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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,900 --> 00:00:11,619 # You must remember this 2 00:00:11,660 --> 00:00:14,333 # A kiss is still a kiss 3 00:00:14,380 --> 00:00:17,338 # A sigh is just a sigh 4 00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:23,575 # The fundamental things apply 5 00:00:23,620 --> 00:00:27,579 # As time goes by # 6 00:00:29,060 --> 00:00:31,494 Hello, Type For You agency. 7 00:00:31,540 --> 00:00:34,498 Yes, can you hold the line for a moment, please? Thanks. 8 00:00:37,540 --> 00:00:39,815 - Are you in? - Who is it? 9 00:00:39,860 --> 00:00:41,976 - Lionel Hardcastle. - I'm out. 10 00:00:42,020 --> 00:00:44,170 - For long? - Try a decade. 11 00:00:47,260 --> 00:00:51,299 Hello, Mr Hardcastle. I'm sorry, but Miss Pargetter is out at the moment. 12 00:00:51,340 --> 00:00:52,819 Oh, not for long. 13 00:00:52,860 --> 00:00:54,851 Ten years or so. 14 00:00:58,580 --> 00:01:00,889 - Ten years or so. - (Doorbell) 15 00:01:05,780 --> 00:01:07,179 Bye. 16 00:01:07,220 --> 00:01:09,893 Li, hi. Must fly. 17 00:01:10,860 --> 00:01:14,057 - Win fan ling chang. - Pardon? 18 00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:17,729 Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we were conversing in Chinese. 19 00:01:17,780 --> 00:01:19,771 What? 20 00:01:20,740 --> 00:01:23,538 I see. Nice one, Li. 21 00:01:23,580 --> 00:01:25,810 No, no, I mean, I've only got five minutes. 22 00:01:25,860 --> 00:01:28,420 And you're devoting them all to me? I'm touched. 23 00:01:28,460 --> 00:01:31,770 You'd better come in. Run in might be a better idea. 24 00:01:32,860 --> 00:01:34,691 Thing is, Lionel, er... 25 00:01:34,740 --> 00:01:36,412 your manuscript... 26 00:01:36,460 --> 00:01:38,337 - We love it! - Good. 27 00:01:38,380 --> 00:01:41,975 - But it isn't quite right. - Oh, for goodness' sake, Alistair. 28 00:01:42,020 --> 00:01:45,933 I put a lot of work into that book. I've made all the revisions you asked for. 29 00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:48,699 I know, I know, and we are thrilled. 30 00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:51,618 - You're thrilled, but it isn't quite right? - No. 31 00:01:51,660 --> 00:01:55,335 - So it's bad? - No, no, no, no, no, no, we love it! 32 00:01:55,380 --> 00:01:57,848 Is it me or are we going round in circles? 33 00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:01,256 Put it this way - your manuscript, and we do love it, 34 00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:03,498 is there... 35 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:06,100 but it's not there. 36 00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:09,699 Would it help if we went back to Chinese? 37 00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,575 It needs... 38 00:02:12,620 --> 00:02:14,975 - It needs... What's the word? - Burning? 39 00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:18,217 - Humanising. - Oh, humanising. 40 00:02:18,260 --> 00:02:20,455 - Yes. - What are you talking about? 41 00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:22,968 Look, it has people in it, I'm in it. 42 00:02:23,020 --> 00:02:25,978 And, contrary to what some people think, I am human. 43 00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:27,692 Yes, but not in the book. 44 00:02:27,740 --> 00:02:31,050 You're a cipher. All people in the book are ciphers. 45 00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:32,613 They need to be... 46 00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:35,174 They need to be... people. 47 00:02:35,220 --> 00:02:37,290 The people in the book need to be people? 48 00:02:37,340 --> 00:02:39,137 - You got it. - Are you sure? 49 00:02:39,180 --> 00:02:42,092 It won't take a lot more work, Lionel. 50 00:02:42,140 --> 00:02:44,415 One last push and we have a book. 51 00:02:44,460 --> 00:02:48,135 We have real chances, we could even be talking screen rights. 52 00:02:48,180 --> 00:02:50,774 - (Chuckles) - You could be played by, er... 53 00:02:51,460 --> 00:02:53,894 Robert Redford. 54 00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:56,613 Robert Red? Aren't we getting ahead of ourselves? 55 00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:58,059 Listen, mate. 56 00:02:58,100 --> 00:03:02,412 If you don't get ahead of yourself, you'll finish where you started. 57 00:03:02,460 --> 00:03:04,735 I'll think about that. But this humanising... 58 00:03:04,780 --> 00:03:07,089 It won't take you long, maybe a week. 59 00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:10,610 It'll be worth it, Lionel. It'll pay off, I promise it will. 60 00:03:10,660 --> 00:03:12,491 All right, I'll try. 61 00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:14,337 Good man. 62 00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:16,336 Oh, er... 63 00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:20,498 As long as I'm here, there's a bit of, er... personal biz I'd like to clear up. 64 00:03:20,540 --> 00:03:23,100 - Personal biz? - Yes. 65 00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:26,010 - Jean. - What about her? 66 00:03:26,060 --> 00:03:28,528 If I lay it on line would I step on any toes? 67 00:03:28,580 --> 00:03:30,377 Could you lay it on another line? 68 00:03:31,060 --> 00:03:32,857 I, er... 69 00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:34,618 I fancy her like crazy. 70 00:03:34,660 --> 00:03:37,493 - Do you? - I know what you're going to say. 71 00:03:37,540 --> 00:03:38,939 I'm too young. 72 00:03:38,980 --> 00:03:42,655 I was going to say she's too old, but it's the same thing. 73 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:45,976 - Not that it's any of my business. - That's what I wanted to hear. 74 00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:47,817 I, er... 75 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:50,135 I wouldn't be stepping on your toes? Hmm? 76 00:03:51,140 --> 00:03:53,131 Well, it's a freeish country. 77 00:03:53,180 --> 00:03:55,216 Right. (Chuckles) 78 00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:58,730 I like that, freeish. (Laughs) Can I use it? 79 00:03:59,460 --> 00:04:01,451 Feel freeish. 80 00:04:02,820 --> 00:04:04,219 See you, then, mate. 81 00:04:04,260 --> 00:04:07,297 Oh, and, er, remember - 82 00:04:07,340 --> 00:04:10,412 push, push and, er... 83 00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:11,939 humanise. 84 00:04:11,980 --> 00:04:13,572 Push, push and humanise. 85 00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:16,214 - Bye, Li. - Bye-bye, Alistair. 86 00:04:16,260 --> 00:04:18,455 - (Door shuts) - Oh. Hm. 87 00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:21,491 Robert Redford. (Chuckles) 88 00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:28,094 Oh, Paul, that's excellent. Yes. 89 00:04:28,140 --> 00:04:31,894 Well, bike the contract round to me, and I'll sign it straightaway. 90 00:04:31,940 --> 00:04:34,295 Oh, lovely, thanks, Paul. Bye. 91 00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:40,136 These have just come for you. 92 00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,614 We've got the new premises in Brompton Road. 93 00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:45,254 - My signature on the contract and they're ours. - Good. 94 00:04:45,300 --> 00:04:47,450 - These came for you. - Yes. 95 00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,297 - They're flowers. - Yes. 96 00:04:49,340 --> 00:04:53,333 Green stalks with coloured bits on the end. I can see that. 97 00:04:53,380 --> 00:04:56,577 - We've got a new branch! - Do you want me to do cartwheels? 98 00:04:56,620 --> 00:05:02,013 Well, be glad for me. All the work I've put into this agency, it's paying off. 99 00:05:02,060 --> 00:05:04,449 I am glad for you, you deserve it. 100 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:09,130 - But why aren't you excited about the flowers? - Probably a business thank you. 101 00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:14,254 Somebody's secretary did a good job, send them a thank you letter and flowers. 102 00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:17,133 What would you prefer, a box of cigars? 103 00:05:17,180 --> 00:05:19,410 They don't have to be a business thing. 104 00:05:20,620 --> 00:05:22,611 They could be from Lionel. 105 00:05:23,380 --> 00:05:26,816 - Why would Lionel send flowers? - You were in love, Mum. 106 00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,851 That was 38 years ago. 107 00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:31,334 They can't have taken that long to arrive. 108 00:05:31,380 --> 00:05:33,336 Perhaps they're a new thought. 109 00:05:33,380 --> 00:05:35,735 He's got a new thought, we met her in Norwich. 110 00:05:35,780 --> 00:05:37,816 Well, perhaps he's apologising. 111 00:05:37,860 --> 00:05:40,818 There's nothing to apologise for. 112 00:05:40,860 --> 00:05:45,809 If he chooses to spend the night with a loudmouth, that's his business. 113 00:05:45,860 --> 00:05:47,418 I bet they are from Lionel. 114 00:05:47,460 --> 00:05:49,337 I bet you a lunch they're a business thank you. 115 00:05:49,380 --> 00:05:51,257 I bet you a lunch they're from Lionel. 116 00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:55,852 - They're from Alistair. - I see. 117 00:05:57,660 --> 00:06:02,336 It's a sort of business thank you. We put the manuscript in order for him. 118 00:06:02,380 --> 00:06:07,773 "Age cannot wither her nor custom stale her infinite variety." 119 00:06:09,580 --> 00:06:13,334 A business thank you? From Alistair to Cleopatra. 120 00:06:14,940 --> 00:06:17,977 - You have them. - Oh, I'm not Cleopatra. 121 00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:20,738 Neither am I. 122 00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:25,649 - Alistair obviously thinks you are. - Then he needs stronger lenses. 123 00:06:25,700 --> 00:06:28,294 - Look, it's your own fault. - What is? 124 00:06:28,340 --> 00:06:31,093 These are. You practically vamped him in Norwich. 125 00:06:31,140 --> 00:06:33,176 - Vamped? - You were all over him. 126 00:06:33,220 --> 00:06:36,895 "Oh, yes, Alistair, I'd like to have a night cap at the hotel." 127 00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:41,411 Goo-goo eyes, the lot, just because Lionel turned up with his local bit of stuff. 128 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:43,655 Well, I was piqued. I resent vamped. 129 00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:45,770 Alistair obviously went for it. 130 00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:48,015 Yes, he did, didn't he? 131 00:06:48,060 --> 00:06:49,573 Don't look so smug. 132 00:06:49,620 --> 00:06:51,417 Well, it's a bit of a boost, isn't it? 133 00:06:51,460 --> 00:06:56,136 I'm on the verge of getting a tight perm and taking a coach out into Worthing, 134 00:06:56,180 --> 00:06:58,933 then an attractive young man sends me flowers. 135 00:06:58,980 --> 00:07:01,494 I find that rather tacky. 136 00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:04,134 - You like Alistair, don't you? - He's all right. 137 00:07:04,180 --> 00:07:06,011 (Phone) 138 00:07:06,060 --> 00:07:07,971 Hello, Judith Hanson. 139 00:07:08,020 --> 00:07:10,534 - Oh, hello, Alistair. - Oh. 140 00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:12,730 Mum? No, she's at the chiropodist. 141 00:07:15,340 --> 00:07:20,095 No, no, it's nothing serious, just her weekly visit to get her corns seen to. 142 00:07:27,540 --> 00:07:32,136 Mr Hardcastle, how nice to have you with us again. 143 00:07:32,180 --> 00:07:35,092 - I can't stay away. - You'll be staying for? 144 00:07:35,140 --> 00:07:38,257 Don't worry, as short a time as possible. 145 00:07:38,300 --> 00:07:42,293 I'll need somewhere to work. Is that room I used before free? 146 00:07:42,980 --> 00:07:46,370 - Room, sir? Do you mean the Anson Suite? - It's a room. 147 00:07:46,420 --> 00:07:48,456 We call it the Anson Suite. 148 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:49,979 I see. 149 00:07:50,020 --> 00:07:52,090 What do you call the room you're giving me? 150 00:07:52,140 --> 00:07:54,290 Room 405. 151 00:07:55,020 --> 00:07:57,215 Doesn't have the same ring, does it? 152 00:07:58,460 --> 00:08:00,416 We could offer you a junior suite, sir. 153 00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:03,334 Does that have child-sized furniture? 154 00:08:05,260 --> 00:08:09,299 It has a small sitting room and a complimentary bowl of fruit. 155 00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:12,688 Bath towels big enough to dry yourself off? 156 00:08:13,740 --> 00:08:15,810 Our standard bath towels, sir. 157 00:08:15,860 --> 00:08:17,896 I'll have the room in the Anson Suite. 158 00:08:17,940 --> 00:08:19,453 Very good, sir. 159 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,491 Do enjoy your stay with us. 160 00:08:23,780 --> 00:08:25,771 You missed me, didn't you? 161 00:08:28,220 --> 00:08:30,211 - Terribly. - (Phone) 162 00:08:31,980 --> 00:08:35,290 - Hello, Sandy. - Oh, hello, Mr Hardcastle. 163 00:08:35,340 --> 00:08:37,490 - Is she? - She's out. 164 00:08:38,660 --> 00:08:42,812 You're the one who informed me Miss Pargetter would be out for ten years. 165 00:08:42,860 --> 00:08:45,135 - I just do as I'm told. - Mmm. 166 00:08:46,220 --> 00:08:48,211 I'll wait. 167 00:08:52,980 --> 00:08:56,052 - Miss Pargetter is out. - So you say. 168 00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:03,780 Lovely, aren't they? 169 00:09:03,820 --> 00:09:05,856 I stole these from a cemetery. 170 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:09,730 When will she be back? And don't say ten years. 171 00:09:09,780 --> 00:09:13,693 She's a very busy woman. Those are from your publisher, by the way. 172 00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:15,776 Really? 173 00:09:15,820 --> 00:09:17,492 Yours are very sweet too. 174 00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:20,532 - Thank you. Would you like them? - No, thank you. 175 00:09:20,580 --> 00:09:22,298 - (Door opens) - Ah. 176 00:09:22,340 --> 00:09:25,696 - Oh. It's you. - Yes, it is. 177 00:09:25,740 --> 00:09:30,211 Mr Hardcastle insisted on waiting. He's brought you some lovely flowers. 178 00:09:34,020 --> 00:09:37,171 Perhaps you can find an ink well to put them in. 179 00:09:37,780 --> 00:09:40,055 They're sweet. 180 00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:42,375 - Those are from Alis... - I know. 181 00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:51,260 How was your night cap in Norwich? 182 00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:53,291 Rather flattering, to tell the truth. 183 00:09:53,340 --> 00:09:57,049 - How was your overnight accommodation? - She slung me out. 184 00:09:57,100 --> 00:09:59,933 I don't see why you're flattered by a 12-year-old boy. 185 00:09:59,980 --> 00:10:01,618 - Don't you? (Chuckles) - No, I don't. 186 00:10:01,660 --> 00:10:04,094 - What's funny? - You being slung out. 187 00:10:04,140 --> 00:10:08,258 He's not exactly what you call a well-rounded character, is he? 188 00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:10,575 Who says I'm interested in well-rounded characters? 189 00:10:10,620 --> 00:10:12,975 - He's an intellectual vacuum. - Good-looking. 190 00:10:14,540 --> 00:10:17,213 I didn't know you were coming to Norwich. 191 00:10:17,260 --> 00:10:18,852 Why did you come, anyway? 192 00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:20,891 To hear your lecture. 193 00:10:21,540 --> 00:10:23,258 What if you had known? 194 00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:24,972 Well... 195 00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:27,454 I only knew Denise on and off, you know. 196 00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:31,092 You could have phrased that more delicately. 197 00:10:33,340 --> 00:10:35,615 If you think Alistair is an intellectual vacuum, 198 00:10:35,660 --> 00:10:38,220 then Denise must rank as an intellectual black hole. 199 00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:39,693 - Must have. - What? 200 00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:43,289 Must have ranked, I shan't be seeing her again. 201 00:10:43,340 --> 00:10:44,898 Send her some flowers. 202 00:10:44,940 --> 00:10:46,771 You're very flippant today. 203 00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:49,380 - I've acquired a new branch office. - Oh. 204 00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:51,729 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 205 00:10:51,780 --> 00:10:54,089 - Do you really think he's good-looking? - Yes. 206 00:10:54,140 --> 00:10:56,051 Strange taste. 207 00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:58,978 - I thought you were good-looking. - Did you? 208 00:10:59,020 --> 00:11:01,454 Well, yes, I suppose I was. 209 00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:04,139 Anyway, about Alistair, it's because of him I'm here. 210 00:11:04,940 --> 00:11:06,931 - What do you mean? - The book. 211 00:11:06,980 --> 00:11:11,258 - I have to do more damn revisions. - And you need secretarial assistance. 212 00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,814 I'm back at the hotel, so it's proper. 213 00:11:13,860 --> 00:11:15,498 Could I have, er, Sandy? 214 00:11:16,340 --> 00:11:19,173 - She's my secretary. - I know, but I like her. 215 00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:22,178 - Does she like you? - I shouldn't think so. We get on. 216 00:11:22,220 --> 00:11:24,051 - I'll ask her. - Tell her. 217 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,931 Ask. 218 00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:30,692 Yes, all right, why not? I'm battle-hardened now. 219 00:11:30,740 --> 00:11:34,415 - I'll send someone else if you like. - No, I like him. 220 00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:37,532 - Why? - That's a funny question coming from you. 221 00:11:37,580 --> 00:11:41,050 - You were in love with him, weren't you? - Oh, Judith's been chattering. 222 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,455 Well, weren't you? 223 00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:46,333 Well, it was a long time ago. 224 00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:49,773 I wasn't in love long enough to know whether I liked him. 225 00:11:49,820 --> 00:11:53,733 Well, I do. I shouldn't really, because I don't think he likes me. 226 00:11:53,780 --> 00:11:55,577 Well, off you go, then. 227 00:11:55,620 --> 00:11:58,578 You two have a basis for a beautiful friendship. 228 00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:04,896 (Lionel) Page 37, I refer to a Colonel Austin. 229 00:12:05,540 --> 00:12:07,974 - Yes. - I describe him as tall. 230 00:12:08,020 --> 00:12:11,695 - True. - Right. Now, then, add... 231 00:12:11,740 --> 00:12:13,219 "with a moustache". 232 00:12:14,460 --> 00:12:17,054 - What sort of moustache? - I don't know, a moustache. 233 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:19,056 You know, hair on the upper lip. 234 00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:22,775 - Tall with a moustache. - Correct. 235 00:12:22,820 --> 00:12:24,811 - Next. - What about his wife? 236 00:12:24,860 --> 00:12:27,932 - What about his wife? - Did she have a moustache? 237 00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:30,531 Course she didn't. You being facetious? 238 00:12:30,580 --> 00:12:32,889 No, but you don't describe her at all. 239 00:12:32,940 --> 00:12:34,498 She's just a blob. 240 00:12:34,540 --> 00:12:37,532 "Colonel Austin's wife", poor woman. 241 00:12:37,580 --> 00:12:40,219 She won't mind, she must be dead by now. 242 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:43,730 - You decided to describe everybody. - All right, all right. 243 00:12:43,780 --> 00:12:45,896 Colonel Austin's wife... 244 00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:51,779 - I can't remember what she looked like. - Invent. Poetic licence. 245 00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:55,017 - This isn't a work of fiction. - I think you should say something. 246 00:12:55,060 --> 00:13:00,054 All right. "Colonel Austin's wife, whom I don't remember very well". 247 00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:02,011 You can't put that. 248 00:13:02,060 --> 00:13:04,654 Then put "Colonel Austin's wife, a blob". 249 00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:10,210 - You're not enjoying this, are you? - Is it worth it? 250 00:13:10,260 --> 00:13:12,774 It's just a book, I wrote it. 251 00:13:12,820 --> 00:13:15,539 Alistair talked about publishing it. 252 00:13:15,580 --> 00:13:18,936 Now all I get is, "We love it, but keep on mucking about with it." 253 00:13:18,980 --> 00:13:21,255 Think of it as polishing a diamond. 254 00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,736 That really does require a leap of the imagination. 255 00:13:24,780 --> 00:13:29,456 - Where were we? - You described Colonel Austin's wife as a blob. 256 00:13:29,500 --> 00:13:31,650 Leave her for a bit. 257 00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:34,009 Oh, leave it all for a bit. 258 00:13:34,740 --> 00:13:39,256 Look, I hate to sound like a hooker, but you are paying for my time. 259 00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:42,656 Let's assume I'm resting between bouts of ecstasy. 260 00:13:45,500 --> 00:13:48,014 - Would you like a mint? - No, thank you. 261 00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:51,738 Miss Pargetter. 262 00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:53,338 What about her? 263 00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:56,053 What was she like, when you first met her? 264 00:13:57,140 --> 00:13:58,971 Young. 265 00:13:59,020 --> 00:14:01,090 Go on. 266 00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:03,859 There was a warmth about her. 267 00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:08,291 Oh, she had a temper, her eyes could go quite flinty. 268 00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:11,731 She had that rarest of qualities. 269 00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:15,011 The ability to forgive without a hint of rancour. 270 00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:18,211 She never tried to be anything. 271 00:14:20,140 --> 00:14:22,893 She was someone you never wanted to hurt. 272 00:14:24,260 --> 00:14:26,216 I remember once... 273 00:14:27,420 --> 00:14:29,058 (Sandy) Yes? 274 00:14:30,940 --> 00:14:32,931 And she was short. 275 00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:36,699 Funny. 276 00:14:36,740 --> 00:14:39,812 - What is? - You got almost poetic there. 277 00:14:39,860 --> 00:14:43,375 And all you can remember of Colonel Austin's wife many years later 278 00:14:43,420 --> 00:14:44,853 is that she was just a blob. 279 00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:48,415 I didn't share the same experience with Mrs Austin. 280 00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:52,373 - Makes a difference. - Well, obviously it makes a difference. 281 00:14:52,420 --> 00:14:55,651 - Anything else? - Shall we get on? 282 00:14:55,700 --> 00:14:58,168 Whenever you like. 283 00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:00,618 Page... 284 00:15:01,540 --> 00:15:04,054 If Alistair hadn't mentioned a film, I'd burn this. 285 00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:05,692 Tons of money in a film. 286 00:15:05,740 --> 00:15:08,208 He talked about Robert Redford playing me. 287 00:15:08,260 --> 00:15:10,251 (Laughs) 288 00:15:11,540 --> 00:15:15,010 All right. He tends to get carried away, it is absurd. 289 00:15:15,060 --> 00:15:17,290 Of course it is, anyway he's too old. 290 00:15:17,340 --> 00:15:18,819 - Do you think so? - Yes. 291 00:15:18,860 --> 00:15:21,693 You're a young man at the start of the book. 292 00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:24,497 We're not getting on. 293 00:15:24,540 --> 00:15:27,054 Weren't you resting between bouts of ecstasy? 294 00:15:27,100 --> 00:15:29,614 No, between bouts of bewilderment. 295 00:15:29,660 --> 00:15:33,653 Look at it, My Life In Kenya. Make a film out of it? 296 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:37,295 I can't even make a book out of it. Bloody publishers! 297 00:15:39,140 --> 00:15:43,053 - Well, that wasn't very clever, was it? - Well, I don't feel very clever. 298 00:15:43,940 --> 00:15:45,737 - How's it going? - Oh. 299 00:15:45,780 --> 00:15:48,533 Ah. It can't have been a gust of wind, 300 00:15:48,580 --> 00:15:51,253 - it must have been a fit of pique. - I'm fed up with it. 301 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:54,770 - What are you doing here? - Popped in to see how things were. 302 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:56,811 That just about says it, really. 303 00:15:59,380 --> 00:16:01,894 - Come on. - You're the secretary. 304 00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:04,215 You threw the papers on the floor. 305 00:16:04,260 --> 00:16:07,252 What's the problem, apart from the bad temper? 306 00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:10,130 Well, it's this humanising business. 307 00:16:10,180 --> 00:16:12,569 Alistair thought if I described the characters more fully... 308 00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:14,929 - That's a good idea. - Only he can't. 309 00:16:14,980 --> 00:16:17,255 Just because I can't remember what Colonel's wife looked like. 310 00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:22,010 It's not her. Those you have described are like descriptions in a passport. 311 00:16:22,060 --> 00:16:24,620 They're either short people or tall people. 312 00:16:24,660 --> 00:16:26,537 People are either short or tall. 313 00:16:26,580 --> 00:16:29,378 - Unless they're of medium height. - You don't have to stay. 314 00:16:29,420 --> 00:16:30,899 I can't, I've got a lunch. 315 00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:34,091 One person he described beautifully, and she's not in the book. 316 00:16:34,140 --> 00:16:36,176 - Who's that? - (Sandy) You. 317 00:16:38,740 --> 00:16:41,857 - I see. - You came up in the conversation. 318 00:16:42,780 --> 00:16:45,214 - Why? - It was my fault. 319 00:16:45,260 --> 00:16:49,412 - There you are. - It was never your forté, gallantry, was it? 320 00:16:49,460 --> 00:16:53,612 The way I feel at the moment, I don't have a forté of any kind at all. 321 00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:56,299 Oh, look, you can't give up now. 322 00:16:56,340 --> 00:17:00,891 - Well, perhaps if you help. - Me? I don't know about humanising. 323 00:17:00,940 --> 00:17:02,532 Ask Alistair. 324 00:17:02,580 --> 00:17:05,094 I'm not crawling back to him. He told me what he wanted. 325 00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:09,611 If say I don't know what he's talking about, I'll look like a silly old fool. 326 00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,010 Oh, well, I've got to go to lunch. 327 00:17:16,020 --> 00:17:18,136 - Oh, look, Lionel. - Hmm? 328 00:17:18,180 --> 00:17:21,297 Come to my house this evening, I'll try and help. 329 00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:25,572 - I wouldn't want to be a nuisance. - Don't go humble, it doesn't suit you. 330 00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:28,134 - Eightish? - Thanks. 331 00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:30,171 Don't bother to get up. 332 00:17:34,660 --> 00:17:38,209 - This is going to take hours. - Oh, bugger it, let's have some lunch. 333 00:17:38,260 --> 00:17:40,296 I don't usually lunch with clients. 334 00:17:40,340 --> 00:17:43,616 - Think of me as a sinking ship. - Oh, that's all right. 335 00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:45,651 I always have lunch with sinking ships. 336 00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:51,329 Do you think we can have it on the floor? I've stiffened up. 337 00:17:56,020 --> 00:17:57,169 - (Doorbell) - (Judith) I'll go. 338 00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:58,733 Are you decent? 339 00:17:58,780 --> 00:18:00,930 Incredibly. 340 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:05,532 - Hello, Lionel. - Hello, Judith. Oh, going out? 341 00:18:06,180 --> 00:18:09,775 - Hello. - Does she always opens the door like that? 342 00:18:09,820 --> 00:18:12,254 - Like what? - So quickly. 343 00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:15,576 Most people peer out first, she flings it wide open. 344 00:18:15,620 --> 00:18:19,408 - I never thought of it. - Something to do with body language. 345 00:18:19,460 --> 00:18:22,850 - Do you know much about body language? - Very inhibiting, I know that. 346 00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:28,418 We're now unable to sit comfortably without making it a sexual invitation or a rebuff. 347 00:18:28,460 --> 00:18:30,212 Do sit down. 348 00:18:35,340 --> 00:18:39,652 - What's that? - Oh, this is gratitude. 349 00:18:40,460 --> 00:18:43,691 - I bought you these. - Oh, thank you. 350 00:18:43,740 --> 00:18:47,574 - Don't tell me. Alistair. - It's getting silly, isn't it? 351 00:18:47,620 --> 00:18:51,295 - You should never have encouraged him. - Don't let's start that again. 352 00:18:51,340 --> 00:18:52,739 Have you eaten? 353 00:18:52,780 --> 00:18:54,691 Well, I tried a club sandwich at the hotel, 354 00:18:54,740 --> 00:18:57,732 but it tasted as though it had been made during the Blitz. 355 00:18:57,780 --> 00:19:00,578 - Scrambled eggs all right? - Excellent. 356 00:19:00,620 --> 00:19:05,375 I should have brought some wine but I suppose you've already got a few case from Alistair. 357 00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:07,411 Only a couple. 358 00:19:18,100 --> 00:19:20,091 (Judith) I think the box is garish, anyway. 359 00:19:20,140 --> 00:19:22,335 Oh. Big, though. 360 00:19:22,380 --> 00:19:25,133 Yes. Do I look all right? 361 00:19:26,340 --> 00:19:28,649 You look very good indeed. 362 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:32,534 - I don't like my body. - I've never met a woman who does. 363 00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:35,172 I do, for what it's worth. 364 00:19:35,940 --> 00:19:37,453 Thank you. 365 00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:40,572 Mum will never eat all those. There must be half a hundredweight there. 366 00:19:40,620 --> 00:19:43,373 He should be sending them to you, really. 367 00:19:43,420 --> 00:19:45,980 - Ah. Indelicate? - Stupid. 368 00:19:46,020 --> 00:19:48,818 - Oh. - No, not you, me. 369 00:19:48,860 --> 00:19:53,012 If Mum's in the same room, I might as well be wallpaper to Alistair. 370 00:19:53,060 --> 00:19:55,130 - Plain wallpaper. - What is it about this man? 371 00:19:55,180 --> 00:19:57,978 He's a silly twerp who can't speak English. 372 00:19:58,020 --> 00:20:00,090 No, he's very clever actually. 373 00:20:00,140 --> 00:20:04,656 He's good-looking, funny, well-off, successful. 374 00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:06,975 Well, if you're going to go for the obvious. 375 00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:11,457 - Where are you going? - I am eating with a crowd. 376 00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:12,899 Less than a thousand? 377 00:20:12,940 --> 00:20:17,092 Well, seven or nine. Has to be an odd number to include me. 378 00:20:17,140 --> 00:20:22,897 Twice divorced, lives with her mother, good sport and not really a threat. 379 00:20:22,940 --> 00:20:27,092 If that's what the women in the party think then they don't have eyes. 380 00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:30,578 What a nice thing to say. 381 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:33,418 It's not like me, I must be mellowing. 382 00:20:34,660 --> 00:20:36,855 I must be going. Bye, Mum. 383 00:20:36,900 --> 00:20:39,209 (Jean) Have a nice time! 384 00:20:39,260 --> 00:20:42,696 - I must go. - Go on, then, be a threat. 385 00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:48,090 (Judith) Bye. (Jean) Bye. 386 00:20:48,140 --> 00:20:50,335 I hope they're scrambled and not beaten to death. 387 00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:51,972 Thank you. 388 00:20:53,140 --> 00:20:55,256 I've never tasted your cooking. 389 00:20:55,300 --> 00:21:00,010 If you said that to me 38 years ago, I'd have been a nervous wreck. 390 00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:02,574 - Mm, very good. - Then I'd have glowed. 391 00:21:03,620 --> 00:21:06,896 Then I'd have thought, "My God, she can cook as well." 392 00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:10,692 - Then, then, then. - Yes. 393 00:21:11,620 --> 00:21:13,497 Let's have some wine. 394 00:21:13,540 --> 00:21:16,771 - Not really Alistair's, is it? - What if it were? 395 00:21:16,820 --> 00:21:19,414 I'd still drink it. I'd pull a lot of faces, though. 396 00:21:23,660 --> 00:21:25,298 There's no good sulking. 397 00:21:25,340 --> 00:21:28,696 I'm not sulking. I can accept constructive criticism. 398 00:21:28,740 --> 00:21:34,098 The book, to me, is a cross between a handbook for growing coffee and a guide to Kenya. 399 00:21:34,140 --> 00:21:36,131 - And that's constructive? - Yes. 400 00:21:36,180 --> 00:21:39,650 It doesn't it reveal anything about the author. My Life In Kenya. 401 00:21:39,700 --> 00:21:41,418 - And that's a boring title? - Agreed. 402 00:21:41,460 --> 00:21:43,894 But while it is the title, who's the me in my? 403 00:21:43,940 --> 00:21:47,330 - Me, obviously. - Then let your readers know about it. 404 00:21:47,380 --> 00:21:50,417 Let them know who you are, drop a veil or two. 405 00:21:50,460 --> 00:21:52,371 I'm not a belly dancer. 406 00:21:52,420 --> 00:21:56,174 - What I'm like is not my readers' business. - You don't have any readers. 407 00:21:56,220 --> 00:21:59,530 The book won't be published unless you open up a bit. 408 00:21:59,580 --> 00:22:01,616 - All right, give me an example. - Your wife. 409 00:22:01,660 --> 00:22:05,096 (Laughs) You didn't even flick through the pages. 410 00:22:05,140 --> 00:22:07,370 - She just sprang to mind. - Why? 411 00:22:07,420 --> 00:22:08,933 Well, as an example. 412 00:22:08,980 --> 00:22:12,097 You meet her, you marry, you live together, and then you divorce. 413 00:22:12,140 --> 00:22:14,449 - Well, we did. - It's so colourless. 414 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:16,218 It was. 415 00:22:16,260 --> 00:22:18,251 Do you want me to help or not? 416 00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:20,052 Oh, let's watch television. 417 00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:23,297 All right, yes, I do. 418 00:22:25,060 --> 00:22:27,699 Right. Why did you marry her? 419 00:22:28,860 --> 00:22:31,135 Because she was there, I suppose. 420 00:22:32,020 --> 00:22:34,454 You make her sound like Everest. 421 00:22:34,500 --> 00:22:36,491 Well, she was tall. 422 00:22:37,460 --> 00:22:39,371 Willowy. 423 00:22:39,420 --> 00:22:42,730 Or bony, depending on which way you look at it. 424 00:22:42,780 --> 00:22:44,771 Not a laugher. 425 00:22:45,500 --> 00:22:49,459 The daughter of my neighbours 30 miles away along a bum-numbing track. 426 00:22:50,420 --> 00:22:52,411 The only single girl for miles. 427 00:22:52,460 --> 00:22:54,735 - You were lonely. - Yes. 428 00:22:54,780 --> 00:22:57,897 - I'd started talking to the dogs a lot. - (Jean chuckles) 429 00:22:57,940 --> 00:23:00,329 So I used to drive over on a Sunday, have tea, 430 00:23:00,380 --> 00:23:02,257 go for a stroll in the garden, 431 00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:05,929 then I'd numb my bum again for 30 miles and get back home. 432 00:23:06,940 --> 00:23:11,695 Every time I got home I remembered her as being much prettier than when I'd left her. 433 00:23:11,740 --> 00:23:14,208 She probably felt the same about you. 434 00:23:14,260 --> 00:23:16,057 Oh, I'm quite sure she did. 435 00:23:16,820 --> 00:23:19,254 So I got married, saved the travelling. 436 00:23:21,340 --> 00:23:23,456 It's pretty steamy stuff, isn't it? 437 00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:26,697 That's what I mean. You should be in the first chapter. 438 00:23:26,740 --> 00:23:28,890 I was never in Africa. 439 00:23:28,940 --> 00:23:30,532 No. 440 00:23:30,580 --> 00:23:32,571 But if it's steam you're talking, 441 00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:35,373 we could have powered several locomotives. 442 00:23:35,420 --> 00:23:37,650 Seems funny now. 443 00:23:37,700 --> 00:23:39,418 Absurd. 444 00:23:42,860 --> 00:23:44,851 Why did you divorce? 445 00:23:45,980 --> 00:23:48,289 New roads, more Brits immigrating, 446 00:23:48,340 --> 00:23:52,413 - social life tweaked up a notch. - Someone else found her willowy? 447 00:23:52,460 --> 00:23:55,099 No, I found somebody rounded. 448 00:23:55,140 --> 00:23:57,176 - Oh? - I'm not a saint. 449 00:23:57,220 --> 00:23:58,858 I thought you were. 450 00:24:00,020 --> 00:24:03,376 - What about you? - Oh, I've had my moments. 451 00:24:03,420 --> 00:24:05,536 No, I mean, why did you marry? 452 00:24:05,580 --> 00:24:09,573 Well, it saved my bum from getting sore, and not because he was there. 453 00:24:09,620 --> 00:24:12,088 - Oh, love. - Obviously. 454 00:24:12,140 --> 00:24:14,256 - It's not obvious at all. - Well, it was. 455 00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:17,092 Good. 456 00:24:17,140 --> 00:24:20,371 - I wonder what happened to that letter. - What letter? 457 00:24:20,420 --> 00:24:23,890 You lose the thread of a conversation quickly these days. 458 00:24:23,940 --> 00:24:26,249 The letter you wrote me from Korea. 459 00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:28,655 - The one you never received. - Yes. 460 00:24:29,780 --> 00:24:32,089 It was a physical pain, not hearing from you. 461 00:24:32,140 --> 00:24:34,210 It was worse for me not hearing back. 462 00:24:34,260 --> 00:24:37,013 - Don't let's make a competition out of it. - No. 463 00:24:38,380 --> 00:24:43,170 I suppose we thought we were the only two young people with broken hearts in the world. 464 00:24:43,220 --> 00:24:44,858 It was horrible. 465 00:24:46,540 --> 00:24:50,931 - If only you'd got the letter. - If only I'd got the letter. 466 00:24:50,980 --> 00:24:52,777 I wondered whether you'd been killed. 467 00:24:52,820 --> 00:24:56,256 - I was kicked by a mule. - Yes, you told me. 468 00:24:56,300 --> 00:24:58,450 Oh, my God, I'm starting to repeat myself. 469 00:24:58,500 --> 00:25:01,014 No, you said you were nearly kicked by a mule. 470 00:25:01,060 --> 00:25:03,938 No, he did catch me, a sort of glancing blow. 471 00:25:03,980 --> 00:25:05,618 Was it an enemy mule? 472 00:25:05,660 --> 00:25:07,651 - No, one of ours. - Oh, good. 473 00:25:08,540 --> 00:25:11,532 - There's a little scar there somewhere. - Really, where? 474 00:25:11,580 --> 00:25:13,571 Somewhere there. 475 00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:16,535 - I can't see it. - Put your glasses on. 476 00:25:16,580 --> 00:25:19,458 It's your war wound, you ought to know where it is. 477 00:25:19,500 --> 00:25:21,013 There, just there. 478 00:25:21,060 --> 00:25:23,016 Oh, yes. 479 00:25:23,940 --> 00:25:25,578 Oh... 480 00:25:27,580 --> 00:25:29,571 That's nice. 481 00:25:29,620 --> 00:25:31,417 It's yesterday. 482 00:25:31,460 --> 00:25:34,338 I know, but it's nice. 483 00:25:34,380 --> 00:25:37,372 - (Door opens and shuts) - (Judith) It's only me. 484 00:25:38,500 --> 00:25:39,933 - Hello. - Hello. 485 00:25:39,980 --> 00:25:41,413 Hello. 486 00:25:44,420 --> 00:25:46,411 I was a threat. 487 00:25:47,340 --> 00:25:50,252 - Good night, Mum. Night, Lionel. - Good night. 488 00:25:50,300 --> 00:25:52,336 What did she mean? 489 00:25:52,380 --> 00:25:54,052 Oh, nothing. 490 00:25:55,340 --> 00:25:57,774 - Judy? Judy? - What? 491 00:25:57,820 --> 00:26:01,654 - What do you mean you were a threat? - Something Lionel said to me. 492 00:26:01,700 --> 00:26:03,656 - Oh? - We were talking about Alistair. 493 00:26:03,700 --> 00:26:05,975 Oh, look, love, about Alistair... 494 00:26:06,020 --> 00:26:09,615 You don't have to worry about him, I was thinking about him at dinner. 495 00:26:09,660 --> 00:26:13,699 - While you were being a threat? - And I suddenly got him into perspective. 496 00:26:13,740 --> 00:26:17,096 He's nice enough, but, well, it's all glitz, really. 497 00:26:17,140 --> 00:26:19,017 Oh, good. 498 00:26:19,060 --> 00:26:23,497 Whereas Lionel, he made me feel better about myself in two minutes tonight, 499 00:26:23,540 --> 00:26:26,577 than someone like Alistair could do in two years. 500 00:26:27,700 --> 00:26:29,452 The wisdom of the ancients. 501 00:26:31,300 --> 00:26:34,736 He's not ancient, I think he's gorgeous. 502 00:26:42,940 --> 00:26:45,215 Is everything all right? 503 00:26:45,260 --> 00:26:47,410 Everything's fine... 504 00:26:47,460 --> 00:26:49,052 gorgeous. 505 00:26:58,500 --> 00:27:01,298 # You must remember this 506 00:27:01,340 --> 00:27:03,934 # A kiss is still a kiss 507 00:27:03,980 --> 00:27:07,177 # A sigh is just a sigh 508 00:27:09,380 --> 00:27:13,055 # The fundamental things apply 509 00:27:13,100 --> 00:27:16,934 # As time goes by 510 00:27:20,260 --> 00:27:22,933 # And when two lovers woo 511 00:27:22,980 --> 00:27:25,540 # They still say I love you 512 00:27:25,580 --> 00:27:28,617 # On that you can rely 513 00:27:31,340 --> 00:27:35,652 # The world will always welcome lovers 514 00:27:36,980 --> 00:27:44,773 # As time goes by # 515 00:27:44,823 --> 00:27:49,373 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40477

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