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# You must remember this
2
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# A kiss is still a kiss
3
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# A sigh is just a sigh
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00:00:19,740 --> 00:00:23,528
# The fundamental things apply
5
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# As time goes by #
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Thanks.
7
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Ah, Hardcastle, good of you to come out
to the wild at such short notice.
8
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Kind of you to meet me, Master,
but you shouldn't have bothered.
9
00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:52,938
Oh, nonsense. I always enjoy railway stations,
it's the only time I weigh myself.
10
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The car's this way.
11
00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:59,255
- My Life In Burma, your lecture?
- My Life In Kenya, actually.
12
00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:01,291
So it is.
13
00:01:09,260 --> 00:01:13,048
Why don't I go back to the office
and you go to Norwich to see Li?
14
00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:16,695
For goodness' sake, Mum,
it's you he wants to see, not me.
15
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- He doesn't even know we're coming.
- He dedicated his book to you.
16
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That was for all our yesterdays,
not for all our tomorrows.
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"To Pooh, because you liked honey."
18
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Well I'm not Pooh now, am I?
19
00:01:29,180 --> 00:01:32,775
- I'll call you Pooh.
- Don't even think of it.
20
00:01:32,820 --> 00:01:36,017
- Lionel will be so pleased to see you.
- Will he?
21
00:01:36,060 --> 00:01:40,497
If you were giving a lecture and Lionel
turned up to see you, what would you be?
22
00:01:40,540 --> 00:01:42,417
Flabbergasted.
23
00:01:42,460 --> 00:01:45,258
- I don't know why I bother!
- Nor do I.
24
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You don't seem to realise that after 38 years...
25
00:01:52,620 --> 00:01:55,453
- Well, hello.
- Hello.
26
00:01:56,540 --> 00:01:59,100
- Going to Norwich?
- Yes, as a matter of fact.
27
00:01:59,140 --> 00:02:01,210
Brilliant. So am I.
28
00:02:01,260 --> 00:02:04,855
- My name's Alistair, by the way.
- Hello, I'm Judith.
29
00:02:10,980 --> 00:02:13,050
- It's you!
- Yes, I know it's me.
30
00:02:13,740 --> 00:02:18,655
You came to my party the other night,
with Lionel. You skipped off early.
31
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It was past our bed time.
32
00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:24,892
- You and Lionel are, er...
- Our separate bed times.
33
00:02:24,940 --> 00:02:27,090
This is my daughter. Judith, Alistair.
34
00:02:27,140 --> 00:02:29,131
- Hello again.
- Hi.
35
00:02:30,020 --> 00:02:33,808
Jean, I just can't believe that
this is your daughter.
36
00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:36,249
You're not gonna say we look like sisters?
37
00:02:36,300 --> 00:02:37,494
No.
38
00:02:38,220 --> 00:02:40,529
We're going to Norwich for Lionel's lecture.
39
00:02:40,580 --> 00:02:45,700
Brilliant, that's where I'm going.
My day is made.
40
00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:51,256
Nothing makes a journey more enjoyable
than the company of a beautiful woman.
41
00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:52,892
Er, two beautiful women.
42
00:02:53,980 --> 00:02:57,290
Well, tell me all about yourself.
43
00:02:57,340 --> 00:03:01,458
Where have you been hiding?
Why wasn't I told of your existence?
44
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:10,290
The fellow who dropped out
was going to talk about rail travel in Russia.
45
00:03:10,340 --> 00:03:11,739
Why did he drop out?
46
00:03:11,780 --> 00:03:15,329
- Got knocked over by a bus, poor fellow.
- Ironic.
47
00:03:15,380 --> 00:03:17,371
Mm. That's what I thought.
48
00:03:17,420 --> 00:03:22,335
You'll stay overnight in college.
Rooms have a certain gothic grandeur,
49
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even if they are draughty.
50
00:03:24,180 --> 00:03:27,252
Thank you, Master, but I'm staying with a friend.
51
00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:30,815
Better still.
Nothing like staying with a chum, is there?
52
00:03:30,860 --> 00:03:32,737
Nothing.
53
00:03:49,260 --> 00:03:51,410
- Bed and breakfast, did you say?
- Yes.
54
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There's no sign up.
55
00:03:54,020 --> 00:03:55,817
Perhaps it's in the wash.
56
00:03:55,860 --> 00:03:57,851
Long way out, too.
57
00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:00,733
Couldn't you have found anywhere more central?
58
00:04:00,780 --> 00:04:02,736
It isn't really any of your business.
59
00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:05,977
I'm just interested in what motivates people.
60
00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:11,413
It's very interesting. Sometimes people
are motivated by the most obscure motives.
61
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:15,055
- Motives they don't even understand.
- Are they really?
62
00:04:15,100 --> 00:04:16,738
(Woman) Coo-ee!
63
00:04:17,580 --> 00:04:19,810
You're naughty, you are.
64
00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:24,291
- Then again...
- Goodbye.
65
00:04:26,980 --> 00:04:30,939
And there's space in the wardrobe
and an empty drawer for you.
66
00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:32,777
Thanks.
67
00:04:32,820 --> 00:04:35,015
You didn't ask why you're naughty.
68
00:04:35,060 --> 00:04:38,291
I thought it discreet not to
in front of the taxi driver.
69
00:04:38,340 --> 00:04:40,535
Well, you are.
70
00:04:40,580 --> 00:04:42,889
Sure you got the correct adjective?
71
00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:46,774
Six months and not a word,
not even a postcard.
72
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,892
Denise, ships that pass in the night
don't send postcards.
73
00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:52,932
I wouldn't like to think I was being
taken for granted.
74
00:04:54,020 --> 00:04:56,580
I see you've put the silk sheets on.
75
00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:59,134
Yes, well, I'm a forgiving sort of person.
76
00:04:59,180 --> 00:05:00,659
Indeed you are.
77
00:05:01,460 --> 00:05:03,416
I bought some chains, by the way.
78
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:06,295
Pardon?
79
00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:10,970
For my garden at the front.
Trying to keep those lorries off it.
80
00:05:11,860 --> 00:05:13,452
You didn't notice, did you?
81
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:15,297
You don't notice a lot of things.
82
00:05:15,340 --> 00:05:18,537
You only want to see the bit of
the world that's around you.
83
00:05:18,580 --> 00:05:21,856
True enough. I gave up the global view
some time ago.
84
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,936
- Too huge?
- Too complicated.
85
00:05:23,980 --> 00:05:25,777
I'm no good with them.
86
00:05:25,820 --> 00:05:27,811
Well, I'm not complicated.
87
00:05:27,860 --> 00:05:29,418
And I'm very grateful.
88
00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:32,931
Can I come to the lecture tonight?
89
00:05:34,260 --> 00:05:37,058
- What on earth for?
- To hear it.
90
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:39,614
If you want to be bored,
read the phone directory.
91
00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:41,457
You don't want me to come.
92
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:45,573
I told the master of the college
you were a chum, you see.
93
00:05:46,340 --> 00:05:50,174
- Well, I am.
- Not the sort of chum I meant.
94
00:05:50,220 --> 00:05:52,609
You're not going with somebody else, are you?
95
00:05:52,660 --> 00:05:55,379
No, I'd hardly stay here
and go with someone else.
96
00:05:55,420 --> 00:05:59,129
There's no telling with you.
If I thought you were playing fast and loose...
97
00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:03,253
At my age you have to be fast
to be loose, and I'm not fast.
98
00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:07,691
I can come to the lecture then?
99
00:06:08,820 --> 00:06:11,095
- If you want to.
- Good.
100
00:06:11,140 --> 00:06:13,608
- Let's go and have some tea.
- Good idea.
101
00:06:15,780 --> 00:06:20,854
Nothing's happened recently, has it?
You know... happened?
102
00:06:20,900 --> 00:06:23,619
Nothing. Nothing at all.
103
00:06:26,740 --> 00:06:29,459
It's funny, Alistair having already
booked the same hotel as us.
104
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,730
How did you ever get to be so gullible?
105
00:06:31,780 --> 00:06:36,092
- He's rather nice, isn't he?
- Yes, in a boyish sort of way.
106
00:06:36,140 --> 00:06:39,018
He's not that young.
I suppose he's about my age.
107
00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:41,096
- Young.
- He fancies you.
108
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Don't be absurd.
109
00:06:42,740 --> 00:06:45,129
Why did he sit next to you all the way?
110
00:06:45,180 --> 00:06:47,296
So that he could look at you.
111
00:06:48,340 --> 00:06:50,331
No, he spoke to you most of the time.
112
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:53,577
Oldest trick, ingratiate yourself with the mother.
113
00:06:53,620 --> 00:06:56,817
- Now whose being gullible?
- All fixed up.
114
00:06:56,860 --> 00:07:00,614
Sherry with the master before the lecture,
front row seats,
115
00:07:00,660 --> 00:07:03,857
and then dinner with the master afterwards.
116
00:07:03,900 --> 00:07:07,097
- How did you manage that?
- It's being in publishing.
117
00:07:07,140 --> 00:07:09,973
Almost everyone you meet
intends to write a book.
118
00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:13,057
Just express a deep interest
in what they want to write about
119
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,091
and they get very accommodating.
120
00:07:15,140 --> 00:07:17,210
May I ask you an impertinent question?
121
00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:19,899
Oh please, I'd love it.
122
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,534
Lionel's book, why are you publishing it?
123
00:07:22,580 --> 00:07:25,094
Because it's terrific.
124
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:26,653
I read it last night.
125
00:07:29,060 --> 00:07:30,254
Ah.
126
00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:33,736
Well, compare it to a television company.
127
00:07:33,780 --> 00:07:38,296
They make money producing popular rubbish
but every so often they bring in an opera
128
00:07:38,340 --> 00:07:41,412
just to prove that they are
very serious-minded people.
129
00:07:41,460 --> 00:07:43,655
You mean nobody will read Lionel's book?
130
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:49,058
No. If we jazz up the cover a bit, people
might buy it without reading what's inside.
131
00:07:52,460 --> 00:07:55,179
Better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.
132
00:07:55,220 --> 00:07:56,573
I suppose so.
133
00:07:57,300 --> 00:08:00,849
Incidentally, where's Lionel staying? Here?
134
00:08:00,900 --> 00:08:05,849
No, apparently he favours a little
bed and breakfast place when he's up here.
135
00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:08,494
I hope he's being well looked after.
136
00:08:13,020 --> 00:08:16,012
Ah, Hardcastle, you look very chipper.
137
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:19,769
Thank you. May I introduce a friend,
Mrs Denise Cropper.
138
00:08:19,820 --> 00:08:22,937
- How do you do?
- Charming. Very charming.
139
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:27,451
Let's find you a sherry.
Have you known Mrs Copper long?
140
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:29,377
It's Mrs Cropper.
141
00:08:29,420 --> 00:08:31,729
As in "came a..."
142
00:08:32,300 --> 00:08:34,256
What an excellent mnemonic.
143
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:35,889
Thank you.
144
00:08:35,940 --> 00:08:40,172
Here we are. Dry for you,
if I remember correctly, Hardcastle,
145
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:44,771
and my guess, Mrs Cropper,
is that you're sweet?
146
00:08:45,420 --> 00:08:47,058
You'd have to ask Lionel.
147
00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:49,216
Don't think I shan't.
148
00:08:49,260 --> 00:08:51,376
Sly old fox.
149
00:08:51,420 --> 00:08:53,411
Would you excuse me? A guest of mine.
150
00:08:54,140 --> 00:08:56,734
Hello, mate. Done your warm-up?
151
00:08:56,780 --> 00:08:59,340
- What?
- You know, mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi.
152
00:08:59,380 --> 00:09:03,168
- Are you fit?
- As I'll ever be. It was good of you to come.
153
00:09:03,220 --> 00:09:05,336
I'm not alone, look who's here.
154
00:09:05,380 --> 00:09:08,656
- Surprise!
- Hello, Lionel.
155
00:09:11,740 --> 00:09:13,537
No need to be that effusive.
156
00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:17,817
I'm sorry, I was just...
I didn't know you were coming.
157
00:09:17,860 --> 00:09:20,135
That's why I said "surprise".
158
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:21,932
Quite. Well, it is.
159
00:09:22,660 --> 00:09:24,013
What?
160
00:09:24,060 --> 00:09:26,620
A surprise. A very nice surprise, of course.
161
00:09:26,660 --> 00:09:30,096
Now we all know how surprised we are,
any chance of a drink?
162
00:09:30,140 --> 00:09:32,131
Of course. Um...
163
00:09:33,180 --> 00:09:36,013
He's a lively old dog, isn't he?
164
00:09:39,060 --> 00:09:42,735
Denise, I'd like to...
I'd like you to meet some friends of mine.
165
00:09:42,780 --> 00:09:46,659
- Lovely.
- This is Jean Pargetter, an old friend...
166
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:49,294
her daughter Judith, and Alistair Deacon.
167
00:09:49,340 --> 00:09:50,329
Hello.
168
00:09:50,380 --> 00:09:53,258
- Hello.
- Oh, hello.
169
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:55,211
Er, how old a friend are you, Jean?
170
00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:59,054
Oh, we met 38 years ago.
171
00:09:59,100 --> 00:10:02,376
Good gracious me,
you are an old friend, aren't you?
172
00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:05,457
How long have you known Lionel?
173
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:09,095
Oh, only a couple of years, on and off.
174
00:10:09,140 --> 00:10:13,930
We first met when I offered him
overnight accommodation, didn't we?
175
00:10:18,940 --> 00:10:20,931
Well, it is nice to see you all.
176
00:10:28,940 --> 00:10:31,374
(Laughing)
177
00:10:32,180 --> 00:10:34,569
- Overnight accommodation!
- He is a man.
178
00:10:34,620 --> 00:10:38,499
I know what sex he is,
I just thought he was a man with more taste.
179
00:10:38,540 --> 00:10:40,929
- Like you?
- Look at her.
180
00:10:40,980 --> 00:10:42,174
I am.
181
00:10:42,220 --> 00:10:44,290
(Giggling)
182
00:10:45,380 --> 00:10:49,771
If she gets any closer,
she'll be in that suit with him.
183
00:10:49,820 --> 00:10:52,971
- Jealous?
- No, you?
184
00:10:53,020 --> 00:10:55,056
Huh! Certainly, not.
185
00:11:00,780 --> 00:11:03,089
(Master) It was George Moore,
186
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:07,258
who said "A man travels the world over
in search of what he needs,
187
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:09,256
"returns home to find it."
188
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:14,852
I do not presume to say Mr Hardcastle travelled
to Kenya in search of what he needed
189
00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:22,409
but I am certain that on returning home
he will find here a warm East Anglian welcome.
190
00:11:22,460 --> 00:11:24,576
Mr Lionel Hardcastle.
191
00:11:24,620 --> 00:11:25,814
(Applause)
192
00:11:34,580 --> 00:11:36,730
Thank you, Master.
193
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:39,419
Ladies and gentlemen, My Life In Kenya.
194
00:11:40,260 --> 00:11:43,889
I first went to Kenya in 1955.
195
00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:47,410
That was what my generation
was brought up to call that...
196
00:11:47,460 --> 00:11:50,816
(Man) When did you start
slaughtering elephants?
197
00:11:50,860 --> 00:11:53,090
That course was what my generation...
198
00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:55,654
When did you start slaughtering elephants?
199
00:11:57,180 --> 00:12:01,970
Who said anything about slaughtering elephants?
In those days, it was...
200
00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:03,931
- Answer the question!
- Answer the question!
201
00:12:03,980 --> 00:12:05,379
Answer!
202
00:12:05,420 --> 00:12:08,218
- I was a coffee planter.
- Rubbish! We've read the blurb.
203
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:10,569
What blurb? What are you talking about?
204
00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:15,330
This! From your forthcoming book.
"One man's fight to conquer a wilderness."
205
00:12:15,380 --> 00:12:18,611
You didn't conquer the wilderness
without slaughtering elephants?
206
00:12:18,660 --> 00:12:22,016
Look, I didn't conquer any wilderness.
207
00:12:22,060 --> 00:12:26,178
It's thanks to people like you that
my children might never see a wild elephant.
208
00:12:26,220 --> 00:12:29,098
Madam, there are no wild elephants in Norwich.
209
00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:31,051
If there were, you'd shoot them.
210
00:12:32,140 --> 00:12:34,893
- Elephant killer!
- You just want the ivory.
211
00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:37,010
Shooting defenceless animals is murder!
212
00:12:37,060 --> 00:12:40,018
(Chanting) Elephant killer! Elephant killer!
213
00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:44,178
Look, just listen to what I've got to say!
214
00:12:44,220 --> 00:12:46,734
(Chanting) Elephant killer! Elephant killer!
215
00:12:46,780 --> 00:12:49,817
Please! Please, please!
216
00:12:50,860 --> 00:12:52,293
(Chanting dies down)
217
00:12:52,340 --> 00:12:54,376
You've got blood on your hands!
218
00:12:54,420 --> 00:12:59,289
(Chanting) Elephant killer! Elephant killer!
219
00:12:59,340 --> 00:13:03,538
Elephant killer! Elephant killer!
Elephant killer! Elephant killer!
220
00:13:06,020 --> 00:13:07,817
(Chanting continues)
221
00:13:13,780 --> 00:13:16,931
For God's sake! That's the most juvenile thing
I've ever heard of!
222
00:13:16,980 --> 00:13:19,175
Students will be students, mate.
223
00:13:19,220 --> 00:13:20,255
Not them, you.
224
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:24,498
- "One man's fight to conquer the wilderness"!
- It's to hype the book.
225
00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:28,931
What have you got in mind for the cover?
Me on a pile of dead elephants?
226
00:13:28,980 --> 00:13:31,050
No! Maybe a lion?
227
00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:32,419
No!
228
00:13:32,460 --> 00:13:36,135
My dear fellow, I do apologise.
I don't know what got into them.
229
00:13:36,180 --> 00:13:41,573
Lager, I suspect. And some hand bills distributed
by a publisher with a mental age of nought.
230
00:13:41,620 --> 00:13:44,453
- Steady on, mate.
- Stop calling me "mate".
231
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:46,775
Hello, Bwana Mkubwa.
232
00:13:46,820 --> 00:13:49,892
- Don't you start.
- Well, it had its funny side.
233
00:13:49,940 --> 00:13:51,737
Not from where I was standing.
234
00:13:51,780 --> 00:13:54,692
- I liked the floating elephant.
- He was rather cute.
235
00:13:54,740 --> 00:13:56,332
Cute?
236
00:13:56,380 --> 00:14:00,453
Let's all have a sherry before dinner.
Where's your young lady?
237
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,377
She's...
238
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:05,059
- I don't know.
- Busy doing a retouching job.
239
00:14:06,340 --> 00:14:07,534
Miaow!
240
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:10,219
- Here we are.
- Master, about my fee...
241
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:13,570
I won't hear of it.
Very decent of you to bring it up.
242
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:17,499
What happened wasn't your doing,
I won't hear of you refusing.
243
00:14:17,540 --> 00:14:19,053
If you insist.
244
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:22,410
Poor Lionel, they were disgusting.
They should be expelled.
245
00:14:22,460 --> 00:14:25,736
- They were misinformed.
- Who by?
246
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:29,011
- I'm starving, what's for dinner?
- Chicken.
247
00:14:29,060 --> 00:14:31,733
Did you shoot it this afternoon?
248
00:14:31,780 --> 00:14:34,419
Let's sit. Nothing formal, anywhere you like.
249
00:14:34,460 --> 00:14:38,055
- You sit with me, my dear.
- Thank you.
250
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:52,097
She was a dear old thing, Jessie.
15 years almost to the day she died.
251
00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:54,176
I always remember her last words.
252
00:14:54,220 --> 00:14:57,769
"Arthur, there are some chops in the freezer.
253
00:14:59,220 --> 00:15:03,179
"You'd best defrost them
for your supper tonight."
254
00:15:03,220 --> 00:15:05,017
You ever been married, Hardcastle?
255
00:15:05,060 --> 00:15:08,848
Once, we divorced on the grounds
of mutual boredom.
256
00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:11,856
- Miss Pargetter?
- I'm a widow.
257
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:13,128
Merry one, I hope.
258
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,569
At my age "spritely" would be a better word.
259
00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:16,939
Rubbish.
260
00:15:16,980 --> 00:15:18,891
My ex shot himself.
261
00:15:22,580 --> 00:15:23,933
Really? Why?
262
00:15:23,980 --> 00:15:27,370
He was always given to the dramatic.
263
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:30,492
That's what I like about Lionel, he's so steady.
264
00:15:31,260 --> 00:15:33,057
"Boring" might be a better adjective.
265
00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:36,933
Oh, no. Never boring.
266
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:42,770
What about this pretty thing?
Still looking for Mr Right?
267
00:15:42,820 --> 00:15:46,290
I've got two ex-husbands,
so I suppose I must be.
268
00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:48,058
Oh. What a waste.
269
00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:50,819
- My point exactly.
- Oh.
270
00:15:50,860 --> 00:15:56,776
Here you are, describing yourself as spritely
when you're still a very desirable woman.
271
00:15:56,820 --> 00:16:01,291
- Oh! What a sweet thing to say.
- I mean every word of it.
272
00:16:02,340 --> 00:16:04,410
I think clicking is permanent.
273
00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:08,453
- Clicking?
- Yes, in relationships.
274
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:12,413
Two people either click instinctively or not.
275
00:16:12,460 --> 00:16:14,018
You take me and Lionel...
276
00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:16,210
We click like mad.
277
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:23,015
- Do you?
- We don't see each other that often.
278
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:26,370
No wonder,
absence makes the click grow fonder.
279
00:16:28,460 --> 00:16:32,339
- What about more port?
- (Denise) No, thanks.
280
00:16:32,380 --> 00:16:36,134
- I think Lionel must be a bit tired by now.
- How very perceptive of you.
281
00:16:36,180 --> 00:16:38,171
- If you'll excuse us?
- Yes, of course.
282
00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:40,893
- We'll pop off as well.
- We?
283
00:16:40,940 --> 00:16:43,329
I thought we might go back for a night cap.
284
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,975
Oh, that's a lovely idea.
285
00:16:47,020 --> 00:16:50,933
- You're staying at the same hotel?
- Yes. Convenient, isn't it?
286
00:16:50,980 --> 00:16:52,811
What about you, my dear?
287
00:16:52,860 --> 00:16:55,772
Me? I think I'd like another drop of port, please.
288
00:16:55,820 --> 00:16:57,458
What an excellent idea.
289
00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:58,694
(Mouths)
290
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:06,172
Well! That all works out very nicely, doesn't it?
Everyone's fixed up.
291
00:17:12,580 --> 00:17:14,810
That's probably ours, I'll just check.
292
00:17:14,860 --> 00:17:19,376
I'll fetch the car, Lionel,
while you say good night to your friend.
293
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:25,974
I didn't know you were coming.
294
00:17:26,020 --> 00:17:29,171
It's not really any of my business, is it?
295
00:17:29,220 --> 00:17:31,529
- No, all right, it's not.
- Fine.
296
00:17:31,580 --> 00:17:33,457
It is ours.
297
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:35,775
- Coming.
- This night cap?
298
00:17:35,820 --> 00:17:38,812
- That's not really any of your business.
- No it's not.
299
00:17:38,860 --> 00:17:41,693
You won't get silly, though, will you?
300
00:17:41,740 --> 00:17:43,731
No sillier than you.
301
00:17:51,660 --> 00:17:54,049
Cheers, mate. See you in London.
302
00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:01,253
Don't look so pleased with yourself, Alistair.
303
00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:19,292
Thanks.
304
00:18:19,340 --> 00:18:22,730
Now, let's talk about you. A to Z.
305
00:18:23,460 --> 00:18:27,009
Alistair, I went from A to J
before you were even born.
306
00:18:27,060 --> 00:18:29,494
- Who cares? Do you care?
- Well.
307
00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:35,137
I don't, nobody does these days.
Attraction is attraction, full stop.
308
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:37,694
- You should be saying this to Judith.
- Pah! She's a child.
309
00:18:37,740 --> 00:18:39,492
I know, mine.
310
00:18:39,540 --> 00:18:42,418
Next you'll be saying you're past it.
311
00:18:42,460 --> 00:18:47,454
No, I'm not, it's just a question
of mutual attraction, that's all.
312
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:52,528
No probs. I saw something in your eye
when I you said yes to a night cap.
313
00:18:52,580 --> 00:18:55,970
Yes, you did, vanity and stupidity.
314
00:18:56,020 --> 00:18:58,818
For a minute I wanted to get my own back
at Lionel.
315
00:18:58,860 --> 00:19:01,693
I don't know why,
I just wanted to make him jealous.
316
00:19:01,740 --> 00:19:04,698
I'm sorry, Alistair, but that was all it was.
317
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:08,258
Well, it's a starting point.
318
00:19:14,940 --> 00:19:18,853
- It was an unusual sort of evening.
- I told you you'd be bored.
319
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:22,176
I wasn't bored. That Alistair's a card.
320
00:19:22,220 --> 00:19:25,656
Yes, the sort that should have
black edging around it.
321
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:29,089
- You're in a mood.
- No, I'm not.
322
00:19:29,140 --> 00:19:33,338
- It's because she came, isn't it?
- Will you look at the road?
323
00:19:35,380 --> 00:19:37,655
- Wonder why she came.
- I don't know.
324
00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:40,168
Did you have to leave that elephant on the roof?
325
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:41,778
It's my car.
326
00:19:43,740 --> 00:19:45,253
I know it's your car.
327
00:19:45,740 --> 00:19:49,972
It's a bit unusual. Better than a Garfield
stuck to the window, isn't it?
328
00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:56,489
- Another glass of port?
- Better not, I get silly.
329
00:19:56,540 --> 00:19:58,895
Just a small one, then.
330
00:19:59,940 --> 00:20:02,135
You have the most extraordinary eyes.
331
00:20:02,180 --> 00:20:03,772
Not glazed, are they?
332
00:20:03,820 --> 00:20:07,415
Certainly not.
All the mystery of woman is in those eyes.
333
00:20:07,460 --> 00:20:10,577
Oh! They must be glazed. I'm not mysterious.
334
00:20:10,620 --> 00:20:13,578
- You're very beautiful.
- Rubbish.
335
00:20:13,620 --> 00:20:18,819
Maizefield had it. "The loveliest things
of beauty God ever has shown to me
336
00:20:18,860 --> 00:20:24,412
"are her voice, her hair and eyes
and the dear red curve of her lips."
337
00:20:24,460 --> 00:20:25,779
That's very sweet...
338
00:20:25,820 --> 00:20:31,178
"And as for those shoulders, if I'd danced with
you on the eve of the Battle of Waterloo,
339
00:20:31,220 --> 00:20:35,213
"I'd have charged the French
dreaming of those shoulders..."
340
00:20:35,260 --> 00:20:39,048
You did say you were going to show me around.
341
00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:41,170
So I did. This way.
342
00:20:41,220 --> 00:20:45,816
I've some very interesting
first editions that may interest you.
343
00:20:49,100 --> 00:20:51,091
(Judith squeals)
344
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:56,819
Something wrong?
345
00:20:56,860 --> 00:20:58,657
You pinched my bum.
346
00:20:58,700 --> 00:21:01,260
You actually pinched my bum!
347
00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:05,176
- I couldn't resist it.
- You should have tried.
348
00:21:05,220 --> 00:21:07,734
- I'll get you a car.
- Yes, I think you'd better.
349
00:21:11,460 --> 00:21:16,375
Jenkins, bring the car around will you?
I've a guest wants to return to her hotel.
350
00:21:16,420 --> 00:21:17,819
Thank you.
351
00:21:19,740 --> 00:21:21,935
Couple of minutes, that's all.
352
00:21:22,980 --> 00:21:27,610
When, er... When you get old,
you forget, you see.
353
00:21:27,660 --> 00:21:30,220
- Forget what?
- How to seduce.
354
00:21:31,660 --> 00:21:36,814
All those honeyed phrases one used so long ago
seem ridiculously out of date.
355
00:21:36,860 --> 00:21:40,569
It isn't like riding a bicycle at all, you fall off.
356
00:21:41,620 --> 00:21:45,932
I shouldn't worry about the honeyed phrases
being out of date.
357
00:21:45,980 --> 00:21:51,532
I thought the one about us dancing on the eve
of the Battle of Waterloo was terrific.
358
00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:54,899
Good night.
359
00:21:58,580 --> 00:22:01,174
I mean, take Tina Turner.
360
00:22:01,220 --> 00:22:03,017
Why should I?
361
00:22:03,060 --> 00:22:08,339
I mean, she's not a young woman, is she?
But wow! When she struts her stuff...
362
00:22:08,380 --> 00:22:10,018
Alistair!
363
00:22:10,060 --> 00:22:14,178
You live in a fantasy world,
I run a secretarial agency, I don't strut my stuff.
364
00:22:14,220 --> 00:22:15,255
Yes, but...
365
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,609
- Sir?
- Yes, what is it?
366
00:22:17,660 --> 00:22:19,059
The champagne's ready.
367
00:22:20,060 --> 00:22:22,210
I assumed it would be,
I don't need to be told.
368
00:22:22,260 --> 00:22:26,412
I'm very sorry, I'm sure.
It seemed the logical thing to do.
369
00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:32,858
- What champagne?
- The bottle in my room.
370
00:22:32,900 --> 00:22:34,299
You do have a thirst.
371
00:22:34,340 --> 00:22:36,615
- It's for us.
- In your room?
372
00:22:36,660 --> 00:22:38,651
We can have it in your room if you like.
373
00:22:38,700 --> 00:22:42,010
Should I stamp "no"
in big letters on your forehead?
374
00:22:42,060 --> 00:22:44,415
Whatever turns you on.
375
00:22:44,460 --> 00:22:48,009
What turns me on at this time
is a comfortable bed and a good book.
376
00:22:48,060 --> 00:22:49,857
OK, fine.
377
00:22:49,900 --> 00:22:51,618
What shall we read?
378
00:22:53,460 --> 00:22:56,657
You should be a salesman.
Are you always like this?
379
00:22:56,700 --> 00:22:58,531
No, no.
380
00:22:58,580 --> 00:23:00,218
Sometimes I'm really pushy.
381
00:23:03,140 --> 00:23:08,339
- You're laughing.
- At the absurdity of it all. Us, here.
382
00:23:08,380 --> 00:23:10,940
- I wonder if Judith's all right.
- Of course she is.
383
00:23:10,980 --> 00:23:14,450
She's having a drink with an ancient academic.
384
00:23:14,500 --> 00:23:16,616
He had an unacademic gleam in his eyes.
385
00:23:16,660 --> 00:23:18,696
- There you are.
- There I am what?
386
00:23:18,740 --> 00:23:20,458
He wasn't screwed up about his age.
387
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:23,572
I'm not, it's you that's screwed up about age,
388
00:23:23,620 --> 00:23:25,770
this fantasy about older women.
389
00:23:25,820 --> 00:23:27,048
- Mature.
- Older.
390
00:23:27,100 --> 00:23:30,012
- And it's not a fantasy.
- I'm going to bed.
391
00:23:31,060 --> 00:23:33,893
- Now your talking.
- Alistair!
392
00:23:33,940 --> 00:23:37,012
All right, all right. All right, all right, all right.
393
00:23:37,060 --> 00:23:41,053
(Dramatically) I'm not entirely
without sensitivity. I give in.
394
00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:43,375
- Good.
- For tonight.
395
00:23:43,420 --> 00:23:45,650
Good night.
396
00:23:45,700 --> 00:23:47,497
What if I were Lionel?
397
00:23:48,820 --> 00:23:51,573
He'd have dropped off in his chair by now.
398
00:23:51,620 --> 00:23:53,417
Enjoy the champagne.
399
00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:01,889
Well, hello!
400
00:24:02,940 --> 00:24:04,931
Hello. Where's Mum?
401
00:24:04,980 --> 00:24:07,369
Gone to bed. Fancy a drink?
402
00:24:08,740 --> 00:24:10,731
No, thanks. Good night.
403
00:24:11,540 --> 00:24:14,737
I've got a bottle of champagne in my room.
404
00:24:14,780 --> 00:24:17,658
You've also got a bloody nerve!
405
00:24:24,420 --> 00:24:27,492
Why have you taken to changing
in the bathroom?
406
00:24:27,540 --> 00:24:32,216
Vanity, I suppose. Bits of me
that used to ripple tend to wobble these days.
407
00:24:34,500 --> 00:24:38,573
And you're not wearing the pyjamas
I bought you last time.
408
00:24:38,620 --> 00:24:40,690
- No.
- Don't you like them?
409
00:24:40,740 --> 00:24:43,015
They were very distinctive.
410
00:24:43,060 --> 00:24:48,259
I just don't like wearing pyjamas with
"Macho Man" printed across the chest.
411
00:24:49,980 --> 00:24:53,416
- You've been spraying again.
- It's called "Porquoi Non?"
412
00:24:53,460 --> 00:24:55,451
That means "Why not?"
413
00:24:55,500 --> 00:24:57,775
I can think of several reasons.
414
00:24:57,820 --> 00:25:01,096
- Meaning?
- Meaning it smells like furniture polish.
415
00:25:02,620 --> 00:25:05,373
It didn't bother you this afternoon.
416
00:25:05,420 --> 00:25:07,980
It's the second wave.
417
00:25:08,020 --> 00:25:09,931
You are in a mood.
418
00:25:09,980 --> 00:25:12,972
Everybody's in a mood of some sort
all the time.
419
00:25:13,020 --> 00:25:14,169
A grumpy mood.
420
00:25:14,220 --> 00:25:18,338
Just because I don't put on a red nose
and sing The Sun Has Got His Hat On
421
00:25:18,380 --> 00:25:20,177
doesn't make me grumpy.
422
00:25:20,220 --> 00:25:22,370
Solemn, then. Morose.
423
00:25:22,420 --> 00:25:25,378
Will you stop searching for adjectives? I'm fine.
424
00:25:25,420 --> 00:25:27,012
- That's one.
- What?
425
00:25:27,060 --> 00:25:29,779
- An adjective.
- Can we just change the subject?
426
00:25:30,260 --> 00:25:32,251
Yes. Good idea.
427
00:25:36,380 --> 00:25:39,338
Does it really smell of furniture polish?
428
00:25:39,820 --> 00:25:42,539
Well, expensive furniture polish.
429
00:25:43,020 --> 00:25:44,419
That's better.
430
00:25:44,460 --> 00:25:46,894
Good night, then.
431
00:25:46,940 --> 00:25:50,569
- What do you mean, "good night"?
- I thought I'd sleep in the guest room.
432
00:25:50,620 --> 00:25:54,659
It's her, isn't it? That old flame of yours,
and I do mean old.
433
00:25:54,700 --> 00:25:57,419
- I'm just tired.
- I know that,
434
00:25:57,460 --> 00:26:00,611
but there's no reason to act like the stag at bay.
435
00:26:00,660 --> 00:26:03,538
I've got the right to have my expectations.
436
00:26:03,580 --> 00:26:06,731
- Your rights?
- You've slept in my bed!
437
00:26:06,780 --> 00:26:11,615
At your invitation. Have you forgotten
the first time I stayed here?
438
00:26:11,660 --> 00:26:15,130
You showed me my bed and ten minutes later
we were in yours.
439
00:26:15,180 --> 00:26:18,013
Oh, I see. I overpowered you, did I?
440
00:26:18,060 --> 00:26:22,770
No, of course not.
But it was... handy, wasn't it?
441
00:26:22,820 --> 00:26:24,094
Handy?
442
00:26:24,140 --> 00:26:26,495
- Bad word. Convenient.
- Worse!
443
00:26:26,540 --> 00:26:29,100
- I'm not eloquent.
- No, you're not.
444
00:26:29,140 --> 00:26:31,700
Oh, this is childish.
445
00:26:31,740 --> 00:26:35,255
We met and it suited us both,
don't make it sound like a grand passion.
446
00:26:35,300 --> 00:26:37,973
We only meet a few times every year.
447
00:26:38,740 --> 00:26:41,573
If she were in this bed,
it would be a different story.
448
00:26:42,300 --> 00:26:48,216
Yes. She'd have passed out long ago,
overcome by the fumes of your perfume.
449
00:26:49,380 --> 00:26:51,575
- Get out!
- What do you think I'm doing?
450
00:26:51,620 --> 00:26:53,576
Getting ready to play pass the parcel?
451
00:26:53,620 --> 00:26:55,975
You've taken advantage of me.
452
00:26:56,020 --> 00:26:59,217
Now we really are in the realms of fiction.
453
00:26:59,260 --> 00:27:03,776
Of all my guests, all the gentlemen
who've stayed here you are the only one.
454
00:27:03,820 --> 00:27:05,492
Now you're being unkind to me.
455
00:27:05,540 --> 00:27:08,418
You're not losing anything, Denise.
456
00:27:09,460 --> 00:27:11,451
It's just that I can't...
457
00:27:13,740 --> 00:27:15,935
It's probably stupid but...
458
00:27:23,460 --> 00:27:24,893
Who are this lot?
459
00:27:25,860 --> 00:27:27,657
People.
460
00:27:28,740 --> 00:27:30,139
Call me suspicious
461
00:27:30,180 --> 00:27:34,890
but why do I guess they all have a pair of
pyjamas with "Macho Man" on the chest?
462
00:27:58,860 --> 00:28:00,851
(Hissing)
463
00:28:09,260 --> 00:28:12,013
# You must remember this
464
00:28:12,060 --> 00:28:14,528
# A kiss is still a kiss
465
00:28:14,580 --> 00:28:18,129
# A sigh is just a sigh
466
00:28:20,060 --> 00:28:23,769
# The fundamental things apply
467
00:28:23,820 --> 00:28:27,938
# As time goes by
468
00:28:30,980 --> 00:28:33,733
# And when two lovers woo
469
00:28:33,780 --> 00:28:36,419
# They still say I love you
470
00:28:36,460 --> 00:28:39,338
# On that you can rely
471
00:28:42,020 --> 00:28:46,411
# The world will always welcome lovers
472
00:28:47,740 --> 00:28:55,693
# As time goes by #
473
00:28:55,743 --> 00:29:00,293
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