Original subtitles

- AAH!

YOU BLINKED FIRST. I WIN.

OKAY, HOW ABOUT A GAME OF ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS?

- LAVERNE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- TRYIN' TO ENTERTAIN YOUR DOG.

WHAT'S HE DOIN' HERE, ANYWAY?

- WELL, I'VE GOT A PATIENT WHO'S AFRAID OF DOGS,

SO I'M GONNA INTRODUCE HIM TO A FRIENDLY ONE.

EVERYBODY LOVES MY DREYF.

- HI, DR. WESTON. - THERE WE GO.

- BYE, DR. WESTON.

- OH, NO. PHILIP, WAIT, WAIT.

YOU, PUT DREYF IN MY OFFICE, WILL YOU?

PHILIP? PHILIP, COME--WAIT.

- OKAY, BOY, GET IN THERE.

YOU'RE ABOUT AS STUBBORN AS YOUR MASTER.

LIKE THEY SAY, THE MILK-BONE DON'T FALL FAR FROM THE BOX.

- COME ON, PHILIP. COAST IS CLEAR.

COME ON, PHILIP.

YOU KNOW, I THINK WE CAN HELP YOU GET OVER THIS FEAR OF DOGS.

- YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE ME

STICK MY HEAD IN ITS MOUTH, ARE YOU?

- NO, OF COURSE NOT.

I JUST WANT YOU TO MEET DREYFUSS.

COME ON. - I-I DON'T KNOW.

- PHILIP, YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S TIME

YOU DEAL WITH THIS PROBLEM.

YOUR DAD TOLD ME YOU QUIT WALKING TO SCHOOL

BECAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF THAT DOG DOWN THE BLOCK.

- FLUFFY. [shudders]

A TOY POODLE-- HE'S A MENACE.

THE CHAUFFEUR DRIVES ME TO SCHOOL NOW.

- MOST DOGS ARE REALLY VERY NICE.

I JUST--PLEASE, JUST COME SAY HELLO TO DREYF,

AND YOU CAN SEE FOR YOURSELF.

- OKAY. YOU'RE INSURED, RIGHT?

- [chuckles]

- HEY, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THE DOG.

I'M THE ONE WHO BITES.

- HERE WE GO.

HEY, LOOK, DREYF, WE HAVE COMPANY.

- OH, MY GOD. HE'S SHOWING HIS TEETH.

- NO, NO, NO. NO, PHILIP, STOP.

HE'S YAWNING.

OH, LOOK AT THAT.

MY SWEET BOY-- LOOK AT HIM.

NOW, COME ON DOWN HERE.

YOU HOLD OUT YOUR HAND. LET HIM SNIFF IT.

THAT WAY, HE KNOWS YOU'RE FRIENDLY.

OKAY.

- HE'S TASTING ME.

- NO, HE'S KISSING YOU.

- HE'S KISSING ME.

- NO, YES. NO, THAT MEANS HE LIKES YOU.

- IT DOES? - YEAH.

- DOES HE KNOW HOW TO SHAKE?

- ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

DREYF, COME ON, SHAKE, SHAKE.

YEAH. SEE?

GOOD BOY.

NOW, THAT MEANS HE'S YOUR FRIEND.

THAT MEANS HE'S YOUR FRIEND.

AND THAT MEANS HE WANTS YOU TO PET HIM.

YEAH. YEAH, SWEET BOY.

- [barking] - WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

- THAT MEANS HE'S REALLY GOT TO GO.

COME ON, DREYF, LET'S-- HOLD THE ELEVATOR!

- LIFE GOES ON

AND SO DO WE

JUST HOW WE DO IT IS NO MYSTERY

ONE BY ONE

WE FILL THE DAYS

WE FIND A THOUSAND DIFFERENT WAYS

SOMETIMES THE ANSWER CAN BE HARD TO FIND

THAT'S SOMETHING I WILL NEVER BE

I'M ALWAYS HERE

FOR ANYTHING YOU NEED

RAIN OR SHINE

I'LL BE THE ONE

TO SHARE IT ALL AS LIFE GOES ON

WE SHARE IT ALL

AS LIFE GOES ON

- [laughing] OF COURSE I MISS YOU, PATRICK.

IT'S TWO MORE INTERMINABLE DAYS

UNTIL WE KISS AGAIN, UNTIL WE TOUCH AGAIN,

UNTIL WE FEEL EACH-- - YOUR FATHER'S IN THE ROOM.

- BETTER RUN, MY DARLING.

ALL WE'RE DOING IS FRUSTRATING EACH OTHER.

- AND MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE TO KEEP BREAKFAST DOWN.

- AU REVOIR, MON AMOUR.

WHAT DOES A PERSON HAVE TO DO

TO GET A LITTLE PRIVACY AROUND HERE?

- MOVE? I DON'T--

- HAIL, PEOPLE OF WESTON HOUSE.

I BRING YOU GREETINGS FROM CURACAO,

AND MY LAUNDRY FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS.

- LEAVE IT, AND I BURN IT.

- OH, CAROL.

HOW I'VE MISSED OUR DAILY PLEASANTRIES.

- SLIME. - HAG.

GOD, IT'S GOOD TO BE HOME.

- SO, CHARLEY, HOW WAS THE CRUISE?

- OH, SAME OLD, SAME OLD.

A LITTLE SAND, LITTLE SUN, LITTLE DEATH THREAT.

YOU GUYS KNOW WE'RE OUT OF HEADCHEESE?

BETTER ADD THAT TO MY LIST.

- CHARLEY, SOMEONE THREATENED YOUR LIFE?

- YEAH, THIS PASSENGER BABE I HAD A FLING WITH ON THE SHIP.

LOOK WHAT SHE DID TO MY UNDERWEAR.

- OH, MY GOD. SHE CUT OUT THE CROTCH.

- NO, I DID THAT.

BUT LOOK WHAT SHE WROTE ON THE BACK.

"I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE. YOU WILL DIE."

- GOD, THAT'S TERRIBLE.

WAIT A MINUTE. THAT'S MY UNDERWEAR.

- I GOT A MANIAC ON MY HANDS,

AND ALL YOU THINK ABOUT IS YOU, YOU, YOU.

HERE. - OH, GOD.

- YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A MANIAC

TO WRITE YOU A DEATH THREAT, CHARLEY.

- NOW, WAIT A SECOND, CAROL. THIS COULD BE SERIOUS.

CHARLEY, TELL ME MORE ABOUT THIS WOMAN.

- WELL, FIRST OF ALL, SHE WAS DOUBLE-JOINTED...

EVERYWHERE.

- THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN, CHARLEY.

- WELL, HER NAME WAS JANE,

AND YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HER EYES LIGHT UP

WHEN I ASKED HER TO MARRY ME.

- YOU PROPOSED TO HER?

- YEAH.

YOU MAKE IT SOUND LIKE I WAS LEADING HER ON.

I DUMPED HER FIRST THING NEXT MORNING.

- YOU'RE DEAD.

[laughing evilly] OH, ARE YOU DEAD.

- SO, BARBARA, MAYBE IT'S TIME WE CALLED YOUR COP BUDDIES

AND HAD OLD JANE HAULED OFF TO THE LOONY BIN.

- CHARLEY, IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

THE POLICE CAN'T DO ANYTHING

UNLESS SHE DOES SOMETHING TO YOU.

- YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?

I MEAN, WHAT DO I PAY TAXES FOR?

THAT IS, IF I PAID TAXES.

- LOOK, IF IT'LL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER,

I'LL DROP BY TONIGHT AFTER WORK AND CHECK ON YOU, OKAY?

- THANKS, BARBARA.

- CHARLEY, HOW CAN YOU KEEP TREATING WOMEN LIKE THIS?

I MEAN, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF A WOMAN TREATED YOU

THE WAY YOU TREATED THIS WOMAN?

- WELL, LET'S SEE.

GET ME DRUNK, PROPOSE TO ME JUST TO GET ME INTO BED,

COVER ME WITH SALSA,

PUT A TEQUILA WORM IN MY BELLY BUTTON...

HARRY, I'M THE WOMAN OF MY DREAMS.

- WELL, YOUR BATHROOM WINDOW WAS UNLOCKED.

- OH, WELL, THANKS FOR CHECKING OUT THE PLACE.

- NO PROBLEM. OKAY, CHARLEY, I'M GONNA GO.

- YOU'RE LEAVING? UH, CAN'T YOU STAY FOR A BEER?

IT'LL JUST TAKE ME A SEC TO RUN TO YOUR HOUSE AND GET ONE.

- CHARLEY, I JUST FINISHED A DOUBLE SHIFT--I'M EXHAUSTED.

- I UNDERSTAND.

YOU GET YOUR REST.

NO REASON TWO OF US HAVE TO WAIT FOR HER TO COME AND KILL ME.

[phone ringing]

- AREN'T YOU GONNA GET THAT?

[phone ringing] - UH...

PROBABLY JUST ANOTHER HANG-UP-- I'VE BEEN GETTING THEM ALL DAY.

HELLO?

YES, THIS IS CHARLES DIETZ.

WHAT?

WHO IS THIS?

WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD SAY SOMETHING

SO SICK AND DISGUSTING

WITHOUT ASKING FOR MY CREDIT CARD FIRST?

- YOU WHAT? YOU'RE GONNA DO WHAT?

CAROL, GET OFF THE PHONE.

- YOU PROBABLY THINK I'M A REAL WIMP

FOR LETTING CAROL FRIGHTEN ME.

- NOT REALLY.

CAROL FRIGHTENS A LOT OF GUYS.

LOOK, CHARLEY, I KNOW YOU'RE SCARED,

BUT YOU CAN'T PANIC.

WE HAVE TO BE ADULTS HERE.

COOL! YOU'VE GOT TURBO HOT RODS?

- YEAH. I PICKED IT UP A COUPLE YEARS AGO

WHEN I GAVE UP SMOKING. - GOOD IDEA.

- WELL, I NEEDED SOMETHING TO DO AFTER SEX.

- YOU KNOW, CHARLEY, YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE IN THIS JAM

IF YOU WERE A LITTLE MORE CAREFUL ABOUT WHO YOU DATED.

- IF I WAS MORE CAREFUL ABOUT WHO I DATED,

I WOULDN'T DATE.

YOU'RE GOOD!

MOST WOMEN CAN'T GET IT AROUND THE TRACK ONCE

WITHOUT THEIR CARS FLYING OFF.

- OOH-HOO-HOO! - OH, DAMN, YOU BEAT ME.

- NYUK, NYUK, NYUK!

- YOU'RE INTO THE STOOGES? - WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING?

WHA-BA-BA, WHA-BA-BA!

- WOW...

A BABE WHO CAN ROAD RACE AND LIKES THE STOOGES.

YOU KNOW, I GOT ALL THEIR VIDEOS.

- REALLY? YOU GOT THE ONE

WHERE THE THREE OF THEM GO TO HOLLYWOOD

AND BECOME MOVIE STARS. - YEAH.

- WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE WHEN THEY'RE TRYING

TO FIX THE WATER PUMP

AND THEY PUMP OIL ON CURLY'S HEAD?

- NO, NO, THAT WAS MOE.

CURLY SAT ON THE PUMP AND SHOT UP IN THE SKY.

- NO, THAT WAS OILY TO BED, OILY TO RISE.

- WAS NOT, YOU KA-KNUCKLEHEAD.

- WAS TOO, LAMEBRAIN! - WAS NOT!

[both imitating the Three Stooges]

[humming show theme]

[TV turns off]

- NO, DREYF, YOU KNOW THE ROUTINE.

FIRST, MY COFFEE, THEN YOUR WALK.

[doorbell rings]

OH. [groans in disgust]

FIRST, I WASH MY HAND, THEN MY COFFEE, THEN YOUR WALK.

PHILIP, WHAT A NICE SURPRISE.

- EW. - OH, SORRY.

- MORNING, DR. WESTON. - HI.

- HEY, BOY, DID YOU MISS ME?

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND ME COMING OVER.

- NO.

- CAN I TAKE DREYFUSS FOR A WALK?

- SURE YOU CAN. ABSOLUTELY. COME ON.

YOU JUST WALK HIM UP AND DOWN THE BLOCK A COUPLE OF TIMES.

DON'T CROSS ANY STREETS.

- OKAY. I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIM.

- OKAY. SEE YOU.

I'D SAY THAT KID IS CURED. [chuckles]

- MORNING, HARRY. LISTEN, I GOT THIS PROBLEM.

- CHARLEY, YOU KNOW THE ROUTINE.

FIRST, MY COFFEE, THEN YOUR PROBLEMS.

- HARRY, I THINK I FOUND HER--

THE BABE-- I MEAN, WOMAN--

WHO'LL MAKE ME FORGET ALL THE REST,

EVEN THE ONES THAT'LL DO ANYTHING AFTER TWO LIGHT BEERS.

- SOUNDS SERIOUS. - I THINK IT IS.

I ACTUALLY SPENT THE ENTIRE NIGHT WITH HER

AND DIDN'T TOUCH HER.

THAT'S A FIRST FOR ME, HARRY.

- WELL, I SUPPOSE YOU SHOULD TRY EVERYTHING ONCE.

- THE WEIRD PART IS I'M HAPPY JUST TALKING TO HER.

IT'S LIKE I HAVE FUN WITH HER

WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING FUN WITH HER.

WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME, HARRY?

- WELL, MAYBE YOU'RE BECOMING AN ADULT.

OR NOT.

- I THINK IT'S LOVE.

SO DO I TELL HER HOW I FEEL,

OR SHOULD I JUST LET HER FIND ME HANGING NAKED

IN MY GRAVITY BOOTS?

- HEY, GUYS. - MORNING, BABE.

- MORNING, BARBARA.

YOU'RE, UH--YOU'RE LOOKING LOVELIER THAN EVER.

- AH, WISE GUY, HUH? WHA-BA-BA, WHA-BA-BA!

- [laughing absurdly]

[sighs]

SO, UH, WHAT TIME ARE YOU GONNA DROP BY TONIGHT?

- OH, I WASN'T PLANNING ON COMING BY.

IF THAT WOMAN DIDN'T SHOW UP LAST NIGHT,

YOU'RE GONNA BE FINE.

- OH, GREAT.

BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU CAN STILL COME BY TO TALK IF YOU WANT.

- WELL, MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME. I GOT TO GO.

- WELL, IF YOU GET FINISHED EARLY

AND--AND YOU NEED SOMETHING TO DO,

I'LL PROBABLY BE UP--

UPSIDE DOWN, ACTUALLY, IN MY GRAVITY BOOTS.

- OH.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' ON MY PHONE?

- DREYFUSS IS MISSING.

A NEIGHBOR SAW PHILIP PUT HIM IN HIS LIMO AND DRIVE OFF.

AND IT'S NOT YOUR PHONE.

OH, HELLO, MR. LOGAN?

- IT IS MY PHONE.

- CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS LATER, PLEASE?

HI, THIS IS DR. WESTON. UM, IS PHILIP THERE?

OH, HE'S OUTSIDE WITH DREYFUSS. THANK GOD.

THANK ME?

OH, NO, SIR. NO, NO. EXCUSE ME.

THERE--THERE'S BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING.

I DID NOT GIVE MY DOG TO YOUR SON. I--

UH, WHY DON'T I DROP BY AFTER WORK,

AND WE CAN STRAIGHTEN THIS OUT?

ALL RIGHT. YEAH, GREAT. BYE-BYE.

- YOU GON' GET YOUR DOG BACK?

- YEAH, YEAH. I'LL--I'LL GET HIM TONIGHT.

[phone ringing]

[phone ringing]

LAVERNE... [ringing continues]

- IT'S YOUR PHONE. YOU ANSWER IT.

- I JUST WANT TO THANK YOU FOR COMING BY, DR. WESTON.

I JUST FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENED.

- WELL, CONSIDERING THE CIRCUMSTANCES, IT'S REALLY OKAY.

- NO, IT'S NOT OKAY.

I MEAN, TAKING SOMEONE'S PROPERTY

WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION-- THAT'S STEALING.

- WELL, I WOULDN'T BE TOO HARD ON THE BOY.

- HOWEVER, IF YOU-- YOU KNOW, YOU PAY THE GUY,

THAT WOULD BE CONSIDERED, UH, YOU KNOW,

PLAIN OLD AMERICAN DEALING.

- MR. LOGAN, YOU CAN'T BUY MY DOG FOR $100,

NOT FOR $200, NOT FOR--

[inhales sharply] $10,000?

- YEAH.

AND I CAN MAKE THAT CASH

IF YOU'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE FEDS.

- NO, PLEASE, JUST--JUST GIVE ME MY DOG.

- REALLY? YOU SURE?

[sighs]

UH, PHILIP, UH, SON,

COULD YOU COME DOWN TO THE LIBRARY RIGHT AWAY

AND, UH, BRING THE DOG?

I DREAD THIS.

I'VE HAD A TERRIBLE TIME REFUSING THE BOY ANYTHING

EVER SINCE HIS MOTHER RAN OFF WITH OUR PERSONAL TRAINER.

- YEAH, I KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS

TO RAISE A CHILD ALL BY YOURSELF.

- YEAH, MUST BE.

FORTUNATELY, I HAVE A PRETTY GOOD SIZED STAFF HERE.

UH, DR. WESTON, UH, DO YOU THINK THAT MAYBE, YOU KNOW,

YOU COULD BREAK THE BAD NEWS TO PHILIP?

- DON'T YOU THINK IT WOULD BE EASIER ON THE BOY

IF IT CAME FROM SOMEONE CLOSER?

- YEAH, I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT. I'LL HAVE THE CHAUFFEUR DO IT.

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, SIR.

NO, NEVER MIND. I'LL--I'LL DO IT.

- OH. HI, DR. WESTON.

HEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE, SCAMP.

- S-SCAMP? - SCAMP.

- I GAVE HIM A NEW NAME TO GO WITH HIS NEW HOME.

- UH, PHILIP, UH, I'M--I'M HERE TO TAKE DREYFUSS HOME WITH ME.

- DAD. - SON, I TRIED.

- THEN TRY HARDER.

DID YOU TELL HIM HE DOESN'T HAVE TO DECLARE IT?

- PHILIP, YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND.

DREYF AND I HAVE BEEN BEST FRIENDS FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

HE BELONGS WITH ME.

- BUT I WANT HIM.

- WELL, I'M SORRY NO ONE'S EVER TOLD YOU THIS BEFORE,

BUT, UH, YOU CAN'T ALWAYS HAVE EVERYTHING YOU WANT.

HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF I CAME IN HERE

AND TOOK AWAY SOMEONE YOU LOVE, LIKE YOUR BIG BROTHER?

- THEY ALREADY TOOK HIM.

HE'S IN REHAB.

- PHILIP, THERE ARE SOME THINGS MONEY CAN'T BUY,

LIKE FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE...

OR MY DOG.

DON'T YOU WANT DREYF TO BE WHERE HE'S HAPPIEST?

- I GUESS SO.

BUT WE'VE GOT TEN ACRES FOR HIM TO RUN AROUND IN

AND STEAK FOR DINNER EVERY NIGHT.

WHERE WOULD YOU RATHER LIVE?

- WITH MY FAMILY.

PHILIP, ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS YOU LEARN FROM HAVING A DOG

IS THAT LOVE AND LOYALTY

ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN THINGS.

NOW, YOU CAN COME VISIT DREYF ANYTIME YOU WANT,

BUT RIGHT NOW WE'RE GOING HOME.

COME ON, DREYF. COME ON.

- SCAMP, SCAMP, LOOK WHAT I GOT FOR YOU.

- DREYF?

- SEE?

- I, UH--I'M SORRY.

- HEY, DREYF, HOW'S MY FAVORITE HOSTAGE?

- YEAH.

HE'S HOME AND...

AND REARING TO NAP.

WANT TO JOIN US FOR A WELCOME-HOME DINNER?

- OH, I'D LOVE TO, DADDY, BUT I GOT TO KEEP AN EYE ON CHARLEY.

HE GOT SOME MORE HATE MAIL.

- "DEAR CHARLEY, SORRY I DIDN'T KILL YOU LAST NIGHT.

"CAR TROUBLE.

"BUT YOU'LL DIE TONIGHT UNLESS YOU HAVE A GUARDIAN ANGEL.

LOVE, JAN"?

- NO, I THINK IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE JANE.

SHE'S GOT WORSE HANDWRITING THAN YOU, DADDY.

- THIS IS CHARLEY'S GROCERY LIST.

YOU NOTICE ANYTHING? - HE MISSPELLED HO HOS.

HE WROTE THE NOTE?

WHY?

- MAYBE HE LIKES HAVING YOU AROUND.

- ME?

- BARBARA, CHARLEY'S GOT A GIANT CRUSH ON YOU.

- OH, MY GOD.

AND I JUST THOUGHT HE WAS ACTING GOONY THIS MORNING

BECAUSE HE'S GOONY.

- I DON'T MEAN TO PRY, DEAR,

BUT GOONY'S NOT A QUALITY YOU LOOK FOR IN A MAN, IS IT?

- DADDY, PLEASE, CHARLEY'S MY FRIEND,

BUT HE'S STILL CHARLEY.

- GOOD, BECAUSE I REALLY DIDN'T WANT TO GIVE YOU

THAT "I NO LONGER HAVE A DAUGHTER" SPEECH.

- OH, DADDY,

HOW AM I GONNA TELL CHARLEY I'M NOT INTERESTED IN HIM?

IT'S GONNA WRECK OUR FRIENDSHIP.

I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS.

- I HAVE THREE WORDS FOR YOU, DEAR...

MRS. BARBARA DIETZ.

- THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.

[knock at door]

CHARLEY, I WANT TO TALK TO YOU.

WHAT'S ALL THIS?

- A LITTLE SOMETHING I WHIPPED UP FOR US.

- SPAGHETTIO'S?

- THE HOT DOG LAIN ON TOP WAS MY IDEA.

- [chuckles]

CHARLEY, THIS IS VERY...

SWEET.

- I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT.

AMAZING, ISN'T IT?

ALL THESE YEARS WE'VE LIVED NEXT DOOR TO EACH OTHER

AND FINALLY REALIZE HOW MUCH WE SHARE.

- THAT'S PROBABLY WHY WE'RE SUCH GOOD FRIENDS.

- GREAT FRIENDS--

BEST, EVEN.

- SO WE CAN BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER, RIGHT?

- WHY?

DO I HAVE A BOOGER?

- NO.

CHARLEY...

I KNOW THAT JANE DIDN'T WRITE THAT LAST NOTE.

YOU DID.

- WHY WOULD I DO THAT?

- BECAUSE YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON ME.

- OH, REALLY?

I THINK SOMEONE'S STUCK ON HERSELF.

- CHARLEY, COME ON.

I KNOW WHEN SOMEONE LIKES ME. - OKAY.

I WAS AFRAID TO TELL YOU, BECAUSE I WASN'T SURE

IF YOU FELT THE SAME WAY ABOUT ME.

SO...

DO YOU?

- OH, CHARLEY.

- [sighs] NO.

- CHARLEY, YOU'RE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS.

AND I WANT IT TO BE THAT WAY FOREVER.

BUT IF WE GOT INVOLVED, WE WOULD RISK LOSING EVERYTHING.

- OKAY, I UNDERSTAND.

- REALLY? JUST LIKE THAT?

- SURE. WHAT WOULD A GREAT GIRL LIKE YOU WANT

WITH A POOR SCHLUB LIKE ME?

I MEAN, YOU NEED A REAL MAN, NOT A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR ONE.

I'M DIRT.

- I'M NOT GIVING YOU SYMPATHY SEX.

- DAMN, YOU REALLY KNOW ME, DON'T YOU?

- CHARLEY, IF YOU TRIED BEING FRIENDS WITH THESE WOMEN

INSTEAD OF DOING OTHER THINGS WITH THEM FIRST,

YOU MIGHT FIND SOMEONE WHO'S REALLY RIGHT FOR YOU.

- JEEZ, BARBARA, YOU MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

THAT REALLY HELPED. I'M A NEW GUY.

- I'M NOT GIVING YOU CHEERED-UP SEX EITHER.

- DAMN, YOU'RE GOOD.

- CHARLEY, I GOT TO GO. - UH, BARBARA, WAIT A SECOND.

SINCE I SPRANG FOR DINNER AND EVERYTHING,

THE LEAST YOU COULD DO--

- CHARLEY, I MEAN IT WHEN I SAID NO.

- I JUST WANT YOU TO CHECK MY PLACE OUT.

- OH, OKAY, DID YOU REMEMBER TO LOCK THE BATHROOM WINDOW?

- I THINK SO.

- [shrieking]

- JANE? - SLEAZE BAG.

- MIAMI P.D.

WHAT IS THIS? - GLUE.

I WAS GOING TO PUT IT IN HIS HAIR MOUSSE.

- GOD, THAT'S SICK.

- BUT I CHANGED MY MIND.

AFTER HEARING YOU BREAK HIS HEART, I GOT MY REVENGE.

SUFFER, CHARLEY. SUFFER THE WAY I DID.

- LOOK, I DON'T CARE IF YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND.

YOU'RE COMING DOWNTOWN WITH ME.

- BARBARA, A WORD?

MAYBE THIS IS THE LORD'S WAY TO SHOW ME

THAT JANE'S MISS RIGHT.

- I DON'T THINK THE LORD CONDONES

BREAKING AND ENTERING, CHARLEY.

- MAYBE NOT, BUT JANE'S A LOT BETTER-LOOKING THAN I REMEMBER.

- CHARLEY!

- JUST LET ME TALK TO HER FOR A SECOND.

JANE, I'M REAL SORRY

ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN US BEFORE.

I THINK WE GOT A LITTLE AHEAD OF OURSELVES.

WHY DON'T WE JUST TRY TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER?

- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

- THAT'S VERY NICE, CHARLEY.

- GREAT.

SO, UH, YOU LIKE THE STOOGES?

- YEAH. MY FAVORITE'S GROUCHO.

- BOOK HER, DANNO.

- ALL RIGHT. COME ON, DREYF.

TIME FOR YOUR WALK.

COME ON, DREYF.

DREYFUSS, COME.

ALL RIGHT.

SCAMP.

OH.

COME OVER HERE.

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