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1
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2
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Greg, you're cooking.
3
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Don't do something nice for me
4
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that will take me an hour to clean up.
5
00:00:10,110 --> 00:00:12,044
No, I'm researching
a historical dish to drop off
6
00:00:12,112 --> 00:00:15,047
with my application for the
Westport Historical Guild.
7
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Colonial onion pie?
8
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It's an homage to Westport's past
9
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as a leading onion producer in America.
10
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I think it'll help my application
stand out from the crowd.
11
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Crowd? What crowd?
12
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It's eight guys talking about
preserving dirt roads.
13
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I'm aware the stakes are high.
14
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You don't need to make me any
more nervous than I already am.
15
00:00:28,495 --> 00:00:29,561
Okay.
16
00:00:29,630 --> 00:00:31,597
My apologies for being late.
17
00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:33,232
But you have to dress
for the life you want,
18
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:34,399
not the life you have.
19
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Where did you get the money to buy
20
00:00:35,603 --> 00:00:37,603
that ridiculously expensive shirt?
21
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,204
I dipped into my save jar.
22
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And who are you dressing up for, Oliver?
23
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Your girlfriend?
24
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Her I have to answer.
25
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You I owe nothing.
26
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I'm finished. Can I go play?
27
00:00:50,150 --> 00:00:51,583
Sweetie, you didn't wash
your hands four times.
28
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:52,684
Is something wrong?
29
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,420
Nope. I just don't feel like it today.
30
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She just doesn't feel like it today.
31
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Yeah, but she could wash them once.
32
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Her hands are covered in egg.
33
00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:04,763
Ah, Dr. Ellie's really helping
Anna-Kat with her OCD.
34
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She might be on her way
to becoming a typical kid.
35
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[Footsteps]
36
00:01:16,043 --> 00:01:17,576
Well, two steps forward,
four steps back.
37
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,578
But still, it's a victory.
We should celebrate.
38
00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:21,079
Let's go out tonight
for dinner and drinks.
39
00:01:21,148 --> 00:01:23,048
That sounds so tiring.
40
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Agreed. I regretted it
the moment I said it.
41
00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:26,485
Yeah.
42
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Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
43
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44
00:01:32,826 --> 00:01:35,127
What are you doing?
We have to pay for those.
45
00:01:35,195 --> 00:01:37,929
Greg, you're always taking
the high road.
46
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We're paying for them
by buying all this other stuff.
47
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- It's part of the deal.
- It's stealing.
48
00:01:41,947 --> 00:01:43,393
- Or sampling.
- Or stealing.
49
00:01:43,503 --> 00:01:45,303
Look, we could go 'round
and 'round about this for hours.
50
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,439
Let's just agree that it's
sampling and call it a day.
51
00:01:47,507 --> 00:01:49,341
Oh, onions.
52
00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:50,709
Recipe calls for two bushels.
53
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,377
Mm.
54
00:01:52,446 --> 00:01:54,713
Mama, Dad, Penny just invited me
55
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to her house for a playdate.
56
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Can I go?
57
00:01:58,885 --> 00:02:01,853
Well, Penny, depends on where you live.
58
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,322
Is your house a castle?
59
00:02:04,391 --> 00:02:07,025
Mama, don't be weird.
60
00:02:07,094 --> 00:02:08,627
Penny's in the grade above me.
61
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,061
She's right over there.
62
00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:14,566
Oh. Sure.
63
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,737
First, she skips
her hand-washing routine.
64
00:02:18,805 --> 00:02:20,138
Now she's telling me I'm weird.
65
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:21,539
This is typical kid stuff.
66
00:02:21,608 --> 00:02:23,742
Except for the hygiene part,
this is wildly encouraging.
67
00:02:23,810 --> 00:02:24,843
Right?!
68
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:26,911
Katie.
69
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,080
Sampling.
70
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:35,720
She didn't even wash her hands
after she used the bathroom.
71
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:36,888
We couldn't be happier.
72
00:02:36,957 --> 00:02:38,490
Low bar in the Otto household.
73
00:02:38,558 --> 00:02:40,302
And she made a playdate
with a second-grader.
74
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:41,660
A human second-grader?
75
00:02:41,728 --> 00:02:43,195
- Mm-hmm.
- Who's the other mom?
76
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:45,130
Chloe Brown Mueller.
77
00:02:47,534 --> 00:02:51,470
You're going on a playdate
at Chloe Brown Mueller's house?
78
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:53,171
- Yeah.
- Wait a minute. Hold up.
79
00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:54,775
Chloe Brown Mueller?
80
00:02:54,842 --> 00:02:57,008
Why do you guys insist
on saying her full name?
81
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,076
Because...
82
00:02:58,145 --> 00:02:59,578
Both: She's Chloe Brown Mueller.
83
00:02:59,646 --> 00:03:00,812
When you meet her, you'll understand.
84
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,080
She's a local celebrity.
85
00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:03,982
She has thousands
of Instagram followers,
86
00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:06,385
and all of her posts are about
what a perfect mommy she is.
87
00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:09,221
How do you not know and despise
Chloe Brown Mueller already?
88
00:03:09,289 --> 00:03:10,756
I'm not big into social media,
89
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:12,557
and I actively avoid people
with three names.
90
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,426
Plus, I've never seen her at drop-off.
91
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:16,561
That's because her housekeeper
brings Penny to school.
92
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:17,796
That is terrible mothering.
93
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:19,431
My housekeeper brings my kids to school.
94
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,665
Yeah, but I'm friends with you.
95
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:22,701
In a town full of gossips,
she's the worst.
96
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,536
She texted everyone about my divorce
97
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:25,771
before I even knew about it...
98
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:28,273
and implied that it was my fault.
99
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:30,742
It was your fault.
You cheated multiple times.
100
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:31,977
That's on her.
101
00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,478
All of her friends
are just so attractive.
102
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,113
So she's a little gossipy.
103
00:03:35,182 --> 00:03:36,248
I can handle that.
104
00:03:36,316 --> 00:03:37,883
She's also super judgmental.
105
00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:40,252
She mommy-shamed me once
by Instagraming my dirty car.
106
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,653
Ugh!
107
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,321
I've been waiting
for the perfect opportunity
108
00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,390
to mommy-shame her back,
but the best that I found
109
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:47,559
was that she doesn't recycle
her yogurt containers.
110
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:49,261
The way to deal with Chloe Brown Mueller
111
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,229
is to shut up, get in, get out.
112
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:53,832
Mm-hmm. Hang on, back up.
113
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,267
You went through her garbage?
114
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:58,103
Mm-hmm, I made a huge mess so
she would think it was raccoons.
115
00:03:58,172 --> 00:03:59,438
I even tore some stuff with my teeth.
116
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:01,506
[Laughs]
117
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:06,445
Uh-huh. Uh-huh, totally.
118
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Hang on one sec.
119
00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:11,616
And I'm back.
120
00:04:11,685 --> 00:04:14,386
I totally agree, but the thing is...
121
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,087
Hang on one sec.
122
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:18,957
I'm sorry. There's like zero
privacy in this house.
123
00:04:19,026 --> 00:04:20,292
Hang on one sec.
124
00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:21,560
Who the hell are you talking to?
125
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,261
Who I talk to is none of your business.
126
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,263
You really do have
a girlfriend, don't you?
127
00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,766
Taylor, I swear on my robust IRA
128
00:04:27,835 --> 00:04:29,234
that I do not have a girlfriend.
129
00:04:29,303 --> 00:04:30,902
Fine, don't tell me the truth.
130
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:32,204
I'll find out by myself.
131
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,572
You're not going to find anything.
132
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,474
You couldn't even find
your way home yesterday.
133
00:04:35,542 --> 00:04:37,676
I left school from the soccer field.
134
00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:38,777
I was all confused.
135
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,414
Important family announcement.
136
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,182
Stay the hell away from the minivan.
137
00:04:44,251 --> 00:04:45,584
I just got it washed.
138
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:47,486
I thought you said the only way
you'd wash that car
139
00:04:47,554 --> 00:04:49,120
is if you drove us all into a lake.
140
00:04:49,189 --> 00:04:50,489
That is true.
141
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:52,858
But Anna-Kat has a playdate at the house
142
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,493
of Westport's most judgy mom.
143
00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:58,263
I'm not risking her social life
by having a dusty whip.
144
00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,364
Nice slang, Mom.
145
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:00,298
Yeah, girl.
146
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:01,500
And you ruined it.
147
00:05:03,303 --> 00:05:05,804
These pies... They look like pies.
148
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:07,873
- I did it!
- Great job, Greg.
149
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,207
And you didn't even hurt yourself.
150
00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:11,610
Actually, I sustained some burns
that aren't visible,
151
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:13,044
but it'll all be worth it.
152
00:05:13,113 --> 00:05:14,613
Can I get you to taste one
and tell me what you think?
153
00:05:14,681 --> 00:05:16,581
I'd be happy to.
154
00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:19,484
[Exhales sharply]
155
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,486
Ugh!
156
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:25,357
That... is the worst thing
I have ever smelled.
157
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,292
[Gasps] I'm turtling up.
158
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,560
- Ohh.
- It's perfect.
159
00:05:28,629 --> 00:05:30,495
- I was going for historical accuracy.
- Ugh!
160
00:05:30,564 --> 00:05:32,165
Colonial onion pie
is supposed to be awful.
161
00:05:32,228 --> 00:05:33,332
Ugh!
162
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,611
- Come on, Anna-Kat.
- Oh, God.
163
00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:36,009
It's time for you playdate.
164
00:05:36,034 --> 00:05:37,096
- Ohh! Greg,
- Oh!
165
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:38,905
you've given our house permanent B.O.
166
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:41,172
Put it outside and Febreze
the hell out of this place
167
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:42,374
while I'm gone.
168
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:44,142
- Ugh.
- I...
169
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,982
Remember to say "please,"
"excuse me," and "thank you."
170
00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:52,684
And don't use any of the words
Mama screams
171
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,319
while she's driving.
172
00:05:55,289 --> 00:05:57,422
Mama, come here.
173
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,159
I got this.
174
00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:06,231
[Sighs]
175
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,568
[Doorbell rings]
176
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:12,871
Oh, Anna-Kat.
177
00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:14,005
Roberta.
178
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:15,640
I'm so glad you and Penny
179
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:17,576
finally get to play ponies together.
180
00:06:17,644 --> 00:06:19,644
- [Giggles]
- Come on, I'll show you to her room.
181
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,980
Katie. Chloe Brown Mueller.
182
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,349
So nice to meet you.
183
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:25,984
- [Camera shutter clicks]
- Did you...
184
00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,586
Did we just take a picture together?
185
00:06:27,654 --> 00:06:29,955
Your daughter is adorable.
186
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,524
So much better than the last
girl Penny brought over.
187
00:06:32,593 --> 00:06:34,793
I gave that playdate
one and a half stars.
188
00:06:34,861 --> 00:06:36,695
- [Chuckles]
- Snooze.
189
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:38,630
Katie: I'm just going to smile and nod
190
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,265
because I can't tell if she's kidding.
191
00:06:40,334 --> 00:06:42,968
Hey, would you like to come in
for a glass of Sancerre?
192
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,503
Chloe, I'd love to learn what that is.
193
00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,205
But I got some errands to run.
194
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,174
I'll be back in two to pick up Anna-Kat.
195
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,842
Hey, how is your friend Angela doing?
196
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,110
I hear she's dating again.
197
00:06:52,179 --> 00:06:53,545
- [Laughs]
- Is that true?
198
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,213
[Laughing]
199
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:59,117
All right, I'm just gonna say it true.
200
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,559
Oh, hey. How'd the playdate go?
201
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:08,994
It went awesome.
202
00:07:09,062 --> 00:07:10,629
Aw, that's great, sweetie.
203
00:07:10,697 --> 00:07:11,763
[Giggles]
204
00:07:11,832 --> 00:07:12,931
Yay!
205
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,566
[Both chuckle]
206
00:07:15,469 --> 00:07:17,302
Okay, how'd it really go?
Awkward? A disaster?
207
00:07:17,371 --> 00:07:18,336
An awkward disaster?
208
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,771
The playdate went so well
209
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,507
with Chloe Brown Mueller
that she even posted about it.
210
00:07:22,576 --> 00:07:25,243
She gave it four stars.
211
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,978
"Life is an adventure."
212
00:07:27,047 --> 00:07:28,279
What does that mean in this context?
213
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:29,848
Something dumb, Greg. But I don't care.
214
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,883
My baby has a cool older friend.
215
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:33,585
[Chuckles]
216
00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:39,457
Weird question, but does
our daughter always walk around
217
00:07:39,526 --> 00:07:41,192
with a candlestick in her jacket?
218
00:07:41,261 --> 00:07:43,161
What the hell is that?
219
00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:46,898
Oh, no. [Gasps]
220
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,801
Oh, God. Look on the mantel.
221
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:50,969
It's from her playdate.
222
00:07:51,038 --> 00:07:52,137
She stole it?
223
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:54,005
- This is bad.
- This is very bad.
224
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,774
Our daughter's a thief.
How did this happen?
225
00:07:55,842 --> 00:07:57,208
How did this happen?
226
00:07:57,277 --> 00:07:59,744
This is not my fault.
227
00:07:59,813 --> 00:08:01,279
I steal pretzels.
228
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:02,614
It's more of a Robin Hood thing.
229
00:08:02,683 --> 00:08:03,882
I take from the rich
and give to the poor.
230
00:08:03,950 --> 00:08:04,916
We're the poor.
231
00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,551
Yes, you're a complex antihero.
232
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:08,653
Ugh, of all people,
why did she have to steal
233
00:08:08,722 --> 00:08:10,573
from Chloe Brown Mueller?
234
00:08:10,667 --> 00:08:11,856
Why do you say all three names?
235
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:14,426
I used to be you. Yeah.
236
00:08:19,818 --> 00:08:22,318
Do you think Anna-Kat stealing
is related to her OCD?
237
00:08:22,387 --> 00:08:25,154
No, I think it's just regular
bad-kid behavior.
238
00:08:25,223 --> 00:08:27,690
We could look at it
as another step forward.
239
00:08:27,759 --> 00:08:29,125
So we should be proud?
240
00:08:29,194 --> 00:08:31,227
Well, not openly.
241
00:08:31,296 --> 00:08:33,396
But when we look in each other's eyes,
242
00:08:33,465 --> 00:08:35,265
let's know it's there.
243
00:08:39,304 --> 00:08:40,837
Sweetie, Mama and Daddy
244
00:08:40,906 --> 00:08:42,672
have something important to ask you,
245
00:08:42,741 --> 00:08:44,107
and you have to be honest.
246
00:08:44,175 --> 00:08:45,708
Okay.
247
00:08:45,777 --> 00:08:47,210
Whose candlestick is this?
248
00:08:47,279 --> 00:08:48,745
It's mine.
249
00:08:48,813 --> 00:08:49,946
Are you sure?
250
00:08:50,015 --> 00:08:51,948
- Yep.
- Are you really sure?
251
00:08:52,017 --> 00:08:53,116
Yep.
252
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:54,918
Well, okay, then.
253
00:08:56,187 --> 00:08:58,454
That usually works.
I don't know how to proceed.
254
00:08:58,523 --> 00:08:59,989
Anna-Kat, we know that you're lying.
255
00:09:00,058 --> 00:09:02,191
You stole this
from Penny's house, didn't you?
256
00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:04,360
- Yep.
- Why did you do that?
257
00:09:04,429 --> 00:09:05,762
'Cause I wanted it.
258
00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:07,030
And are you sorry?
259
00:09:07,098 --> 00:09:08,364
Sure.
260
00:09:16,474 --> 00:09:18,408
Did you hear her voice?
261
00:09:18,476 --> 00:09:19,842
It was so calm and icy.
262
00:09:19,911 --> 00:09:22,211
And those eyes... I don't think
she blinked the entire time.
263
00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,113
- We have to do something.
- I agree.
264
00:09:24,182 --> 00:09:25,415
I believe the simplest solution
265
00:09:25,483 --> 00:09:27,850
is obviously an
"Ocean's Eleven"-style con.
266
00:09:27,919 --> 00:09:29,519
We sneak the candlestick back
into the house...
267
00:09:29,587 --> 00:09:30,987
no harm, no foul.
268
00:09:31,056 --> 00:09:33,022
Katie, you always plan these
"Ocean's Eleven"-style cons,
269
00:09:33,091 --> 00:09:34,724
and they always end up
more like "Ocean's Twelve."
270
00:09:34,793 --> 00:09:36,993
- Well, then what do you suggest?
- I say we take the high road.
271
00:09:37,062 --> 00:09:38,261
We go to Chloe's house
and tell the truth.
272
00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:40,430
If Chloe Brown Mueller
finds out Anna-Kat's a thief,
273
00:09:40,498 --> 00:09:41,764
she will tell all the other moms,
274
00:09:41,833 --> 00:09:43,933
and then Anna-Kat will never
have another playdate again.
275
00:09:44,002 --> 00:09:45,835
Teaching Anna-Kat morals
is way more important.
276
00:09:45,904 --> 00:09:47,303
She needs to apologize in person.
277
00:09:47,372 --> 00:09:48,738
She'll be embarrassed
and never do it again.
278
00:09:48,807 --> 00:09:50,873
And Anna-Kat will not only
be the weird kid,
279
00:09:50,942 --> 00:09:52,875
she'll be the weird kid that steals.
280
00:09:52,944 --> 00:09:54,510
She doesn't even come
from a good family, Greg.
281
00:09:54,579 --> 00:09:56,913
She's got nothing going for her.
282
00:09:56,982 --> 00:10:00,116
You see this?
This is me putting my foot down.
283
00:10:00,185 --> 00:10:01,617
- [Thud, crack]
- Ha!
284
00:10:01,686 --> 00:10:03,619
Was that my knee?
285
00:10:04,789 --> 00:10:06,389
Fine.
286
00:10:06,458 --> 00:10:07,991
You're right.
287
00:10:09,027 --> 00:10:10,393
Wait, did I just win a fight?
288
00:10:10,462 --> 00:10:11,894
Greg, don't be so surprised.
289
00:10:11,963 --> 00:10:14,197
You've won almost three fights
in our marriage now.
290
00:10:15,967 --> 00:10:17,900
Yep, 3:00 works.
291
00:10:17,969 --> 00:10:19,535
I'll meet you there.
292
00:10:23,508 --> 00:10:25,641
293
00:10:48,566 --> 00:10:50,566
Mystery solved.
294
00:10:56,207 --> 00:10:57,440
Oliver!
295
00:10:57,509 --> 00:10:59,075
?C?mo est?s?
296
00:10:59,144 --> 00:11:00,343
Muy bien. ?Y t??
297
00:11:00,412 --> 00:11:02,345
What the hell is this?
298
00:11:02,414 --> 00:11:04,347
[Conversing in Spanish]
299
00:11:11,222 --> 00:11:12,855
Do we have to tell the truth?
300
00:11:12,924 --> 00:11:15,091
- Yeah, do we?
- Guys, we're telling the truth.
301
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:16,025
Ugh.
302
00:11:16,094 --> 00:11:17,427
It's the right thing to do.
303
00:11:17,495 --> 00:11:19,929
[Doorbell rings]
304
00:11:19,998 --> 00:11:21,397
[Gasps] Katie!
305
00:11:21,466 --> 00:11:23,232
What a pleasant surprise.
306
00:11:23,301 --> 00:11:24,467
Hi, Anna-Kat.
307
00:11:24,536 --> 00:11:26,469
Oh. Chloe Brown Mueller.
308
00:11:26,538 --> 00:11:29,572
Hi, Chloe... Brown Mueller.
309
00:11:30,708 --> 00:11:32,442
- I had to say all three.
- Right.
310
00:11:32,510 --> 00:11:34,243
Sorry to pop by like this,
but my husband and I
311
00:11:34,312 --> 00:11:36,679
came here to talk to you about
something a little awkward.
312
00:11:36,748 --> 00:11:37,980
Can we come in?
313
00:11:38,049 --> 00:11:40,450
Of course. Come on in.
Make yourself at home.
314
00:11:40,518 --> 00:11:43,086
I'm live on Facebook,
and I need to wrap up.
315
00:11:43,154 --> 00:11:44,720
Hey, guys, I'm back.
316
00:11:44,789 --> 00:11:47,957
Now, in my opinion, what's
the biggest joy of motherhood?
317
00:11:48,026 --> 00:11:49,025
Everything.
318
00:11:49,094 --> 00:11:50,626
[Chuckles]
319
00:11:50,695 --> 00:11:52,895
Hey, look at that.
320
00:11:52,964 --> 00:11:56,499
Someone else in Westport
baked a colonial onion pie.
321
00:11:56,568 --> 00:12:00,503
Hello. Hey. It's the pie guy.
322
00:12:00,572 --> 00:12:02,672
- Greg.
- Greg, that's right.
323
00:12:02,740 --> 00:12:03,906
Folks down at the Historical Guild
324
00:12:03,975 --> 00:12:06,142
call you "Pie Guy," so now
that's stuck in my head.
325
00:12:06,211 --> 00:12:09,045
- Pie Guy. That's a cool nickname.
- Yeah.
326
00:12:09,114 --> 00:12:11,681
Oh, Katie, Anna-Kat,
this is Stan Lawton.
327
00:12:11,749 --> 00:12:13,749
He's the recording secretary of
the Westport Historical Guild.
328
00:12:13,818 --> 00:12:16,819
Pleasure. And you must be
Penny's new friend.
329
00:12:16,888 --> 00:12:18,087
That's actually why we're here.
330
00:12:18,156 --> 00:12:20,456
You see, Anna-Kat and Penny
had a playdate.
331
00:12:20,525 --> 00:12:21,524
And on the playdate...
332
00:12:21,593 --> 00:12:23,025
She just had the best time ever.
333
00:12:23,094 --> 00:12:25,595
- [Cellphone rings]
- Oh, excuse me one second.
334
00:12:25,663 --> 00:12:27,597
I'm so sorry. I have to take this.
335
00:12:27,665 --> 00:12:29,565
A business owner wants to modify a sign
336
00:12:29,634 --> 00:12:31,868
- down in the historic district.
- Ha.
337
00:12:31,936 --> 00:12:34,151
You listen to me, you son of a bitch.
338
00:12:34,346 --> 00:12:35,549
What are you doing?
339
00:12:35,643 --> 00:12:36,760
- Mission abort.
- Why?
340
00:12:36,862 --> 00:12:38,573
Stan is in charge of membership
of the Historical Guild.
341
00:12:38,683 --> 00:12:40,049
If we tell the truth,
I'm never getting in.
342
00:12:40,111 --> 00:12:41,544
What about apologizing?
343
00:12:41,612 --> 00:12:42,712
You'll learn your lesson later.
344
00:12:42,780 --> 00:12:43,946
Now, go find Penny and play.
345
00:12:44,015 --> 00:12:45,548
You had this awesome idea earlier...
346
00:12:45,616 --> 00:12:46,782
something about "Ocean's Eleven."
347
00:12:46,851 --> 00:12:48,984
I can't do that.
I don't have any of the stuff.
348
00:12:49,053 --> 00:12:51,687
No crickets, no dry ice,
no firecrackers.
349
00:12:53,925 --> 00:12:55,391
I'm gonna put it back now.
350
00:12:56,194 --> 00:12:58,594
Footsteps, footsteps!
Sorry to have you wait,
351
00:12:58,663 --> 00:13:02,264
but if I don't get 100 likes
a day, I can't sleep.
352
00:13:02,333 --> 00:13:03,799
So, you wanted to talk to me about
353
00:13:03,868 --> 00:13:04,934
something a little awkward?
354
00:13:05,002 --> 00:13:06,602
It's awfully embarrassing.
355
00:13:06,671 --> 00:13:08,404
I completely forgot
to write a thank-you note
356
00:13:08,473 --> 00:13:10,473
for Anna-Kat's playdate this morning.
357
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:12,274
We are so sorry.
358
00:13:12,343 --> 00:13:15,277
I did notice, but I didn't want
to say anything.
359
00:13:15,346 --> 00:13:17,079
Apology accepted.
360
00:13:17,148 --> 00:13:18,447
Chloe Brown Mueller,
361
00:13:18,516 --> 00:13:20,182
you are a forgiving woman.
362
00:13:20,251 --> 00:13:21,450
Oh. [Chuckles]
363
00:13:21,519 --> 00:13:23,252
Shall we sit?
364
00:13:23,321 --> 00:13:24,420
Even he says all three names.
365
00:13:24,489 --> 00:13:26,122
I know.
366
00:13:26,190 --> 00:13:27,490
[Sighs]
367
00:13:27,558 --> 00:13:30,126
We got to get them out of the room.
368
00:13:30,194 --> 00:13:31,827
I don't mean to impose,
369
00:13:31,896 --> 00:13:33,729
but do you have anything to drink?
370
00:13:33,798 --> 00:13:35,831
Of course. Where are my manners?
371
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:37,900
And, Stan, I remember you saying
that you had actual cannonballs
372
00:13:37,969 --> 00:13:39,435
used against the British at Compo Beach.
373
00:13:39,504 --> 00:13:41,303
- I'd love to see those.
- Refreshments and cannonballs
374
00:13:41,372 --> 00:13:43,105
coming right up.
375
00:13:43,174 --> 00:13:44,940
Roberta, we're thirsty!
376
00:13:45,009 --> 00:13:46,008
Here's the cannonball.
377
00:13:46,077 --> 00:13:47,109
Okay.
378
00:13:47,178 --> 00:13:48,811
Cool.
379
00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:50,312
They're more round than I thought.
380
00:13:50,381 --> 00:13:52,214
Yes, yes, very round.
381
00:13:52,283 --> 00:13:55,317
I said the exact same thing
first time I saw them.
382
00:13:55,386 --> 00:13:57,553
- Remember that, honey?
- It was our wedding night.
383
00:13:57,622 --> 00:13:59,455
We were making love. [Chuckles]
384
00:13:59,524 --> 00:14:02,291
What do we do now?
385
00:14:02,360 --> 00:14:04,593
You know what goes great with iced tea?
386
00:14:04,662 --> 00:14:06,495
Greg's colonial onion pie.
387
00:14:06,564 --> 00:14:08,297
We should all have a slice.
388
00:14:08,366 --> 00:14:10,232
You know what? Why not?
389
00:14:10,301 --> 00:14:12,101
- Okay.
- Let's keep Westport's history
390
00:14:12,170 --> 00:14:14,403
as a leading onion producer alive, huh?
391
00:14:14,472 --> 00:14:15,671
Oh, you got the reference.
392
00:14:15,740 --> 00:14:17,573
Okay, here we are.
393
00:14:17,642 --> 00:14:19,141
Ta-da!
394
00:14:19,210 --> 00:14:21,510
Ohh, that smell is...
395
00:14:21,579 --> 00:14:23,779
Historically accurate.
396
00:14:23,848 --> 00:14:26,148
- Thank you.
- Say, I have a fun idea.
397
00:14:26,217 --> 00:14:29,452
What if instead of eating
this gross pie, we went outside?
398
00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:32,054
That's a fantastic idea.
399
00:14:32,123 --> 00:14:33,522
[Clears throat]
400
00:14:33,591 --> 00:14:34,757
Ohh!
401
00:14:34,826 --> 00:14:36,225
- Oh, that stinks.
- Whoo!
402
00:14:36,294 --> 00:14:37,326
[Door closes]
403
00:14:37,395 --> 00:14:38,991
404
00:14:38,997 --> 00:14:41,564
Dry ice would have made this
so much sexier.
405
00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:43,866
[Gagging]
406
00:14:49,907 --> 00:14:51,340
Even though the pie literally made Stan
407
00:14:51,409 --> 00:14:53,242
throw up in the birdbath,
I think he really appreciated
408
00:14:53,311 --> 00:14:56,178
- what I was going for.
- You see? The low road works.
409
00:14:56,247 --> 00:14:58,614
You're just one step closer
to joining the Historical Guild,
410
00:14:58,683 --> 00:15:00,416
and Anna-Kat's reputation is safe.
411
00:15:00,485 --> 00:15:02,184
We still have to deal with you,
young lady.
412
00:15:02,253 --> 00:15:05,588
But for now, cheers. To the low road.
413
00:15:05,657 --> 00:15:06,956
It worked, and no one got hurt.
414
00:15:07,025 --> 00:15:08,624
Actually, somebody did get hurt.
415
00:15:08,693 --> 00:15:10,998
Chloe Brown Mueller fired
her housekeeper for stealing.
416
00:15:11,062 --> 00:15:12,828
- Greg and Katie: What?
- Chloe knew the candlestick
417
00:15:12,897 --> 00:15:14,764
was missing and suspected Roberta.
418
00:15:14,832 --> 00:15:17,733
She told her if she returned it,
there'd be no consequences.
419
00:15:17,802 --> 00:15:19,001
But Chloe lied.
420
00:15:19,070 --> 00:15:20,770
And when you two
put the candlestick back,
421
00:15:20,838 --> 00:15:23,906
Chloe took it as proof
that Roberta stole
422
00:15:23,975 --> 00:15:25,207
and fired her.
423
00:15:26,144 --> 00:15:28,010
Pass the salt.
424
00:15:28,513 --> 00:15:30,279
How do you know all this?
425
00:15:30,348 --> 00:15:32,181
It's my business to know things.
426
00:15:32,250 --> 00:15:35,251
Plus, the real headline here is
you got an innocent woman fired.
427
00:15:35,319 --> 00:15:37,086
Let's focus on that.
428
00:15:37,155 --> 00:15:39,588
I retract my cheers.
The low road stinks.
429
00:15:39,657 --> 00:15:41,686
Just like a colonial onion pie.
430
00:15:41,756 --> 00:15:43,592
Hello! Salt, please.
431
00:15:43,670 --> 00:15:46,095
This meatloaf is bland.
432
00:15:51,944 --> 00:15:55,361
We can't let an innocent woman
lose her job because of our lie.
433
00:15:55,564 --> 00:15:56,767
Can we?
434
00:15:56,845 --> 00:15:58,483
We have to come clean
and tell the truth.
435
00:15:58,556 --> 00:16:00,183
Even though it means Chloe
will tell everyone
436
00:16:00,252 --> 00:16:01,485
Anna-Kat's a criminal
437
00:16:01,553 --> 00:16:03,353
and Stan won't let you
into the Historical Guild?
438
00:16:03,422 --> 00:16:05,255
Yeah, sometimes taking
the high road isn't enjoyable.
439
00:16:05,324 --> 00:16:06,590
It's never enjoyable.
440
00:16:06,658 --> 00:16:08,291
That's why I don't take it.
441
00:16:09,228 --> 00:16:10,761
- There is another way.
- [Dramatic music plays]
442
00:16:10,829 --> 00:16:12,295
I have certain information that can help
443
00:16:12,364 --> 00:16:13,830
everyone walk away a winner.
444
00:16:13,899 --> 00:16:15,165
Who are you?
445
00:16:15,234 --> 00:16:17,467
And where are you getting
your information?
446
00:16:17,536 --> 00:16:19,970
- I know where.
- [Dramatic music plays]
447
00:16:20,038 --> 00:16:21,972
Why is everyone dramatically entering.
448
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:23,540
Mom, Dad,
449
00:16:23,609 --> 00:16:26,209
Oliver's dating an old Mexican lady.
450
00:16:27,413 --> 00:16:29,913
I told you I'd find out the truth.
451
00:16:29,982 --> 00:16:32,349
- Yeah, that's not it.
- Taylor.
452
00:16:32,418 --> 00:16:34,451
Will somebody please put
the pieces together for me
453
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:35,886
like you guys do at movie night?
454
00:16:35,954 --> 00:16:37,788
I'll tell you everything if you promise
455
00:16:37,856 --> 00:16:39,656
not to punish me for anything I say.
456
00:16:39,725 --> 00:16:40,991
Here's my counter.
457
00:16:41,059 --> 00:16:42,726
If you want to continue to live
under this roof
458
00:16:42,795 --> 00:16:46,096
or actually on the planet,
you will talk now.
459
00:16:46,165 --> 00:16:48,532
Okay. Here's my counter to your counter.
460
00:16:49,868 --> 00:16:51,268
I'll tell you everything.
461
00:16:51,336 --> 00:16:53,336
It all started a few months ago
when you bought me
462
00:16:53,405 --> 00:16:55,038
a defective shirt from the outlet mall.
463
00:16:55,107 --> 00:16:56,706
There was nothing wrong with that shirt.
464
00:16:56,775 --> 00:16:58,108
I'm telling a story here.
465
00:16:58,177 --> 00:16:59,376
I was going to throw it away
466
00:16:59,445 --> 00:17:01,645
until I met Viv's housekeeper, Luz.
467
00:17:01,713 --> 00:17:03,113
Throwing away a good shirt?
468
00:17:03,182 --> 00:17:04,648
See, the bat is askew.
469
00:17:04,716 --> 00:17:07,350
I can re-stitch this in two
minutes, make it good as new.
470
00:17:07,419 --> 00:17:10,854
And ever since then, Luz and I
have been business partners.
471
00:17:10,923 --> 00:17:13,957
We buy defective shirts
at the outlet mall,
472
00:17:14,026 --> 00:17:18,695
fix them, and sell them
to kids in Norwalk for a profit.
473
00:17:22,668 --> 00:17:24,468
Easy money.
474
00:17:24,536 --> 00:17:26,736
Luz.
475
00:17:30,442 --> 00:17:32,542
All the housekeepers in town
are friends.
476
00:17:32,611 --> 00:17:34,244
They hear everything
that goes in the houses
477
00:17:34,313 --> 00:17:36,226
they work in, including Chloe's.
478
00:17:36,348 --> 00:17:38,002
That's how I knew Roberta got fired.
479
00:17:38,083 --> 00:17:40,217
Luz gives me all the dirt.
480
00:17:41,153 --> 00:17:42,819
That's his evil smile, Greg.
481
00:17:43,922 --> 00:17:45,756
This is gonna be good.
482
00:17:45,824 --> 00:17:49,359
483
00:17:49,428 --> 00:17:52,295
Your housekeeper didn't steal
the candlestick.
484
00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:53,864
Anna-Kat did.
485
00:17:53,932 --> 00:17:57,134
And we are so sorry that we let
the lie go on for this long.
486
00:17:57,202 --> 00:17:59,403
[Sighs] Thank you.
487
00:17:59,471 --> 00:18:01,004
And mother to mother, I promise you
488
00:18:01,073 --> 00:18:03,940
that Anna-Kat stealing
will stay our little secret.
489
00:18:04,009 --> 00:18:05,575
I appreciate that.
490
00:18:05,644 --> 00:18:08,945
But we both know the second
that we leave here,
491
00:18:09,014 --> 00:18:10,447
you're going to pick up that phone
492
00:18:10,516 --> 00:18:11,715
and start texting all of Westport
493
00:18:11,784 --> 00:18:13,116
that my daughter's a thief.
494
00:18:13,185 --> 00:18:15,051
[Scoffs] Katie, it's called
freedom of the press.
495
00:18:15,120 --> 00:18:16,219
Let's make a deal.
496
00:18:16,288 --> 00:18:17,888
You keep your mouth shut about Anna-Kat
497
00:18:17,956 --> 00:18:20,724
and rehire your housekeeper,
and I won't tell anyone
498
00:18:20,793 --> 00:18:22,025
about your dirty secrets.
499
00:18:22,094 --> 00:18:24,027
What secrets? My life is an open book.
500
00:18:24,096 --> 00:18:26,229
Does the name Natalie Ryan ring a bell?
501
00:18:26,298 --> 00:18:27,697
- [Gasps]
- Oh, yeah.
502
00:18:27,766 --> 00:18:30,434
I know that you were not the one
who decorated this perfect home.
503
00:18:30,502 --> 00:18:33,370
You hired an interior designer.
504
00:18:33,439 --> 00:18:34,571
You bitch.
505
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,339
Your mommy blog is ghost-written
506
00:18:36,408 --> 00:18:38,848
- by a general studies major at UConn.
- Stop it.
507
00:18:38,903 --> 00:18:41,144
And your legal name
isn't Chloe Brown Mueller.
508
00:18:41,213 --> 00:18:42,479
It's Wanda Wiggly.
509
00:18:42,548 --> 00:18:44,214
- Wiggl?.
- For God sakes,
510
00:18:44,283 --> 00:18:45,615
look what you're doing to her.
511
00:18:45,684 --> 00:18:48,151
All right, fine. Fine, you win, okay?
512
00:18:48,220 --> 00:18:50,253
I promise I won't gossip about Anna-Kat
513
00:18:50,322 --> 00:18:52,222
if you'll keep those lies to yourself.
514
00:18:53,892 --> 00:18:56,159
Oh. Yeah.
515
00:18:56,228 --> 00:18:59,686
And Greg wants to join
the stupid Historical Guild.
516
00:18:59,874 --> 00:19:01,598
- [Chuckles]
- Katie: Is that all right with you,
517
00:19:01,667 --> 00:19:05,635
Stan Lawton from Norwalk, Connecticut?
518
00:19:08,740 --> 00:19:11,775
At least now I can stop suppressing
my thick Norwalk accent.
519
00:19:11,844 --> 00:19:14,216
[Clears throat] There, that's better.
520
00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:16,169
- Ugh.
- Greg, you are officially invited
521
00:19:16,248 --> 00:19:17,747
to join the Historical Guild.
522
00:19:17,816 --> 00:19:19,850
Yahoo-hoo-hoo!
523
00:19:19,918 --> 00:19:21,952
It was the pie that put me over the top.
524
00:19:24,389 --> 00:19:26,894
Oh, and Anna-Kat and Penny
still get to play together,
525
00:19:26,964 --> 00:19:29,526
or else I am going to tell everyone...
526
00:19:31,864 --> 00:19:32,929
I'm out of secrets.
527
00:19:32,998 --> 00:19:34,297
[Both sigh]
528
00:19:34,366 --> 00:19:36,867
Just think it'd be nice
to get the kids together.
529
00:19:37,730 --> 00:19:41,183
If you stick to it,
the low road works. Just does.
530
00:19:41,263 --> 00:19:43,027
Don't touch me. It's all right, darling.
531
00:19:43,822 --> 00:19:45,397
[Screams]
532
00:19:46,523 --> 00:19:48,657
[Clears throat]
533
00:19:48,726 --> 00:19:50,692
Someone stole my ponies.
534
00:19:50,761 --> 00:19:53,495
Actually, sweetie, Mommy
and Daddy stole your ponies.
535
00:19:53,564 --> 00:19:54,996
Why would you do that?!
536
00:19:55,065 --> 00:19:56,765
We wanted to show you how it
feels when someone
537
00:19:56,834 --> 00:19:59,000
takes something away from you
that's important.
538
00:19:59,069 --> 00:20:01,536
- How do you feel?
- It feels awful.
539
00:20:01,605 --> 00:20:02,738
It sure does.
540
00:20:02,806 --> 00:20:05,340
I'm never stealing again.
541
00:20:07,386 --> 00:20:09,276
Now I want to return everything.
542
00:20:10,088 --> 00:20:11,213
Everything?
543
00:20:11,281 --> 00:20:13,615
544
00:20:13,639 --> 00:20:18,639
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
545
00:20:18,689 --> 00:20:23,239
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