Original subtitles

DEANNA: Previously, on "All Night"...

- Do you want to? - Yeah.

- Me too.

- Nothing's fun anymore.

You know, everything has to be by the book.

Candlelit dinners are a fire hazard.

- You're off the hook. - Really?

- You leave right now. No good-byes, no nothing.

- This whole night, I have felt like a prop.

Cosplay_queen_7, the distinct birthmark

on her upper thigh.

Tonight, we will find you.

? ?

- One-- both: Two, three.

[upbeat music]

- It's just a blackout.

We've all been in the dark before.

So let's chillax... - Just go back to sleep.

- ...And handle ourselves like adults.

- Oh, excuse me, sir, I know we're

not allowed to leave yet, but I think I'm getting, like--

[coughs] kind of a cold and sore throat

and flu situation. - Then try not to breathe

on anybody, Mr. Figueroa, 'cause as you can see,

we are dealing with much bigger issues here.

Hey, no running in the halls.

- [laughs] Okay, your turn.

- Okay, most likely to succeed:

Henry, the CPR dummy.

- Mmkay, um, biggest overachiever goes to

piss pumpkin.

It has done so much for me.

How come nobody's been down here yet?

We pulled the fuses, like, five minutes ago.

- I don't know.

Um, okay, biggest improvement

goes to this room.

Thanks to you.

- Sexiest... - Mm.

- ...Goes to also Henry, the CPR dummy.

- Fair. - And longest held

stupid grudge goes to me.

- Probably right.

But you also get best apology.

I mean, it takes a lot to admit that you're wrong.

And because of that, I'm gonna indulge your grudge.

- What do you mean?

- What I'm saying is, how would you like

a do-over on a seminal moment from your past?

- [laughs]

- Hmm?

- Man, when I think of all the things

we could've been doing tonight instead of looking

for some stranger with a chalice-shaped birthmark

on her ass. - I really thought

cosplay_queen_7 and I would wind up together.

Just like Natasi Daala and Boba Fett.

- But Natasi Daala and Boba Fett

didn't end up together.

They aren't a couple. - They are

in the Expanded Universe. - Your fan fiction

doesn't count as the Expanded Universe.

- Don't be a dick. - Don't violate

the sacred canon. - He's right.

It makes no canonical sense.

Bobba Fett's interest in Natasi Daala

was purely mercenary.

And if you ask me, Natasi's still hung up on Mekus porn.

- Who are you?

- I'm everyone. I'm no one.

I'm the girl with the chalice-shaped birthmark.

? ?

[grunting]

- Wait! Wait, hold up, hold on!

- Wait, wait, wait! - Hold on!

- [grunting]

Ahh, oh.

Jesus--hey.

Just let me talk. We don't have much time

and I'm a little nervous, so I'm just gonna say it.

I don't want tonight to be a one-time thing, Melinda.

I really like you and I wanna see you again

- Huh? - No, let me finish.

When I think about how awesome tonight has been--

and I'm not just talking about the sex--

although, that was pretty great, too.

But, like, earlier, in the parking lot,

when we stole all that booze out of Saperstein--oh.

- Mr. Fulner. - Principal Saperstein.

Good evening.

[rock music]

? ?

- Wake up, lazy bones. - This isn't laziness.

It's mournful reflection.

- About? - Ronnie and I came in tonight

in relationships.

Now mine is tenuous and hers is--

- A hot mess. - I can't believe Cassie

thinks I treat her like a prop.

- I'm walking out of here with the whole school

thinking of me as the girl Oz cheated on.

- Well, maybe instead of wallowing in that,

you focus on doing something fun

with a really great friend and all-around positive person.

Guys, I'm talking about me. - Mm.

What do you wanna do? - Whatever it is, pass.

I can't just magically drop all my problems.

- No, but you can drop...

your clothes.

- All I know, Mr. Sacajeriah is that I have

the entire senior class out there

doing God knows what in the dark.

In fact, one of them just came through my ceiling.

Well then, find the maintenance person.

Somebody's got to know where the breaker box is.

Thank you. I've been looking for those.

So what are we gonna do about this?

- Well, for one, I'd like to apologize for the ceiling

and my alcohol thievery--

both poor decisions, I know.

- I'm talking about you and Melinda.

This is so exciting! - I'm sorry,

I--I thought I was in trouble. - Oh, forget about that.

Melinda Weems is probably one of my all-time

favorite students and a friend.

Now, granted, she messed things up pretty big-time tonight,

which is why I sent her home.

- That's where she went? - Believe me,

she got off easy.

So what's the plan?

You two gonna do the long-distance thing?

- No, we haven't planned that far ahead yet.

I mean, we still have three months.

- Three months? Um, but Melinda took

a work-study job in the Cornell dining hall for the summer.

She leaves tomorrow.

- [chuckles]

She, uh--she never mentioned that.

- So what are you gonna do about it?

- Figure something out.

- I love it! [laughs]

- You want us to go streaking?

It's--it's not streaking, per se.

It's--it's more like-- like a rebirth.

A reboot.

I like to call it the naked challenge.

- Wow, you really know how to dress up streaking.

But you know what?

You're right. Screw what people think.

This will be our last official act as high school besties.

Unfettered by societal norms and expectations.

The Roni revolution starts now.

- The Roni and Lyssee revolution.

And Alexis.

Obviously, you're in.

Just don't go turning this into, like,

the naked singing Alexis parade

with dancing monkeys and glitter.

- What do you mean? - You just tend to

get a little carried away with stuff like this.

- No, I don't. I'm an introvert.

Wait, are you saying you agree with Cassie

when she says I always need the spotlight.

- Yeah. - No.

- No. - We love that about you.

It's endearing.

Exhausting, but--but endearing.

- I'm out. - What? You'd rather

watch Roni and I get all the glory

of the naked challenge while you just sit and watch

from the sidelines.

- Someone's gotta hold your clothes.

[both laughing]

- Ugh, there's only an hour left.

- Yep. Almost end of the night.

And what about us?

- You know, I've had so much fun with you tonight, but--

- Uh-oh.

You don't need a GED to know where this is going.

- Yeah. - But it's okay.

I feel the same way. - Hanging out with you

has been amazing and if anyone had told me

at the start of the night that I'd wind up kissing

the most infamous person in school history--

- You would be like, "Oh, my God, I hear that dude is hot."

- [laughs] Yeah, probably.

- Well, thanks for such a great night.

You helped me do so many things on my list,

it's like I had a complete high school experience.

And I can even count you as the one that got away.

Although, if you have a sec,

think you could help me check one last thing off my list?

- Okay.

- Babe! Can't we talk about this?

- Not a chance, ass nugget. We're done.

- Don't be so truculent.

You knew what I was like when we started this.

- So what? Am I just supposed to share you

next semester with the harlots of Phoenix University?

- Then I am afraid we are at loggerheads.

But maybe someday-- - No, no,

there will be no someday, Nino Clemente.

We're done! Now get out of my face

with your rugged good looks and superior vocabulary.

? ?

? ?

- Okay, the goal of the naked challenge is to

make it from here to the other end of the Rec Center

and back, naked.

- Hence the name. - Yes.

We'll start here, hit the activities room

and then run like hell back to our clothes.

- Ooh, you should ring the Midnight Madness gong.

- Ooh, nice! Oh, and Alexis,

whatever your secret plan is to somehow get

even more naked than us, just don't let it get us seen.

- I will not steal your thunder.

I have my whistle. I'm gonna be so chill

and understated, you guys will have to

give me an award for it.

- So what are the stakes?

What happens to the last one back?

- The loser has to...

jump out of a moving car

into another moving car that's on fire!

- Or...

the loser has to buy the winner 50 lunches this summer.

- 50 lunches? That means we have to be together,

like, all the time.

- Your point is?

- That's so sweet. I almost hope I lose.

Hold my candle.

- Okay, three-- - Six, five, four--

- Wait, did you just start with six?

- Who starts at six? - Everyone starts at six.

And all of Europe.

- Let's just get naked.

[blows whistle] - Alexis!

Shh! - I--sorry!

? ?

- All right, now, you sure you don't wanna back out?

- Positive.

- [sighs]

Looks like the spin the bottle gods want me

to kiss your piss pumpkin.

- We can call it a respin. My turn.

- Maybe the bottle landing on the jack-o-lantern

was its way of telling us that our window of opportunity

closed back at the party in middle school.

- Oh, right, the sentient bottle theory.

[laughs] Nice try.

[spins bottle]

- Ha! Wow, looks like sparks

are really flying between you two.

I should give you some privacy.

- No chance. Spin.

[spins bottle]

- The darkness heightens the other senses.

If we hold our noses too, we'll recognize that voice

the second we hear it. - So I flat out told him,

I'm not going to Bard.

I'm moving in with Jarrod, we're starting

our own candle company.

- Oh, my God, Gina, you are so brave.

- Yeah, you gotta be if you're gonna

go up against big candle.

- This could take a while.

- Hey, you guys holding your noses to heighten

your sense of hearing in the dark?

- Bryce, how was all that

amazing sex with the coach's wife?

Those were air quotes, by the way,

in case you couldn't hear them.

- Ah, yeah, it didn't happen.

- Wow, what a twist.

- I changed my mind, okay?

- So nothing happened?

- Oh, something happened.

We talked, and dudes, it was mind blowing.

- What do you mean? - I mean

that thanks to Mrs. Lewis,

I'm going to leave for college with more sexual know how

than you two dipshits might learn in your entire lives.

- That's setting the bar kinda low.

- Put your nose back.

? ?

- Hi, I'm here for the 20 year video drive.

- You president of the Spirit Committee?

- I am the whole Spirit Committee.

- Well then, you're gonna wanna guard this drive, then.

You know how many people asked me to erase what they said?

A lot of embarrassing stuff on this bad boy.

Whoa! All right, well-- - What?

- That's one way to show some spirit.

Like I said, watch over that baby.

And don't let anybody give you a hard time, all right?

- Okay.

[rock music]

[laughter]

- Lookin' good.

- I'm gonna miss that face of yours.

? ?

- [groans]

And so it shall be.

- Hey, Gina said you were looking for me.

- What are you doing? - Trying to see

if I can tell what snack I'm eating just by taste.

Almonds are weird if you don't know they're coming.

- And that requires my help why?

- It doesn't.

I'm just feeling really bummed out

about my fight with Alexis and...

I needed my two best friends.

- Hey.

- Okay, before you freak,

I swear I'm not "Parent Trapping" you guys.

- Then what's going on?

- I called you both here because I need

your advice on--

uh--

Okay, fine! I'm "Parent Trapping" you guys.

- Damn it, Cassie. - Okay, well, let's just--

let's just hear her out. - You two have been

on the same page basically your whole lives.

Tonight you got off it.

I know I encouraged both of you

to tell the other one your romantic feelings

for each other, so my bad.

But you need to stop being stupid

and go back to being friends again.

- Okay, fine. Yeah.

- No. Not fine.

I can never take back what I said

and you can never take back your non-reaction.

Maybe someday we can be friends, but...

right now it's just too painful,

so I'm gonna go. - No, stay.

Uhh, I'll go.

You guys enjoy the rest of your night.

- Wait, Fig.

[sighs]

Deanna, I'm sorry. I shoulda never said anything.

Ever, at all.

Like, I should take a vow of silence

and live out the rest of my days as a monk.

- No. It's my fault.

If I didn't keep things so bottled up inside tonight,

it would not have been this much of a shit show.

Maybe this is a good lesson for you.

Just talk to Alexis. - I don't know what to say.

- Well, it's a good thing you have me to help you.

- Okay. What's your plan?

? ?

- Uhh, excuse me, Bryce?

You wanna come back here and put that where it belongs?

What'd we say? The first rule of Grad Night

is we leave the Rec Center just like we found it.

- You know what? No.

- No? - Yeah.

And you know why?

Uh, because there is no way that that is

the first rule of Grad Night.

And even if it were,

I am sick of your rules, man.

This, the sneaker thing-- I lied, by the way.

I am not over it.

And all that bullshit earlier with Mrs. Lewis--

- Wait a minute, did you say-- did you say something

about my--about my wife? - Yeah. Yeah, I did.

All that crap about, like,

it's not lifeguard unless you're in the chair.

Gotta sit in the chair.

Be in that chair. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

- You're out of line, son.

- No, you're out of line.

Your wife is sweet and insightful

and impossibly gorgeous.

And that's how you treat her? - I'm gonna need you to hold on

because none of this-- - Hey, you know what?

I'm not the only one who's sick of your rules.

Candlelit dinners are a fire hazard?

That woman deserves candlelight three meals a day.

- Did she say something to you?

- No, I just--

Yeah, I--

I just--I just guessed.

I'm gonna pick this up, now.

We on the same page? Feel like we're on the same page.

- What is wrong with these kids?

- Okay, great.

This is so liberating. - Shh!

Even the faintest whisper can be heard.

- [scoffs] Come on.

? ?

Where's the gonger? Oh, there it is.

- What?

- You should do it.

After all, it was your idea to get naked.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Thanks!

- Okay, this is the last spin.

You promised. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, I guess that's it, so--

- Come on. Let's put this to bed.

[light music]

? ?

Worth the wait?

- Eh.

B, B-.

- Ah! Asshole! - [laughs]

- Gosh! Okay, now that that's behind us, friends?

[door opens] [gasps]

- Ah! - Aww, that's adorable.

Didn't hear me come in, huh?

Guess you two were too busy playing kissy birds.

[laughs]

- Oh, my God. - Oh, my God, oh, my God!

? ?

[gong ringing] [rock music]

- [squeals]

- Run! - Ah!

[rock music]

- Gimme that! Lyssee!

- Thanks! - Roni!

- [sighs] You know what?

Screw what people think.

Whoo! Streaking!

- Look at it this way:

maybe we're never supposed to find her.

Maybe she's just there to symbolize that

somewhere out there, there's a woman for all of us.

- Please stop talking

? ?

- Styme, why is she naked?

- I don't know. Why don't you ask her?

- [clears throat] Hi.

Why are you naked?

- I figured it was time.

- Time for what?

? ?

- Happy graduation, boys.

- Oh, my God. It's her.

- Shh.

- It's her! It's her! It's her!

- Naked graduate, coming through.

both: Hi.

- Wow. - Right back at you.

- Hey, Fig.

I'd ask how it went with Roni,

but it looks like you're leaving.

- Yeah, um--let's just say

tonight's been an exercise in soul-crushing futility.

You? - Pretty eye-opening.

I kinda got something going with Melinda Weems.

- Oh. Didn't she get kicked out?

- Yeah, she had to leave early. And it turns out

she's leaving for college early, too.

- I'm sorry, that-- that sucks, man.

- No, no, no. We'll figure something out.

I mean, sure, the odds aren't exactly in our favor.

But I'll think of something.

- If you say so. - I do say so.

- I just need to figure out a way to make enough money

so she doesn't have to work this summer, you know?

Do I sound insane? - No.

No, no you sound optimistic.

And you should be.

I mean, unless you've been explicitly

and brutally rejected like me,

there's always a chance.

- Yeah, well, thanks, Fig.

Then again, what the hell do I know?

See you in 20 years. Maybe.

[rock music]

- Hey!

Hey, get out of there!

That room is off limits to students.

What are you doing? - [laughs]

Burning this mother to the ground.

- Oh, no you're not. - [laughs]

- Don't tell anyone.

Doors don't open for 30 minutes.

? ?

DEANNA: Where will I be in 20 years?

Ideally, attending parties slightly more fun

than being locked in a gym all night.

I guess I don't know where I'll be,

but I know I won't forget everyone that I met here.

- No. No, no, no, no, no.

This isn't good. This is not good.

- Come on, they're just a bunch of stupid videos.

How bad could it be?

- Trust me, pretty God damn bad.

? ?

[rock music]

? ?

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