Original subtitles

I can't believe I got assigned baseball as my activity at my school's Field Day.

Those are the breaks, man.

I mean, were we hoping for soccer

where you could hide on defense? Sure.

Or basketball, where you could avoid ball contact? Absolutely.

But the gods gave us baseball, so...

But I'm terrible at baseball.

Well, we have 48 hours to get less terrible, so here we go.

First things first,

we got to look like a ballplayer.

So what I want you to do is,

grab your junk and spit.

- [Spits] - My what?

Maybe just... Just spit. Do the spit part.

[Coughs, spits weakly]

That was the worst spit I've ever seen.

You got dribble.

Maybe get the... oh, you got a hankie.

All right, let's set up a home plate here.

So here is home plate.

All right, batter up.

Okay, I'm gonna pitch you the ball.

Lean into it. Here we go.

All right, that wasn't that bad.

Oh, that actually was bad.

So do you think my teammates

will limit their disappointment to just verbal beratement,

or am I facing an actual beatdown here?

Be honest.

It's the uncertainty that's hard for me.

Big news.

Guess who's coming for a visit from Antarctica.

- [Squeals] - His plane landed.

He's gonna be here any second.

[Squeals]

And he's gonna stay for three days.

Three whole days.

[Squeals]

Okay, stop that noise, please.

- Use your words. - Words? I have no words.

All I have is... [Squealing, laughing]

[Car horn honks]

[Squealing]

All right, everybody settle down.

Who do you know from Antarctica?

- Daddy! - Oh, my God.

Isn't he just like Sean Connery?

Here we go.

[Brett Dennen's Comeback Kid (That's my dog)]

well, maybe it's the common curse

maybe things get bad before they get worse

I don't want to become someone

who can't live up to what I already done, don't

here comes a comeback

the kid is back, is back on track

and there goes my hero

he's the underdog, he's coming out on top, and

[cheers and applause]

Oh, I am so excited you're here, dad.

Did you bring me presents?

What? Did I bring you presents?

Of course I brought you presents.

[Laughs] How exciting.

Looks like someone forgot to do a nut check.

Oh, God. Yeah, oh.

Marcus's dad obviously forgot

that peanuts will kill him.

[Gasps] Right.

These were obviously meant

as a toy, darling.

Look, maracas.

Arriba!

If that breaks even a tiny little bit,

don't think about it, just run.

- Hmm. - Okay?

Hi.

Neighbor.

Ah. Father.

- Will. - [Squeals]

The two most important men of my life

are meeting each other!

- [Laughs] - Charmed.

Or, as a penguin would say,

"kee kee kee kee kee kee, honk!"

[Laughter]

I'm joking.

If we were really meeting as penguins,

you would bow and quiver before me.

[Chuckles] You first, man.

Marcus's dad is a penguin researcher

in Antarctica,

which, as you can imagine, is quite glamorous.

- Quite. - Yeah, no.

I can't even imagine that.

Well, I brought

a PowerPoint presentation for you.

Will, you have to come over later.

It will literally rock your world.

Oh, man, would I love to do that,

but I'm gonna stay at home and never see that.

[Dryer whirring]

Girl. [Laughs]

[Rapid knocking on door]

[Tv show continues indistinctly]

- Hi. - Hi.

- I need your help. - What is on your ear?

Oh, Hugh's demonstrating how he tracked penguins.

He and Marcus are looking for a mate,

and I'm the eligible female.

It is mind-boggling to me

what you will do for your kid.

Marcus so badly wants to connect with his father

and, you know, with Hugh it's all about penguins.

Why don't you just say something to him?

Can you please just come to the penguin presentation

and just steer the conversation?

No can do. There's a small chance

that Sam may get out of work early today,

and if she does, we're gonna finally

consummate our relationship, you know, sexually, so...

Oh. Excellent, excellent.

Great, great, great.

Well, do you think you could reschedule the sex?

You know, for Marcus?

Are you seriously asking me

to choose a penguin PowerPoint presentation

over sex with a beautiful woman?

What is wrong with you?

I mean, to help a wonderful boy

connect with his father, who he barely sees

twice a year if he's lucky.

[Sighs] Okay, fine.

I'm gonna tell you something, all right?

If there's even a small faint hint of a whiff

that Sam is getting off early, I am so gone.

Okay, thank you.

And if it's not pushing it too far,

would it be an inconvenience

for Hugh to stay with you over at your place?

- Too far! - What is wrong with you?

Okay, okay, okay. Listen.

I can't be alone with him.

If we are left alone in the same space,

I succumb to such intense carnal desire.

[Gagging] Oh, God!

- No, wait, wait, wait, wait. - I just ate.

It's very confusing for Marcus.

And get this, a penguin can expel their waste

up to 40 centimeters from the nest.

That's like you and me shooting our poop for 5 feet.

- [Laughs] - Cool.

[Gasps]

There she is. The female.

Oh, Hugh.

I will make you mine, female.

[Grunting, shivering]

- May I? - You may.

[Grunting, shivering]

[Moans]

Wow.

Finally we're a normal family again.

[Shivering]

[Gasps] There's Lewis and the other members of his rookery

just gazing upon the Antarctic tundra.

Oh, I just love that.

Sometimes I just like to stand with him

and try to imagine what he's thinking.

You know, I bet he's just happy

to be there with you, dad.

Actually, penguins are incapable

of developing emotional attachment to humans.

Next slide, Fifi.

Aw!

Now, this is Winchell. Winchell.

Now, notice his pallor.

He's what we call a leucistic penguin,

which is kind of a polite way of saying

he's a freak show, he's a social misfit.

He's an outcast.

Now, can you feel the anger

the other penguins have towards him?

He will eventually be driven from the colony and eaten.

- Eaten? - That's nature, Marcus.

Next slide, Fifi.

Oh.

What's this?

I wonder how that got in there.

Well, anyway, it's me, practicing for Field Day,

which is on Earth Day.

I got assigned baseball, but I kind of suck.

He's a little nervous about it,

but he just needs some practice.

Hugh, maybe you could help Marcus with his baseball.

Fifi, you know sports aren't my forte.

Next slide, Fifi.

Hmm, why do you want me to sleep here?

It's the firmest sleep surface in both of our places,

which is best for your sciatica.

All right, bathroom's upstairs,

and extra blankets are up there too.

I don't need any blankets.

I'm a hot sleeper.

You always have been.

[Moans]

[Groaning]

- Good night, all. - Mm-hmm.

Good night.

Kee kee kee kee kee kee kee kee.

All right, dude, well...

Oh, my God!

Dude!

I like to sleep as the penguins do.

Just keep your beak off my leather, all right, man?

- Nose or penis? - [Groans]

[Sighs]

[Groans]

a man's man

some say that's what I am

but it don't feel that way

and I still do what I can

I try

I've tried

I'm still trying to make you see

[sighs]

- That is nice. - [Grunts]

if you can forget about him

you can forget about me

[murmurs]

[Knocking at door]

Um, do you want to get that or...

[Murmurs]

- [Screams] - [Yelps]

What the hell are you doing, man?

- What? - Dude!

This is not cool, dude!

- Not cool! - Why?

- Uncool! - What?

[Knocking continues]

Will.

Hey, I didn't know you were coming.

The most amazing thing happened in the E.R. today.

Cardiac arrest patient comes in dead on arrival.

I mean, this guy is gone.

So I grab the defib paddles, zap him, and boom.

- Heartbeat. Back from the dead. - Wow, that's amazing.

I know, it was so incredible.

And, you know, the entire time,

the only thing I could think was,

"I can't wait to tell Will."

- I... oh. - [Both moaning]

Look...

I know my schedule is crazy

and you're doing the whole gentleman thing

wanting the timing to be right for us to...

- You know. - Mm-hmm.

But I'm on such a high right now.

I mean, the guy was dead.

You reanimated someone.

I mean, that's incredibly sexy.

What I'm saying is,

I know the moment hasn't been perfect.

But, um, maybe we could make the moment perfect.

- Yes. Yes. - Mm? Mmm.

[Quirky music]

Ah.

Hello.

Oh, hello.

Will, something in your bed is giving me a rash.

I'm sorry, you're who?

Oh, no, no, no no, no. Not who. Hugh.

Oh, I love that joke.

I Marcus's father.

And it is just a charm to meet you.

This is Hugh.

Hugh is the... he's rooming with me

just a couple days.

- It's... - Oh.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Hey, Will, even though your bed gives me a rash,

it's better for my back,

so do you think you guys could do the deed down here?

I apologize if the couch is damp.

- I get very sweaty. - [Clears throat]

Yeah, you know, I'm... I'm gonna go.

- I... I... yeah. - Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Yeah.

Oh, it was lovely meeting you.

Oh, it was lovely meeting you.

You are gorgeous.

- I... I... - [Sighs]

Mm.

Oh, why'd she leave?

All right, dude. Listen to me, okay?

Your pants stay on your body. Your body stays on the couch.

- You got that? - You're upset.

I am a little upset.

We need an open dialogue.

You need to let it out.

- You want an open dialogue? - I do.

Let's talk about Marcus.

There's nothing that kid wants more

than to spend some quality time with you, okay?

Time with his dad.

Time that doesn't involve speaking in penguin.

So if you want to make him happy,

help him get ready for Field Day.

It's the most important thing in his life right now.

- Good morning, Will. - [Yawns]

I'm just helping my dad soak up

some medically necessary sunshine.

So here we are, spending quality time together.

Yes!

Shouldn't you guys be practicing?

You know, for Field Day?

I know you're worried about my son getting humiliated, Will,

but I told him not to worry.

You know what, dad told me there's no embarrassment

in failing at something as meaningless as a ball sport.

- Right, dad? - Yep.

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Hold on. - I mean, come on.

The real measure of a man can't be determined by his

[drawling] athletic ability.

- What? - Oh, my.

No shirt.

Can I speak to you please?

Fifi.

We have a serious situation outside.

He just told Marcus that ball sports don't matter.

Yeah, I know, but they're talking,

which is far more important.

Field Day is tomorrow.

He needs to learn some basic ball skills.

Will, out there is a boy so eager to connect with his dad

that he's willing to actually sit in direct sunlight.

All right, well, he shouldn't have to sit in direct sunlight,

nor should he have to play playtime

with a bag of airline peanuts.

It's fine. Don't worry.

Honestly, it's fine.

Okay, well, you can choose to ignore it,

but I'm not gonna pretend like it's not total crap

that Marcus's father doesn't know his kid at all.

Will, you don't understand this situation

because you're not a parent.

Yeah, all right.

I don't understand the situation.

If you want Marcus's relationship with his dad

to improve at all,

you got to say something.

But what do I know? I'm not a parent.

Oh, Hugh, he's out there playing baseball by himself.

Invited him to watch this penguin feed

and he had no interest.

He's not interested in penguins.

He's nervous about his Field Day.

Why are you being so difficult?

You're never like this.

This is because of Will, isn't it?

I don't understand how you can take no interest

in your son's life.

[Scoffing] No interest?

My sacrifice was for the good of science.

Oh, you want to talk about penguins.

- Yes. - Fine.

Let's talk about that pale little bugger.

What's his name?

The one that looks a bit like a fetus.

Poor Winchell.

All that was left was a beak and one foot.

Well, children can be every bit as cruel as leopard seals.

Marcus will be lucky if those children leave him

with a beak and a foot.

He needs his dad.

It's been a long time since one of our arguments.

As I recall,

they often led to, um,

intimacy.

- Hugh, while you're here... - Mm-hmm.

Please, can you just try and be a good dad?

[Lost in time by Whitley]

we walk along

through endless night

and suddenly it's all about to change

and all I could have been

and all I would have been

was lost in time

and all I could have been

and all I would have been

was lost in time

Oh, my God.

Hugh, what's going on?

Oh, it's a disaster, Fifi.

At least with Winchell, I had closure.

Oh, no, has a penguin gone missing?

Oh, not just any penguin. It's Stefan.

Well, no, wait.

Can't you just go online and fix it?

They need me to be there.

I just got the first flight back to Antarctica.

I'm leaving in 30 minutes.

But it's Earth Day.

Know.

On a day we celebrate the Earth,

Stefan disappears.

Hugh, it's Marcus's Field Day.

He's got his baseball game in a couple of hours.

Fiona, did you not hear me, sweetie?

It's Stefan.

He's the regal male captain.

Well, let me go and wake Marcus up

so he can say good-bye to you.

No, Fifi, no. I got to get going.

I got to get to the airport. There's not enough time.

[Door clicks shut]

[Wistful guitar music]

Oy!

I can't do this anymore.

I can't pretend that you are a good father,

can't make excuses to Marcus

about why you put penguins before him.

It breaks my heart that he can't have

a real relationship with his dad, Hugh.

He deserves so much better.

I wish I could do better, Fiona.

I am really good with penguins.

And you're really good with Marcus.

I'm sorry, Fiona.

[Car turning over]

No, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no. Fiona!

Fiona! Fifi!

What? What is it? What is it? What is it?

Oh, my God, I'm stopping you from having sex with Hugh.

Tight spaces. Will you let me... help me out here.

- Okay. - Oh!

You're too late.

No. Ew!

Gross. You already did it?

So I'm, like, catching you in the afterglow.

We didn't have sex. He left.

What?

He had a penguin emergency.

What about Field Day? Marcus is gonna be crushed.

Yeah.

I'm trying to think of how I can soften the blow for him.

Well, don't.

Don't soften it.

Yeah, but...

- You don't understand. - I don't understand, right.

Even though it's completely clear to me...

[Footsteps approaching]

[Quietly] That Marcus deserves

to know the truth.

Oh, boy. Nobody else could sleep either?

Where's dad?

I want to get some last-minute batting practice in

before the big event.

This is gonna be the best day ever.

Darling, listen.

He's, um...

Dad's not gonna be able to be here today.

Why not?

I wish I had a good reason,

but your dad...

the thing is...

The thing is, Marcus,

there's not a good reason, buddy.

There's just a really

great reason.

When I tell you about the sitch in Antarctica

and how they called your dad

'cause he's the only one in the world

who can save the day,

I mean, you're gonna be like, "whoa, daddy!"

[Chuckles]

Let's go play some baseball.

- I'll tell you all about it. - All right.

[Indistinct chatter]

All right, well, here you go.

Perfect fit.

- [Sighs] - [Sighs]

Hey, Marcus, hold up.

You know, before your dad left,

he asked me to tell you something.

He... he said that, you know,

no matter what happens out there

that, um...

That I'm proud of you.

[Upbeat music]

[Sighs]

[Cheers and applause]

- I feel sick. - Oh, yeah.

He looks so scared and fragile out there.

Oh, no, it's gonna be good. He's got this, all right?

- Strike! - Oh.

Shake it off, sweet pea! You're doing great.

- Strike two! - [Kids laughing]

Little girl,

laughing at people as they struggle

is not nice.

Okay, simmer down, "Blind Side".

[Head Alame by Portugal The Man]

I became a child of the universe

reborn into this galactic prism

my head was like a flame

ah

my eyes were red

well, we all get strange

- Whoo! - Run!

and we know it

and we're cool with it

and we all get a little bit older

- ? in this day and age ? - Safe!

[Both cheering]

- Whoo-hoo, hoo-hoo! - Yeah!

That's my neighbor!

Oh, my God!

- Whoo! - That's my son!

Whoo!

Oh, oh.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

He was so nervous, you could...

the tension was just, like, it was palpable.

I'm getting nervous just looking at this.

Here he comes to the plate.

I mean, the people in the audience

were just going... like, no one was talking.

People were... oh, God.

- Here comes pitch two. - Will.

This is very difficult to watch.

- Oh, my gosh. - Will?

Oh! Marcus, Marcus.

Will!

I am so sorry.

[Both moaning]

I am so sorry.

Mm, wait. Wait, wait, wait.

What? What, what, what? What, what?

[Sighs]

I need to see the kid hit.

- Oh! - [Both laugh]

- Okay, all right, here. - Okay.

Watch this. Watch this.

And here it comes.

[Baseball bat cracks]

- He did it! - Look at him run.

- Look at him. - Look at him run.

Oh my God, he's adorable.

Oh, he must have been so happy.

Sync and corrections by madhatters www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0