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1
00:00:01,268 --> 00:00:03,869
All right, you may be wondering why
I've gathered both of you here today.
2
00:00:03,904 --> 00:00:06,059
Your email said that there
would be breakfast pastries.
3
00:00:06,122 --> 00:00:07,689
Budgetary constraints.
4
00:00:07,723 --> 00:00:10,292
I've decided it's time for me
to take it to the next level
5
00:00:10,326 --> 00:00:11,459
with my LOML.
6
00:00:11,494 --> 00:00:12,994
- Your what now?
- LOML.
7
00:00:13,028 --> 00:00:14,696
It stands for "love of my life."
8
00:00:14,730 --> 00:00:16,531
I'm trying to make it the next big acronym.
9
00:00:16,565 --> 00:00:18,133
That's gonna be an uphill battle.
10
00:00:18,167 --> 00:00:20,435
Darling, what do you mean by "next level"?
11
00:00:20,469 --> 00:00:22,470
I want to ask Shea to be my girlfriend.
12
00:00:22,505 --> 00:00:23,471
Oh, n-na...
13
00:00:23,506 --> 00:00:24,939
Wha-ha-ha-ha-ha,
ho-ho-ho...
14
00:00:24,974 --> 00:00:26,341
Hold on. Hold on. I don't know...
15
00:00:26,375 --> 00:00:30,211
I don't know if we could
be any happier for you.
16
00:00:30,246 --> 00:00:31,491
- Really?
- Really.
17
00:00:31,541 --> 00:00:32,842
- Really?
- Yeah.
18
00:00:32,876 --> 00:00:34,510
- Go get her.
- Go get her.
19
00:00:34,544 --> 00:00:37,146
Thanks, you guys. I'm
gonna go work on my ask.
20
00:00:38,849 --> 00:00:41,517
What was... what... What was that? Huh?
21
00:00:41,551 --> 00:00:44,053
Because Shea is not who I intend
22
00:00:44,087 --> 00:00:45,554
to be my someday
daughter-in-law.
23
00:00:45,589 --> 00:00:47,156
- What?
- Yeah. No, it could happen.
24
00:00:47,190 --> 00:00:48,424
First they're dating.
25
00:00:48,458 --> 00:00:50,526
Then Marcus is struggling
to pay child support
26
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:51,827
for their unplanned twins.
27
00:00:51,862 --> 00:00:54,130
Job market's crap, and
the next thing you know,
28
00:00:54,164 --> 00:00:57,132
he's had to take a job
modeling to pay the bills.
29
00:00:57,167 --> 00:00:59,802
- He... he does?
- First it's catalog.
30
00:00:59,836 --> 00:01:01,637
But the runway always comes calling.
31
00:01:01,671 --> 00:01:04,607
Shea and Marcus are never going to date.
32
00:01:04,641 --> 00:01:06,509
Shea will never say yes to him.
33
00:01:06,543 --> 00:01:08,043
How do you know that for sure?
34
00:01:08,078 --> 00:01:10,412
(Marcus) Give me an S-H-E...
35
00:01:10,447 --> 00:01:12,214
Give me an A. What does that spell?
36
00:01:12,249 --> 00:01:13,249
[groans]
37
00:01:13,283 --> 00:01:14,683
- Shea!
- Yeah.
38
00:01:14,718 --> 00:01:17,319
His irrepressible joie de vivre
39
00:01:17,354 --> 00:01:19,388
will be wasted on the likes of Shea.
40
00:01:19,423 --> 00:01:23,626
Yup, so why forbid it and
become the bad guy for no reason?
41
00:01:23,660 --> 00:01:25,094
I am brilliant. You're welcome.
42
00:01:25,128 --> 00:01:27,530
So what, we just let him go out
there and get his heart broken?
43
00:01:27,564 --> 00:01:30,399
Look, I don't want the little
dude hurting any more than you do.
44
00:01:30,433 --> 00:01:32,735
You know, but being rejected by a girl
45
00:01:32,769 --> 00:01:34,904
is kind of like a male rite of passage.
46
00:01:34,938 --> 00:01:37,139
Like, it's like going from briefs to boxers
47
00:01:37,174 --> 00:01:39,675
or boxers to boxer-briefs.
48
00:01:39,709 --> 00:01:40,976
Yeah, but he still wears the ones
49
00:01:41,011 --> 00:01:42,611
with the Spider-Man on his bottom.
50
00:01:42,646 --> 00:01:44,613
Trust me on this one, okay?
51
00:01:44,648 --> 00:01:46,048
It's not our job to intervene.
52
00:01:46,082 --> 00:01:47,516
It's our job to be there to comfort him
53
00:01:47,551 --> 00:01:48,717
and to pick up the pieces.
54
00:01:48,752 --> 00:01:50,186
Okay.
55
00:01:50,220 --> 00:01:52,021
I suppose you're right.
56
00:01:52,055 --> 00:01:53,155
I hate saying that.
57
00:01:55,358 --> 00:01:56,792
(singer) Here we go.
58
00:01:56,827 --> 00:01:59,695
[Brett Dennen's Comeback
Kid (That's My Dog)]
59
00:01:59,729 --> 00:02:02,131
Well, maybe it's the common curse
60
00:02:02,165 --> 00:02:04,834
Maybe things get bad
before they get worse
61
00:02:04,868 --> 00:02:07,636
I don't want to become someone
62
00:02:07,671 --> 00:02:11,073
Who can't live up to
what I already done, don't
63
00:02:11,107 --> 00:02:13,409
Here comes a comeback
64
00:02:13,443 --> 00:02:15,878
The kid is back, is back on track
65
00:02:15,912 --> 00:02:18,347
And there goes my hero
66
00:02:18,382 --> 00:02:22,318
He's the underdog, he's
coming out on top, and
67
00:02:22,352 --> 00:02:24,353
Sync and corrections by madhatters
www.addic7ed.com
68
00:02:26,823 --> 00:02:27,890
[knocking on door]
69
00:02:27,924 --> 00:02:28,891
Knock, knock.
70
00:02:28,925 --> 00:02:29,925
- Hello.
- Hey.
71
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:31,861
How are you?
72
00:02:31,895 --> 00:02:33,429
Oh, wait. Did we have plans?
73
00:02:33,463 --> 00:02:35,197
I'm so confused since I switched
74
00:02:35,232 --> 00:02:37,299
from the Jewish calendar
to the lunar calendar.
75
00:02:37,334 --> 00:02:38,501
No, no, no, no, no, no.
We didn't have plans.
76
00:02:38,535 --> 00:02:40,503
Tonight is a huge meteor shower,
77
00:02:40,537 --> 00:02:42,071
and I figure if we leave now,
78
00:02:42,105 --> 00:02:44,940
we have time to get up to my
friend's observatory in Oregon.
79
00:02:44,975 --> 00:02:46,175
Pack your bags.
80
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:47,743
We are going on an adventure, baby.
81
00:02:47,777 --> 00:02:50,846
Oh, that sounds incredible...
82
00:02:50,881 --> 00:02:52,481
baby.
83
00:02:52,516 --> 00:02:55,117
But you know, I've got to
stay with Marcus tonight.
84
00:02:55,151 --> 00:02:56,485
Yes, of course.
85
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:57,920
Ah, I'm so sorry.
86
00:02:57,954 --> 00:02:59,255
I got caught up in the excitement.
87
00:02:59,289 --> 00:03:00,823
I mean, you know how I get about meteors.
88
00:03:00,857 --> 00:03:02,758
I know, well, you go and enjoy the shower,
89
00:03:02,793 --> 00:03:04,593
and then we're still
on for tomorrow, right?
90
00:03:04,628 --> 00:03:05,694
Yes, of course.
91
00:03:05,729 --> 00:03:07,463
We are one for dinner tomorrow night
92
00:03:07,497 --> 00:03:10,566
here at your house again.
93
00:03:11,635 --> 00:03:12,668
Oh, I didn't mean it like that.
94
00:03:12,702 --> 00:03:13,702
No, no, no. I meant...
95
00:03:13,737 --> 00:03:15,838
[excitedly] Tomorrow
night. Dinner here again.
96
00:03:15,872 --> 00:03:17,473
[laughs] 'Cause I'm gonna make pesto.
97
00:03:17,507 --> 00:03:18,908
But get this:
98
00:03:18,942 --> 00:03:20,943
I'm gonna infuse the pine nuts
99
00:03:20,977 --> 00:03:23,345
with red cabbage so it's pink.
100
00:03:25,282 --> 00:03:26,715
Pink pesto.
101
00:03:26,750 --> 00:03:28,451
- Mm-hmm.
- How wild is that?
102
00:03:28,485 --> 00:03:29,652
- That's pretty wild.
- Right?
103
00:03:29,686 --> 00:03:31,020
- I can't wait.
- Okay.
104
00:03:31,054 --> 00:03:33,055
- Bye.
- Tomorrow night.
105
00:03:33,089 --> 00:03:34,690
- Yeah.
- Okay.
106
00:03:34,724 --> 00:03:36,726
- Oh, cabbage.
- [door closes]
107
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:39,795
You are not what men want.
108
00:03:39,830 --> 00:03:41,730
As this graph clearly demonstrates,
109
00:03:41,765 --> 00:03:43,999
we've experienced a steady
increase in affection
110
00:03:44,034 --> 00:03:45,067
over time.
111
00:03:45,102 --> 00:03:47,002
Insults are down. Texts are up.
112
00:03:47,037 --> 00:03:48,871
And last month, one butt dial.
113
00:03:48,905 --> 00:03:52,374
But this month, eight intentional calls.
114
00:03:52,409 --> 00:03:57,847
Basically, what I'm trying to say here is:
115
00:03:57,881 --> 00:04:00,049
will you be my girlfriend?
116
00:04:00,083 --> 00:04:02,318
- Why?
- I like you.
117
00:04:02,352 --> 00:04:03,552
Have you ever had a girlfriend?
118
00:04:03,587 --> 00:04:04,720
- No.
- Then why do you want one now?
119
00:04:04,755 --> 00:04:06,188
- I like you.
- What's the catch?
120
00:04:06,223 --> 00:04:08,557
I am. [laughs]
121
00:04:08,592 --> 00:04:10,326
It's a little joke.
122
00:04:10,360 --> 00:04:12,061
Uh, no catch.
123
00:04:16,266 --> 00:04:19,535
Grieving but healing.
124
00:04:19,569 --> 00:04:20,770
What is that smell?
125
00:04:20,804 --> 00:04:23,439
Why are you spraying
lingerie with sour juice?
126
00:04:23,473 --> 00:04:25,307
It's not sour juice. It's patchouli water.
127
00:04:25,342 --> 00:04:27,743
I am preparing a grieving robe
128
00:04:27,778 --> 00:04:30,346
for Marcus to deal with Shea's rejection.
129
00:04:30,380 --> 00:04:31,614
Patchouli robe.
130
00:04:31,648 --> 00:04:34,083
Are you comforting Marcus
or a middle-aged lesbian?
131
00:04:34,117 --> 00:04:35,785
I am gonna help Marcus get over Shea
132
00:04:35,819 --> 00:04:39,054
like a man with a six-pack
and some dead animals.
133
00:04:39,089 --> 00:04:40,056
[spritzes]
134
00:04:40,090 --> 00:04:41,056
Oh!
135
00:04:41,091 --> 00:04:42,725
That is comforting, actually.
136
00:04:43,794 --> 00:04:44,760
Hey, guys.
137
00:04:44,795 --> 00:04:47,263
- Hi, darling.
- Hey, buddy.
138
00:04:47,297 --> 00:04:49,365
[sighs]
139
00:04:49,399 --> 00:04:50,599
Shea said yes!
140
00:04:50,634 --> 00:04:51,700
I'm a boyfriend now.
141
00:04:51,735 --> 00:04:53,903
Wait. And you made me ribs.
142
00:04:53,937 --> 00:04:55,471
And a victory robe to celebrate.
143
00:04:55,505 --> 00:04:57,306
This is the bet day ever.
144
00:04:57,340 --> 00:04:58,307
Ho! Whoa, whoa, whoa. Buddy.
145
00:04:58,341 --> 00:04:59,375
Those are completely raw.
146
00:04:59,409 --> 00:05:01,777
And you saved me from salmonella.
147
00:05:01,812 --> 00:05:03,245
Even better best day ever.
148
00:05:03,280 --> 00:05:05,447
Yes.
149
00:05:05,482 --> 00:05:06,782
[sniffs]
150
00:05:06,817 --> 00:05:08,584
[exhales] Victory.
151
00:05:12,679 --> 00:05:16,277
I just can't believe that my
little baby has a girlfriend.
152
00:05:16,327 --> 00:05:19,462
And thank you, Will.
153
00:05:19,497 --> 00:05:21,331
You... You're welcome?
154
00:05:21,365 --> 00:05:23,633
You stopped me from shutting down
155
00:05:23,668 --> 00:05:26,736
what could turn out to be the
grand love story of Marcus's life.
156
00:05:26,771 --> 00:05:28,938
I did?
157
00:05:28,973 --> 00:05:31,474
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I did.
158
00:05:31,509 --> 00:05:33,376
You know, the thing is, Fiona,
159
00:05:33,411 --> 00:05:36,513
I always had a hunch about that Shea.
160
00:05:36,547 --> 00:05:38,581
It's quite ironic
161
00:05:38,616 --> 00:05:42,819
that Marcus's love flower
blossoms while mine wilts
162
00:05:42,853 --> 00:05:45,655
or, rather, dries up from boredom.
163
00:05:45,690 --> 00:05:46,923
Okay, number one:
164
00:05:46,957 --> 00:05:49,359
never, ever talk about your love flower
165
00:05:49,393 --> 00:05:51,261
drying up, and number two:
166
00:05:51,295 --> 00:05:52,495
what's wrong?
167
00:05:52,530 --> 00:05:55,231
Is there trouble brewing
in swarthy teacher land?
168
00:05:55,266 --> 00:05:58,368
Chris always wants to go on
these spontaneous adventures.
169
00:05:58,402 --> 00:06:00,704
"Let's go surfing right now," he says.
170
00:06:00,738 --> 00:06:02,405
But I'm a mom.
171
00:06:02,440 --> 00:06:04,174
I need notice.
172
00:06:04,208 --> 00:06:07,577
I really want to plan an adventurous date.
173
00:06:07,611 --> 00:06:09,512
Well, you can't plan
an adventure, you know.
174
00:06:09,547 --> 00:06:12,015
That undermines its
inherent adventure-ness.
175
00:06:12,049 --> 00:06:13,383
What should I do?
176
00:06:13,417 --> 00:06:14,718
I don't know. You know, anything.
177
00:06:14,752 --> 00:06:16,786
You could be sitting down for dinner
178
00:06:16,821 --> 00:06:19,022
and you'd be like, "You
know what would be awesome?
179
00:06:19,056 --> 00:06:20,257
Some truffle oil."
180
00:06:20,291 --> 00:06:21,858
And then you guys just get up.
181
00:06:21,892 --> 00:06:24,227
You just forage for truffles.
182
00:06:24,261 --> 00:06:25,528
Okay, well, it'd be awesome... what?
183
00:06:25,563 --> 00:06:26,529
What was the last bit there?
184
00:06:26,564 --> 00:06:28,265
Wha... truffle oil, but that...
185
00:06:28,299 --> 00:06:29,966
That was just an example, Fiona.
186
00:06:30,001 --> 00:06:32,702
A perfect example.
187
00:06:32,737 --> 00:06:34,304
Hold on to your hat, Chris.
188
00:06:34,338 --> 00:06:36,706
We're going truffle hunting
189
00:06:36,741 --> 00:06:38,808
on a [whispers] whim.
190
00:06:38,843 --> 00:06:40,110
[cackling]
191
00:06:40,144 --> 00:06:41,144
Brilliant!
192
00:06:41,178 --> 00:06:43,847
- [laughing]
- Oh, boy.
193
00:06:49,854 --> 00:06:53,456
- Hey, girlfriend.
- Hey, Pasty.
194
00:06:59,063 --> 00:07:00,330
[Awolnation's This Kid's Not All Right]
195
00:07:00,364 --> 00:07:04,067
Trouble's coming for the free man
196
00:07:04,101 --> 00:07:07,837
We shake them, shake
them with the free hand
197
00:07:07,872 --> 00:07:10,240
So stand tall
198
00:07:10,274 --> 00:07:13,977
Catch fire with me
199
00:07:17,214 --> 00:07:18,682
Ah!
200
00:07:18,716 --> 00:07:23,420
This kid's not all right
201
00:07:23,454 --> 00:07:28,224
This kid's not all right
202
00:07:28,259 --> 00:07:32,829
This kid's not all right
203
00:07:32,864 --> 00:07:36,533
But this kid's not all right
204
00:07:36,567 --> 00:07:38,201
Ah, sweet relief.
205
00:07:38,235 --> 00:07:40,804
If I'm still soaking in
ten minutes, unplug this.
206
00:07:40,838 --> 00:07:42,372
I got to get started on Shea's homework.
207
00:07:42,406 --> 00:07:44,040
You shouldn't be doing errands for Shea.
208
00:07:44,075 --> 00:07:45,442
That's not what a boyfriend does.
209
00:07:45,476 --> 00:07:47,010
- It's not?
- No.
210
00:07:47,044 --> 00:07:49,045
Well, that explains why none of
the other boyfriends at school
211
00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:50,180
have developed shin splints.
212
00:07:50,214 --> 00:07:51,648
You need to change the dynamic
213
00:07:51,682 --> 00:07:53,683
of your relationship with Shea ASAP.
214
00:07:53,718 --> 00:07:56,453
- How?
- By taking her on a date
215
00:07:56,487 --> 00:07:59,923
and making her see you as a man, all right?
216
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:02,726
Otherwise you're gonna turn
into a whipped, neutered
217
00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,261
shell of your former self.
218
00:08:05,296 --> 00:08:06,596
Fire up the Xbox.
219
00:08:06,631 --> 00:08:07,998
I got 15 minutes until I have to pick up
220
00:08:08,032 --> 00:08:09,466
Laurie's eyeglasses
221
00:08:09,500 --> 00:08:12,235
and then get her skirt
suits from the dry cleaner.
222
00:08:12,269 --> 00:08:14,371
What?
223
00:08:14,405 --> 00:08:16,606
Why are you guys looking at me like that?
224
00:08:16,641 --> 00:08:18,541
Oh, my God. I'm turning into Andy.
225
00:08:18,576 --> 00:08:20,243
Okay, not yet. You still got a lot of time.
226
00:08:20,278 --> 00:08:21,745
Just relax.
227
00:08:21,779 --> 00:08:23,546
Guys, I'm standing right here.
228
00:08:23,581 --> 00:08:26,216
Quiet, Andy. Men are talking.
229
00:08:26,250 --> 00:08:27,984
All right, I'll ask her out.
230
00:08:28,019 --> 00:08:30,186
All right, what are you gonna
do? You do a little text action?
231
00:08:30,221 --> 00:08:31,521
- Um...
- All right, here we go.
232
00:08:31,555 --> 00:08:32,856
I, uh...
233
00:08:32,890 --> 00:08:34,691
Just be direct, all right?
234
00:08:34,725 --> 00:08:35,692
Got it.
235
00:08:35,726 --> 00:08:37,594
Okay.
236
00:08:37,628 --> 00:08:39,362
"Will you go on a date with me?"
237
00:08:39,397 --> 00:08:40,931
[phone bloops]
238
00:08:40,965 --> 00:08:43,500
That's solid. No nonsense there.
239
00:08:43,534 --> 00:08:45,001
"Ok."
240
00:08:45,036 --> 00:08:47,037
- She said ok!
- Yeah, buddy!
241
00:08:47,071 --> 00:08:48,171
(all) Whoo!
242
00:08:48,205 --> 00:08:49,739
Why are you so excited?
243
00:08:49,774 --> 00:08:52,142
Oh, I don't have to pick up
the skirt suits until Wednesday.
244
00:08:52,176 --> 00:08:53,276
- Oh, boy.
- Hey!
245
00:08:53,311 --> 00:08:54,277
You the man!
246
00:08:54,312 --> 00:08:56,079
[all cheering]
247
00:08:56,113 --> 00:08:57,581
Oh, the meteors, they looked like
248
00:08:57,615 --> 00:08:59,916
a million tiny, little shooting stars.
249
00:08:59,951 --> 00:09:01,384
It was one of those nights where I was just
250
00:09:01,419 --> 00:09:02,519
glad to be alive and in the moment.
251
00:09:02,553 --> 00:09:04,554
You ever had one of those?
252
00:09:07,191 --> 00:09:09,793
Oh, no. This pasta is terribly bland.
253
00:09:09,827 --> 00:09:10,927
No, I think it's delicious.
254
00:09:10,962 --> 00:09:12,362
I wonder what it needs.
255
00:09:12,396 --> 00:09:13,563
Maybe a little black pepper.
256
00:09:13,597 --> 00:09:16,266
I've got it. Truffles.
257
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:19,903
Let's go scavenging for
them right now on a whim.
258
00:09:19,937 --> 00:09:21,471
Um, okay.
259
00:09:21,505 --> 00:09:22,639
Great.
260
00:09:22,673 --> 00:09:23,640
Oh, no, wait.
261
00:09:23,674 --> 00:09:26,343
I better just blow out the
candles 'cause of the fire hazard.
262
00:09:26,377 --> 00:09:28,979
Oh, let 'em burn! Adventure!
263
00:09:29,013 --> 00:09:30,780
[laughing]
264
00:09:33,451 --> 00:09:34,918
Here I come.
265
00:09:34,952 --> 00:09:36,119
(Will) Okay, here she comes.
266
00:09:36,153 --> 00:09:38,321
Quick: hit me withhe
ground rules one more time.
267
00:09:38,356 --> 00:09:39,656
All right, always stick to the date plan
268
00:09:39,690 --> 00:09:40,724
no matter what she says.
269
00:09:40,758 --> 00:09:42,392
Always hold the door. Never hold her purse.
270
00:09:42,426 --> 00:09:43,393
Boom! You got this.
271
00:09:43,427 --> 00:09:45,662
- Yes.
- Come on. Go.
272
00:09:45,696 --> 00:09:46,997
Oh, my god. Look at how cute she looks.
273
00:09:47,031 --> 00:09:48,565
I'm gonna hold whatever
she wants me to hold.
274
00:09:48,599 --> 00:09:50,700
Marcus, remember Andy. Pathetic.
275
00:09:50,735 --> 00:09:53,236
Andy. Pathetic. Andy, Andy, Andy.
276
00:09:56,741 --> 00:09:57,907
Hi. You're perfect.
277
00:09:57,942 --> 00:10:00,877
I mean, um...
278
00:10:00,912 --> 00:10:02,779
What's up?
279
00:10:02,813 --> 00:10:04,214
Oh, right.
280
00:10:12,290 --> 00:10:13,490
Pasty.
281
00:10:13,524 --> 00:10:14,791
Skinny jeans.
282
00:10:14,825 --> 00:10:16,526
Blue... highlights hair.
283
00:10:16,561 --> 00:10:17,527
Good one.
284
00:10:17,562 --> 00:10:18,762
[inhales deeply]
285
00:10:18,796 --> 00:10:20,563
Marcus, why don't you tell Shea
286
00:10:20,598 --> 00:10:22,132
about the date you got planned tonight?
287
00:10:22,166 --> 00:10:24,300
Well, we'll be sharing
an evening of bowling,
288
00:10:24,335 --> 00:10:26,536
along with fries, arcade games,
289
00:10:26,570 --> 00:10:28,104
and a pitcher of orange soda.
290
00:10:28,139 --> 00:10:29,906
No.
291
00:10:29,941 --> 00:10:31,708
Swirl Jam for frozen yogurt.
292
00:10:35,112 --> 00:10:38,114
Skinny Jeans! To Swirl Jam.
293
00:10:45,893 --> 00:10:47,760
Ooh! Look.
294
00:10:47,794 --> 00:10:50,296
I think... ooh, I found another one.
295
00:10:50,330 --> 00:10:51,964
Mm... Not a truffle.
296
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:54,534
If you eat this, you'll
get epic hallucinations
297
00:10:54,568 --> 00:10:56,569
and almost definitely die.
298
00:10:56,603 --> 00:10:57,803
Let's put that over there.
299
00:10:57,838 --> 00:10:59,038
[chuckles]
300
00:11:00,807 --> 00:11:01,907
Gosh.
301
00:11:01,942 --> 00:11:04,343
Is there anything that you don't know?
302
00:11:04,378 --> 00:11:06,379
Well, I didn't know where
tonight was gonna lead us
303
00:11:06,413 --> 00:11:07,913
and that we'd be out here, off the grid.
304
00:11:07,948 --> 00:11:09,282
[giggles]
305
00:11:11,418 --> 00:11:13,352
Oh, no service!
306
00:11:13,387 --> 00:11:14,353
Hmm?
307
00:11:14,388 --> 00:11:16,389
- Everything okay?
- Yeah.
308
00:11:16,423 --> 00:11:17,390
Yeah. Yeah.
309
00:11:17,424 --> 00:11:19,325
I... you know, it has been
310
00:11:19,359 --> 00:11:20,560
a lovely adventure, hasn't it?
311
00:11:20,594 --> 00:11:23,262
But should we head back
and truffle up our dinner?
312
00:11:23,296 --> 00:11:25,097
We could, or...
313
00:11:25,132 --> 00:11:26,899
I know a fantastic hot spring
314
00:11:26,934 --> 00:11:28,100
about 15 minutes up the road.
315
00:11:28,135 --> 00:11:29,235
We could hike.
316
00:11:29,269 --> 00:11:32,138
Oh, well, we don't have our bathing suits.
317
00:11:32,172 --> 00:11:33,372
Neither did Adam and Eve.
318
00:11:33,407 --> 00:11:34,774
Well, that's not strictly true,
319
00:11:34,808 --> 00:11:37,076
'cause Eve had the fig leaf two piece.
320
00:11:37,110 --> 00:11:38,577
Just trust me.
321
00:11:41,448 --> 00:11:43,649
All right, so you got your classic flavors:
322
00:11:43,684 --> 00:11:46,586
you got chocolate, vanilla, peanut butter,
323
00:11:46,620 --> 00:11:48,654
but if you're feeling a little adventurous,
324
00:11:48,689 --> 00:11:50,656
you could take a walk on
the peppermint mocha side.
325
00:11:50,691 --> 00:11:52,258
Gonna need some samples, Pasty.
326
00:11:52,292 --> 00:11:53,292
On it.
327
00:11:56,267 --> 00:11:57,334
First time?
328
00:11:57,368 --> 00:11:58,802
- What's that?
- Chaperoning?
329
00:11:58,836 --> 00:12:01,104
We do the whole "be cool
and hang back" thing.
330
00:12:01,139 --> 00:12:02,939
- Which one's yours?
- Uh, Marcus.
331
00:12:02,974 --> 00:12:04,708
Oh, Marcus is the one
that's dating Shea now.
332
00:12:04,742 --> 00:12:05,942
- Oh, my gosh.
- It's very weird.
333
00:12:05,977 --> 00:12:07,110
It's a very weird relationship.
334
00:12:07,145 --> 00:12:09,279
She's, like, popping right now
from relationship to relationship.
335
00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:10,947
Excuse me... what are
you guys talking about?
336
00:12:10,982 --> 00:12:12,215
Shea just broke up with Viper,
337
00:12:12,250 --> 00:12:14,084
that dark little storm
cloud behind the counter.
338
00:12:14,118 --> 00:12:15,318
It was quite the uggo splitsky.
339
00:12:15,353 --> 00:12:16,686
No bueno.
340
00:12:16,721 --> 00:12:18,688
I'm having a little trouble
understanding your mom speak.
341
00:12:18,723 --> 00:12:19,756
What does that mean?
342
00:12:19,791 --> 00:12:22,759
I'm saying that Shea is using
Marcus to make Viper jelly.
343
00:12:22,794 --> 00:12:24,795
And jelly means jealous?
344
00:12:24,829 --> 00:12:26,129
Obvi.
345
00:12:26,164 --> 00:12:27,197
Obvi.
346
00:12:32,003 --> 00:12:32,970
[sighs]
347
00:12:33,004 --> 00:12:35,005
- That's no bueno.
- Mm-mm.
348
00:12:37,942 --> 00:12:39,376
Voila!
349
00:12:39,410 --> 00:12:41,344
(Fiona) What a beautiful view
350
00:12:41,379 --> 00:12:43,313
from right here.
351
00:12:43,347 --> 00:12:45,882
Come on, we can sit and watch this anytime.
352
00:12:45,917 --> 00:12:47,884
Let's do this, Fiona.
353
00:12:47,919 --> 00:12:49,019
Come on.
354
00:12:51,022 --> 00:12:53,323
They all naked, do you think?
355
00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:55,192
- Probably.
- Probably, aren't they?
356
00:12:55,226 --> 00:12:56,226
All right.
357
00:12:57,261 --> 00:12:58,628
You're not gonna keep your short...
358
00:12:58,663 --> 00:13:00,197
You don't have to keep your short... no.
359
00:13:00,231 --> 00:13:01,431
[coughs]
360
00:13:01,466 --> 00:13:05,368
Listen, I figure you can
put your dress in my shirt
361
00:13:05,403 --> 00:13:06,570
so it doesn't get dirty.
362
00:13:07,739 --> 00:13:10,073
Oh, gah! [laughs nervously]
363
00:13:10,108 --> 00:13:11,741
Isn't that funny how that's the...
364
00:13:11,776 --> 00:13:14,311
The exact thing I was worried about.
365
00:13:14,345 --> 00:13:15,846
Ha!
366
00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,080
Oh, here, give me your coat.
367
00:13:17,115 --> 00:13:18,548
That's white; don't want to get that dirty.
368
00:13:18,583 --> 00:13:19,549
Put that right there.
369
00:13:19,584 --> 00:13:21,251
Uh...all right.
370
00:13:21,285 --> 00:13:22,252
Well, there we are.
371
00:13:22,286 --> 00:13:25,155
Just... ah!
372
00:13:25,189 --> 00:13:26,723
Nothing you haven't seen before.
373
00:13:26,758 --> 00:13:28,692
Ooh! Brisk, isn't it?
374
00:13:28,726 --> 00:13:31,094
Put that right in my shirt.
375
00:13:31,129 --> 00:13:34,097
And here I am, naked in the woods,
376
00:13:34,132 --> 00:13:36,900
feeling wind in places I've
never actually felt wind before,
377
00:13:36,934 --> 00:13:39,903
about to take a bath
with a bunch of strangers.
378
00:13:39,937 --> 00:13:40,937
Come on.
379
00:13:41,939 --> 00:13:43,673
(Chris) [laughing]
380
00:13:43,708 --> 00:13:45,142
- Ah.
- Ooh!
381
00:13:45,176 --> 00:13:47,978
See? This isn't so bad.
382
00:13:48,012 --> 00:13:49,613
Hey, look at you! You're doing it.
383
00:13:49,647 --> 00:13:50,680
I know! I'm doing it!
384
00:13:50,715 --> 00:13:52,215
I'm skinny dipping!
385
00:13:52,250 --> 00:13:56,286
There's nothing between
my body and the water.
386
00:13:56,320 --> 00:13:58,655
Ah, this is amazing.
387
00:13:58,689 --> 00:14:01,191
And you look beautiful!
388
00:14:01,225 --> 00:14:02,959
Oh, I am!
389
00:14:02,994 --> 00:14:08,465
I'm beautiful and naked and free!
390
00:14:08,499 --> 00:14:09,466
[helicopter whirring]
391
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,068
Police! Run!
392
00:14:11,102 --> 00:14:13,303
What?
393
00:14:13,337 --> 00:14:15,472
[sirens blaring]
394
00:14:15,506 --> 00:14:16,773
- Ah!
- Freeze, ma'am!
395
00:14:16,808 --> 00:14:18,542
Ah! What's happening?
396
00:14:18,576 --> 00:14:21,611
Uh, this is a... A wildlife reserve,
397
00:14:21,646 --> 00:14:23,780
so technically, we're trespassing.
398
00:14:23,815 --> 00:14:25,048
(man) Put your hands up
399
00:14:25,083 --> 00:14:26,483
and slowly come out of the water.
400
00:14:26,517 --> 00:14:27,818
All right.
401
00:14:27,852 --> 00:14:30,320
Could... could you chuck us a towel first?
402
00:14:30,355 --> 00:14:31,321
Could you?
403
00:14:31,355 --> 00:14:32,422
(man) Come out of the water.
404
00:14:32,457 --> 00:14:34,925
No? Okay.
405
00:14:38,196 --> 00:14:39,563
Hey, Marcus!
406
00:14:39,597 --> 00:14:40,997
Hey, we need to talk.
407
00:14:41,032 --> 00:14:43,100
Did you know that that guy right there
408
00:14:43,134 --> 00:14:44,301
is Shea's ex-boyfriend?
409
00:14:45,937 --> 00:14:48,338
Viper? Really?
410
00:14:48,373 --> 00:14:50,674
Man, I got to work on my facial hair.
411
00:14:50,708 --> 00:14:53,577
I think Shea might be using
you to make Viper jealous.
412
00:14:53,611 --> 00:14:56,012
No way. Shea would never do that.
413
00:14:56,047 --> 00:14:57,647
Well, then why did she bring you here?
414
00:14:57,682 --> 00:14:59,316
'Cause my girl loves her some fro yo.
415
00:14:59,350 --> 00:15:01,718
Look, I don't want to keep my date waiting,
416
00:15:01,752 --> 00:15:03,053
so if you'll excuse me.
417
00:15:04,956 --> 00:15:05,956
Oh, hey, what's up?
418
00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:07,457
What a co-wink-a-dink, right?
419
00:15:08,926 --> 00:15:10,394
So could I just get one half coconut,
420
00:15:10,428 --> 00:15:12,662
one half mango for my
girlfriend, Shea, please?
421
00:15:20,371 --> 00:15:22,172
All right.
422
00:15:23,341 --> 00:15:24,674
"Sloot?"
423
00:15:24,709 --> 00:15:26,109
No, you spelled it wrong.
424
00:15:26,144 --> 00:15:28,512
Her name is Shea. S-H...
425
00:15:28,546 --> 00:15:31,448
I know her name, but seeing
how she's ugly and stupid
426
00:15:31,482 --> 00:15:34,851
and worthless, I think my
name for her is much better.
427
00:15:36,487 --> 00:15:39,523
My girlfriend, Shea, is
beautiful, kind, and amazing,
428
00:15:39,557 --> 00:15:42,492
and I would appreciate it if you
didn't talk about her that way.
429
00:15:42,527 --> 00:15:44,828
- You would, would you?
- Yeah. I would.
430
00:15:47,098 --> 00:15:48,332
What are you gonna do about it?
431
00:15:48,366 --> 00:15:50,334
I don't know, I haven't
really gotten that far.
432
00:15:50,368 --> 00:15:51,335
Well, ha!
433
00:15:51,369 --> 00:15:52,536
Uh!
434
00:15:52,570 --> 00:15:55,005
Uh! Mm.
435
00:15:55,039 --> 00:15:56,039
You just lost your tip.
436
00:15:58,388 --> 00:16:00,256
(Chris) [laughing]
437
00:16:00,290 --> 00:16:01,424
That was crazy.
438
00:16:01,458 --> 00:16:03,693
I mean, one minute we're
eating pasta, and then boom!
439
00:16:03,727 --> 00:16:06,195
We're in the woods, naked,
with sirens flashing.
440
00:16:06,229 --> 00:16:07,496
That's one for the ages.
441
00:16:07,531 --> 00:16:09,065
Yes. Good story.
442
00:16:09,099 --> 00:16:11,734
Oh, Fiona, don't worry.
This won't go on our record.
443
00:16:11,768 --> 00:16:12,835
They'll let us off with a warning.
444
00:16:12,869 --> 00:16:14,103
Oh, no, it's not that.
445
00:16:14,137 --> 00:16:18,107
I'm... I... it's just I can't have
446
00:16:18,141 --> 00:16:21,077
adventures like this very often.
447
00:16:21,111 --> 00:16:23,012
I mean, I could before Marcus,
448
00:16:23,046 --> 00:16:24,413
but not anymore.
449
00:16:24,448 --> 00:16:26,248
Well, that's... That's okay.
450
00:16:26,283 --> 00:16:29,285
Yeah, no, it is... It's okay for me.
451
00:16:29,319 --> 00:16:31,988
I love being Marcus's mom,
452
00:16:32,022 --> 00:16:35,191
but I can't drop everything
at a moment's notice
453
00:16:35,225 --> 00:16:38,995
and go see a meteor shower or go surfing
454
00:16:39,029 --> 00:16:40,930
or skinny dipping.
455
00:16:40,964 --> 00:16:43,065
And I'm not sure what I have to offer
456
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,868
is enough for you.
457
00:16:45,902 --> 00:16:47,837
Look, I don't need meteor showers
458
00:16:47,871 --> 00:16:51,240
or mushrooms or hot springs.
459
00:16:51,275 --> 00:16:54,944
Fiona, you and me... We're the adventure.
460
00:16:58,915 --> 00:17:00,683
Okay, you two. We've dealt with the others.
461
00:17:00,717 --> 00:17:01,684
Ah!
462
00:17:01,718 --> 00:17:02,852
We are ready for the warning.
463
00:17:02,886 --> 00:17:03,853
Yeah.
464
00:17:03,887 --> 00:17:05,488
Warning? [chuckles]
465
00:17:05,522 --> 00:17:07,323
No, we're taking you two downtown.
466
00:17:07,357 --> 00:17:08,624
Well, not downtown.
467
00:17:08,659 --> 00:17:11,427
Actually, our precinct's
in a pretty rural area,
468
00:17:11,461 --> 00:17:12,828
but you're still getting booked.
469
00:17:18,969 --> 00:17:21,771
They usually, uh... let
you off with a warning.
470
00:17:21,805 --> 00:17:22,805
Usually.
471
00:17:29,413 --> 00:17:33,115
So what's it gonna take for you not to sue?
472
00:17:33,150 --> 00:17:35,985
How 'bout a lifetime of free frozen yogurt?
473
00:17:36,019 --> 00:17:39,422
Really? That's it? Absolutely.
474
00:17:39,456 --> 00:17:41,557
Damn, I think I undershot.
475
00:17:45,362 --> 00:17:46,362
Hi.
476
00:17:48,699 --> 00:17:49,799
Hey.
477
00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:52,868
Did you just agree to be my girlfriend
478
00:17:52,903 --> 00:17:54,637
to make that Viper guy jealous?
479
00:17:54,671 --> 00:17:57,840
Because I really like you,
480
00:17:57,874 --> 00:17:59,175
and I think it would be nice to have
481
00:17:59,209 --> 00:18:01,177
a girlfriend that actually likes me back.
482
00:18:01,211 --> 00:18:03,112
[sighs]
483
00:18:03,146 --> 00:18:04,714
When I first said I'd be your girlfriend,
484
00:18:04,748 --> 00:18:06,716
it was mostly 'cause I
liked having you around
485
00:18:06,750 --> 00:18:08,017
to carry my stuff.
486
00:18:08,051 --> 00:18:11,387
And yeah, also make Viper jealous.
487
00:18:13,790 --> 00:18:15,791
Oh.
488
00:18:17,427 --> 00:18:19,729
I guess it was just hard to
believe that you were for real,
489
00:18:19,763 --> 00:18:20,930
'cause usually, guys date me
490
00:18:20,964 --> 00:18:23,599
because they've heard rumors about me
491
00:18:23,634 --> 00:18:26,235
or because they know my mom's never home
492
00:18:26,270 --> 00:18:28,571
and that we always have beer in our fridge.
493
00:18:28,605 --> 00:18:32,274
But hearing you say all
that nice stuff about me...
494
00:18:32,309 --> 00:18:33,843
Now I know you're for real.
495
00:18:33,877 --> 00:18:35,478
You're still totally weird,
496
00:18:35,512 --> 00:18:37,914
but you're for real, and I've never met
497
00:18:37,948 --> 00:18:41,350
anyone like you, Pas... Marcus.
498
00:18:41,385 --> 00:18:42,852
[Marc Scibilia's How
Bad We Need Each Other]
499
00:18:42,886 --> 00:18:44,587
People gonna be okay
500
00:18:44,621 --> 00:18:46,689
Storms never come to stay
501
00:18:46,723 --> 00:18:50,593
They just show us how
bad we need each other
502
00:18:50,627 --> 00:18:53,896
How bad we need each other
503
00:18:53,930 --> 00:18:56,532
Man, I can't believe she kissed me.
504
00:18:56,567 --> 00:18:58,601
Next time, I am totally gonna kiss back.
505
00:18:58,635 --> 00:19:00,603
Yeah, you are! To kissing back!
506
00:19:00,637 --> 00:19:01,871
Kissing back!
507
00:19:01,905 --> 00:19:03,172
Here I am! How did it go?
508
00:19:03,207 --> 00:19:05,508
Sorry I was off the
grid. Tell me everything.
509
00:19:05,542 --> 00:19:08,177
So Shea was only using me
510
00:19:08,211 --> 00:19:09,378
to make her ex jealous.
511
00:19:09,413 --> 00:19:10,513
What?
512
00:19:10,547 --> 00:19:12,215
Will!
513
00:19:12,249 --> 00:19:13,683
But then I stood up to Viper.
514
00:19:13,717 --> 00:19:16,619
Wait... Shea has an ex called "Viper"?
515
00:19:16,653 --> 00:19:18,554
And then Shea realized she wanted to be
516
00:19:18,588 --> 00:19:20,756
my girlfriend for real, and I got kissed.
517
00:19:20,791 --> 00:19:22,892
Oh, darling, you got kissed!
518
00:19:22,926 --> 00:19:25,461
It was pretty much the
best night of my life.
519
00:19:25,495 --> 00:19:27,496
Marcus, that is so wonderful.
520
00:19:27,531 --> 00:19:29,799
And next time, he's gonna kiss back.
521
00:19:31,368 --> 00:19:33,970
Darling, listen, you go
upstairs and get ready for bed.
522
00:19:34,004 --> 00:19:35,638
I'm gonna come up and hear all the details.
523
00:19:35,672 --> 00:19:37,373
All right.
524
00:19:37,407 --> 00:19:39,342
Wait until you hear about the part
525
00:19:39,376 --> 00:19:41,103
where I got punched in the stomach.
526
00:19:41,015 --> 00:19:42,794
You got punched?
527
00:19:42,832 --> 00:19:44,184
And kissed. Best night of his life.
528
00:19:44,206 --> 00:19:46,498
But it could've been the worst. You know
529
00:19:46,523 --> 00:19:48,640
he has a very sensitive stomach
530
00:19:48,665 --> 00:19:51,471
because of the lactose allergy
and his hypersensitive navel,
531
00:19:51,496 --> 00:19:53,889
- You can't...
- What is going on with your fingertips?
532
00:19:53,964 --> 00:19:55,534
Why do you have ink on them?
533
00:19:55,571 --> 00:19:58,330
That's... that is just
some rubber stamp work
534
00:19:58,366 --> 00:19:59,832
From holiday cards.
535
00:19:59,867 --> 00:20:02,768
Christmas was months ago.
What's going on here, Fiona?
536
00:20:02,804 --> 00:20:05,304
It's fingerprint ink
from down the precinct,
537
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:07,440
where we got arrested for skinny dipping.
538
00:20:07,441 --> 00:20:09,141
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
539
00:20:09,177 --> 00:20:12,178
Adventurous Fiona skinny dipping!
540
00:20:12,179 --> 00:20:15,714
Looks like someone's
dried-up love flower got wet!
541
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:18,384
Listen, I'm gonna make you a deal.
542
00:20:18,419 --> 00:20:21,320
You're gonna take my skinny
dipping arrest to the grave,
543
00:20:21,355 --> 00:20:23,055
And I'm gonna spare you the lecture
544
00:20:23,090 --> 00:20:24,723
On what a rubbish chaperone you are.
545
00:20:24,759 --> 00:20:27,326
- Lady, you got yourself a deal.
- All right.
546
00:20:27,327 --> 00:20:30,229
Although, your skinny dipping
definitely trumps my chaperoning.
547
00:20:30,262 --> 00:20:32,298
Right. Now you're gonna get a lecture.
548
00:20:32,333 --> 00:20:34,033
One: You're a rubbish chaperone.
549
00:20:34,068 --> 00:20:36,902
Two: You are a very
poor judge of character.
550
00:20:36,938 --> 00:20:39,839
Three: You're far too tall, Sasquatch.
551
00:20:39,874 --> 00:20:41,307
Four: You're an idiot.
552
00:20:41,342 --> 00:20:44,477
Five: Snip, snip, snip
on your eyebrows, okay?
553
00:20:44,478 --> 00:20:48,478
Six: Your hair's too big,
and it's not the humidity.
554
00:20:48,528 --> 00:20:53,078
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