Original subtitles

[Knocking at door]

Police! Open up!

- Ooh! - [Screaming]

[Imitating gorilla]

What the bloody hell?

[Laughing]

Are you okay, Marcus?

Here we go again.

Past Halloween emotional scarring.

He doesn't like to talk about it.

No. It's okay, mom.

I'm going to tell Will.

It's 2009.

I'm seven.

It's just another average run of the mill

trick-or-treating with my mother.

Oh. So sorry.

That's not the traumatic part.

Keep going.

This kid dressed as Frankenstein

just comes up and just...

Just smashes this egg on my head.

And we knew it wasn't organic, didn't we?

It's 2011.

This vicious dog just gets enraged by my bunny costume.

Just chases me and chases me.

I mean, I found you holed up in a little doghouse.

I may or may not

have eaten some kibble to sustain myself.

But the point is

- I have a Halloween curse. - Yeah.

Look, some bad luck in the past.

Some questionable judgment with the kibble.

But are you going to let a couple of bad experiences

ruin the greatest holiday of the year?

Which, by the way, is why I'm here.

Come with me.

Look at this!

Hmm? Feast your eyes.

This is how it's done.

Even if I called

those two pathetic pieces of corn decoration,

they are for Thanksgiving, not Halloween.

How many bloody holidays do you people have?

None as important as Halloween.

I, myself, throw an annual party

that is legendary... Will-O-Ween.

- Will-O-Ween? - Uh-huh.

Anyway, the point is

I'm going to the Halloween store

to get even more of this wonderment,

and you are coming with me

because you need to make your side of the porch

a little less suicide-inducing.

We're going to be loaded to the gills

with trick-or-treaters, and we need to be ready.

Yeah, no, we don't give out treats.

What?

Halloween is a made up American holiday...

Invented to encourage obesity and diabetes.

Mom hasn't had sugar in 12 years.

Yeah.

That's not all your mother hasn't had in 12 years, Marcus.

Hey.

Un-hear that.

here we go

[Brett Dennen's Comeback Kid (That's my dog)]

Well, maybe it's the common curse

Maybe things get bad before they get worse

I don't want to become someone

Who can't live up to what I already done, don't

Here comes a comeback

The kid is back, is back on track

And there goes my hero

He's the underdog, he's coming out on top, and

[Cheers and applause]

- [Crash] - Woman: Oh!

Sorry.

Um... Can we go? This place is awful.

Look. That could be me.

Uh, no it couldn't.

But, yeah, maybe someone will forget a costume.

- High five? - Ah!

What I... what is that?

That... you're only getting decorative markers?

I've had a brilliant idea

for making some Halloween treats.

Ah!

I highly doubt that.

Don't you think you're going a bit overboard

with the whole Will-O-Ween of it all?

'Cause I'm not supposed to be spending as much

because my "royalty" checks have "stopped coming"?

Why do you keep putting things in air quotes

that are actually happening?

Do you think maybe you're throwing this party

to mask your feelings about your break-up with Sam?

I'm not masking them, Fiona.

I am mending them.

Every time life throws me a major setback,

I throw a three Bs party.

- Three Bs? - Mm-hmm.

What is that?

Brown rice buyers and baba ghanoush?

Please don't ever make jokes.

No, it's booze, bros, and babes.

You loved her.

You can't fill a void with three Bs, Will.

Oh, trust me, I can.

It's worked in the past.

This three Bs party is going to cleanse my system.

It's going to get me back to classic Will...

Will 1.0.

Will, Will, listen to me, okay?

You cannot bury your sadness that is in here...

oh, I feel the void, I feel it...

with parties and strangers. My hands don't lie.

You have to mourn the end of a relationship.

You... getting back to your life before Sam

is going to be very, very hard.

It's a long road.

- That's a good point. - Yeah.

Would you like to come to a party tomorrow night?

- That sounds like fun. - [Chuckles]

- I'm Rachel. - Hi, I'm Will.

Will 1.0.

Um, now,

what do you have in the vein of like adult bouncy houses?

[Knocking]

- We're busy. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

I'm just dropping off Andy's Tonto costume. Okay.

- Okay. - Settle down.

- He's not going to need it. - Hey. Check it out.

We're doing a family costume this year.

Andy and I are the pods,

- and these guys are our peas. - Mm...

- That's cute, right? - Mm-hmm.

Andy, don't move. I got to go get

the hot glue gun for your crotch.

Why does the glue need to be hot for the crotch?

- Dude, what are you doing? - What?

We always go to Will-O-Ween dressed as a famous duo.

I can't have you showing up dressed like a...

- Giant green penis. - I'm a pea pod.

Take a look in the mirror, dude.

You are a penis.

I'm going all out this year for Will-O-Ween,

and I need you there. We got the cotton candy machine,

we got the DJ, we got the Margarita machine,

- we got the photo booth. - Whoa. You're doing three Bs?

- Yes! - This is going to be epic.

Exactly. And that's why I need

my bro there, and I need him to look

a lot less like the jolly green weiner.

All right, this is the plan.

Me, Laurie, and the kids are going to go trick-or-treating,

then we're going to come over to your house late.

Laurie's going to be exhausted.

She's going to want to leave.

I wear the Tonto costume

underneath this pea pod nonsense,

and then me and you bro down

all night long.

Wouldn't it be easier just to get a divorce?

Ha-ha-ha. That's hilarious.

- Hey, here's an idea. - Yeah.

Why don't you go as Tonto?

I go as lone ranger for a change.

What do you think about that?

[Laughs]

What? Just to switch it up.

Yeah, get in there. Don't be shy.

Go shoulder deep.

[Growling]

- Thank you. - Yeah, happy Halloween.

Hi! Look at what I've got for you.

Sweets for the soul.

Little baseball lady bird.

Mom, it's a rock!

Oh, honey.

- I don't want it. - Oh.

Come on, kids. Let's get away

from the mean rock lady.

No, it's lovely, it's...

Are you serious? Rocks?

Well, they're not rocks. They're affirmation rocks.

- It's very different. - [Mutters] No...

We've inscribed each one with words of affirmation.

Like, "try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud."

Oh, that's Maya Angelou. It's beautiful, isn't it?

- I miss her every day. - I know you do.

Okay, guys. This is not a treat.

This is a trick, a terrible trick.

- And where are your costumes? - I don't do costumes, Will.

Oh, am I going to hear another one of these curse stories?

It's 2012. I'm dressed as a vampire...

Got it, enough. What's your excuse?

I'm wearing a costume. I'm a '60s flower child.

Fiona, Halloween is the one day

you can be someone else.

Don't pass up that opportunity, all right?

Hey. Welcome to Will-O-Ween.

- They are not Sam. - Have some fun.

- I am fun. - We disagree.

I am needed. I am fun.

We got champagne

- Put that bottle to your face

- Here it is, kids.

You the designated driver

Your first Will-O-Ween. Huh?

Yup. Hey, Uncle Will!

Hey! Andy!

Yes! Laurie.

The... uh... the peas.

We need a bathroom.

Yeah, upstairs. Yeah.

Don't "pea" on the floor. Ho-ho!

Will-O-Ween is going off, going on all cylinders.

Check it out. Look.

Yes!

I got my bro, I got my booze.

We got two 'ritas, and I think we've got...

Just in time, we've got the babes.

This is the babe I was talking to you about.

Wow. Dressed like a doctor though,

just like Sam. Is that weird?

- Hey, Rachel. - Hey.

Nice to see you. You made it.

Actually, it's Dr. Rachel.

Do you need me to check your vitals, sir?

[Both laughing]

Hope you don't mind I brought a few of my girlfriends.

Oh, hi. Hello, hello.

This is my best friend Andy.

- Pirates. - Who would like a Margarita?

Oh. I hope you're not drinking.

Of course I'm not drinking.

We're pregnant. Remember?

How did you get down here so fast?

Oh, I'm everywhere, Andy.

Everywhere.

[Muffled music thumping]

Oh, are you the lady handing out rocks?

Yes, I'm the evil rock lady upsetting children.

I know it was a stupid idea now.

It's actually quite a cool idea, really.

Are you lying?

No, I'm... no, not at all.

I... you know, treats to inspire and instill confidence.

I mean, that's... that's something to be saluted,

- isn't it? - That's so nice,

'cause that's exactly what I thought.

Except it seemed really to only inspire disappointment

and in one case, vandalism.

Right.

Gosh, well done with the Sherlock Holmes.

But, you know, you can stop doing the accent... it's okay.

Oh, no, I'm... I'm from London, so it's not...

- No. - Yes.

- You are? - Yeah, I am indeed.

Yeah, maybe it's because I'm a londoner.

Both: that I love London town

- Portobello road

- Oh, Chelsea!

[Chuckles] Oh, right, really?

[Laughs] Et cetera.

May... may I?

Oh, yes! Um...

That one. Here you are.

Thanks.

[Clears throat] Hmm.

"Be open to unexpected love and kindness."

Hmm.

- Lovely. - Are you a friend

of Will's, are you?

Oh, no, I'm meeting a friend there, yeah.

I mean, I know Halloween's

a silly, made up American holiday.

- I know! - Well, I have to say

I have rather fallen hook, line, and sinker for it.

- Me too. - [Both laughing]

- Great. - Yeah.

Arabian princess, I presume?

Well done, detective.

You've detected an Arabian princess.

- Thank you, Watson. - Princess Watson.

Yeah, maybe I'll... maybe I'll see you in the...

- On the way out. - Yes, oh, right, yes.

- Yeah, yeah. - All right.

Bye. Bye.

[Dance music playing]

Excellent. You made it.

Can you turn the music down, please?

What? That's why you're here?

- [Laughs] - Uh...

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What just happened?

- What? - What... you...

you like the architect guy.

Is he an architect?

That is intriguing, isn't it?

That's a proper job.

All right, spill, flower lady.

No, no, there's nothing to spill.

I mean, he's... he's awfully tall, isn't he?

But, yeah, I just met him outside

and, I mean, there may or may not have been a spark.

Maybe it wasn't a sp... ohh...

I got to get back to my affirmations.

Wait, no, no! Fiona, honestly?

Okay, you know what? I have an affirmation for you.

You are worthy

of having a piece of candy once in a decade

or having a drink, or dancing,

or even chatting up that architect guy, okay?

Come on, Fiona! You're killing me.

I'm going to get you a drink.

Don't move. Do not move!

[Dance music continues]

[Muffled music continues]

[Rock clatters]

"Blaze a trail."

[Electronic music playing]

Rrrrr!

Little man! You made it.

You're here. That's awesome.

Uh, yeah, battling my demons.

Both literal and figurative.

I'm going to get back to my rocks.

No, hold on, dude. Look.

We got the cotton candy machine over there.

Why don't you go get some cotton candy?

I've got to take care of this situation right now,

but I'm telling you, Marcus,

no harm can come to you at Will-O-Ween.

Go get 'em.

The past is not the present.

Thoughts aren't things.

There's no such thing as a curse.

There's no such thing as a curse.

Hey, let's get this thing off the dance floor.

No, no, stop!

Let me out! Let me out!

- [Muffled under music] - I'm in the photo booth.

- Hey, honey. - I am so tired.

I'll take the kids if you want to stay.

I couldn't stay. How could I stay?

You want me to stay? Should I stay?

Are you wearing another costume?

What are you talking about, another costume?

- [Gasps] - Honey, that's not...

what are you... honey, don't... what are you doing?

You're embarrassing me in front of all the people.

Let's go... you're coming home with me now.

Hold on, hold on. Listen to me, listen to me.

Listen to me, okay? Don't take Andy.

I need Andy. You need Andy?

Yeah. It's the most important Will-O-Ween of my life,

and I can't handle it without him.

- He's my other half. - No. He's my other half.

And it's not Will-O-Ween. It's Halloween.

It's a holiday for children, so grow up.

- No, it's not. - Let's go, Andy.

- Come on, guys. - Wait, come on, no.

Seriously, please.

You can't do this.

- Come on. - All right, well,

you know what?

- Take off the Tonto costume. - What?

You've lost sidekick privileges.

You have been de-Tontoed.

Oh. Wow.

Gosh, that's beautiful, isn't it?

Oh, thank you. You, uh, caught me.

Do you make low income housing for gummy bears?

[Chuckles] Well, I am an architect.

- Oh. - Ah, yes, but, um...

I've just been struggling

with this cantilevered roof all week,

and now at least I can safely say that

a vanilla wafer is not the answer.

Aww. [Chuckles]

I normally don't eat this stuff.

No, I know. It's terrible for you, isn't it?

- Yeah, but it's so good. - Is it?

- Mmm. - Mmm?

Oh. Yeah. Okay.

I'll have one of those.

Hmm?

Oh, that's actually bloody good, isn't it?

That's not bad. Not bad.

Another? Um... Okay.

I will. [Chuckles]

- Cheers. - Cheers.

We're going to get really sugar high, aren't we?

[Both laughing]

Does Dr. Rachel need to examine you?

- Stick out your tongue. - [Laughing]

Come on, stick out your tongue.

[Laughing] And make out with me.

I-I, uh,I think you got to maybe like

put the doctor thing, like, tone it down.

Ohh!

You seem upset. [Chuckles]

Turn your head and cough for me.

- [Phone rings] - Yeah, that's a good one.

Hold on one second.

Um...

- Uh... - [Ringing]

Um, I got to... I got to take this.

I... stay here. I-I'll be right back.

Hello, Sam, hello?

Hey, Will.

Sorry, I, um, for calling.

I-I didn't know if it would upset you, I just...

No, no, it's...

it's... I'm glad you called.

I just wanted to hear your voice.

It's nice to hear your voice too.

It's so loud over there. What are you doing?

Fiona's having a Halloween party.

Fiona! Keep it down over there!

I-I didn't go to any Halloween parties this year.

Wasn't really in the mood.

Um...

Yeah, no, me too. I-I just...

How are you doing?

I'm doing...

Not... not great. Ha.

Well, happy, um, happy Halloween, Will.

Yeah, happy Halloween, Sam.

Um...

Tell Marcus I said, "hi," next time you him him, okay?

Yeah, I will.

Marcus?

- Are you in there? - Will?

- Marcus? - Will, help.

I can't breathe in here.

Hey, Sam, hold on one second. Hold on a second.

- [Grunts] - [Booth groaning]

What happened?

You okay, man?

No, Will, I'm not okay.

I told you, I'm cursed.

Sorry about that. Um, Sa-Sam?

Sam.

- Hey. - Hey.

What are you doing out here?

Oh, you know...

Ahh...

I'm just taking a break, you know?

When a party's this fun, you got to...

Pace yourself.

I wish I could move past stuff as easily as you.

I mean, you just broke up with Dr. Sam.

Life knocked you down.

But all it took was you throwing this great party,

and it's... it's like she never happened.

Yeah.

[Sighs] You know what?

Will-O-Ween sucks.

Let's break this curse.

I'm going to be

- perfectly honest with you. - Okay.

You're really filling out the Tonto costume well.

I think I should be the lone ranger.

Trick or treat. There you go.

Trick or treat.

- Okay, we're doing all right. - All right.

Oh, I feel it in my soul

- [Candies clattering] - Oh, sorry.

I know we've got that time to come together

I've never even had this much sugar.

Fill it up, put it up

[Rapping]

Scoop, scoop!

Oh...

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

Chug! Chug!

Too much. Sorry.

[Doorbell rings]

Go, go

- Hey. - go, go

- Stop it! - Stop, please stop!

- [Overlapping shouting] - go go go go

Let's do it right, ready?

One, two, three

Oh, I feel it in my soul

Got parties on my mind

I know we've got that time to spend together

I let my candle flow

Got tingles down my spine

We're gonna make this time last forever

Hey hey

Ow

This is a rite of passage, Marcus.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Fire away.

Bombs away!

Thank you very much.

That was really the nicest Halloween I've...

well, that I've ever had, actually.

Well, then, in that case, you know,

I feel like, um, perhaps...

Uh, so sorry. I-I can't remember

- what your name is. - Oh.

It's Princess Glucosea.

My people have low blood sugar

and I should probably get back to them.

Mm. [Clears throat]

You know, a wise person once told me to

"be open to unexpected love and kindness."

- I got one right then. - [Chuckles]

Good night then. Night.

Oh, ho-ho, ho-ho. Okay.

So what was your favorite part of tonight?

- Seeing Andy get egged. - [Chuckles]

I really think the Halloween curse is broken now.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, it's the best holiday of the year, man.

You know what? I think I just had to go

- with the right person. - Well,

you're in, Andy's out. That's for sure.

Next year, we're going as Maverick and Goose.

I don't know who that is.

Yeah, I know, but I'll teach you.

All right.

You know, Will...

I really miss Dr. Sam too.

She's very easy to miss.

Look, I know it may not be the same,

but until you find another Sam,

I'm available to hang.

- Thank, buddy. - No problem.

Listen, I think the key for Halloween...

- Mm-hmm. - Is to eat all the candy

in one night.

Sync & corrections by madhatters www.addic7ed.com

Look at all those wrappers.

Do you think he ate all that?

Oh, no, no, no. Yeah, see, his window's open.

I'm sure most of them got sort of blown in

by the wind.

I actually don't think it's a bad thing.

I think it's good to sometimes

step outside your comfort zone,

and have fun in a different way.

- Really? - Mmm.

So, how was your night?

You get any... Sugar?

Well, I might have had a taste.

- Oh. - Yeah.

Lovely.

Anyway, I believe this is yours.

Someone hurled it through my window last night.

Oh, Maya Angelou, so beautiful.

Do you know I've actually set a lot of her poetry to music?

I'm never going to want to hear it, okay?

- Be a rainbow

- Stop it, stop it!

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