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1
00:00:01,902 --> 00:00:04,904
I dated this girl once.
She had a fetish for doctors.
2
00:00:04,905 --> 00:00:07,536
She had creative ideas
for tongue depressors.
3
00:00:07,537 --> 00:00:09,205
Doctor, please.
4
00:00:09,206 --> 00:00:11,507
This is a pg-13 locker room.
5
00:00:11,508 --> 00:00:14,410
Come on, guys. I'm not gonna go
home and play with my train set.
6
00:00:14,411 --> 00:00:16,545
Howser's got his own place now.
7
00:00:16,546 --> 00:00:18,904
I heard he's doing rounds
with nurse Faber.
8
00:00:18,905 --> 00:00:21,817
No way.
She's too much woman for him.
9
00:00:21,818 --> 00:00:24,286
She's coming to my place tonight
for dinner.
10
00:00:24,287 --> 00:00:26,689
- I'm cooking.
- Cooking?
11
00:00:26,690 --> 00:00:30,901
If you don't mess up completely... even
if you do, they are putty in your hands.
12
00:00:30,902 --> 00:00:32,900
- What are you making?
- Pasta.
13
00:00:32,901 --> 00:00:34,903
- Cream sauce?
- I don't know yet.
14
00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:37,733
Could be cream sauce.
Could be puttanesca.
15
00:00:37,734 --> 00:00:40,905
Puttanesca on the first date.
16
00:00:40,906 --> 00:00:42,271
Actually, it's our third.
17
00:00:42,272 --> 00:00:43,706
- Three dates?
- Yeah.
18
00:00:43,707 --> 00:00:45,908
When did this happen?
Why haven't I been informed?
19
00:00:45,909 --> 00:00:48,844
- It's only been a couple weeks.
- Uh-oh.
20
00:00:48,845 --> 00:00:50,903
- Crunch time.
- No kidding.
21
00:00:50,904 --> 00:00:53,901
If you haven't docked by
the third date, abandon ship.
22
00:00:53,902 --> 00:00:55,907
So, doctor, are you ready
to put to sea?
23
00:00:55,908 --> 00:00:58,754
Is your hull scrubbed?
Is your spar upright?
24
00:00:58,755 --> 00:01:01,291
Aye, aye, captain.
25
00:02:02,786 --> 00:02:05,489
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
26
00:02:40,423 --> 00:02:42,559
Hi. Michele, hi.
27
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:44,393
Wow.
28
00:02:44,394 --> 00:02:46,901
Let me take your blouse...
Uh, your coat.
29
00:02:46,902 --> 00:02:48,909
Uh, blouse-coat. Hi.
30
00:04:00,038 --> 00:04:01,138
It's incredible.
31
00:04:01,139 --> 00:04:02,407
You spend all day
32
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:04,408
healing the sick, saving lives.
33
00:04:04,409 --> 00:04:06,110
Then you come home
34
00:04:06,111 --> 00:04:08,112
and cook penne pasta puttanesca.
35
00:04:08,113 --> 00:04:10,981
I try to stay three-dimensional.
36
00:04:10,982 --> 00:04:13,404
I'm working
on a fourth dimension.
37
00:04:13,405 --> 00:04:15,152
Wow.
38
00:04:15,153 --> 00:04:17,021
And you're funny, too.
39
00:04:21,410 --> 00:04:24,762
What, do I have
schmutz on my cheek?
40
00:04:24,763 --> 00:04:25,763
Yeah. Right...
41
00:04:25,764 --> 00:04:27,231
Oh. I'm sorry.
42
00:04:27,232 --> 00:04:29,405
I'm the world's messiest eater.
43
00:04:39,401 --> 00:04:41,879
- What are you doing?
- What?
44
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,403
I feel like you're
putting a move on me.
45
00:04:45,404 --> 00:04:47,050
Really?
46
00:04:47,051 --> 00:04:49,753
Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
47
00:04:49,754 --> 00:04:50,754
Yeah.
48
00:04:50,755 --> 00:04:52,089
Mmm.
49
00:04:52,090 --> 00:04:53,406
Oh, but some men...
50
00:04:53,407 --> 00:04:54,406
Ohh.
51
00:04:54,407 --> 00:04:57,405
I invited this guy in
for coffee once.
52
00:04:57,406 --> 00:05:00,364
I go into the kitchen
for half-and-half.
53
00:05:00,365 --> 00:05:01,765
When I come back,
54
00:05:01,766 --> 00:05:03,407
this jerk is standing there
55
00:05:03,408 --> 00:05:05,904
in my living room
completely naked.
56
00:05:08,339 --> 00:05:10,040
What a pig.
57
00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:11,842
Yeah, I hate that,
58
00:05:11,843 --> 00:05:14,211
you know, when a guy tries
to get you into bed
59
00:05:14,212 --> 00:05:16,213
on the second or third date.
60
00:05:16,214 --> 00:05:17,881
There seems to be some rule.
61
00:05:17,882 --> 00:05:21,408
By the third date,
it's fish or cut bait.
62
00:05:21,409 --> 00:05:23,887
Ha! Men!
63
00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:25,756
Yeah.
64
00:05:25,757 --> 00:05:28,258
I know exactly
what you're saying,
65
00:05:28,259 --> 00:05:31,261
'cause there are some
guys at the hospital,
66
00:05:31,262 --> 00:05:34,097
they treat women like conquests,
67
00:05:34,098 --> 00:05:36,801
like... like sexual trophies.
68
00:05:39,409 --> 00:05:40,938
So...
69
00:05:40,939 --> 00:05:42,707
Want to play monopoly?
70
00:05:47,045 --> 00:05:50,401
That movie said women don't
know what they want,
71
00:05:50,402 --> 00:05:52,749
so what hope do men have?
72
00:05:52,750 --> 00:05:55,219
Who needs movies?
We're living it.
73
00:05:55,220 --> 00:05:58,055
Men and women don't
want different things.
74
00:05:58,056 --> 00:06:00,991
They just have different
means of getting it.
75
00:06:00,992 --> 00:06:02,826
Women are driven by feeling.
76
00:06:02,827 --> 00:06:04,407
Men are driven by action.
77
00:06:04,408 --> 00:06:07,402
Mark is one of the
few students here
78
00:06:07,403 --> 00:06:09,402
who isn't a complete hemorrhoid.
79
00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:12,302
Thanks, Vinnie. Knowing I'm
only a partial hemorrhoid
80
00:06:12,303 --> 00:06:14,204
makes me flush with pride.
81
00:06:14,205 --> 00:06:18,407
Let me get my wallet
and treat you to pizza.
82
00:06:20,406 --> 00:06:22,012
I don't believe it.
83
00:06:22,013 --> 00:06:25,316
Now he's parked
his scooter in here!
84
00:06:27,151 --> 00:06:29,320
Glauberman, you scum!
85
00:06:31,856 --> 00:06:33,223
You're worse than scum.
86
00:06:33,224 --> 00:06:36,409
You're the carbuncle on
the backside of humanity.
87
00:06:36,410 --> 00:06:38,795
Love you, too, delpino.
88
00:06:38,796 --> 00:06:40,406
He's flossing.
89
00:06:41,799 --> 00:06:43,166
It's disgusting.
90
00:06:43,167 --> 00:06:45,408
Now, there's nothing
wrong with flossing.
91
00:06:45,409 --> 00:06:48,171
There is when
you have to investigate
92
00:06:48,172 --> 00:06:49,408
what you dig out.
93
00:06:49,409 --> 00:06:53,043
If it's really choice,
he shows it to me.
94
00:06:53,044 --> 00:06:55,012
I can't take him anymore.
95
00:06:55,013 --> 00:06:56,404
My roommate's transferring.
96
00:06:56,405 --> 00:06:59,406
If you want, you can move in.
97
00:06:59,407 --> 00:07:00,408
Seriously?
98
00:07:00,409 --> 00:07:02,786
He'll be out by Friday.
99
00:07:02,787 --> 00:07:04,405
I love this guy!
100
00:07:04,406 --> 00:07:06,409
I love you, too, Vinnie.
101
00:07:08,359 --> 00:07:09,827
So... Dinner?
102
00:07:13,407 --> 00:07:15,999
Abdominal tap was negative.
103
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,403
Bowel sounds are good.
104
00:07:17,404 --> 00:07:19,403
We'll check these x-rays.
105
00:07:19,404 --> 00:07:20,404
Hi, doogie.
106
00:07:20,405 --> 00:07:21,739
Hi, Michele.
107
00:07:23,942 --> 00:07:26,400
Nurse Faber looks
rather lovely today.
108
00:07:26,401 --> 00:07:27,844
Kind of a glow,
109
00:07:27,845 --> 00:07:29,346
wouldn't you say, bill?
110
00:07:29,347 --> 00:07:32,316
I thought she was
positively emanating, les.
111
00:07:32,317 --> 00:07:36,987
And Dr. howser looks
absolutely incandescent.
112
00:07:36,988 --> 00:07:37,988
Mm-hmm.
113
00:07:37,989 --> 00:07:39,289
Come on, guys.
114
00:07:39,290 --> 00:07:40,857
No free air.
Everything's normal.
115
00:07:40,858 --> 00:07:43,060
Hmm. Changing the subject.
116
00:07:43,061 --> 00:07:44,962
That doesn't bode well.
117
00:07:44,963 --> 00:07:46,402
It was fine.
118
00:07:46,403 --> 00:07:48,401
We had a really nice date.
119
00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:49,406
Nice.
120
00:07:49,407 --> 00:07:52,407
It was great.
We had a great time.
121
00:07:52,408 --> 00:07:54,104
I cooked her dinner.
122
00:07:54,105 --> 00:07:55,406
She loved the pasta.
123
00:07:55,407 --> 00:07:58,402
We laughed. We talked
for hours. It was...
124
00:07:58,403 --> 00:07:59,404
Struck out.
125
00:07:59,405 --> 00:08:02,713
Told you she was
too much woman for him.
126
00:08:02,714 --> 00:08:04,181
I didn't say that.
127
00:08:04,182 --> 00:08:06,049
Well, what are you saying?
128
00:08:06,050 --> 00:08:10,409
I'm not a guy who needs to
brag about his conquests.
129
00:08:10,410 --> 00:08:12,407
Conquests? As in conquests?
130
00:08:12,408 --> 00:08:14,405
Let's just say
131
00:08:14,406 --> 00:08:17,094
a man who is secure
in his accomplishments
132
00:08:17,095 --> 00:08:19,403
doesn't have to talk about them.
133
00:08:19,404 --> 00:08:21,401
Secure in his accomplishments!
134
00:08:21,402 --> 00:08:24,102
All right! Way to go, howser!
135
00:08:24,836 --> 00:08:26,270
Yeah!
136
00:08:27,402 --> 00:08:29,907
You studly man!
137
00:08:31,405 --> 00:08:34,344
Ooh! I do not believe this.
138
00:08:34,345 --> 00:08:37,347
Genius. Graduated
from Princeton at 10.
139
00:08:37,348 --> 00:08:39,349
Youngest doctor
in the United States.
140
00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:42,119
Articles published in dozens
of medical journals.
141
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:43,406
And what does he need
142
00:08:43,407 --> 00:08:45,406
to feel he's
an accomplished man?
143
00:08:45,407 --> 00:08:48,125
The myth that
he plunked me one night.
144
00:08:48,126 --> 00:08:49,406
What's with men?
145
00:08:49,407 --> 00:08:51,061
Is it the ego thing?
146
00:08:51,062 --> 00:08:53,406
Of course. They're
walking ego things.
147
00:08:53,407 --> 00:08:55,966
Actually, it's the ID thing...
148
00:08:55,967 --> 00:08:59,202
The dark, scummy side
of every man's soul,
149
00:08:59,203 --> 00:09:00,771
presupposing they have souls.
150
00:09:00,772 --> 00:09:02,406
Shh. Here he comes.
151
00:09:04,175 --> 00:09:05,275
Ladies.
152
00:09:05,276 --> 00:09:07,401
Hello. Doctor. Hi, doctor.
153
00:09:09,113 --> 00:09:10,406
What a toad.
154
00:09:10,407 --> 00:09:14,402
Just look at him.
He's actually swaggering.
155
00:09:14,403 --> 00:09:15,986
Ugh! It's pathetic.
156
00:09:15,987 --> 00:09:18,404
You should go and confront him.
157
00:09:18,405 --> 00:09:19,405
Yeah.
158
00:09:19,406 --> 00:09:20,991
I could do that...
159
00:09:20,992 --> 00:09:22,993
Not stoop to his level,
160
00:09:22,994 --> 00:09:25,797
deal with him like an adult.
161
00:09:26,405 --> 00:09:28,132
Nah.
162
00:09:39,405 --> 00:09:42,746
Whoa. I've died
and gone to heaven.
163
00:09:42,747 --> 00:09:45,400
If there's anything
you don't like,
164
00:09:45,401 --> 00:09:46,850
you can move it.
165
00:09:46,851 --> 00:09:49,853
What's not to like?
It couldn't be better.
166
00:09:49,854 --> 00:09:52,222
Oh. I stand corrected.
167
00:09:52,223 --> 00:09:54,191
Hi, Becky.
168
00:09:54,192 --> 00:09:56,193
How was your genre test?
169
00:09:56,194 --> 00:09:58,195
Easy, thanks to your notes.
170
00:09:58,196 --> 00:10:00,197
Meet my new roommate Vinnie.
171
00:10:00,198 --> 00:10:03,200
Becky is majoring in
getting a film degree
172
00:10:03,201 --> 00:10:05,936
without ever actually
attending a class.
173
00:10:05,937 --> 00:10:08,905
Speaking of which,
I need a teeny favor.
174
00:10:08,906 --> 00:10:10,401
Don't tell me. Fellini?
175
00:10:10,402 --> 00:10:13,276
I can't keep those
dream sequences straight.
176
00:10:13,277 --> 00:10:15,409
You know where my notes are.
177
00:10:15,410 --> 00:10:17,406
I'll grab that last box.
178
00:10:17,407 --> 00:10:19,016
O.K.
179
00:10:21,953 --> 00:10:23,720
So, uh...
180
00:10:23,721 --> 00:10:25,222
You like fellini?
181
00:10:25,223 --> 00:10:26,857
No. I hate him.
182
00:10:26,858 --> 00:10:29,405
I'm more of a kurosawa fan.
183
00:10:29,406 --> 00:10:30,727
Oh, really?
184
00:10:30,728 --> 00:10:32,896
I love kurosawa.
185
00:10:32,897 --> 00:10:34,403
As a matter of fact,
186
00:10:34,404 --> 00:10:37,234
I'm going to a kurosawa
festival this weekend.
187
00:10:37,235 --> 00:10:38,702
Is that an invitation?
188
00:10:38,703 --> 00:10:41,400
'Cause... I'd love to go.
189
00:10:41,401 --> 00:10:44,405
Well, I appreciate
your being charmed
190
00:10:44,406 --> 00:10:47,344
at my love
for the Japanese cinema.
191
00:10:47,345 --> 00:10:48,745
I don't want to create
192
00:10:48,746 --> 00:10:50,714
any friction
between you and mark.
193
00:10:50,715 --> 00:10:53,049
- Me and mark?
- Yeah.
194
00:10:53,050 --> 00:10:54,402
Oh, we're not dating.
195
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:56,219
Oh, you're not?
196
00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,356
No. Mark's gay.
197
00:11:01,058 --> 00:11:05,328
You mean, like he's got
a happy disposition?
198
00:11:05,329 --> 00:11:06,897
Ha ha ha ha.
199
00:11:06,898 --> 00:11:08,400
Ha ha ha ha.
200
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:09,900
You are funny.
201
00:11:09,901 --> 00:11:11,169
Oh, god.
202
00:11:17,108 --> 00:11:18,408
Oh, god.
203
00:11:18,409 --> 00:11:19,844
Oh, god!
204
00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:22,909
We live in the desert.
205
00:11:22,910 --> 00:11:24,683
There's a water shortage.
206
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:27,908
Doog, this shower has to
last me all week.
207
00:11:27,909 --> 00:11:30,909
I ain't taking my clothes
off in that room.
208
00:11:30,910 --> 00:11:34,693
I didn't sleep a wink
all last night.
209
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,902
Every time I closed my eyes,
210
00:11:36,903 --> 00:11:40,699
I kept seeing a remake
of la cage aux folles,
211
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,908
starring me in something
with feathers.
212
00:11:42,909 --> 00:11:43,908
Vinnie.
213
00:11:43,909 --> 00:11:45,909
I didn't know he was gay.
214
00:11:45,910 --> 00:11:47,639
Did you know?
215
00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:51,710
He's probably not the only guy
in your school who's gay.
216
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:55,246
He's the only person
in my room who's gay.
217
00:11:55,247 --> 00:11:57,348
Well, does he have...
218
00:11:57,349 --> 00:11:59,384
You know, a significant other?
219
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:01,419
Yeah.
220
00:12:01,420 --> 00:12:02,901
He's in love with me.
221
00:12:02,902 --> 00:12:04,589
Let's not mince words.
222
00:12:04,590 --> 00:12:05,724
You're kidding.
223
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,904
He said he loved me.
224
00:12:08,905 --> 00:12:10,296
You heard him.
225
00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:12,906
That's right.
226
00:12:12,907 --> 00:12:14,900
Of course...
227
00:12:14,901 --> 00:12:17,906
You did say you were
in love with him first.
228
00:12:17,907 --> 00:12:18,906
I did?
229
00:12:18,907 --> 00:12:21,339
Oh, my god, I led him on.
230
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:23,576
I'm a tease.
231
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:28,905
This isn't funny!
He asked me to shack up.
232
00:12:28,906 --> 00:12:31,906
Well, Vinnie, if you're
really worried about it,
233
00:12:31,907 --> 00:12:35,553
why don't you talk to him?
234
00:12:35,554 --> 00:12:37,908
No, no way. What do I say?
235
00:12:37,909 --> 00:12:40,908
Say you think
he's a really nice guy,
236
00:12:40,909 --> 00:12:42,660
but you're saving yourself
237
00:12:42,661 --> 00:12:43,909
for someone with mammaries.
238
00:12:43,910 --> 00:12:45,909
Unless...
239
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:48,434
Unless what?
240
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,769
Mark's a very perceptive guy.
241
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:53,772
Maybe he sensed
some instinct in you
242
00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:57,907
that you've yet to
recognize in yourself.
243
00:12:57,908 --> 00:12:59,578
Kidding. Ow.
244
00:13:02,548 --> 00:13:03,682
Hello, Dr. harbinson.
245
00:13:05,902 --> 00:13:07,902
How's the urology business?
246
00:13:07,903 --> 00:13:09,902
Up and down, I guess.
247
00:13:09,903 --> 00:13:11,256
Ohh.
248
00:13:11,257 --> 00:13:12,690
One of the most
frustrating aspects
249
00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:14,259
is how many people we can help
250
00:13:14,260 --> 00:13:15,908
if they could get over
their embarrassment
251
00:13:15,909 --> 00:13:17,495
and come forward.
252
00:13:17,496 --> 00:13:19,864
Yeah. I assume.
253
00:13:19,865 --> 00:13:21,906
Nothing to be
ashamed of. Really.
254
00:13:21,907 --> 00:13:24,235
Absolutely not.
255
00:13:24,236 --> 00:13:25,804
Over 90% of men have
a sexual dysfunction
256
00:13:25,805 --> 00:13:29,407
at some time in their lives.
257
00:13:29,408 --> 00:13:30,909
I can help you, son.
258
00:13:32,845 --> 00:13:33,910
My private number.
259
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:52,630
So, who's in the mood
for an aortic aneurysm?
260
00:13:52,631 --> 00:13:54,900
Uh, you know, doogie,
261
00:13:54,901 --> 00:13:56,334
before my wedding night,
262
00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:59,370
I never had a problem
with, uh...
263
00:13:59,371 --> 00:14:00,471
Anything.
264
00:14:00,472 --> 00:14:01,902
But that night,
265
00:14:01,903 --> 00:14:05,476
I don't know if it was
the champagne or nerves...
266
00:14:05,477 --> 00:14:07,907
I just couldn't...
267
00:14:07,908 --> 00:14:09,414
Perform.
268
00:14:09,415 --> 00:14:11,583
You know what I mean?
269
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:13,852
I'm sorry to hear that, Ron.
270
00:14:13,853 --> 00:14:15,906
Um...
271
00:14:15,907 --> 00:14:17,902
I just got this
urologist's number.
272
00:14:17,903 --> 00:14:19,424
Doogie.
273
00:14:19,425 --> 00:14:20,908
There's no need
to hide anything.
274
00:14:20,909 --> 00:14:22,360
We're your friends.
275
00:14:22,361 --> 00:14:24,662
Nobody will ridicule you.
We're brothers.
276
00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:26,698
What are you talking about?
277
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,700
You're impotent.
278
00:14:28,701 --> 00:14:31,369
I heard he was too quick
out of the gate.
279
00:14:31,370 --> 00:14:34,902
I heard it was an all-around
sexual identity problem.
280
00:14:34,903 --> 00:14:36,507
Doogie, which is it?
281
00:14:36,508 --> 00:14:37,904
Well, it's not... none!
282
00:14:37,905 --> 00:14:39,900
I'm not impotent.
283
00:14:39,901 --> 00:14:41,846
I have no sexual
dysfunction whatsoever.
284
00:14:41,847 --> 00:14:43,481
Don't do this, man.
285
00:14:43,482 --> 00:14:45,483
Don't retreat into denial.
286
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:48,621
Okay, we're at five minutes.
Let's scrub, gentlemen.
287
00:14:50,623 --> 00:14:53,906
- Are you all right?
- I'm fine. Thank you.
288
00:14:53,907 --> 00:14:57,904
Son, incontinence is not
a life sentence.
289
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:05,907
Hi, speedy.
290
00:15:16,904 --> 00:15:20,905
Nurse Faber, could I speak
with you for a minute, please?
291
00:15:20,906 --> 00:15:22,521
Certainly, doctor.
292
00:15:30,909 --> 00:15:33,264
You have completely
humiliated me.
293
00:15:33,265 --> 00:15:35,908
You spread malicious
rumors to my colleagues.
294
00:15:35,909 --> 00:15:37,908
These are people I work with.
295
00:15:37,909 --> 00:15:40,638
Well, I would think that someone
296
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:43,641
who's so secure
in his accomplishments
297
00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:46,903
wouldn't particularly care what
other people say about him.
298
00:15:47,910 --> 00:15:50,900
I didn't say anything specific.
299
00:15:50,901 --> 00:15:53,251
Well, that's just the problem.
300
00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:54,904
O.K., look,
301
00:15:54,905 --> 00:15:59,691
even if I did mislead
people inadvertently...
302
00:15:59,692 --> 00:16:01,559
O... o.K., advertently...
303
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:04,696
At least I painted you
in a positive light.
304
00:16:04,697 --> 00:16:07,865
I guess I should thank you,
305
00:16:07,866 --> 00:16:10,435
even if I am a little confused
306
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:11,905
as to how sleeping with you
307
00:16:11,906 --> 00:16:14,473
paints me in a positive light.
308
00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:16,905
Look,
309
00:16:16,906 --> 00:16:18,476
nothing I do
310
00:16:18,477 --> 00:16:21,512
will stop this adolescent
locker room talk.
311
00:16:21,513 --> 00:16:23,903
It's not like
it'll ruin my life.
312
00:16:23,904 --> 00:16:24,906
I'm just...
313
00:16:24,907 --> 00:16:27,685
Disappointed.
314
00:16:27,686 --> 00:16:30,489
Thought I was a better
judge of character.
315
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,334
To find her operation.
316
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,908
Come look at this old
western they've colorized.
317
00:16:45,909 --> 00:16:49,674
The Duke's face looks like
the color of smoked salmon.
318
00:16:49,675 --> 00:16:51,709
I'm not falling for that.
319
00:16:51,710 --> 00:16:52,678
What?
320
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:55,513
You're going to make me say it?
321
00:16:55,514 --> 00:16:57,648
Uh, say what?
322
00:16:57,649 --> 00:17:00,905
I know you're in love with me.
323
00:17:00,906 --> 00:17:02,553
I know you're gay.
324
00:17:02,554 --> 00:17:04,423
Don't deny it.
325
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,762
I won't deny I'm gay,
326
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,909
but I take exception
to the notion
327
00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:14,465
that I'm in love with you.
328
00:17:14,466 --> 00:17:15,900
Why?
329
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,335
You're a great guy,
330
00:17:17,336 --> 00:17:19,704
but I'm not attracted to you.
331
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,706
But you said you loved me.
332
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:22,909
As a friend.
333
00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:25,443
I'm not physically
attracted to you.
334
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:27,445
You're not?
335
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:29,900
Is it my height?
336
00:17:29,901 --> 00:17:30,904
What?
337
00:17:30,905 --> 00:17:32,907
Am I too short?
338
00:17:32,908 --> 00:17:34,906
This is getting really weird.
339
00:17:34,907 --> 00:17:36,621
You're right. I'm sorry.
340
00:17:36,622 --> 00:17:37,907
Uh, look, mark,
341
00:17:37,908 --> 00:17:39,908
o.K.,
342
00:17:39,909 --> 00:17:43,227
I'm going to be totally
honest with you now.
343
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:44,729
Ahem.
344
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:46,903
I'm batting zero in the
trysting department.
345
00:17:46,904 --> 00:17:50,601
I don't intend to go through
film school a virgin.
346
00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:53,571
It's hard enough
for me to attract women
347
00:17:53,572 --> 00:17:56,741
without rumors flying
around that I'm a...
348
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,900
A homosexual.
349
00:17:58,901 --> 00:18:00,903
Please. Can we euphemize here?
350
00:18:00,904 --> 00:18:02,480
You want to move out?
351
00:18:02,481 --> 00:18:03,904
Is that what you're saying?
352
00:18:03,905 --> 00:18:06,651
Look, you're a good friend,
353
00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:09,821
but the thing is,
I would have a problem
354
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,823
with the... When the, uh...
355
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,559
Women's garments came out.
356
00:18:15,727 --> 00:18:17,728
Vinnie, we're not
all transvestites.
357
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:19,230
We're not all promiscuous.
358
00:18:19,231 --> 00:18:20,731
I wear flannel shirts,
359
00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:22,266
and I'm into monogamy.
360
00:18:22,267 --> 00:18:23,907
At least I would be,
361
00:18:23,908 --> 00:18:28,306
if I ever found the right
guy to be monogamous with.
362
00:18:28,307 --> 00:18:30,909
I'm in the same boat as you.
363
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:35,613
Well, you mean you never
been with anyone?
364
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,582
How do you know you're gay?
365
00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:38,583
How do you know you're not?
366
00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:39,584
I just know.
367
00:18:39,585 --> 00:18:41,902
Same here.
368
00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,488
But, you know,
369
00:18:43,489 --> 00:18:44,902
maybe we should reconsider.
370
00:18:44,903 --> 00:18:47,903
When people find out
that you're my roommate,
371
00:18:47,904 --> 00:18:49,460
they'll think I'm straight.
372
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,904
That could seriously
impair my social status.
373
00:18:51,905 --> 00:18:53,498
I get the point.
374
00:18:53,499 --> 00:18:56,501
The hell with what
other people think.
375
00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:59,805
It's not easy being
a rugged individualist.
376
00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:02,206
Are we friends?
377
00:19:02,207 --> 00:19:03,341
Yeah.
378
00:19:03,342 --> 00:19:04,842
Yeah.
379
00:19:04,843 --> 00:19:07,246
Are we roommates?
380
00:19:09,910 --> 00:19:12,518
Yeah.
381
00:19:14,386 --> 00:19:17,488
Hey, mark, want to go
shoot some pool?
382
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:18,457
Sure. Uh...
383
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:21,559
This is my new roommate.
384
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:22,528
Vinnie delpino,
385
00:19:22,529 --> 00:19:24,496
and I'm a practicing
heterosexual.
386
00:19:29,905 --> 00:19:32,304
Somebody ask for these x-rays?
387
00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:35,905
Thank you, nurse Faber.
388
00:19:37,442 --> 00:19:42,280
Michele, on behalf of my
porcine colleagues and I,
389
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:45,909
I'd like to say I'm
really, really, really...
390
00:19:45,910 --> 00:19:47,251
Really sorry.
391
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:49,904
Guys, let's head over
to the cafeteria,
392
00:19:49,905 --> 00:19:51,590
sniff out some truffles.
393
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:01,432
Um...
394
00:20:01,433 --> 00:20:04,268
I've always been
the youngest in the room,
395
00:20:04,269 --> 00:20:07,271
so I guess I was a little eager
396
00:20:07,272 --> 00:20:09,774
to be one of the guys.
397
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:13,277
That's not an excuse.
That's just an explanation.
398
00:20:13,278 --> 00:20:15,907
Doogie, your considerable charm
399
00:20:15,908 --> 00:20:18,907
lies in not being
one of the guys.
400
00:20:18,908 --> 00:20:22,820
And it is considerable.
401
00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:24,288
That's good to know.
402
00:20:24,289 --> 00:20:26,390
Um...
403
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,626
Listen, how would you, uh...
404
00:20:28,627 --> 00:20:31,329
Feel about another date?
405
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:33,864
It wouldn't be at my place.
406
00:20:33,865 --> 00:20:35,433
We'd go out.
407
00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:37,635
Have... have drinks.
408
00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:39,503
Not alcoholic.
409
00:20:39,504 --> 00:20:42,273
Lemonade.
410
00:20:42,274 --> 00:20:45,209
You're really afraid to
offend me, aren't you?
411
00:20:45,210 --> 00:20:46,644
Yes, I am.
412
00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:49,213
I've totally terrorized
you, haven't I?
413
00:20:49,214 --> 00:20:51,750
Yes, you have.
414
00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:56,521
I think I'm going to enjoy this.
415
00:20:59,558 --> 00:21:00,758
Michelangelo.
416
00:21:00,759 --> 00:21:02,393
Really?
417
00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:03,527
Leonardo Da Vinci.
418
00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:04,901
Him, too?
419
00:21:05,797 --> 00:21:07,865
Boy, those renaissance types.
420
00:21:07,866 --> 00:21:09,900
Socrates.
421
00:21:09,901 --> 00:21:11,469
Lawrence of Arabia.
422
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:14,338
Get out of here.
423
00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:15,740
I could understand that.
424
00:21:15,741 --> 00:21:20,279
The bedouin look so very
dashing on their camels.
425
00:21:20,329 --> 00:21:24,879
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