Original subtitles

Don't touch that phone!

Hello?

Could you keep the line clear?

I'm waiting for an important call.

Both: What's his name?

Ian paine Whitney.

He seems perfect.

He's cultured, he's well educated,

and he's descended from the house of windsor.

That's a coincidence.

Your last date was a cashier from the house of pancakes.

Carol, who was that on the phone?

Oh, right. Your service.

Something about an urgent house call.

Carol!

Now daddy, don't blame Carol.

Kids get sick all the time.

How often does Carol get a date?

Life goes on and so do we

Just how we do it is no mystery

Sometimes the answer can be hard to find

Hard to find

that's something I will never be

I'm always here for anything you need

Anything you need

rain or shine, I'll be the one

To share it all as life goes on

We share it all as life goes on

Coming.

I'll be right there.

Hi, Louise polsky?

- Yeah. - I'm doctor Harry Weston.

You left a message on my service.

You have an emergency, right? Well, where is the child?

- He's in the other room. - Shall I go in there?

Or do you want to bring him out here?

Oh, uh, I don't think either one

would be a good idea.

- Why? - Well, Billy's very shy.

Oh, it's all right. No, I'm used to that.

Why don't we discuss his symptoms?

Come with me. He'll be in the other room,

and he'll be getting accustomed to the sound of your voice.

Then he'll come out, and who knows?

He might even call you uncle Harry.

- Yeah. - Look, I...

look, Jimmy's leg keeps falling asleep on him.

It just keeps going numb, numb, numb.

See, I thought you said his name was Billy.

Oh, I call him Jimmy for short.

Mrs. polsky, is there a child in that other room?

Is there a child in that other room?

Oh, god, that's so funny. That's really funny.

Billy? Are you still in here?

Yes, mommy.

And I can't come out

because I'm way too shy,

and my leg is numb.

Well, I bet I know what you're thinking now.

Why does Billy live in the closet?

Look, I don't understand.

If your leg's bothering you,

why did you call a pediatrician?

See, my good friend, rhoda wasserman,

she just said that you're one of the best doctors in Miami,

that you're one of the few doctors who still care.

Yes. Yes, I take care of her son.

I would do anything for rhoda. So you'll help me?

No.

I really am sorry.

I've just been going through

a very painful breakup of a relationship.

I mean, I've been too depressed to get off the couch.

Do you know that I've been sitting here for days?

Mrs. polsky, I don't think there's anything wrong

with your leg other than the fact

you've been sitting on it for days.

Really?

Now, I tell you what,

look, just to be on the safe side,

I'll give you the name of a good orthopedist.

I'll write his name on the back of my card.

Oh, does he make house calls?

- No, he does not. - Oh.

What if Billy were to slip a disc?

Good-bye, Mrs. polsky.

See you later... Billy.

The restaurant is lovely.

Graced by the presence of your beauty,

it becomes all the more lovely.

Oh, Ian.

If I'm dreaming, please don't wake me up.

Nor you I, my dear.

Whew!

I hope you're free this week.

I'd like to see as much of you as possible.

Well, I am scheduled to give blood at the red cross

but, pooh, I'll cancel.

- Ah, dessert. - Ooh.

It all looks so yummy.

I'd have the chocolate mousse,

but I'm a strict vegetarian.

Oh, Carol.

What a lovely sense of humor...

"but I'm a strict vegetarian."

I'm flattered, but really, it wasn't all that funny.

Oh, yes, it is.

Laverne, have I changed?

That's between you and your under-wear.

No, I mean, this morning... This morning, I met this woman

who had just broken up from a relationship,

and she was lonely and desperate,

reaching out and trying to make contact.

You know what I did? Nothing.

I mean, what's happened to me?

I always believed you can make a difference

in another person's life.

Well if you ask me, you did exactly the right thing.

People don't learn a dang thing,

unless they do it on their own.

Well, Laverne, I disagree.

There ar... - hi.

- Hi. - Hi.

I just came to see that orthopedist

that you told me about.

What are you doing here?

What is it, like, a golf related injury?

No... no... no... no... no. I...

I wrote doctor Pinkman's name on the back of my card.

I think you made a mistake.

- See? - Oh.

Oh!

Pardon me, but, uh... Are you real?

Excuse me. Laverne, that's rude.

No, that's okay. I get that a lot.

Listen, Mrs. polsky, Louise.

Actually, I am so glad that you're here.

Look, I know what it's like to suddenly find yourself alone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The best thing you can do

is get out of that apartment of yours,

and get back in the world.

Tell you what, I was thinking about taking in a movie tonight.

Why don't you join me? As friends, of course.

Me? Really?

Pick you up at 6:00?

Could you make it 5:00?

Yeah. Yeah. Sure.

Oh, god. Okay.

I'll see you later. Bye. Bye.

Well, you have a good heart, doctor.

Thank you, Laverne.

Too bad it stopped pumpin' blood to your brain.

- Mm. - Mmm!

This is really nice.

I just... I just can't believe

that you've gone to all this trouble.

Oh, come on, it's no trouble.

Louise, it's all right.

It's really tough for people to adjust to being on their own.

Oh, it is.

It really is.

You and he must've been together quite a long time.

Please, that's too painful talk about.

It just... it hits me like little needles.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Oh! Uh!

Uh, good!

Yeah... Yeah, huh.

Ooh. Oh.

Oh.

Here. Here. Here. Let me get it.

Let me help you with that.

- Here we go. - Oh.

Oh, thank you.

- Actually quite simple, huh? - Thank you.

Okay.

Mm.

No... no... no... no. Give me.

Here, let me help you.

Let me... let me do this.

Okay. Here we go.

I never thought I'd be so happy to hear that sound.

Oh, listen, I know what this is, and I really have to go.

Um, I hope, you know, that

I've been of some small help to you.

And, uh, good luck to you.

Oh, well, thank you.

You've been very kind. It's okay.

- Um, Harry? - Mm-hmm?

Oh, good morning, Saint Harry.

Woo! That halo o' yourn is a-blindin' me.

Laverne, I'm not a Saint,

but I am a better person by helping Louise.

It wasn't easy, but I did my part.

I helped her out. Now it's over with.

Okey-dokey.

Then it's time for work, room one.

Fine.

What!

Look, I'm really sorry to bother you,

but I just know so little about this stuff.

Is this the right bulb for a track light?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, it is.

You seem to know a lot about this stuff.

You know, I was wondering,

could you just stop by tonight and put it in for me?

See, it's up real high, and I just can't reach it.

Don't you have a ladder?

Uh... Yeah.

Yeah.

Right.

Sure I do.

Good idea.

Okay. Well then, good luck to you.

Oh, thank you.

You know, you've really been kind.

Um, just one more question.

Okay?

That ladder, uh,

do I need to open it?

I guess this is the sort of thing he used to do.

Oh, no, please. Please, too painful.

The needles.

Ooh!

Ooh!

Oh! No, I can... No, I guess I can drop by.

- Ow! - Oh!

I mean, tonight I could.

- Really? - I'm sure. Tonight.

It's on my way.

Thank you so much. Thank you, doctor.

Thank you. I'll be seeing you later.

- Bye-bye. - All right. Thanks.

Now, what... what... What were you sayin'

about helpin' her out, and it bein' over with?

Big deal, Laverne.

She wants me to change a light bulb for her.

If you want to be a good samaritan,

it's not always just a one-time thing.

Kind of like bein' an idiot.

- Big date with Ian, huh? - I guess.

Now, Carol, what's wrong?

You said this guy was perfect.

He is perfect.

Except for this one tiny thing.

This one tiny, horrible, I could swallow cyanide thing.

What?

Is he small?

No.

What else could it possibly be?

You'll see.

Carol darling.

You look absolutely ravishing.

Ian, I'd like you to meet my sister, Barbara.

Pleasure to make your acquaintance, Barbara.

Ditto.

These are for you.

- Oh. - Were these diamonds,

they still would not be as precious as you.

Excuse us for a minute.

I don't care how small that guy is,

he's perfect.

Tell him a joke.

- What? - Just do it.

You'll see. Come on.

So, Ian.

You hear what happened down at the police station?

- No, I didn't. - Yeah,

guy broke in, stole all the toilets.

Oh, how unfortunate.

Police don't have a thing to go on.

It took me a second to get it, but it's a pip!

Excuse me, I'm just going to go put these in water.

Barbara, what am I going to do?

The man of my dreams laughs like a donkey.

Maybe it's not as bad as I think.

Hey, neat, where ya hiding the burro?

Boy, the way you screw in that bulb.

Are you sure you're not an electrician?

Well, that's it. You're all done.

Oh, god. Okay.

Fast test. Okay?

Great. This is great.

This is perfect.

Except, well, you know, it's pointed completely wrong.

Look, maybe I moved the focus by accident.

No, don't worry about it.

No. Come on. Come on. Come on.

It's a very quick adjustment.

Oh, okay. Well, you do that,

and I'll let you know when it's right, okay?

Okay. Go!

Left.

Left.

Left.

Left.

Left.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

Right.

This is perfect.

That's exactly where we started out, Louise.

Oh.

Left.

- Left. - No, Louise. Louise.

Louise. Come. Louise, here.

Come, Louise, here, now. Here, come.

Oh, there you go.

We can just... Move the chair.

- I just want to thank you. - Well, good luck to you.

You have really been kind.

You know, it's so rare to find a good samaritan like you.

And you have such strong hands.

I mean, like a sculptor, or an artist, or something.

Tell me, have you ever caulked a tub before?

Whoa.

Late night screwin' in that light bulb, huh?

You know, back in hickory, we have ourselves a sayin'...

Those who help those who won't help themselves

are stupid.

Oh, hey Ms. wasserman. Hello, Laverne. Hi, Harry.

I thought I'd just drop off Tommy's insurance form.

Oh, we were just talking about a friend of yours.

- Oh. - Louise polsky.

What about her?

Nothing. I just did a few favors for her.

Oh, god, you didn't?

Why not? She's having a terrible time

getting over that relationship.

What relationship? This guy lasted two days.

Two... two... two days? I don't understand.

This woman is a bottomless pit of needs.

There is no end to them.

And Harry, you can run, but you can't hide.

Excuse me, kids, I gotta see the doctor.

Hi.

Rhoda.

I thought you moved to France.

- How's it going with Ian? - Great.

It's a long shot, I know, but I planned a week

where it will be next to impossible

for him to laugh.

Right now, we're watching love story.

Tomorrow, it's a Sylvia plath poety reading.

And then Friday, the film documentary

the sorrow and the pity.

Six hours of Nazis, Nazis, Nazis.

Okay.

Back to our movie.

I hope you don't find my selection too bleak.

Quite the contrary. I have a deeply sensitive side.

Oh.

Oh, this is the part where Ali McGraw's dying,

and Ryan O'Neal climbs on the bed

and lies down next to her.

Oh, Ian, this is so sad.

I know, dear. It touches me, too.

This is so nice.

I love oysters.

Oh, Louise, I'm so glad I could help you out a little,

but I'm afraid that's all.

It'll have to come to an end now

because I have such a very full life of my own.

- Could you? - Oh, yeah. Sure. Sure. Sure.

Well, you know, what I want to say is,

I think you'd be a much happier person

if you were more independent,

and your relationships would last a whole lot longer,

and you'd have all the friends you could possibly want.

- Really? - Yeah.

Well, then maybe I'll take your advice.

You know, from now on, I am.

I'm going to be so much more independent.

Harry, could you...?

No. No. Louise, you can do that.

After all, the only way to get the Pearl

is to open the oyster.

But you just said I mean,

Harry, it's so beautiful.

Really, that was beautiful.

Now, look, just pretend I'm not here.

Madam? Madam?

Would you mind putting down your garlic toast

and coming over here?

No... no... no... no.

Stay. Stay. Stay.

Louise.

Oh, god.

Okay.

It worked.

No Pearl.

Just oyster waste material.

The real prize is not what's inside the oyster,

but what's inside you.

Confidence. Have faith in yourself.

You're right, Harry.

You really are right.

You're a very wise man.

And you've really helped me a lot.

And I hope to continue helping you

by doing absolutely nothing.

For years and years to come.

Well, okay, I've got to get going.

Louise.

This is for you.

Take care, dear,

and good luck to you. Oh, Harry.

Thank you.

You've really been kind to me.

Bye.

Madam?

Is the doctor in?

No.

Oh.

Um, could I use the telephone?

No.

Could I have the key to the restroom?

No.

Do you have, like a little mirror I could use?

No.

Oh. Could I borrow your comb?

No.

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