Original subtitles

ANNOUNCER: Previously, on "All Night"...

- I just have one last word for the class of 2018.

Party!

- For every person out there,

tonight's their last night to run this place,

their last night to find love.

CASSIE: Back to you and Fig.

Come on, make a move already.

Time to take a chance.

- Cosplay_queen_7.

Internet goddess, you have eluded us thus far.

And tonight, we will find you.

- This is supposed to be the beginning of our life together.

What if it's the beginning of us drifting apart?

- Oh, my God, Cas, there you are.

- I do not understand this friendship.

- She's fun.

? ?

- Maybe you just wanna window shop it?

- How much?

- I wouldn't have thought this was your scene.

- You know what'd make it more my scene? A drink.

- I've got a stash in the basement.

? ?

- [gasp] What the hell?

[door clanging]

- Oh, shit.

- This grad party's gonna be everything.

- Where will I be in 20 years?

Ideally, attending parties slightly more fun

than being locked in the gym all night.

- I refuse to believe that this is the last time

that everyone will be together.

My friends and I have been through everything together,

and you just can't replace that.

I don't even feel like things will be fun next year

because I won't be experiencing them

with Alexis and Roni, but...

Nope... [laughs]

This question is really sad.

I don't like this.

- I guess I don't know where I'll be,

but I know I won't forget everyone that I met here.

There's something special about the people

who watched you become a person.

- Premieres, press junkets,

volunteering so everyone can see how grounded I am

in spite of my fame.

I'll be way too busy for my high school reunion.

- Ever notice how everyone thinks they're gonna be

something amazing in 20 years?

Let's be real.

There are nine future plumbers in our class.

They just don't know it yet.

Or maybe we just don't know it yet.

- Honestly, president.

- President. - Maybe president.

- Maybe President. - And maybe President.

- Help!

This is pointless.

The speakers are just gonna drown us out anyway.

Nice job.

- Me nice job? You nice job.

I had an exit strategy.

- What?

- A tiny piece of folded cardboard

wedged in the door to keep it open.

- Great plan, you're practically an architect.

Locked in a soundproof basement--

this is literally the beginning of, like, a 100 slasher movies.

- Just to be clear, you locked us in.

I didn't lock us in,

which is like the beginning of, like a 100 pornos,

you freaking sexual predator!

- Oh, you watch a lot of porn, huh?

Big surprise.

- Why did you come down here?

Just to ruin my night?

- To spend quality time with my locker buddy.

To get a drink.

It's the only way to make this lame night

with these lame people that go to this school

even remotely palatable.

- You are so unbelievably self-involved.

- You know what would make my night better?

- What? - If you would stop talking.

- No problem!

- I should not have taken that Claritin before I left.

Let's put it on lock-down.

- Hold up, we got one more coming.

Is that...

- Nino Clemente.

- Nino Clemente-- wasn't he expelled for, what,

attempted manslaughter?

- Mr. Clemente.

What are you, like, 20 years old by now?

- I happened to get my GED from this very school system.

So, it looks like...

this is my graduation party too.

What, no congratulations?

I distinctly remember you telling me

that you wished I would graduate.

- Already.

I wish you'd graduate already.

[exciting rock music]

- So, you gonna let me in or what?

- Give me your phone.

What's one more loon in the asylum?

- I'm a changed man, I promise.

- Nino, you've been out of here for a while.

Why do you wanna go back in there?

- 12-hour party?

This night has the potential to be epic.

People still say epic, right?

- Sure.

? ?

- Oz and I want four kids.

Atticus, Athena, Duchess, and Kyle--

our happy little accident.

So, we'll be pretty busy,

what with Athena going through puberty,

and Duchess needing braces.

[sighs]

Oz is going to make such a great father.

Did he say I was going to make a great mom?

- Maybe at a lake.

I like lakes.

- We're so in love, it's crazy.

- D, whoa, what happened to you?

- Stupid Jonas spilled on me,

right as Fig and I were about to kiss.

- So, it's on?

- More like on adjacent.

I made fun of the way he kisses,

and when he was defending himself,

I dared him to kiss me.

- Sweetie, sixth grade boys have better game than that.

- [sigh] Yeah, well, kids grow up faster now.

- [laugh]

Suspect number one has entered Themyscira. Over.

- [grunting softly]

[squeaking]

- My pants are soaked.

- Okay, I know we were making fun of Roni and them

for bringing multiple outfits,

but I will say that might've been helpful here.

Oh, sorry, that one's for Alexis.

- Oh, of course it is.

Forgot you replaced me.

- Just because I have friends other than you

doesn't mean you've been replaced.

You and I have the same shoe size.

That counts for a lot.

- Cute.

- Come on, you know I love you.

- Bra cocktail love me?

- You can have a sip of mine.

- It's fine.

[dryer whirring]

[rock music]

? ?

- Themyscira is in sight.

[dryer whirring]

Cosplay_queen_7, reveal yourself.

In three, two,

one...

[farting noises, grunting]

[toilet flushing]

Abort mission! Abort mission!

- Oh, my God, what's up, man?

Nice glasses. How you doing? Okay.

Hey, I like the sweater vest.

Bryce.

Oh, my God, the fortune teller told me I would

encounter someone from my past.

- Nino Clemente. How are you?

- Great, I got my GED,

I'm officially a high school graduate--

which is why I wanna thank you, because I would not be partying

here tonight if it wasn't for your beautiful tutoring skills.

- Wait, why are you partying here?

Do you know anyone?

You haven't set foot in the school in years.

- Exactly.

I missed out on all the regular high school crap,

so I'm here with a plan.

I'm gonna pack everything I missed into one night

like streaking down the football field

and flashing the principal.

- So, your goal is to be a registered sex offender?

- No, I'm here to pass out drunk

and have a dick drawn all over my face.

I'm here to get carried off the court

after nailing a buzzer beater, you know?

I wanna walk down the hall in slow motion.

I wanna bang the prom queen--

with her consent, of course.

- You realize that the prom queen

is not necessarily the token hot girl.

Uh, people want it to mean something.

Last year, the prom queen was an endangered species.

- What about this year?

- Token hot girl.

- Nice.

But the point is, I'm turning over a new leaf

and I am here to shed my slightly unsavory reputation.

- That you manslaughtered someone?

- Attempted.

Allegedly.

Oh, prank the mascot. That's on the list.

I'm coming for you, shark!

Oh yeah.

I'm gonna be a campus legend!

- Bounce house? What are we, nine?

- Ninja kick!

- Yeah? I'll show you a ninja kick.

Yeah.

- Awful. Zero ninja-ness.

That was literally a ballet.

- Ballet is a beautiful and graceful art form,

so thank you.

- This is way too much fun.

We need to start jumping on your trampoline again.

Ooh, there's somewhere to bounce.

- Yeah, you know,

I've been thinking about this summer too,

and there's actually something that I wanted to--

- [grunts] Parkour, huh?

- Yeah, parkour.

- Jesus, what happened up there?

- I'm done.

I saw things a man should never see.

Things I can't un-see ever. - Like what? Talk to me.

- No, talking about it is like seeing it with my mouth.

- Wait, so that's it?

One minor setback and you're ready to call off the dogs?

Look at me.

Need I remind you of the

green and yellow spandex outfit?

Cosplay_queen_7 goes beyond her wardrobe.

Beyond even her brilliant theories about

all of our favorite comics.

She is perfection,

and I'm going on with plan B

with or without you.

[inspiring music]

Let's do this.

? ?

[exciting rock music]

? ?

- What's up, shark?

Pranked! [laughs]

- [muffled] That's funny, oh, that's funny stuff.

Yeah, high five, for sure.

[weak laugh] Super funny.

All right. Have a good one.

Super funny.

Oh, and super original too!

Never has somebody thought to make that joke!

Did they teach you to be that clever at night school, buddy?

This is the last time I will be known as the shark.

Tonight...

[pants] It's Gerald time.

- Hey, can you still not somersault?

- I could if I felt like it.

So, back to what I was trying to say--

- [chanting] Somersault. Somersault.

Somersault.

- [grunts] Oh. - Wow.

- [laughs] Crushed it.

- You did, 100%.

- This is what's so great about us.

We know each other so well.

I mean, you know that I can't do a somersault,

I know that you're still scared about

that penny you swallowed that never came out.

- Ugh. - And...

Over the years, I've come to realize that--

- Whoa!

Oops, sorry, dude.

- You guys are such pervs.

You just wanna watch my boobs bounce.

[mellow music]

? ?

- In 20 years, I'm not gonna be working

at my mom's pizza joint.

I'm gonna own my mom's pizza joint.

Picture this.

You're walking, you sniff the air.

Pizza? But I'm in the club.

How could both things be?

Exactly.

Yes, we are gonna have pizza,

but we are also gonna have models,

lights, kale, fresh mozz,

dance floors, bottle service.

Hoo-hoo-hoo.

- CEO of a Fortune 500 company,

no question.

And Mr. Lewis will still be a has-been,

jagoff, life-ruining so-called coach

living with the knowledge that I made

ferocious love to his wife.

I've got 11 hours left in Grad Night.

Mrs. Lewis, I'm here for you, girl.

[clicks tongue]

- [grunting]

Pfft.

Hey, where'd you go?

- Too much testosterone in there.

I'm gonna go do that 20 year video thing.

- 20 years later, the journey begins in Berlin.

From there, wherever adventure takes me--

caves, mountains, artifacts.

- Yup. That is my exact situation.

Taking a gap year before college

is the same exact thing as being Indiana Jones.

You know, you could still come to Germany with me.

- Deanna.

- We've talked about traveling after graduation

since we were, like, nine.

- I had a lot of crazy ideas when I was nine,

and one of them was amazing.

- Fig, you did not come up with the idea for Etsy.

- Agree to disagree.

But besides, I'm going to school.

- They'll hold your place.

I mean, don't you wanna see just

a tiny bit of the rest of world first?

- Occidental's a good ten minutes away from here.

That's, like, a whole different freeway exit away.

Hey, go do the video, I'll catch up with you later, okay?

[soft guitar music]

? ?

- Sorry, Mahmoud, that was my last one.

I'm all sold out.

Sorry, guys, I'm all sold out!

Sorry.

- Hey!

What's up? - There you are.

Foosball tournament in the game room.

Loser's gotta donate 50 bucks to the Sierra Club.

Winner should too. Our world's precious.

[exciting rock music]

? ?

- Here you are, my lady.

- Oh, this is wet.

? ?

- As soon as Roni bounced in,

it was like the universe was telling me

hey, Deanna, how about you shut your dumb mouth and

while you're at it, stop wearing his shirt like a hug.

- You have very specific

conversations with the universe.

- He wants Roni and her stupid Jessica Rabbit dress

that looks amazing.

I don't know, maybe we just aren't meant to be together.

- Except you still totally feel like you are.

- Yeah. - Cas, oh, my God.

Major Grad Night emergency. - What happened?

- There's no way Lyssee and I are bounce housing sober.

Do you have anymore alcohol in your boobs?

- [clears throat]

- No, and these are my actual breasts.

- Oh, wow, good for you.

Well, I'm a girl on a mission, so...

[high heels clacking]

- She's not as bad as you think.

- A few months ago, you called those girls

the shallow end.

And you get assigned lab partners with her,

and all of a sudden you're a part of Roni's little gang

of minions and hanging out with Alexis 24/7?

Wait.

Do you have a crush on her?

- So, now you're the straight girl who thinks

all gay people wanna do their friends?

- Cassie.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said any of that.

I just...

I'm freaking out, I mean,

we've done everything together for the past ten years

and this is our last hoorah, and it really bums me out that

you're spending time with someone else.

- D, this is so not our last hoorah.

We have a veritable cornucopia of hoorahs.

- I love hoorahs.

- I know you do.

[soft music]

Wow.

You're right, this shirt is hella soft.

- Right?

- Um, this is where they're doing caricatures?

- Surprise.

I'm being spontaneous.

- Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[stammers] Um, just slow down.

- But I love you,

and I want you.

- Do you think they put out the pizza yet?

I'll pick off all your olives.

- I'm not hungry...

For pizza.

- Look, Roni, we don't want all the veggie to be gone

before it's too late.

- Oz, I know things have been crazy busy lately.

And obviously, we wanna spend as much time with our friends

before everyone goes to different schools.

But I miss spending time together.

Alone together.

- No, I-I totally get that, just--

- Great, so now spontaneously grab my butt

and let's do this thing.

- Okay, no, stop, Roni. I don't want this.

[Blues Saraceno's "All Fired Up" playing]

WOMAN: ? Make me feel so good ?

? Gonna make you mine ?

? Feel so good ?

? I'm gonna make you mine ?

- In 20 years, I may actually need a boner pill.

But tonight,

purely recreational.

Hello, ladies of the marching band.

- 20 years?

Patriarchy toppled.

- Picture this.

Me poolside, models all around,

sipping my morning brew out of my World's Best Dad mug--

a title in which I plan to take very, very seriously.

- 20 years from now, I know where I definitely won't be.

My reunion.

- Is it me?

Am I a hideous monster?

- You're gorgeous. You're an angel.

I'd honestly pay $1,000 to have lost my virginity to you,

instead of prick-faced Eric Chen.

- [sigh]

I just don't get it.

We used to be so in sync.

I know it's crazy to actually

meet your soul mate in high school,

but Oz and I have talked about it

and we both feel that way.

Why does he keep rejecting me?

- Are you sure you're not just being too sensitive?

I mean, I doubt he's straight up rejecting you.

- He said, I don't want this.

- That can mean anything.

- Ever think you might be overlooking the obvious?

- Which is?

- He makes a big show about dating

the hottest girl in school,

then when it's time to get physical, he makes excuses.

He's gay.

- No offense, Cas,

but Oz is the 360 degree opposite of gay.

- You did say he doesn't whisper to your goddess.

- Because of his sinuses.

- What about them?

- I don't know, sinus stuff.

I didn't grill him about it. It's called trust.

- Oz does get his hair cut every three weeks to the day.

And even that lip balm he uses--

you can't find that at CVS.

[gasp]

He brushes his teeth after lunch at school.

- I think you're just describing hygiene.

- Yeah, plus it's only the last five weeks

that we haven't been doing stuff.

I mean, we used to be so in sync.

Something changed.

- Maybe he's tired of pretending.

- No way.

Oz and Roni are gonna have the hottest,

filthiest sex ever tonight.

- Yeah, Lys, but what about his friend Mark from camp?

- Wow, this is the least I have ever hated Oz.

- He's not gay.

People have friends from camp.

But if he is, which he is totally not...

- Okay. - I need to know it now.

- You go, girl.

[L.A. Kid's "Act As If" playing]

? ?

- ? You were an L. A. kid ?

? You were fighting hard ?

[muffled music continues]

- Hey.

- What?

- Brought something for you.

- What is it?

- A peace offering.

[muffled music]

? ?

- I only drink clear liquors, and that looks gray.

- Don't be a snob,

you are clearly in need of some alcohol.

Look, I figure as long as that music is playing upstairs

that speaker will make sure nobody can hear us.

And this is an all-night dance.

- Your optimism is invigorating.

- So, we either stand here on these

ergonomically awful stairs not talking,

or we can try to make the most of it and hang out.

Look, before you say no,

I gotta tell you I'm pretty darn palatable.

Besides, your only other option for company

is Henry the CPR dummy.

- I do not like Henry.

[muffled music]

To maybe slightly salvaging this night.

- Here's to that.

Come on down to the main lounge.

- Ooh, there's a main lounge?

- There is now.

Now, I know it's not exactly a hot club downtown,

- We'll call it a warehouse party.

- Can I ask you something maybe bizarre?

You know what? You won't remember anyway, forget it.

- No, what is it?

- No, it's stupid, never mind.

But you know what isn't stupid?

- That you stashed the alcohol down here?

- That I stashed the alcohol down here.

- Okay, the jack-o'-lantern might be

my favorite thing here so far.

- Thank you. Thank you for the compliment.

- Oh, thank you.

- Ah. - Whoo!

- Okay. [laughs]

? ?

Hey. Come here.

? ?

Hey, I have to say,

that was some valedictorian-level

brilliance in the yearbooks.

You totally played the long con on Saperstein.

- I do feel bad about Saperstein.

She's such a good friend.

But college is expensive, and--

- Wait, are you the yearbook chick?

Thank you so much for being smarter than me.

You truly deserve your valedictatership.

- I'm gonna go walk around.

- What--hang out.

Have a drink with us, I mean,

it's the least we could do.

- You guys drink up, it's a long night.

I'm pacing myself.

- Nah, come on, hang out anyway.

Have a water.

- Besides, we owe you a toast.

Hey guys, guys, guys, come on.

For the valedictorian, huh?

- The future is female.

[cheering]

? ?

- Deanna will be fine. She's a big girl.

She's just overemotional about graduating

and getting blown off by the guy she likes.

- I just feel bad about not spending

enough time with her.

Plus...

The whole lying thing, I just--

- I know.

Thank you for understanding, it's just...

I don't know if I'm ready for everyone to know yet.

? ?

- I get it.

[door creaks, thuds]

? ?

[exciting rock music]

? ?

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