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CROWD: Free Dan Hern! Free Dan Hern!
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~ CROWD: Free Dan Hern! Free Dan Hern!
~ Get your Dan Hern water, ?4.
3
00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:11,670
Sun cream is mind control, it's
got chemicals in to control us.
4
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,870
We love you, Dan! We love
you, Dan! We love you, Dan!
5
00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:15,910
We love you, Dan!
6
00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,390
The Daniel Hern saga has
taken another twist today,
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00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:22,070
as the GCHQ analyst who's accused of
leaking the so-called Langley Files
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00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,190
has taken refuge inside this embassy
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00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:26,590
in a desperate bid
to avoid extradition.
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00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:28,990
But police say when he leaves,
he will be arrested,
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00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,470
but they can't enter the
embassy's territories.
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00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:34,630
Guys, guys, if we could all just
try to use our inside voices...
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00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:35,670
Oi, you!
14
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:37,870
One thing seems certain
at the moment -
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00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,990
however and whenever this standoff
ends, it's likely to be dramatic.
16
00:00:41,040 --> 00:00:42,580
Back to you.
17
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:15,080
This is it. It all
comes down to this.
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00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:21,880
The whole world watches Daniel Hern.
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00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:35,150
He's done it! Yes! And
the crowd go wild...
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Yeah! Yeah!
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00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,760
HE HUMS GOD SAVE THE QUEEN
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00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,070
"Daniel, you're the first man ever
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00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,230
"to win the World Paper
Throwing Championship
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00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:56,790
"the same year as nearly winning
the Nobel Prize, how does it feel?"
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00:01:56,840 --> 00:01:58,710
"Well, obviously, I've
got to stay humble,
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00:01:58,760 --> 00:02:01,350
"but, er, yeah, you know, I've
had a great tournament..."
27
00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,340
Your lawyer is here.
28
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:06,630
Thanks, yeah.
29
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:08,550
So, how are things?
30
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:11,070
Ah, I'm going mad in here.
Every day's the same.
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00:02:11,120 --> 00:02:12,710
You know the film Groundhog Day?
32
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,430
I've seen it 11 times.
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00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:16,150
It's the only DVD
they've got in here.
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00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,430
Well, have I got good news for you!
35
00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:21,870
The Americans have offered a new
plea deal. It's the best yet!
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00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:23,190
I can avoid the death penalty?
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00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:24,670
Let's start with the pros.
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00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,350
If I accept this, will I stay alive?
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00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:31,750
Well... no. But apart
from that, it's great!
40
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:34,510
They'll let you choose
the method and everything!
41
00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:37,510
You want to be one of those
firing squad weirdos? You can!
42
00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:40,230
~ I think you should take this one.
~ I'm not taking it.
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00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:44,230
No expense spared on the last
meal. Oooh - lobster, Daniel!
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00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,110
If you don't take this deal, I will!
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So nothing on my freedom, no
progress on the fair trial,
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00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:50,830
but the catering for
my execution's sorted.
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00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:52,990
You've been told how
to get off. But no.
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00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,030
~ You were too good for that.
~ I'm not faking Asperger's!
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00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:59,830
Asperger's is shit-hot right now.
It worked for Gary McKinnon, Daniel.
50
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:02,110
Gary McKinnon has
Asperger's. Key difference.
51
00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:03,950
We'll get around that.
52
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,750
I'll drop some toothpicks, you
say a number really quickly,
53
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:07,950
they probably won't check.
54
00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:10,070
Do you even know what Asperger's is?
55
00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:12,270
The Benjamin Button thing, right?
56
00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:13,310
Oh, fine.
57
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,190
My Guardian interview is on Friday.
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00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:18,070
When people find out how a hero
like me is being persecuted,
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00:03:18,120 --> 00:03:21,310
there'll be outrage. You know, they'll
have to give me what I want.
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00:03:21,360 --> 00:03:23,750
~ And what was that again?
~ A fair trial!
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~ Oh, yes.
~ In a neutral country! Of my choosing! Broadcast to the world!
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Is that so much to ask?
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00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,180
I'll send you some toothpicks.
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00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,380
That is a shame.
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00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:43,310
Please, the bond between our
nations remains unbreakable,
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00:03:43,360 --> 00:03:45,790
and our friendship will
continue to bloom.
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00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,320
Goodbye, Mr Ambassador. Goodbye.
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00:03:51,190 --> 00:03:52,190
That's a no from Cuba.
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00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:53,710
We didn't need him anyway.
70
00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:54,870
No, we did need him.
71
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:57,150
That bastard, we really needed him!
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00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,630
OK. We just spread things
around a little.
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00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:01,070
Move Uzbekistan to table four.
74
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,110
Uzbekistan are "washing their hair".
75
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:06,430
But if Uzbekistan don't come,
then Tajikistan won't! OK.
76
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:09,710
Move the Italian ambassador to table
four, where he'll be next to...
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00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:13,310
Three empty tables. Also,
he's not coming either.
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00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:17,110
~ Who is coming?
~ Tonga. ~ Tonga?
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00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,560
Tonga.
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00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:22,710
Everybody came last year!
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00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:25,030
I just ordered a chocolate
fountain for 200!
82
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,710
Look, last year, Dan
Hern was hot shit.
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00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:29,270
People came to see him.
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00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:32,710
Now he's room temperature
shit, which is just... shit.
85
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:35,910
So you're saying I need to bring
in a new international fugitive,
86
00:04:35,960 --> 00:04:37,510
just to attract people to the ball?
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00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:40,630
Obviously not. That's the
worst idea of all time.
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00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,510
Convenient!
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00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,030
Dad'll never agree to it.
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00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,220
You let me deal with Dad.
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00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,550
"If Dan Hern loves freedom so much,
why is he trapped in an embassy?
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00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:54,550
"It seems hypocritical IMHO."
93
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,830
"Don't worry, when you
reach the age of eight,
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00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:00,840
"you should find yourself capable
of logical reasoning."
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00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,440
Boxes!
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00:05:22,560 --> 00:05:23,830
~ What?
~ Boxes!
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00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:27,350
You can't put those here! I live
here, it's my personal space!
98
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:32,070
The sign says "storage room".
As in box room. So, boxes!
99
00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,910
Actually, it doesn't
say that! I changed it!
100
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:39,430
Yeah, see? And, er, yeah, and
someone changed it back again.
101
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:40,950
This has always been the box room.
102
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,550
We put all the crap we
can't get rid of in here.
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00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,990
Boxes. Asbestos. Whistle-blowers
who are boring now.
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00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:51,270
I risked my life for your
freedoms! I changed the world!
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00:05:51,320 --> 00:05:54,270
The president's approval
rating collapsed by 3%
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for a bit, until he got that new dog.
107
00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,950
Have you even read my manifesto?
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00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,350
Because I'm pretty sure
I printed you a copy...
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00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,910
Either you take the boxes or
you leave and get arrested
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00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,150
and go to America and
get tortured and killed.
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00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:10,110
After careful consideration, I have
decided I will take these boxes.
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00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,480
Just this once, yes, in the
name, in the name of...
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00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:16,400
Asbestos?
114
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,830
~ Hey, Rosa! Small world.
~ Too small.
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00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,630
Thought any more about coffee?
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00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:27,110
Can't be every day you're asked
out by a Time Man of the Year.
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00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,310
No. You've been asking
every day for a year,
118
00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,190
and for the last time, no.
119
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,550
Also, wasn't Hitler once
Time Man of the Year?
120
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:38,070
Well, it's about being
important, isn't it, not good.
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I was good, though.
122
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,630
And you weren't Time Man of the Year.
123
00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,510
"Trees" won it that year.
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00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,190
Doesn't count. That was a gimmick.
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00:06:45,240 --> 00:06:48,110
I was the highest-placed actual man.
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00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:54,670
Well, OK, I'm persuaded. Let's
go out! Meet me outside at nine.
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00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,750
I know a great restaurant, lover boy.
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00:06:56,800 --> 00:07:00,110
~ But I... I can't leave the embassy.
~ Really?
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00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:01,590
I was looking forward to going out
130
00:07:01,640 --> 00:07:04,910
with the internationally-wanted
criminal who lives in my workplace
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00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,390
with my father and my brother.
132
00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,040
That wouldn't be complicated at all.
133
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,360
Is that a firm no?
134
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:23,920
MAN CHATTERS ON RADIO IN SPANISH
135
00:07:39,920 --> 00:07:41,150
Hey, Daddy!
136
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,790
Thursdays... always Thursdays...
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00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:44,990
Won't bother you.
138
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:48,390
I just need a million pounds to
book Rihanna for the embassy ball.
139
00:07:48,440 --> 00:07:50,870
Either that or I give political
asylum to some hacker.
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00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:54,590
A million pounds? Dios mio, that's
out of the question, son.
141
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:57,030
OK, I won't spend a million
pounds booking Rihanna.
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00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,220
That's good, that's good!
143
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,000
CHATTER FROM RADIO CONTINUES
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00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:14,550
FROM BOX ROOM: Schnell,
schnell! Lad nach.
145
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:17,910
Schiessen, schiessen, schiessen,
toten, toten, toten,
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00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:24,120
toten. Weiter, weiter, weiter,
lad nach, ohh, schnell, schnell!
147
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:30,230
Lad nach, lad nach. Toten,
toten, toten, toten!
148
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:32,510
Schiessen, schiessen, schiessen!
149
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:35,990
Toten, toten, toten, toten. Lad nach.
150
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:40,400
Stirb, stirb, stirb, schnell,
schnell! Lad nach.
151
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:43,990
Hey! Roomie!
152
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,270
What?
153
00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:50,230
Oh, ja. I'm Ludo! Ludo Backslash!
154
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:52,270
Ludo as in Cludo.
155
00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:55,070
Backslash as in forward
slash, but in reverse.
156
00:08:55,120 --> 00:08:59,630
Can you believe they gave us
the same room? Like a sleepover!
157
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:01,830
Every day, a new adventure!
158
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:03,880
Excuse me, one minute.
159
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,990
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm being rude.
160
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,190
Would you like to play too?
161
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:15,720
~ Why are you here?
~ Oh, I started that website. Ludopia?
162
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,070
It was an internet paradise,
163
00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:23,230
sharing films, music, anything!
164
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,870
I started putting up
some adverts, you know,
165
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,110
just to cover the essentials.
166
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:30,070
Then I started charging,
167
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:32,870
just so the people could
upload slightly faster.
168
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,910
But then...
169
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,600
somebody blabbed.
170
00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,950
And the Government want
you for that, or...?
171
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,750
No, Daniel, not the Government.
172
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,990
Somebody far more powerful.
173
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:56,550
What are we talking? CIA? FBI?
174
00:09:56,600 --> 00:10:02,470
HBO. And the Motion Picture
Association of America.
175
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,590
They control the
governments. Who knew?
176
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,640
~ Why are you here?
~ I know! It's great, isn't it?
177
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,710
It's like this. Imagine
you're a child
178
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:18,990
and your parents don't want you to
get lonely, so they have another kid
179
00:10:19,040 --> 00:10:20,430
and you have to share a room.
180
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:23,470
The only difference here is that
Mommy and Daddy had another kid
181
00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:26,430
because you're boring now and they
can do better. It's no big deal.
182
00:10:26,480 --> 00:10:28,870
You know, for a diplomat,
you're not very diplomatic.
183
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,670
~ Well, if you don't like it,
you know where you can go. ~ Nowhere?
184
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,150
Yes! Do you know why I let you stay?
185
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:34,910
Because I leaked the
CIA torture manual,
186
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,950
and you're really committed
to human rights.
187
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,510
That's what I told my dad.
188
00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:41,950
Look, I didn't come to work
in an embassy to do...
189
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:43,550
whatever it is they do here.
190
00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:45,750
I came to make a name for myself.
191
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,550
And the quickest way of doing that
is by pissing off the Americans.
192
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,350
Why do you think Ecuador
took in Assange?
193
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,830
Don't mention that hack...
194
00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:57,070
So everyone goes to the Ecuadorean
Ball! It's just a room, Dan.
195
00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,750
Everyone's got problems.
196
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,110
Mo's family got kidnapped, you
don't hear him complaining.
197
00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:03,790
You haven't heard anything, have you?
198
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,510
Not now, Mo.
199
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:07,430
Put "Ludo" somewhere else!
200
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,310
Look. We've got a
space-saving solution
201
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:13,040
that's going to make everyone happy.
202
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:15,470
Bunk beds?
203
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:18,190
Take top bunk, you'll barely notice.
204
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,030
Oh! I want the top bunk!
205
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:22,110
Ludo gets the top bunk.
206
00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,350
Er, seriously...
207
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,150
I should, er, I should probably
have the top bunk.
208
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:31,030
But I've already climbed
all the way to the top.
209
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,750
It's just that if I'm down
there, then I might not sleep,
210
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,150
and, hey, yeah, I can't
do my important work.
211
00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,640
I don't want to overstate it, but
if I don't have the top bunk...
212
00:11:41,160 --> 00:11:43,630
.. the entire world will suffer.
213
00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:01,790
Dan? Psst.
214
00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:05,070
Dan. Dan!
215
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:09,550
Ludo, I've got a very important
newspaper interview in the morning
216
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,030
and I need to get some sleep.
217
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,990
~ Do you believe in ghosts?
~ No.
218
00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:16,070
Well, my Aunt Inga,
219
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:20,790
she said she once saw a ghost, just
standing there in the kitchen.
220
00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:23,990
Cooking an egg. How are you
explaining something like this?
221
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,640
I explain it by it never happening.
222
00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,150
You mean my Aunt Inga just lied?
223
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,430
Yes! Yes, she lied.
224
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:32,950
Oh, my God.
225
00:12:34,640 --> 00:12:36,910
Why would she lie like this?
226
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,760
Go to sleep, Ludo.
227
00:12:42,640 --> 00:12:46,670
~ Dan?
~ What? ~ What do you think happens
228
00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:49,910
Nothing. Nothing. Everything just
goes black and silent, for ever.
229
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,350
That sounds depressing.
230
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,870
No, it doesn't, it sounds great.
231
00:12:56,720 --> 00:12:57,950
~ Dan?
~ What?!
232
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,840
Good night, Dan.
233
00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:10,110
Now, I'm not a lawyer, but if we're
not taking the Asperger's road,
234
00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,910
you have to blow this
journo's socks off.
235
00:13:11,960 --> 00:13:14,830
Wait, wait. "I'm not a lawyer"?
But you are a lawyer.
236
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,230
You're my lawyer.
237
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:17,630
I thought it was just a saying?
238
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,590
You know, just something people said.
239
00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:24,080
~ Yeah, if they're not lawyers.
~ Oh! I should stop saying that.
240
00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:34,110
Our readers will be so excited
to hear from Daniel Hern himself.
241
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,430
~ Is it all right if we record this?
~ Er, that's...
242
00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:38,110
You don't have to answer that.
243
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:40,870
I'm his lawyer. I'm making sure
he says nothing incriminating.
244
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:42,750
What would he say that's incriminating?
245
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:46,200
Well, lots of things. For
example, he could say...
246
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:51,600
Nothing. Because he's not a
criminal. Ooh, you nearly got me!
247
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:58,910
So, Dan, who's your favourite
member of One Direction?
248
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,070
That's not really about
my work, is it?
249
00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:05,150
It's just some light questions
before we move to the heavy stuff.
250
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,800
My editor's big on celebrity angles.
251
00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,590
This just says "Zayn".
252
00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,910
Say Zayn, he's the best one.
253
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:14,830
Can we move on?
254
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:19,350
Yeah. Beyonce tweeted a call
for your release a year ago.
255
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:22,000
She's had a new haircut. Yay or nay?
256
00:14:22,760 --> 00:14:25,070
Again, is this really
the sort of question
257
00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,150
the Guardian should be asking?
258
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:31,600
I mean, look, I'm not asking for
much, all I want is a fair trial.
259
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,950
Oh, don't, don't mind me.
260
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,230
Ludo Backslash! What,
you live... in here?
261
00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:42,030
Yeah. Ben! I just got a
Snapchat from Katy Perry.
262
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:45,190
She wants to go nightclubbing.
Isn't that nice?
263
00:14:45,240 --> 00:14:46,230
~ You know Katy Perry?
~ Ja!
264
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,790
Well, she did a birthday party
of mine a couple of years ago.
265
00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:51,310
We ended up driving into my
swimming pool in go-karts.
266
00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:53,230
It was so much fun!
267
00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:01,470
Ja, ja...me and Russell Brand were
taking it in turns to banging her,
268
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:03,990
over and over again!
269
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:09,950
She was screaming! Ja,
dodgems is so much fun.
270
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,550
Would you like to see
my picture with Banksy?
271
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:15,520
~ Oh, yes.
~ Can we get back to politics?
272
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:21,670
Fine. The Americans have called you
both a danger to the free world,
273
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,270
and traitors to democracy,
and so on...
274
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,590
Oh. We don't listen to the Americans!
275
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,350
So you can't hear what they're saying
276
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,310
when they say you're a threat?
277
00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,470
That's, that's right,
we hear nothing.
278
00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,630
So you're deaf to these accusations?
279
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:37,630
I...
280
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:39,870
No. Sorry. My interview.
281
00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,350
Mine. Not yours.
282
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:47,190
How dare they say that. Yes,
my leaks caused some riots.
283
00:15:47,240 --> 00:15:50,270
Yes, a consulate in Yemen
did get burned down.
284
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,870
But isn't that a small
price to pay for freedom?
285
00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:57,190
So when they call me a traitor,
yes, I am deaf to America,
286
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,950
because as George Orwell
said... where are you going?
287
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,430
Oh, we're out of time. Got to dash.
288
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,270
Fabulous talking to you, Ludo.
289
00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:06,590
You didn't hear what
George Orwell said!
290
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,870
Yeah, I've got everything
I need. Thanks!
291
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,920
~ What did George Orwell say?
~ He said shut up!
292
00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:20,910
That was fun!
293
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,790
Fun? I was supposed to
talk about being a hero!
294
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:27,870
A really fucking impressive
fucking humble fucking hero!
295
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,110
I got to say none of that!
296
00:16:29,160 --> 00:16:30,750
Ha, that's newspapers for you, Dan.
297
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:33,270
You know they'll never
understand people like us.
298
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:35,470
We are not the same!
I risked my freedom,
299
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,070
I risked my life to leak
evidence of CIA torture
300
00:16:38,120 --> 00:16:40,870
in the hope of changing
the world for the better!
301
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:44,270
~ Just like me!
~ No! What did you ever leak?
302
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:47,790
Transformers 3, Transformers
4, Iron Man trilogy,
303
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:51,230
Cowboys Vs Aliens... I put
it all online for free!
304
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:52,630
That's films!
305
00:16:52,680 --> 00:16:54,880
Films...don't... matter!
306
00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:58,390
You know who you remind me of, Dan?
307
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:01,910
Another certain someone,
hiding from the government,
308
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:05,470
desperate to go home, getting paler
and paler, wrapped in a blanket...
309
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,870
Yeah, yeah, Julian Assange.
310
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:12,070
ET! He was trapped in
a tiny little room too.
311
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:14,550
But you know what saved him, Dan?
312
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:19,470
Friendship. Friendship, and
a flying BMX with a basket.
313
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,430
No, no, no. We are not friends, OK?
314
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:24,220
And I am not ET.
315
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:29,590
And if I am, you've just
ruined my last chance of...
316
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:31,870
beaming up!
317
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,510
That's Star Trek!
318
00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,160
I don't care!
319
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:38,710
Great news!
320
00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,870
The Americans think Ludo is
far more important than you,
321
00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:43,830
and that you're a
footnote in history!
322
00:17:43,880 --> 00:17:46,870
~ Oh, hurrah(!)
~ They're offering a final, final deal.
323
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:48,790
They'll lock you up
for just ten years,
324
00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:52,710
in return for a teensy-weensy,
humiliating, grovelling apology.
325
00:17:52,760 --> 00:17:54,430
Apology? What for?
326
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,430
Oh, just for wasting the CIA's time
327
00:17:57,480 --> 00:18:00,780
and costing the government
millions with your...
328
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:04,470
.. your..."cowardly baby-tantrum".
329
00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,470
Not my words, the US Attorney-General's.
330
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:11,030
Listen, I'm not apologising,
right, I'm a hero!
331
00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:12,830
OK, you could stay here.
332
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,510
It's not like things
could get any worse.
333
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,360
That's the spirit!
334
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:22,040
There we go, I'll just pop that
there for you. Have a little read.
335
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:33,390
Everyone came! Cuba,
Iraq, Colombia, Syria...
336
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:36,150
Where are the British,
where are the Americans?
337
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:37,990
The countries that
we want to trade with!
338
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:39,710
Well, you can either
have a boring ball
339
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:43,870
where everyone's talking about
trade, or you can have a cool one.
340
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:45,390
The North Koreans came!
341
00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:46,580
Hi!
342
00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:49,870
Party time!
343
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:53,750
No, Ludo. I may never leave here now.
344
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,390
All I have left is the
respect of these people.
345
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,790
So don't talk to me.
Don't come near me.
346
00:18:58,840 --> 00:19:02,240
I don't want you embarrassing
me in front of them.
347
00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:10,840
Senoras y Senores, ladies and
gentlemen, our guest of honour!
348
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:16,280
Ludo Backslash!
349
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:21,670
CROWD: Ludo! Ludo! Ludo!
350
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:26,270
It can be tough, but if someone asked
me, "Dan, would you do it again?",
351
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:28,510
I'd say... could you excuse me?
352
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:31,840
~ Oh, Ludo, you're so funny.
~ Ludo? Sorry.
353
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:35,990
~ Yeah, nice try.
~ I was just talking to her!
354
00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:39,790
I know all about your European
pick-up techniques.
355
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:42,670
Listening to her, making
a connection...
356
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:47,470
You think she'll go out with
someone living where she works?
357
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:49,710
You're embarrassing yourself. And me.
358
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,590
I think someone likes her.
359
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,990
Stop changing the subject. Yeah?
360
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,110
And also, talking of
looking like an idiot,
361
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,950
you could have made an effort, yeah?
362
00:19:58,000 --> 00:19:59,910
You look ridiculous.
363
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,350
~ Maybe you should chill out a little? Yeah?
~ Yeah?
364
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:03,950
Maybe you should stop dressing
365
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,630
like you're at Glastonbury
rock music festival.
366
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:09,680
It's an embassy ball,
yeah? Raise your game.
367
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,430
.. But we will never have stability
368
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,790
as long as we remain haunted by
the ghosts of the old regime...
369
00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:19,750
That reminds me of a
New Yorker article...
370
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,140
My Aunt Inga saw a ghost once.
371
00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,670
Sorry. These are
metaphorical ghosts...
372
00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:29,670
These weren't. She said
it smashed a gravy boat.
373
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,390
Yeah, I understand, she
means metaphorical...
374
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,910
it doesn't matter, does
it, talk about it later.
375
00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:36,950
Anyway, the thrust of the article...
376
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,390
I love your T-shirt, it calls for
the release of the freedom fighter,
377
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,710
Hugsarial Haruke from
Guantanamo. Yes?
378
00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:45,830
It says Free Hugs!
379
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,630
Yes, we MUST free Hugs.
380
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:52,550
Come, tell me about this
Aunt Inga of yours.
381
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,140
Oh, come on!
382
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,840
Look at them all.
383
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,350
Hanging on his every word,
like he's some sort of genius.
384
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,400
See, look! This panda
here, he is sneezing!
385
00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:09,310
And what do you call this?
386
00:21:09,360 --> 00:21:11,510
Youtube.com.
387
00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:14,150
You are really bringing
the mood down.
388
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:17,300
Perhaps you'd be more
comfortable over there.
389
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:22,400
Come on, shift up.
390
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:26,510
How do you do? Daniel Hern.
391
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:28,750
I'm what they call
a "freedom fighter".
392
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,750
Are you the one who got Daddy's
consulate in Yemen burned down?
393
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,670
~ Well, actually...
~ My daddy says
394
00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:36,110
the CIA should have
had you killed by now.
395
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:38,390
He says they could make
it look like a suicide.
396
00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,870
Well, I don't have to listen to
this. I was Time Man of the Year.
397
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:45,020
~ I thought trees won it?
~ Oh, to hell with this!
398
00:21:52,840 --> 00:21:55,510
~ Coats!
~ How can an embassy not have a coat room?
399
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:57,100
Oh, it does.
400
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,190
Coats!
401
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:00,440
Hell!
402
00:22:44,040 --> 00:22:46,910
Attention, everyone. Attention!
403
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,910
I just wanted to say the Americans
have offered me a deal,
404
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:53,390
not a good one, but still better
than this, so I'm gone.
405
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:57,230
I'd just like to thank you
all for nothing. Rafael?
406
00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,790
Rafael, you're herpes in a suit.
407
00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:05,350
Where's Mo? Mo, you're like a human
paper cut. Um, all of you, in fact,
408
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:10,200
you have all made me miserable, and
I'm lucky to never see you again.
409
00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:23,270
Er, Rosa? Rosa, um, yeah, just to
clarify, I didn't mean you there
410
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:27,070
and if there's any chance of
anything happening between us...
411
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,750
~ No.
~ Because I think there are feelings there...
412
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,670
~ Bad feelings.
~ You know, I'll get my lawyer to send you my address,
413
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,390
~ you can post me a letter...
~ I won't.
414
00:23:35,840 --> 00:23:38,600
OK. Yep.
415
00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,040
Great speech!
416
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:57,270
Dan! Wait, you, you, you can't leave!
417
00:23:57,320 --> 00:24:01,950
Sorry, Ludo. Sometimes a man
just has to face the music.
418
00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:03,950
But you're the best
friend I have in here!
419
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:08,880
And you're my hero! You're Dan Hern,
you leaked the Langley Files!
420
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,870
I can't stay here for ever!
421
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,790
This place is like a prison to me.
422
00:24:14,840 --> 00:24:20,910
I know I'm leaving it for actual
prison, but, you know...
423
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:27,480
free food, proper showers, a gym,
maybe buff up a bit, get a few tats.
424
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,790
Here she is.
425
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:33,910
Change of plan! I've had, like,
ten voicemails off the Americans.
426
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,270
They were like, "Pick up! Pick up!"
427
00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:40,550
Like they've never fallen asleep in
the bath! Anyway, you've gone viral.
428
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,990
RECORDING OF DAN: 'Deaf to America.
Deaf to America. Deaf to America.'
429
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:47,150
"Death to America"? God,
that does look bad.
430
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,270
You may as well have
shat on an eagle.
431
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:52,830
And that's gone worldwide,
anyway, so, oops!
432
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,390
That's completely out of context.
433
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,910
I said "deaf to America", with
an F, like I can't hear!
434
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:02,110
Deaf to America! The other
one, there's a "th" sound.
435
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,150
Dea-th to America! Dea-th.
436
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:06,390
Deatthhh!
437
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,470
I want to know why I didn't
know about this, Dan.
438
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:10,190
You were in the room!
439
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,070
~ Deaf to America?
~ Deaf to America?
440
00:25:13,120 --> 00:25:16,950
~ Death to America!
~ Death to America? Dea-th-f?
441
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,870
Anyway, the gist was, they're
really miffed, the deal's off
442
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:24,030
and if you so much as stick a toe
through the doors, they will make
443
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,760
arresting and executing that toe
their number one national priority.
444
00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:32,630
But maybe I'm being hasty, you know.
445
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,830
Maybe our friendship is more
important than, you know...
446
00:25:35,880 --> 00:25:38,350
any of that other stuff I mentioned!
447
00:25:38,400 --> 00:25:42,440
Hooray! Hooray! Oh, yes!
448
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:45,350
You son of a bitch!
449
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,990
RECORDING CONTINUES: 'Deaf
to America. Deaf to America.
450
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:52,510
'Deaf to America. Deaf to America.
Deaf to America. Deaf to America...'
451
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:54,920
You son of a bitch! Come here!
452
00:25:56,480 --> 00:25:59,510
The Americans hate it when
people say death to them!
453
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,830
We're back on the map again!
454
00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:06,670
Friends of El Rico, I'd like to
present to you a freedom fighter,
455
00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:13,590
data warrior, scourge of
the American government,
456
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,360
Daniel Hern!
457
00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:19,880
My best friend!
458
00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,800
MACHINE-GUN SOUND EFFECTS FROM TV
459
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,030
Ludo?
460
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:36,190
Yes?
461
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:37,950
Um, as a hacker...
462
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:42,800
are you able to get past
the internet filter on...
463
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:48,920
.. certain websites, sort
of... gentlemen's...
464
00:26:53,320 --> 00:26:54,840
Please?
465
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,360
HE TYPES RAPIDLY
466
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:09,880
Oh, my God!
467
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:13,990
Thank you.
468
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:16,350
Thank you!
469
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:18,990
~ OK.
~ Please leave.
470
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,360
~ But I thought maybe we could...
~ Get out.
471
00:27:21,410 --> 00:27:25,960
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