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NARRATOR: The Egyptian plover
and the Nile crocodile
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00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:08,933
are an example of a symbiotic
relationship at its finest.
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00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:10,441
[HANS GRUBER SNORTS]
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So... we're just watching TV
with the pig now.
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00:00:12,994 --> 00:00:15,394
Is that it? Is this my life?
6
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Hans Gruber has a name, Mama.
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We don't name food in this house.
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- We eat it.
- [SNORTING]
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00:00:20,016 --> 00:00:22,583
Mama, he doesn't understand
that you're joking.
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- I'm not.
- I promise you, sweetie.
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No one is ever going to eat Hans Gruber.
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He's a member of our family now.
13
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Uh, Greg, honey.
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Can you come join me at the window?
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Why?
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So we can look out.
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- Oh, at what?
- I want to have a private conversation.
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Why are you so bad at this?
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[SNORTS]
20
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Okay, you stay.
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You know that reoccurring fantasy I have
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where I accidentally get locked up
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in a mental hospital,
and I get to spend three weeks
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00:00:47,759 --> 00:00:49,359
alone in bed with no one bugging me?
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00:00:49,456 --> 00:00:51,456
I'm familiar with your
psych-ward vacation plan, yes.
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Well, I'm this close to doing it.
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00:00:53,464 --> 00:00:55,397
How is it that we both
said "no" to a puppy,
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00:00:55,502 --> 00:00:57,969
yet you took it upon yourself
to bring home a pig?
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Mama, guess what.
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00:00:59,577 --> 00:01:02,311
Hans Gruber and I
have a symbiotic relationship.
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I give him food, and he gives me love.
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Amazing.
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The pig has to go.
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00:01:07,318 --> 00:01:09,118
But we've gotten used to having
Hans Gruber around.
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This has gone on long enough.
Just fold already.
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00:01:11,665 --> 00:01:13,332
It's only a matter of time
before he does.
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What's that supposed to mean?
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Well, you always give in eventually.
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Is that what everyone
in this house thinks of me...
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00:01:19,578 --> 00:01:21,111
that I always give in?
41
00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:23,474
Well, guess what...
I'm not giving in on this one.
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- Ever.
- Oh, "ever."
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So, then, tomorrow?
44
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What the hell?
I can't get that pillow again.
45
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That's a one of a kind from T.J.Maxx.
46
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[SIGHS]
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This is me... forced to eat my anger.
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- [HANS GRUBER SNORTING]
- [GASPS]
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[GASPS]
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Just give him the M&M'S.
51
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Never!
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
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?
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00:01:52,076 --> 00:01:55,577
[CELLPHONE CHIMING]
55
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[KEYPAD CLACKING]
56
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Why are you sending
slutty emojis to someone
57
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who isn't your nice,
sweet boyfriend, Eyo?
58
00:02:01,893 --> 00:02:03,722
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
59
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- Who is he?
- I'm not telling you anything.
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Not a problem. I'll just FaceTime him.
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- Mom, give it back!
- Mnh-mnh!
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Mom, give me back my phone!
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You know what? Fine.
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00:02:11,737 --> 00:02:13,870
His name is John Reese,
and he's a senior.
65
00:02:13,978 --> 00:02:15,745
A senior?
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00:02:15,845 --> 00:02:17,478
If that's the best thing that
you have to say about him...
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00:02:17,578 --> 00:02:19,778
- [SNORTING]
- Ah, the McRib is back.
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[GASPS] I'm gonna stay on you forever
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about this, Taylor! I'm like herpes!
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KATIE: What the hell comes out
of your mouth sometimes, Katie?
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See, Mama? He's not expensive.
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He eats garbage.
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It's every mother's dream
to have a farm animal
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consuming trash in her kitchen.
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[SNORTING]
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You'll change your mind
once I've trained him.
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So, that's it?
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00:02:41,077 --> 00:02:42,877
That's your plan... train the hog?
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00:02:42,978 --> 00:02:44,011
Yes. Hans Gruber
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is an unconventional pet,
81
00:02:45,729 --> 00:02:46,928
but Anna-Kat has really bonded
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with him, and you know what?
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00:02:48,343 --> 00:02:49,676
- So have I.
- Oh.
84
00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,370
Yeah, I don't like the,
uh, hillbilly factor, obviously,
85
00:02:52,486 --> 00:02:54,586
but I'm impressed
that you're not folding.
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00:02:54,694 --> 00:02:56,460
I've never seen this side of you before.
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00:02:56,561 --> 00:02:58,027
Thank you, Oliver.
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00:02:58,123 --> 00:02:59,756
But Mom's not gonna put up
with it much longer.
89
00:02:59,855 --> 00:03:02,056
If you two decide to get divorced,
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00:03:02,164 --> 00:03:04,865
I'll go with whoever
doesn't get the minivan.
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00:03:04,983 --> 00:03:07,750
Katie? You're thinking about divorce?
92
00:03:07,869 --> 00:03:10,436
Just walk right in, Viv.
Don't worry about social norms.
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We are not getting divorced.
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00:03:12,079 --> 00:03:13,646
Oh, thank God, because, Katie,
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divorce is not as good
as you think it will be.
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00:03:15,884 --> 00:03:17,817
Even Greg might be better
than no husband.
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00:03:17,921 --> 00:03:19,320
- Thank you, Viv.
- You're welcome.
98
00:03:19,415 --> 00:03:20,414
Hey. These are for you.
99
00:03:20,501 --> 00:03:22,134
[GASPS] You bought me things?
100
00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:24,600
I wish I could buy things.
I have very little money.
101
00:03:24,712 --> 00:03:26,879
It turns out prenups
are legally binding,
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even if you dramatically
rip it up during mediation.
103
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Apparently, they make copies.
104
00:03:32,829 --> 00:03:34,028
You and Alan had a prenup?
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We did.
106
00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,206
I'm momentarily not as rich as I look.
107
00:03:37,311 --> 00:03:40,078
I got the house
but not a lot of actual money.
108
00:03:40,197 --> 00:03:41,229
So, I was hoping you could teach me
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00:03:41,317 --> 00:03:43,117
how to do laundry like poor people do.
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00:03:44,747 --> 00:03:46,981
Viv, I'm not gonna teach you
remedial housekeeping.
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Yay!
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Oh!
113
00:03:49,841 --> 00:03:51,975
You're doing it for me! Love it.
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Oh, do I need a ticket or anything?
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00:03:53,950 --> 00:03:55,249
No.
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Okay. Bye!
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[DOOR CLOSES]
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This is why having money is important.
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Spencer Blitz
doesn't do his own laundry.
120
00:04:03,084 --> 00:04:04,150
D.C.O.B.
121
00:04:05,224 --> 00:04:06,957
"Dry clean only, baby."
122
00:04:07,058 --> 00:04:09,625
Spencer is the type of greedy,
self-centered person
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00:04:09,740 --> 00:04:11,740
we don't want Oliver becoming.
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00:04:11,846 --> 00:04:14,413
I can't believe you're still
letting him work for that ex-con.
125
00:04:15,207 --> 00:04:17,474
She wants you to fold on this,
too, but don't do it, Dad.
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00:04:17,585 --> 00:04:18,617
Stay strong.
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Hey, puberty boy.
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Nobody asked you.
129
00:04:21,353 --> 00:04:22,853
?
130
00:04:22,950 --> 00:04:24,983
- [SNORTING]
- Come on. Come on.
131
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Drop it.
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00:04:26,957 --> 00:04:28,323
[GERMAN ACCENT]
Hans Gruber, you're a genius!
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00:04:28,417 --> 00:04:29,683
- [GERMAN ACCENT] Ja, schwein!
- [CHUCKLES]
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00:04:29,775 --> 00:04:31,375
[NORMAL VOICE] Where you off to?
135
00:04:31,474 --> 00:04:32,873
Uh, I'm picking up dinner
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00:04:32,968 --> 00:04:34,868
for me and Spencer from Tavern On Main.
137
00:04:34,972 --> 00:04:36,171
I'm really excited.
138
00:04:36,261 --> 00:04:37,928
I've never had a red lobster
from a restaurant
139
00:04:38,028 --> 00:04:39,494
that wasn't named "Red Lobster."
140
00:04:39,589 --> 00:04:41,523
You seem to be developing
a real friendship with Spencer.
141
00:04:41,626 --> 00:04:44,260
Seems like that?
Good, then it's working.
142
00:04:44,377 --> 00:04:46,344
Soon, he'll think of me
as the son he never had,
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and I'll become the sole heir
to a huge fortune
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that he does have.
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00:04:50,897 --> 00:04:52,530
All that smile's missing is this.
146
00:04:54,158 --> 00:04:55,524
Ooh, I like that. I'm gonna use it.
147
00:04:55,617 --> 00:04:57,784
?
148
00:04:57,893 --> 00:05:00,594
Mama. Watch this.
149
00:05:04,073 --> 00:05:06,173
Sit.
150
00:05:06,281 --> 00:05:08,147
Now, stay.
151
00:05:08,250 --> 00:05:09,182
[SNORTS]
152
00:05:11,748 --> 00:05:13,814
Wow! I'm impressed.
153
00:05:13,921 --> 00:05:15,120
Good work.
154
00:05:16,672 --> 00:05:18,472
Here. Go ahead.
155
00:05:18,573 --> 00:05:20,306
- Open them.
- Are you sure?
156
00:05:20,407 --> 00:05:22,240
Yeah, Hans Gruber's got this down.
157
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:26,757
[SQUEALS]
158
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:28,659
?
159
00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:29,960
Just drop the M&M'S!
160
00:05:30,050 --> 00:05:31,483
KATIE: Never!
161
00:05:33,073 --> 00:05:34,572
Table looks beautiful, Oli-boy.
162
00:05:34,669 --> 00:05:36,202
Go ahead and light the candles, will ya?
163
00:05:36,299 --> 00:05:37,765
Ooh, candlelight.
164
00:05:37,861 --> 00:05:39,627
Hi, guys!
165
00:05:39,729 --> 00:05:40,961
What are you doing here?
166
00:05:41,053 --> 00:05:42,586
Oh, I pulled my hamstring
167
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while I was out running,
and I had to stop to stretch.
168
00:05:45,230 --> 00:05:47,697
I looked out the window,
and there she was...
169
00:05:47,811 --> 00:05:50,612
bent clear over,
wearing the tightest pants
170
00:05:50,732 --> 00:05:53,332
I have ever had the pleasure
of seeing a woman wear.
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00:05:53,448 --> 00:05:55,014
They're called yoga pants.
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00:05:55,112 --> 00:05:56,178
Yoga pants?
173
00:05:56,266 --> 00:05:57,232
They're very stretchy.
174
00:05:57,319 --> 00:05:58,852
Oh, you're very stretchy.
175
00:05:58,949 --> 00:06:01,216
[BOTH LAUGH]
176
00:06:01,326 --> 00:06:03,793
Viv, sweetheart, don't you have
some place you need to be?
177
00:06:03,907 --> 00:06:06,441
Oliver, sweetheart,
I'm supposed to be here.
178
00:06:06,555 --> 00:06:08,155
Spencer invited me to dinner.
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00:06:08,254 --> 00:06:09,720
That's my seat.
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00:06:09,816 --> 00:06:11,282
I'll just go get the Cristal.
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00:06:11,377 --> 00:06:14,078
[GASPS] Ooh, I love it! [GIGGLES]
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00:06:15,622 --> 00:06:17,589
Viv.
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00:06:17,694 --> 00:06:19,160
Oliver.
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00:06:19,256 --> 00:06:20,722
I know exactly what you're doing.
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00:06:20,817 --> 00:06:21,950
You need a new rich guy,
186
00:06:22,041 --> 00:06:23,340
and you think you're gonna take mine.
187
00:06:23,433 --> 00:06:25,633
Oh, I don't think it. I know it.
188
00:06:25,742 --> 00:06:26,741
Oh, yeah?
189
00:06:26,828 --> 00:06:28,395
What makes you so sure of that?
190
00:06:28,492 --> 00:06:30,692
Because only one of us has boobs.
191
00:06:30,801 --> 00:06:33,735
?
192
00:06:35,148 --> 00:06:37,182
Say goodbye to Oliver!
193
00:06:37,287 --> 00:06:38,920
SPENCER: Bye, Oliver!
194
00:06:41,498 --> 00:06:43,031
I have to be honest, Katie.
195
00:06:43,128 --> 00:06:45,295
I thought it would be hard
to be physically attracted
196
00:06:45,403 --> 00:06:48,304
to a 78-year-old man,
but Spencer's so wealthy.
197
00:06:48,426 --> 00:06:50,459
- I mean, I'm not a gold digger.
- No, you are not!
198
00:06:50,565 --> 00:06:53,365
But this gold is like right there,
199
00:06:53,485 --> 00:06:55,785
heaped up in a huge pile.
200
00:06:55,896 --> 00:06:57,429
You'd be crazy not to pick it up.
201
00:06:57,526 --> 00:06:58,625
I know!
202
00:06:58,715 --> 00:07:00,648
Did you do the yoga-pants
stretch I suggested?
203
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:02,052
[GASPS]
204
00:07:02,145 --> 00:07:03,644
That would've done it.
205
00:07:03,741 --> 00:07:05,074
Almost doing it for me.
206
00:07:05,166 --> 00:07:06,766
- Right?!
- Mm-hmm.
207
00:07:06,865 --> 00:07:08,097
It was you.
208
00:07:08,189 --> 00:07:10,022
What's that now?
209
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:11,691
You sent Viv over to Spencer's
210
00:07:11,789 --> 00:07:13,455
so she could squeeze me
out of the picture.
211
00:07:13,554 --> 00:07:16,121
I was his only friend in the
world until this came along.
212
00:07:16,237 --> 00:07:18,103
- Hi.
- It's not gonna work.
213
00:07:18,206 --> 00:07:20,106
Spencer and I have something
special together,
214
00:07:20,210 --> 00:07:22,310
and I'm not gonna let you two
get between us.
215
00:07:22,418 --> 00:07:29,990
?
216
00:07:30,194 --> 00:07:32,827
Oliver.
217
00:07:32,944 --> 00:07:34,277
Viv.
218
00:07:34,371 --> 00:07:35,770
That car is gonna shine.
219
00:07:35,865 --> 00:07:38,019
This kid knows how to take care of me.
220
00:07:39,566 --> 00:07:41,766
Keep walking, blondie.
221
00:07:48,225 --> 00:07:49,992
?
222
00:07:50,093 --> 00:07:51,092
? Whoa! ?
223
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,278
? Swingin' in there ?
224
00:07:52,368 --> 00:07:53,434
? 'Cause she wanted me to feed her ?
225
00:07:53,522 --> 00:07:54,922
? So, I mixed up the batter ?
226
00:07:55,017 --> 00:07:56,516
? And she licked the beater ?
227
00:07:56,613 --> 00:07:59,180
? I scream, you scream,
we all scream for her ?
228
00:07:59,296 --> 00:08:01,896
? Don't even try
'cause you can't ignore her ?
229
00:08:02,012 --> 00:08:04,646
? She's my cherry pie ?
230
00:08:04,763 --> 00:08:05,662
? Cool drink of water ?
231
00:08:05,747 --> 00:08:07,280
? Such a sweet surprise ?
232
00:08:07,377 --> 00:08:08,476
? Tastes so good ?
233
00:08:08,566 --> 00:08:10,032
? Make a grown man cry ?
234
00:08:10,128 --> 00:08:12,094
? Sweet cherry pie ?
235
00:08:12,199 --> 00:08:13,031
? Oh, yeah ?
236
00:08:13,116 --> 00:08:15,283
? She's my cherry pie ?
237
00:08:15,392 --> 00:08:17,792
I'm soaking.
238
00:08:17,905 --> 00:08:20,405
Would you be a sweetheart
and go get me a towel?
239
00:08:20,519 --> 00:08:22,285
Anything for you.
240
00:08:22,387 --> 00:08:24,478
We're done here, Oliver.
241
00:08:26,394 --> 00:08:33,466
?
242
00:08:38,208 --> 00:08:41,450
Does anyone know what's inside
this container of cream cheese?
243
00:08:41,564 --> 00:08:44,055
Someone wrote "This is not
cream cheese" on it.
244
00:08:44,155 --> 00:08:46,956
Mom, you've dated two guys at
the same time before, right?
245
00:08:47,076 --> 00:08:48,909
Yeah, of course. Wait.
246
00:08:49,011 --> 00:08:50,811
No.
247
00:08:52,305 --> 00:08:54,773
Ugh. This is not cream cheese.
248
00:08:54,886 --> 00:08:56,519
Hold that thought. What are you doing?
249
00:08:56,618 --> 00:08:59,352
Fighting for my man.
250
00:08:59,470 --> 00:09:01,370
I'm gonna introduce Spencer
to the 21st century
251
00:09:01,473 --> 00:09:03,273
using the very Xbox Viv gave me.
252
00:09:03,375 --> 00:09:04,641
Stay out of Viv's way.
253
00:09:04,734 --> 00:09:06,033
She needs Spencer more than you do.
254
00:09:06,126 --> 00:09:07,292
How do you figure?
255
00:09:07,382 --> 00:09:09,182
A woman like Viv,
when she sees an opportunity
256
00:09:09,284 --> 00:09:11,451
to better her situation,
she has to grab it.
257
00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:13,259
She's only after his money,
258
00:09:13,359 --> 00:09:15,325
which is gonna be my money... mine.
259
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:17,197
Oliver, for the last time...
260
00:09:17,298 --> 00:09:18,264
[SNORTING]
261
00:09:18,351 --> 00:09:19,617
There aren't even M&M'S!
262
00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:21,376
- Hans Gruber!
- It's not easy for me
263
00:09:21,475 --> 00:09:22,541
to jump up on this counter, Greg!
264
00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:23,862
You know I have a thing against jumping!
265
00:09:25,549 --> 00:09:27,850
I realize the dog-training-book
approach isn't working,
266
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,694
but I've tracked down someone
who can help.
267
00:09:29,794 --> 00:09:30,993
Do you remember The Critter Man?
268
00:09:31,085 --> 00:09:32,852
You mean that weird guy
who got those baby raccoons
269
00:09:32,952 --> 00:09:34,018
out of the basement?
270
00:09:34,107 --> 00:09:35,573
And drove them all the way to Maine
271
00:09:35,670 --> 00:09:37,603
and set them free
by that beautiful lake?
272
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:40,474
Uh... yeah. That's what that guy did.
273
00:09:40,593 --> 00:09:42,826
The Critter Man
is gonna drive Hans Gruber
274
00:09:42,936 --> 00:09:45,070
to Maine to live with
the baby raccoons by the lake?
275
00:09:45,177 --> 00:09:47,177
No. He hooked me up
with a pig whisperer.
276
00:09:47,283 --> 00:09:48,449
If you're serious, I'm gonna drive you
277
00:09:48,540 --> 00:09:50,173
up to Maine to live by the lake.
278
00:09:50,271 --> 00:09:51,804
We're not getting a pig whisperer!
279
00:09:51,901 --> 00:09:53,901
First of all, I don't even need
a "first of all."
280
00:09:54,007 --> 00:09:55,039
We're not doing it.
281
00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:56,993
I'm doubling down
on training Hans Gruber.
282
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,631
Everyone expects me to fold.
This is me not folding!
283
00:10:01,850 --> 00:10:04,084
And you need to get used to me
and Spencer being together.
284
00:10:04,194 --> 00:10:05,860
You will not break us apart.
285
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:07,426
And I know how that sounds.
286
00:10:07,522 --> 00:10:10,856
?
287
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:12,284
Now head into the jungle village
288
00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,745
and don't shoot anyone
who isn't holding a gun.
289
00:10:14,857 --> 00:10:18,158
This new technology's unbelievable.
290
00:10:18,287 --> 00:10:21,154
That little girl hiding behind
the well looks so realistic.
291
00:10:21,275 --> 00:10:22,441
She's got a machete.
292
00:10:22,532 --> 00:10:23,764
She looks so sweet.
293
00:10:23,856 --> 00:10:25,322
I'll just shoot her in the arm.
294
00:10:25,418 --> 00:10:26,751
Ooh, right in the forehead.
295
00:10:26,844 --> 00:10:28,210
Hey, Spence.
296
00:10:28,304 --> 00:10:29,670
You want to go play tennis
with me out back?
297
00:10:29,764 --> 00:10:31,630
I never want to do anything else except
298
00:10:31,734 --> 00:10:34,034
play these new, high-tech video games.
299
00:10:36,216 --> 00:10:37,549
Did you hear that, Viv?
300
00:10:37,643 --> 00:10:39,776
Who has the boobs now?
301
00:10:39,884 --> 00:10:42,752
?
302
00:10:42,872 --> 00:10:44,238
Hey, Spence.
303
00:10:44,332 --> 00:10:45,765
Do you want to go take a bath?
304
00:10:47,456 --> 00:10:48,922
Get out, Oliver.
305
00:10:49,019 --> 00:10:51,553
?
306
00:10:51,667 --> 00:10:54,268
Okay, first, you need to learn
how to assert dominance.
307
00:10:54,384 --> 00:10:55,783
Let him know who's in charge.
308
00:10:55,878 --> 00:10:57,544
Never be the one to break eye contact.
309
00:10:57,644 --> 00:10:58,943
Like this?
310
00:10:59,036 --> 00:11:00,435
Exactly like this.
311
00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:01,863
Do not look away.
312
00:11:01,956 --> 00:11:03,589
Do not show weakness.
313
00:11:03,688 --> 00:11:05,588
You are in charge.
314
00:11:05,692 --> 00:11:08,793
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
315
00:11:13,265 --> 00:11:14,897
Are you guys about to kiss?
316
00:11:14,996 --> 00:11:17,230
I don't know.
317
00:11:17,340 --> 00:11:19,306
KATIE: I've solved my Oliver problem
318
00:11:19,411 --> 00:11:20,710
by getting him away from Spencer
319
00:11:20,803 --> 00:11:22,836
and Viv's problem by getting her
involved with Spencer.
320
00:11:22,942 --> 00:11:24,708
I've only got one problem left,
321
00:11:24,810 --> 00:11:26,777
and that problem tastes really good
322
00:11:26,882 --> 00:11:30,283
with barbecue sauce and potato salad.
323
00:11:30,413 --> 00:11:31,712
Can't eat the pig, Katie.
324
00:11:31,806 --> 00:11:33,238
We can't keep it, either.
325
00:11:33,333 --> 00:11:34,432
It's getting bigger every day.
326
00:11:34,522 --> 00:11:36,055
Seriously, Greg, just fold already.
327
00:11:36,152 --> 00:11:39,053
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
328
00:11:39,174 --> 00:11:41,007
What are you doing?
329
00:11:41,110 --> 00:11:42,710
Nothing.
330
00:11:44,981 --> 00:11:46,380
Kind of feels like
you're doing something.
331
00:11:46,475 --> 00:11:47,975
Nope.
332
00:11:50,245 --> 00:11:52,045
Are you trying to pig-train me, Greg?
333
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:53,145
Is that what this is?
334
00:11:53,233 --> 00:11:55,266
Shh.
335
00:11:55,372 --> 00:12:00,542
?
336
00:12:00,704 --> 00:12:02,370
Whatever this is,
337
00:12:02,469 --> 00:12:04,068
you shouldn't be doing it
with the door open.
338
00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:05,266
What do you want, Taylor?
339
00:12:05,356 --> 00:12:06,822
- Can I go to a party?
- With who?
340
00:12:06,918 --> 00:12:08,284
- John Reese.
- Who's that?
341
00:12:08,378 --> 00:12:10,678
- He's a senior.
- You're dating Eyo!
342
00:12:10,789 --> 00:12:12,188
Yeah, I know, but I took Mom's advice.
343
00:12:12,283 --> 00:12:13,782
What are you talking about?
344
00:12:13,879 --> 00:12:16,747
You told Viv to go for a senior.
I'm going for a senior, too.
345
00:12:16,867 --> 00:12:19,168
Better parties, better social status.
346
00:12:19,278 --> 00:12:20,778
I'm grabbing a better opportunity.
347
00:12:22,708 --> 00:12:24,875
What did you say to her? I like Eyo.
348
00:12:24,983 --> 00:12:26,215
He's a good kid, and we don't know
349
00:12:26,307 --> 00:12:27,707
the first thing about this senior.
350
00:12:27,801 --> 00:12:29,568
You brought home a live pig!
351
00:12:29,670 --> 00:12:30,702
You can't keep playing the pig card.
352
00:12:30,790 --> 00:12:32,556
Oh, I can. And do you want to know why?
353
00:12:32,658 --> 00:12:34,124
Because it's a pig card!
354
00:12:34,220 --> 00:12:36,053
Ah! You're driving me crazy.
355
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:37,989
I must say, this is
a refreshing change of pace.
356
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,090
What does that mean?
357
00:12:39,178 --> 00:12:40,277
Just that usually you're the one
358
00:12:40,366 --> 00:12:41,432
who does exactly what she wants,
359
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:42,519
and I'm forced to deal with it.
360
00:12:42,607 --> 00:12:44,507
- Is that so?
- Yeah, it is so.
361
00:12:44,611 --> 00:12:45,777
It is so, so.
362
00:12:45,867 --> 00:12:47,567
It is so, so, so!
363
00:12:47,667 --> 00:12:48,933
We're doing a pillow wall tonight.
364
00:12:49,026 --> 00:12:51,026
No. My anger's too big
for a pillow wall.
365
00:12:51,131 --> 00:12:52,764
We're going toes to nose.
366
00:12:58,330 --> 00:13:00,197
Greg, why do your feet look so good?
367
00:13:00,299 --> 00:13:02,099
Are you wasting our money
on pedicures again?
368
00:13:02,201 --> 00:13:03,967
Katie, do you want to have
the pedicure fight
369
00:13:04,069 --> 00:13:05,302
or stick with this pig fight?
370
00:13:05,393 --> 00:13:06,765
'Cause I'm not folding on anything,
371
00:13:06,845 --> 00:13:09,587
and it's not a waste of money if it
makes me feel better about myself.
372
00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:10,638
[SCOFFS]
373
00:13:10,725 --> 00:13:11,924
?
374
00:13:13,817 --> 00:13:15,231
I feel kind of bad.
375
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,996
I helped Viv get out
of a loveless marriage,
376
00:13:17,068 --> 00:13:18,678
but then encouraged her
to go for Spencer
377
00:13:18,755 --> 00:13:20,248
for no reason other than money.
378
00:13:20,337 --> 00:13:22,194
If you break up Viv and Spencer,
379
00:13:22,298 --> 00:13:24,397
Oliver will run right back to Spencer.
380
00:13:24,503 --> 00:13:26,936
But if you don't do anything,
then you're teaching Taylor
381
00:13:27,043 --> 00:13:28,843
that love is just about
status and money.
382
00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:31,330
Ooh, you have to pick one child to save.
383
00:13:31,442 --> 00:13:32,740
This is a real Katie's Choice.
384
00:13:32,828 --> 00:13:35,228
So... which kid are you gonna save?
385
00:13:37,581 --> 00:13:40,082
- I choose to save Taylor.
- Mm-hmm.
386
00:13:40,196 --> 00:13:43,397
Because if I let Oliver go down
the Spencer path when he's rich,
387
00:13:43,524 --> 00:13:46,592
he'll put us in one of those
nice, retirement communities.
388
00:13:46,716 --> 00:13:48,983
Not like that rat trap
we'll have to put my mom in.
389
00:13:49,738 --> 00:13:52,239
You guys have to help me
break up Viv and Spencer.
390
00:13:52,353 --> 00:13:54,286
Ooh. Let's take Viv out tonight.
391
00:13:54,391 --> 00:13:57,158
We can help her find someone
else so she forgets him.
392
00:13:57,277 --> 00:13:58,309
Are you guys in a rush?
393
00:13:58,398 --> 00:13:59,530
- No.
- Not really.
394
00:13:59,620 --> 00:14:00,986
Good, because I need at least 20 minutes
395
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,347
to complain about Greg
and his stupid pig.
396
00:14:03,457 --> 00:14:06,625
It makes so much noise,
and it eats the garb...
397
00:14:06,751 --> 00:14:09,085
This is a time where you can
just zone out and let me talk.
398
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:10,496
- Cool.
- Cool.
399
00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:12,955
Its snout is just the grossest
thing in the world.
400
00:14:13,067 --> 00:14:14,333
It's wet...
401
00:14:14,426 --> 00:14:17,026
?
402
00:14:17,142 --> 00:14:19,476
Viv, we are taking you
out tonight, okay?
403
00:14:19,588 --> 00:14:21,721
We are going to meet some nice,
eligible men.
404
00:14:21,829 --> 00:14:23,472
Or maybe a woman.
405
00:14:23,575 --> 00:14:24,974
Ooh, I tried that in college
eight times.
406
00:14:25,054 --> 00:14:26,253
It just wasn't for me.
407
00:14:26,339 --> 00:14:28,339
It took you eight times
to figure that out?
408
00:14:28,445 --> 00:14:30,912
- Okay.
- You guys, I'm fine!
409
00:14:31,026 --> 00:14:32,826
Spencer checks all the boxes.
410
00:14:32,927 --> 00:14:35,394
He's rich. There's really just one box.
411
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:36,908
- You need to find a good guy.
- Yeah.
412
00:14:37,002 --> 00:14:38,835
Someone nice who you can
fall in love with.
413
00:14:38,938 --> 00:14:40,471
- Like Greg.
- Well, thanks, Doris.
414
00:14:40,568 --> 00:14:42,167
But not Greg. Not ever Greg.
415
00:14:42,265 --> 00:14:44,098
If Katie dies, I call dibs.
416
00:14:44,201 --> 00:14:46,535
- [SNORTING]
- Not my bra, you stupid pig! Drop it!
417
00:14:46,646 --> 00:14:49,247
Katie, relax.
You're not supposed to yell.
418
00:14:49,363 --> 00:14:50,328
[SNORTS]
419
00:14:50,415 --> 00:14:51,948
Use a low, calm voice.
420
00:14:52,046 --> 00:14:54,379
In case you haven't noticed,
I don't have one of those.
421
00:14:54,490 --> 00:14:56,290
The pig has got to go!
422
00:14:56,392 --> 00:14:57,691
- No!
- Yes!
423
00:14:57,785 --> 00:15:00,252
Ladies, I'm sorry you had to see
this side of my marriage.
424
00:15:00,366 --> 00:15:01,698
[SNORTS]
425
00:15:01,791 --> 00:15:03,290
Excuse me while I storm off with my pig.
426
00:15:03,387 --> 00:15:05,721
[SQUEALING]
427
00:15:08,379 --> 00:15:10,179
I think I'm just gonna
stick with Spencer.
428
00:15:10,281 --> 00:15:12,848
Ah. Doris, maybe you and I
should go get some wine.
429
00:15:12,964 --> 00:15:14,863
- And not come back.
- Yeah.
430
00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,892
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
431
00:15:19,992 --> 00:15:21,659
Are you and Daddy okay?
432
00:15:21,759 --> 00:15:24,159
Honey, if two unplanned pregnancies,
433
00:15:24,272 --> 00:15:25,871
a houseful of lice,
and a move to Westport
434
00:15:25,969 --> 00:15:28,169
can't break us up, nothing will.
435
00:15:28,279 --> 00:15:30,279
- [CELLPHONE CHIMING]
- [CHUCKLES]
436
00:15:32,217 --> 00:15:35,352
John Reese. Okay, I need
to talk to my girls.
437
00:15:35,478 --> 00:15:36,577
That includes you, too, Viv.
438
00:15:41,217 --> 00:15:43,617
In a relationship...
like in that nature show...
439
00:15:43,730 --> 00:15:46,864
sometimes it's symbiotic
and everything's perfect.
440
00:15:46,989 --> 00:15:48,956
And sometimes it's parasitic
441
00:15:49,060 --> 00:15:50,927
and you want to throttle each other.
442
00:15:51,031 --> 00:15:52,563
But the important part is
443
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,728
the core of the relationship
never changes.
444
00:15:55,853 --> 00:15:57,753
I have been working
on my core like crazy.
445
00:15:57,855 --> 00:16:00,723
Different core, Viv. Pay attention.
446
00:16:00,845 --> 00:16:04,112
When I met your daddy,
I knew he was the one for me.
447
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:06,941
I had dated a lot of bad boys,
448
00:16:07,059 --> 00:16:10,327
but he was so kind and so smart...
449
00:16:10,454 --> 00:16:12,888
that I couldn't help
but fall in love with him.
450
00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:14,834
Half the time I didn't know
what he was talking about,
451
00:16:14,937 --> 00:16:18,438
but I got this special feeling
in my stomach,
452
00:16:18,570 --> 00:16:22,138
and that part never goes away
453
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:24,239
no matter how many pigs he brings home.
454
00:16:26,007 --> 00:16:27,674
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
455
00:16:29,471 --> 00:16:31,170
Oh, thanks for coming
on such short notice.
456
00:16:31,270 --> 00:16:32,736
Oh, not a problem.
457
00:16:32,832 --> 00:16:35,166
I was just in Wilton dealing with
a depressed pig, and I was like,
458
00:16:35,277 --> 00:16:37,411
[WHISPERING] "You're just
gonna be such a good pig.
459
00:16:37,519 --> 00:16:38,851
No one's ever gonna eat that pig."
460
00:16:38,945 --> 00:16:40,144
- [NORMAL VOICE] And that did the trick.
- Mm.
461
00:16:40,235 --> 00:16:42,602
Greg, why is the Pig Whisperer here?
462
00:16:42,714 --> 00:16:44,680
'Cause I'm not giving up on Hans Gruber.
463
00:16:44,786 --> 00:16:47,253
Uh... Greg, can you join me
in your office?
464
00:16:47,366 --> 00:16:48,365
Why?
465
00:16:48,453 --> 00:16:50,486
- To look over some papers.
- What papers?
466
00:16:50,593 --> 00:16:51,592
I want to yell at you in private.
467
00:16:51,679 --> 00:16:53,179
You're the worst at this!
468
00:16:56,501 --> 00:16:58,167
[SNORTING]
469
00:16:58,267 --> 00:16:59,599
If this pig is just about you
470
00:16:59,693 --> 00:17:01,493
proving to everyone that you don't fold,
471
00:17:01,595 --> 00:17:03,127
then it's time to pick something else.
472
00:17:03,225 --> 00:17:05,066
Something like you say you want Mexican,
473
00:17:05,146 --> 00:17:06,526
and I say, "No, I want Italian,"
474
00:17:06,621 --> 00:17:08,821
and then you say, "I want Mexican,"
and then we have Mexican.
475
00:17:08,930 --> 00:17:11,163
- It's not that simple.
- [SIGHS]
476
00:17:12,698 --> 00:17:14,665
When I was five years old,
we had a dog that I loved
477
00:17:14,771 --> 00:17:16,737
more than anything in the world,
478
00:17:16,842 --> 00:17:18,575
and my very first day of kindergarten,
479
00:17:18,676 --> 00:17:19,875
I kissed him goodbye
480
00:17:19,966 --> 00:17:21,933
and when I got back home, he was gone.
481
00:17:22,037 --> 00:17:24,738
My dad had given him away.
I was crushed.
482
00:17:24,856 --> 00:17:27,323
And I can't do that to Anna-Kat.
483
00:17:27,437 --> 00:17:29,070
I'm sorry. I just can't.
484
00:17:32,666 --> 00:17:34,599
I've never heard this story before.
485
00:17:34,704 --> 00:17:37,205
Well, it's not something
I like to talk about.
486
00:17:37,318 --> 00:17:40,886
Just out of curiosity,
what was the dog's name?
487
00:17:41,020 --> 00:17:42,153
- Winston.
- Winston.
488
00:17:42,242 --> 00:17:43,475
Yeah, 'cause he looked like
Winston Churchill.
489
00:17:43,567 --> 00:17:44,933
Mm-hmm.
490
00:17:45,026 --> 00:17:46,393
I see.
491
00:17:46,487 --> 00:17:47,453
Go ahead and call my mom and ask.
492
00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:49,072
I'm not calling your mom.
493
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,535
Okay.
494
00:17:50,630 --> 00:17:51,796
I guess the pig can stay...
495
00:17:51,887 --> 00:17:53,219
[SNORTS]
496
00:17:53,313 --> 00:17:55,713
...because of this important
story in your life...
497
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:57,391
that I just heard...
498
00:17:57,489 --> 00:18:00,323
for the first time ever just now.
499
00:18:00,444 --> 00:18:02,544
Right.
500
00:18:02,651 --> 00:18:04,851
Mm.
501
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,994
?
502
00:18:08,118 --> 00:18:12,020
[SNORTING]
503
00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:13,592
I know! I know! I know!
504
00:18:13,687 --> 00:18:16,354
You are so funny.
505
00:18:16,472 --> 00:18:18,539
You're so cute and handsome,
506
00:18:18,645 --> 00:18:21,179
and you don't have that weird,
old-man smell.
507
00:18:24,010 --> 00:18:25,743
I'll be right back.
508
00:18:28,018 --> 00:18:31,152
[GASPS] Oh, my God.
509
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,411
I think I know what you
were talking about.
510
00:18:33,519 --> 00:18:37,087
I have that special feeling,
and he asked me out.
511
00:18:37,220 --> 00:18:39,620
You know he's our pig trainer,
and he's 27.
512
00:18:39,733 --> 00:18:42,134
We're the same age!
513
00:18:44,656 --> 00:18:47,023
[GUNFIRE]
514
00:18:47,136 --> 00:18:48,569
I got bad news for you.
515
00:18:48,664 --> 00:18:50,463
Oh, yeah?
516
00:18:50,565 --> 00:18:52,065
Viv met another guy.
517
00:18:52,161 --> 00:18:55,229
Eh, she wasn't the first,
and she won't be the last.
518
00:18:55,354 --> 00:18:57,387
She might be pretty close to the last.
519
00:18:57,493 --> 00:19:00,115
Next time, you have to be careful.
520
00:19:00,257 --> 00:19:01,460
There's a lot of people out there
521
00:19:01,545 --> 00:19:03,233
who just want to be with you
for your money.
522
00:19:03,334 --> 00:19:05,267
Thank you, kid.
523
00:19:05,371 --> 00:19:07,972
So, uh, what do you want me
to pick up for dinner tonight?
524
00:19:08,087 --> 00:19:10,187
Mm... lobster.
525
00:19:10,295 --> 00:19:11,428
For two.
526
00:19:13,317 --> 00:19:15,083
I'll just get my wallet.
527
00:19:15,185 --> 00:19:18,053
[BOMB WHISTLES, EXPLODES]
528
00:19:18,173 --> 00:19:25,378
?
529
00:19:25,576 --> 00:19:28,077
- What's going on?
- Oh.
530
00:19:28,190 --> 00:19:30,224
Taylor was just telling me she's
gonna stop texting John Reese.
531
00:19:30,331 --> 00:19:31,496
Yeah, it's not fair to Eyo.
532
00:19:31,587 --> 00:19:32,820
Good for you, honey.
533
00:19:32,911 --> 00:19:33,944
Yeah, well done.
534
00:19:34,031 --> 00:19:37,500
Maybe I should text John
and give him some closure.
535
00:19:37,631 --> 00:19:39,031
Nah, I'm just gonna go dark.
536
00:19:41,604 --> 00:19:44,071
By the way, just got off
the phone with your mom.
537
00:19:44,185 --> 00:19:45,651
You picked up when my mom called?
538
00:19:45,747 --> 00:19:46,879
Were you buried under rubble?
539
00:19:46,969 --> 00:19:48,736
I called her to confirm
540
00:19:48,837 --> 00:19:51,038
your dog sob story, which she did.
541
00:19:51,146 --> 00:19:52,479
- Katie.
- Don't be mad.
542
00:19:52,573 --> 00:19:53,972
I feel like I was already punished.
543
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:57,301
She droned on for 45 minutes
about her latest food allergy.
544
00:19:57,428 --> 00:19:58,794
Lots of bowel talk.
545
00:19:58,889 --> 00:20:00,388
Ah. Dairy.
546
00:20:00,485 --> 00:20:03,953
I'm sorry for doubting
your story about Winston.
547
00:20:04,084 --> 00:20:07,419
And we can keep Hans Gruber
for as long as you want.
548
00:20:07,548 --> 00:20:09,815
Thanks, sweetie.
549
00:20:09,925 --> 00:20:11,658
Well...
550
00:20:11,759 --> 00:20:13,692
I'm gonna go feed our pig some garbage.
551
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,782
[CELLPHONE BEEPS]
552
00:20:18,890 --> 00:20:21,791
Mom, thanks for covering for me.
She totally bought it!
553
00:20:21,912 --> 00:20:24,013
I know! I know! For once, I didn't fold.
554
00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:30,505
You want the last M&M?
I know you like the greens.
555
00:20:30,607 --> 00:20:32,240
[SNORTS]
556
00:20:32,330 --> 00:20:34,898
Greg, we're all out of M&M'S.
Can you go get us some more?
557
00:20:35,008 --> 00:20:36,107
You're the ones that ate them.
558
00:20:36,196 --> 00:20:39,497
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]
559
00:20:39,626 --> 00:20:41,726
The pig stare
is not going to work, Katie.
560
00:20:41,832 --> 00:20:42,731
Don't even try.
561
00:20:42,818 --> 00:20:45,419
?
562
00:20:45,534 --> 00:20:48,335
I'm not moving.
563
00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:51,656
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
564
00:20:51,783 --> 00:20:56,741
?
565
00:20:56,909 --> 00:20:58,135
Okay, but for the record,
566
00:20:58,213 --> 00:20:59,745
I'm doing this because I want to.
567
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:04,600
Who's my good, little Greg Whisperer?
568
00:21:04,669 --> 00:21:07,169
- [Snorts]
- You are.
569
00:21:07,219 --> 00:21:11,769
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