All language subtitles for American Housewife s02e20 The Inheritance.eng

KATIE: I cleaned out Spencer's fridge.

I'm not saying there's
a correlation to his death,

but dude drank a lot of Tab.

His lawyer will be here any minute.

When I inherit this place,
I'm gonna hire a staff.

What makes you think you're
inheriting Spencer's fortune?

Why else would his lawyer
want to meet with me?

Face it... I'm Spencer's sole
heir, and now this is all mine.

I'm rich!

I'm gonna raise these ceilings

so I hear more of an echo
when I scream that.

Being rich will be so much fun.

Pump your brakes, blondie.

I'm rich, not you.

You want money, earn it like I did.

You didn't earn it.

You got it for being nice
to some old rich guy.

Trust me. You'll get there.

What if Oliver's right?

What if Spencer did
leave him everything?

Money ruins people.

Here's the Venn diagram
of rich people and jerks.

It's one circle.

Greg!

I'm using "Venn diagram" in context.

This used to get you aroused.

Sorry, I'm fine-tuning

my presentation for the tenure board.

This could make or break my career.

Tell me what sounds better.

"Greetings."

- Mm-hmm.
- Or...

"Good afternoon"? [Laughs]

It all depends whether
I want to be funny or not.

- Mm-hmm.
- [Doorbell rings]

Finally, the lawyer's here.

Snack bar's open.

- Grandma?
- Oliver!

[Sighs] Thank God I didn't go topless.

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Or I could say, "Good afternoon."
[Laughs]

Why is "good afternoon" funny?

Because, you know, it's... it's like...

Oh, crap.

I just can't believe he's gone.

We had plans.
We were gonna travel together.

The last text he sent me was,

"Let's see London, let's see France,

I want to see your...

[Voice breaking] underpants."

Oh, God, he was so funny. Just...

[Sighs] I'm gonna miss him.

Mom, why didn't you tell me
you were coming to Westport?

Well, I wasn't coming to see you.

I had a scheduled rendezvous
with Spencer.

So how long has this been going on,

you sneaking into town

dressed as a partially deflated
blow-up doll?

Since Thanksgiving,

I'd come to Westport every now
and again for a little...

[Clears throat]

...grown-up hugging.

- [Doorbell rings]
- I got it.

So, exactly how many times
has my own mother been next door

and not bothered to tell me?

Um, once in December,
a couple times in January,

and I guess the last time was the 18th.

- The 18th?
- [Door opens]

You mean my birthday?

Oh! I guess that's right.

- Um, happy birthday, sweetie.
- [Sighs]

[Door closes]

Everyone, this is Spencer's
attorney, Linda Ramirez.

Hi. I'm Katie.

- This is my husband, Greg.
- Hi.

And I'm Kathryn, Spencer's lover.

You also could've just said
you were my mom.

I was going with
my more impressive credit.

Nice meeting everyone,
especially you, Oliver.

Spencer made it very clear that,

in case of his untimely demise,

he wanted to give you this.

His ashes?

Yes. And he specifically indicated,

"He'll know what to do with them."

Crumpled-up dead guy? Lucky.

This is actually a relief.

We were afraid that Oliver
was named in Spencer's will.

Oh, he is.

- He is?
- Mm.

- I am?
- Mm-hmm.

[Clears throat]
Do I happen to be in the will?

That's Kathryn with a Y.

No, ma'am.

Oh. Well, I'm out of here.

But you two are in the will, as well.

- Us?
- Them?

Yes. We'll schedule a viewing
in the next day or two.

- A viewing?
- It's a video will.

Oh, that man.

He loved to record everything.

Ugh!

So, what are you gonna do
with Spencer's ashes?

I decided to spread them
in his motor court.

Why would Spencer want a driveway to be

his final resting place?

Because he loved cars
and it's where we first met

and... it's right across the street.

You can't just phone this in

because you don't know what to do.

Spencer was your friend.

Yeah. If you disrespect
the dead, they'll haunt you.

Spencer isn't gonna haunt us.

He doesn't care where his ashes are.

I'm doing it.

Spencer's spirit.

He's communicating
that he is not on board

with your stupid driveway scheme.

I'm not saying you're right, but
what else am I supposed to do?

He said I would know, but I don't.

I think I know how to figure out
what he'd want.

Great. How?

It'll cost you $20,000.

$20,000 to hear your dumb idea?

When you inherit Spencer's millions,

20 grand will be nothing.

Fine. What is it?

Ask someone who knew Spencer.

Talk to his old cellmate
from federal prison.

That's actually a good idea.

I can drive you there.

- Thanks.
- For another $20,000.

And a pony for the kid.

What if Spencer did leave us
his fortune and we're rich?

I'm not sure that would be good,
because money changes people.

Ah. My two favorite people
in my favorite place.

The Lord's blessings are many.

What are you doing here?

I thought you were leaving?

Well, I thought that I'd stay

and take care of my "Katie-cakes."

Now, I did the laundry, and now
I'm gonna go fluff your pillows.

This is exactly what I'm talking about.

Money changes people. She's being nice.

Good God! I hope "Dateline"
doesn't hear about this.

She's finally becoming
the mom she never was

just to get into my pocketbook.

Katie, can we talk about this
after my presentation?

Fine. Do you want to practice it on me?

No. You always interrupt me,
yelling "Freebird."

You're never gonna make it
if you can't handle hecklers.

What else can I do for you?

Nothing. I'm good.

I don't need any help from her.
Sell it someplace else, lady.

How about you go and sit
on the couch and watch TV

and I will make you
a grilled cheese sandwich?

Thanks, Mommy.

It's hard to stick to your
principles on an empty stomach.

And just the idea of
inheriting money from Spencer

is already screwing with my family.

Oliver officially has
dollar signs for eyeballs,

and now that she thinks
we're about to be rich,

my mother is acting like the mom

from every
Children's TYLENOL commercial.

Ooh, rich Katie. I can't wait.

What are you gonna buy first?

I have a thought...
get a replacement for that top.

Hey! I got this from the fancy
section at Marshall's.

I know it was fancy
because all the clothes

had those plastic alarm thingies.

Look, I may not have
a lot of extra money to burn,

but I actually like the way we live.

Katie, I've been rich,
and I've been poor,

and, trust me, rich is better.

Yeah, I've never been poor,

but from those ads I see
about feeding kids

for the price of a cup of coffee a day,

it definitely seems like it sucks.

I don't want money to ruin my kids.

No matter how much money you have,

you can always teach your kids
good values.

Angela's right.

To keep my kids from
getting spoiled, once a week,

I replace the sandwiches
in their lunch bag

with a note that says "Oops."

Doris, do you ever worry
that one of your kids

might someday...
I don't know... kill you?

- It's crossed my mind.
- [Laughs]

There is a big upside to having money.

Imagine going to the supermarket
and not checking prices.

- Mm.
- You could buy anything you want.

And at the movies,
you can buy snacks there

instead of filling your pockets

with everything you have in your house.

I've always wanted to do that.

And you can get your car washed.

I get my car washed.

Mnh-mnh, you can have
other people wash your car.

[Chuckles] No one likes driving by

and seeing Greg in a tank top.

Speak for yourself.

[Classical music plays]

Nice shot.

There you go.

Mr. Danfield is almost done
with his golf lesson.

Just have a seat.

This prison is incredible.

Steely Dan is playing this weekend.

I see why he loved it here.

Wait a minute. This is the place.

This is where Spencer wants me
to spread his ashes.

You really think Spencer wants
to spend eternity in prison?

Everyone who gets paroled from here

holds a special place in
their heart for Allenwood.

They have the highest alumni-giving rate

of all prisons.

This is definitely it.

MAN: Fore!

[Clattering]

I'd say that's a hard no from Spencer.

Sorry. My hands are slippery.

It's that new shea-butter hand
lotion they have at the spa.

[Chuckles] Sorry to keep you waiting.

I'm Reginald.

You must be Oliver.

Nice to meet you.

PRISONER: Wait.

This is Oliver?

Spencer's Oliver?

You know who I am?

Nice to meet you.

[Laughs]

Spencer would Skype in
once a week to catch up,

loved telling about the kid next door

who cared more about money
than he did about people.

Aww!

Sorry to hear about his passing.

Me too.

Spencer left me in charge of his ashes,

and I'm not sure what to do with them.

We thought you might know.

Well, you know Spencer's favorite place

in the entire world?

- His driveway?
- Hawaii.

It goes Oahu, Lanai, Maui,
this place, Kauai.

Hawaii.

He loved it there, and he never
got the chance to make it back.

That's perfect.

Hey, you. Time's up. Let's go.

You don't want to be late for
your scuba certification.

Right. We're not allowed
on the Aruba trip

unless we're fully prepared.

[Scoffs] Prison.

Taylor, thanks.

That really was a $20,000 idea.

Glad I could help.

Let's go home.

Oh.

You want a ride home, too?

That will be $30,000.

It was only $20,000 to take me here.

Surge pricing.

So, I was talking to Doris
and Angela about Spencer's will,

and I had a thought.

What if being rich is a good thing?

I thought you said money changes people?

Or what if it changes our lives
for the better?

With Spencer's inheritance,
I can manipulate my mother

into being the mom I've always wanted.

Mm. Healthy.

And you can stop worrying about tenure.

I don't follow.

You're the best
history professor they have.

You're a published author,
your students love you,

and when you're rich,
you don't have to work.

Screw the tenure. The pressure's off.

I hadn't thought of that.

You have all the power.

You're right.

I don't have to be nervous
for this meeting.

I can go in there, do whatever I want!

You're the top dog, dawg!

Woof, woof, woof, woof!

Please don't say anything.

?

KATIE: This is so sweet.

It feels like something
the Branch Davidians would do

before the Rapture.

But still sweet.

Morning.

Morning.

I made breakfast for everyone.

Yours is on the counter.

Watch this... inheritance at work.

This is great, but I like it

when the waffle smiles back at me.

Oh, I can do that.

Thanks.

I got to run to the grocery store.

I hope I can get back before
Spencer's will viewing.

I don't want you rushing.
That's how accidents happen.

No, you stay home,
and I'll go to the store.

Also, the gutters are disgusting.

We don't have a ladder,

but I'm sure you'll figure it out.

?

Hey, Dr. Paulson.

- Professor Otto, you're five minutes late.
- [Door closes]

Well, I meant to be 10 minutes late,

so looks like I got some time to kill.

Well, when you've finished
helping yourself

to our beverages,
why don't you have a seat?

You got it, big guy.

No net for the lemon?

No?

I'll make do.

So... what's up?

Tell us, Professor Otto,

what do you have
to offer the university,

should you be awarded tenure?

You know, I don't teach
because I have to.

I teach because I want to.

A lot of schools want to
put a ring on this finger,

so maybe you should be telling me why

I should spend the best years of
my career at this university.

Oh, oh, don't answer right away.

Think about it.

Get back to me. Or don't.

Professor, the board would like to know

what we can expect from you

in terms of potential grants,
published works,

speaking engagements.

You know, I could sit
and list my accomplishments,

but if you really want to know
what's under my hood...

Here's my book.

Check out the author photo

and resist the temptation
to swipe right.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
teacher's got to teach.

Professor Otto,
this is highly irregular.

Oh, God, I am so sorry.

"Dear Jimmy,
too many inside jokes to name.

Have a bitchin' summer... Greg."

What's up?

?

- Hey, guys.
- Finally, you're here.

- How'd the meeting go?
- Don't know, don't care.

May start my own college.

Ooh, can I be dean?

I'll show up at the frat parties,

and everyone will think
I'm there to shut it down,

but really I'm there to
turn it all the way up.

[Laughs]

Oh, sorry we had to meet here,
but the VCR I bought on eBay

had a copy of "Captain Ron"
jammed in it.

Hello, Ottos.

If you're watching this,
it means I'm dead.

Or at least, everyone thinks I'm dead.

Turn around.

Gotcha! [Laughs]

- [Chuckles]
- [Chuckles]

Nope, I'm dead.

All that diet soda has
finally caught up with me.

- Yeah.
- You are a fantastic family

who welcomed me into your home
with open arms,

especially you, Oliver.

And that's why I've decided
to leave my entire estate

and fortune to you and your parents.

- [Gasps]
- So enjoy being in the 1%.

[Laughs]

We're rich!

From now on,
we only shop at Whole Foods!

I'm gonna buy those
$20 candy bars by the register.

- There's more.
- Oh, there's more. Greg, there's more!

There's more.

- [Static]
- Hello, Oliver.

I've slept on it,

and I thought of something
even better to leave you...

- nothing.
- What?

I have no doubt you'll be
wildly successful.

There's nothing like the feeling of

earning your first million.

Ollie boy, I could never forgive myself

if I robbed you of that.

I am so sorry, Oliver.

You can come to
the college I'm starting.

Katie and Greg, my father always said,

"Family takes care of family,"
and I want to take care of you.

A prince. This man was a prince.

So you also get nothing.

A prince of [bleep].

I've seen money tear families apart,

and I can't risk ruining
the best family I know.

Linda, I don't know
what he's talking about.

We're a terrible family.
I hate these people.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, there's more.

- Maybe he changed his mind again.
- ? 99 Luftballoons ?

? ? Auf ihrem Weg zum Horizont ?

Spencer was a big fan of

videotaping himself doing karaoke.

You'd think for a multi-millionaire,

he wouldn't reuse the same tapes.

- Yes, Spencer, yes!
- Grandma?

- Oh, that's the stuff.
- Keep your voice down.

KATHRYN: I don't want
my daughter to know

I'm in town on her birthday.

Ugh...

This is so depressing.

Our rented house, our dented car,

that dress shirt I bought you
at the hardware store...

Spencer had us thinking
we were gonna be rich.

Why aren't you upset?

All you care about it money
and you just lost millions.

Because Spencer believed in me.

I'll make it on my own.

It'll mean more that way.

Wow.

I know.

When Oliver makes you
want to be a better person,

you know you're in a bad place.

I guess you better go in
and tell your mom what happened.

Now you can't bribe your stupid
mother into loving you anymore.

And you've got to go to Dr. Paulson

and beg for your stupid job back.

Got to be nicer ways
we could talk to each other.

Oh, my God, Mom!

The house is so clean.

And you made a crown roast of lamb.

So, tell me,
how did the will reading go?

We got the money.

[Both scream]

[Laughs]

Yeah!

?

Dr. Paulson.

Well, if it isn't Professor Otto,

the talk of the tenure board.

Good afternoon.

This is no time for jokes.

Never has anyone so brazenly

cast aside the protocol
of a tenure review.

Your disruptive, cavalier attitude...

- I can explain.
- ...is what this history department needs.

What?

...Ever. Whatever.

You have been awarded tenure.

[Applause]

- Yay!
- Whoo!

- Happy birthday!
- Happy birthday!

Oh. Are you serious?

Absolutely.

Everyone else was canned
answers, nervous laughter.

They could barely command a classroom,

let alone a department.

- Well...
- You had confidence, gravitas.

We're expecting big things from you.

Oh, and here's your key card
to the executive faculty lounge.

[Chorus sings]

?

Oh.

[Chuckles]

How'd it go?

It went great. I got tenure!

[Gasps] I'm so happy for you!

From now on, I don't need to be
a nervous wreck all the time.

How'd it go here?

Also great.

KATHRYN: Katie, I found two houses

right next to each other on the beach,

so we can be together.

[Clears throat]

You didn't tell her.

So you got tenure!

What's your endgame here?

Eventually, she's gonna realize
we're still poor people

who are buying the manager's
special discounted meat.

That is perfectly good meat.

Expiration dates are a scam.

Katie, you need to
tell your mom the truth.

So, what are you two talking about?

Katie has something
she needs to tell you.

Okay, Greg, you can leave.

This is a sensitive
mother-daughter conversation,

and she needs to hear it from me.

I understand.

Kathryn, we didn't get the money.

Greg, I was gonna do it!

- No, you weren't.
- I know.

You lied to me?

If I told you we didn't get the money,

you would just leave,

and I'm happy that
you're hanging out with me.

You never did that
when I was growing up.

And I hate to admit this...
but I like you.

Oh, honey, I like you, too. I...

Just sit down.

Look, I know that I wasn't the
best mom to you kids growing up.

What?

Well, I was hoping maybe you'd jump in

and correct me, but fine.

Look, I was convinced
that no one was gonna

take care of me
when I got older, so I...

I latched on to Spencer.

He was my safety net.

And truth is, I was actually
very fond of him.

Was it love?

No.

[Sighs] But we did have fun together.

And now I... I don't have him anymore.

Mom, I know it's not
a house on the water,

but you always have a place
here with us.

Thank you.

We would've never had this moment

if he would've given us the money.

So I guess this is our inheritance.

Yeah, but the money would've been nicer.

- I miss it so much.
- Mm.

I finally know what to do
with Spencer's ashes.

He was my friend,
but he felt more like family.

And like Spencer said,
"Family takes care of family."

So I've decided that
he should stay with us.

I think that's the way
he would've wanted it.

[Birds chirping]

Look!

He's happy.

We're not gonna be terrorized
by a very tan ghost.

[Chuckles]

Good job.

You did the right thing.

What's this?

It's your bill. You owe me $75,000.

Never should've had you toss me
that apple for five grand.

Oliver, Spencer recorded
some additional videos for you

to give you advice for
milestones in your life,

to let you know he's always there.

This one is for
when you get into Harvard.

This one is for when you make
your first million.

This one is for when you get married.

This one is for when
you get married again.

This one is how to hide your money

when the Feds are on to you.

And this one is just a VHS copy
of "9 1/2 Weeks."

We'll hang on to that one.

Well, that's everything.

It was very nice meeting all of you.

Linda, you have been great.

Do you have a card in case
we ever need to hire a lawyer?

Sure.

It's a $50,000 retainer,

then $200 per hour plus expenses.

We'll just call
the guy on the bus bench.

Have a nice life.

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