All language subtitles for Empty Nest s04e17 The Return of Aunt Susan.eng

Laverne?

Are you in there?

Laverne?

Uh... uh, sorry, dear,
Mrs. bender,

uh, I'll be right with you.

Just, uh. Just have to
find your file.

Here we go. Here we go...

Bender, Sarah. All right.

Outta my way I'm a-late,
dang burnit!

Morning, doctor.
Laverne, what happened to you?

I don't know what
you're talkin' about.

Excuse me,
I've got coffee to make.

Well, wait, wait, whoa!

Forget the coffee.
What happened to you?

Oh, this? I fell off my roof.

Regular or decaf?

No. No. Never mind that.

What were you doing on the roof?

Well, I's paintin' the eaves.

My landlord, Mr. yevin,

takes a couple of hundred bucks
off the rent.

I do it every year,
and what with you pay me,

I need all the help I can get.

Well, you should be
home resting.

I'll call the agency,
get somebody to fill in.

It is just a broken tibia
and a fractured radius.

No big deal.
Laverne, you're injured.

I want you to go home.

That's why you have sick leave.

Doctor, I have worked for you

for six years, eight month
and three weeks.

How many times
have I called in sick?

- Um...
- None.

I have never missed
a day's work in my life.

My mama and my daddy worked
nearly 50 odd years a piece.

They never missed a day's work.

My grandparents
never missed a day's work,

and my grandma's been sucked
through a combine three times.

The point is, the higby people
do not miss work.

Now, just because
I have a broken leg,

and a fractured radius,

and a little lead poisonin',
does not mean I'm...

upset my ancestral record.
You have lead poisoning too?

Mr. yevin
makes me use old paint,

and when that five-gallon bucket
hit me on the head,

a little dripped in my mouth.

Now, that reminds me,
if I start a-retchin'

and/or convulsin',
just let me be.

They said
it'd stop in a moment or two.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have coffee to make.

I know.

Just think of yourself
in a hot tub.

You've had too much chardonnay.

You took a valium.

You start to slip away,

slowly, peacefully.

It's been a rough life, anyway.

Wandering the ocean floor,
eating the crap off rocks

that other sea life won't touch.

Don't look down.

Barbara!

Please, I feel guilty enough
about this.

Why don't we just take
aunt Susan out to dinner?

My aunt Susan
has been eating out

for the last 20 years,

she should have
a home-cooked meal.

You know, I really like her,
I just wish she'd settle down

so we could see more of her.

And why can't you put out
regular appetizers

like normal human beings?

My hors d'oeuvres
tell a saga, Barbara.

They're my interpretation
of aunt Susan's life story

as told with
very expensive foodstuffs.

You are so weird.

Our story starts out
with the untimely death

of aunt Susan's wealthy,
industrialist husband,

30 years ago.

Oh, that explains
the little cessna

scattered across
the mountain of pate.

Right.

And then we follow her
as she travels the globe,

moving from one philanthropic
deed to the next,

helping refugees,
victims of disaster,

meeting world leader
after world leader.

And what are those
little wieners represent?

The Warren commission.

Aunt Susan was
one of the very first

to call their findings absurd.

Boy, mom and aunt Susan
were different.

I mean, aunt Susan
traveled the world,

and mom was such a homebody.

It's hard to believe
they were sisters.

I've heard the same thing
said about us, Barbara.

You heard it from me, Carol.

Good evening, ladies.

- Hi, daddy.
- Hi.

No aunt Susan yet? Figures.

Carol, look,
this looks marvelous.

Daddy, you just ate a boatload
full of starving Haitians.

There she is.

All right.

How do I look?

Older than me.

It's aunt Susan.

Aunt Susan!

Look at... look at you!

Is there a doctor in the house?

Depends, do you have insurance?

- How the hell are you, Harry?
- Same ole, same ole.

- Oh, good.
- Aunt Susan, you look terrific.

Welcome home.

Oh... oh, I almost forgot.
This is Roberto.

Oh my god, Roberto chulec.

You're the El salvadoran
dissident

who was jailed for seven years.

I am moved, sir.

- Gracias.
- Ah, Carol, that's...

aunt Susan,
all your work paid off.

Roberto chulec is free!

- Ah...
- Carol, he's a cabdriver.

So?

Lech walesa was an electrician.

God, you are such snob, Barbara.

This man captured
the hearts of his nation,

no, the world, when he stood up
to the dictatorial regime

and said... what was it you said?

Where
do you want your bags, lady?

But, my biggest thrill

was when I was on stage
with Paul McCartney

at the amnesty
international concert,

and I got a standing ovation.

A standing ovation?

Yeah, I pulled the plug
on Linda McCartney's mic

in the middle of hey Jude.

Oh, you have met
some great people.

I bet you've met
some really fascinating men.

Well, there have been a few
along the way

since Albert passed on,
but my work keeps me very busy.

Takes a very understanding
man to date your aunt Susan.

I mean, she never knows
when some lizard

is going to call up saying
he's about to become extinct.

Very funny, Harry.

I'll put the coffee on.

Maybe living with
your uncle Albert spoiled me,

but I think most men
are just like children.

Hi, there.

You must be aunt Susan.

I'm Charles dietz.

Oh, don't worry about that,
that's just a little blistex.

I got this sore on my lip.

Charley, you weren't invited.

Go home.

Delicious.

What are these? Can't you tell?

Those are victims of the worst
earthquake in Armenia.

Tastes like chicken.

You know, you and I
have a lot in common.

I'm a world traveler,
you're a world traveler.

You've devoted your life
to charity.

I'm involved with a charity

for the advancement
of little people.

The advancement
of little people?

Yeah. Dwarf tossing.

I'm the guest of honor
down at o'Riley's.

I get to throw out
the first dwarf.

It's for charity.
That's charity?

Sure.

The money goes to patch
the little fellas up.

God, it feels good to give.

Well, you're
pretty good at this.

Yeah. Well, we've got a system.

Carol cooks, I scrape.

Barbara loads the dishwasher
and dreyfuss...

what's the matter, Harry?

Nothing. Nothing's the matter.

What makes you think
something's the matter?

Well, you haven't said
two words to me all evening.

What's bothering you, Harry?

Where the hell
have you been, Susan?

What?

You traipse in here
after eight years

as if it were yesterday?
You want me to leave?

No. No, I don't want you to go.

Why didn't you come
to Libby's funeral?

Harry, I told you,

I was tied to a tree
in the Amazon.

You tied yourself
to the tree, Susan.

The rain forest
could have waited for you

to bury your sister.

I know, you're right.

I just couldn't deal with it.

I can't deal with it now.

I... i... i can't believe it's real.

It's not real to me.

We're family.

We're here to help each other
through those rough times.

You're part of this family,
Susan,

and we've missed you.
I've missed you too Harry.

That's why I'm here.

I guess I've been away too long.

Come here.

We're glad you finally
came home, dear.

You know, you should know

that Libby was very, very proud
of her little sister.

Sometimes
I think she envied you.

Sometimes I envied her.

- Oh.
- Oh, good.

You guys are still up.

I just wanted to let you know

that your words
had a profound effect upon me.

I did not go
to the dwarf tossing contest.

You were right.
It was cheap, degrading,

and totally insensitive.

Well, I'm glad to hear that.

So I picked up
a couple of fat babes,

got 'em dru...

I just wanted to say good night.

Oh, good night, honey.

- Are you still working?
- Ah.

This is your vacation.
You should be relaxing.

I know, but if I'm not
doing something,

I just go crazy.

I can't stop fidgeting.
Drives everyone nuts.

Mother Teresa
once tried to punch me out.

Have you ever tried those
subliminal relaxation tapes?

I use them every night
to go to sleep.

Do you still have
trouble sleeping?

Yes.

I remember when
you were a little girl.

You would lie awake all night

and be afraid that
there'd be a man in your room.

Yeah.

Now, I lie awake
wondering why there isn't one.

Listen,
your father was telling me

about this hunger project.

It's called
the Miami food exchange.

- Yeah.
- We set up booths

around those places where
people buy food by the case,

that way they're inclined
to give more

since they already have so much.

Our food donations went up 29%.

Hmm! It's amazing.

What?

You know who you remind me of?

Please, don't say
emo Philips with breasts.

It's just...

I was thinking of someone
more in the immediate family.

Oh, yeah. My mother.

People say it's the eyes.

No, Barbara reminds me
of your mother.

You remind me of me.

- I do?
- Yes.

Carol, are you happy
with your life?

Well, I'm down to twice a week
with Dr. Grossman,

if that's what you mean.

I mean, you do
all these wonderful things.

You care about the earth,
you care about people,

maybe you'd be happier
if you could do

all these lovely things
on a grander scale.

What do you mean?

I want you to come
and work for me.

- I could use you.
- Me?

Well, what could I do?

I mean, I wouldn't know
how to act

around all those famous people.

Well, that's what I thought,
when I first started.

I thought, what could I
possibly have to offer?

But one person
can make a difference.

If it's the right person.

And you think
I'm the right person?

I know you're the right person.

Oh, aunt Susan. Oh.

I'll never get to sleep tonight.
Of course, I'll come.

I've been called.

I will serve.

That's nice, dear.

I will not rest
until every mouth is fed,

till every tear is wiped,
till every wound is healed.

- Good.
- I will raise my sword

to fight world hunger,

and my staff
shall quell injustice

until there is an end
to all world suffering.

Where do I start?

Why don't you start
with a vow of silence?

Owee, daddy! Owee!

Honey, that was a cotton swab.

I haven't even...

I haven't even given you
the shot yet.

How many injections
to I have to get?

Eight.

Oh, let me give her six.

No, no, Barbara,
I'm giving her the injections.

You're just here to torment her.

And you're doing
a very good job.

Are all these shots
really necessary, daddy?

Honey, you're going to Africa.

Have you ever seen
an African mosquito?

They're this big.
Maybe they'll carry you away.

- Stop it.
- Oh, that reminds me.

Laverne. Laverne.

Where are those
malaria pills I ordered?

Keep your smock on.

Ow! How many more, daddy?

Listen. Honey,
it's gonna be worth it.

You're gonna be
able to see the whole world,

and Susan'll get a chance
to know you better.

It's gonna be good
for the two of you.

Hey, daddy, let me give her
the big shot

with the humongous needle.

Barbara, wait in the car.

But, she hasn't even cried yet.

Barbara.

Get out!

Ow!

How long do you think
you'll be gone?

Aunt Susan says
at least six months.

Oh.

Oh, what?

Oh, what?

I'm gonna miss you.

Now, daddy, I'm not
your little girl anymore.

Good, then that will be
$475 for the shots.

Oh, daddy I love you so much.

And I promise, rain, shine,
famine, or pestilence,

I will write you every day.

Oh, god, this is so exciting.
I am so lucky.

I mean, who would
have ever thought

I would get to see
pestilence firsthand?

Oh, I'm gonna miss you so much.

What am I gonna do without you?

I wonder if my hair will turn
back to its original color?

Ah, you're such...
Don't... don't cry, Carol.

Carol, you don't leave
for two days.

Daddy, it's not that.

You're squeezing my arm.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Laverne.

Laverne, what's keeping you?

Laverne?

Hi.

That's it, Laverne.
No more discussion.

I'm driving you home right now.

Well, that's easier said
than done.

My butt's stuck
in a puddle of cough syrup.

Hey, aunt Susan.

Oh, hi, sweetheart.

Oh, I can't believe
you're all grown up,

and you are a police officer.

Yeah. I usually work undercover.

You know, in many societies,

prostitution
is not only tolerated,

it's thought of
as an honorable profession.

Oh, no.
I'm not going to work now.

I'm going to meet
a friend for a drink.

Oh. Oh.

You know, it is a little
chilly out tonight.

I think I will change.

I thought you weren't
working tonight.

Shut up!

I have had
the most traumatic day.

I've been to
four banana republics,

not one of them
has a pith helmet.

Well, I have a spare one.
It was marlin perkin's.

We spent an evening together

while Jim was off
wrestling a croc.

I am so glad you're here,
aunt Susan.

You know, after mom died,
I felt so lost.

I guess I just missed
talking to her most of all.

I can't tell you
how much I'm looking forward

to this time with you.

Right. Right.

Well, first... first, we've got
that food airlift to Kenya,

and then it's off to distribute
powdered milk to Tanzania.

And while the two of us

are trudging
the plains of the serengeti,

we'll finally get a chance
to get to know each other.

You know, Carol,
we're going to be working

so hard and so many long hours,

we're not going to have
much time for all that.

Well, we'll make the time.

I mean, this trip
is not about us bonding.

It's about us helping people.

Well, why can't it be
about both?

Why did you ask me
on this trip, aunt Susan?

Because I need
someone like you to help me.

Someone like me, or me?

Come on, Carol.

Let's, you know, just drop it.

No, I don't want to drop it.

What is it you want from me?

Well, guess I want to know
that I'm not just a hired hand.

I'm your family, and I love you.

Don't you love me?

Or, are you just
not able to show it?

Carol, I've spent my life
showing my love for people...

I know. Thousands of people,
and that's great.

But, when it comes down
to loving just one,

I think it scares
the hell out of you.

Well, I was wrong.
I was wrong about you.

You're not like me at all.

You're just like your mother.

And
I miss your mother very much.

Oh, god. She makes everyone cry.

Good morning, aunt Susan.

Aunt Susan?

Morning, baby.

No breakfast for me,
I got to break in a temp nurse.

What's the matter?

"My dearest Carol,

"urgent matters
have called me away.

"There was truly no time
for long good-byes.

"We'll have to postpone
our work in Kenya

"for the time being.

"Tell Harry and Barbara
I appreciate their hospitality.

"I hope this check
will find its way

"to good use for your
Miami food exchange.

I'll be in touch.
Love, aunt Susan."

Well, $5,000.

She freaked out.

I thought I got to her
last night.

I thought I turned her around.

Honey, you can't
turn a lifetime around

in one night.

The way your aunt lives,
that's the way she wants it.

I wanted so much
for her to love me.

Baby, she does love you.

As much as
she could love anybody.

Maybe more.

It just seems so sad.

Yeah, in a way, it is.

I am so sorry about your plans.

I know how disappointed
you must be.

Anything I can do for you?

Just tell me that you love me.

- I love you.
- Oh, I love you too, daddy.

I love my baby.

- Oh.
- Oh, god!

She's staying.

Are you Dr. Weston?

Yes.
You must be from the agency.

We have a slight problem.

Morning, doctor.

- Laverne?
- No, it's Willard Scott.

Of course, it's me.

Laverne, what did you...
How did you...

well, let's just say I was up
till 5:30 this morning,

and I owe Jeff over at
the cable company a big favor.

And I wasn't about to let you
stand in the way

of the higby record.

Now, first of all, you're late.

And second of all, this...

Nurse hadn't done dag-gum thing
I told her to do.

Let me warn you
I had physically removed

the on/off switch
from the monitor.

And I've exposed a few
bare wires near the plug

should anyone try to
disrupt this transmission.

Boy, she's scary.

You're damn straight, missy.

Now, first of all, you got
the rosenthal boy at 8:30.

His mama's worried 'cause
he swallowed the head of a mop.

Hey. Who turned the lights off?

What's a-goin' on? Hey!

Life is good.

Hey? Hey?

What are you doing?

What you lookin' at, boy?

This is a place of business,
not a saloon.

Give me the bottle.

I said, now!

She's baaack.

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