIND OF LIKE POPPIN' THOSE THINGS.

- DADDY! WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING.

NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY MOTTO?

MAKE LOVE, NOT PLASTIC.

- SORT OF A SIXTIES THROWBACK.

- BUT CATCHY! - YES, DEAR.

- YOU'RE NOT JUST PLACATING ME. - NO, DEAR.

- GOOD. - YES, DEAR.

- YOU STILL LISTENING, DADDY? - NO, DEAR!

- OH, DADDY, WOULD YOU RELAX?

PACING ISN'T GONNA GET THEM HERE ANY EARLIER.

- ARTHUR'S NEVER LATE. I BET IT'S THIS FIANCEE OF HIS.

IT'S HER FAULT. IT'S KAREN.

KAREN'S ONE OF THOSE... THOSE...LATE WOMEN.

- OH, MY GOD NOT A LATE WOMAN!

DADDY, YOU'RE TRYING NOT TO LIKE HER BECAUSE YOU THINK ARTHUR

SHOULDN'T MARRY SOMEONE HE JUST MET.

- IS THAT WHAT I'M DOING? - YES.

- OH, MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.

MAYBE I SHOULD TRY TO BE MORE POSITIVE.

STARTING TOMORROW.

- GIVE ME THAT! - GO.

- DADDY...

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS KAREN.

I'LL BET SHE'S A FORTUNE-HUNTER.

- CAROL, WHEN WE TALKED THIS MORNING

YOU SAW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG IN IT.

- I KNOW, BUT WHEN I WATCH YOU WORRY,

I GET ENVIOUS AND I WANNA WORRY WITH YOU.

- THAT'S VERY COMFORTING, DEAR.

- WELL, SAY HELLO TO ARTHUR FOR ME.

I'LL BE IN THE GARAGE WITH PATRICK.

WE'RE HAVING A PARTY OF TWO

TO CELEBRATE HIS FIRST MONTH HERE.

- LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE A GOING-AWAY PARTY.

[doorbell ringing]

HUP! - HARRY, I'M KAREN,

I'VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.

- AND I'VE HEARD...ABOUT YOU. COME IN.

- WELL, HARRY, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HER?

- OH, IT'S A GREAT FIRST SENTENCE.

- OH, I BET YOU'RE DREYFUSS! - SHE'S CRAZY ABOUT DOGS.

WE'RE GONNA GET ONE.

- BUT YOU HATE DOGS.

- PEOPLE GROW, HARRY, I MEAN...

ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT.

I DON'T LIKE THOSE--THOSE LITTLE NERVOUS

HIGH-STRUNG ONES WITH THE PAINTED TOENAILS.

AND, UH, I DON'T LIKE BIG SLOBBERY DOGS WITH LOTS OF FUR.

HAIRLESS DOGS AND DOGS THAT JUMP ON YOU,

BARKING DOGS... I DON'T LIKE THOSE.

- WHAT'S LEFT?

- STUFFED DOGS. FROM A TOY STORE.

- WELL, I'M LEARNING TO COMPROMISE.

- ARTHUR, YOU SAID WE WERE GETTING A REAL DOG.

- OH, OF COURSE WE ARE!

I'M ALSO LEARNING TO COMPLETELY CAVE IN.

- WELL, SO...PLEASE, SIT. - SIT.

- SO...

HOW DID YOU TWO MEET?

- AT ARTHUR'S LAB.

SOMEONE WAS TAKING MY BLOOD

WHILE ARTHUR WAS STEALING MY HEART.

- 120 CHOLESTEROL.

HOW COULD I NOT FALL IN LOVE?

- BEATS ME.

SO, KAREN, WHAT KIND OF WORK DO YOU DO?

- I'M A FORTUNE-HUNTER.

- AH!

- SHE'S IN THE SALVAGE BUSINESS.

- OH...

- SHE PULLED UP OVER A HALF A MILLION BUCKS

OUT OF THE OCEAN LAST YEAR.

I CAN'T EVEN CATCH A MACKEREL.

- HARRY, WHERE'S YOUR POWDER ROOM?

- OH, IT'S UP THE HALL THERE, THE SECOND DOOR ON THE RIGHT.

- BE RIGHT BACK. - OKAY.

- SO? WHAT DO YOU THINK OF HER?

- SHE SEEMS VERY NICE. - VERY NICE?

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY WHEN YOU GET SOCKS FOR CHRISTMAS.

- ARTHUR, I JUST TALKED TO HER FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES.

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY? - I WANNA KNOW

IF MY BEST FRIEND APPROVES OF MY FIANCEE.

- IF YOU'RE HAPPY, I'M HAPPY.

- OH, STOP GUSHING.

- NO, REALLY! I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU.

- OKAY, THEN YOU'LL BE MY BEST MAN WHEN WE GET MARRIED?

- OF COURSE!

- AND BEFORE THE CEREMONY,

MAYBE YOU CAN SAY A LITTLE SPEECH, YOU KNOW,

WISHING US ALL GOOD THINGS IN LIFE, BLAH BLAH BLAH.

- WELL, I CAN BLAH BLAH BLAH WITH THE BEST OF THEM.

- TRUE, TRUE. NOW...

I GOT ONE FAVOR TO ASK.

CAN WE HAVE THE WEDDING HERE? MY PLACE IS KIND OF SMALL.

- THAT'S NO PROBLEM, ARTHUR!

SO HOW LONG DO YOU FIGURE BEFORE THE BIG DAY?

WHAT? SIX MONTHS? A YEAR?

- CLOSE...

THREE DAYS.

AREN'T YOU GONNA SAY ANYTHING?

- BLAH BLAH BLAH?

- PEOPLE...PEOPLE!

LET'S MAKE SOME NOISE!

NOW, I KNOW THIS IS A SMALLER TURNOUT THAN I PROMISED.

AND THE PRESS ISN'T HERE, LIKE I PROMISED.

YOU MAY BE EVEN FEELING MILDLY DISGRUNTLED

BECAUSE THE COMPANY ITSELF IS CLOSED TODAY.

BUT I WILL NOT GIVE IN!

NOW LET'S HEAR THAT MOVING SLOGAN I WROTE FOR US.

- NO MORE PLASTIC... NO MORE PLASTIC...

- I THINK I'M GOING TO CRY.

- I GOT IN TOUCH WITH A TV STATION.

- WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG, DIANA?

- I WAS TRYING TO FIND A PAYPHONE

THAT WASN'T MADE OUT OF PLASTIC.

- DID YOU TELL THEM THAT THERE WAS A RIOT BREAKING OUT?

- YES! I CONVINCED THEM TO CALL THE COPS.

- GOOD THIS IS JUST WHAT WE NEED!

WE HAVE TO GET ARRESTED!

THAT'S THE ONLY WAY THE PEOPLE WILL KNOW ABOUT OUR CAUSE!

WE CANNOT REST

AS LONG AS THERE IS ONE PLASTIC BUBBLE!

PROTECTING A CHINTZY GIFT

SENT TO YOU BY SOME GUY WHO'S TRYING TO BUY YOU OFF

BECAUSE HE DUMPED YOU.

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, MISTER!

IT'S TOO LITTLE TOO LATE!

WHERE WAS I?

OH, RIGHT! BUBBLE WRAP.

I WILL NOT REST UNTIL IT'S GONE!

NO MORE PLASTIC! NO MORE PLASTIC! NO MORE...

[siren sounding] HERE COME THE COPS!

LET'S GET ARRESTED!

- NO MORE PLASTIC... - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT!

BREAK IT UP, EVERYBODY!

CAROL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- DIRTY COPPER, GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF ME!

- I'M NOT TOUCHING YOU!

- POLICE BRUTALITY! POLICE BRUTALITY!

- GOD, THIS IS A WIMPY DEMONSTRATION!

WHERE'S THE RIOT? - IT'S COMING.

YOU'D BETTER ARREST ME BEFORE THESE PEOPLE GO BERSERK!

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? ARREST YOU?

CAROL, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SUPPORTIVE SISTER?

- WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY?

YOU'RE GOING TO CLAMP ME IN IRONS?

- ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. THEY'RE HARMLESS.

EXCEPT FOR THE ONE WHO'S JUST ANNOYING.

- WHAT'S THAT? NO! YOU'LL NEVER BREAK US!

WE'RE ALL IN THIS TILL THE BITTER END!

WHERE'D EVERYONE GO?

HEY! COME BACK HERE!

PLASTIC LOVERS!

- HI, DADDY. - HI.

- BOY, YOU'D BE PROUD OF ME TODAY!

- WHY, DEAR?

- BECAUSE I DIDN'T ARREST CAROL.

- THIS COULD BE THE PROUDEST DAY OF MY LIFE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- WELL, SHE WAS AT A DEMONSTRATION.

- I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

- WHAT?

- I PROMISED MY FELLOW DEMONSTRATORS

ARRESTS AND PUBLICITY.

AND WHAT DO YOU DO? NOTHING!

- HEY, I WAS JUST TRYING TO HELP YOU OUT.

IF YOU WANNA GET ARRESTED, COME ON, WE'LL DO IT RIGHT NOW.

- TOO DAMN LATE!

- I COULD HANDCUFF YOU TO THE BED.

- I'VE GOT PATRICK FOR THAT.

[doorbell ringing]

- HI, ARTHUR. THANKS FOR COMING OVER.

- HEY, NO PROBLEM, NO PROBLEM.

SO? WHAT'S UP? WHY DID YOU CALL ME?

- ARTHUR...

THIS IS-- IT'S HARD FOR ME TO SAY.

- COME ON, HARRY, WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR OVER 20 YEARS,

WE'VE NEVER BEEN ANYTHING BUT TOTALLY HONEST.

WELL... EXCEPT FOR THAT ONE TIME.

- WHAT TIME? - I CAN'T TELL YOU.

YOU'D HATE ME. UH...

HAS THIS GOT ANYTHING TO DO WITH MY GETTING MARRIED?

- WELL... - WHAT?

- UM...

OKAY, ALL RIGHT. I'VE GOTTA BE HONEST WITH YOU.

I THINK IT'S ALL HAPPENING TOO FAST!

- SO, WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

THAT YOU THINK WE SHOULD POSTPONE THE WEDDING?

I MEAN...COME ON, I WANT THE TRUTH.

I REALLY WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

- I THINK YOU SHOULD POSTPONE THE WEDDING.

- WHO CARES WHAT YOU THINK?

I'M NOT GONNA DESTROY KAREN'S FEELINGS

AND EMBARRASS MYSELF

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SURE THIS IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

- I'M SORRY! YOU SAID YOU WANTED THE TRUTH!

- YEAH, BUT WHO WANTS THE TRUTH WHEN IT'S A DOWNER?

LOOK, AND I'M GONNA FORGET ABOUT YOU OFFERING ME YOUR HOUSE.

- ACTUALLY, YOU OFFERED YOU MY HOUSE.

- WELL, I'M TAKING MY OFFER OF YOUR OFFER BACK.

- I ACCEPT THAT OFFER!

- FINE! - FINE!

WAIT A MINUTE, DOES THAT MEAN HE'S USING THE HOUSE OR NOT?

- I'M NOT!

- LAVERNE, DID ANYONE CALL?

- NOT ARTHUR, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.

- GIVE ME ONE REASON WHY I SHOULD CARE IF ARTHUR CALLED.

- 'CAUSE YOU'VE BEEN CALLIN' HIM FOR THE LAST TWO DAYS?

- THAT'S ONE REASON.

HOW DO YOU KNOW I'VE BEEN CALLING HIM?

- HOSPITAL GRAPEVINE. - HOSPITAL GRAPEVINE?

HE'S NOT A DOCTOR.

WHAT IS THE GRAPEVINE DOING IN ARTHUR'S LAB?

- OUR TENTACLES ARE EVERYWHERE. BIG BERTHA IS A-WATCHIN' YOU.

- THAT'S--THAT'S "BIG BROTHER."

- IF YOU SAY SO.

[phone ringing]

DOCTOR'S OFFICE.

OH, HI, BERTHA.

UH-HUH...I PROMISE.

THANK YOU.

OKAY, ARTHUR IS ON HIS WAY UP.

I'D TELL YOU WHAT HE'S GONNA SAY,

BUT BERTHA TOLD ME TO PLAY IT CLOSE TO MY VEST.

OH, I'D TELL HIM EVERYTHING BUT THE LAST PART, ARTHUR.

- BIG BERTHA'S GONNA FRY ONE DAY.

HARRY... [clears throat]

I THINK WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT A FEW THINGS.

- I'D LIKE NOTHING MORE.

- ME TOO. - ALL RIGHT.

- YOU GOT IT. - GOOD.

- FINE.

[sighing]

- WELL, WE CLEARED THAT UP. WHAT'S NEXT?

- LOOK, I NEVER TOLD KAREN ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

I DIDN'T WANT HER TO KNOW HOW YOU FELT.

AND UH...SO NOW... EVERYBODY STILL THINKS

THAT THE WEDDING'S GONNA BE AT YOUR PLACE.

AND ALL THE INVITATIONS ARE IN THE MAIL.

I'M KIND OF STUCK. - THERE'S NO PROBLEM, ARTHUR.

EVEN IF WE WEREN'T ON SPEAKING TERMS, MY HOUSE IS YOUR HOUSE.

- OH, THANKS, HARRY. THAT WAS EASIER THAN I THOUGHT.

SEE YOU TOMORROW NIGHT. - NO, WAIT A--

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! WAIT A MINUTE HERE!

WE HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT US.

ABOUT OUR FRIENDSHIP. - OH, THAT!

OUR FRIENDSHIP'S OVER, HARRY.

- THAT'S WHAT YOU ALWAYS SAY. - NO, THIS TIME I MEAN IT.

- YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT, TOO.

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

CALL BIG BERTHA AND SEE IF HE REALLY MEANS IT THIS TIME.

- SO YOU SEE, PATRICK,

IF YOU WANNA FIND THE BEAUTY OF THE NUDE WOMAN IN YOUR WORK,

YOU MUST LOOK WITHIN THE WOMAN HERSELF FIRST.

OR FEEL AROUND A LOT ON THE OUTSIDE.

- WHY DO YOU LISTEN TO A SEX-CRAZED, MINDLESS IDIOT?

- I DON'T KNOW. I JUST LIKE HIM.

- HONEY, HE HAPPENS TO BE A CLIENT.

HE GAVE ME 100 BUCKS

FOR THAT PIECE I WAS WORKING ON LAST WEEK.

- YOU MEAN "DEATH OF A CITY"? - SHH!

I TOLD HIM IT WAS CALLED "WOMAN CONTEMPLATING HER HOOTERS."

- HEY, WHAT'S THIS I HEAR

ABOUT YOU COMING OUT AGAINST BUBBLE WRAP?

IT'S A NECESSITY OF LIFE.

PERSONALLY, I LIKE TO WRAP WOMEN IN IT

AND POP MY WAY TO THE CENTER.

- I THOUGHT ALL YOUR DATES CAME IN A PLAIN BROWN WRAPPER.

- SSH! I HAVEN'T CASHED HIS CHECK YET.

- YOU TOOK A CHECK? - BYE!

- HONEY, I THOUGHT YOU HAD A DEMONSTRATION

AT THAT PLASTICS COMPANY TODAY. - I'M ON MY WAY.

AND THIS TIME, COME HELL OR HIGH WATER,

I WILL GET ARRESTED FOR THE CAUSE!

- ARRESTED? CAROL, THAT IS CRAZY!

JAIL IS A DISGUSTING PLACE.

- YOU'VE BEEN IN JAIL?

- YEAH. I FORGOT TO PAY A PARKING TICKET.

- THEY PUT YOU IN JAIL FOR THAT?

- WELL, 200 PARKING TICKETS.

I DID A NIGHT IN THE TANK.

- OOH..."THE TANK." I LIKE IT.

IT SOUNDS DEHUMANIZING, YET SOMEHOW ROMANTIC.

- YEAH WELL, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT JAIL IS ALL ABOUT.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE 20 STRANGE WOMEN IN COMBAT BOOTS

PLAYING "KEEP AWAY" WITH YOUR TOILET PAPER.

- I CAN HANDLE THAT. I'VE BEEN TO CAMP.

- CAROL, I'M SERIOUS!

- OH, PLEASE, PATRICK! I KNOW ALL ABOUT JAIL.

I AM WILLING TO FACE THE RATS, THE ROACHES,

THE VIOLENCE, THE DANGERS,

FOR THE SAKE OF AN ENVIRONMENTALLY SOUND WORLD.

- CAROL, THE TOILETS HAVE NO STALLS.

- NO STALLS?

- BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? THERE ARE NO STALLS!

WE'RE CALLING THE WHOLE THING OFF.

- WHAT ABOUT THE CAUSE?

I MEAN, WE CAN'T JUST ABANDON OUR BELIEFS.

- YES, WE CAN.

- CAROL!

- YOU'RE RIGHT.

I GUESS WE SHOULD STAY. BUT NO GETTING ARRESTED.

LET'S MAKE THIS AN EXTREMELY PEACEFUL DEMONSTRATION.

YOO-HOO! HAVE A NICE DAY MAKING PLASTIC.

YOU'RE THINKING "TOO PEACEFUL"?

- NO, I'M THINKING ABOUT THE ARREST THING.

CAROL, I MADE THE RIOT CALL BEFORE YOU CAME.

THE COPS ARE ON THEIR WAY.

[siren sounding] - OH, GOD! HIDE!

- ALL RIGHT! SOMEBODY'S GOING TO JAIL!

- OH! [laughing]

HI, BARBY-BARB. I WAS JUST LEAVING.

- HA HA! TOO LATE FOR THAT.

NOW WHICH ONE OF YOU AM I TAKING AWAY?

- HER! IT WAS ALL HER IDEA!

- CAROL!

- CAROL! IS THAT YOUR NAME?

ASSUME THE POSITION. - NO, BARBARA.

PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME.

- GOOD ACTING. KEEP IT UP.

YEAH, WE HAD AN EYE ON YOU

AND YOUR ANTI-PLASTIC CELL FOR SOME TIME NOW.

YOU'RE GONNA DO A NICE STRETCH IN COUNTY.

- NO, BARBARA, I REALLY MEAN IT.

DON'T DO THIS!

- VERY BELIEVABLE. CUFF HER!

- YOU'RE A REAL HERO, CAROL! - SHUT UP, YOU!

BARBARA, GET THESE THINGS OFF OF ME!

- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT,

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO AN ATTORNEY.

IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD AN ATTORNEY,

YOU CAN BORROW THE MONEY FROM DADDY.

- BARBARA!

THERE ARE NO STALLS.

- CHARLEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

- MOOCHING.

ARTHUR SEEMS KIND OF UPTIGHT.

- YEAH, WELL, WE HAD AN ARGUMENT.

I TOLD HIM I HAD SOME RESERVATIONS ABOUT ALL THIS.

- HARRY, HARRY, HARRY.

WHEN ARE YOU GONNA LEARN?

- LEARN WHAT? - TO LIE?

IT'S THE KEY TO KEEPING RELATIONSHIPS HONEST.

OOPS, HERE HE COMES.

YOU MAKE UP.

I'M GONNA GO OVER AND HIT ON THE BRIDE.

- HARRY. - ARTHUR.

DO WE REALLY HAVE TO STAY ANGRY WITH EACH OTHER?

- YES. - JUST CHECKING.

- THE JUDGE IS HERE.

NOW LOOK, DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO GET KAREN UPSET

AND PLEASE KEEP YOUR STUPID SPEECH SHORT.

- SINCE I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING GOOD TO SAY,

THAT'LL BE EASY. - FINE, FINE.

BY THE WAY, I HATE ALL YOUR FURNITURE.

- YEAH, WELL, I DON'T LIKE YOUR...

PANTS!

- HARRY, ARTHUR'S REALLY UPSET AND I THINK I KNOW WHY.

YOU DON'T APPROVE OF THIS MARRIAGE, DO YOU?

- OF COURSE I DO. - YOU'RE NOT A VERY GOOD LIAR.

- WELL, I'M SORRY. I'M NEW AT IT.

- I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE'RE VERY DEEPLY IN LOVE.

I WISH YOU SAW THAT.

I THINK ARTHUR'S HURTING, AND THAT MAKES ME HURT TOO,

SO I WISH YOU COULD-- - KAREN, WE'RE STARTING.

- OH, EXCUSE ME. I HAVE TO GET MARRIED.

- JUDGE ECKERT, THIS IS DR. HARRY WESTON.

HARRY'S GOT A FEW WORDS TO SAY BEFORE YOU START THE CEREMONY.

- FINE, FINE.

QUIET DOWN, EVERYBODY!

BEFORE I JOIN ARTHUR AND KAREN HERE IN WEDLOCK,

HARRY WESTON WOULD LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS.

KEEP IT SHORT.

I GOT A JURY DUE BACK ANY MINUTE.

- WELL, I SIMPLY WOULD LIKE TO SAY

I WISH THESE TWO THE BEST.

- GOOD FOR YOU. ALL RIGHT,

WE'RE HERE TODAY TO JOIN ARTHUR MITCHELL

AND KAREN STERLING IN HOLY MATRIMONY.

ARTHUR, DO YOU TAKE KAREN TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE

TO CHERISH AND LOVE AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE?

- I KNOW I'M JUST SUPPOSED TO SAY TWO WORDS HERE, BUT...

I'D LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING MORE.

DESPITE WHAT SOME PEOPLE MIGHT THINK,

KAREN HAS CHANGED MY LIFE IN A VERY SHORT PERIOD OF TIME.

AND I KNOW THAT IT'S ONLY GONNA GET BETTER AND BETTER

OVER THE YEARS, BECAUSE I LOVE HER VERY DEEPLY.

- AND...

- OH! YEAH, I DO.

- FINALLY.

KAREN, DO YOU TAKE ARTHUR TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND

TO CHERISH AND LOVE AS LONG AS YOU BOTH SHALL LIVE?

THE SHORT ANSWER, PLEASE. - I DO.

- ANYBODY HERE THINKS THIS WEDDING SHOULD NOT GO FORWARD?

- I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY. - I'M GONNA KILL YOU.

- ALL RIGHT, NO, NO... LISTEN. NOW, ALL ALONG,

I'VE BEEN LOOKING TO FIND SOMETHING WRONG WITH THIS.

AND I'M STANDING HERE LOOKING AT TWO, PEOPLE WHO SEEM TO...

TRULY LOVE EACH OTHER, AND I'M...

BEGINNING TO FEEL FOOLISH AND WRONG.

- YOU SHOULD! - CAN WE MOVE THIS ALONG?

- I DON'T KNOW, I COULDN'T ACCEPT THAT MOMENT OF TRANSITION

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? AND I DID, I MEAN I DOUBTED...

- HARRY, THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU!

- BY THE POWERS VESTED IN ME... - JUST ONE MORE THING.

- OH, GOD.

- ARTHUR, I LOVE YOU. AND, KAREN...

I LOVE YOU BECAUSE YOU LOVE MY GOOD FRIEND

AND I WISH YOU BOTH A LONG AND FRUITFUL MARRIAGE.

- YOU REALLY MEAN THAT?

- I DO.

- I THINK YOU JUST MARRIED YOUR FRIEND.

- ARTHUR...KAREN... I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO MAKE ANY TROUBLE.

- I KNOW! - BY THE POWERS VESTED IN ME...

BY THE STATE OF FLORIDA, I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE.

THAT'S IT. WE'RE DONE. KISS THE BRIDE.

[clapping]

- OUTTA MY WAY!

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - BATHROOM.

- HERE ARTHUR.

A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR YOUR HONEYMOON.

- I DON'T GET IT.

- IT'S BUBBLE WRAP.

- I STILL DON'T GET IT.

- HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.

KAREN...

TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHES, LIE DOWN, GRAB ONE END

AND ROLL LIKE CRAZY.

- GO AHEAD, HONEY. I'LL BE BACK IN A MINUTE.

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