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# You must remember this
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#A kiss is still a kiss
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#A sigh is just a sigh
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# The fundamental things apply
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#As time goes by #
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Absolute nonsense No, I'm sorry
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MAN: Are you sure I can't tempt you?
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No, no Definitely not Goodbye
9
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Who was that you were charming?
10
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Alistair He wants me to write another book
11
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- Oh! What a good idea
- It's a terrible idea
12
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Autobiography, he said
13
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I've already done my autobiography,
My Life in Kenya.
14
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Yes, which was very
15
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very: : :
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- You're struggling, aren't you?
- No, I'm not I'm just searching for the right word
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Absorbing Yes, that's the word
18
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Perhaps to the three people who read it
19
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(JEAN CHUCKLES)
20
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Did you want me?
21
00:01:06,340 --> 00:01:09,173
No, I just came to ask you
to ask me out to lunch today
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Oh
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- Would you like to come out to lunch today?
- Yes, please
24
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Now about this book
25
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Now, don't look like that
26
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Think of it as an autobiography part two
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There was life after Kenya There was us
28
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Meeting again after all those years
29
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Now, that was a very romantic opening
30
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- Sounds made up
- Well, it wasn't
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And it was romantic
32
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Sticky, I'd have said
33
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Very sticky
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LIONEL: You won't be long, will you?
I've got a taxi waiting, you see
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I shan't be a moment Honestly
Mum, Sandy, Lionel
36
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- Oh, hello
- Hello
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- Hi
- Do sit down Two minutes
38
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All right
39
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Can I get you a drink?
40
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- No, thanks I've got a taxi waiting
- All right
41
00:02:16,380 --> 00:02:18,848
- Should we get on?
- Yes, of course
42
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- Ready?
- Oh, yes
43
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- Won't be late
- JEAN: Right
44
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- Bye-bye
- Goodbye
45
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(DOOR CLOSING)
46
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Well, how was the evening?
47
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How was Coco?
48
00:02:33,340 --> 00:02:35,456
He said he knew you
49
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:38,731
- Did he say anything else?
- No
50
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That's the trouble He wouldn't even come in
He said if you remembered him, you'd know why
51
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Do you remember him?
52
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You do! That's why you got dressed up
53
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I've not got dressed up
54
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Oh, so you don't remember him, then
55
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Oh
56
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(SIGHS)
57
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It's you
58
00:03:05,540 --> 00:03:06,768
It's him
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00:03:07,580 --> 00:03:09,138
When was this taken?
60
00:03:09,220 --> 00:03:13,213
Well, as you can see, we're standing
in front of a cave, dressed in skins
61
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You're smiling at each other
62
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Yes, we'd just discovered how to make fire
63
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All right It was a long time ago What happened?
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Well, I think we had the photograph taken,
we went and had tea
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Come on You know what I mean
Was it a romance?
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Judy, I was 19
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Kissing in the back row of the pictures
was a romance then
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I'm his daughter
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Maths never was your strong point
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No
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00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:44,979
So, why wouldn't he come in and say hello?
72
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Well, I expect he didn't fancy a wrinklies reunion
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He said to ask you
74
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Well, you've asked me and I don't know
and it's not important
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- Cheers
- Cheers
76
00:03:59,380 --> 00:04:01,496
Oh Things change
77
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Yes Your hair is different
78
00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,215
Yes
79
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I've got a bit of grey myself
80
00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:14,210
- Well, at least I haven't a bald spot
- Well, good for you
81
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:17,019
- I have got a troublesome back
- Yeah, I get cramp
82
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Oh, my God! It is a wrinklies reunion
83
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What are we doing here?
84
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Well, I'm not here to compare wrinkles
85
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I just want to set the record straight, that's all
86
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Yes, so do I
87
00:04:28,860 --> 00:04:30,976
So, why didn't you write?
88
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:34,617
Oh, no Let's not play games
Why didn't you write?
89
00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:36,019
Where to?
90
00:04:36,140 --> 00:04:38,608
Second Lieutenant Hardcastle,
somewhere in Korea?
91
00:04:38,700 --> 00:04:42,409
- I sent you the full address as soon as I had one
- Well, I didn't get a letter
92
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:43,774
Well, I sent it
93
00:04:46,500 --> 00:04:47,489
Oh, no
94
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(CHUCKLING)
95
00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:52,735
As ridiculously simple as that? A lost letter?
96
00:04:52,820 --> 00:04:56,335
Oh, dear
I suppose we're in some rack somewhere
97
00:04:56,420 --> 00:04:58,888
Could be in the Imperial War Museum,
for all we know
98
00:04:58,980 --> 00:05:02,256
Letter from subaltern to sweetheart, circa 1953
99
00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:05,777
Or still in Korea Disintegrated in the soil
100
00:05:06,620 --> 00:05:08,656
I'd like to think it fed a tree
101
00:05:08,820 --> 00:05:11,971
- People put newspaper on their compost heaps
- Yes, they do
102
00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:15,211
So, we finished as Korean compost
103
00:05:15,780 --> 00:05:18,055
I like the Imperial War Museum better
104
00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:19,409
Yes
105
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I think I do
106
00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:24,931
You didn't bother to write
a second bloody letter, did you?
107
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Am I boring you?
108
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Look
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JEAN: It's us 38 years ago
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LIONEL: This is where we first met
JEAN: I know
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Do you think we're in some sort of time warp?
112
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Perhaps we're hallucinating
113
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"Excuse me," you said
114
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"Could you direct me to Curzon Street?"
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Pretty steamy opening gambit, wasn't it?
116
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Why did you need to go to Curzon Street?
117
00:05:52,180 --> 00:05:54,569
I didn't
It was the first street that came into my head
118
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When I told my father and mother
I'd been picked up by a soldier in the park,
119
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they had a thousand fits
120
00:05:59,420 --> 00:06:01,888
- On the road to hell?
- Something like that
121
00:06:05,140 --> 00:06:07,096
We didn't do that on our first date
122
00:06:07,180 --> 00:06:09,136
We didn't do anything on our first date
123
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You swung from the branch of a tree
124
00:06:11,700 --> 00:06:13,258
Oh God! So, I did
125
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:15,854
- Were you impressed?
- Tried not to laugh
126
00:06:16,580 --> 00:06:17,695
Thanks
127
00:06:20,060 --> 00:06:22,620
'Course, it may not be their first date at all
128
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I hope it is
129
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- Why?
- I just do
130
00:06:27,660 --> 00:06:29,252
So that's the first chapter done
131
00:06:29,340 --> 00:06:32,810
- What do you mean, done?
- Well, it's all in your head, isn't it?
132
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Now, chapter two
133
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Jean and Lionel went for a nice walk
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00:06:37,580 --> 00:06:40,299
- We went for dozens of walks
- Not like that one
135
00:06:40,580 --> 00:06:41,979
We found the hotel
136
00:06:42,060 --> 00:06:44,051
- What hotel?
- The hotel
137
00:06:44,140 --> 00:06:46,176
Oh, yes
138
00:06:46,420 --> 00:06:47,535
(LIONEL CHUCKLES)
139
00:06:47,620 --> 00:06:49,292
So, that's a chapter
140
00:06:49,380 --> 00:06:52,099
It wasn't as easy to find as we thought, was it?
141
00:06:52,180 --> 00:06:53,454
Not quite, no
142
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:56,455
I wonder what happened to that footpath?
143
00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:10,053
It's petered out
144
00:07:10,460 --> 00:07:12,849
The bloody thing's simply petered out
145
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,409
(JEAN GROANING)
146
00:07:16,580 --> 00:07:17,729
Where are you?
147
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:20,734
Here
148
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:23,818
- What were you doing?
- I fell over
149
00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:25,333
Why?
150
00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:30,933
Are you all right?
151
00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:33,534
I'm wonderful I'm having a wonderful walk
152
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:36,418
Look, it was as much your idea as mine
153
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:38,013
A bigger man wouldn't have said that
154
00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:40,614
Well, I'm not a bigger man I'm a lost man
155
00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:44,939
- Which way shall we go?
- I don't know I'm not an Indian scout
156
00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:46,931
And where have the woods gone?
I can't see any woods
157
00:07:47,020 --> 00:07:48,578
I'd settle for a road
158
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,852
I can see some telegraph poles
159
00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:54,410
What do you intend to do?
Shin up one and find out where we are?
160
00:07:55,220 --> 00:07:57,051
Telegraph poles mean a road
161
00:07:57,420 --> 00:07:59,012
Unless they're going across a field
162
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:01,694
- Have you got any better ideas?
- Yes
163
00:08:01,980 --> 00:08:06,496
Wait for Humphrey Bogart to come along,
towing the African Queen and ask him the way
164
00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:10,415
(SIGHS)
165
00:08:10,500 --> 00:08:12,297
And now you've looked us up again
166
00:08:12,380 --> 00:08:16,532
Well, not so much looked you up
as stumbled through a hedge and found you
167
00:08:17,340 --> 00:08:19,296
Did you work here in 1953?
168
00:08:19,380 --> 00:08:23,532
Oh, no, dear I was still at school Enjoy your tea
169
00:08:27,820 --> 00:08:29,776
At least she was alive in 1953
170
00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:32,292
I knew someone had to be
171
00:08:32,540 --> 00:08:36,215
We should have gone to Eastbourne
We'd be comparative striplings in Eastbourne
172
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:38,336
You'd have wowed them with your trainers
173
00:08:38,420 --> 00:08:39,489
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
174
00:08:39,580 --> 00:08:42,572
Well, there's a first time for everything, I suppose
175
00:08:42,740 --> 00:08:43,729
Yes
176
00:08:44,780 --> 00:08:46,008
I suppose so
177
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,213
Why are you smiling?
178
00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:50,019
Nice tea
179
00:08:51,060 --> 00:08:52,732
Yeah, I know it's a nice tea
180
00:08:52,820 --> 00:08:56,859
- But you don't smile like that over a nice tea
- Well, I do
181
00:08:56,940 --> 00:09:00,410
What do you do if you have a nice dinner?
Shriek with laughter?
182
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:01,853
The honey's nice
183
00:09:02,780 --> 00:09:05,977
Look, I'm not a fool
You're not smiling about the tea and the honey
184
00:09:06,060 --> 00:09:07,459
You're smiling about something else
185
00:09:07,540 --> 00:09:09,178
- All right, I am
- What?
186
00:09:09,660 --> 00:09:11,218
I don't feel like telling you
187
00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:14,337
- Oh, aren't we a little old for games?
- It's not games
188
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:16,980
If you don't know why I smile,
then I'm not telling you, 'cause you should
189
00:09:17,060 --> 00:09:18,209
- Should what?
- Know
190
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:20,416
- Well, I don't
- Oh, have some honey
191
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:22,138
I don't want any honey
192
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:25,298
- It's not the shoes, they're not that funny
- No, it's not the shoes
193
00:09:25,380 --> 00:09:26,608
I haven't got mud on my face, have I?
194
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,373
Look, why are you suddenly so concerned
about your personal appearance?
195
00:09:29,460 --> 00:09:32,372
- I've lost interest in this conversation
- So have I
196
00:09:34,420 --> 00:09:36,012
Funny being back there
197
00:09:36,900 --> 00:09:38,379
Yes, funny
198
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,576
It was smaller than I remember
199
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:42,019
From the outside
200
00:09:42,460 --> 00:09:45,418
Then I suppose
it never had more than 12 rooms or so
201
00:09:45,860 --> 00:09:46,849
Good God
202
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:50,259
- I've just remembered something
- Oh?
203
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:52,410
Here Then
204
00:09:53,020 --> 00:09:55,295
In one of those 12 rooms or so,
205
00:09:56,580 --> 00:09:58,571
we made love for the first time
206
00:09:59,060 --> 00:10:00,379
Did we really?
207
00:10:00,460 --> 00:10:03,020
That's why you were smiling You remembered
208
00:10:03,540 --> 00:10:05,258
So why didn't you say so?
209
00:10:05,340 --> 00:10:08,093
I didn't want to be the only one
who did remember
210
00:10:08,180 --> 00:10:09,533
Yes, I see
211
00:10:10,180 --> 00:10:11,454
Room eight
212
00:10:12,420 --> 00:10:13,978
With the squeaky door
213
00:10:15,580 --> 00:10:17,650
Mr and Mrs Ambrose Smith
214
00:10:19,540 --> 00:10:21,610
I always wondered why you added the Ambrose
215
00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:23,099
I didn't want to be too obvious
216
00:10:23,180 --> 00:10:25,569
Oh Do you think they knew?
217
00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:28,329
Well, as we had no luggage
and were both as red as beetroots,
218
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,217
I think they must have done
219
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:31,733
Now you're smiling
220
00:10:32,220 --> 00:10:34,575
I was just thinking of the 28 cups of coffee
we had after dinner
221
00:10:34,660 --> 00:10:36,139
before we went up to the room
222
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:37,972
It wasn't really 28
223
00:10:38,100 --> 00:10:40,489
- Seemed like it
- You kept ordering them
224
00:10:40,620 --> 00:10:42,611
- I didn't want to rush you
- Oh
225
00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:46,609
- I've always wondered, did you plan that night?
- Oh, give me some credit
226
00:10:47,060 --> 00:10:49,813
I'd have had a suitcase in the car if I'd planned it
227
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:51,970
We didn't even have a toothbrush
228
00:10:52,780 --> 00:10:54,771
- You wore a grey slip
- Oyster
229
00:10:54,860 --> 00:10:56,498
- Oh, oyster
- Oyster
230
00:10:58,060 --> 00:11:00,176
I kept giggling all the next day at the hospital
231
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:01,978
- Who with?
- No one
232
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:06,056
Just everything everybody said
seemed to have a double meaning
233
00:11:06,260 --> 00:11:08,410
What about you when you went back to the camp?
234
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:11,697
Oh, it isn't really a time for giggling
when you're on adjutant's parade
235
00:11:11,780 --> 00:11:13,930
I don't mean, did you giggle?
I mean, did you tell anyone?
236
00:11:14,020 --> 00:11:15,009
No
237
00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:19,813
I think I probably just walked about
with a silly smile on my face all day
238
00:11:21,060 --> 00:11:23,096
I couldn't get over the fact that the night before,
239
00:11:23,180 --> 00:11:26,695
I'd made love to the most beautiful girl
I'd ever laid eyes on
240
00:11:27,540 --> 00:11:28,529
Oh
241
00:11:29,460 --> 00:11:31,496
Would you like some more hot water?
242
00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:33,172
- No, thank you
- Right
243
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,935
Inventive That's what writers are supposed to be
244
00:11:36,020 --> 00:11:39,057
And what did I come up with?
Mr and Mrs Ambrose Smith
245
00:11:39,140 --> 00:11:42,052
Yes, but you weren't a writer then
You were flustered
246
00:11:42,140 --> 00:11:43,459
You were young and flustered
247
00:11:43,540 --> 00:11:46,213
Well, considering what was about to take place,
I had a right to be
248
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:47,892
Yes, of course you did
249
00:11:48,060 --> 00:11:49,539
They must have known
250
00:11:49,980 --> 00:11:54,417
Mr and Mrs Ambrose Smith
with red faces and no wedding ring?
251
00:11:55,020 --> 00:11:56,976
(CHUCKLING) I think they probably did
252
00:11:57,060 --> 00:12:00,097
I also look guilty when I lie, you see, always have
253
00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:03,536
That was a little white lie
Everyone tells little white lies from time to time
254
00:12:03,620 --> 00:12:04,609
Yes
255
00:12:05,540 --> 00:12:07,132
Yes, I suppose they do
256
00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:09,414
Why are you looking like that?
257
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:13,049
Oh, I was just thinking
Some white lies are whiter than others
258
00:12:13,980 --> 00:12:15,618
Lionel's a psychiatrist
259
00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:21,220
Really? How fascinating
260
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,816
Absolutely fascinating
261
00:12:24,020 --> 00:12:25,851
Oh, it's just a job, really
262
00:12:27,140 --> 00:12:28,858
- No
- Please!
263
00:12:28,980 --> 00:12:31,892
Look, you can follow me around all day,
on your knees, if you like,
264
00:12:31,980 --> 00:12:33,254
but I am not treating Stephen
265
00:12:33,340 --> 00:12:37,015
Nobody mentioned anything about treating
He just wants to talk to you
266
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,853
In my professional capacity as a psychiatrist?
267
00:12:39,940 --> 00:12:42,056
Yes, but I didn't know he meant that
till it was too late
268
00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:43,289
(SIGHS)
269
00:12:43,380 --> 00:12:47,658
Presumably if he'd asked you for a judo lesson,
you'd have given him one, would you?
270
00:12:47,740 --> 00:12:49,856
Well, of course not
I don't know a thing about judo
271
00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:52,135
Well, I don't know anything about psychiatry
272
00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:54,211
Yes, well, it's much easier
to pretend to be a psychiatrist
273
00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:56,256
than it is to be a judo player
274
00:12:57,620 --> 00:12:59,656
That's the most extraordinary claim
I've ever heard
275
00:12:59,740 --> 00:13:04,131
Look, a girlfriend of mine has been to
a psychiatrist once a week for months
276
00:13:04,220 --> 00:13:06,336
And she can hardly get a peep out of him
277
00:13:06,420 --> 00:13:08,809
He thinks she ought to work her own solution
out by herself,
278
00:13:08,900 --> 00:13:12,097
so he just listens and says "I see" a lot
279
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:13,813
She pays him for this, does she?
280
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:17,734
Yes, she says it's doing her good
Unloading her problems is doing her good
281
00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:19,811
- Months, you say?
- Almost a year
282
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,731
Well, I'm not seeing Stephen every week
283
00:13:21,820 --> 00:13:24,095
Look, he just wants a chat
284
00:13:24,180 --> 00:13:26,057
I'm not messing about with his mind
285
00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:28,734
Oh, well, let's face it
There's not much to mess about with, is there?
286
00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:30,538
That's not the point
287
00:13:30,620 --> 00:13:32,292
If you told him I was a surgeon,
288
00:13:32,380 --> 00:13:34,211
you wouldn't ask me to take his appendix out,
would you?
289
00:13:34,300 --> 00:13:37,178
Oh, come on!
Credit me with a bit of common sense
290
00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:38,329
Oh, God
291
00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:39,455
(DOORBELL RINGING)
292
00:13:39,540 --> 00:13:41,258
- That'll be Stephen
- What?
293
00:13:41,340 --> 00:13:45,652
Well, when you were in the bath, he rang
and I said to come round about 10:00
294
00:13:45,740 --> 00:13:47,059
You know, best to get it over with
295
00:13:47,140 --> 00:13:49,256
I think this is the unfairest thing
anyone's ever done to me
296
00:13:49,340 --> 00:13:51,456
- And I do mean done
- Yes, I know
297
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,650
- Hello, Stephen
- Oh, good morning
298
00:13:56,940 --> 00:13:59,090
Lionel, this is awfully good of you
299
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:03,009
Oh, come in, Stephen Erm, go through
I'll be with you in a minute
300
00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:06,338
Now, Lionel, please
301
00:14:06,420 --> 00:14:08,536
Have you just had a session?
302
00:14:08,980 --> 00:14:10,299
Yes, we have
303
00:14:10,940 --> 00:14:12,089
Extraordinary
304
00:14:13,460 --> 00:14:15,098
- I'll see you tonight
- You can't do this
305
00:14:15,180 --> 00:14:16,613
Oh, I know I know
306
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:18,770
Please Please, Lionel Please!
307
00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:22,813
Look, Stephen, I
308
00:14:23,580 --> 00:14:24,695
Oh
309
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:26,936
This is where you want me, is it?
310
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:29,612
Yes, that'll do
311
00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:33,258
I say, this is very relaxing
It's not at all like consulting
312
00:14:33,340 --> 00:14:35,251
It's more like a home, really
313
00:14:35,460 --> 00:14:36,859
- I see
- Pardon?
314
00:14:37,180 --> 00:14:38,613
I said, I see
315
00:14:39,260 --> 00:14:40,693
Poor Jean
316
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:43,213
Now, why "poor Jean" again?
317
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,939
Well, I mean, meeting him so late in life
318
00:14:46,020 --> 00:14:47,419
You know how fond I was of David,
319
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:51,413
and I know he'd have been absolutely delighted
if you'd met someone, well
320
00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,377
- What, after a decent interval?
- Yes
321
00:14:53,460 --> 00:14:55,018
Yes, well, I know you would, but
322
00:14:55,100 --> 00:14:57,136
Well, now I have met Lionel
323
00:14:57,380 --> 00:14:58,813
But so late
324
00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:01,410
That's the second time you've said that
325
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,377
We're not exactly in our dotage
326
00:15:03,460 --> 00:15:05,291
No, no Of course you're not
327
00:15:05,380 --> 00:15:08,213
And companionship can be a wonderful thing
328
00:15:08,540 --> 00:15:09,768
In its own way
329
00:15:10,540 --> 00:15:11,609
Poor Jean
330
00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:17,494
Penny, I think you ought to know
that my relationship with Lionel
331
00:15:17,580 --> 00:15:19,696
goes a long way beyond companionship
332
00:15:19,780 --> 00:15:21,452
Good gracious Does it?
333
00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:25,009
Of course
334
00:15:25,340 --> 00:15:27,137
- You mean
- Yes, of course
335
00:15:27,940 --> 00:15:29,293
But you didn't say
336
00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:32,656
Well, it's not the kind of thing
you throw into the conversation right away, is it?
337
00:15:32,740 --> 00:15:35,095
- I think it's wonderful
- Good
338
00:15:35,180 --> 00:15:37,774
- But you didn't say
- No, we've done that one
339
00:15:38,860 --> 00:15:39,929
Yeah, but I mean,
340
00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:42,614
I've automatically put you in separate rooms
341
00:15:43,140 --> 00:15:45,370
Oh, oh! Oh, no Well
342
00:15:45,460 --> 00:15:48,816
- That's fine That's all right
- No, no, no It isn't fine
343
00:15:50,220 --> 00:15:51,858
You should have said
344
00:15:51,940 --> 00:15:55,376
No, I'll change things around upstairs
It won't take a jiff
345
00:15:58,340 --> 00:16:00,615
Good Lord! Is that the time?
346
00:16:01,060 --> 00:16:03,369
- I'm ready for bed
- So am I
347
00:16:03,700 --> 00:16:05,611
I'm not I'm not tired at all
348
00:16:08,140 --> 00:16:11,052
- Shall I make some more coffee?
- No, no, no There's no need for that
349
00:16:11,140 --> 00:16:14,177
I know Let's play Trivial Pursuits
350
00:16:15,260 --> 00:16:16,693
It's 1:00
351
00:16:18,220 --> 00:16:19,289
Oh, is it?
352
00:16:19,620 --> 00:16:20,939
Everybody tired?
353
00:16:21,420 --> 00:16:25,095
Oh, all right, then I'm off, then
Good night, everybody Good night
354
00:16:31,900 --> 00:16:33,970
- Psst, Lionel
- What?
355
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,016
- Shh Shh
- (WHISPERING) What?
356
00:16:36,340 --> 00:16:37,534
We're in here
357
00:16:46,260 --> 00:16:48,171
What do you mean we're in here?
358
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:50,411
- We're in here
- Why?
359
00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:52,931
Well, Penny changed things round
360
00:16:53,020 --> 00:16:54,453
Oh, did she?
361
00:16:54,540 --> 00:16:55,689
We are guests
362
00:16:55,780 --> 00:16:58,214
I know we're guests,
but that's no reason for her to
363
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:01,292
- Well, why did she change things round?
- I don't know
364
00:17:02,300 --> 00:17:04,131
- I better have a word
- No
365
00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:10,053
- It was me
- I see
366
00:17:10,620 --> 00:17:11,848
Don't smile
367
00:17:14,420 --> 00:17:15,978
It wasn't intentional
368
00:17:17,340 --> 00:17:18,693
What are we going to do?
369
00:17:18,780 --> 00:17:20,850
Against the grain of today's behaviour,
370
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,817
we're going to act like grownups
371
00:17:22,900 --> 00:17:24,891
It is a bed made for two people
372
00:17:26,020 --> 00:17:27,009
True
373
00:17:46,380 --> 00:17:47,938
Why are you cuddling a cushion?
374
00:17:48,020 --> 00:17:50,250
Well, it's not just a cushion, is it?
375
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:52,774
- Isn't it?
- No
376
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,651
It's another chapter for the book
377
00:17:55,740 --> 00:17:57,458
There isn't going to be a book
378
00:17:57,540 --> 00:18:00,213
And if there were, there certainly wouldn't be
a chapter about cushions
379
00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:02,131
Not cushions This cushion
380
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:05,568
- Sorry?
- I do wish you'd follow my thread
381
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:07,139
Where to? Never-Never Land?
382
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:10,257
It's a perfectly logical train of thought Look
383
00:18:10,460 --> 00:18:13,736
- This could go on all day
- All right, then There
384
00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:18,012
- Or all week
- Look, where is the cushion?
385
00:18:18,980 --> 00:18:21,255
The cushion is on the floor
386
00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:22,649
Why?
387
00:18:23,660 --> 00:18:26,777
- Because you put it there
- But why did I put it there?
388
00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:28,898
I can only assume that
389
00:18:31,700 --> 00:18:32,849
Oh
390
00:18:34,020 --> 00:18:35,772
At last Oh
391
00:18:36,620 --> 00:18:37,769
Are we alone?
392
00:18:38,820 --> 00:18:39,809
Er
393
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:42,850
Unless there's somebody under the sofa, yes
394
00:18:42,940 --> 00:18:45,932
- I meant Judith or Sandy
- Yes, I know you did
395
00:18:46,020 --> 00:18:48,739
Yes, they left a note on the fridge
"Painting the town"
396
00:18:48,820 --> 00:18:50,094
I'm glad
397
00:18:50,460 --> 00:18:51,973
You're getting very liberal
398
00:18:52,060 --> 00:18:54,528
- I mean, I'm glad they're out
- Mmm
399
00:18:54,620 --> 00:18:55,973
So am I
400
00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:59,099
At last we've got a bit of weekend to ourselves
401
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,852
That was very well timed, wasn't it?
402
00:19:04,940 --> 00:19:06,578
I'm sorry, I didn't know
you were going to lean on me
403
00:19:06,660 --> 00:19:08,571
I wasn't going to lean on you
I was just going to snuggle up
404
00:19:08,660 --> 00:19:11,220
No, that would get in the way at the moment
405
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:13,373
Oh, I'm sorry
406
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:15,648
In the way of what?
407
00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:20,495
Well, all this should have happened
all those years ago, you know?
408
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:22,935
I mean, your letter
would have reached me in Korea
409
00:19:23,020 --> 00:19:25,090
and I would have come home and
410
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:28,016
Well, actually, I'd have done this
411
00:19:28,980 --> 00:19:30,095
(GROANS)
412
00:19:30,180 --> 00:19:32,614
But my knee wouldn't have clicked then
413
00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:35,129
Yes
414
00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:37,769
- No, it wouldn't
- Yes, I will marry you
415
00:19:38,660 --> 00:19:40,571
Well, I haven't asked you yet
416
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:42,771
Yeah, but you were going to, weren't you?
417
00:19:42,860 --> 00:19:45,533
Well, yes, but I'd sooner actually say it,
if it's all the same to you
418
00:19:45,620 --> 00:19:46,939
Oh, sorry
419
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:49,939
You all right down there?
420
00:19:50,020 --> 00:19:51,533
Yes, I'm fine
421
00:19:51,620 --> 00:19:52,848
Now, you may
422
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:54,615
Thank you
423
00:19:55,420 --> 00:19:58,617
You may think that I've taken a long while
getting around to this
424
00:19:58,700 --> 00:20:00,895
Yes! No
425
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:04,010
- There is a reason
- Cold feet?
426
00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:06,216
- May I finish or not?
- Sorry, sorry
427
00:20:07,020 --> 00:20:09,250
I didn't really have anything to offer you, you see
428
00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:13,219
I mean, dribs and drabs of money from the book
The odd lecture
429
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:17,009
I mean, the television money,
that's fine, but it won't last forever
430
00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:20,888
But now with a house,
I can offer you something proper, something real
431
00:20:20,980 --> 00:20:23,858
- That's why you were going on about the money
- Mmm
432
00:20:23,980 --> 00:20:27,768
It'll probably sound stupid
but that's the way I am
433
00:20:28,740 --> 00:20:31,538
- No, it's not stupid
- And there's something else
434
00:20:32,460 --> 00:20:34,132
- Oh, is there?
- Yes
435
00:20:35,580 --> 00:20:38,731
I fell in love with you the first day I met you
436
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:42,219
And I don't think I've ever stopped loving you
437
00:20:43,460 --> 00:20:45,098
Well, that's it, really
438
00:20:47,260 --> 00:20:49,490
- I love you, too
- Well, that's good
439
00:20:51,020 --> 00:20:53,136
- Can I say yes now?
- Yes, please
440
00:20:53,220 --> 00:20:54,369
Yes
441
00:20:56,740 --> 00:20:59,015
There's always something, isn't there?
442
00:20:59,740 --> 00:21:02,208
- What is it?
- My knee's locked
443
00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:05,253
Doesn't matter
444
00:21:14,180 --> 00:21:16,899
- What you doing?
- It's our wedding photographs
445
00:21:17,660 --> 00:21:18,854
Because?
446
00:21:18,940 --> 00:21:21,249
Well, a few photographs never hurt a book
447
00:21:21,340 --> 00:21:24,810
No, I suppose the odd holiday snap
would have brightened up War and Peace.
448
00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:27,698
- Well, I'll ignore that
- Oh, I thought you might
449
00:21:28,060 --> 00:21:30,813
Now, that one would make a very nice cover
450
00:21:30,900 --> 00:21:32,219
Us on a cover?
451
00:21:33,060 --> 00:21:34,891
Do you seriously think
that would be a selling point?
452
00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:37,175
I don't see why not We look quite respectable
453
00:21:37,260 --> 00:21:39,899
- Quite nice, really
- Oh, well, that clinches it
454
00:21:39,980 --> 00:21:43,177
You can almost hear the buzz
in the bookshops, can't you?
455
00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:46,570
"Let's buy that book
with those nice, respectable people on the cover"
456
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:48,969
Now, I do wish you'd be more positive about this
457
00:21:49,060 --> 00:21:53,053
There's certainly a chapter about the wedding
Everyone loves to read about a wedding
458
00:21:53,140 --> 00:21:55,051
Yeah, but nothing happened
459
00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:58,531
- Sorry?
- Well, apart from me marrying the woman I love
460
00:21:58,620 --> 00:22:01,453
- It was quite uneventful It wasn't a chapter
- Oh
461
00:22:02,700 --> 00:22:06,170
I'll tell you what would make a chapter, though
A long chapter
462
00:22:06,260 --> 00:22:10,173
- Well, that's better What?
- The list of everybody you wanted to invite
463
00:22:10,260 --> 00:22:12,728
That would take up to 200 pages, at least
464
00:22:14,180 --> 00:22:16,569
- Where's your list?
- It's in here
465
00:22:16,660 --> 00:22:18,890
- Well, how many people on that?
- Seventy-eight
466
00:22:20,220 --> 00:22:22,939
- Seventy-eight?
- Well, it'll come down a bit
467
00:22:23,020 --> 00:22:24,897
- Oh, really?
- Yes
468
00:22:24,980 --> 00:22:29,053
You must be very careful
not to leave people out They can get very hurt
469
00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:31,017
Who are all these people?
470
00:22:31,580 --> 00:22:34,572
- I mean who, for instance, is Sandy Gilchrist?
- Sandy Gilchrist
471
00:22:34,660 --> 00:22:36,537
Well, he's my chiropodist
472
00:22:39,220 --> 00:22:41,973
He's a sweet man and he hasn't had an easy life
473
00:22:42,540 --> 00:22:45,577
Oh, well, if that's the criterion,
that list's going to get bigger, not shorter
474
00:22:45,660 --> 00:22:48,128
Now, don't just make
sweeping statements about it
475
00:22:48,220 --> 00:22:50,814
Now, just tell me one thing
476
00:22:50,900 --> 00:22:54,336
How on earth do you expect
to get these hundreds of people into this house?
477
00:22:54,420 --> 00:22:58,538
There are not hundreds and that's no problem
Guests spread out at a wedding reception
478
00:22:58,620 --> 00:23:00,212
Half of them on the roof, presumably
479
00:23:00,300 --> 00:23:02,097
Right, that's done it Come on
480
00:23:02,180 --> 00:23:04,535
- Where are you going?
- We're going downstairs, come on
481
00:23:04,620 --> 00:23:07,498
- What, now?
- Yes, now I just want to prove a point
482
00:23:07,580 --> 00:23:11,937
- It's 11:00
- Well, there is life after 11:00 Come on
483
00:23:16,780 --> 00:23:21,092
(IMITATING JEAN) Let's clear out
the cupboard under the stairs while we're at it
484
00:23:23,940 --> 00:23:28,252
Now, we'll move the furniture back
and they'll all stand about in little groups
485
00:23:28,860 --> 00:23:31,533
Now, tell me,
how much room does a little group take up?
486
00:23:31,620 --> 00:23:34,612
- I mean, say four people
- Well, about
487
00:23:34,900 --> 00:23:36,253
About that much
488
00:23:38,100 --> 00:23:40,534
That's if they're all standing like this
489
00:23:40,620 --> 00:23:43,214
And how much
would your group of four people take up?
490
00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:44,289
Well
491
00:23:45,060 --> 00:23:48,257
- Say about that much
- Well, they're all really huge people, are they?
492
00:23:48,340 --> 00:23:50,695
No, not particularly
493
00:23:51,060 --> 00:23:54,894
But you don't stand about at a wedding reception
with your hands at your sides
494
00:23:54,980 --> 00:23:59,815
I mean, people have drinks in their hands
and they make gestures while they talk
495
00:23:59,980 --> 00:24:01,459
Gestures?
496
00:24:01,540 --> 00:24:03,895
You didn't say anything
about flailing your arms about
497
00:24:03,980 --> 00:24:06,175
- Oh, maybe I exaggerated
- Yes, you did
498
00:24:06,260 --> 00:24:09,570
Anyone who flailed their arms about like that
would need a whole room to themselves
499
00:24:09,660 --> 00:24:12,458
Well, you gesture, then Just naturally
500
00:24:13,100 --> 00:24:14,579
Well, all right
501
00:24:18,460 --> 00:24:20,257
That's not natural
502
00:24:20,340 --> 00:24:22,092
Yes, it is
503
00:24:22,540 --> 00:24:25,054
People don't gesture like that
504
00:24:25,860 --> 00:24:28,499
Not unless they have extraordinarily short arms
505
00:24:30,900 --> 00:24:33,858
- Well, you'll need a secretary
- To help me dry two coffee mugs?
506
00:24:34,020 --> 00:24:35,772
No, to help you with the book
507
00:24:35,860 --> 00:24:38,613
- You're like a terrier with a bone
- Well, you will
508
00:24:38,700 --> 00:24:42,295
Look, it's a nonexistent book,
so I'll have a nonexistent secretary How's that?
509
00:24:42,380 --> 00:24:45,736
Well, put your mind to it
and the book could become existent
510
00:24:46,140 --> 00:24:47,653
That a real word?
511
00:24:48,140 --> 00:24:49,334
I think so
512
00:24:50,100 --> 00:24:51,977
Anyway, you know what I mean
513
00:24:52,140 --> 00:24:55,132
And if you do get down to it,
then you will need a secretary
514
00:24:55,220 --> 00:24:58,974
- This would be a handpicked secretary, would it?
- Of course Why do you ask?
515
00:24:59,060 --> 00:25:00,812
Just thinking about Daisy
516
00:25:01,380 --> 00:25:02,449
Who?
517
00:25:03,900 --> 00:25:06,653
The secretary I had that you didn't handpick
518
00:25:08,140 --> 00:25:09,493
I don't remember
519
00:25:09,580 --> 00:25:10,808
(CHUCKLING)
520
00:25:11,860 --> 00:25:14,897
Well, you'll be glad to hear
that we've sorted everything out
521
00:25:14,980 --> 00:25:19,451
And we've decided to be very large-hearted
and not envy Sally Curtis because she's perfect
522
00:25:19,540 --> 00:25:20,893
Good
523
00:25:20,980 --> 00:25:22,936
And you don't have to see her again, do you?
524
00:25:23,020 --> 00:25:24,055
No
525
00:25:24,140 --> 00:25:27,689
Not unless she's so besotted with me
that she can't leave me alone
526
00:25:27,780 --> 00:25:29,532
Ha You should be so lucky
527
00:25:29,620 --> 00:25:30,609
Lucky?
528
00:25:30,940 --> 00:25:34,535
I couldn't be doing with anybody who's perfect
I much prefer you
529
00:25:37,460 --> 00:25:39,337
I suppose if I think about that
for a very long time,
530
00:25:39,420 --> 00:25:41,411
I could take it as a compliment
531
00:25:41,940 --> 00:25:42,975
Of course
532
00:25:43,780 --> 00:25:45,418
Well, I better be going
533
00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:49,129
- You might even get to like her
- Oh, now we're getting into the realms of fantasy
534
00:25:49,220 --> 00:25:51,051
Look, you're bigger than she is
535
00:25:51,140 --> 00:25:52,573
I know that!
536
00:25:54,300 --> 00:25:55,699
Bigger-hearted
537
00:25:55,780 --> 00:25:58,692
Try it Make the first move
You might be surprised
538
00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:02,217
Are you thinking of becoming
a United Nations peacekeeper?
539
00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:05,929
- At least give it a chance
- What, 'cause I'm suddenly big-hearted?
540
00:26:06,020 --> 00:26:07,214
Not suddenly
541
00:26:08,140 --> 00:26:09,129
Oh
542
00:26:11,020 --> 00:26:13,409
- See you tonight
- See you tonight
543
00:26:14,700 --> 00:26:16,895
(DOORBELL RINGING)
544
00:26:21,540 --> 00:26:23,849
- Good morning
- Good morning
545
00:26:24,020 --> 00:26:25,089
I'm Daisy
546
00:26:25,180 --> 00:26:29,810
Sally Curtis sent me to do some secretarial work
for Mr Hardcastle
547
00:26:31,140 --> 00:26:32,619
Oh, did she really?
548
00:26:33,700 --> 00:26:35,372
- Come in
- Thank you
549
00:26:42,460 --> 00:26:44,291
Look what Sally's sent you
550
00:26:47,500 --> 00:26:50,333
Hello I'm Daisy
551
00:26:51,540 --> 00:26:52,768
Good morning
552
00:26:56,780 --> 00:26:59,374
Come through I've just made a pot of coffee
553
00:26:59,980 --> 00:27:01,936
This way Here
554
00:27:03,700 --> 00:27:05,736
I'll kill her I'll kill her
555
00:27:07,500 --> 00:27:09,331
Good morning Gwen Flack
556
00:27:09,420 --> 00:27:11,729
Oh, yes, Mrs Flack Do come in
I'm Jean Pargetter
557
00:27:11,820 --> 00:27:14,493
Oh, I only know you by repute, of course
558
00:27:14,580 --> 00:27:16,935
I've been sent by your other branch
559
00:27:17,020 --> 00:27:20,376
Apparently Daisy
wasn't found completely satisfactory
560
00:27:20,460 --> 00:27:22,928
No Apparently not
561
00:27:23,140 --> 00:27:25,859
Do come through Mr Hardcastle's in here
562
00:27:25,940 --> 00:27:29,569
- Good morning Gwen Flack
- Ah Good morning
563
00:27:29,780 --> 00:27:31,611
This is Daisy's replacement
564
00:27:33,260 --> 00:27:34,375
Replacement?
565
00:27:34,460 --> 00:27:37,975
Apparently Daisy
wasn't found completely satisfactory
566
00:27:38,940 --> 00:27:40,055
Wasn't she?
567
00:27:40,140 --> 00:27:42,893
Look, Mrs Flack,
there's some fresh coffee in the kitchen
568
00:27:42,980 --> 00:27:45,369
Down there
Why don't you go and help yourself to a cup?
569
00:27:45,460 --> 00:27:48,054
Well, that's very kind Very kind
570
00:27:49,980 --> 00:27:52,050
Don't you wrinkle your nose at me
571
00:27:53,020 --> 00:27:54,453
Where were we up to?
572
00:27:54,540 --> 00:27:58,328
- You'd just closed the bedroom door
- Oh, yes
573
00:27:59,260 --> 00:28:03,731
Well, at the risk of sounding prurient,
574
00:28:03,820 --> 00:28:05,253
what happened next?
575
00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:07,411
I said, "Hello"
576
00:28:08,580 --> 00:28:12,255
But you'd just had dinner downstairs
Why say hello?
577
00:28:12,340 --> 00:28:14,251
I don't know why I said it, I just said it
578
00:28:14,340 --> 00:28:17,252
Well, it doesn't sound very romantic, does it?
579
00:28:17,340 --> 00:28:19,808
What about something like
And I know I'm not a writer,
580
00:28:19,900 --> 00:28:24,018
but what about something like,
"Oh, my darling, you look so lovely"
581
00:28:25,180 --> 00:28:27,250
- I couldn't have said that
- Too shy?
582
00:28:27,340 --> 00:28:30,138
No, Jean was in the bathroom I couldn't see her
583
00:28:30,740 --> 00:28:35,450
Now, I don't want you to get ahead of yourself,
but did you undress?
584
00:28:37,100 --> 00:28:40,058
Well, I didn't jump into bed with all my clothes on
585
00:28:40,580 --> 00:28:44,368
Well, that brings us to the issue of socks
586
00:28:45,940 --> 00:28:47,692
- Does it?
- Yes
587
00:28:47,820 --> 00:28:50,698
I know I can't speak for the whole of womankind,
588
00:28:50,780 --> 00:28:54,693
but a man taking his socks off last
is a dead turnoff
589
00:28:56,540 --> 00:28:59,691
Well, you'll be thrilled to hear
that I never take my socks off last
590
00:28:59,780 --> 00:29:01,850
- Oh, good
- Anyway,
591
00:29:02,500 --> 00:29:04,411
after I said hello
592
00:29:04,500 --> 00:29:09,016
Mr Flack was rather keen on, well,
that side of things
593
00:29:09,100 --> 00:29:14,094
And surprisingly enough, he was quite good at it
I mean, for a short man
594
00:29:15,300 --> 00:29:18,497
And Jean said, "Yes, here I am"
595
00:29:18,580 --> 00:29:22,493
But he did develop this habit
of taking his socks off last
596
00:29:22,580 --> 00:29:26,971
And it didn't do a lot
for getting me in the mood, as you might say
597
00:29:27,060 --> 00:29:29,335
We've established that I didn't
598
00:29:29,420 --> 00:29:32,298
- And then
- Strange things, socks
599
00:29:32,380 --> 00:29:34,336
I know they serve a purpose
600
00:29:34,420 --> 00:29:39,369
but when it comes to that side of things,
they're best disposed of as quickly as possible
601
00:29:40,220 --> 00:29:43,610
I find that cardigans
come under the same category
602
00:29:45,220 --> 00:29:50,772
I mean, a nice enough garment in their own right
but somehow just not conducive
603
00:29:51,100 --> 00:29:53,375
Would you excuse me for just a moment,
Mrs Flack?
604
00:29:53,460 --> 00:29:55,496
Yes, of course
605
00:30:05,740 --> 00:30:08,254
- I thought I was taking you out to lunch
- You are
606
00:30:08,340 --> 00:30:10,092
Well, they don't serve meals in Judy's room
607
00:30:10,180 --> 00:30:14,014
No, I'm just sorting through some books
that Judy wants me to send her
608
00:30:15,500 --> 00:30:19,618
- Harvey the Hamster. Isn't she a bit old for that?
- Oh, no That's one of her favourites
609
00:30:19,700 --> 00:30:23,375
It's a lovely book
He goes to sleep in his little house at the end
610
00:30:23,460 --> 00:30:25,769
There's nothing like a dramatic climax
611
00:30:26,220 --> 00:30:27,699
Anyway, Judy wants it
612
00:30:27,780 --> 00:30:29,736
I shall never understand women
613
00:30:30,140 --> 00:30:32,051
Oh, I should give up trying
614
00:30:32,300 --> 00:30:34,530
Oh, look A book of love poems
615
00:30:34,620 --> 00:30:37,453
If I did understand women,
I'd say that was more natural
616
00:30:37,540 --> 00:30:39,895
than a book about a hamster called Harvey
617
00:30:39,980 --> 00:30:41,538
It wasn't on her list
618
00:30:43,140 --> 00:30:45,495
Oh, look There's an inscription in it as well
619
00:30:45,580 --> 00:30:48,219
"To dear Judith with fondest wishes, Eric"
620
00:30:49,300 --> 00:30:51,370
You're going to say, "Who's Eric" now, aren't you?
621
00:30:51,460 --> 00:30:53,132
I'm not, as a matter of fact
622
00:30:53,220 --> 00:30:56,212
I shall never forget your face
when you first saw him
623
00:30:56,660 --> 00:31:00,938
- Judy was on the rebound at the time
- I know, but even so Eric
624
00:31:01,020 --> 00:31:03,170
Yes, even so Eric
625
00:31:04,580 --> 00:31:06,616
- Cheerio, then
- Oh, where are you going?
626
00:31:06,700 --> 00:31:08,850
- Out
- Anywhere special?
627
00:31:08,980 --> 00:31:11,448
No, just out Bye
628
00:31:13,380 --> 00:31:15,894
- That's significant
- I thought it might be
629
00:31:16,700 --> 00:31:18,531
She doesn't want to be here when Eric comes
630
00:31:18,620 --> 00:31:21,578
I'm beginning not to want to be here
when Eric comes
631
00:31:22,940 --> 00:31:25,818
Look, if he's very short
632
00:31:26,540 --> 00:31:27,529
Yes?
633
00:31:27,620 --> 00:31:29,850
No, I mean really short
634
00:31:30,420 --> 00:31:32,536
Don't stand next to him, will you?
635
00:31:34,460 --> 00:31:36,337
Now, don't tower over him
636
00:31:37,180 --> 00:31:40,092
Well, I'll just sit very low in my seat, like this
637
00:31:41,460 --> 00:31:44,816
When he sits down
I'll pop a cushion under his little bottom
638
00:31:46,820 --> 00:31:49,209
I'm not sure what to do if he's a giant
639
00:31:49,420 --> 00:31:51,092
Why should he be a giant?
640
00:31:51,700 --> 00:31:56,535
Why have you entirely discounted the possibility
that he could be just a very average person?
641
00:31:56,620 --> 00:31:59,214
Because of the way that Judy said,
"We'd better get it over with"
642
00:31:59,300 --> 00:32:01,939
- Well, she could just have meant
- Yes?
643
00:32:02,620 --> 00:32:04,133
- Meant
- Yes?
644
00:32:04,660 --> 00:32:06,651
- Well, just give me a minute, will you?
- Yes
645
00:32:06,740 --> 00:32:09,129
You see,
you're beginning to have your doubts now
646
00:32:09,220 --> 00:32:10,699
I wish we were still in Scotland
647
00:32:10,780 --> 00:32:13,453
What, and have all this going on
without us knowing about it?
648
00:32:13,540 --> 00:32:15,337
- All what going on?
- Well, whatever it is
649
00:32:15,420 --> 00:32:16,455
(DOORBELL RINGING)
650
00:32:16,540 --> 00:32:18,132
Oh! He's here
651
00:32:18,700 --> 00:32:20,656
JUDITH: It's all right I'll go
652
00:32:20,740 --> 00:32:23,732
Well, this is no good
We look as if we're waiting for him to come in
653
00:32:23,820 --> 00:32:26,698
- Well, we are
- Yes, but we shouldn't look like it
654
00:32:27,220 --> 00:32:29,211
Spread out a bit
655
00:32:33,180 --> 00:32:35,057
Just spread out a bit
656
00:32:35,860 --> 00:32:39,170
Mum, Lionel, say hello to Eric
657
00:32:39,260 --> 00:32:40,739
JEAN: Oh
658
00:32:42,020 --> 00:32:43,169
Hello
659
00:32:49,060 --> 00:32:50,857
Nice to meet you both
660
00:32:51,540 --> 00:32:54,338
It is customary to say hello back
661
00:32:54,540 --> 00:32:57,134
- Yes, of course Hello, Eric
- Hello, Eric
662
00:32:57,660 --> 00:33:00,970
- How are you?
- Oh, I'm very well, thank you And yourself?
663
00:33:01,540 --> 00:33:03,656
Me, oh, I'm very well
664
00:33:04,460 --> 00:33:06,178
Yes, I'm very well, too
665
00:33:06,620 --> 00:33:08,212
That's good, isn't it?
666
00:33:08,340 --> 00:33:11,696
- Yes, it is, all being well
- Eric, would you like a drink?
667
00:33:11,780 --> 00:33:14,055
- Oh, no, no, no, I'll do that
- No, I'll do it You all sit down
668
00:33:14,140 --> 00:33:16,096
Look, I'm here already You all sit down
669
00:33:16,180 --> 00:33:18,489
- Oh, Eric?
- A soft one, please
670
00:33:18,580 --> 00:33:20,059
- Sorry?
- Drink
671
00:33:21,140 --> 00:33:22,368
Oh
672
00:33:23,860 --> 00:33:27,216
- Eric would like a soft one, please, Judy
- Yes, I heard
673
00:33:27,300 --> 00:33:30,372
Don't want to blot the old escutcheon
after 35 years
674
00:33:30,460 --> 00:33:33,418
- Escutcheon?
- Driving licence
675
00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:34,933
No, quite
676
00:33:36,220 --> 00:33:37,812
- Oh, thanks
- Thank you
677
00:33:38,380 --> 00:33:40,416
- So, Eric
- Yes?
678
00:33:41,580 --> 00:33:45,778
You've been driving for 35 years?
679
00:33:46,260 --> 00:33:49,969
Yes, that's right
I took it up rather late, I'm afraid
680
00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:55,218
- Here we are
- Thank you
681
00:33:57,660 --> 00:33:58,649
What?
682
00:33:59,540 --> 00:34:00,655
Oh, yes
683
00:34:01,700 --> 00:34:03,292
Well, here's to
684
00:34:03,980 --> 00:34:05,208
- To
- Eric
685
00:34:05,300 --> 00:34:06,289
Yes?
686
00:34:06,860 --> 00:34:10,694
- No, I mean here's to Eric
- Oh, thank you very much
687
00:34:13,900 --> 00:34:15,015
So, Eric,
688
00:34:16,180 --> 00:34:17,408
how did you find us?
689
00:34:17,500 --> 00:34:19,138
I've been here before
690
00:34:19,940 --> 00:34:21,089
Have you?
691
00:34:21,380 --> 00:34:23,940
Oh, yes, of course you have Silly question
692
00:34:24,460 --> 00:34:28,499
- We can't stay long
- Oh, that's all right, Judith There's plenty of time
693
00:34:28,660 --> 00:34:29,649
Is there?
694
00:34:30,540 --> 00:34:32,451
Well, that's good, isn't it?
695
00:34:33,780 --> 00:34:37,329
Far less traffic on the roads, of course,
when I learned to drive
696
00:34:37,420 --> 00:34:39,570
Oh, well, there would be I mean
697
00:34:42,300 --> 00:34:44,973
- There There must have been
- Far less
698
00:34:46,420 --> 00:34:49,617
There's a great deal more now
Don't you think so, Lionel?
699
00:34:49,820 --> 00:34:51,333
Yes, there is Definitely
700
00:34:51,420 --> 00:34:53,138
Far more Far more
701
00:34:53,940 --> 00:34:58,968
I wonder what the increase in volume is
702
00:35:05,700 --> 00:35:07,179
Oh, he's driven off
703
00:35:07,420 --> 00:35:09,012
Can't have been Eric after all
704
00:35:09,100 --> 00:35:11,819
- What if you were to see something?
- Like what?
705
00:35:11,900 --> 00:35:13,618
Well, I don't know Anything
706
00:35:13,700 --> 00:35:16,055
What do you intend to do?
Lean out of the window and shout,
707
00:35:16,140 --> 00:35:19,416
(IMITATING JEAN) "Take your hands
off my daughter, you dirty old man"
708
00:35:19,500 --> 00:35:20,933
No, of course not, but
709
00:35:21,020 --> 00:35:24,535
Oh, Lionel, he is too old for her, isn't he?
710
00:35:24,620 --> 00:35:26,611
I don't think it's any of our business
711
00:35:26,700 --> 00:35:29,089
Well, of course it's our business
We're her parents
712
00:35:29,180 --> 00:35:31,250
No, we are not
713
00:35:31,380 --> 00:35:33,211
Well, you're her stepfather
714
00:35:33,580 --> 00:35:36,140
That makes me sound
like someone in a pantomime
715
00:35:36,220 --> 00:35:39,132
Which means you have no excuse
to stand back when there's a family crisis
716
00:35:39,220 --> 00:35:41,575
I don't consider this a crisis
717
00:35:41,860 --> 00:35:43,452
But what if he proposes?
718
00:35:43,540 --> 00:35:45,770
They've only known each other a week
719
00:35:45,860 --> 00:35:49,535
- Yes, but he hasn't got time on his side, has he?
- Oh, for goodness' sake
720
00:35:57,860 --> 00:35:59,259
Joan Fontaine
721
00:35:59,620 --> 00:36:01,292
- What?
- What?
722
00:36:01,900 --> 00:36:03,970
- You just said "Joan Fontaine"
- Why?
723
00:36:04,060 --> 00:36:05,573
Well, goodness knows
724
00:36:05,700 --> 00:36:07,975
You're always waking up
and saying strange things
725
00:36:08,060 --> 00:36:10,620
She was Olivia de Havilland's sister
726
00:36:11,060 --> 00:36:13,096
I must have nodded off and made the connection
727
00:36:13,180 --> 00:36:15,410
Well, if you can call it a connection, yes
728
00:36:15,500 --> 00:36:17,377
It's from Judy She sends her love
729
00:36:17,460 --> 00:36:19,496
Good How's married life?
730
00:36:19,580 --> 00:36:21,298
Well, it sounds very good
731
00:36:21,420 --> 00:36:25,333
Seems that Alistair is finally doing an impression
of a real human being
732
00:36:25,460 --> 00:36:27,655
- Had to happen eventually
- Yes
733
00:36:27,940 --> 00:36:31,489
Wasn't what you'd call
the smoothest courtship in the world, was it?
734
00:36:31,580 --> 00:36:33,730
More like a running battle at times
735
00:36:34,260 --> 00:36:37,058
Sandy and Harry
had some bumpy moments as well
736
00:36:37,180 --> 00:36:39,216
You can't blame the boy for liking rugby
737
00:36:39,300 --> 00:36:41,734
Liking? He was obsessed with it
738
00:36:42,900 --> 00:36:45,573
Still, they all had a happy ending
739
00:36:46,260 --> 00:36:48,376
- What was that song?
- What song?
740
00:36:48,580 --> 00:36:51,140
The one about the bumpy road to love
741
00:36:52,020 --> 00:36:53,214
I don't know
742
00:36:54,260 --> 00:36:56,535
Joan Fontaine didn't sing it, did she?
743
00:36:59,740 --> 00:37:02,732
- Marriage?
- That's right The big M
744
00:37:04,300 --> 00:37:06,689
That isn't what you're supposed to do next, Judy
745
00:37:06,780 --> 00:37:10,136
No, I know, I
I just should have had some warning
746
00:37:10,220 --> 00:37:11,858
What was I supposed to do?
747
00:37:11,940 --> 00:37:14,500
Say, "Hey, I shall be proposing to you
later today"?
748
00:37:14,580 --> 00:37:16,571
No I don't know
749
00:37:16,660 --> 00:37:17,729
Why?
750
00:37:17,820 --> 00:37:20,971
- What kind of a question is that?
- It's a fairly important one
751
00:37:21,060 --> 00:37:22,379
Well, because
752
00:37:22,740 --> 00:37:24,856
Look, can we go up to your bedroom?
753
00:37:25,940 --> 00:37:30,013
This isn't the one about thinking more clearly
when we're lying down, is it?
754
00:37:30,340 --> 00:37:31,693
No
755
00:37:31,860 --> 00:37:33,691
ALISTAIR: This is all wrong
756
00:37:33,820 --> 00:37:35,936
This is a kitchen You're making coffee
757
00:37:36,020 --> 00:37:38,534
This should be happening
on a golden beach in Acapulco
758
00:37:38,620 --> 00:37:40,929
or a snow-covered ski lodge in Saint Moritz
759
00:37:41,020 --> 00:37:43,011
And would I still be making coffee?
760
00:37:43,100 --> 00:37:46,137
- Judy, I'm serious
- Yes, I think you are
761
00:37:46,300 --> 00:37:49,656
So this is a kitchen
You picked the time and the spot
762
00:37:49,740 --> 00:37:52,254
Well, could you at least stop making coffee?
763
00:37:53,180 --> 00:37:54,659
Sorry
764
00:37:55,500 --> 00:37:59,049
As I told you before, impulse is my middle name
765
00:37:59,540 --> 00:38:02,896
It suddenly happened to me
on the way back from lunch Kaboom!
766
00:38:02,980 --> 00:38:05,289
Now, the furthest your impulses
have ever got you before
767
00:38:05,380 --> 00:38:07,336
is asking me to move in with you
768
00:38:07,420 --> 00:38:10,332
I know And I want you to know that
that offer still stands,
769
00:38:10,420 --> 00:38:12,331
should you say no to marriage
770
00:38:13,020 --> 00:38:14,248
Thank you
771
00:38:14,780 --> 00:38:16,850
You know, I've been thinking,
772
00:38:17,460 --> 00:38:20,213
I really appreciated you coming around yesterday
773
00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:23,019
There's nothing to appreciate I missed you
774
00:38:23,740 --> 00:38:26,049
But Saturdays are rugby days
775
00:38:26,140 --> 00:38:27,334
Postponed it
776
00:38:28,180 --> 00:38:30,853
- The whole game?
- Nothing more to do
777
00:38:31,220 --> 00:38:34,212
You postponed a rugby game
so that you could come and see me?
778
00:38:34,300 --> 00:38:36,052
No, the game was postponed
779
00:38:36,620 --> 00:38:39,339
- Frozen pitch
- Oh, I see
780
00:38:39,980 --> 00:38:41,618
But I would have come round anyway
781
00:38:41,700 --> 00:38:44,373
- Would you really?
- Of course I would
782
00:38:45,020 --> 00:38:46,931
As soon as the game was over
783
00:38:52,260 --> 00:38:53,409
It's odd, isn't it?
784
00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:57,015
Here we are, sitting here, talking about
where we're going to live and having babies
785
00:38:57,100 --> 00:38:59,091
Only yesterday you were putting off
having lunch with me
786
00:38:59,180 --> 00:39:00,818
so you could see a college friend
787
00:39:00,900 --> 00:39:02,299
And I'm very glad I did, Judy
788
00:39:02,380 --> 00:39:04,610
Because that's what really made me propose
789
00:39:04,700 --> 00:39:08,249
- You don't mean that it was his idea?
- What, Leo?
790
00:39:08,860 --> 00:39:13,297
Leo once described marriage as an institution
to which only lunatics get committed
791
00:39:13,460 --> 00:39:15,610
No, it was just seeing him again
792
00:39:15,900 --> 00:39:17,128
I don't follow
793
00:39:17,260 --> 00:39:18,978
Judy, the guy was a wreck
794
00:39:19,180 --> 00:39:22,252
A burnt-out shell of a man A husk
795
00:39:22,740 --> 00:39:25,254
So you came home and proposed to me?
796
00:39:25,340 --> 00:39:26,898
Well, don't you see?
797
00:39:26,980 --> 00:39:29,335
Leo's only a couple of years older than I am
798
00:39:29,420 --> 00:39:33,129
A guy can't go on burning the candle in the middle
as well as at both ends forever
799
00:39:33,220 --> 00:39:36,417
If I don't do something about it now,
I could end up like that
800
00:39:36,500 --> 00:39:40,812
- Which makes me the something
- Well, yes
801
00:39:41,740 --> 00:39:44,652
What do you think I am? A Salvation Army hostel?
802
00:39:45,260 --> 00:39:48,332
- Judy?
- You go and get yourself a nanny!
803
00:39:52,420 --> 00:39:54,934
Well, in his heart it's always been Judy
804
00:39:55,260 --> 00:39:57,330
He's just got engaged to another woman
805
00:39:57,420 --> 00:39:59,615
Yes, but you know what he's like
He's a bit of a fly-by-night
806
00:39:59,700 --> 00:40:00,974
It mightn't last
807
00:40:01,060 --> 00:40:03,813
And that's what you want for Judy, is it?
A bit of a fly-by-night?
808
00:40:03,900 --> 00:40:06,289
Well, at least he's a nice fly-by-night
809
00:40:07,660 --> 00:40:09,332
I give up I really do
810
00:40:09,420 --> 00:40:11,456
I wonder what this Mercury's like
811
00:40:12,340 --> 00:40:15,810
I'm not sure I can actually bring myself
to call anyone Mercury
812
00:40:17,220 --> 00:40:18,619
It could be worse
813
00:40:19,060 --> 00:40:21,176
She could be called British Telecom
814
00:40:26,100 --> 00:40:27,738
It's Mercury time
815
00:40:29,580 --> 00:40:31,377
Look, Judy,
if you don't want to go through with this
816
00:40:31,460 --> 00:40:34,338
Oh, Mum, I can't miss the opportunity
of seeing the woman
817
00:40:34,420 --> 00:40:36,809
that can make Alistair propose marriage
818
00:40:37,580 --> 00:40:38,695
JEAN: Wow
819
00:40:41,900 --> 00:40:45,097
- Lionel, your mouth's open
- Sorry
820
00:40:46,820 --> 00:40:48,776
- Hello
- Hello
821
00:40:49,460 --> 00:40:50,893
Hi, guys
822
00:40:54,260 --> 00:40:56,251
- Hello
- Hello, Alistair
823
00:40:56,340 --> 00:40:59,776
- We thought that was Mercury
- What, the plain girl?
824
00:41:02,140 --> 00:41:04,973
Will you stop frogmarching me about?
825
00:41:07,220 --> 00:41:08,255
Oh
826
00:41:08,340 --> 00:41:09,978
Sandy, I love you
827
00:41:10,060 --> 00:41:13,052
And I want you to marry me
and come to Canada with me
828
00:41:13,300 --> 00:41:14,289
Oh
829
00:41:14,820 --> 00:41:17,288
I don't say enough, you see
I mean to, but I don't,
830
00:41:17,380 --> 00:41:20,372
because when I do,
it generally comes out all wrong anyway
831
00:41:20,460 --> 00:41:21,859
I'm just a copper
832
00:41:22,460 --> 00:41:24,496
It's not enough to offer someone like you,
833
00:41:24,580 --> 00:41:28,619
but I've finally realised that's all I can offer
834
00:41:29,860 --> 00:41:32,613
The thought of being that far away without you,
835
00:41:32,700 --> 00:41:36,409
the thought of you not being in my life at all,
it's not on
836
00:41:36,860 --> 00:41:37,975
It's not on
837
00:41:38,060 --> 00:41:42,497
Sandy, you've got to marry me
and you've got to come to Canada with me, and
838
00:41:43,900 --> 00:41:45,652
Well, that's it, really
839
00:41:47,340 --> 00:41:51,379
For somebody who doesn't say enough,
you did rather well
840
00:41:52,940 --> 00:41:56,376
- So?
- That is a yes, by the way
841
00:41:58,940 --> 00:42:03,570
Those whom God has joined together
let no one put asunder
842
00:42:04,260 --> 00:42:06,251
(ORGAN PLAYING MAJESTIC MUSIC)
843
00:42:12,340 --> 00:42:14,331
ALL: Cheese!
844
00:42:16,660 --> 00:42:20,335
- Oh, lovely lunch, Lionel Thank you
- All part of the friendly service
845
00:42:20,420 --> 00:42:24,493
- What was that main course called again?
- Olivia de Havilland
846
00:42:24,580 --> 00:42:27,299
- Olivia de Havilland?
- What?
847
00:42:28,420 --> 00:42:31,014
The main course
was not called Olivia de Havilland
848
00:42:31,100 --> 00:42:33,614
I know It was beef something
849
00:42:33,700 --> 00:42:35,338
Why did you say Olivia de Havilland?
850
00:42:35,420 --> 00:42:38,173
Because that was the name of the actress
we were trying to remember at lunch
851
00:42:38,260 --> 00:42:39,693
And it suddenly came to me
852
00:42:39,780 --> 00:42:42,374
But I asked you what the main course was called
853
00:42:42,460 --> 00:42:44,974
- Yeah, I was coming to that
- Oh
854
00:42:45,500 --> 00:42:47,092
What a relief
855
00:42:47,180 --> 00:42:49,899
Yes Nothing like a sit-down after lunch
856
00:42:49,980 --> 00:42:52,778
No, I meant a relief that you heard the question
857
00:42:53,060 --> 00:42:55,449
I didn't think you'd heard the question
858
00:42:56,460 --> 00:42:59,099
- Pardon?
- Oh, please, don't start
859
00:42:59,180 --> 00:43:01,250
I can't go through all that again
860
00:43:01,340 --> 00:43:04,491
- Oh, I got some sausages
- That's nice
861
00:43:04,740 --> 00:43:05,968
You haven't looked at them yet
862
00:43:06,060 --> 00:43:08,051
No, I said, "That's nice"
863
00:43:08,140 --> 00:43:09,255
Oh
864
00:43:09,940 --> 00:43:12,408
Lionel, I think you're getting a bit deaf
865
00:43:13,860 --> 00:43:15,259
Pardon?
866
00:43:16,980 --> 00:43:18,254
- Hello
- ALISTAIR: Hi, Li
867
00:43:18,340 --> 00:43:19,693
Sorry, I forgot my key
868
00:43:19,780 --> 00:43:21,657
LIONEL: That's all right Hello, Alistair
869
00:43:21,740 --> 00:43:23,856
Li, could we have a word?
870
00:43:24,020 --> 00:43:27,296
Yes, if we must Come through
871
00:43:30,220 --> 00:43:31,938
Is Mum in the kitchen?
872
00:43:32,980 --> 00:43:34,413
Sit down, Alistair
873
00:43:35,620 --> 00:43:36,848
(INAUDIBLE)
874
00:43:39,460 --> 00:43:40,688
Thanks
875
00:43:41,100 --> 00:43:44,092
Well, this word
876
00:43:45,060 --> 00:43:46,732
Oh, right
877
00:43:47,540 --> 00:43:49,098
First of all, Li,
878
00:43:49,180 --> 00:43:50,579
I love you
879
00:43:52,100 --> 00:43:54,660
I do wish you wouldn't say things like that
880
00:43:56,220 --> 00:43:59,053
Okay, but it's said and it was meant
881
00:43:59,420 --> 00:44:01,854
Is there something wrong with your mouth?
882
00:44:02,420 --> 00:44:04,934
No Why?
883
00:44:05,620 --> 00:44:06,735
Because when you talk,
884
00:44:06,820 --> 00:44:10,051
your jaw keeps wobbling about
and you're shouting as well
885
00:44:10,140 --> 00:44:11,573
- Am I?
- Mmm
886
00:44:12,540 --> 00:44:13,529
Sorry
887
00:44:14,620 --> 00:44:17,054
- Is that better?
- Yes, that's fine
888
00:44:18,140 --> 00:44:20,415
Mind you, we are sitting quite close together
889
00:44:20,500 --> 00:44:23,572
As long as we don't sit unnaturally close,
I don't mind
890
00:44:24,300 --> 00:44:26,450
Okay Good
891
00:44:27,420 --> 00:44:28,739
Right, here goes
892
00:44:30,060 --> 00:44:32,528
Li, I am aware of a problem
893
00:44:33,340 --> 00:44:35,251
You've noticed, then
894
00:44:35,340 --> 00:44:38,696
No, I can't honestly say I have,
because I haven't been around too much lately,
895
00:44:38,780 --> 00:44:41,533
but Judy has and she tells me that Sandy has, too
896
00:44:41,620 --> 00:44:43,770
I think we might be needing this
897
00:44:44,140 --> 00:44:45,698
That was Alistair on the phone
898
00:44:45,780 --> 00:44:49,819
He finally got around to telling Lionel
and he's just stormed out of the pub
899
00:44:49,900 --> 00:44:51,174
Oh
900
00:44:51,980 --> 00:44:54,255
Oh, look, come on He's not violent, is he?
901
00:44:54,340 --> 00:44:55,693
Not so far, no
902
00:44:55,780 --> 00:44:57,179
Look, you two go
903
00:44:57,260 --> 00:44:59,091
There's no point in three of us getting bashed up
904
00:44:59,180 --> 00:45:02,252
No, we'll stay Have you never heard of girl power?
905
00:45:02,340 --> 00:45:04,410
Yes, I've heard of it
In our days it was called flirting
906
00:45:04,500 --> 00:45:05,535
(DOOR SLAMMING)
907
00:45:05,620 --> 00:45:07,929
He doesn't sound in a very flirty mood
908
00:45:09,100 --> 00:45:10,852
Hello, Lionel
909
00:45:17,060 --> 00:45:19,176
Do you know what that fool in the pub
has just told me?
910
00:45:19,260 --> 00:45:20,818
ALL: No
911
00:45:20,900 --> 00:45:23,698
Oh, yes, you do You're all in on it, aren't you?
912
00:45:23,940 --> 00:45:26,056
Well, let me tell you something I am not a boy
913
00:45:26,140 --> 00:45:27,459
- Look, nobody said
- May I finish?
914
00:45:27,540 --> 00:45:28,529
Sorry
915
00:45:28,740 --> 00:45:30,492
And because I am not a boy,
916
00:45:30,860 --> 00:45:33,613
my knees crack if I stand up too quickly,
917
00:45:33,700 --> 00:45:35,930
I've been known to doze off
in front of the television
918
00:45:36,020 --> 00:45:40,059
and, believe it or not,
I admit to missing the odd word in a conversation
919
00:45:40,140 --> 00:45:42,449
But I am not ready for an ear trumpet yet
920
00:45:42,540 --> 00:45:46,169
- Have you finished?
- For the moment, yes
921
00:45:46,260 --> 00:45:48,569
Well, firstly, no one said anything
about an ear trumpet
922
00:45:48,660 --> 00:45:51,299
Secondly, you are not missing the odd word,
923
00:45:51,380 --> 00:45:54,178
you are missing more and more words
all the time
924
00:45:54,260 --> 00:45:56,728
- Rubbish
- No, Mum's right, Lionel
925
00:45:56,860 --> 00:45:58,737
This morning when I asked you
if Mum was in the kitchen,
926
00:45:58,820 --> 00:46:00,253
you didn't even answer me
927
00:46:00,340 --> 00:46:01,819
That's 'cause I didn't know
928
00:46:01,900 --> 00:46:03,777
Well, what about when I came in last night?
929
00:46:03,860 --> 00:46:07,535
I said, "I've been to a rugby match"
And you said, "Yes, I did England won"
930
00:46:07,620 --> 00:46:09,417
- Well, they did
- Oh, really
931
00:46:10,060 --> 00:46:13,416
Look, before we start "oh-really-ing",
consider this
932
00:46:14,060 --> 00:46:18,178
I think that all three of you
have got unnaturally soft voices
933
00:46:18,260 --> 00:46:20,899
- Oh, for God's sake!
- Yes, you have
934
00:46:21,980 --> 00:46:25,256
It's a wonder I hear anything at all
with you whispering all the time
935
00:46:25,340 --> 00:46:27,729
- Oh, really
- You're doing it again
936
00:46:27,820 --> 00:46:28,809
Well, really
937
00:46:28,900 --> 00:46:31,494
All right, what about when you're here
on your own, watching television?
938
00:46:31,580 --> 00:46:33,616
You have the sound up full blast
939
00:46:33,700 --> 00:46:34,815
That's the BBC's fault
940
00:46:34,900 --> 00:46:37,289
The sound level's never the same
for two programmes running
941
00:46:37,380 --> 00:46:40,736
JEAN: Lionel, just stop making silly excuses
and face up to facts
942
00:46:40,860 --> 00:46:45,331
You're making it sound like an accusation
We all care about you and we want to help
943
00:46:45,420 --> 00:46:48,492
There's simply no point
turning a blind eye to your hearing
944
00:46:48,580 --> 00:46:50,252
Is that a mixed metaphor?
945
00:46:51,380 --> 00:46:53,940
I know what it is You know and I know
946
00:46:55,540 --> 00:46:58,418
Consider this Consider this
947
00:46:59,220 --> 00:47:01,051
If I'm supposed to be getting deaf,
948
00:47:01,140 --> 00:47:04,450
why are we having a conversation in which,
despite your soft voices,
949
00:47:04,540 --> 00:47:06,417
I have heard every word that you've said?
950
00:47:06,500 --> 00:47:09,219
It could have something to do with the fact
that not one of us
951
00:47:09,300 --> 00:47:10,858
is more than four feet away from you
952
00:47:10,940 --> 00:47:15,092
Exactly Judy, stand over there
Sandy, stand over here
953
00:47:15,180 --> 00:47:17,296
- Oh, really
- Oh, don't you start
954
00:47:18,020 --> 00:47:20,693
- Now, Judy, say something
- What? Say what?
955
00:47:20,780 --> 00:47:22,771
I don't know Just say anything
956
00:47:24,300 --> 00:47:25,494
(WHISPERING INAUDIBLY)
957
00:47:27,620 --> 00:47:30,498
- All right, I didn't hear it
- Nor did I, actually
958
00:47:32,220 --> 00:47:33,653
Something about this afternoon?
959
00:47:33,740 --> 00:47:35,298
I just said, I think it might rain this afternoon
960
00:47:35,380 --> 00:47:37,610
Yes, well, say it in a normal voice
I didn't ask you to whisper
961
00:47:37,700 --> 00:47:39,895
- I think it might rain this afternoon
- No, you've already said that
962
00:47:39,980 --> 00:47:42,289
- Well, then, we'll get Sandy to say something
- Well, Sandy
963
00:47:42,380 --> 00:47:45,929
Erm Why do rugby club dancers get boisterous?
964
00:47:47,420 --> 00:47:48,614
Well?
965
00:47:49,500 --> 00:47:51,138
Something about oysters?
966
00:47:52,940 --> 00:47:54,373
Boisterous
967
00:47:54,460 --> 00:47:56,974
- Well, she whispered as well
- I did not
968
00:47:57,060 --> 00:47:59,779
- I heard every word she said
- Oysters
969
00:47:59,860 --> 00:48:02,215
Oh, very well, then Now, you sit there
970
00:48:02,300 --> 00:48:04,495
- (STUTTERING) Just sit down there
- Yes, all right, all right
971
00:48:04,580 --> 00:48:07,094
Now No, no glasses
972
00:48:07,180 --> 00:48:09,774
Now, what card am I holding up?
973
00:48:12,700 --> 00:48:14,577
Well, I don't know, it's facing you
974
00:48:14,660 --> 00:48:17,094
Oh, sorry Right, go on, then
975
00:48:17,460 --> 00:48:21,009
Er, the, er The eight of
976
00:48:21,820 --> 00:48:23,651
Right This one
977
00:48:23,740 --> 00:48:25,890
- Queen of hearts
- Wrong, the king of hearts
978
00:48:25,980 --> 00:48:28,653
- Ah, but she did get the right suit
- Right
979
00:48:28,740 --> 00:48:30,651
Which is clearer, the black or the red?
980
00:48:30,740 --> 00:48:33,459
- Oh, this is absurd
- Well, of course it's absurd
981
00:48:33,540 --> 00:48:36,338
You don't test someone's hearing
by whispering in the corners of the room
982
00:48:36,420 --> 00:48:39,730
any more than you test someone's eyesight
by waving playing cards about
983
00:48:39,820 --> 00:48:42,493
Exactly, which is why although
I didn't even volunteer for it,
984
00:48:42,580 --> 00:48:46,493
I shall be keeping my appointment
with the eye specialist in the morning
985
00:48:46,940 --> 00:48:48,498
Now, come on, Lionel
986
00:48:49,060 --> 00:48:50,413
See sense
987
00:48:52,020 --> 00:48:53,931
I'm not having an ear trumpet
988
00:48:55,460 --> 00:48:57,132
How did it go?
989
00:48:57,500 --> 00:48:59,377
Oh, how did it go for you?
990
00:48:59,460 --> 00:49:01,894
Oh, fine, apart from paying his fee
991
00:49:01,980 --> 00:49:04,540
You know, it's just a minor alteration
to the prescription, that's all
992
00:49:04,620 --> 00:49:05,939
Otherwise my eyesight's fine
993
00:49:06,020 --> 00:49:08,329
Good So is my hearing
994
00:49:08,900 --> 00:49:11,539
- Oh, you did go and have your ears tested
- Yes
995
00:49:11,620 --> 00:49:13,770
There was a small problem, but it's fixed
996
00:49:13,860 --> 00:49:16,294
Oh, thank goodness
997
00:49:23,860 --> 00:49:25,578
It's remarkable, isn't it?
998
00:49:26,100 --> 00:49:27,374
You can't see it at all
999
00:49:27,460 --> 00:49:29,690
- See what?
- Well, your hearing aid
1000
00:49:29,900 --> 00:49:33,256
- I'm not wearing a hearing aid
- Well, what was the small problem?
1001
00:49:33,340 --> 00:49:34,455
Wax
1002
00:49:35,900 --> 00:49:39,893
A build-up of wax in the ears,
but I had it syringed Now everything's fine
1003
00:49:40,340 --> 00:49:42,535
- Did it hurt?
- No
1004
00:49:42,620 --> 00:49:45,418
A bit like having a head full of water
but, you know, it worked
1005
00:49:45,500 --> 00:49:47,934
- And that's all that matters
- I was worried
1006
00:49:48,020 --> 00:49:51,808
Yes, I know
I'm sorry I wasn't my usual grownup self about it
1007
00:49:51,980 --> 00:49:54,289
- Was there a lot of wax?
- Yes, quite a lot
1008
00:49:54,380 --> 00:49:56,336
They gave it to me as a souvenir
1009
00:49:56,420 --> 00:49:57,933
(EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST)
1010
00:49:58,500 --> 00:49:59,819
Oh
1011
00:50:00,220 --> 00:50:03,132
And I got some more
of those nice sausages as well
1012
00:50:05,180 --> 00:50:06,295
They're in here
1013
00:50:07,420 --> 00:50:10,173
You know, it still seems funny cooking for two
1014
00:50:10,740 --> 00:50:13,049
- You still miss the girls, don't you?
- Sometimes
1015
00:50:13,140 --> 00:50:15,051
- Don't you?
- No
1016
00:50:15,620 --> 00:50:18,293
- Lionel
- Well, on balance, I mean
1017
00:50:18,900 --> 00:50:21,812
They're both very sweet
but they do gum up the works from time to time
1018
00:50:21,900 --> 00:50:23,572
What do you mean "gum up the works"?
1019
00:50:23,660 --> 00:50:25,935
Well, take Casablanca.
1020
00:50:26,220 --> 00:50:27,289
The place?
1021
00:50:27,740 --> 00:50:29,298
- The film
- Oh
1022
00:50:30,620 --> 00:50:32,531
- "We'll always have Paris"
- Mmm
1023
00:50:33,180 --> 00:50:35,740
- You always cry when they sing the Marseillaise.
- Of course
1024
00:50:35,820 --> 00:50:38,778
Well, the last time that was on television,
1025
00:50:38,900 --> 00:50:42,131
that was a time for us
to be sitting together on the sofa
1026
00:50:42,220 --> 00:50:44,939
Me with my arm around you, passing the tissues
1027
00:50:45,300 --> 00:50:47,177
It didn't end like that, did it?
1028
00:50:47,260 --> 00:50:50,093
The three of you sniffling on the sofa,
there wasn't even room for me
1029
00:50:50,180 --> 00:50:52,694
- You fell asleep anyway
- That's irrelevant
1030
00:50:53,020 --> 00:50:57,696
The fact is, that should have been a time for me
to be alone with my girl
1031
00:50:57,780 --> 00:50:59,213
- Girl?
- Yes
1032
00:50:59,500 --> 00:51:01,377
Well, it's bound to be on television again
1033
00:51:01,460 --> 00:51:03,974
Well, if it is, I shan't be falling asleep
1034
00:51:04,340 --> 00:51:06,649
You were very sweet about the girls, you know
1035
00:51:06,740 --> 00:51:08,014
Very caring
1036
00:51:08,180 --> 00:51:10,853
A bit like walking through a minefield
sometimes, though
1037
00:51:10,940 --> 00:51:13,500
I mean, two pretty, young girls
1038
00:51:13,580 --> 00:51:16,174
walking around the house
with practically nothing on
1039
00:51:16,260 --> 00:51:18,569
- When?
- No, they didn't actually do it
1040
00:51:19,860 --> 00:51:21,418
They could have done
1041
00:51:21,500 --> 00:51:23,570
That's what I meant about the minefield
1042
00:51:23,660 --> 00:51:26,458
You did walk in on Sandy once
when she was in the bath
1043
00:51:26,540 --> 00:51:29,771
- That was the one mine I trod on
- Yes, you should have seen your face
1044
00:51:29,860 --> 00:51:32,135
You should have seen yours
after you'd had time to think about it
1045
00:51:34,180 --> 00:51:37,650
- You trying to get me drunk?
- I haven't tried that since I was very young
1046
00:51:37,740 --> 00:51:39,298
Really? What happened?
1047
00:51:39,740 --> 00:51:43,289
I plied her with Babycham
God, she could knock those back
1048
00:51:43,380 --> 00:51:44,938
And?
1049
00:51:45,020 --> 00:51:48,456
I tried to match her with my light ales
and got legless myself
1050
00:51:49,140 --> 00:51:50,459
The young Mr Smooth
1051
00:51:50,540 --> 00:51:53,100
Now, what was this earlier about you being a fool?
1052
00:51:53,180 --> 00:51:55,011
- Well, I am
- No, you're not
1053
00:51:55,620 --> 00:51:58,134
You're foolish sometimes, but never a fool
1054
00:51:58,580 --> 00:52:03,017
I know it's irrational, but I keep thinking
what would have happened if I'd been in the bath?
1055
00:52:03,100 --> 00:52:06,217
- What would you have done?
- Well, I'd have said hello
1056
00:52:06,900 --> 00:52:10,176
Then I'd have probably sat on the edge
of the bath and had a chat
1057
00:52:10,260 --> 00:52:12,535
- Yes, exactly
- Well, there's nothing wrong in that
1058
00:52:12,620 --> 00:52:15,851
No, I know But what if it had been years ago
when I was young?
1059
00:52:15,940 --> 00:52:19,012
I'd have torn all my clothes off
and jumped in with you
1060
00:52:20,340 --> 00:52:21,932
That's what I mean
1061
00:52:22,420 --> 00:52:25,856
Now, look,
I did not consider doing that with Sandy
1062
00:52:25,940 --> 00:52:27,498
No, I know you didn't
1063
00:52:28,780 --> 00:52:30,930
Sometimes I think we need a translator
1064
00:52:31,020 --> 00:52:33,614
No, we don't need a translator It's just me
1065
00:52:34,260 --> 00:52:35,818
I suppose I'm jealous
1066
00:52:36,140 --> 00:52:38,973
- I thought we just agreed
- Not of you, of Sandy
1067
00:52:39,580 --> 00:52:41,298
And Judy for that matter
1068
00:52:41,740 --> 00:52:42,775
(SIGHS)
1069
00:52:42,860 --> 00:52:45,090
I shan't say anything I'll just nod
1070
00:52:45,780 --> 00:52:46,815
No, but look at them
1071
00:52:46,900 --> 00:52:50,176
They're young and they're pretty
and they're here as a constant reminder
1072
00:52:50,260 --> 00:52:51,693
And you're here
1073
00:52:51,940 --> 00:52:54,056
And you're only a man, after all
1074
00:52:54,260 --> 00:52:55,932
I'm not nodding at that
1075
00:52:56,660 --> 00:53:00,175
- And what do you mean "only a man"?
- Well, don't tell me you never notice them
1076
00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:03,457
- Well, of course I notice them
- Well, there you are, then
1077
00:53:03,900 --> 00:53:05,458
There I am where?
1078
00:53:07,940 --> 00:53:10,579
Well, chuck them both out, then
1079
00:53:11,220 --> 00:53:14,018
- What?
- Well, I can't see any other solution
1080
00:53:14,100 --> 00:53:17,979
But we don't need a solution
'cause there isn't really a problem It's just me
1081
00:53:18,060 --> 00:53:23,214
Well, with the best will in the world,
I can't honestly say that you're young and pretty
1082
00:53:23,300 --> 00:53:26,372
- No, I know that
- But I think you're beautiful
1083
00:53:28,300 --> 00:53:30,655
- What?
- I said you're beautiful
1084
00:53:32,420 --> 00:53:35,332
Have you had a few of those light ales
before we started on the wine?
1085
00:53:35,420 --> 00:53:36,933
That's how I see you
1086
00:53:37,380 --> 00:53:40,372
You were beautiful when we met
and you always will be
1087
00:53:40,460 --> 00:53:43,054
It's nothing to do with a few wrinkles
and an extra pound or two
1088
00:53:43,140 --> 00:53:44,368
Or two?
1089
00:53:45,820 --> 00:53:48,209
It's what you are, it's
1090
00:53:48,580 --> 00:53:50,298
It's what you mean
1091
00:53:52,300 --> 00:53:54,530
I'm not putting this very well, am I?
1092
00:53:55,660 --> 00:53:57,616
Oh, it'll do very well, Lionel
1093
00:53:59,780 --> 00:54:01,338
It'll do very well
1094
00:54:03,020 --> 00:54:04,897
I think we'll leave the washing up
1095
00:54:04,980 --> 00:54:07,335
I was just going to suggest that myself
1096
00:54:14,420 --> 00:54:16,490
So, how often am I foolish?
1097
00:54:19,740 --> 00:54:23,574
- I thought you might like these
- Oh, thank you
1098
00:54:23,940 --> 00:54:25,532
- Why?
- To make notes
1099
00:54:26,060 --> 00:54:27,049
Oh
1100
00:54:28,380 --> 00:54:31,816
Jean is just about to get into bed
1101
00:54:31,900 --> 00:54:35,017
Yes, here she comes now
1102
00:54:35,100 --> 00:54:38,092
- I meant notes about the book
- Yes, I rather thought you did
1103
00:54:38,180 --> 00:54:39,169
Well?
1104
00:54:40,140 --> 00:54:42,449
I'll draw you a picture of a rabbit instead
1105
00:54:42,540 --> 00:54:45,657
- You haven't even considered it, have you?
- Yes, I have
1106
00:54:45,740 --> 00:54:49,016
I couldn't have done anything else
with you going on about it all day
1107
00:54:49,100 --> 00:54:52,615
So consider the idea considered and rejected
We are not a book
1108
00:54:52,780 --> 00:54:57,137
We're not even a paragraph
We are just Mr and Mrs Hardcastle
1109
00:54:57,220 --> 00:55:00,178
Well, I still think it's been an interesting story
1110
00:55:00,300 --> 00:55:02,860
Of course it has But to us
1111
00:55:02,940 --> 00:55:06,933
Because we're the actualcombatants
1112
00:55:07,300 --> 00:55:09,768
- Combatants?
- Participants
1113
00:55:10,220 --> 00:55:12,814
So let's just keep it to ourselves, shall we?
1114
00:55:13,820 --> 00:55:16,971
You know, meeting again after all those years,
1115
00:55:17,860 --> 00:55:19,816
we were very lucky, weren't we?
1116
00:55:19,940 --> 00:55:21,578
We got a second chance
1117
00:55:23,060 --> 00:55:24,971
Some people never get a first
1118
00:55:28,780 --> 00:55:30,213
I love you, Lionel
1119
00:55:30,980 --> 00:55:33,369
Just as well 'Cause I love you, too
1120
00:55:39,180 --> 00:55:41,819
If you repeat this, I shall say I was drunk
1121
00:55:42,740 --> 00:55:45,208
But I'm glad you're back in my life again
1122
00:55:45,820 --> 00:55:48,288
You are back in my life again, aren't you?
1123
00:55:48,860 --> 00:55:50,612
I seem to be, yes
1124
00:55:51,460 --> 00:55:53,212
Nice to have a friend
1125
00:55:54,220 --> 00:55:55,209
Yes
1126
00:55:56,300 --> 00:55:58,052
It's nice to have a friend
1127
00:56:02,900 --> 00:56:04,333
What are you doing?
1128
00:56:04,540 --> 00:56:07,293
- I'm giving you a friendly kiss
- Oh
1129
00:56:20,300 --> 00:56:21,733
Oh, damn and blast
1130
00:56:22,900 --> 00:56:24,128
What now?
1131
00:56:25,860 --> 00:56:27,054
I need a pee
1132
00:56:32,100 --> 00:56:33,294
Oh
1133
00:56:37,820 --> 00:56:38,889
It's The Last Waltz.
1134
00:56:38,980 --> 00:56:40,208
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
1135
00:56:40,300 --> 00:56:43,815
I don't suppose
you have the strength to totter around, have you?
1136
00:56:44,380 --> 00:56:46,098
I thought you'd never ask
1137
00:56:51,620 --> 00:56:53,576
(HUMMING)
1138
00:56:58,300 --> 00:57:00,973
# You must remember this
1139
00:57:01,060 --> 00:57:03,449
#A kiss is still a kiss
1140
00:57:03,700 --> 00:57:06,897
#A sigh is just a sigh
1141
00:57:09,220 --> 00:57:12,769
# The fundamental things apply
1142
00:57:12,860 --> 00:57:16,375
#As time goes by
1143
00:57:20,180 --> 00:57:22,569
#And when two lovers woo
1144
00:57:22,660 --> 00:57:25,458
# They still say, "I love you"
1145
00:57:25,540 --> 00:57:28,373
# On that you can rely
1146
00:57:31,060 --> 00:57:35,292
# The world will always welcome lovers
1147
00:57:36,780 --> 00:57:43,299
#As time goes by #
1148
00:57:43,349 --> 00:57:47,899
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