Original subtitles

WOMAN: Previously on "All Night"...

- I'm coming out! Yes, I'm gay.

- Did you know she was gonna come out via karaoke?

- Nope.

It was a total surprise.

- Yeah, I cheated. - Roni Sweetzer's effing single.

- You bailed on me.

- The alcohol has runneth dry. Will you join me?

- The booze shall be Shanghai'd.

- Veronica, can I talk to you for a second?

- Yeah.

That's why ultimately

I had to ask Lyssee to stop buying me bras.

- Yeah, makes sense.

- I heard it swelled up to the size of a butternut squash.

Way to go, dick-breaker.

- Oh, no, I didn't break--I didn't.

- I believe you.

- Lesson learned. Do not piss off Roni Sweetzer.

Psycho.

- Excuse me, I wasn't the one to break Oz's penis.

- Yeah, sure, dick-breaker.

- Hey!

Don't listen to those idiots.

Here, sit.

- Thanks.

I just can't believe after four years

of impeccable words, deeds,

and style choices my legacy is breaking a guy's penis,

that--that I didn't even get to break.

- Don't stress about it. You never have to see

any of these people again after tonight.

- What are you making over there anyway?

- Let's just say it's a little something from your past.

- Fancy.

- Voila. - Thanks.

- Bring back any memories?

All right, I'll give you a hint.

Lead actress's name rhymes with Sarah-Jessica Schmarker.

- Virgin Cosmo.

[laughs]

Were you at my "Sex and the City" birthday party?

- You played the entire movie.

Yeah, and it's rated "R" for strong sexual content.

My mom was horrified.

- She sounds very conservative.

- In her defense, we were seven.

- I was a very mature seven.

- I remember there were

some crushed raspberries in there, too,

but the raspberry selection in this place

is pretty pathetic, so--

- Wow. Most guys wouldn't remember a detail like that.

- Guess I'm not most guys.

Sorry, that was so cheesy.

- Do you maybe want to hang out more later?

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Cool.

- Make sure we have plenty of towels

around the Jell-O pit.

We don't want a slippage situation,

and speaking of slippage,

ladies, please double-knot those bikini tops.

I went to Yale.

[sighs]

- Deanna, there you are. Listen to this.

- You know, I think

I might've started drinking coffee too young.

What if it stunted my growth?

What if I was supposed to be 5'11" like my grandmother?

- But didn't she have, like, some pituitary thing

that made the--Listen,

you're never gonna believe what just happened.

I don't believe what just happened.

- Well, then just tell me. - Roni Sweetzer.

- Yeah? - I talked to her,

and it wasn't just like, "Hey."

No, it was the greatest 14- minute conversation of my life.

- You timed it? - Yeah, she's amazing.

She's smart. She's funny.

She's a good listener, and I could be wrong,

but I think she likes me too.

How cool is that?

- What do you want me to say?

- I don't know, that you're happy for me?

- I can't do that. - Come on, Deanna.

You know how I feel about her.

- I like you, Fig.

I mean, I like-like you. - Oh, wow.

- Yeah, wow, and I love that we're best friends,

but if we're this great as friends,

then why not see if there's another level to it?

I mean, I know you think Roni is this phenomenal person,

but can't you see this is just you settling again?

- I--I don't know what to say.

- Say you feel the same way.

Fine. Got it.

- Deanna-- - No, it's cool.

Really. Asked and answered.

- '80s Jell-O wrestling. '80s Jell-O wrestling.

- I'm gonna go.

- See, she gets it.

It's happening.

WOMAN: ? Friends ?

? Friends with me ?

- Okay, the whole school will be at Jell-O wrestling, right?

That's when we strike, right?

Now, I found a path to Saperstein's car

with plenty of cover,

but you're sure about this super-secret escape route

out of the building?

- Super-secret? It's a window, not a spy tunnel.

- [laughing] Oh, okay.

Shade from the valedictorian. That's okay. I like it.

- Just saying, it's, you know--

- Fig-man.

What's going on, man? How'd it go?

- Uh--Hey. How'd what go? Hey.

- Hi.

- Roni. You were gonna talk to her.

- Oh, yeah, we did talk.

It was--It was great, yeah.

- Yeah? And? - We're gonna hang out later.

I think--I think we really made a connection.

- Nice. Then why do you look like somebody

strangled your puppy?

- Sorry.

A friend of mine just dropped something sort of huge on me,

and I guess I'm a little distracted.

- Then you better get undistracted.

Dude, this is your chance.

You still got, like, half of Grad Night left.

- Mr. Lewis, what's crack-a-lacking?

Having a fun Grad Night?

- Nope.

My fun Grad Night was 20 years ago.

- Yeah, I bet it was dope A-F,

a legend like you.

Hell, they got your jacket

in the trophy case in the front hall.

- Yeah, they do, don't they? I did all right.

- See, that's why I got to be talking to a guy like you.

I saw you with that other lifeguard.

- My wife. - Quite a catch.

Hey, you wouldn't happen to have any tips for a noob

like myself

to get a girl like that, would you?

- You got somebody you're trying to impress?

- Yeah.

You probably wouldn't know her though.

We're in mock trial together.

You know what they say,

"Decorum in the courtroom, da boinkin' in the bedroom."

- If you say so. - So you and Mrs. Lewis,

how'd you lock that down? Got any tips?

- Well, you came to the right place then.

What you got to do is you got to focus,

really focus, on what your lady likes.

Now, mine for example,

she enjoys a nice mid-shelf bottle of tequila.

- Really? - Whoo, it drives her wild.

I mean, of course it's been a while, but our Grad Night

was the two of us with a bottle,

and we just--uh. You know,

I know you're technically not a student here anymore,

but let's just forget this conversation happened.

- Consider it deleted, sir. - Great.

Hey, Bryce, I'm glad we got to talk.

I know that whole sneaker business in class,

you were pretty upset.

- What? No, sir, if anything, you taught me a big lesson.

- Good. Carry on.

- Just not as big as the one you're

about to learn, shit-pile.

- Hi. - Hi.

- That has to be the first time you've ever talked

to Tina Lupecki.

- Yeah, and apparently she thinks

I'm one of the bravest people ever.

- Yeah, I hear Joan of Arc's karaoke

was nothing compared to yours.

Anyway, people sure are into you now.

- Into us. Amazing, right? - Well, it's different.

- Look, I know sneaking around was really fun before,

but this is gonna be even better, maybe even hotter too.

- What do you mean?

- I might've signed us up for a little '80s Jell-O wrestling.

- I'm already wrestling with Deanna.

- I signed us all up.

Consider this your sweet and sticky victory lap.

- Victory for who? - You'll love it.

I'm gonna go get ready.

- Okay. BRYCE: Tequila.

I need it, as much as you've got, preferably middle-shelf.

- Really? You need some thing from your life-ruiner?

- Okay, I'm sorry I said that.

Please, I need this.

- I'm sorry. I didn't hear that.

Would you mind repeating it?

- Fine. I need this.

- See, I'm still not convinced.

You know what? Maybe you could do it again,

but this time, say it like a robot.

- What? - You heard me.

- Fine.

I need this. I need this.

- Does that sound like a robot to you?

- What's that?

- [robotically] I need this. I need this.

- You know, I think the lady

would like robot movements, too, right?

- Oh, yes, the lady would.

- Not in front of the honies.

both: Yes, in front of the honies.

- [robotically] I need this. I need this.

- Maybe we could get some sound effects.

- Boop. Boop. Boo-boop. Bzzt. Bzzt.

- All right, fine. Fine.

Meet us in the wardrobe closet in 30.

[upbeat music]

- Thank you.

? ?

- Hey.

Who's ready to get weird?

What's wrong?

- I told him. - Oh, my God, and?

Deanna.

- You were right. I waited too long to say something,

and now all I've done is just screw up our friendship.

- Hey, you don't know that. - Trust me.

It's screwed, and what kills me the most is now

he actually believes all that bullshit

that he's built up in his head about Roni.

How am I supposed to compete with that?

- You shouldn't have to. Come here.

I'm sorry.

- Hey, guys.

- All dressed up for action, I see.

- And ready to rumble.

You're going down.

- Then who's Deanna gonna wrestle?

- Oh, my God, the '80s are, like, my spirit animal.

- You look so cute.

- How's my butt look? - Oh, yes.

- Yeah? - Yes.

? ?

- No eye gouging. No fish hooking. No motor boating.

No top hatting, whatever that means,

and absolutely no shoving of Jell-O in any orifice.

As many of you remember, two years later, Toni O'Grady

is still deaf in one ear.

Any questions? No?

Good. Go.

- Thanks.

How did you know the latch in that window was busted?

- I tutor here on weekends.

Last Saturday, this girl, Amelia,

told me she was going to the bathroom,

but she ended up sneaking out this window

and never came back.

I mean, I billed her parents anyway.

It's not my fault their kid's an idiot.

- You're kind of twisted, aren't you?

- Kind of.

- You ready to roll? - Let's get it on.

Stick with the plan.

You know, let's get the plan part.

People say that, right?

- "Shart?" That's not a name.

That's a gastrointestinal mishap.

But mark my words, when I leave this place tomorrow,

my name will be legend.

- And we were both in Mr. Wagner's chem class,

only Fig was in sixth period, and I was in third period.

Can you imagine if we'd been in the same class?

- No, because I don't remember what Fig's face looks like.

All I see are shapes.

- And we're not thinking this is all super fast?

- More like super fateful.

Destiny is calling.

What am I going to do, let it go to voice mail?

- Roni never listens to her voice mail.

- It's true. I don't.

Besides, have you heard the nicknames I'm getting?

- "Bone breaker, banana basher,

pencil snapper, that angry bitch."

- Thanks, Lyssee.

See? I can't have that.

I want to end my high school career on a heartwarming note.

Once people find out I'm with

Fig, he's a total dark horse candidate.

- Wouldn't have been my choice. - It'll be like

Oz and his busted genitals never even happened.

- But they did happen, and you cared a lot about him.

You need to mourn and just not jump into something else.

- Guys, I'm good. I promise.

Did you not hear the chem class story?

MAN: Welcome to Jell-O wrestling.

First up, Nino Clemente.

- Come on. Who wants to wrestle, huh?

Who's man enough or fe-man enough to take me on?

- Come on, someone challenge the man slaughterer.

- Yeah, how about you, buddy?

- No, I can't. I have a weird knee thing. It's weird.

- All right, how about this? 50 bucks.

80 bucks. 80 bucks and a watch.

- You can keep your cash and your watch, Nino Clemente,

'cause you're gonna need them to wipe your tears

after I kick your ass.

- Ladies and gentlemen, we have a challenger.

- Yeah, that's right.

You and every other mouth-breathing d-bag

and a-hole in this place

have bullied me for the last time,

and once Nino has been vanquished,

you will all know me by name,

Gerald Gene Bottom Jr.

[laughter]

Come on, guys. I'm trying to--

ALL: Ooh.

MAN: And the shirts are coming off.

- Aw, fudge.

- This is crazy.

I've never done anything like this before.

- Well, except when you provided alcohol

for 150 minors.

- Right.

Look at me. I'm a repeat offender.

Okay, let's go.

- You know, frankly I'm surprised someone like you

would take this kind of risk.

- College is expensive, and I need at least

another three grand for my first semester at Cornell,

and that doesn't include my books.

- Well, I guess we better get that booze in, right?

- All right, let's go.

? ?

- Oh, that's a lot of books. Come on.

? ?

- Mom. I'm at work. - Shit.

- How're we gonna get back in?

- Maybe he's just passing through.

- A permanent post. Yep.

- Oh, no, he's got a hoagie.

- Well, if he's got chips and a cookie, too,

we could be here for a while.

- Is there are a lighter or something?

I have an idea.

? ?

- What the Hell?

Hey!

Uh-oh, we got a fire in the faculty parking lot.

Repeat, there's a fire in the faculty parking lot.

- Okay! Okay, I understand now that I've made a huge mistake,

so I'm just gonna ask super nicely. Please don't whack me.

- Whack you? Why would you think that?

- Because you have a certain reputation around here,

okay--ow-ow-ow--but I can help you change that.

- How? - Take a dive.

- You think anybody will buy that?

- Yes, if we choreograph it right.

Watch this.

MAN: Oh, my God, the tables might be turning.

- Now, I am going to grab your left leg.

I'm gonna lift it up,

and I'm gonna throw you down into a dragon suplex.

- Kick my ass.

- Behold!

I am Gerald Gene Bottom Jr.!

- Way to go, Shart. - We have a winner.

ALL: [chanting] Shart! Shart! Shart! Shart!

[cheers and applause]

MAN: Next up is Alexis and Roni versus Cassie and Deanna.

- Nice. Primo viewing angle.

My friend, I have a feeling

cosplay_queen_7 is as good as found.

- I can't wait to tell my grandchildren this story.

- I'm just gonna say this one last time.

We don't have to do this.

- Yes, I do. - You're upset.

You're disappointed. I get that,

but wouldn't it be better

to channel your emotions into, like, a poem?

- Screw poems. I need to get angry.

Are you with me? - Fine.

- Let's kick some ass.

MAN: It's the ultimate tag team

Jell-O wrestling matchup, the '80s

Ladies versus the Miami Grannies.

- Whoo! Go Ro--in the Jell-O, everyone.

MAN: Let's get it on.

- Let's go, dick-breaker.

- Oh, that's how it's gonna be.

MAN: Roni Sweetzer, not happy at all.

Ooh. And the wigs are off.

Now that's some Jell-O to the face.

This is just too good.

And over on the other side of the ring,

these two seem to be more lovers than fighters.

- Go, C-lexis. It was either that or "A-ssie."

- Go, team gay! Let's see her get down and dirty.

- Look, the crowd loves us. - Cassie, help me.

MAN: Deanna is pinned for sure.

- Not really my priority right now.

MAN: It's an all-out battle!

- Alexis, help.

- Hey, hey. I think I see something.

Is that the holy grail?

- No, it's just Jell-O. Everything's Jell-O.

Wait, I have a confirmed sighting. No grail on Roni.

- Ditto. Ditto on Alexis. Sweet.

- Roni, you're a warrior princess.

- Come on. - Get off her.

- Alexis is my hero. - This isn't the WWE.

- Get her, rod-ruiner. - Come on. Break it up.

- Get them, peni-crusher. MAN: Oh, what is this?

[yells indistinctly]

- Now you can call me "peni-crusher."

- Well, that was a shit parade.

- That would be disparaging to shit parades.

I think I have three pounds of Jell-O in me,

and none of it went in orally.

- Sorry I threw you in the ring with Roni.

Girl obviously has some rage issues.

- Yeah, no kidding.

Maybe Fig can help her with that

while they're off riding into the sunset together.

- I heard about that. So I'm guessing--

- Yeah.

Let's just say today is not my day.

- I'm really sorry, Deanna.

- Thanks.

- Sure.

- Ooh, turkey.

Can I have some?

- That was the plan. - So Jell-O wrestling,

never doing that again.

- Why not? Seemed like you had fun.

- Is that so terrible?

I did, and the people loved it.

- I didn't.

- I know. I'm sorry.

I thought wrestling would be

something fun for us to do together,

but Roni was crazy.

- Yeah.

- Let's do something you want to do,

your pick, whatever you want.

- I should go check on Deanna. - Right.

She's upset. I'm sure she wants to talk to you.

It's always good to talk stuff out.

- Yeah. Yeah, totally.

? ?

- Gin?

- Yeah, with the clear liquors on the right.

You know what? Toss that weird green bottle.

Nobody's gonna want wasabi-flavored vodka.

- I think you're giving our classmates way too much credit.

- Maybe I just want to keep it for myself.

- Dude, I was so sure we were gonna get busted out there.

That thing with the rum

and the lighter, are you a secretly trained assassin?

- Like I would tell you.

Thank you for your help.

Once I sell all of this,

I can spend the night finally having some fun, you know?

- I'm glad, because of everyone here tonight, Melinda,

you deserve it.

- I've got cash. Where's the tequila?

- Great.

One bottle of medium-shelf tequila is 60 bucks.

Thank you, and tell your friends

that I'm setting up shop here until I sell out.

Password's "Fidelio," right, business partner?

- Uh, right.

You know, I think I'm gonna wrangle some customers.

- Sounds like a plan.

[upbeat music]

? ?

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0