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1
00:00:01,504 --> 00:00:03,770
Of course I'm excited, lurlene.
2
00:00:03,801 --> 00:00:06,856
My Alma mater's playin'
basketball on national TV.
3
00:00:07,130 --> 00:00:08,708
That's the biggest thing
to hit the campus
4
00:00:08,732 --> 00:00:11,065
since that twister
leveled the graduate school
5
00:00:11,101 --> 00:00:12,729
of trailer park management.
6
00:00:14,337 --> 00:00:16,461
It's a joke, lurlene.
7
00:00:17,107 --> 00:00:19,073
Oh, the doctor's in. Got to go.
8
00:00:19,109 --> 00:00:21,776
Remember, go arkadelphia!
9
00:00:21,811 --> 00:00:24,812
- Well! Big game, huh?
- Oh, I'll say.
10
00:00:24,848 --> 00:00:27,749
Our school'll be in the top 20
after we win this weekend.
11
00:00:27,784 --> 00:00:29,984
Well, you sound
pretty sure of yourself.
12
00:00:30,020 --> 00:00:31,430
Oh, yeah.
We're playin' one of them
13
00:00:31,454 --> 00:00:33,621
sissy-pot northeastern schools.
14
00:00:33,656 --> 00:00:35,735
Hooperville, hammermill, I...
15
00:00:36,959 --> 00:00:39,761
- You don't mean haverhill?
- Hell, that's it.
16
00:00:39,796 --> 00:00:42,497
Good name
for a loser school, huh?
17
00:00:44,234 --> 00:00:46,307
I went to haverhill.
18
00:00:47,771 --> 00:00:50,604
Well you... you mean,
I'm workin' for a chicken hawk?
19
00:00:52,175 --> 00:00:53,808
No. That's a heron, Laverne.
20
00:00:53,843 --> 00:00:57,211
We are the high flying
herons of haverhill college.
21
00:00:57,247 --> 00:00:58,780
Well, you might as well
be an ostrich
22
00:00:58,815 --> 00:00:59,992
'cause while
your head's in sand,
23
00:01:00,016 --> 00:01:01,890
we're gon' kick your butt.
24
00:01:07,457 --> 00:01:11,225
Life goes on and so do we
25
00:01:11,261 --> 00:01:15,463
Just how we do it
is no mystery
26
00:01:15,498 --> 00:01:18,433
Sometimes the answer
can be hard to find
27
00:01:18,468 --> 00:01:19,734
Hard to find
28
00:01:19,769 --> 00:01:21,836
that's something
I will never be
29
00:01:21,871 --> 00:01:27,208
I'm always here
for anything you need
30
00:01:27,243 --> 00:01:31,179
Anything you need
31
00:01:31,214 --> 00:01:34,515
rain or shine
I'll be the one
32
00:01:34,551 --> 00:01:38,953
To share it all
as life goes on
33
00:01:38,988 --> 00:01:44,759
We share it all
as life goes on
34
00:02:03,815 --> 00:02:05,314
- Morning, ladies.
- Morning, daddy.
35
00:02:05,350 --> 00:02:07,917
Oh, daddy, an article
on haverhill's basketball team.
36
00:02:07,952 --> 00:02:09,485
Ooh! Oh, hey, it says
37
00:02:09,521 --> 00:02:12,221
we're a six-point favorite
over the arkadelphians.
38
00:02:12,257 --> 00:02:13,990
Poor Laverne.
39
00:02:14,025 --> 00:02:16,792
Boy, if she ever saw this,
it would kill her.
40
00:02:22,515 --> 00:02:24,515
- Hey, Charley.
- The people I love.
41
00:02:24,550 --> 00:02:25,849
You know, westons,
42
00:02:25,885 --> 00:02:28,052
there's no one
I'd rather live next door to
43
00:02:28,087 --> 00:02:29,486
except maybe a lingerie model
44
00:02:29,522 --> 00:02:31,422
without window treatments.
45
00:02:33,492 --> 00:02:34,932
Charley, before
I ask you to leave,
46
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,985
and I will,
something we can do for you?
47
00:02:37,029 --> 00:02:38,461
I hope so.
48
00:02:38,497 --> 00:02:40,387
My parents are driving
their rv to Disney world,
49
00:02:40,403 --> 00:02:42,081
and they decided to stop
by for a visit.
50
00:02:42,099 --> 00:02:43,099
Ooh.
51
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:45,152
Boy, you haven't seen
your folks in a long time.
52
00:02:45,187 --> 00:02:48,061
Yeah. That's why I want
everything to be perfect.
53
00:02:48,083 --> 00:02:49,816
For starters,
I thought I'd take them out
54
00:02:49,852 --> 00:02:51,985
to a really great meal.
55
00:02:52,020 --> 00:02:54,020
I was thinking of
someplace homey.
56
00:02:54,056 --> 00:02:57,224
With real home cooking.
Simple, not pretentious.
57
00:02:57,259 --> 00:02:58,825
Oh, I know. Mama viti's.
58
00:02:58,861 --> 00:03:00,927
That's good. That's good.
59
00:03:00,963 --> 00:03:03,663
But, I was thinking of
something, you know,
60
00:03:03,699 --> 00:03:06,032
within walking distance,
friendly faces,
61
00:03:06,068 --> 00:03:07,946
maybe a dog in the corner.
62
00:03:10,953 --> 00:03:13,687
They're your parents,
you cook for them.
63
00:03:13,722 --> 00:03:16,389
Please. Invite us to dinner.
64
00:03:16,425 --> 00:03:17,824
I need help.
65
00:03:17,859 --> 00:03:19,926
I don't get along so good
with my folks.
66
00:03:19,962 --> 00:03:21,394
Charley, what's the problem?
67
00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:24,005
It's kind of
an emotionally complex issue.
68
00:03:24,052 --> 00:03:26,587
- Give us a hint.
- They hate me.
69
00:03:27,561 --> 00:03:29,069
They've always had a better time
70
00:03:29,104 --> 00:03:31,271
with my brother,
the Mercedes mechanic.
71
00:03:31,306 --> 00:03:32,606
Dieter's their favorite.
72
00:03:32,641 --> 00:03:34,030
Dieter?
73
00:03:34,643 --> 00:03:36,064
Dieter dietz?
74
00:03:37,145 --> 00:03:39,596
Yeah, he even got the good name.
75
00:03:39,881 --> 00:03:42,649
Charley, this explains
volumes about you.
76
00:03:42,684 --> 00:03:44,517
Growing up in the shadow
of your brother,
77
00:03:44,553 --> 00:03:47,287
ever aware of being
the least favorite sibling.
78
00:03:47,322 --> 00:03:50,056
I knew you'd understand, Carol.
79
00:03:50,092 --> 00:03:52,859
Charley, I assure you
80
00:03:52,894 --> 00:03:54,694
I am not my father's favorite.
81
00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:56,323
I know.
82
00:03:58,367 --> 00:04:00,590
Are you implying
that Barbara is?
83
00:04:00,726 --> 00:04:02,469
Daddy, isn't that
the most ridiculous thing
84
00:04:02,504 --> 00:04:03,850
you ever heard?
85
00:04:07,342 --> 00:04:09,762
Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.
86
00:04:10,983 --> 00:04:13,157
Charley, come on, we can see
how much this means to you.
87
00:04:13,181 --> 00:04:15,281
Why don't you bring
your folks over, 7:00?
88
00:04:15,317 --> 00:04:17,791
Oh, that's great, Harry. Thanks.
89
00:04:17,838 --> 00:04:19,653
I'd better go home
and straighten up.
90
00:04:19,688 --> 00:04:21,914
Throw out the trash.
What's her name?
91
00:04:21,942 --> 00:04:23,061
Rita.
92
00:04:35,470 --> 00:04:36,795
Morning, Laverne.
93
00:04:37,906 --> 00:04:41,601
Wipe that smirk off your face,
the sports page is wrong.
94
00:04:43,578 --> 00:04:44,777
Sports page?
95
00:04:44,801 --> 00:04:46,346
You're gloating
because the paper
96
00:04:46,381 --> 00:04:48,348
picked your team over mine.
97
00:04:48,383 --> 00:04:50,483
I am not.
98
00:04:50,519 --> 00:04:52,719
I mean, I may have noticed
that article this morning,
99
00:04:52,754 --> 00:04:54,254
but I'm certainly not gloating.
100
00:04:54,289 --> 00:04:57,123
I told you before,
it really doesn't matter to me.
101
00:04:57,159 --> 00:04:58,658
Well, make it matter,
102
00:04:58,694 --> 00:05:00,460
'cause you're takin'
all the fun out of this.
103
00:05:00,495 --> 00:05:01,721
All right, if it'll
make you happy, Laverne,
104
00:05:01,745 --> 00:05:03,363
- I care.
- Oh, just like that?
105
00:05:03,398 --> 00:05:05,532
Boy, you roll over as easily
as those gutless herons
106
00:05:05,567 --> 00:05:07,167
we're about to whip.
107
00:05:07,202 --> 00:05:09,536
Laverne, don't badger me.
108
00:05:09,571 --> 00:05:11,404
- Just drop it.
- Dropped.
109
00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:13,890
- Jenny mcclade, room one.
- Okay.
110
00:05:17,505 --> 00:05:18,736
Chicken hawk.
111
00:05:23,850 --> 00:05:26,937
Oh, Carol made cookies.
112
00:05:27,193 --> 00:05:28,396
Whoa! Look.
113
00:05:28,434 --> 00:05:31,502
Barbara's special brownies.
114
00:05:32,529 --> 00:05:35,463
How come Barbara gets
an adjective and I don't?
115
00:05:35,499 --> 00:05:37,901
Oh, I'm sorry, dear.
116
00:05:38,301 --> 00:05:41,927
Carol's... oatmeal cookies.
117
00:05:42,205 --> 00:05:43,405
It's all right, daddy.
118
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:45,291
I spoke to Dr. Grossman today
119
00:05:45,331 --> 00:05:47,307
about this issue of
you favoring Barbara,
120
00:05:47,353 --> 00:05:49,143
and he suggested
I keep a journal
121
00:05:49,186 --> 00:05:51,627
to examine the validity
of my feelings.
122
00:05:55,452 --> 00:05:58,386
You're not going to
make us read it, are you?
123
00:06:00,090 --> 00:06:03,024
Yeah, I'm only halfway
through that poem you wrote.
124
00:06:03,059 --> 00:06:05,493
"My head is an ocean of pain,
125
00:06:05,529 --> 00:06:08,242
and I'm not too thrilled
about my thighs either."
126
00:06:08,698 --> 00:06:11,399
No, I've decided to adopt
a more scientific approach.
127
00:06:11,435 --> 00:06:14,602
Hence, these nifty clickers
to keep score.
128
00:06:15,247 --> 00:06:17,580
Every time daddy seems to
like one of us better,
129
00:06:17,616 --> 00:06:19,396
that person gets
her clicker clicked.
130
00:06:21,336 --> 00:06:24,237
Carol, you're being ridiculous.
131
00:06:24,272 --> 00:06:26,303
One for Barbara.
132
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,214
Daddy, I know a psychiatrist
133
00:06:28,243 --> 00:06:30,337
who will commit anyone for $300.
134
00:06:30,912 --> 00:06:33,146
- You be nice.
- And that's for me.
135
00:06:35,122 --> 00:06:36,349
Only $300, huh?
136
00:06:36,384 --> 00:06:37,534
Yeah.
137
00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,019
Carol, you don't need a clicker
138
00:06:40,055 --> 00:06:42,166
to prove that I love you.
And another for me.
139
00:06:42,190 --> 00:06:43,823
Carol, he's calling you an idiot
140
00:06:43,858 --> 00:06:46,889
for using those things.
That should've been my click.
141
00:06:48,229 --> 00:06:49,862
Daddy,
what was your true intent?
142
00:06:49,898 --> 00:06:51,397
To raise two daughters
143
00:06:51,433 --> 00:06:53,550
who'd be out of the house
by age 24.
144
00:06:58,006 --> 00:06:59,259
Let's go.
145
00:07:00,102 --> 00:07:02,002
Daddy, we were
out of the house at age 24,
146
00:07:02,038 --> 00:07:04,174
we just... came back.
147
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:08,220
Harry, I want to meet
my mom and dad,
148
00:07:08,244 --> 00:07:09,276
Fred and Ursula dietz.
149
00:07:09,312 --> 00:07:11,011
Hi. A pleasure. Come on in.
150
00:07:11,047 --> 00:07:12,179
Nice to meet you.
151
00:07:12,215 --> 00:07:15,082
What a lovely home
you have here.
152
00:07:15,117 --> 00:07:16,752
Well, thank you very much.
153
00:07:17,305 --> 00:07:19,086
These are my daughters,
Barbara and Carol.
154
00:07:19,121 --> 00:07:20,719
Hello.
155
00:07:26,329 --> 00:07:28,757
Also known as Carol
and Barbara.
156
00:07:30,266 --> 00:07:31,805
Please, sit.
157
00:07:32,724 --> 00:07:34,313
That's one big rv
you've got out there.
158
00:07:34,337 --> 00:07:39,240
Yeah. Fast too.
0 to 60 in 16.4 seconds.
159
00:07:39,275 --> 00:07:41,075
Yeah. You don't
want to be in the John
160
00:07:41,110 --> 00:07:44,419
when a.J. Foyt, here,
is in stop-and-go traffic.
161
00:07:45,039 --> 00:07:48,249
So, who tells you to drink
16 big gulps a day?
162
00:07:48,284 --> 00:07:50,251
Besides, it's not my fault.
163
00:07:50,286 --> 00:07:52,620
Dieter tuned it up too good.
Oh, yeah.
164
00:07:52,655 --> 00:07:55,122
Our son, the Mercedes mechanic.
165
00:07:55,157 --> 00:07:58,225
He's a genius.
Yeah, dieter's smart.
166
00:07:58,261 --> 00:07:59,760
But, I'm pretty smart too, mom.
167
00:07:59,795 --> 00:08:02,401
I worked it out so
I don't have to pay taxes.
168
00:08:05,195 --> 00:08:07,405
I'm a citizen of Panama.
169
00:08:14,970 --> 00:08:16,003
You are?
170
00:08:16,038 --> 00:08:17,383
Si.
171
00:08:19,662 --> 00:08:20,995
Same old Charley.
172
00:08:21,030 --> 00:08:23,330
Always taking the easy way out.
173
00:08:23,366 --> 00:08:24,999
When I think of the money
174
00:08:25,034 --> 00:08:26,734
we spent
on that military school.
175
00:08:26,769 --> 00:08:29,137
Charley went to military school?
176
00:08:29,169 --> 00:08:30,735
Best thing we ever did for him.
177
00:08:30,770 --> 00:08:31,970
He loved it there.
178
00:08:32,005 --> 00:08:34,411
I hated every minute
of that place.
179
00:08:34,439 --> 00:08:36,824
No, you didn't.
180
00:08:38,144 --> 00:08:39,380
Yes, I did.
181
00:08:39,412 --> 00:08:40,912
Didn't you ever read my letters?
182
00:08:40,947 --> 00:08:42,235
No.
183
00:08:44,818 --> 00:08:47,126
You know whose letters
I remember?
184
00:08:47,173 --> 00:08:49,520
Dieter's.
Oh, they were wonderful.
185
00:08:49,556 --> 00:08:51,100
You know, every time
Charley goes away,
186
00:08:51,124 --> 00:08:52,590
he sends us postcards.
187
00:08:52,626 --> 00:08:54,259
He is quite a world traveler.
188
00:08:54,294 --> 00:08:57,248
You still work
on that tugboat, son?
189
00:08:57,530 --> 00:08:59,163
It's not a tugboat, dad.
190
00:08:59,199 --> 00:09:01,185
Dieter said it was a tugboat.
191
00:09:01,701 --> 00:09:03,234
I don't care what dieter says.
192
00:09:03,270 --> 00:09:04,402
It's a cruise ship.
193
00:09:04,437 --> 00:09:05,911
Oh, right.
194
00:09:05,942 --> 00:09:07,605
What is it you do on there,
again?
195
00:09:07,641 --> 00:09:08,806
You don't remember?
196
00:09:08,842 --> 00:09:10,875
Oh, you can't expect us
to keep up
197
00:09:10,911 --> 00:09:13,829
with every tiny detail
of your life.
198
00:09:14,748 --> 00:09:17,340
You keep up with
everything dieter does.
199
00:09:17,452 --> 00:09:19,089
All right, Charley.
200
00:09:19,124 --> 00:09:21,209
What do you do on the boat?
201
00:09:23,225 --> 00:09:24,478
I'm...
202
00:09:25,194 --> 00:09:26,671
I'm the captain.
203
00:09:29,898 --> 00:09:31,131
What?
204
00:09:31,166 --> 00:09:32,862
When did this happen?
205
00:09:33,602 --> 00:09:35,282
Recently.
206
00:09:36,105 --> 00:09:38,472
Why didn't you tell us before?
207
00:09:38,507 --> 00:09:40,440
Oh, this is wonderful, dieter.
208
00:09:40,476 --> 00:09:42,767
- Charley.
- Whatever.
209
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,046
Charley, maybe you and I
210
00:09:46,081 --> 00:09:49,507
should crack open a bottle of
champagne to kind of celebrate.
211
00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:50,784
Harry, you're hurting me.
212
00:09:50,819 --> 00:09:52,025
I know.
213
00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:55,475
What the hell are you doing?
214
00:09:55,514 --> 00:09:57,044
I'm lying.
215
00:09:58,545 --> 00:09:59,945
Charley, lying to your parents
216
00:09:59,980 --> 00:10:02,114
to get their admiration
just doesn't work.
217
00:10:02,149 --> 00:10:04,984
But, we can make it work,
Harry, if we try.
218
00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:07,486
I'm not going to be
party to a lie.
219
00:10:07,521 --> 00:10:08,920
Harry, this is the first time
220
00:10:08,956 --> 00:10:10,366
my parents have ever
paid attention to me.
221
00:10:10,390 --> 00:10:12,457
Besides, I only have to
keep this up for tonight.
222
00:10:12,493 --> 00:10:13,636
Tomorrow, they're out of here.
223
00:10:13,660 --> 00:10:15,060
No problemo.
224
00:10:15,095 --> 00:10:17,762
Charley, your mom
just had a great idea.
225
00:10:17,798 --> 00:10:18,998
You're adding me to the will?
226
00:10:19,032 --> 00:10:21,396
Right.
227
00:10:21,935 --> 00:10:24,302
No, we want to see your ship.
228
00:10:24,338 --> 00:10:25,804
What ship?
229
00:10:25,839 --> 00:10:27,217
Oh.
230
00:10:27,278 --> 00:10:30,642
We want the captain's tour,
watch you boss everybody around.
231
00:10:30,677 --> 00:10:32,144
Dad, I don't know.
232
00:10:32,179 --> 00:10:35,110
Good, then it's all settled.
I'll tell your mother.
233
00:10:35,983 --> 00:10:38,047
Happy now, captain?
234
00:10:39,419 --> 00:10:42,624
Boy, am I going to
get a spanking.
235
00:10:44,491 --> 00:10:46,224
And for the first time
in 10 years,
236
00:10:46,260 --> 00:10:48,260
I'm not looking forward to it.
237
00:10:58,557 --> 00:11:00,157
Over here is an instrument
238
00:11:00,192 --> 00:11:04,261
where we can pinpoint our exact
location at any given time.
239
00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:06,481
It's called an electronic...
240
00:11:09,234 --> 00:11:10,427
Map.
241
00:11:12,371 --> 00:11:14,037
You know,
this is really something.
242
00:11:14,073 --> 00:11:15,872
I never thought
you'd amount to anything.
243
00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:19,042
Boy, after today,
I realize how wrong I've been.
244
00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:20,377
- Really?
- Yes, son.
245
00:11:20,412 --> 00:11:22,212
You've made us very happy.
246
00:11:22,247 --> 00:11:23,425
Oh, we're just so proud of you.
247
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:26,067
- Can we have a picture?
- Sure.
248
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:34,169
Hide it under your coat
on your way out, though.
249
00:11:34,193 --> 00:11:35,525
Okay. Well, thanks,
250
00:11:35,561 --> 00:11:38,595
but we meant a picture with you.
251
00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:40,197
Wow.
252
00:11:40,232 --> 00:11:41,698
Charley, I got to talk to you.
253
00:11:41,734 --> 00:11:43,967
Is that how you address
your captain?
254
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:45,502
Shut up, dietz.
255
00:11:45,537 --> 00:11:48,144
The captain's on the ship,
and he's headed portside.
256
00:11:48,607 --> 00:11:50,422
That's this way.
257
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:57,447
Mom, dad, I got some business
to take care of.
258
00:11:57,483 --> 00:12:00,217
Simms here will escort you out.
I've got to lock up.
259
00:12:00,252 --> 00:12:02,552
- Lock up?
- Insurance reasons.
260
00:12:02,588 --> 00:12:04,554
If they steal the ship
and the door's unlocked,
261
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:06,374
we're not covered.
262
00:12:21,706 --> 00:12:23,106
Who the hell are you?
263
00:12:23,142 --> 00:12:24,708
What are you doing
in that uniform?
264
00:12:24,743 --> 00:12:25,872
Oh...
265
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:31,577
Happy birthday to you
266
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:34,767
happy birthday to you
267
00:12:34,987 --> 00:12:37,954
happy birthday
happy birthday
268
00:12:37,990 --> 00:12:40,203
Happy birthday to you
269
00:12:42,123 --> 00:12:44,928
come on now, you got
clemens open in the paint.
270
00:12:44,963 --> 00:12:47,527
Atta-boy, the alley-ooop!
Hoo-hoo-hoo!
271
00:12:48,567 --> 00:12:50,634
Laverne, is it really
necessary to bark?
272
00:12:50,669 --> 00:12:53,956
It's just a game.
Sorry, it won't happen again.
273
00:12:54,189 --> 00:12:56,620
Two more points! Hoo-hoo-hoo!
274
00:12:57,826 --> 00:12:59,582
Well, I'm very happy for you.
275
00:12:59,978 --> 00:13:01,094
Whoa, how 'bout that?
276
00:13:01,129 --> 00:13:02,996
You got called for traveling.
277
00:13:03,031 --> 00:13:04,731
19 seconds left,
278
00:13:04,766 --> 00:13:07,765
and you're still 10 points
behind, how 'bout that?
279
00:13:09,170 --> 00:13:12,303
Except now we're just
seven points down.
280
00:13:12,795 --> 00:13:14,729
Damn, devordnik, you're 7'4",
281
00:13:14,764 --> 00:13:17,074
quit tryin' to dribble,
you're on our side.
282
00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:19,901
They stole it from devordnik!
283
00:13:19,936 --> 00:13:21,402
Another three-pointer.
284
00:13:21,437 --> 00:13:24,029
Give it to devordnik!
Give it to devordnik!
285
00:13:24,107 --> 00:13:26,114
It doesn't matter,
you still gonna lose.
286
00:13:26,509 --> 00:13:28,822
They gave it to devordnik.
287
00:13:29,312 --> 00:13:30,344
Another two points.
288
00:13:30,380 --> 00:13:31,979
Geez, we've got a chance here.
289
00:13:32,015 --> 00:13:34,615
The darn refs
aren't callin' any fouls.
290
00:13:34,651 --> 00:13:36,228
Well, they're too busy
keeping the score
291
00:13:36,252 --> 00:13:38,252
which is now...
Announcer: We're tied!
292
00:13:38,288 --> 00:13:40,946
Tied. Whoo! All right.
293
00:13:41,858 --> 00:13:43,057
Woof! Woof!
294
00:13:43,092 --> 00:13:45,993
Woof! Woof!
295
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,200
Devordnik's dribbling again!
296
00:13:53,236 --> 00:13:54,802
This is too good to be true.
297
00:13:54,837 --> 00:13:57,414
Get the ball to an American!
298
00:13:59,155 --> 00:14:00,354
Another steal!
299
00:14:00,390 --> 00:14:01,889
Go, Robbins, go!
300
00:14:01,925 --> 00:14:03,191
- That's travelin'!
- Go!
301
00:14:03,226 --> 00:14:05,259
- That's chargin'!
- Score!
302
00:14:05,295 --> 00:14:08,196
- That's a...
- That, Laverne, is called...
303
00:14:08,231 --> 00:14:09,197
Announcer: The herons win!
304
00:14:09,232 --> 00:14:10,832
Winning! Winning!
305
00:14:10,867 --> 00:14:14,101
Yes! Yes! Yes!
306
00:14:14,137 --> 00:14:18,540
Your team is to be commended
on such a fine effort.
307
00:14:19,409 --> 00:14:22,316
In your face, Laverne!
308
00:14:23,513 --> 00:14:25,294
In your face!
309
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:27,481
In... your...
- doctor!
310
00:14:27,517 --> 00:14:29,682
Sorry. Face!
311
00:14:30,186 --> 00:14:32,239
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
312
00:14:40,663 --> 00:14:42,008
Two points!
313
00:14:44,587 --> 00:14:46,030
Hey, Harry. How's it going?
314
00:14:46,065 --> 00:14:47,310
Great.
315
00:14:49,636 --> 00:14:50,968
Oh-oh.
316
00:14:51,004 --> 00:14:52,397
Today was the tour?
317
00:14:52,568 --> 00:14:53,912
You got caught, didn't you?
318
00:14:53,940 --> 00:14:54,943
Yeah.
319
00:14:54,974 --> 00:14:56,657
When the captain
figured out who I was,
320
00:14:56,688 --> 00:14:59,147
he put me on shamu duty
for a month.
321
00:15:00,739 --> 00:15:02,398
- Shamu duty?
- Yeah.
322
00:15:02,438 --> 00:15:05,782
I have to announce happy hour
wearing a whale suit.
323
00:15:06,953 --> 00:15:08,764
It's got its upside though.
Every once in a while,
324
00:15:08,788 --> 00:15:11,193
you can trick a gal
into rubbing your blowhole.
325
00:15:15,679 --> 00:15:18,129
So, how did your parents
take the news?
326
00:15:18,164 --> 00:15:19,230
They don't know.
327
00:15:19,232 --> 00:15:20,731
They still think
I'm a great guy.
328
00:15:20,767 --> 00:15:22,962
See? Told you lying works.
329
00:15:23,736 --> 00:15:25,570
Then why do you sound
so miserable?
330
00:15:25,605 --> 00:15:28,039
Because my parents
just don't understand me.
331
00:15:28,074 --> 00:15:29,607
I can't be honest with them.
332
00:15:29,642 --> 00:15:31,709
I can't let them find out
that I'm just the purser.
333
00:15:31,744 --> 00:15:33,811
Charley, before your folks came,
334
00:15:33,847 --> 00:15:35,813
you were okay with
being a purser, weren't you?
335
00:15:35,849 --> 00:15:37,048
I guess.
336
00:15:37,083 --> 00:15:39,550
If you're happy
with who you are,
337
00:15:39,586 --> 00:15:42,153
tell your folks that.
I don't want to.
338
00:15:42,188 --> 00:15:43,988
Right now, they think
I'm better than dieter.
339
00:15:44,023 --> 00:15:46,090
And I want it to stay that way.
340
00:15:46,125 --> 00:15:47,792
Charley,
being a member of a family
341
00:15:47,827 --> 00:15:49,735
is not a competition.
342
00:15:54,430 --> 00:15:56,997
Boy, this place looks
so big on the outside,
343
00:15:57,033 --> 00:15:59,771
yet inside, it's so cozy.
344
00:16:00,970 --> 00:16:03,137
I love this baby.
It's so convenient.
345
00:16:03,172 --> 00:16:05,873
You can do anything you want
without even getting up.
346
00:16:09,278 --> 00:16:10,344
- Oops.
- Oh. Oops.
347
00:16:10,379 --> 00:16:12,613
Whoa. It's okay.
348
00:16:12,648 --> 00:16:14,381
Here you go.
349
00:16:14,417 --> 00:16:16,450
Oh, yeah. Here you go.
350
00:16:16,485 --> 00:16:19,053
- Whew.
- This is...
351
00:16:19,088 --> 00:16:23,891
Okay.
352
00:16:25,795 --> 00:16:27,561
Oh, just give it a good shove.
353
00:16:27,596 --> 00:16:32,501
Whoa.
354
00:16:33,235 --> 00:16:34,835
Carol, you haven't
touched your cake.
355
00:16:34,870 --> 00:16:37,137
I can't, my arms are pinned.
356
00:16:37,173 --> 00:16:39,840
- Here, let me help you.
- Barbara, please.
357
00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:41,608
It's a great meal, folks.
358
00:16:41,644 --> 00:16:44,411
Nothing but the best
for Charley and his friends.
359
00:16:44,447 --> 00:16:46,847
Right, captain?
Don't be so formal, dad.
360
00:16:46,882 --> 00:16:48,015
You don't have to
call me captain.
361
00:16:48,017 --> 00:16:49,194
I'm still the same old Charley.
362
00:16:49,218 --> 00:16:50,818
I think a toast is in order.
363
00:16:50,853 --> 00:16:52,219
- Oh.
- Well, then allow me.
364
00:16:52,237 --> 00:16:53,970
Allow me. Allow me. Yeah.
365
00:16:54,006 --> 00:16:57,974
To families coming together,
building a bond of trust,
366
00:16:58,010 --> 00:17:00,744
and sharing honest emotions
in an honest...
367
00:17:00,779 --> 00:17:03,311
Harry, the champale's
going flat.
368
00:17:03,699 --> 00:17:04,781
Safe trip home.
369
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:05,930
- Hear!
- Okay.
370
00:17:07,519 --> 00:17:09,352
Well, listen, we know you folks
371
00:17:09,388 --> 00:17:12,155
have to get on the road early,
so we should be leaving.
372
00:17:12,190 --> 00:17:14,758
- Okay.
- That's very nice.
373
00:17:14,793 --> 00:17:15,859
Thank you so much.
374
00:17:15,894 --> 00:17:17,945
- Good night.
- Good night.
375
00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:20,625
Yeah. Yeah.
376
00:17:23,002 --> 00:17:25,568
- Well, I should be going too.
- No, Charley, you stay.
377
00:17:25,604 --> 00:17:27,971
You stay. It'll give you folks
a chance to chat alone.
378
00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,806
I mean, I'm sure
there are some things
379
00:17:29,841 --> 00:17:31,174
you haven't discussed.
380
00:17:31,209 --> 00:17:33,093
Oopsie do. Bye.
381
00:17:33,130 --> 00:17:35,011
Besides, you can do the dishes.
382
00:17:35,047 --> 00:17:37,547
You may be a captain,
but you're still a son.
383
00:17:37,582 --> 00:17:39,180
Well, I suppose we'd better
384
00:17:39,199 --> 00:17:40,504
start getting ready
for the trip.
385
00:17:40,535 --> 00:17:43,634
Oh, I have some delicates
drying on the dirt bike.
386
00:17:45,573 --> 00:17:49,008
Must be great having people
pick up after you on the ship.
387
00:17:49,044 --> 00:17:50,610
Yeah. Yeah.
388
00:17:50,645 --> 00:17:52,011
Maybe next time we're in town,
389
00:17:52,047 --> 00:17:55,473
we'll take a cruise with you.
See our son at the helm.
390
00:17:56,716 --> 00:18:00,221
Yeah. Well, dad, about that,
I've got something to say.
391
00:18:00,889 --> 00:18:02,565
I haven't been straight.
392
00:18:02,857 --> 00:18:06,375
I can't go on pretending
being something that I'm not.
393
00:18:07,629 --> 00:18:09,433
I am what I am.
394
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:11,710
You're gay?
395
00:18:13,735 --> 00:18:15,867
No, I'm not gay.
396
00:18:16,871 --> 00:18:18,663
I'm a purser.
397
00:18:19,174 --> 00:18:22,421
You like to dress up
in women's clothes?
398
00:18:23,611 --> 00:18:27,981
No, I'm a purser,
like gopher on love boat.
399
00:18:28,967 --> 00:18:30,733
I'm not the captain.
I'm not dieter.
400
00:18:30,768 --> 00:18:32,001
I'm just me.
401
00:18:32,036 --> 00:18:34,570
Well, Charley, why did you lie?
402
00:18:34,606 --> 00:18:36,405
What were you thinking?
I don't know.
403
00:18:36,441 --> 00:18:38,107
I guess I'm just a nobody.
404
00:18:38,142 --> 00:18:40,993
You're not a nobody... well...
405
00:18:42,380 --> 00:18:44,547
It's... it's... it's okay, Charley.
406
00:18:44,582 --> 00:18:47,034
I know I've let you down.
I know...
407
00:18:48,416 --> 00:18:49,616
Did you say it was okay?
408
00:18:49,651 --> 00:18:51,317
Whatever you are,
you're our son,
409
00:18:51,353 --> 00:18:52,545
and we love you.
410
00:18:52,754 --> 00:18:53,939
You mean that?
411
00:18:54,377 --> 00:18:55,757
I think so.
412
00:18:57,580 --> 00:18:59,072
I think so.
413
00:18:59,382 --> 00:19:01,470
Gee, dad.
414
00:19:04,087 --> 00:19:06,448
Do you know how long I've waited
to hear you say that?
415
00:19:06,483 --> 00:19:09,084
Listen, do me a favor.
Don't tell your mother.
416
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:11,286
She's thrilled
about you being a captain.
417
00:19:11,322 --> 00:19:13,830
Better we keep this
our little secret.
418
00:19:14,325 --> 00:19:16,692
Gee. Dad, you know,
419
00:19:16,727 --> 00:19:20,429
we never went fishing,
or played ball, or anything.
420
00:19:20,464 --> 00:19:22,576
Now we're lying together.
421
00:19:23,467 --> 00:19:25,934
That's what I wanted
my whole life.
422
00:19:25,970 --> 00:19:28,537
Fred, I can't find
your donut pillow.
423
00:19:28,572 --> 00:19:30,706
Oh, I was using it
in the Weston's pool,
424
00:19:30,741 --> 00:19:33,342
I'll get it.
You talk to the captain.
425
00:19:33,377 --> 00:19:38,313
Oh, you know, your friends
are real nice people.
426
00:19:38,349 --> 00:19:39,982
Oh, you've done so well.
427
00:19:40,017 --> 00:19:42,317
I just can't tell you
how proud I am of you.
428
00:19:42,353 --> 00:19:43,652
I know. I know.
429
00:19:43,687 --> 00:19:45,527
I mean, look what you've
done with your life.
430
00:19:45,556 --> 00:19:46,641
Stop it.
431
00:19:47,189 --> 00:19:49,373
I can't go on lying anymore.
432
00:19:49,558 --> 00:19:50,791
I'm not a captain.
433
00:19:50,826 --> 00:19:52,159
What?
434
00:19:52,194 --> 00:19:53,934
I'm a purser.
435
00:19:54,797 --> 00:19:57,397
You like to dress up
in women's clothes?
436
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,168
No, it's my job on the ship.
437
00:20:01,203 --> 00:20:02,402
A really dumb job.
438
00:20:02,438 --> 00:20:05,072
But, why did you lie like this?
439
00:20:05,107 --> 00:20:07,474
- Oh, dieter.
- It's Charley.
440
00:20:07,509 --> 00:20:11,211
Right. Well, maybe
some of this was our fault.
441
00:20:11,213 --> 00:20:14,114
I suppose we have always
kind of favored your brother,
442
00:20:14,149 --> 00:20:16,613
but just because
I can't get your name right
443
00:20:16,652 --> 00:20:19,086
doesn't mean I don't love you.
444
00:20:19,121 --> 00:20:22,503
- Do you mean that?
- I think so.
445
00:20:23,225 --> 00:20:25,640
Oh, mom. That's great.
446
00:20:26,762 --> 00:20:28,695
Let's not tell
your father though.
447
00:20:28,731 --> 00:20:31,465
He's not as understanding
as I am.
448
00:20:31,500 --> 00:20:34,000
- Got it.
- Oh, good.
449
00:20:34,036 --> 00:20:35,202
Well, I should be going.
450
00:20:35,237 --> 00:20:37,671
I'll stop by tomorrow
to say goodbye.
451
00:20:37,706 --> 00:20:39,039
Okay. Okay.
452
00:20:39,074 --> 00:20:41,842
Good night, captain.
Yeah, good night, captain.
453
00:20:41,877 --> 00:20:44,544
- My lips are sealed.
- Mum's the word.
454
00:20:44,580 --> 00:20:46,953
- Right.
- Bye.
455
00:20:48,684 --> 00:20:50,417
I have something to tell you
about Charley.
456
00:20:50,452 --> 00:20:52,252
- Me first.
- Shoot.
457
00:20:52,447 --> 00:20:54,168
- What is it?
- He's a pusher.
458
00:20:58,026 --> 00:20:59,516
Hi, daddy.
459
00:21:10,974 --> 00:21:12,315
Hi, dear.
460
00:21:13,525 --> 00:21:16,210
How many trimesters
since I've seen you?
461
00:21:16,478 --> 00:21:18,378
Daddy, relax.
It's an undercover thing.
462
00:21:18,413 --> 00:21:21,834
You know, I have had
the weirdest cravings all day.
463
00:21:21,877 --> 00:21:23,571
I was thinking about
making a root beer float.
464
00:21:23,595 --> 00:21:24,651
You want one?
465
00:21:24,686 --> 00:21:26,875
Oh, that's very
thoughtful of you, Barbara.
466
00:21:29,694 --> 00:21:31,160
Carol, enough with the clickers,
467
00:21:31,195 --> 00:21:33,480
you look like Carmen Miranda.
468
00:21:34,751 --> 00:21:36,851
Is that a good thing
or a bad thing?
469
00:21:36,886 --> 00:21:38,931
Your experiment is over.
Give me the damn clickers.
470
00:21:38,955 --> 00:21:40,321
Uh-uh. I can't.
471
00:21:40,357 --> 00:21:42,784
- Why?
- Because we're tied.
472
00:21:43,727 --> 00:21:45,159
Honey, even if I tried to decide
473
00:21:45,195 --> 00:21:47,729
who I love more, I couldn't.
You're both my girls.
474
00:21:47,764 --> 00:21:49,625
I mean,
you're my flesh and blood.
475
00:21:49,695 --> 00:21:51,149
You're right, daddy.
476
00:21:51,412 --> 00:21:54,623
I'm sorry.
I have been behaving stupidly.
477
00:21:54,662 --> 00:21:56,415
And when I think of
what a wonderful father
478
00:21:56,450 --> 00:21:57,683
you are to both of us,
479
00:21:57,718 --> 00:22:01,336
I feel blessed just to be
a member of this family.
480
00:22:01,722 --> 00:22:04,456
And I'm blessed to have you
for my daughter.
481
00:22:04,491 --> 00:22:06,325
And I win! Yes!
482
00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:08,794
Ha-ha!
483
00:22:16,153 --> 00:22:18,653
- It's just not the same, sir.
- I know.
484
00:22:18,689 --> 00:22:21,022
It's a shame about the insurance
company not paying off
485
00:22:21,058 --> 00:22:23,692
because the door was unlocked.
486
00:22:25,052 --> 00:22:26,194
God, I'm thirsty.
487
00:22:26,230 --> 00:22:27,968
Where the hell is that idiot?
488
00:22:33,068 --> 00:22:35,203
Here's your virgin
daiquiri, sir.
489
00:22:35,239 --> 00:22:36,671
Thank you, dietz.
490
00:22:36,707 --> 00:22:40,796
Oh, aren't you forgetting
something, captain dietz?
491
00:22:43,881 --> 00:22:45,738
Happy hour. Happy hour.
492
00:22:47,484 --> 00:22:48,950
Happy hour. Happy hour.
493
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:53,550
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