All language subtitles for About a Boy s01e11 About a Birthday Party.eng

So, who gets the last waffle?

Oh. Oh. I think it should go to the person

who was the most sexually
extraordinary last night,

don't you?

- I agree. Thank you.
- Okay.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. You were good,

but, um, I think I was
just a little bit better.

[Laughs]

You're full of yourself this morning.

I was wondering if you
would do something for me.

I'm trying to imagine
what I wouldn't do for you.

- Mm-hmm.
- No, I'd do that.

- Mm?
- Definitely do that.

That I'd have to be pretty drunk for,

and even then, it would be a little dicey.

Yeah, not that... Yet.

- [Laughs]
- Soon.

No, there's a gala for the hospital

Sunday afternoon, and
I'd love for you to come.

A gala for the hospital?

- Mm-hmm.
- That...

Shouldn't be a problem.

My boss will be there.

It's kind of a big-deal event.

Yeah, that shouldn't be a problem.

- I go every year.
- Mm-hmm.

And it's always plus-one.

And everyone's always like,
"where's your plus-one?

"why are you alone?" I
just never had a plus-one

that I wanted to bring.

And this year I do.

That shouldn't... Shouldn't be a problem.

That's three "shouldn't be a problems"

and zero "I'd love to come."

- Three to zero?
- Mm-hmm.

That was the score of
the A's game last night.

Well, I know.

Hey, Will!

- Mm.
- Oh, hey!

Hey, bud, little... busy times.

Busy times.

I just wanted to remind
you that my birthday

is this Saturday.

Got it. Okay. We'll see you later.

- Hi, Dr. Sam.
- Hey.

You must've gotten here early.

Is that Will's shirt?
It fits you differently.

Oh, sweet, a waffle!

Okay, buddy, I'm gonna circle around

the old birthday thing
and figure something out

that's real good, and in the meantime,

- I'd like you to leave.
- It's fine.

You can give me my present anytime.

I'm not having a party.

What... what do you mean
you're not having a party?

New kids at school don't
typically throw parties,

especially when they're
convinced no one will come.

I don't even want to hear it.

I'm talking to your madre,

and we are throwing you a bash, okay?

Now scram, for real.

Oh, Marcus, are you pressuring
Will into giving you a...

oh, hello, Sam.

- Didn't see you there...
- Hi.

Pants-less in front of my 11-year-old.

Well, she's in my house,
and it's the morning.

Oy! Are you eating a waffle?

- One can dream.
- Will...

You know he is gluten intolerant.

Ah, know he's gluten intolerant,

but to be fair, I'm not
exactly clear on what gluten is.

Well, how does he
normally react to gluten...

bloating, rash, diarrhea?

It was, like, sexy in
here, like, 20 seconds ago.

I get none of those symptoms
when I eat gluten at Will's.

Maybe Will is my cure.

If you haven't had him
tested, you might want to,

- just to make sure.
- Mm.

Darling, could you just

hop back through the wall, please?

I think I'm, uh... I'm
gonna go put some clothes on.

Yeah, okay. This has got to stop.

- What?
- Now, listen...

We have a no-store-bought-gift
policy in our family.

I would actually love it

and be shocked if you honored that.

We're gonna table the whole gift thing.

We are throwing him a party.

It's... it's a very nice idea, Will,

but you can't imagine how painful

Marcus' birthday parties have been.

Really? What did he do...

pin the tail on the
wrong part of the donkey?

On his fifth birthday, I got him a hamster,

but I forgot to troubleshoot
the neighbors' cat.

So he ended up watching
his present be ingested.

On his eighth birthday,

I got this clown to come and perform,

but it turned out he had

surprisingly fierce political views,

and he ended up egging me.

Last year might've been the worst.

I substituted baby carrots and apple slices

for candy in a pi?ata,

which I thought was a lovely idea.

- [Quietly] It was.
- I can't really talk about

the ensuing melee.

Let's just say we're in a
new city. It's a fresh start.

If we throw him a party,

it cannot be another birthday catastrophe.

I know you're worried
that no kids will show up,

but they will, and I'll be there,

and Will at your party
means fun at your party.

- Is that your slogan?
- Yeah, it could be.

[Brett Dennen's Comeback
Kid (That's my dog)]

[cheers and applause]

Listen, it's been two days
since Fiona sent out the e-vite,

and no one is coming.

That is quite bad.

But if I can get this
cool kid Jackson to come,

others will follow.

I'm so creeped out by what we're doing.

We're two grown men lurking outside of a...

hello, ma'am. How are you?

Yeah, we're waiting for our child.

Lurking outside of a middle school,

waiting to accost some
child that we don't even know

so we can invite him to Marcus' birthday.

We're not lurking. We're
just standing here, okay?

We're leaning.

We're just leaning against a car, dude.

That's... that's all we're doing.

Oh, dude, stop... stop leaning, man.

I thought you said to lean.

You have a super-creepy lean.

Just stand. Just stand.

- Fine.
- Oh, there's Jackson.

Here, let's go. Come on!

Okay, people have been
arrested for far less than this.

Yo, Jackson. What's up, man?

I'm Will, Marcus' neighbor.

How you doing?

- This is, uh...
- I'm no one.

I have no name.

I mean, I'm a cool guy, though.

I-I have kids.

I mean, I don't... they're my kids.

I don't have them.

- What's going on here?
- Oh, nothing's going on, man.

We're just wondering, are you going

to Marcus' party on Saturday?

I was, but Mitchell Cook's
party's on the same day.

Oh, there's our answer.
Let's get out of here.

No, no, but you're
Marcus' sleepover bro, man.

Why aren't you going to his party?

Marcus is cool in a weird way,

but Mitchell's party is gonna be hype.

It's gonna be, uh...

- He say hype?
- Hype?

Swimming pool, DJ,

a grilled-cheese truck.

That's, like, no big deal. Standard.

A game truck, seven giant gaming stations,

a leather couch, laser lights...

Surround sound.

That is dope.

That's our generation's version of "hype."

No one outdoes a Will party.

This just got personal.

Yes!

Oh, hi, Dr. Sam.

Will said you'd be here, and I wanted to be

the first to greet you.

You should know that our
doors are always open to you.

Thank you, Marcus. You're
an excellent greeter.

So did you save any lives today?

I bet you did.

I think you have the coolest job ever.

Did you know one of my real-life dreams

was to ride in an ambulance?

I didn't, but...

I want to be just hurt
enough that I get to ride

in an ambulance, but not so hurt

that I'm not consciously aware of it.

Yeah, I'm thinking...

Strained knee or maybe
even a mild concussion.

You are a genius.

- [Laughs]
- Oh, he's not here.

But I'm expecting him shortly.

I see.

I took your advice and
flooded my system with gluten.

- You did what?
- I, uh...

I flooded my system with gluten.

Or to put it in laymen's terms,

I had three hot dogs, without the dog part.

Not only do I tolerate gluten,

I frickin' love it.

My apologies for cussing.

No, darling, you are gluten intolerant,

because you were diagnosed
by that wonderful shaman

we met on kibbutz in hod hasharon.

You know, many food
allergies are misdiagnosed.

Yes, by many medical professionals.

And shaman nonprofessionals.

Mm.

Oh. Uh, I need to talk to you.

- I've been waiting for you.
- I really need to talk to you.

Sam.

I would love to come to the gay-la.

Gala. Gay-la?

- Gala.
- Gala.

Does that word trip anyone else up?

- No.
- I would love to come,

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Thank you.

Let's hold that thought. Get in here.

- All right?
- [Laughs]

Okay? Take off any clothes you want, okay?

You're coming with me.

[Door closes]

[Coin clatters]

A game truck?

Not "a" game truck.

"The" game truck...

seven gaming consoles, leather couches,

speakers that will make their
tiny little ears bleed with joy.

And this sounds desirable to you?

Not desirable.

Hype!

It is antisocial and promotes violence

as entertainment.

Okay, fine.

What is your idea of entertainment?

And please don't answer
if it's a terrible answer.

What I want to do is something

that will bring all the
children together as one

and allow them to be the creative beings

that they are naturally,

and it is making beautiful,

nontoxic bubble shapes...

Together.

And, of course, if some of the children

want to whisper a hope
and a dream into the bubble

before they release it into the universe,

- even better.
- That is...

So much worse than I expected.

- What?
- Listen...

We got to move the party,

and we got to make it hype!

Stop saying "hype." I'm
not moving the party,

and I'm not compromising the integrity

of the party by making
it a mind-suck on wheels

just to lure guests.

Okay, that's fine. That's fine.

But please know that when the party

is me, you, and Marcus sitting around

blowing hope bubbles into the world,

my hope will be to be
at Mitchell's party...

Or dead.

I got to say, it's pretty impressive, will.

You do the right thing by Dr. Sam.

Then you do the right thing with Fiona

by convincing her to move the party.

- Pretty good stuff.
- I still have to find

something hype to draw
people to Marcus' party.

I mean, anything remotely hype

is already booked

- I got something hype.
- What do you got?

You know what I got.

Oh, no. Andy, no.

Don't e...

Andy, I beg you, please don't do this!

Andy! Stop it!

Andy, stop it!

Andini, master of illusion!

We retired Andini.

Ooh.

Oh.

Definitely not hype.

No, listen, Sanjeev,

I don't mind paying a bit more

for nontoxic bubble soap,

but, I mean, it's got to work, hasn't it?

Look at that. I mean, you
can't see what I'm looking at,

but there's no bubbles.

It's just costly soap, isn't it?

How high can the hot-air balloon be

over the house, and how many people

can bungee jump at the same time

without slamming into each other?

[Stammering] That's not happening!

Let me... Let me call you back.

Okay, we are... we are totally screwed.

I mean, every cool party
thing has been booked

months in advance.

We're not screwed.

I sent out an e-vite with
the new date and time,

and two people already
RSVP'd in the affirmative.

Marcus barely knows one of them.

They're not his top choices, but still,

they are warm bodies coming
to celebrate his birthday

on Sunday afternoon, right?

There we go. We can build on that.

- Okay.
- Okay, cool.

What... you said you moved
it to Sunday afternoon?

That's when you did it?

Yeah, that's what we agreed.

- That's what we agreed on.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, I was just making sure.
- Great.

Same time as Sam's gay-la.

Gah-la. [Sighs]

Take a look around, play some games.

I got to go take care of the cupcake truck

- for another party.
- Okay, sweet, thank you.

Yep.

You said we were meeting
with a holistic party planner.

What's he gonna do...

Reiki, while you jack a car

on Grand Theft Auto?

- I'm leaving.
- Listen...

I know you hate everything
about this truck.

But Marcus will love it.

All his friends will too.

So, if you say no to it,
the calamity is on you.

And I may egg you.

- [Video game sounds]
- [Whispers] Oh, my God.

All right.

Now we're talking. Here we go.

Where is this guy?

- Any questions?
- Oh, hey.

Uh, no questions whatsoever. We want it.

We will take it Sunday
at 1:00 P.M., please.

- You kidding me?
- No, we're not kidding.

We're serious as a
Chelsea/Arsenal shootout.

Well, we're booked up all day Sunday.

Well, how much do you charge an hour?

$350 for two hours.

The balls on you to charge that much!

I'll give you $500 for two hours.

- It's booked.
- $1,000 for two hours.

- Oh.
- I hear myself saying "booked."

Do you not hear me saying "booked"?

I hear myself saying $2,000 for one hour.

Will. Get... Excuse us for a second.

Come on... just come here.

- 2,500.
- Stop it!

Are you insane?

I screwed up, okay?

I can't even go to this party.

What are you talking about?

Sam invited me to this event on Sunday,

and I told her I'd go.

You know, it's really important to her...

- Oh, my God.
- And she wants me there.

And I thought, like,

if at Marcus' party, there's just, like,

a few stragglers and I'm not there,

he's gonna be super bummed, but if there's

this awesome game truck
packed with his buddies...

- you know?
- All right.

I'll just tell Sam I won't go.

I-I'll just tell her I won't go.

No, Will, no.

You're trying to do a nice thing, I know.

But you've got a commitment to Sam.

You've got to honor that.

Now we've got to get this truck, right?

Now we have to get the truck.

All right, I'm gonna go talk to him.

No, 'cause your money's no good.

Just...

Let me try.

Hello.

I just wanted to apologize
for my crass friend

trying to bribe your patronage.

That's okay. I've seen it all.

Have you? I bet you have.

I was just wondering, because I really need

to rent your mobile gaming establishment,

if there was anything that I could say...

Or do...

To make you change your mind.

I'm listening.

Uh, maybe you could perform some sort

of scheduling switcheroo,

and if you did that,

you would make me a very grateful...

- Woman.
- Really?

How grateful?

The most grateful woman...

Short of actually having to perform

any sort of sex with you.

Would that work?

I'd like to help you out,

but Sunday's my nephew's birthday.

I mean, I don't especially like the kid,

but I got to give him the truck.

Well, then what'd you
make me do all that for?

I don't know... I was kind
of enjoying all the attention.

- You're kind of hot.
- Bloody hell.

Want to get a beer sometime?

- Ride the wiener truck?
- No.

Perfect birthday for my Marcus.

Listen, I don't want
you to get all concerned

about what's going on over there, okay?

Your party is going to be great.

Okay?

We got you a magician

who's super... Interesting,

and we got your mom to
acknowledge medical facts,

and you're gonna be eating
a cake that has gluten in it.

No sugar, but, you know,

I hear agave is pretty good.

And then, you know, you got
four confirmed party guests

of varying degrees of popularity,

and, you know, I know that doesn't sound

like a-a big number, but...

Are you kidding?

That's the best number I've had
since my party at the kibbutz.

And those people were
required by the Torah to come.

And truthfully, I really only care

that my best friend will be there.

In case it's unclear...

[Chuckles] I'm referring to you.

Listen, Marcus, I got to
talk to you about something.

I'm not gonna be able to be at your party.

You're... you're not?

No, I really, really want to be there, man,

but, see, Sam invited me to this gala,

and she's real special to me too,

and so I told her I'd be there.

You know, you and I will
celebrate another time,

and it'll be like having two birthdays.

Oh, and in the meantime, I
got you a pretty crazy gift

that I think is gonna make your mom freak.

Do you want to open it now?

Thanks, Will. I'll...

I'm gonna open it later.

Ugh.

Better than the kibbutz.

Whoa, this is insane.

and you look ridiculously beautiful.

I thought you were gonna wear scrubs

with some nice earrings,
maybe a little rouge.

Okay, no woman has said "rouge" since 1954.

- [Chuckles]
- But thank you.

Hey...

I'm really glad that you're here.

Me too.

Hey, not with all these people watching.

Oh, I don't care who sees us.

[Laughing] My boss is here.

- Dr. Sam.
- Ah.

- Hi.
- Well...

Look who finally brought
a plus-one to the party.

Yeah, that's not a big deal, Bev.

Oh, it's a huge deal.

Everybody's checking
you out, but, you know,

I'm the only one who'll say something.

You're looking good, Will.

Oh, thank you, Bev. So are you.

Thank you. And we will be dancing.

Oh, as long as it's a slow dance, I'm in.

Oh. Be still my heart.

[Both laugh]

Let's go in. Come on.

Hi. Dr. Samantha Lake.

[Classical piano music]

What are you doing?

I can't be here.

What do you mean?

I got to go to Marcus' birthday party.

But we're here.

I told everyone you were coming.

My boss is right over there.

I know, I know,

and I know how much this means to you,

but his party is a total disaster, Sam,

and it is all my fault.

Will, you know I like Marcus...

A lot.

And I love that you do things for him.

But you always leave me to go do them.

Which is great for Marcus,
and it's great for you,

but it's... it's not so great for me.

I-I don't want to be the
one that's always left alone.

You're 100% right.

I don't want you to be alone either.

I never want you to be alone.

But this little guy, like,
really needs me today,

and I got to be there for him.

I'm so sorry.

I-I am so sorry.

I just hope you understand.

Ha ha ha! Please observe.

Oh!

There wasn't a flower.
Now there's a flower!

Nothing?

All right, okay.

You know, I didn't fall in love with Andy.

I saw Andini, Master of Illusion,

doing magic down by pier 39,

and I thought, "that man needs me."

And look at him now.

He's a better man because of me.

Still not the greatest illusionist, though.

Tell me about it. it's hard to watch.

Is this... Is this your card?

No, Andy.

It's Andini, Master of Illusion.

If you could call me that, that'd be great.

- Is that your card?
- No, Andy.

This is your card.

No.

This is your card!

- No, it's not.
- It is your card!

- Okay? It is!
- Is this your card?

Will, you're here!

The party is saved!

Great. Two crappy magicians.

- What?
- Let's go.

Yeah, we're out of here.

- Worst party ever, Marcus.
- Uh...

- Yeah.
- And so it continues.

Okay, hold on, kids. I'm in charge now.

Back to the table right now.

Who wants to see me pull
a rabbit out of this hat?

You're not gonna do it.
In the name of magic,

I got to ask you to cease and desist.

This is my trick.

Abracadabra,

hocus pocus.

- No, don't do that!
- [Rabbit squeaking]

- No, no, no, no, no.
- [Crunch]

- Agh! Oh!
- [Screaming, muttering]

Get it off! Get it off!

Aah!

- The rabbit!
- Where's the rabbit?

[Siren blips]

Bloody hell, that's good service.

- Where did...
- Where'd the rabbit go?

A serious emergency has been reported...

some kids not having
fun at a birthday party?

- A real ambulance?
- Yes, it is.

And hey, Marcus, if you want,

we can take your friends on a ride.

- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- Take the ride now!

- Let's ride!
- Yeah!

- Yes!
- Let's go, let's go!

You have no idea how happy I am...

[Laughing] To see you.

Come on, Will, let's ride!

- Oh!
- Eew!

That's nasty.

Dr. Lake, call came in.

Your boyfriend's rabbit made its way

over to Elm Street, caused a Fender bender.

Hey, birthday boy.

Flip the siren.

[Siren wails]

[Boys cheering]

- Yeah!
- Whoa!

[Imitating siren wailing]

I got to ring the siren,

and Sam let me hold the E.K.G. paddles.

We wanted to shock Andini, but...

[Chuckles] We couldn't keep him down.

Don't worry, darling.

You know, he lives with Laurie,

so there's no shortage of pain in his life.

It's time to open it.

[Laughs] Oh, Will, I don't need a present.

I already had the best birthday of my life.

Just open it.

Is this outside the
store-bought-present policy?

Oh.

A hammer.

Wow. Just, uh,

just... just wow.

There's more to it.

- I was kind of hoping.
- Come here.

Sweet.

I've always wanted my own pile of wood.

It's not just a random
pile of wood, Marcus.

Together, with some other
wood and maybe some tools,

we are gonna build a tree house!

Good luck topping this,
future birthday parties.

Do you have any idea how to
actually build a tree house?

Mom, it's Will. Of course he doesn't,

but we're gonna build it anyway.

Sounds hype.

Does it still count as a homemade gift

if I pay someone else to do it?

- No.
- I didn't think so.

[inhales, exhales slowly]

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