All language subtitles for Alone Together s01e06 Dinner Party.eng

♪♪

Please no water bill,

please no water bill,
please no water bill, please no water bill.

I told you, move into
a place where utilities are included.

- You don't listen.
- Are utilities included

in the house that
your parents bought you?

They didn't
get me a house.

They got my brother a house,
and I just live there, but...

yeah, utilities
are included.

Oh, my God, it's them.
Act normal.

They're just your neighbors.
Just say hi.

I can't just say hi
to women like this, okay?

They have perfect hair,

they have this magical smell,

and people are always
leaving their apartment

happier than
when they went in.

They're coming.
Say something smart.

What kind of smart?
Book smart or regular smart?

Just smart smart.

And that's when I said,
"Listen, the data has been compromised."

- Hi.
- Hi.

- We're neighbors, right?
- That's right.

I'm Rose, and this is
my wife, Camille.

I'm Esther, and this is
my wife, Benji.

You'll have to excuse her.

She usually makes, like,
15% to 20% more sense.

We just saw a 3D movie,
and she's sort of,

like, frazzled and stuff.

Don't you love those?
It's incredible what they can do with computers now.

I use computers.
I do.

Well, this has been fun.

We should do it again...
sometime.

Yeah, get together
or something.

Really? Oh, I would
do anything. Dinner?

Tonight? Right now?
What do you guys think?

- Yeah.
- Sure. Like 7:00?

I was gonna say 7:00.

Triple jinx.

Okay, perfect.
We'll see you then.

We will
see you then.

Can we, um,
bring anything?

Please, no.
Don't you bring a thing.

- BOTH: Okay.
- Nice to meet you.

Perfect.
I'll see you then.

What, are you Rachael Ray?
You're gonna make people dinner tonight?

I guess
they'll bring it.

You just told them
not to bring anything.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

This has to go
really well, right?

These women could be
the perfect mentors for me.

I feel like mentors
aren't a real thing,

and you should just
read a book on leadership or something.

Benji, mentorship
is very real.

Look at me.
My life's a mess.

Ever since Oprah
went off the air, I stopped growing.

The only way I'm ever
gonna become a powerful woman

is if I have one around me
to copy off of.

- Tonight, I could have two.
- All right, all right.

Ask them to be
your mentors.

You can't just ask,
or maybe you can. I don't know.

- That's why I need a mentor.
- That's why you need a CAT scan.

I don't know
what I'm doing, okay.

Realistically, the only
dinner party I ever went to

was the wake after
my great-aunt's funeral,

and it did not
go well, okay.

The turnout was low,
my parents got into a huge fight,

I had a stomachache.

Okay, fine, I'll help you
with the food.

- Really?
- I've been to a million dinner parties.

I can make a cheese plate
in my sleep.

Okay, great.
Thank you so much.

And you know what?
I'm gonna do something really important, too.

I'm gonna sit in
the bathtub and visualize

this night
going perfectly.

Okay, here's a thing.
Instead of visualizing,

I think you should
clean your apartment,

because it looks like
the returns counter at Ross.

Ross is a successful
corporation, so thank you.

Seriously, dude,
tidy up.

Okay. Well, this is
my taste, so...

Rotisserie chicken
for one?

No, but that's
very perceptive of you

to pick up
my lonely vibes.

It's for a dinner party.

Um... just drinking
soy milk straight up like that.

It's kind of bad
for your system.

I just stopped drinking it
because it was making

my genitals
kind of atrophy.

Neat.

And you should be
extra careful,

because soy can
trigger breast cancer in women.

Um, I'm sorry, are you,
like, a doctor or something?

No. Why? What does
that matter?

You have, like,
a lot of opinions

about breast cancer
and what I'm putting into my body.

Well, you appear
to have a healthy body,

and your breasts
look healthy also,

so I thought
you would wanna know.

Do you think it's okay
that you're talking about my breasts?

I mean, I talked about
my genitals--

Why are we talking
about your genitals?!

I don't know,
we're all human,

and we're gonna die one day,
and let's talk about

the things that
make us mortal. I don't know.

You need to go.

- I have to go?
- Out that door.

- Are you mad at me?
- Do you need a bag?

Hey, are these statement glasses
too much of a statement?

I'm trying to say
"I need your help,"

but without
an exclamation point.

You shouldn't ask me anything.
I'm such an idiot, man.

The cashier at
that market

pretty much accused me
of being a misogynist,

and I was just
trying to be nice.

Yeah, that co-op
is scary.

One time, I forgot
to bring my bag,

and they made me carry
my groceries out in my sweatshirt.

- ( knocking on door )
- Oh, my God, they're early.

It's a power move,
I think.

Wait. I have to answer.
It'll send the wrong message.

Welcome!

BOTH: Hi.

Oh, it's so cute!

We got you
a little something.

Are you kidding me?
Thank you.

I love a little
something. You should have.

- Oh, so cute.
- Yeah.

Cute's for babies.

You guys are
cute, though.

Um, appetizers
or anything?

I can get you a tartine
with a sheep's milk cheese

that was pre-made,
but I'll take credit for it.

- Oh, sure.
- That'll be great.

We're famished.
We've been walking...

Oh, honey,
17,000 steps today.

17,000?
Get out of here!

In those wedges?

ESTHER: Exercise is
good for you.

So, kids,
what's on the menu?

Tonight, we are
preparing

a rotisserie chicken,
and it's actually

a wonderful recipe.

I got it off
Elizabeth Warren's Pinterest page.

She's a senator.

And then, for dessert,
we are going to do

Esther cake.

It's a homemade cake.

We love cake,
Esther.

I love cake... the most.
I love it.

Hey, hey.

Come here.

Please excuse me
for one moment.

♪ Don't touch that dial ♪

What's up?

Okay, so I was
really frazzled at the market,

and I think I forgot
one of the bags there.

So all that we have
is lettuce and toilet paper.

- Wait, what?
- There's no rotisserie chicken.

Do you think they would eat
a toilet paper salad?

What is this, Panda Express?
I don't think so.

Obviously, we can't throw
a dinner party without dinner.

Then it would just
be a regular party,

and I didn't make
the right playlist for that.

Okay, I think
we should just reschedule.

Yeah. I'm gonna tell them
that you pooped your pants.

No, don't...
okay, fine.

But just tell them
it's not a regular thing.

I'm not making
any promises.

Why don't we just
go back to the store,

and we can
pick up the food?

I'm so glad you heard us.
That's a great idea.

I can't go back
to that co-op. I'm not welcome there.

Why not?

People think when
you're a man,

you can't be a victim,
but when you're short

and opinionated,
it happens more than you think.

It'll be fine.
I'll go with you.

She'll go with you.
It's gonna be great.

We can mix it up
and get to know each other.

Oh, my God,
like a one-on-one.

- Yeah.
- Benji, please go.

We'll never make it
to hometowns if you don't.

- Will you
keep me safe? - Trust.

Come on. I got you.

We'll be back.

Are you
braiding my hair?

Yeah. It's a loose
French braid.

It's gonna
look amazing.

Okay.

It's not like I wanna
make people angry.

I wanna be liked
by everyone all the time.

It's paralyzing when
I say stupid stuff.

You know what, Benji, I'm just
gonna be stern with you,

because you seem
to respond better

when people tell you
what to do.

That's true.
You're very perceptive.

Thank you.

Now go over there
and apologize to her.

Yeah, I don't like that.
That's not my thing.

Benji, did you
or did you not tell me

you were being
an asshole to this woman?

I guess.

Man up.
Man up.

Let's go.

Okay, fine.
You have to come with me.

Okay. You first.

Do you think I have
enough to make a salad?

I have a cheddar,
a Swiss,

and a cheddar-Swiss
blend.

Yeah, okay.
That'll work. Take 'em out.

Let's start unpeeling,
and, uh, let's see.

I will take
this cranberry juice,

and make a reduction.

- Start stringing those.
- Okay.

Um, what are
you looking for?

Whatever wants to be found.

Wow.

Um, hey, Camille,

do you know those salads
that taste really good...

like they don't even
taste like salads,

but you don't know why.
Do you know why?

What makes a really good
salad is minced garlic.

That's garlic?

Actually, candied
walnuts are better,

but you don't have walnuts,
so we're gonna mince garlic.

- Got it.
- I'll show you how.

Just take a clove.
This is a clove.

- It's like a petal.
- Of course. Right.

Now pick up
your knife.

And you're not
gonna cut, you're gonna press.

So you're gonna
lay it flat. There you go.

- ( knock on door )
- Oh, shoot, someone's here.

Benji must've
forgot his keys.

You gave him keys
to your apartment?

He doesn't deserve them,
does he? I'll take them away.

- I'll take them
away right now. - ( stammers )

Oh, no, game night.
No, no, no.

No. You didn't
forget again.

My iCal hasn't been syncing.
I'm going through an Apple change.

Well, come on, man,
let's get this thing started.

We're having a dinner
party, you gotta go.

- Great. I'm starving.
- No, you can't--

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Look, a new friend.
- New friend? Old friend.

We've been friends
for years.

New friend for me.
Come on in.

- I'm Jeff.
- A pleasure. Camille.

I was just offering
Jeff a glass of water.

What a wonderful
host.

We have plenty of
drizzle for everybody.

Jeff loves
drizzle.

Thank you.

- Gianna.
- Hi.

Oh, great.

As we practiced.

I'm sorry I tried
explaining something to you

that you might've
already known.

You know damn well
what you're putting in your body,

and I shouldn't
have said anything.

Oh, okay.

Thank you.

Sometimes I just
wanna be helpful,

and the tone I use
makes it sound like I know better than you,

when I don't.
I'm...

I'm just a weak man with
an unnecessarily strong point of view.

Amen.

Thank you for that.

- Here is your bag.
- Ah, thanks.

- All right, bye, girl.
- Bye, babe.

- See ya.
- Bye.

- I'm making dinner tonight.
- Good. Enjoy your dinner.

Thank you.
She's cool.

- Yeah.
- I should give her a hug.

No hug.
No hug, no touching.

Wow. This looks great.

Camille, do you have,
like, a background in interior design,

because you're just
so intuitive.

Yes, I do.
Nate Berkus and I have the same hypnotist.

Oh, my gosh.
Wow, feng shui is real.

And multivitamins are...

- Very real.
- Yes.

- And 401(k)'s?
- Important. A self-IRA works, too.

- How about flossing?
- Occasionally. Once a week is fine.

Should I be more worried
about under my eyes or my neck?

Actually, you know
what's weird?

- It's your hands.
- Of course.

- They give it away.
- 100%

Excuse me.
Is El Chupacabra real?

You mean the Mexican
vampire weasel?

- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'm not sure about that.

Okay.

This is coming together.
We need seating.

Yes, we do.
We do need seating.

- Hey, Cami.
- How'd it go?

You won't believe
how brave Benji was.

He apologized
to a woman... in public.

Oh, my God.
Did you really do that, Benji?

It wasn't a big deal.

Since we're all back,
I wanna take a second,

and show you guys
something very special.

Wait, so
what happened? I want to hear it.

This was a huge deal.
This is real growth.

I mean, it felt
courageous,

but I couldn't have
done it without Rose.

She's my rock.
I mean, she's your rock.

In that moment,
she was my rock, too.

- I'll share my rock.
- Thanks for rock sharing.

( laughter )

Wait, what are you...
oh, right.

- Game night.
- Y'all bullshit people.

I love you, dude.

So one night,
I was up late,

my parents were asleep,
I ordered these on QVC.

They're Princess Diana
commemorative dishware.

I really admire her for
her strength and her beauty,

but mostly her beauty.

I'm sorry.
I think maybe you should set those,

and get the table ready,
and I'm just gonna help Benji out in the kitchen,

'cause I really wanna hear
more about his breakthrough.

Oh, actually, um...
I think I would be best suited doing

whatever it is
that you're doing.

I'm an excellent copycat.

But we need someone
to do this, so you do that and we'll do this.

- Then we'll come back.
- Okay.

Where were you guys
when Princess Diana died?

- ROSE: It was amazing.
- BENJI: Thank you.

Hey, these women
are so much fun.

They're great.
They're very great.

ROSE: My Pilates
instructor, Benji,

can make you stand
an inch taller.

Oh, my God,
that sounds great, but I feel taller already.

Jeff, I wanna feel taller.
My transformation's slipping away from me.

Maybe there's a scenario
where everybody wins.

Jeff, you wanted
to play a game?

Guess what. Tonight,
we're gonna play a game,

and the prize
is those women, and I'm gonna win them.

I don't think
you should say things like that.

( laughter )

As you know, there's
an obesity epidemic in this country,

so to control
my metabolism,

I eat 20 really small
meals a day.

If it's bigger than
my hand, I won't even put it in my mouth.

Yeah, it's so important to
treat your body like a temple,

or however
you choose to worship.

And that reminds me
of this think piece

I recently read
about Gwyneth.

I know we all have
mixed feelings about her.

But Gloria Steinem
had actually reposted it,

so I feel comfortable
bringing it up at the dinner table.

Oh, Gloria.
She's so inspirational.

We have every last one
of her books.

If you wanna borrow one,
just let us know.

- I would love that.
- ( derisive chuckle )

Say good-bye to that book.

Funny thing about reading.
I'm a speed reader.

I'm not formally
trained or anything,

but my words per minute
is pretty off the chain.

Huh.

I was in a gifted program
growing up,

and I actually read books
back to front.

It's a Japanese tradition
that I've adopted.

In all fairness, though,
I have a biological advantage with reading,

because I have
very thick corneas.

Makes me a great candidate
for Lasik.

I actually, whenever
I take a dance class,

the teacher always asks me
to stand in the front row,

just so that I can
set a good example,

and other students
can learn from me

- and my form.
- Okay.

I took the hardship
of being raised by a housekeeper,

and turned it
into being bilingual.

Que bueno.
Me gusta la playa.

- ¿Que esta pasando?
- Not much.

I actually went to
the most diverse high school in the nation.

We had a pep assembly
about it.

I think it's called
assimilation. I'm sort of a wordsmith.

I can do a perfect
cartwheel from memory. Do you guys wanna see?

What do you mean,
from memory?

Like, I have it memorized.

Hey, Esther, shouldn't we
serve our guests dessert

before the acrobatic
portion of this evening?

I think that's wise.

So I think you should
just sort of chill out a little,

'cause I'm killing it.

Remember that you're not
supposed to be killing it tonight,

because you think
mentors are stupid?

I changed my mind, okay?
Maybe I want mentors, too.

They're really body positive
with me, and I feel safe

asking them pretty much
any question.

You are a man, and you
feel safe asking anyone anything.

I'm small, and everywhere I go,
life is a threat.

Those women are mine.

Did you ever think that
maybe those women

don't like being
referred to as objects that can be owned?

Did you ever think that
that's not really how you talk, right?

Oh, 'cause this is
how you talk?

Yeah, and you know
what I was thinking?

Maybe we should
just go out there,

and we'll let them
decide who they want to be their mentee.

Okay, fine. Great.

- Don't.
- What?

It's my apartment,
I'm taking this cake out.

You can't be trusted
with cake.

I can be trusted.
It's my apartment.

- I'll decide who can
be trusted and who can't be. - Give me the cake.

- Absolutely not.
- You're gonna get dandruff on the cake.

- I am not.
- Yes, sir!

- Frenchy.
- Stop! - ( hisses )

I don't mean
to be intrusive, but is this common,

the way they
compete for attention?

This is nothing.

Usually on game night,
we never get to the actual game.

They just spend
the whole evening

screaming at each other
about the rules.

It's actually a pretty good
metaphor for their relationship.

CAMILLE:
Wow. Nice.

Ballet for eight years.

Broadway jazz for five.

That might work as
a wonderful way

to non-verbally express
what you're feeling on the inside.

You know what else
is great?

- Games.
- I love games.

Especially something
with a performative element.

No, no, no,
we're not playing charades.

She makes
all the clues up,

and unless you know
a ton of stuff about late '90s girl groups,

you don't have a chance.

I actually send out a Spotify
playlist ahead of time,

so if you did your homework,
you wouldn't have a problem.

All right, now it's
feeling like game night.

Well, Benji, Esther,
do you guys like to be on the same team?

Oh, they always play
on the same team.

It's been that way
since the day they met.

Actually, I'd love
to hear that story.

- How did you guys meet?
- Yeah, how did you meet?

Of course, yes.

Um, I was at the Comedy Store
on stage doing stand-up

at the open mic,
and I heard

this sharp, annoying,
almost painful voice

coming from
the back of the room.

It was a heckler--

I wasn't heckling.
Esther was on stage bombing,

trying to do crowd work
by asking the audience

what their favorite
Cheesecake Factory entree was,

so I stepped in
to save her--

I didn't actually
need to be saved,

because I was doing
just fine,

and even if I was failing,

failure is
a part of the process.

That's how you grow, that's
how you achieve, et cetera.

Now Esther, how does it
make you feel

when Benji questions
your recollection of how you two met?

Honestly, Rose,
it makes me feel terrible.

It's weird that
you feel terrible

about certain things,
and not about other things,

like, for example,
her Etsy account got flagged,

'cause she was selling
unlicensed Heath Ledger merch.

Whatever. You're just
jealous that I was breastfed and you weren't.

You think I'm the only
formula baby at this table?

You don't know who
you just offended.

I think maybe we should
just take a breath.

You're right, and here it is,
it's on full display.

This is the reason
why I, moving forward,

would love for you two
to be my mentors.

By mentor, you mean
mental health professionals?

Then sure, we can
help you, no problem.

No, I mean mentor,
like someone who looks at

all the problems I'm having
and then fixes them for you.

Yeah, we do that for a living.
We're psychologists.

I'm sorry, you must've
noticed that--

the clients coming
in and out of our apartment.

- What are you talking about?
- I thought you just had a lot of friends.

No. We've actually been
observing you since you moved into the building.

It's interesting;
we thought

that you were probably
an emancipated minor,

you know, because of
your dietary habits,

and then, we thought, no,

maybe it's Benji is keeping
you against your will

as an indentured
servant.

I mean, how would I keep
someone against their will?

I'm 125 pounds.

We were wrong
about that.

After spending time
with you two this evening,

this is clearly
a textbook case of codependency,

and it's keeping you both
from reaching your full potential.

Yes! Thank you!

My fault.
Sorry about that.

- That was good.
He's very healthy. - Yes.

It's the truth.

So all of this was just
to drum up business

for your practice?

I mean, look around.
She can't afford therapy.

What kind of therapist
spies on potential patients?

That sounds
unethical to me.

We weren't spying. You're
so obviously unwell, we couldn't help but notice.

Thank you for
the groundbreaking diagnosis

- that we're codependent.
- Really.

You go to
University of Phoenix? We know we're codependent.

I mean, we text each other
every time we have a bowel movement.

Yeah. We FaceTime
every night before bed,

and fall asleep to
each other's ambient noises.

Ambient noises to fall asleep;
that is not normal, girl.

I think you two should
just have sex with each other,

and call it a day.

Wow, what a revolution.
Yeah, we know.

You think you're
the first person to say that?

Suggesting we have sex
is the most hack thing to say to us

right after
"you're codependent."

Okay.
You know what?

We didn't come here
to drum up business.

We don't need
your business.

We came here to have
a nice dinner with our neighbors.

But I think it's
time to leave, honey.

- Yeah, I do.
- I think that's a great idea.

I think you should just go.
Go. Please go.

We'll just
show ourselves out.

Please show yourselves out
and go, I think that's great.

I'm so sorry. I've been
in therapy for ten years.

I want you to know,
I'm on your side.

It's just, I gotta
stay for cake.

Wait, before you go,
can I ask you one question for free?

How do you guys
smell so good all the time?

Is it a shower?
What is it?

Small-batch lavender oil.

Very expensive.

Thank you.
Get out!

- The jitterbug.
- Uh, ten-meter sprint.

- Wayne's World flashback.
- Jay-walking ticket.

Flashback.

"Don't Go Chasing
Waterfalls."

'90s girl groups.

Always remember
the category.

I'm sorry. Now that
you say that,

- you were nailing it.
- I know. - I just missed it.

Okay, I'm up.

No.

Esther, I don't know
what any of these things are.

I mean, what is "No More
(Baby I'ma Do Right")?

3LW. Dude, did you
have no childhood?

- What's going on?
- Making games only you can win?

What are you,
Angelica from Rugrats?

You guys, if you're not
doing the right research

before you play the game,
that's on you.

Where did you get
this cake?

It's actually three old cakes
pushed into one cake,

and one of them is from
my half-birthday party,

which I'm still waiting
on my presents, guys.

So this cake's from
three months ago?

When you push
all the cakes together, it's like recycling.

It was in the freezer, okay?

The icing is brand-new.

All right, I'm out.
See you guys next week.

- What?
- What's next week?

You guys suck.

- So negative.
- I know.

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