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1
00:00:05,359 --> 00:00:06,672
Oh. Hey.
2
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:10,468
Oh. Hey. Funny seeing you here.
3
00:00:10,469 --> 00:00:13,145
- Happy Jeff's birthday.
- Happy Jeff's birthday to you.
4
00:00:13,163 --> 00:00:15,044
What's it been, like, six
weeks since we talked?
5
00:00:15,055 --> 00:00:17,058
- I guess.
- I mean, don't take it the wrong way,
6
00:00:17,059 --> 00:00:18,778
but probably the best
six weeks of my life.
7
00:00:18,789 --> 00:00:21,187
Oh. Same. I fell in love.
8
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,688
- Oh, yeah, me, too.
- Oh!
9
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:25,441
Love opened its doors,
and I walked right through.
10
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,109
I also saved a baby turtle's life.
11
00:00:27,110 --> 00:00:28,880
You're just trying
to make out with a turtle?
12
00:00:28,891 --> 00:00:31,030
I could if I wanted to.
I know animal CPR.
13
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:33,824
Oh. Well, that explains why
you're dressed as an actor
14
00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,284
in a catheter commercial.
15
00:00:35,285 --> 00:00:37,245
You look like a roadie for a kids band.
16
00:00:37,246 --> 00:00:39,163
- I look great.
- Well, great to see you.
17
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:41,207
- Great to see you.
- Great to see you.
18
00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:43,292
- Best six weeks of my life.
- No regrets.
19
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:44,919
Absolutely not.
20
00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,088
I think we know
I was right the whole time.
21
00:00:47,089 --> 00:00:48,506
Not now! Not now!
22
00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:50,091
- Great to see you.
- Great to see you.
23
00:00:50,092 --> 00:00:52,719
- Synced and corrected by Shazi89 -
- www.addic7ed.com -
24
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:57,890
Aw! You two are back together.
25
00:00:57,891 --> 00:00:59,061
Oh, we're not together.
26
00:00:59,072 --> 00:01:01,102
I actually didn't even know
he was sitting there.
27
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,271
I'm just trying to sit
by the food table, you know?
28
00:01:03,272 --> 00:01:04,773
Let's catch up later, OK?
29
00:01:07,682 --> 00:01:09,183
Whoa.
30
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,529
You got a black eye? You OK, buddy?
31
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,739
Not like you would care.
It is your fault.
32
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:16,284
You know, I'm willing to assume
that almost everything around me
33
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:19,287
that's happening is my fault,
but I haven't seen you recently.
34
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:21,123
It's your fault. You're responsible.
35
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:24,593
_
36
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:27,753
[DANIELLA] Let's just... yeah, let's
put it right over in the corner
37
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,339
over here, OK? Oops! Watch...
watch your step. Here we go.
38
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:32,466
Gotta make the room real nice for him.
39
00:01:32,467 --> 00:01:34,343
What's going on? This is my bedroom.
40
00:01:34,354 --> 00:01:37,458
No, this is Mr. Dodo's green room.
He's the star of "Monkey Sheldon".
41
00:01:37,469 --> 00:01:39,630
- "Sheldon," like the...?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a spinoff.
42
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:42,393
Yeah, Sheldon uploaded his consciousness
43
00:01:42,404 --> 00:01:44,196
into a now-super-smart monkey.
44
00:01:44,207 --> 00:01:45,707
We're shooting the pilot here today.
45
00:01:45,718 --> 00:01:48,439
- Oh, yeah, yeah, come on in.
- My brother never told me that.
46
00:01:48,450 --> 00:01:50,741
Uh, well, he signed a contract.
47
00:01:50,752 --> 00:01:53,163
You really gotta go. You shoulda been
outta here yesterday.
48
00:01:53,174 --> 00:01:54,694
I have nowhere to go!
49
00:01:54,705 --> 00:01:56,740
You want me to go to my parents' beach
house? Do you know how far it is?
50
00:01:56,751 --> 00:01:57,959
It's all the way in Malibu!
51
00:01:57,970 --> 00:01:59,471
- Hey! Shh! Relax. Hey, man.
- Shh. Hey.
52
00:01:59,489 --> 00:02:01,448
Mr. Dodo just flew in
from a shoot in Budapest.
53
00:02:01,459 --> 00:02:03,679
Don't want to make him grouchy,
and your squeaky voice
54
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,973
- is triggering to him.
- For the love of God,
55
00:02:05,974 --> 00:02:08,017
who put the monkey sailor suits
with the monkey hat?
56
00:02:08,018 --> 00:02:10,436
- That's my hat!
- Oh.
57
00:02:10,437 --> 00:02:11,729
How did you even get in here?
58
00:02:11,730 --> 00:02:12,855
I came by here last week
59
00:02:12,866 --> 00:02:15,306
and I got a key from your sister.
60
00:02:15,317 --> 00:02:17,652
'Bout this big.
61
00:02:17,653 --> 00:02:19,821
Face full of glitter?
62
00:02:19,822 --> 00:02:21,906
Uses her hair as a napkin?
63
00:02:21,907 --> 00:02:25,701
Oh! So that's who I gave my key to.
64
00:02:25,702 --> 00:02:28,121
Yeah. You just give
house keys out to everyone?
65
00:02:28,122 --> 00:02:29,914
Would you just give
a house key to a serial killer
66
00:02:29,915 --> 00:02:32,458
or some random dude
you go on one date with?
67
00:02:32,459 --> 00:02:35,586
Yeah. If they're hot
and nice to me, I would.
68
00:02:35,587 --> 00:02:37,464
As a matter of fact, happened recently.
69
00:02:43,720 --> 00:02:45,680
I like it, but I don't love it.
70
00:02:45,681 --> 00:02:47,390
Miss, I need you to pick a flavor.
71
00:02:47,391 --> 00:02:48,724
You're holdin' up the line.
72
00:02:48,725 --> 00:02:49,851
Go with cereal milk.
73
00:02:49,852 --> 00:02:51,727
This time of night,
the only toppings left
74
00:02:51,728 --> 00:02:54,897
are the dried cereals anyway,
so it sorta just works.
75
00:02:54,898 --> 00:02:58,776
- OK, I'll do that.
- Me, too. Thanks.
76
00:02:58,777 --> 00:03:00,486
- Great. Here you go.
- Thank you.
77
00:03:00,487 --> 00:03:02,572
- I'm sorry about that.
- No.
78
00:03:02,573 --> 00:03:04,490
I recently went through
a friend breakup,
79
00:03:04,491 --> 00:03:06,617
and I had to switch fro-yo locations.
80
00:03:06,618 --> 00:03:08,536
Yeah, no, I could tell.
81
00:03:08,537 --> 00:03:11,289
I can kind of spot people
who are switching
82
00:03:11,290 --> 00:03:13,791
fro-yo locations
because of personal drama.
83
00:03:13,792 --> 00:03:15,376
It's part of my job.
84
00:03:15,377 --> 00:03:17,378
- What's your job?
- I'm a sheriff.
85
00:03:17,379 --> 00:03:18,504
[LAUGHS]
86
00:03:18,505 --> 00:03:19,589
No, I'm an actor.
87
00:03:19,590 --> 00:03:21,591
Or a struggling, wannabe actor.
88
00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:24,361
Did you just put Muesli and
Fruity Pebbles in the same bowl?
89
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:26,971
Oh, well, I'm half toddler,
half senior citizen.
90
00:03:26,982 --> 00:03:29,349
- I'm full toddler.
- Oh, then allow me.
91
00:03:29,857 --> 00:03:31,614
Oh, I'm so sorry.
92
00:03:34,465 --> 00:03:35,590
It's OK.
93
00:03:35,601 --> 00:03:37,352
What did you say your name was?
94
00:03:37,353 --> 00:03:38,701
It's Wes.
95
00:03:39,439 --> 00:03:41,440
Can we hang out right now?
96
00:03:41,456 --> 00:03:43,040
- Yeah.
- Cool.
97
00:03:46,696 --> 00:03:48,363
[PHONE BUZZES]
98
00:03:48,364 --> 00:03:49,365
Awesome.
99
00:03:50,408 --> 00:03:52,075
Jeff, what's up, dude!
100
00:03:52,076 --> 00:03:54,119
You called me nine times this morning.
101
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:55,829
That's what's up.
I'm not comin' to Malibu.
102
00:03:55,830 --> 00:03:59,499
Please. It sucks here.
I'm so isolated, and it's overcast.
103
00:03:59,510 --> 00:04:02,143
No one feels bad for you. You're
at your parents' house in Malibu.
104
00:04:02,154 --> 00:04:04,240
Peace, brother.
105
00:04:05,650 --> 00:04:07,549
Hey. Sorry about that.
106
00:04:07,550 --> 00:04:10,552
No worries, dude. If you want,
I've got a house close by.
107
00:04:10,553 --> 00:04:13,305
You guys can come over, have an
ice cream sandwich, maybe a soda.
108
00:04:13,306 --> 00:04:15,236
You and your son can shower.
109
00:04:15,806 --> 00:04:17,340
Why would we shower at your house?
110
00:04:17,351 --> 00:04:20,437
Oh! I meant like an outdoor sand shower
111
00:04:20,438 --> 00:04:22,626
for your feet. I wasn't bein' weird.
112
00:04:23,691 --> 00:04:26,275
Guys! Let's pack it up!
113
00:04:26,286 --> 00:04:28,181
We'll move down the beach a little bit!
114
00:04:31,365 --> 00:04:33,657
- [ESTHER] Do you want popcorn right now?
- [WES] Sure.
115
00:04:33,668 --> 00:04:35,043
OK!
116
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:36,902
- OK, hold on.
- Hm?
117
00:04:36,913 --> 00:04:39,456
Do you bring popcorn home
from the movie theater?
118
00:04:39,457 --> 00:04:42,542
Yeah. It's just a trick I
learned from my ancestors.
119
00:04:42,543 --> 00:04:45,253
Do you also bring ranch salt
120
00:04:45,254 --> 00:04:48,590
- to the movie theater from home?
- How did you know that?
121
00:04:48,591 --> 00:04:49,925
- Are you from the Midwest?
- Are you from the Midwest?
122
00:04:49,926 --> 00:04:51,510
- [GASPS]
- Wisconsin.
123
00:04:51,511 --> 00:04:53,970
Illinois. But you don't have
a Wisconsin accent.
124
00:04:53,971 --> 00:04:56,348
I totally got rid of it
when I moved here.
125
00:04:56,349 --> 00:04:59,351
Midwest accents are so sexy.
126
00:04:59,352 --> 00:05:02,562
[IN MIDWESTERN ACCENT]
Bag. Chicago. Sausage.
127
00:05:02,563 --> 00:05:04,648
- You're cute.
- Wait, what... what's going on?
128
00:05:04,649 --> 00:05:07,234
Sorry. I... Sorry.
129
00:05:07,235 --> 00:05:08,777
Uh, I totally misread that.
130
00:05:08,778 --> 00:05:11,363
I'm sorry. I have been
best friends with a guy
131
00:05:11,364 --> 00:05:15,700
for so long, I forgot
that kissing and boys and me
132
00:05:15,701 --> 00:05:17,619
could, like, be a thing.
133
00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:21,540
Come on. I mean, you just
seamlessly worked "sausage"
134
00:05:21,541 --> 00:05:23,834
- into a conversation, and
now you think that -[LAUGHS]
135
00:05:23,835 --> 00:05:26,837
I'm gonna believe that guys aren't
trying to kiss you everywhere you go?
136
00:05:26,838 --> 00:05:29,381
Um, I'm just gonna roll with this.
137
00:05:29,382 --> 00:05:31,591
But before you kiss me,
there's some things
138
00:05:31,592 --> 00:05:33,635
- I want you to know. OK?
- All right.
139
00:05:33,636 --> 00:05:37,514
Number one, I have really dry lip
skin, and it sheds every three hours.
140
00:05:37,515 --> 00:05:38,932
Have you tried coconut oil?
141
00:05:38,933 --> 00:05:40,559
Yes, and I'm not looking for solutions.
142
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:43,603
Number two, I have bad breath.
Like, it's bad.
143
00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:46,315
Number three, is I'm really clingy.
144
00:05:56,284 --> 00:05:57,285
Hey!
145
00:05:59,036 --> 00:06:00,704
I... I think you're caught in a riptide!
146
00:06:00,705 --> 00:06:02,706
You gotta go parallel with the shore!
147
00:06:02,707 --> 00:06:04,249
I think!
148
00:06:04,250 --> 00:06:06,544
Use your legs! Oh, God.
149
00:06:09,046 --> 00:06:11,340
Be a hero. Be a hero! [GROANS]
150
00:06:17,638 --> 00:06:19,306
[GROANING]
151
00:06:19,307 --> 00:06:23,018
[PANTING]
152
00:06:23,019 --> 00:06:26,479
What was that? Are you trying
to be a hero or something?
153
00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:29,900
I was trying to save you, and
then you started hitting me.
154
00:06:29,901 --> 00:06:33,236
I was doing sea yoga,
and you were strangling me.
155
00:06:33,237 --> 00:06:34,530
Sea yoga?!
156
00:06:36,699 --> 00:06:40,702
Poor thing. You want
to come over for some tea?
157
00:06:40,703 --> 00:06:44,831
Sure I'm... pretty cold, and...
my blood doesn't circulate well.
158
00:06:44,832 --> 00:06:46,666
I think it's 'cause I was a C-section.
159
00:06:46,667 --> 00:06:48,127
Oh, come on.
160
00:06:50,129 --> 00:06:54,507
Number 52, I plan to have raised
300 dogs by the time I'm 35.
161
00:06:54,508 --> 00:06:56,677
I'm fine with that.
I'm fine with all of it.
162
00:06:57,887 --> 00:07:00,347
So, what now?
163
00:07:00,348 --> 00:07:04,476
Um, I don't know, because
nobody's ever gotten this far?
164
00:07:04,477 --> 00:07:06,061
- Should we...?
- Kiss?
165
00:07:06,062 --> 00:07:08,188
- Yeah.
- OK.
166
00:07:08,189 --> 00:07:11,524
Oh, uh, do I have anything in my teeth?
167
00:07:11,525 --> 00:07:12,526
- Not really.
- OK.
168
00:07:15,741 --> 00:07:18,437
OK, everybody, find your hiding spots!
169
00:07:18,448 --> 00:07:21,033
Jeff is five minutes away!
170
00:07:21,202 --> 00:07:22,702
You got Jeff a Starbucks gift card?
171
00:07:22,703 --> 00:07:24,537
That's my go-to gift idea.
172
00:07:24,538 --> 00:07:26,706
It's a Starbucks gift card.
It's literally the least
173
00:07:26,707 --> 00:07:29,459
you can do for a person where they
still have to say, "Thank you."
174
00:07:29,460 --> 00:07:34,131
Hi. Um. Did one of you eat a
frosting rose off of Jeff's cake?
175
00:07:35,132 --> 00:07:36,341
Wha...?
176
00:07:36,342 --> 00:07:37,634
That's a weird question, Tara.
177
00:07:37,635 --> 00:07:39,275
You know, there's a island of trash
178
00:07:39,286 --> 00:07:40,929
in the Pacific Ocean the size of Texas.
179
00:07:40,930 --> 00:07:42,639
Do you want to blame us for that, too?
180
00:07:43,974 --> 00:07:46,685
Did you just stand up for me?
181
00:07:46,686 --> 00:07:50,313
I mean, I had to, you have
active frosting on your face.
182
00:07:50,314 --> 00:07:52,315
- Uh, thanks.
- Other side.
183
00:07:52,316 --> 00:07:54,609
You also have frosting in your hair.
184
00:07:54,610 --> 00:07:56,361
It's so weird talking to you again.
185
00:07:56,362 --> 00:07:58,489
I just got really used to
self-reliant women.
186
00:08:05,287 --> 00:08:06,788
You met Axl Rose?
187
00:08:06,789 --> 00:08:10,418
I met William Rose. I made him Axl.
188
00:08:11,585 --> 00:08:13,003
You look amazing in that light.
189
00:08:14,505 --> 00:08:16,715
You're really drawing me?
190
00:08:16,716 --> 00:08:18,091
I'm in a woman's robe right now.
191
00:08:18,092 --> 00:08:21,136
You know what might make you
feel more comfortable?
192
00:08:21,137 --> 00:08:23,556
Take off the robe, and put this on.
193
00:08:27,041 --> 00:08:29,477
I'll do this here,
but in, like, vintage stores,
194
00:08:29,478 --> 00:08:31,813
I never put on leather jackets,
'cause I feel like
195
00:08:31,814 --> 00:08:33,566
they all belong to dead people.
196
00:08:35,693 --> 00:08:37,777
- [GRUNTS]
- How's that feel?
197
00:08:37,778 --> 00:08:40,280
I feel like Andrew Dice Clay's
stepson right now.
198
00:08:40,281 --> 00:08:42,699
- Lose the robe. -I don't
think anyone wants that.
199
00:08:42,700 --> 00:08:44,659
- I do.
- Why?
200
00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:48,163
You see, I like pulling trash
out of the ocean,
201
00:08:48,164 --> 00:08:49,873
molding it into something beautiful,
202
00:08:49,874 --> 00:08:53,461
and I think I can work with you.
203
00:08:55,212 --> 00:08:57,214
["YOU'RE IN LOVE" BY RATT PLAYING]
204
00:09:02,094 --> 00:09:04,596
? You take the midnight subway train ?
205
00:09:04,597 --> 00:09:08,349
? You're callin' all the shots ?
206
00:09:08,350 --> 00:09:10,685
? You're struck by lightning ?
207
00:09:10,686 --> 00:09:12,104
? You're in love ?
208
00:09:17,860 --> 00:09:21,112
? Turn around Remember me ?
209
00:09:21,113 --> 00:09:24,867
? I'm the one
Who's out and aimed to please ?
210
00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:28,453
? You're in love ?
211
00:09:28,454 --> 00:09:30,663
? You take the midnight subway train ?
212
00:09:30,664 --> 00:09:33,708
? You're in love
You're callin' all the shots ?
213
00:09:33,709 --> 00:09:35,126
? You're in love ?
214
00:09:35,127 --> 00:09:36,795
? You take the evening one-on-one ?
215
00:09:36,796 --> 00:09:38,505
? You're in love ?
216
00:09:38,506 --> 00:09:40,090
? You're only livin' to have fun ?
217
00:09:40,091 --> 00:09:41,759
? You're in love ?
218
00:09:44,637 --> 00:09:48,640
Mmm. Boxed potatoes, baby.
219
00:09:48,641 --> 00:09:49,641
The absolute best.
220
00:09:49,642 --> 00:09:51,726
I know, and they're magical,
221
00:09:51,727 --> 00:09:53,645
'cause they start out as sawdust,
222
00:09:53,646 --> 00:09:57,023
but then they become potatoes.
Coastal elites don't get it.
223
00:09:57,024 --> 00:10:01,528
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. OK.
224
00:10:01,529 --> 00:10:04,864
I just remembered
that I have a little surprise.
225
00:10:04,865 --> 00:10:06,491
- OK.
- [PHONE BEEPS]
226
00:10:06,492 --> 00:10:08,868
Check out this blessed little angel.
227
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:12,872
Oh. You, uh, combo-ed our faces
228
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:16,543
to make a baby picture.
Th... uh, that's... that's cool.
229
00:10:16,544 --> 00:10:19,087
[LAUGHS] I know, it's, like,
horrifically perfect.
230
00:10:19,088 --> 00:10:21,756
- Um...
- Oh, God.
231
00:10:21,757 --> 00:10:24,334
The baby was too much. I'm so stupid.
232
00:10:24,345 --> 00:10:25,972
I should have just done the elderly one,
233
00:10:25,983 --> 00:10:27,804
but I aged well and you didn't, and...
234
00:10:27,805 --> 00:10:30,598
No. Stop. It's not that.
235
00:10:30,599 --> 00:10:33,268
So, I just got so close
to booking the lead
236
00:10:33,269 --> 00:10:35,812
on this prank show
called "You Got Gacked,"
237
00:10:35,813 --> 00:10:39,691
but it turns out, they went with
Robert Downey Junior Junior.
238
00:10:39,692 --> 00:10:42,610
That's OK. You're gonna get
the next one. Who cares?
239
00:10:42,611 --> 00:10:44,863
Look, Esther, I've been here
for 10 years, OK?
240
00:10:44,864 --> 00:10:49,534
And the only job I booked was a
voiceover gig for Farmers Only.
241
00:10:49,535 --> 00:10:51,953
It's the dating site
for farmers and ranch hands.
242
00:10:51,954 --> 00:10:53,496
- I'm familiar.
- Look.
243
00:10:53,497 --> 00:10:55,039
Did I knock it out of the park?
244
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:56,749
Absolutely, I crushed it.
245
00:10:56,750 --> 00:10:59,043
But even that is kinda pathetic.
246
00:10:59,044 --> 00:11:01,379
I can't do it anymore.
247
00:11:01,380 --> 00:11:05,884
I'm, uh... I'm gonna move
back to Wisconsin.
248
00:11:05,885 --> 00:11:08,178
What? What...? When? Why?
249
00:11:08,179 --> 00:11:10,263
I just don't belong here.
250
00:11:10,264 --> 00:11:13,933
But I deleted so many photos
off my phone
251
00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:17,187
so that I could fit
the face changing app onto it.
252
00:11:17,188 --> 00:11:19,397
-I have... I have to go. -OK.
253
00:11:19,398 --> 00:11:22,484
- Wait. Please. Your potatoes.
- This is crazy.
254
00:11:29,658 --> 00:11:32,577
Benji? Benji!
255
00:11:32,578 --> 00:11:34,287
Hey, you must be the monkey groomer.
256
00:11:34,288 --> 00:11:36,080
I should warn you. We just did a scene
257
00:11:36,081 --> 00:11:38,333
where Mr. Dodo had to watch
two of his human co-stars
258
00:11:38,334 --> 00:11:39,918
eat a banana. He is very upset.
259
00:11:39,919 --> 00:11:43,338
What? No. I'm looking
for my friend, Benji.
260
00:11:43,339 --> 00:11:44,797
He usually helps me when I'm sad
261
00:11:44,798 --> 00:11:46,007
by pointing out all my flaws,
262
00:11:46,008 --> 00:11:48,093
and then telling me how unique they are.
263
00:11:49,762 --> 00:11:51,346
There's no Benji here on set.
264
00:11:51,347 --> 00:11:54,182
If you're not the groomer,
you don't belong here.
265
00:11:54,183 --> 00:11:56,893
You know what? You're right.
266
00:11:56,894 --> 00:11:59,605
I don't belong here. Thank you.
267
00:12:01,690 --> 00:12:04,901
But I will brush out that
monkey for a hundred bucks.
268
00:12:04,902 --> 00:12:06,445
- Psh. Come on in, girl.
- Thank you.
269
00:12:10,298 --> 00:12:12,825
Have you ever thought about
selling your stuff in a gallery
270
00:12:12,826 --> 00:12:15,411
or one of those weird rich
lady stores in Santa Monica?
271
00:12:15,412 --> 00:12:20,041
There is this festival in Australia
I've always wanted to go to.
272
00:12:20,042 --> 00:12:25,004
Sculptures by the Sea. It's a real
who's-who of sea trash artists.
273
00:12:25,005 --> 00:12:26,839
Why would you want to go to Australia?
274
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,926
I mean, I've had three drinks
thrown at me in my life.
275
00:12:29,927 --> 00:12:32,428
All Australians. Nothing good
comes out of that place.
276
00:12:32,429 --> 00:12:34,681
AC/DC, man!
277
00:12:34,682 --> 00:12:37,225
I mean, AC/DC is just entrance music
278
00:12:37,226 --> 00:12:39,227
for hockey teams, a this point.
279
00:12:39,228 --> 00:12:43,982
My God, relax. You're always so serious.
280
00:12:43,983 --> 00:12:45,526
- Mmm.
- That feels good.
281
00:12:48,904 --> 00:12:50,530
Whoa! OK, no. I don't do that stuff.
282
00:12:50,531 --> 00:12:52,240
I'm sorry. That's my no-no zone.
283
00:12:52,241 --> 00:12:54,826
What happened to fun, loose Benji?
284
00:12:54,827 --> 00:12:56,662
He's very far away! Very far!
285
00:12:56,673 --> 00:12:58,288
I'm sorry I'm not who you want me to be!
286
00:12:58,289 --> 00:12:59,831
I'm not even who I want to be!
287
00:12:59,832 --> 00:13:01,875
Thank you very much, though! Bye-bye!
288
00:13:07,881 --> 00:13:11,092
Be honest. Did the sea lady's
sculpture look as much like you
289
00:13:11,093 --> 00:13:13,011
as that clump of hair
I pulled out of my drain?
290
00:13:13,012 --> 00:13:16,222
You know that clump of hair
looked exactly like you.
291
00:13:16,223 --> 00:13:17,515
Bitter, much?
292
00:13:17,516 --> 00:13:18,891
Sorry I wasn't there for you
293
00:13:18,892 --> 00:13:20,935
when Mr. Wisconsin Cheese Boy
294
00:13:20,936 --> 00:13:23,688
abandoned your ass, but I was busy
295
00:13:23,689 --> 00:13:25,189
humping to the rhythm of the ocean.
296
00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:26,524
[SCOFFS]
297
00:13:26,525 --> 00:13:29,110
Cone on, Jeff. I saved us a table!
298
00:13:29,111 --> 00:13:30,987
- [ALL] Surprise!
- [JEFF] Aah!
299
00:13:30,988 --> 00:13:32,989
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
300
00:13:32,990 --> 00:13:35,533
Oh, my God! I totally
didn't see this coming!
301
00:13:35,534 --> 00:13:36,784
Happy birthday, sexy.
302
00:13:36,785 --> 00:13:37,870
Oh, thank you.
303
00:13:39,747 --> 00:13:40,955
What the hell is happening?
304
00:13:40,956 --> 00:13:42,915
They're saying hello like Europeans.
305
00:13:42,916 --> 00:13:44,751
Is this a new birthday tradition?
306
00:13:44,752 --> 00:13:46,711
All right, Jeff, let's do it.
307
00:13:46,712 --> 00:13:49,005
Oh, no, Esther.
308
00:13:49,006 --> 00:13:51,716
See, I told you. I told you they
had no idea we were going out.
309
00:13:51,717 --> 00:13:54,052
- What?
- Like boyfriend/girlfriend?
310
00:13:54,053 --> 00:13:57,096
You guys are the most self-centered
people I have ever met.
311
00:13:57,097 --> 00:13:59,042
In my entire life.
312
00:13:59,053 --> 00:14:00,975
But thanks for coming
to my birthday party.
313
00:14:00,986 --> 00:14:02,614
Self-centered? Is that fair?
314
00:14:02,625 --> 00:14:04,979
Your girlfriend threw you a
party without an open bar.
315
00:14:04,980 --> 00:14:07,106
What happened to you? Did
Esther give you a black eye?
316
00:14:07,107 --> 00:14:09,026
In a roundabout way, yeah, she did.
317
00:14:13,322 --> 00:14:15,615
[PHONE RINGING]
318
00:14:15,616 --> 00:14:17,950
- [ESTHER] Hey, it's Esther.
Rock the vote. -[PHONE BEEPS]
319
00:14:17,951 --> 00:14:19,744
You're probably still
mad at me, or whatever,
320
00:14:19,745 --> 00:14:22,998
but I wanted to call you
and tell you that...
321
00:14:24,958 --> 00:14:28,127
a love goddess tried to go
upstream in my Mississippi,
322
00:14:28,128 --> 00:14:30,922
and... I couldn't do it.
323
00:14:30,923 --> 00:14:34,217
I'm not a sexual rock star. I'm just
not comfortable letting someone in.
324
00:14:34,218 --> 00:14:36,761
- [PHONE BEEPS]
- [MAN] To send this message now, press "one."
325
00:14:36,762 --> 00:14:38,414
- To erase, press "two."
- [BENNY SIGHS]
326
00:14:38,425 --> 00:14:40,543
[PHONE BEEPING]
327
00:14:40,554 --> 00:14:41,974
Why won't you let her in?
328
00:14:41,975 --> 00:14:44,683
I heard the end of your conversation.
329
00:14:44,694 --> 00:14:46,957
There's this woman, and she's great,
330
00:14:46,968 --> 00:14:49,315
but she wants our relationship
to go somewhere
331
00:14:49,316 --> 00:14:50,983
I'm just not comfortable with.
332
00:14:50,984 --> 00:14:55,655
Relationships are tricky.
My advice? Open up.
333
00:14:55,656 --> 00:15:00,159
I never did, and now all I have
are my regrets, my thoughts,
334
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:03,663
and the most expensive
consumer-legal drone in America.
335
00:15:03,664 --> 00:15:07,166
Right, but I'm also concerned
it might physically hurt.
336
00:15:07,167 --> 00:15:10,169
I've never had a girl ruin her
manicure in my blowhole before.
337
00:15:10,170 --> 00:15:13,589
I now realize we're talking about
two totally different things.
338
00:15:13,590 --> 00:15:15,842
I know what I'm gonna do.
Thanks for the advice, man.
339
00:15:15,843 --> 00:15:16,844
Uh-huh.
340
00:15:19,054 --> 00:15:21,097
Take me to the magic of the moment.
341
00:15:21,098 --> 00:15:23,100
["YOU'RE IN LOVE" BY RATT PLAYS]
342
00:15:25,978 --> 00:15:27,104
? You're in love ?
343
00:15:30,023 --> 00:15:32,191
- Hey.
- Hey.
344
00:15:32,192 --> 00:15:37,030
I was waiting for you. I just really
didn't want this to end on a bad note.
345
00:15:37,990 --> 00:15:39,907
Also, I fixed your toilet handle.
346
00:15:39,908 --> 00:15:41,492
Um, so now you don't have to
347
00:15:41,493 --> 00:15:44,036
pull on a piece of yarn
to make it flush.
348
00:15:44,037 --> 00:15:45,788
Oh, God, that's so hot.
349
00:15:45,789 --> 00:15:47,290
- Thanks.
- I've been thinking,
350
00:15:47,291 --> 00:15:50,168
and I realized that
I want to come with you.
351
00:15:50,169 --> 00:15:54,630
[LAUGHS] Come on, Esther, you're
gonna go across the country for me?
352
00:15:54,631 --> 00:15:56,424
I miss lakes, and I miss shade.
353
00:15:56,425 --> 00:15:58,801
And I miss using bad weather
as an excuse to stay inside
354
00:15:58,802 --> 00:16:00,219
for six months out of the year.
355
00:16:00,220 --> 00:16:01,430
Yeah? Me, too.
356
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:06,017
Plus, we'll be driving distance
from my parents' dogs,
357
00:16:06,018 --> 00:16:07,518
and that is huge for me.
358
00:16:07,519 --> 00:16:09,262
Yeah, I know.
You've mentioned that a lot.
359
00:16:10,063 --> 00:16:13,107
- [TIA] So?
- I really liked it,
360
00:16:13,108 --> 00:16:17,028
but I think it's a special
occasion kinda thing.
361
00:16:17,029 --> 00:16:19,655
Every day is a special occasion.
362
00:16:19,656 --> 00:16:23,868
I was thinking, I'd go to Australia.
363
00:16:23,869 --> 00:16:25,953
I went to high school
with Mel Gibson's kids,
364
00:16:25,954 --> 00:16:27,371
and one of them was nice to me,
365
00:16:27,372 --> 00:16:30,791
so if you wanna go, let's go!
366
00:16:30,792 --> 00:16:32,044
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
367
00:16:37,341 --> 00:16:39,300
- Hey.
- Hey!
368
00:16:39,301 --> 00:16:42,053
So, I have some pretty good news.
369
00:16:42,054 --> 00:16:43,304
OK.
370
00:16:43,305 --> 00:16:46,224
I got into that online vet tech course.
371
00:16:46,225 --> 00:16:47,725
Wow!
372
00:16:47,726 --> 00:16:49,477
And the best part is, did you know
373
00:16:49,478 --> 00:16:52,396
you can just walk into a
store and buy scrubs?
374
00:16:52,397 --> 00:16:54,857
You don't even need, like, a
degree or a license or anything.
375
00:16:54,858 --> 00:16:57,068
- So, I have big news, too.
- Oh, my God. What?
376
00:16:57,069 --> 00:17:00,529
The producers from "You Got
Gacked" just called me,
377
00:17:00,530 --> 00:17:06,578
and Robert Downey Junior Junior
dropped out. I got the part!
378
00:17:07,871 --> 00:17:09,705
That's great. Great.
379
00:17:09,706 --> 00:17:13,042
But you're not gonna take it,
'cause we're gonna move.
380
00:17:13,043 --> 00:17:15,378
- Obviously.
- Yeah.
381
00:17:15,379 --> 00:17:18,256
What am I thinking? Uh...
382
00:17:18,257 --> 00:17:20,174
No way. I... I'm not taking that job.
383
00:17:20,175 --> 00:17:23,135
OK. Whew! That was scary
for a second. [LAUGHS]
384
00:17:23,136 --> 00:17:26,722
Uh-huh. I do have to tell you
something else, though.
385
00:17:26,723 --> 00:17:28,724
OK, what?
386
00:17:28,725 --> 00:17:30,102
You just got gacked.
387
00:17:31,770 --> 00:17:33,939
- What?
- You just got gacked.
388
00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:36,232
I don't...
389
00:17:36,233 --> 00:17:38,234
Y-you got gacked. I gacked you.
390
00:17:38,235 --> 00:17:40,945
I... I have to take the job.
I mean, you see that?
391
00:17:40,946 --> 00:17:42,238
Are... what?
392
00:17:42,239 --> 00:17:44,198
I'm not gonna be in the right headspace
393
00:17:44,199 --> 00:17:46,367
to be dating. I'm sorry.
I still want to be friends.
394
00:17:46,368 --> 00:17:50,955
No. You just broke my heart.
And you gacked me.
395
00:17:50,956 --> 00:17:53,583
Yeah. I shoulda just done
one or the other.
396
00:17:53,584 --> 00:17:54,585
Get out!
397
00:17:55,836 --> 00:17:58,004
Drone guy! What's up, dude?
398
00:17:58,005 --> 00:18:01,299
You gave me great advice. I'm a new man!
399
00:18:01,300 --> 00:18:04,135
I'm barefoot,
I got a soul patch cookin',
400
00:18:04,136 --> 00:18:07,847
and I got two tickets to
Australia for me and my lover.
401
00:18:07,848 --> 00:18:10,016
Agree to disagree on the soul patch,
402
00:18:10,017 --> 00:18:11,559
but other than that, glad to hear it.
403
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:13,686
Cool. Huh.
404
00:18:13,687 --> 00:18:16,022
That's weird. Her trailer's gone.
405
00:18:16,023 --> 00:18:19,609
Oh, Tia? Uh, she cut out
in the middle of the night.
406
00:18:19,610 --> 00:18:21,468
What? She left without saying goodbye?
407
00:18:21,479 --> 00:18:23,410
Is that who you were talking
about the other day?
408
00:18:23,421 --> 00:18:24,614
Yeah.
409
00:18:24,615 --> 00:18:26,032
If I'd a-known, I woulda told you
410
00:18:26,033 --> 00:18:27,199
not to get too attached.
411
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,576
Dude!
412
00:18:28,577 --> 00:18:31,288
Would it make you feel better
to fly a $20,000 drone?
413
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:34,040
Yeah, it would.
414
00:18:34,041 --> 00:18:36,459
So you flew a drone
415
00:18:36,460 --> 00:18:39,378
into your own face, and it's my fault?
416
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:41,074
Yeah, I mean,
I wouldn't have been talking
417
00:18:41,085 --> 00:18:43,424
to weirdos on the beach if you
would just pick up your phone.
418
00:18:43,425 --> 00:18:44,842
Well, then, you know what?
419
00:18:44,843 --> 00:18:47,470
It's your fault
that I got my heart broken
420
00:18:47,471 --> 00:18:50,973
by the lowest of the low in our society.
421
00:18:50,974 --> 00:18:52,558
A kids' prank show host.
422
00:18:52,559 --> 00:18:54,004
Since you're a vet now, or whatever,
423
00:18:54,015 --> 00:18:55,641
can you look at my eye
and make sure I'm OK?
424
00:18:55,652 --> 00:18:57,605
A vet technician.
425
00:18:57,606 --> 00:19:00,441
And... I quit on my first day.
426
00:19:00,442 --> 00:19:02,276
They expect you to treat snakes
427
00:19:02,277 --> 00:19:04,028
the same way you treat puppies.
428
00:19:04,029 --> 00:19:05,697
And that's a "heck, no."
429
00:19:06,981 --> 00:19:08,724
- [TARA] Thanks for coming.
- Hey!
430
00:19:08,735 --> 00:19:10,552
Hey. I wanted to wish you
a happy birthday
431
00:19:10,563 --> 00:19:12,106
from me and Esther.
432
00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:14,326
I knew you guys would find
your way back to each other.
433
00:19:14,599 --> 00:19:16,999
And as nice as these
Starbucks gift cards are,
434
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,511
don't worry about it. You already
got me the best gift of all.
435
00:19:20,903 --> 00:19:23,255
Me. He's talking about me.
436
00:19:23,256 --> 00:19:25,175
- Yeah.
- You introduced us?
437
00:19:26,770 --> 00:19:29,005
You know, he actually doesn't
even really like coffee.
438
00:19:29,016 --> 00:19:31,931
You know what, it's all right,
'cause I like the paninis.
439
00:19:31,932 --> 00:19:34,809
[GROANS] I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have said that.
440
00:19:34,810 --> 00:19:36,268
- Why?
- Yeah, why?
441
00:19:36,269 --> 00:19:38,312
Wasn't that what
your big fight was about?
442
00:19:38,313 --> 00:19:39,647
What fight?
443
00:19:39,648 --> 00:19:43,106
This is the best panini I've ever eaten.
444
00:19:43,117 --> 00:19:45,575
It's good, but it's not a panini.
445
00:19:45,586 --> 00:19:47,630
- Yeah, it is.
- It's not the right bread.
446
00:19:47,641 --> 00:19:50,074
Panini isn't a style of bread,
it's a style of sandwich.
447
00:19:50,075 --> 00:19:52,533
You need a right bread for the
panini, like you need a bread shell,
448
00:19:52,544 --> 00:19:54,777
because when you apply the
heat and pressure to sandwich,
449
00:19:54,788 --> 00:19:57,134
everything comes out. But if
you use, like, a ciabatta,
450
00:19:57,145 --> 00:19:58,749
the traditional panini bread...
451
00:19:58,750 --> 00:20:00,958
- it holds everything in.
- Really, to make a panini,
452
00:20:00,969 --> 00:20:02,989
you just need
two pieces of bread, right?
453
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:05,423
And then any kind
of middle that you want.
454
00:20:05,424 --> 00:20:07,758
- And then a panini press.
- But you can't just use any bread.
455
00:20:07,759 --> 00:20:09,343
- Like if you...
- You certainly can use any bread.
456
00:20:09,344 --> 00:20:11,721
That's what makes it a panini,
is the sandwich, the press.
457
00:20:11,722 --> 00:20:14,432
If you put a calzone in a panini press,
is that now a panini?
458
00:20:14,433 --> 00:20:16,600
Are you trying to make a calzone panini,
459
00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:19,229
in which case, you can.
Invent that. You'll be a millionaire!
460
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:20,489
- You need a bread shell!
- You don't!
461
00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:21,781
Otherwise, it's not a panini!
462
00:20:21,792 --> 00:20:22,857
- That's not true!
- Yes!
463
00:20:22,858 --> 00:20:25,735
A panini is a world unto itself.
And it needs a bread shell!
464
00:20:25,736 --> 00:20:27,069
- That's what happens!
- Get out of my house!
465
00:20:27,070 --> 00:20:28,237
I will love to get out of your house.
466
00:20:28,238 --> 00:20:29,655
Get out of my house! Get... get out!
467
00:20:29,656 --> 00:20:32,074
Because you know nothing
about making paninis!
468
00:20:32,075 --> 00:20:33,325
I know nothing. I need friends who know
469
00:20:33,326 --> 00:20:35,119
what a freakin' panini is!
470
00:20:35,120 --> 00:20:36,620
- That's what I need.
- That's right. So do I.
471
00:20:36,621 --> 00:20:37,705
Are you here? Are you here right now?
472
00:20:37,706 --> 00:20:39,165
- I'm gone.
- Oh, OK.
473
00:20:39,166 --> 00:20:42,042
I wanted to make sure you hear me
when I say, "Friendship, over."
474
00:20:42,043 --> 00:20:43,753
- OK.
- I don't need this.
475
00:20:43,754 --> 00:20:45,343
Oh, OK. Great. Like I need this.
476
00:20:45,354 --> 00:20:47,449
Someone who doesn't even
know what a real panini is.
477
00:20:47,460 --> 00:20:48,541
"Panini," idiot.
478
00:20:48,591 --> 00:20:53,141
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