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# You must remember this
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#A kiss is still a kiss
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#A sigh is just a sigh
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# The fundamental things apply
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#As time goes by #
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- Postman Pat's been
- In his little red van?
7
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- No, he's got a soppy trolley with big wheels
- Not the same, is it?
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Nothing's the same I mean, look at all this lot
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Did I ask for it? Did you ask for it?
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Did these people ask our permission
to send us all this?
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- No, so we have to wade through it every morning
- Well, that's hardly wading through it
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At least have a look
There might be something interesting,
13
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something piquant
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- Piquant?
- Yes
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- I mean, for instance, would you like a stair lift?
- No, I would not
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Oh! They come in a choice of three colours
I see you in maroon
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Now, let's see Oh!
So much for your wading through it,
18
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you threw away a postcard from America
19
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- Oh, how sweet It's from Lillian Stevens
- Is it?
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- You don't know who that is, do you?
- Yes, I do She's American
21
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- And?
- And it was very nice of her to send us a card
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Lillian Stevens,
that nice lady we met in Los Angeles
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Yeah, I know that
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- Very tall
- No
25
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- Long black hair
- No
26
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- She wore very tight leather trousers
- No, she didn't!
27
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- You sure?
- I'm positive
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- Well, somebody did
- Yes, well, obviously somebody did
29
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Anyway, Lillian,
the real Lillian, sends you her love
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Thank you
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(DOORBELL RINGING)
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(JEAN SIGHING)
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Lillian also says
that if you're thinking of a stair lift,
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get one in maroon
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- Oh, hello
- Hello
36
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Harry, where have you been hiding?
37
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It's a silly question to ask a policeman, isn't it?
38
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I've been pretty busy, actually,
studying for my sergeant's exams
39
00:02:04,740 --> 00:02:06,731
Oh Sandy's very well
40
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- Good
- I just thought I'd tell you
41
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- Is Sandy in, being Saturday?
- No, she's out with Judy
42
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Oh, right Well
43
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Oh, no, come in anyway
Lionel would like to see you
44
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Oh, why?
45
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Well, not specifically, just generally
Come in and say hello
46
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- Well, how did the exams go?
- Pretty well I passed
47
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I'm a sergeant now Well, detective sergeant, CID
48
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Really? Oh, well done Sandy will be proud
49
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- Will she?
- Of course she will
50
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Oh, she'll be ever so proud
51
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- Lionel, look, it's Harry
- Harry?
52
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- Oh yes, Harry How are you?
- Very well, sir Thank you
53
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- Not "sir", please
- Oh, sorry
54
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- Oh, are you thinking of getting a stair lift?
- No, I am not
55
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- Harry's in plain clothes
- So he is
56
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No, I mean officially
He's a detective sergeant now
57
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- Is he?
- Yes
58
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- He's come to see Sandy
- She's out
59
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Well, we know she's out,
but Harry wasn't to know that, was he?
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Well, he is a detective
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- Sit down, Harry Would you like a coffee?
- Oh, no, thanks
62
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I wouldn't mind another one
63
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Sandy's very well
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- Yes, you said
- Oh, yes, so I did
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She'll be back very soon
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- They're shopping They could be hours, days
- No, they couldn't
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I expect you want to tell her your news
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Yes, but not just the promotion
There's some other news
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- Bigger
- Bigger?
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Yeah, sort of crossroads, really Do you, don't you?
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- I see
- I think I will have another coffee
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- Well, I expect you'd like to talk it over
- Yes, yes I need to do that
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- Yes, of course you do Of course you do
- We're running low on sugar
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Well, we're here and we're very fond of you
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So if you'd like to talk it over, well, we're here
76
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Well, that's very kind of you,
but it's Sandy I really need to speak to
77
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- She should be the first to know
- Well, of course Yes, of course
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(SIGHING)
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(INAUDIBLE)
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- How's the rugby going, Harry?
- Oh
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"How's the rugby going"?
82
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Look, the boy's got something to tell Sandy,
not us
83
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Oh, well, if you're going to take that attitude
84
00:04:29,380 --> 00:04:33,658
- You always take that attitude
- I am by nature a noninterventionist
85
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Well, I'm not intervening
I just want to know what's going on
86
00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:40,970
Well, the only concrete fact we have is that
Harry's moved to outside centre this season,
87
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and I don't think he'd want to tell Sandy that
88
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- Hello, hello!
- Oh, Sandy?
89
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- Yes?
- Harry called round
90
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- Harry?
- Yes He says he's got something to tell you
91
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Oh
92
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- You don't seem very excited
- Well, I haven't seen him for ages
93
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- What did he want to tell me?
- Well, he didn't say
94
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Not that we asked
95
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But he says it's important
He says it's very important
96
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Well, if it's that important,
why on earth didn't he wait?
97
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Well, because he had to go
98
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- Ah, he's probably got a rugby match on
- Well, it is Saturday
99
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Look, he did not mention rugby
100
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I expect he's got to detect something
101
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- What?
- Well, he's a detective sergeant now
102
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Hmm
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- And he still wants to see you very desperately
- Did he actually say "desperately"?
104
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Well, he didn't actually say it, but you could see it
in his face, couldn't you, Lionel?
105
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Could you, Lionel?
106
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I've never really been good with faces
107
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- But he does want to see you
- Desperately
108
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I thought you said Bolivia
109
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Oh, you did?
110
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- Alistair, what are you doing in Bolivia?
- I'm re...
111
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- Re-what?
- Regrouping.
112
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Regrouping?
113
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Look, you keep on breaking up
114
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(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
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Just a minute Come in
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This one's yours Oh, sorry
117
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No, it's all right
I can only hear every other word here anyway
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Alistair
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What? Yes, why don't you do that?
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Hasta la vista to you, too
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Bye!
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- He's in Bolivia
- Should I ask why?
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Regrouping That's what he said
What does that actually mean?
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Well, I don't know
Well, sort of getting his act together, I suppose
125
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Making money That's what he means, isn't it?
126
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- You make it sound like gun-running
- Do I? Well, I just wish he would stop
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I mean, it's like having a relationship
with a jumping bean
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Talking of relationships,
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Harry called round when we were out
130
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- Harry?
- Hmm
131
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- Do you miss him?
- Sometimes
132
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Well, not all the time, but
Yeah, sometimes I really do
133
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I miss him being kind
134
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I miss him hardly ever finding the right words
for what he wants to say
135
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The times when we didn't need words at all
136
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Then I think of him packing his bloody rugby kit
and disappearing all the time,
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and I don't miss him one bit
138
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Did you know that the capital of Bolivia
is La Paz and Sucre?
139
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- Of course
- The second official language is Quechua
140
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Well, everyone knows that
141
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- I suppose you speak it
- Fluently
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I suppose this interest in Bolivia
has something to do with Alistair being there
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Well, you like to know, don't you?
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I'd like to know what it is
that Harry wants to tell Sandy
145
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He wants to tell her about his promotion, I expect
146
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But he told us that
147
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So he did Well, we'll just have to wait and see
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- What if he wants to marry her?
- (SCOFFING) That's not news, is it?
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Not news?
150
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No, I mean,
Harry said he had some news for Sandy
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Proposing is a question
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You don't say, "I've got some news
We're going to get married," do you?
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Not unless you're on terribly firm ground,
I suppose
154
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- Which they're not
- Which they're not
155
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(DOORBELL RINGING)
156
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Oh, for goodness sake!
157
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Are we the only people
who go to bed in this country?
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That'll be Harry
159
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- How do you know that?
- Well, detectives keep very strange hours
160
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It's a well-known fact I'll wake Sandy
161
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Shall we just make sure first?
162
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(DOORBELL RINGING)
163
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LIONEL: Yes, yes, yes!
164
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Don't open the door It could be anyone
165
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- But you just said
- No, just have a look first
166
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(GASPS)
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- What is it?
- Eyes
168
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Oh
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Li, hombre!
170
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You're in Bolivia
171
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- Alistair?
- Jean, hombre!
172
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You're in Bolivia
173
00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:45,059
I hate to argue with major-league people,
but I am here
174
00:08:45,140 --> 00:08:48,416
But you only phoned Judy a few hours ago
Even you can't travel that quickly
175
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:51,253
No, no, no That was Glasgow
My signal kept breaking up
176
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I was in Bolivia, that's what I said
177
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Well, that's sorted out
Nice to see you, Alistair, good night
178
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Lionel!
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00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:01,094
(JEAN SIGHING)
180
00:09:01,580 --> 00:09:04,856
- Always the joker, eh, Li?
- I wasn't joking Do you know what time it is?
181
00:09:04,940 --> 00:09:07,374
Well, tell you the truth,
I'm a bit out of sync with time at the moment
182
00:09:07,460 --> 00:09:10,099
I'm either eight hours behind or 14 hours in front
183
00:09:10,180 --> 00:09:13,092
Well, look, come in and sit down
Would you like something to eat?
184
00:09:13,260 --> 00:09:17,253
Oh, well No thanks, I had supper in Glasgow,
or was that breakfast in Monaco?
185
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:20,093
I was in Monaco before Glasgow I'm sure I was
186
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:22,375
I think I'll make a cup of tea
187
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:24,172
Isn't this great?
188
00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:27,858
I mean, here I am,
back in the bosom of the land that bore me
189
00:09:27,940 --> 00:09:29,931
with two of my favourite human beings
190
00:09:30,020 --> 00:09:32,978
- What's going on?
- Three of my favourite human beings
191
00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:34,135
Sorry
192
00:09:34,220 --> 00:09:36,370
- I thought you were in Bolivia
- No, let me explain that
193
00:09:36,460 --> 00:09:38,894
Oh, on the whole, Alistair, no, thank you
194
00:09:39,380 --> 00:09:42,656
- Sandy, is Judy awake?
- Not if she's got any sense, no
195
00:09:43,420 --> 00:09:46,412
- What's going on?
- Him Good night
196
00:09:47,180 --> 00:09:51,059
Hey, hey Don't you look a million dollars?
197
00:09:51,140 --> 00:09:54,098
No You said you were in Bolivia
198
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:57,297
I really must get a fifth-generation mobile
Was, was!
199
00:09:57,380 --> 00:10:01,373
- Well, I think Judy would like to know why
- Well Cheers, Li
200
00:10:01,460 --> 00:10:04,372
- Oh, thanks, Lionel
- Thanks, Lionel You are a love
201
00:10:07,860 --> 00:10:09,498
- Where was I?
- Bolivia
202
00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:12,617
- I think I'll go back to bed
- No, no, no, no Come on, sit
203
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:13,974
Okay, okay
204
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:17,492
Cutting through the husk to the pith,
205
00:10:18,140 --> 00:10:20,449
Alistair Deacon is back
206
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:24,859
Well, I don't mean here I mean there!
207
00:10:26,180 --> 00:10:29,172
- I'm a player again
- What's he talking about?
208
00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:30,659
- Well, it's obvious
- Money
209
00:10:30,740 --> 00:10:32,139
- Money
- Right
210
00:10:32,860 --> 00:10:36,694
You know how things have been
I mean, I was down I mean down
211
00:10:36,780 --> 00:10:39,340
- To your last million
- Exactly And
212
00:10:40,020 --> 00:10:42,250
- Don't go, Jean and Lionel
- No, we weren't going
213
00:10:42,340 --> 00:10:44,695
Because I want you to hear this as well
214
00:10:45,540 --> 00:10:49,419
I'm ready for the magic moment The big M
215
00:10:49,780 --> 00:10:52,453
Alistair Deacon is ready for marriage
216
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,417
Yeah To Judy
217
00:10:56,300 --> 00:11:00,088
You're ready for marriage
because you're back up there?
218
00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,490
- Because you're a player again?
- Right
219
00:11:02,980 --> 00:11:04,299
Wrong
220
00:11:14,660 --> 00:11:15,809
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
221
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:17,253
I'm asleep
222
00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:20,290
You used to say that when you were a little girl
223
00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:22,610
Yes, well, I've really matured, haven't I?
224
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:27,774
Look All this tearing round the world,
these weird meetings with weird people,
225
00:11:27,860 --> 00:11:29,816
Alistair is doing it for you
226
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:32,414
Yes, I know, but I don't want him to
227
00:11:32,780 --> 00:11:36,170
If I get married again,
I want it to be to someone who's there,
228
00:11:36,260 --> 00:11:39,889
not someone on the end of a mobile
about 15 time zones away
229
00:11:39,980 --> 00:11:43,609
And don't tell me that this latest venture
has got anything to do with publishing
230
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:45,133
No, I wasn't going to
231
00:11:45,220 --> 00:11:49,259
Look, when he was down, his version of down,
232
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,730
he was like a real person
233
00:11:52,020 --> 00:11:55,137
If that person had asked me to marry him
234
00:11:56,060 --> 00:11:57,891
Oh, well, what's he reverted to?
235
00:11:57,980 --> 00:12:01,655
He's like a mad battery toy
whose battery never runs down
236
00:12:01,740 --> 00:12:06,052
- Lionel isn't like that
- No, he's not He's more of the wind-up model
237
00:12:07,780 --> 00:12:10,852
- I'm proud of you, you know
- Well, what on earth for?
238
00:12:10,940 --> 00:12:13,852
Well, it's a rare woman
who wants her fella to make less money
239
00:12:13,940 --> 00:12:19,173
Well, maybe ex-fella
I mean, Alistair's not noted for his attention span
240
00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:22,889
He's probably on the phone
to Miss Bolivia right now
241
00:12:23,900 --> 00:12:25,458
Anyway
242
00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:27,579
Anyway
243
00:12:28,140 --> 00:12:30,335
- Good night, love
- Good night, Mum
244
00:12:30,420 --> 00:12:32,695
Oh, don't wake Lionel
245
00:12:32,980 --> 00:12:34,698
Oh, no Bless his cotton socks,
246
00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:37,533
he's got this thing about staying awake
until I'm in bed, too
247
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:38,655
(JEAN CHUCKLING)
248
00:12:41,060 --> 00:12:42,049
(SIGHING)
249
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:47,288
Now not only am I worried about Sandy,
but I'm worried about Judy
250
00:12:47,380 --> 00:12:50,292
(SNORING)
251
00:12:55,140 --> 00:12:57,335
JEAN: Thank you very much for coming
252
00:12:58,220 --> 00:12:59,699
- Goodbye
- Bye
253
00:13:18,700 --> 00:13:19,894
Jean?
254
00:13:21,180 --> 00:13:22,374
Jean!
255
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:28,739
Why are you back so soon?
You said you'd be longer than that
256
00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:30,936
- Longer than what?
- Than you were
257
00:13:31,020 --> 00:13:32,851
What were the police doing here?
258
00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:34,737
- They called round
- Why?
259
00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:38,175
- Because I asked them to
- Why?
260
00:13:38,620 --> 00:13:41,009
Because I reported a prowler
261
00:13:41,100 --> 00:13:44,297
- You didn't say anything to me about a prowler
- Oh, didn't I?
262
00:13:44,380 --> 00:13:47,053
Look, would you come out of there, please?
263
00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:51,171
First, you're messing about with that cupboard,
which you always do in times of stress
264
00:13:51,260 --> 00:13:53,569
I'm not messing about with it I'm rationalising it
265
00:13:53,660 --> 00:13:57,016
Which means taking everything out
and putting it all back again
266
00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:00,331
And secondly, I can't believe I'm saying this,
267
00:14:01,020 --> 00:14:05,138
you invent a prowler
in order to get the police round
268
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:08,656
in the hope that the police
will be represented by Harry?
269
00:14:10,340 --> 00:14:12,012
Well?
270
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:15,092
You think you're very clever sometimes, don't you?
271
00:14:16,420 --> 00:14:20,618
Not especially, but I do know
that I'm not given to fits of temporary insanity
272
00:14:24,340 --> 00:14:26,251
That was a very dangerous thing to do
273
00:14:26,340 --> 00:14:29,013
You could lock somebody in a cupboard
and they could suffocate
274
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:32,490
I was thinking of scrambling some eggs
to go with your scrambled brains
275
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:35,048
Look, it was a spur-of-the-moment thing
276
00:14:35,140 --> 00:14:37,700
I didn't have Harry's home number so I thought
277
00:14:37,780 --> 00:14:40,089
Well, I thought I'd phone him at the station
278
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,216
And do something simple
like ask to speak to him?
279
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:44,609
Yes, but then I suddenly thought,
well, what on earth do I say?
280
00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:48,056
"Hello, Harry, what is it you want to tell Sandy?"
Well, I couldn't say that, could I?
281
00:14:48,140 --> 00:14:49,493
No, I suppose not
282
00:14:49,580 --> 00:14:52,378
- Did you ask for him by name?
- No, of course not!
283
00:14:53,140 --> 00:14:55,608
I did suggest it was a job for a detective sergeant
284
00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:59,534
- Naturally
- So they sent the two constables instead
285
00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:02,578
Both nice lads One of them, Tony,
plays in a country and western band
286
00:15:02,660 --> 00:15:03,775
Does he really?
287
00:15:03,860 --> 00:15:06,328
- I suppose you think this is very funny
- No, almost tragic
288
00:15:06,420 --> 00:15:07,409
(PHONE RINGING)
289
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:09,092
Oh, I'll get it
290
00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:12,175
Hello? Oh, Harry!
291
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:13,974
(WHISPERING) It's Harry
292
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:17,568
Oh, you heard Yes, it was a frightening business
293
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:20,413
Yes Oh, my description?
294
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:24,573
Well, it's a bit vague
I mean, I didn't really get a good look at him
295
00:15:26,540 --> 00:15:28,019
Yes, I'm sure you will
296
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:30,739
Yes, and, Harry, while you're on the phone,
I was wondering if
297
00:15:30,820 --> 00:15:33,493
Oh, no Of course, of course, yes Goodbye
298
00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:37,656
He had to go
299
00:15:37,740 --> 00:15:40,334
- What?
- You gave the police a description
300
00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:42,376
of this nonexistent prowler?
301
00:15:42,460 --> 00:15:44,098
Well, they asked It was very vague
302
00:15:44,180 --> 00:15:45,249
(DOOR CLOSING)
303
00:15:45,340 --> 00:15:46,534
SANDY: It's only me!
304
00:15:46,620 --> 00:15:50,295
You know that the penalty
for wasting police time is 99 years' hard labour?
305
00:15:50,380 --> 00:15:54,134
- Well, at least I got to talk to Harry
- Yes, so you did A shame he had to go
306
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:55,289
Hi
307
00:15:55,380 --> 00:15:57,655
- Oh, hello, Sandy Are you all right?
- Yes, fine
308
00:15:57,740 --> 00:15:59,219
I just came home to change
309
00:15:59,300 --> 00:16:01,768
Suddenly remembered
I've got a business lunch and, well
310
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:04,135
- This won't do, will it?
- Not really
311
00:16:04,220 --> 00:16:05,573
Why not?
312
00:16:06,060 --> 00:16:08,176
- Anyway, I'll just go
- Look, Sandy, before you go,
313
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,012
I've just been talking to Harry on the phone
314
00:16:10,100 --> 00:16:12,250
- Harry?
- Yes He sends his love
315
00:16:12,380 --> 00:16:13,938
Says how much he's missing you
316
00:16:14,020 --> 00:16:17,251
and he'll be in touch soon,
but he's been very busy, so he'll see you soon
317
00:16:17,340 --> 00:16:20,571
- And you've just been talking to him?
- Yes, just a minute ago
318
00:16:20,660 --> 00:16:24,858
- Then why would he say all that?
- Well, because he's very fond of you
319
00:16:24,940 --> 00:16:27,010
He phoned me at work an hour ago
320
00:16:31,260 --> 00:16:34,252
- I'm seeing him tonight
- Good
321
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:38,214
So, what's going on?
322
00:16:43,060 --> 00:16:44,618
Do you mind if I ask you a question?
323
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,770
- Help yourself
- Okay
324
00:16:47,860 --> 00:16:49,851
You're a woman, right?
325
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:54,137
No, I'm not
326
00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:58,415
Stretch the mind Imagine you're a woman
327
00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:00,979
Try my best
328
00:17:01,540 --> 00:17:04,850
- Right, so
- Am I attractive?
329
00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:10,375
Very You've got, er, dark brown hair,
330
00:17:10,460 --> 00:17:13,850
beautiful big eyes, a smile that lights up a room
331
00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:15,771
and these lovely little dimples
332
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:17,293
Where?
333
00:17:17,980 --> 00:17:20,210
On your cheeks Get the picture?
334
00:17:20,980 --> 00:17:22,732
Quite fancy meself
335
00:17:23,980 --> 00:17:28,132
- Now, I ask you to marry me, okay
- This isn't the first date, is it?
336
00:17:28,660 --> 00:17:30,059
No, no, no, no
337
00:17:30,740 --> 00:17:34,528
Now, bear in mind that I have practically
circumnavigated the globe to get it right,
338
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:37,009
to make sure
that you have everything you could possibly want
339
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,692
What do you say?
340
00:17:38,780 --> 00:17:42,568
- Yeah I accept
- 'Cause it shows that I care, right?
341
00:17:42,660 --> 00:17:44,173
No, because I might be pretty,
342
00:17:44,260 --> 00:17:47,252
but there's no guarantee
I'll keep my looks forever, is there?
343
00:17:49,340 --> 00:17:51,376
- I'll have the same again
- Right
344
00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:57,057
But you know where I'm coming from, right?
I mean, you must have been in love yourself
345
00:17:57,140 --> 00:17:59,973
No, not me, mate I'm married
346
00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:03,332
(MOBILE RINGING)
347
00:18:05,020 --> 00:18:06,738
Alistair Deacon
348
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:08,412
Hey, hey, lovely lady
349
00:18:09,020 --> 00:18:10,135
Me?
350
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:14,295
Well, I might just be in a "set 'em up, Joe"
sort of a mood
351
00:18:15,420 --> 00:18:18,890
Well, you know, the song Frank Sinatra
352
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:21,172
♪ It's quarter to three
353
00:18:21,260 --> 00:18:24,411
♪ There's no one in the place
except you and me ♪
354
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:27,253
What? No, no, that's the barman
355
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:31,809
Well, yes, I suppose he has
She says you have a nice voice
356
00:18:32,060 --> 00:18:35,052
Thank you very much The girl with the dimples?
357
00:18:35,140 --> 00:18:36,573
No, it's her mother
358
00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:42,378
Convince her, Alistair
You've just got to convince her
359
00:18:42,460 --> 00:18:44,530
Look, I've got to go now,
but remember what I said
360
00:18:44,620 --> 00:18:48,090
- Yes, bye
- Old Mother Hubbard, I presume
361
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:51,776
- Look, I'm just making a phone call
- From a cupboard?
362
00:18:51,860 --> 00:18:54,613
Well, people make phone calls
from all sorts of places these days
363
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:57,658
Why can't you let people
just sort things out for themselves?
364
00:18:57,740 --> 00:18:58,934
Because they can't
365
00:18:59,020 --> 00:19:00,055
(DOORBELL RINGING)
366
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:01,493
That'll be Harry
367
00:19:03,220 --> 00:19:05,131
- Oh, come in, Harry
- Thanks
368
00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:08,735
- Good evening, sir Lionel
- Hello, Harry
369
00:19:08,820 --> 00:19:10,970
You go in and sit down I'll give Sandy a shout
370
00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:12,334
- Right
- Sandy!
371
00:19:12,420 --> 00:19:15,059
Incidentally, Harry,
any luck with this prowler business?
372
00:19:15,140 --> 00:19:19,258
Not from what I hear, no I mean, to be honest,
there's not really a lot to go on, you see
373
00:19:19,340 --> 00:19:22,696
- No, there isn't, is there?
- You just go in and sit down
374
00:19:22,780 --> 00:19:26,170
I'll give her a shout again Sandy!
Thank you for that
375
00:19:26,260 --> 00:19:28,057
I'm just civic-minded, that's all
376
00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:30,210
- Harry's here
- Yes, I guessed that
377
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:31,733
Is that what you're wearing?
378
00:19:31,820 --> 00:19:33,811
- What's wrong with it?
- Well, nothing, but Harry's here
379
00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:35,128
(SIGHING)
380
00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:46,375
(COUGHING)
381
00:19:46,460 --> 00:19:48,337
Oh, all right, all right
382
00:19:48,740 --> 00:19:52,699
- Oh, you look terrific
- Oh, I should have dressed up
383
00:19:52,780 --> 00:19:56,489
No, you don't need to be dressed up for me
You look terrific anyway
384
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,258
You always did
385
00:19:58,700 --> 00:20:02,010
- So, how's the rugby?
- Oh, great
386
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:05,410
Yeah, I've moved to outside centre this year
and it really suits my
387
00:20:06,220 --> 00:20:09,257
- You never did like rugby, did you?
- Not really, no
388
00:20:11,180 --> 00:20:13,330
- Jean said you had some news
- Yes
389
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,379
I'm going to Canada
390
00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:19,419
- Oh, that's nice A holiday?
- No, to work
391
00:20:19,780 --> 00:20:22,897
I've been offered the chance
of an attachment to the RCMP
392
00:20:23,420 --> 00:20:25,695
- The Mounties
- For a year
393
00:20:25,780 --> 00:20:27,418
Don't think I'll get a horse
394
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,172
- A year
- Yeah
395
00:20:29,620 --> 00:20:31,736
See, I wanted to tell you because
396
00:20:32,580 --> 00:20:35,048
Well, I didn't want to just disappear
397
00:20:35,620 --> 00:20:36,848
No
398
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,972
- Thank you
- It's a great opportunity
399
00:20:39,060 --> 00:20:40,971
Yes Yes, of course it is
400
00:20:42,620 --> 00:20:46,169
Well, let's Let's go out and have
that drink, then, shall we?
401
00:20:46,260 --> 00:20:47,613
Good idea
402
00:20:47,700 --> 00:20:51,659
- A sort of farewell drink, I suppose
- Well, it doesn't have to be
403
00:20:52,220 --> 00:20:54,859
- Why is that?
- I'm not going for a few weeks
404
00:20:57,700 --> 00:20:58,894
- Oh!
- Oh!
405
00:20:59,660 --> 00:21:02,857
Sorry Just wondered if Harry would like an apple
406
00:21:04,420 --> 00:21:05,455
An apple?
407
00:21:05,540 --> 00:21:08,134
No, no, thanks all the same
We're just going to go out for a drink
408
00:21:08,220 --> 00:21:11,576
- Oh, excellent Celebration?
- Yes, sort of
409
00:21:11,820 --> 00:21:16,018
Harry's going to Canada on attachment For a year
410
00:21:16,420 --> 00:21:17,933
Oh, is he?
411
00:21:18,620 --> 00:21:21,453
- And
- No That's it, really
412
00:21:22,020 --> 00:21:24,614
- See you later
- HARRY: Bye
413
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,180
You're turning transparency into an art form
414
00:21:31,260 --> 00:21:35,299
Harry's going on attachment to Canada for a year,
whatever that means
415
00:21:35,380 --> 00:21:37,940
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police, I suppose
416
00:21:38,300 --> 00:21:40,575
He won't have to wear
one of those silly hats, will he?
417
00:21:40,660 --> 00:21:43,777
- Is that all you can say?
- Offhand, yes
418
00:21:43,860 --> 00:21:47,011
- He didn't ask Sandy to go with him
- Oh
419
00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:50,456
- Well, wouldn't you?
- I can't see the Mounties wanting me
420
00:21:50,540 --> 00:21:54,533
- No lf, if!
- All right, then
421
00:21:54,620 --> 00:21:56,895
If I were young and single
422
00:21:57,660 --> 00:22:00,049
- and hadn't met you
- Oh, thank you
423
00:22:00,140 --> 00:22:04,656
I'd gallop up on my horse,
in my red coat and silly scout's hat,
424
00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:07,891
throw Sandy across my pommel and gallop off
425
00:22:07,980 --> 00:22:11,336
Well, there you are, then What's wrong with the
What's a pommel, anyway?
426
00:22:11,420 --> 00:22:12,933
Part of a saddle
427
00:22:13,020 --> 00:22:15,853
Anyway, women get thrown across them
in all the best books
428
00:22:15,940 --> 00:22:20,092
- Your reading leaves a lot to be desired
- Well, it was only an illustration
429
00:22:20,180 --> 00:22:23,695
Well, anyway, that's what he should be doing
or its equivalent What's he doing? Nothing
430
00:22:23,780 --> 00:22:27,455
You can't manufacture
happy endings for everybody, you know
431
00:22:27,540 --> 00:22:32,455
- Well, why not? We had one
- What do you mean, "had"? We're still having it
432
00:22:32,540 --> 00:22:35,134
Oh, yes How nice
433
00:22:35,580 --> 00:22:38,890
What about Sandy? What about Judy?
434
00:22:38,980 --> 00:22:42,336
- What about Judy?
- Oh, would you like an apple?
435
00:22:42,980 --> 00:22:46,655
- No, thanks What about Judy?
- Your mother wants some happy endings
436
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:51,768
Yeah, well, don't we all
Anyway, so what was Harry's news?
437
00:22:51,860 --> 00:22:55,136
He's going on attachment to Canada
and he's going alone
438
00:22:56,780 --> 00:22:58,771
Royal Canadian Mounted Police
439
00:22:59,140 --> 00:23:02,416
Lionel says he should ride up,
throw Sandy across his pommel
440
00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:05,139
- Across his what?
- His pommel, that's part of the saddle
441
00:23:05,220 --> 00:23:06,494
And gallop off with her
442
00:23:06,580 --> 00:23:09,140
- Not really Harry's style, though, is it?
- No
443
00:23:09,220 --> 00:23:13,133
- I remember Alistair turned up on a horse once
- Yes, so he did
444
00:23:13,220 --> 00:23:16,132
He was wearing a suit of armour He squeaked
445
00:23:16,220 --> 00:23:17,699
(DOORBELL RINGING)
446
00:23:17,780 --> 00:23:20,340
Sandy's had a row with Harry and she's back
447
00:23:20,420 --> 00:23:22,809
- Sandy has a key
- Oh
448
00:23:24,580 --> 00:23:26,218
- Hi, Li!
- Hello, Alistair, come in
449
00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:29,133
- It's Alistair Don't run off
- No, I wasn't going to
450
00:23:29,220 --> 00:23:31,131
People, I'm in a mood to blow some minds
451
00:23:31,220 --> 00:23:32,209
(MOBILE RINGING)
452
00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:34,530
Oh, your mobile's ringing
453
00:23:38,260 --> 00:23:41,332
And that's just an example
Judy, I need you in the garden
454
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:44,378
- No Why?
- Please Jean?
455
00:23:44,460 --> 00:23:46,337
Well, if you want to go into the garden,
go into the garden
456
00:23:46,420 --> 00:23:48,809
No, I meant for you to come into the garden,
too, and Li
457
00:23:48,900 --> 00:23:51,095
- Why?
- Oh, don't be a spoilsport
458
00:23:51,180 --> 00:23:52,329
Look, it's cold out there
459
00:23:52,420 --> 00:23:56,208
Yes, it is Look, Alistair,
if you've got something to say, just say it in here
460
00:23:56,300 --> 00:23:57,619
Okay
461
00:23:58,660 --> 00:23:59,979
Whatever
462
00:24:00,780 --> 00:24:03,578
I shall need a bin and some matches
463
00:24:03,660 --> 00:24:06,493
- Why?
- Don't keep saying "why" This is exciting
464
00:24:06,580 --> 00:24:07,854
Why?
465
00:24:08,660 --> 00:24:10,252
A bin and some matches, right
466
00:24:10,340 --> 00:24:13,696
- It is exciting, isn't it?
- I'd sooner not rush to a judgement
467
00:24:13,780 --> 00:24:15,259
(MOBILE RINGING)
468
00:24:15,340 --> 00:24:17,900
Oh, it's still alive
469
00:24:18,700 --> 00:24:20,770
(RINGING FADES)
470
00:24:23,620 --> 00:24:25,451
You've got to hand it to the Swedes
471
00:24:25,540 --> 00:24:28,373
- Is this going to be some sort of conjuring trick?
- Shh! Shh, Li!
472
00:24:28,460 --> 00:24:31,020
In a funny sort of a way, Li, it might be
473
00:24:31,100 --> 00:24:33,568
Judy, I want you to marry me
474
00:24:33,660 --> 00:24:36,970
I know you said no the last time,
but that was almost in another age
475
00:24:37,060 --> 00:24:40,257
- It was four days ago
- Whatever Anyway,
476
00:24:40,340 --> 00:24:43,059
I've realised I got it wrong
I've had it wrong for a long time
477
00:24:43,140 --> 00:24:45,290
You see, when I was broke,
478
00:24:45,380 --> 00:24:48,099
well, almost broke, you
479
00:24:48,340 --> 00:24:52,811
Well, you always found time to,
I don't know, like me
480
00:24:53,100 --> 00:24:56,376
- Well, of course I did
- But I couldn't quite believe it, you see
481
00:24:56,460 --> 00:24:59,497
Contrary to world opinion,
I don't think I'm worth very much as a person
482
00:24:59,580 --> 00:25:02,413
I've always thought
that I was just worth whatever I was worth
483
00:25:02,500 --> 00:25:03,649
Does this make any sense?
484
00:25:03,740 --> 00:25:07,016
- Look, you don't really need us
- Yes, of course he does
485
00:25:07,740 --> 00:25:12,860
Judy, I've been chasing the big bucks for you,
and I've finally realised that you don't want them
486
00:25:13,140 --> 00:25:15,608
All I hope is that you still want
487
00:25:15,700 --> 00:25:20,057
the stupid four-eyed twit
who's been chasing them because he loves you
488
00:25:20,940 --> 00:25:24,330
- Bin, please, Lionel
- Bin, Alistair
489
00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:29,571
- Matches, please, Lionel
- Matches, Alistair Is it a conjuring trick?
490
00:25:29,660 --> 00:25:30,979
(SHUSHING)
491
00:25:33,220 --> 00:25:36,690
Bolivia Athens Glasgow
492
00:25:37,660 --> 00:25:39,139
Monaco
493
00:25:39,580 --> 00:25:44,734
These are the contracts that will help set up
superdeaccom,
494
00:25:45,300 --> 00:25:46,938
which will make the big bucks
495
00:25:47,020 --> 00:25:50,899
But if you don't want them, Judy,
I don't want them, either
496
00:25:50,980 --> 00:25:55,258
- All I want is that you should marry me
- Oh!
497
00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:58,856
- I'll take that as a yes
- Yes
498
00:25:58,940 --> 00:26:00,453
Yes!
499
00:26:06,860 --> 00:26:10,296
Well, we don't want to throw money away
just for the sake of it
500
00:26:13,540 --> 00:26:15,098
Coffee's ready
501
00:26:15,180 --> 00:26:17,933
I said you'd just put it all back
What happened to rationalisation?
502
00:26:18,020 --> 00:26:20,534
Well, I don't have to rationalise it now
Judy's getting married
503
00:26:20,620 --> 00:26:21,609
Oh, I see
504
00:26:21,700 --> 00:26:24,134
ALISTAIR: I'll bring the car round
I'm parked just round the corner
505
00:26:24,220 --> 00:26:27,656
- Oh!
- Hasta la vista, Mom and Pop-in-law
506
00:26:27,740 --> 00:26:29,253
"Pop-in-law"?
507
00:26:29,340 --> 00:26:32,616
- We're going out to eat
- I'm so pleased for you, love
508
00:26:32,860 --> 00:26:35,169
- Thanks, Mum
- So am I
509
00:26:36,180 --> 00:26:37,374
Except
510
00:26:38,900 --> 00:26:41,858
- Except what?
- No "except" No, he didn't mean "except" at all
511
00:26:41,940 --> 00:26:43,419
No, I'm afraid I did
512
00:26:43,820 --> 00:26:48,018
I want you to be happy, Judy, but, erm,
I have to say this
513
00:26:49,260 --> 00:26:52,058
Alistair's grand gesture with those contracts
514
00:26:52,140 --> 00:26:56,656
A small voice in my brain keeps saying,
"Were they real contracts or just bits of paper?"
515
00:26:56,740 --> 00:26:58,856
- Lionel
- No, no, no It's all right,
516
00:26:59,500 --> 00:27:02,810
because a small voice in my brain
kept saying the same thing,
517
00:27:02,900 --> 00:27:05,653
but I could hardly get down
on my hands and knees and spoil the moment
518
00:27:05,740 --> 00:27:07,378
by reading them, could I?
519
00:27:07,580 --> 00:27:09,457
Either way, it doesn't matter
520
00:27:09,540 --> 00:27:13,613
Because somewhere in all that
the real Alistair said the right thing
521
00:27:14,340 --> 00:27:16,695
- Bye
- Bye
522
00:27:16,780 --> 00:27:18,008
Bye
523
00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:26,698
Oh, I found some photos of us in Los Angeles
524
00:27:26,780 --> 00:27:29,897
- When we stormed American television?
- Virtually, yes
525
00:27:30,540 --> 00:27:33,577
- Look
- I don't think I want to relive that experience
526
00:27:33,660 --> 00:27:36,128
- No look, it's Lillian Stevens
- Who?
527
00:27:36,220 --> 00:27:38,654
That lady we met over there
who sent us the card the other day
528
00:27:38,740 --> 00:27:43,211
The one you described as being tall
with long black hair and tight leather trousers
529
00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:50,379
- That's not the woman I meant
- No Obviously
530
00:27:50,460 --> 00:27:52,894
Funny how the mind plays tricks, isn't it?
531
00:27:53,940 --> 00:27:57,296
I could have sworn
I was describing Lillian Stevens
532
00:27:57,460 --> 00:27:58,859
Yes
533
00:27:59,660 --> 00:28:01,537
Who were you describing?
534
00:28:02,580 --> 00:28:04,889
- Coffee?
- Lionel
535
00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:06,974
Lionel!
536
00:28:11,740 --> 00:28:14,413
# You must remember this
537
00:28:14,580 --> 00:28:16,889
#A kiss is still a kiss
538
00:28:17,140 --> 00:28:20,337
#A sigh is just a sigh
539
00:28:22,540 --> 00:28:25,976
# The fundamental things apply
540
00:28:26,380 --> 00:28:29,975
#As time goes by
541
00:28:33,460 --> 00:28:35,849
#And when two lovers woo
542
00:28:36,300 --> 00:28:38,768
# They still say, "I love you"
543
00:28:38,940 --> 00:28:41,534
# On that you can rely
544
00:28:44,500 --> 00:28:48,698
# The world will always welcome lovers
545
00:28:50,220 --> 00:28:57,217
#As time goes by #
546
00:28:57,267 --> 00:29:01,817
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