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1
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_
2
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Well now, do you think
there's enough glitter on it?
3
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There's not enough glitter in the
world to express how excited I am.
4
00:00:06,898 --> 00:00:09,226
My mom coming into my school
5
00:00:09,238 --> 00:00:11,740
to volunteer every day for an entire week.
6
00:00:11,747 --> 00:00:14,583
Oh yeah!
Ho, ho, ho, yeah!
7
00:00:14,620 --> 00:00:17,158
Hello, pretty. Come to papa.
8
00:00:17,159 --> 00:00:18,336
What's in the envelope, Will?
9
00:00:18,348 --> 00:00:20,317
Well, every time "Runaway Sleigh"
10
00:00:20,367 --> 00:00:22,187
is played anywhere in the
world, I get royalties.
11
00:00:22,261 --> 00:00:25,837
And then once a quarter, I get
a big-ass check in the mail.
12
00:00:25,872 --> 00:00:27,072
Wow! How big-ass is it?
13
00:00:27,106 --> 00:00:29,107
Yeah, no, money is a
private matter, darling.
14
00:00:29,142 --> 00:00:31,576
Okay, big money, big money!
15
00:00:31,611 --> 00:00:33,178
No whammy!
16
00:00:33,212 --> 00:00:34,313
Yeah!
17
00:00:34,347 --> 00:00:35,514
Hey
18
00:00:35,548 --> 00:00:37,082
We're rich!
19
00:00:37,116 --> 00:00:39,151
Bloody hell!
20
00:00:39,185 --> 00:00:40,719
Uh-uh! Huh! Huh!
21
00:00:43,823 --> 00:00:45,257
Come on, quit bogarting the shark.
22
00:00:45,291 --> 00:00:46,458
Let me just fly it.
23
00:00:46,492 --> 00:00:47,626
Awesome!
24
00:00:47,660 --> 00:00:48,994
A golf club that dispenses beverages!
25
00:00:49,028 --> 00:00:50,996
Hell-o! What do we have here?
26
00:00:51,030 --> 00:00:53,865
Ice-cold margaritas on demand.
Come to papa.
27
00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:56,168
Dude, what's with all
the "come to papa" lately?
28
00:00:56,202 --> 00:00:57,969
Dr. Sam loves margaritas.
29
00:00:58,004 --> 00:00:59,404
What's a margarita, Will?
30
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It's like a snow cone of bad decisions.
31
00:01:01,674 --> 00:01:02,674
Cool!
32
00:01:02,709 --> 00:01:03,809
So Dr. Sam... She call you back?
33
00:01:03,843 --> 00:01:05,677
Nope! Just a solitary curt text.
34
00:01:05,712 --> 00:01:07,179
"Sorry, Will, super busy."
35
00:01:07,213 --> 00:01:08,547
Have you been going through my cell phone?
36
00:01:08,581 --> 00:01:10,582
Sometimes it's the best
way to get to know a person.
37
00:01:10,616 --> 00:01:12,017
Personally, I would've drawn the line
38
00:01:12,051 --> 00:01:13,385
at five unreturned calls,
39
00:01:13,419 --> 00:01:14,920
but I respect your tenacity, Will.
40
00:01:14,954 --> 00:01:17,022
Here, go tell the sales
chick you wanna buy a shark.
41
00:01:17,056 --> 00:01:18,323
- Really?
- Actually, get two.
42
00:01:18,357 --> 00:01:19,891
- We're gonna wanna battle them.
- Awesome!
43
00:01:19,926 --> 00:01:22,961
Royalty checks are, like,
my second favorite thing now.
44
00:01:22,995 --> 00:01:24,196
Yeah, after hope and love.
45
00:01:24,230 --> 00:01:25,630
What?
46
00:01:25,665 --> 00:01:27,933
Did you want a shark too?
You just have to ask, Andy.
47
00:01:27,967 --> 00:01:29,568
No, I don't want a shark.
48
00:01:29,602 --> 00:01:31,603
Yes, I want a shark. Of
course I want a shark.
49
00:01:31,637 --> 00:01:34,339
I'm just worried about you
and this Dr. Sam situation.
50
00:01:34,374 --> 00:01:36,675
You're not the guy who
calls a girl a million times.
51
00:01:36,709 --> 00:01:38,310
I know, man! I can't help it.
52
00:01:38,344 --> 00:01:40,011
This girl is just ruining me!
53
00:01:40,046 --> 00:01:42,014
You know what? You can't call her again.
54
00:01:42,048 --> 00:01:44,082
Never again! You know why?
55
00:01:44,117 --> 00:01:46,885
Because it's getting
pathetic. You're pathetic.
56
00:01:46,919 --> 00:01:48,220
No, but you're right.
57
00:01:48,254 --> 00:01:50,021
Although...
58
00:01:50,056 --> 00:01:51,390
If I were to throw a party,
59
00:01:51,424 --> 00:01:53,158
then it wouldn't be pathetic to call,
60
00:01:53,192 --> 00:01:54,760
or even go by the hospital,
61
00:01:54,794 --> 00:01:56,128
because I'd have a reason to, right?
62
00:01:56,162 --> 00:01:57,462
If you love something...
63
00:01:57,497 --> 00:01:58,730
Set it free.
64
00:01:58,765 --> 00:02:00,766
Or if you love something,
65
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,668
you lure it to your house with margaritas.
66
00:02:03,703 --> 00:02:06,338
Come... to papa!
67
00:02:06,372 --> 00:02:09,074
This was, like, the best day ever!
68
00:02:09,108 --> 00:02:11,030
I wanna be independently
wealthy when I grow up.
69
00:02:11,068 --> 00:02:13,136
Darling, I want you to understand
70
00:02:13,173 --> 00:02:15,711
there is great joy that
comes from earning money
71
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:16,801
from a job well done.
72
00:02:16,826 --> 00:02:18,578
There is also a joy from buying
73
00:02:18,602 --> 00:02:20,869
a $500 margarita machine to bag a babe.
74
00:02:20,893 --> 00:02:23,890
- What did you just say?
- I-I'm not actually sure. I was repeating.
75
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:27,156
Mini Society cannot begin
soon enough, methinks.
76
00:02:27,186 --> 00:02:29,155
Tomorrow, I'm going to be assigning
77
00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:30,790
every villager with a different job.
78
00:02:30,821 --> 00:02:33,471
Look, you could be a blacksmith.
79
00:02:33,496 --> 00:02:35,106
Or a baker.
80
00:02:35,128 --> 00:02:37,828
You really get your hands dirty with
that one, but we clean them afterwards.
81
00:02:37,852 --> 00:02:40,676
- Mini society has a king?
- Well...
82
00:02:40,713 --> 00:02:43,190
Think how many royalty checks kings get!
83
00:02:43,214 --> 00:02:44,416
Could you make me king?
84
00:02:44,444 --> 00:02:46,912
No, because, you know,
they're chosen at random.
85
00:02:46,946 --> 00:02:48,313
I wanna be king.
86
00:02:48,347 --> 00:02:50,082
I must be king!
87
00:02:53,416 --> 00:02:56,321
Oh, I should've made it a Republic.
88
00:02:57,557 --> 00:02:59,291
Hey! Jaws is making
his final approach, man.
89
00:02:59,325 --> 00:03:01,426
I wanna go on record as saying
that this is not a good idea.
90
00:03:01,461 --> 00:03:02,494
- Noted.
- There's no way
91
00:03:02,528 --> 00:03:03,929
that thing is sterile.
92
00:03:03,963 --> 00:03:05,764
It could literally kill
someone... maybe me.
93
00:03:05,798 --> 00:03:07,733
[Groans] What's happening now?
94
00:03:07,767 --> 00:03:09,301
Hey, shut up! She's taking the envelope.
95
00:03:09,335 --> 00:03:10,969
- Ah!
- Stop moving around, dude!
96
00:03:11,004 --> 00:03:12,404
- She's taking the envelope.
- What? I'm not moving around.
97
00:03:12,438 --> 00:03:14,439
My back is involuntarily spasming.
98
00:03:14,474 --> 00:03:15,640
[Struggling] I can't hold it.
99
00:03:15,675 --> 00:03:18,110
- She took it!
- _
100
00:03:24,217 --> 00:03:25,250
- Yes!
- Ah!
101
00:03:25,284 --> 00:03:26,685
Yes! She gave me the thumbs up, man!
102
00:03:26,719 --> 00:03:28,587
- Ow!
- Dr. Sam said yes!
103
00:03:28,621 --> 00:03:30,489
- Get off me!
- [Laughing]
104
00:03:30,523 --> 00:03:31,623
Whoo-hoo!
105
00:03:31,657 --> 00:03:33,325
Ooh...
106
00:03:33,359 --> 00:03:34,593
The humanity.
107
00:03:34,627 --> 00:03:36,061
Here we go
108
00:03:36,095 --> 00:03:39,398
[Brett Dennen's Comeback
Kid (That's my dog)]
109
00:03:39,432 --> 00:03:41,933
Well, maybe it's the common curse
110
00:03:41,968 --> 00:03:44,569
Maybe things get bad
before they get worse
111
00:03:44,604 --> 00:03:47,205
I don't want to become someone
112
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,942
Who can't live up to
what I already done, don't
113
00:03:50,977 --> 00:03:52,511
Here comes a comeback
114
00:03:52,545 --> 00:03:55,213
The kid is back, is back on track
115
00:03:55,248 --> 00:03:58,216
And there goes my hero
116
00:03:58,251 --> 00:04:02,087
He's the underdog, he's
coming out on top, and
117
00:04:02,121 --> 00:04:05,190
[Cheers and applause]
118
00:04:05,224 --> 00:04:07,025
And next up is Hannah.
119
00:04:07,060 --> 00:04:09,161
Hannah will be the...
120
00:04:09,195 --> 00:04:10,696
Candlemaker!
121
00:04:10,730 --> 00:04:11,696
Candlemaker?
122
00:04:11,731 --> 00:04:14,499
As in a person who makes candles?
123
00:04:14,534 --> 00:04:17,302
When my mom was parent
volunteer for my sister's class,
124
00:04:17,336 --> 00:04:19,037
the theme was Hunger Games.
125
00:04:19,072 --> 00:04:21,873
My sister got to be District 1 tribute.
126
00:04:21,908 --> 00:04:23,809
It was kind of spectacular.
127
00:04:23,843 --> 00:04:26,178
Thank you.
128
00:04:26,212 --> 00:04:27,879
Well, now everyone's
been assigned their roles
129
00:04:27,914 --> 00:04:30,916
in Dickensian England
except Marcus and Ruth.
130
00:04:30,950 --> 00:04:33,318
Oh, man, nobody's been picked as king yet!
131
00:04:33,352 --> 00:04:34,586
50/50 odds.
132
00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:36,688
I'm already mentally furnishing my palace.
133
00:04:36,723 --> 00:04:39,157
Okay, well, I'm going to
be choosing for Marcus now.
134
00:04:39,192 --> 00:04:41,193
Come on. Big money, big money, no whammy!
135
00:04:41,227 --> 00:04:43,995
Come to papa!
136
00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:45,864
Um... Oh!
137
00:04:45,898 --> 00:04:49,301
Two got stuck together. Hold on.
138
00:04:49,335 --> 00:04:51,436
And, uh...
139
00:04:51,471 --> 00:04:54,873
Marcus is slopmaster!
140
00:04:54,907 --> 00:04:56,141
One pound a year.
141
00:04:56,175 --> 00:04:59,778
[Fanfare playing]
142
00:04:59,812 --> 00:05:01,346
Which makes you the king.
143
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:04,549
Heck, yeah, it does!
144
00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:11,089
[Lighthearted music]
145
00:05:11,124 --> 00:05:13,058
Oh, Marcus, why so glum?
146
00:05:13,092 --> 00:05:14,626
Will, you're not gonna believe this.
147
00:05:14,660 --> 00:05:17,262
I got assigned slopmaster
in Dickensian England!
148
00:05:17,296 --> 00:05:19,131
What is a slopmaster?
149
00:05:19,165 --> 00:05:21,800
It's a master of slop.
What's confusing about that?
150
00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:24,703
That is the saddest thing I've ever heard.
151
00:05:24,737 --> 00:05:26,204
Know what I'm gonna do for you?
152
00:05:26,239 --> 00:05:28,006
I'm gonna give you $20.
There you go, buddy.
153
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:31,476
Thanks, Will, but contemporary
American currency can't help me.
154
00:05:31,511 --> 00:05:33,345
- Only fake money can.
- [Sighs]
155
00:05:33,379 --> 00:05:35,747
I guess I'm doomed to this
hand that life has dealt me.
156
00:05:35,782 --> 00:05:37,249
Marcus, you know what my life was like
157
00:05:37,283 --> 00:05:39,351
before "Runaway Sleigh"?
158
00:05:39,385 --> 00:05:41,186
[Sighs] Well, I will tell you.
159
00:05:41,220 --> 00:05:43,321
Being an unemployed
musician in San Francisco
160
00:05:43,356 --> 00:05:46,625
is a lot like being a
slopmaster in Dickensian England.
161
00:05:46,659 --> 00:05:48,593
Really? You, too, roamed
the sewers penniless,
162
00:05:48,628 --> 00:05:50,862
diseased, and stinking of feces?
163
00:05:50,897 --> 00:05:52,964
Well, no, but I did eat a lotta ramen,
164
00:05:52,999 --> 00:05:55,066
and I certainly couldn't
buy cool stuff for my friends
165
00:05:55,101 --> 00:05:57,669
like mylar sharks or
throw extravagant parties
166
00:05:57,703 --> 00:05:59,738
when girls I like refuse to call me back.
167
00:05:59,772 --> 00:06:01,606
But now I can. And do you know why?
168
00:06:01,641 --> 00:06:02,974
Because the mailman comes and gives you
169
00:06:03,009 --> 00:06:04,309
endless streams of cash?
170
00:06:04,343 --> 00:06:08,080
That, and I refuse to settle
for my station in life.
171
00:06:08,114 --> 00:06:10,949
I took initiative, and
I chose to rise above it.
172
00:06:10,983 --> 00:06:13,618
But a slopmaster can't write
a famous Christmas song.
173
00:06:13,653 --> 00:06:15,353
You'll figure something out.
174
00:06:15,388 --> 00:06:18,123
There's gotta be another
way to make some fake money.
175
00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:22,094
Hmm.
176
00:06:25,331 --> 00:06:26,669
_
177
00:06:26,699 --> 00:06:27,866
Hello, chicken. Do you want to see
178
00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:29,634
the signs I made for market day?
179
00:06:29,669 --> 00:06:31,103
Oh, please say you do.
180
00:06:31,137 --> 00:06:33,739
Not now. I'm focused on
improving my station in life.
181
00:06:33,773 --> 00:06:35,340
Oh, are you? Oh, great.
182
00:06:35,375 --> 00:06:36,708
Actually, I'm glad you brought that up.
183
00:06:36,743 --> 00:06:38,410
Did you know that you can earn pounds
184
00:06:38,444 --> 00:06:39,744
in Mini Society
185
00:06:39,779 --> 00:06:41,713
by doing tasks for other people?
186
00:06:41,748 --> 00:06:44,049
See, it's always possible to make money
187
00:06:44,083 --> 00:06:46,585
no matter how much you reek of poverty.
188
00:06:46,619 --> 00:06:48,520
I know, Will already
talked to me about that.
189
00:06:48,554 --> 00:06:50,889
Yay! More Will wisdom.
190
00:06:50,923 --> 00:06:52,224
You know, I might be a better help
191
00:06:52,258 --> 00:06:54,659
seeing as I've had actual experience
192
00:06:54,694 --> 00:06:57,763
with actual hard work.
193
00:06:57,797 --> 00:07:00,398
Let's think of things that
you could do, shall we?
194
00:07:00,433 --> 00:07:03,068
You could sharpen people's pencils,
195
00:07:03,102 --> 00:07:06,671
you could whistle a happy tune
for everyone's enjoyment...
196
00:07:06,706 --> 00:07:09,341
[Continues talking indistinctly]
197
00:07:13,780 --> 00:07:17,849
Scraping the cold, hard gum
off the bottom of their chairs.
198
00:07:17,884 --> 00:07:19,851
That's always fun.
199
00:07:19,886 --> 00:07:22,187
That's definitely something
people would do, right?
200
00:07:22,221 --> 00:07:26,024
[Printer humming]
201
00:07:26,058 --> 00:07:29,061
[Upbeat jazz music]
202
00:07:41,624 --> 00:07:44,392
[Medieval music]
203
00:07:58,074 --> 00:07:59,641
Go away, Slopmaster.
204
00:07:59,675 --> 00:08:01,543
Your syphilis isn't welcome here.
205
00:08:01,577 --> 00:08:03,879
Well, how about my money?
206
00:08:12,121 --> 00:08:13,355
I'll take 12 more.
207
00:08:13,389 --> 00:08:16,324
[A Great Big World's I Really Want It]
208
00:08:18,394 --> 00:08:20,595
[Laughing]
209
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:21,963
You know the rules.
210
00:08:21,998 --> 00:08:23,465
No slopmasters allowed.
211
00:08:23,499 --> 00:08:24,833
Big mistake.
212
00:08:24,867 --> 00:08:26,701
- Huge.
- How'd you get that?
213
00:08:26,736 --> 00:08:28,703
Been slopping for some other tradesmen.
214
00:08:28,738 --> 00:08:30,572
Now, gimme that paper clip anklet.
215
00:08:32,809 --> 00:08:36,244
I'm not giving up, it's
crawling under my skin
216
00:08:36,279 --> 00:08:39,514
And I don't care if I
sin, I really want it
217
00:08:39,549 --> 00:08:42,918
I really want it, I
really want it right now
218
00:08:44,787 --> 00:08:47,923
I really want it right now
219
00:08:49,959 --> 00:08:52,260
Ooh
220
00:08:52,295 --> 00:08:54,930
I'm feeling the world go around
221
00:08:54,964 --> 00:08:56,264
[Mouthing words]
222
00:08:56,299 --> 00:08:59,601
It's spinning me upside down
223
00:08:59,635 --> 00:09:01,803
I'm finally homeward bound
224
00:09:01,838 --> 00:09:04,773
Suck it, King. It's good
to be the slopmaster.
225
00:09:04,807 --> 00:09:06,174
It's crawling under my skin
226
00:09:06,209 --> 00:09:08,210
-
And I don't care if I sin
- [Knock on door]
227
00:09:08,244 --> 00:09:10,278
- Darling, can I come in?
-
I really want it
228
00:09:10,313 --> 00:09:11,613
Uh, gimme a second, mom!
229
00:09:11,647 --> 00:09:14,783
I really want it right now
230
00:09:14,817 --> 00:09:18,789
I really want it right now
231
00:09:18,824 --> 00:09:19,823
- Are you all right?
- Yeah, I'm good! Right now?
232
00:09:19,858 --> 00:09:20,925
What are you doing?
233
00:09:20,959 --> 00:09:22,426
Just ending a meditation session!
234
00:09:22,460 --> 00:09:23,494
I really want it right now
235
00:09:23,528 --> 00:09:26,363
I am whole. You can come in now.
236
00:09:26,398 --> 00:09:28,832
Darling, I just wanted to talk to you
237
00:09:28,867 --> 00:09:30,801
about the way you conducted yourself
238
00:09:30,836 --> 00:09:32,336
at Mini Society today.
239
00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:33,804
Oh, boy.
240
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:35,272
I couldn't be prouder. Honestly.
241
00:09:35,307 --> 00:09:36,607
Life handed you a bucket of rags
242
00:09:36,641 --> 00:09:38,409
and a host of communicable diseases,
243
00:09:38,443 --> 00:09:39,710
and you made the best of it.
244
00:09:39,744 --> 00:09:42,680
All I saw today was a
smiling, happy slopmaster
245
00:09:42,714 --> 00:09:46,784
embracing his station in life
with great joy and humility.
246
00:09:46,818 --> 00:09:49,954
And for that, I present you with...
247
00:09:49,988 --> 00:09:52,122
A cupcake from Mitchell the Baker.
248
00:09:52,157 --> 00:09:53,424
It does have sugar in it.
249
00:09:53,458 --> 00:09:55,526
Don't tell anyone. [Laughs]
250
00:09:55,560 --> 00:09:57,394
Mom, there's something I need to say.
251
00:09:57,429 --> 00:09:58,662
You don't have to say anything.
252
00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:00,931
Just enjoy your lovely gift.
253
00:10:00,966 --> 00:10:03,334
Yo, Marcus! Get over here!
254
00:10:03,368 --> 00:10:07,471
[Banging]
255
00:10:10,375 --> 00:10:11,709
What the bloody hell?
256
00:10:11,743 --> 00:10:13,043
What the bloody hell
257
00:10:13,078 --> 00:10:14,879
is I just bought Marcus a brand-new iPad!
258
00:10:14,913 --> 00:10:18,015
- This is for me?
- Uh-huh!
259
00:10:18,049 --> 00:10:19,884
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
260
00:10:19,918 --> 00:10:20,985
Oh, I can't believe this.
261
00:10:21,019 --> 00:10:22,453
I know he's been down about the whole,
262
00:10:22,487 --> 00:10:24,930
you know, fecalmaster thing.
There's no need to thank me.
263
00:10:24,964 --> 00:10:27,209
It's just a small gesture
to brighten his day.
264
00:10:27,243 --> 00:10:30,012
My day isn't just bright, it's blinding!
265
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:32,514
Mom, look, we have 4G. We're in the cloud.
266
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,316
I've always dreamed of being in the cloud!
267
00:10:34,350 --> 00:10:35,450
[Laughing]
268
00:10:35,485 --> 00:10:36,919
What? No!
269
00:10:36,953 --> 00:10:38,454
- Can I talk to you?
- You're welcome.
270
00:10:38,488 --> 00:10:39,621
Really. It's my pleasure.
271
00:10:39,656 --> 00:10:42,057
I... I gotta go deal with this. I'm sorry.
272
00:10:42,091 --> 00:10:45,093
Hey, you. No guitar or flying shark?
273
00:10:45,128 --> 00:10:47,196
- What's wrong, out of ideas?
- Bev, I need a favor.
274
00:10:47,230 --> 00:10:48,497
We all need something.
275
00:10:48,531 --> 00:10:50,399
Okay, will you take a
look at this text from Sam?
276
00:10:50,433 --> 00:10:52,467
"Can't make it to your party Saturday.
277
00:10:52,502 --> 00:10:55,671
Got scheduled for a bubble shift."
278
00:10:55,705 --> 00:10:57,172
Pretty sure she meant "double shift."
279
00:10:57,207 --> 00:10:58,307
- [Laughs]
- We done here?
280
00:10:58,341 --> 00:10:59,708
Uh, no, no, no. We're not.
281
00:10:59,742 --> 00:11:01,777
I need you to take a look
at that little computer there
282
00:11:01,811 --> 00:11:03,779
and tell me if she really
does have a double shift
283
00:11:03,813 --> 00:11:06,048
or if she's just making up
an excuse to blow me off.
284
00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,916
- Can you do that?
- What's in it for me?
285
00:11:07,951 --> 00:11:09,451
Yeah? All right, we're doing this.
286
00:11:09,485 --> 00:11:10,686
- Mm-hmm.
- This is fun.
287
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,621
Yeah, it is.
288
00:11:12,655 --> 00:11:14,156
5 bucks?
289
00:11:14,190 --> 00:11:15,824
Okay, um...
290
00:11:15,859 --> 00:11:17,426
I've got checks. [Clears throat]
291
00:11:17,460 --> 00:11:19,862
Um... Here we go.
292
00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:21,330
How much is this gonna cost me?
293
00:11:21,364 --> 00:11:23,031
Look. I like you.
294
00:11:23,066 --> 00:11:25,701
So I'm gonna take your
$5 and tell you that, yes,
295
00:11:25,735 --> 00:11:27,836
Sam is scheduled for a
double shift Saturday.
296
00:11:27,871 --> 00:11:29,137
Par-tay!
297
00:11:29,172 --> 00:11:30,372
Really? Okay, this is great.
298
00:11:30,406 --> 00:11:31,636
So I'm still in the game, Bev. All right.
299
00:11:31,673 --> 00:11:34,708
Now I need you to tell me when
she has her next night off.
300
00:11:34,708 --> 00:11:37,179
No, she's booked solid
for this whole month.
301
00:11:37,213 --> 00:11:38,680
Sorry, Will, girl's busy.
302
00:11:38,714 --> 00:11:40,248
Well, you control her schedule, right?
303
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:42,150
Maybe you can make her... Unbusy.
304
00:11:42,185 --> 00:11:44,252
[Laughs] You don't have that kinda money.
305
00:11:44,287 --> 00:11:46,688
- Try me, baby girl.
- That's Bev with a "B."
306
00:11:47,857 --> 00:11:49,858
Party's back on, Andy, in four hours.
307
00:11:49,892 --> 00:11:51,059
- Today?
- [Kids yelling]
308
00:11:51,094 --> 00:11:52,761
In the afternoon? That's absurd, man.
309
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,262
Do not question me, Andy,
just get over to my place
310
00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:55,764
and invite everyone we know.
311
00:11:55,798 --> 00:11:57,032
Hey, Laurie, Will's having a party.
312
00:11:57,066 --> 00:11:58,800
Do not invite Laurie. I
repeat, do not invite Laurie!
313
00:11:58,835 --> 00:12:00,569
Okay, you're on speakerphone, Will,
314
00:12:00,603 --> 00:12:02,737
and I can guarantee you
I am coming to your party.
315
00:12:02,772 --> 00:12:04,406
Whatever. I'll just drown
you out with the music.
316
00:12:04,440 --> 00:12:06,541
- I'm coming!
- I gotta go find some mariachi dudes.
317
00:12:08,005 --> 00:12:11,971
Fiona! I have to park my
mariachi band up your driveway.
318
00:12:12,021 --> 00:12:13,693
Ew. Are you being filthy?
319
00:12:13,761 --> 00:12:15,811
Gross. No, I have a party emergency.
320
00:12:15,845 --> 00:12:16,979
Well, no, I have an emergency.
321
00:12:17,013 --> 00:12:18,280
There's a child counterfeiting money
322
00:12:18,314 --> 00:12:20,315
in Dickensian England!
323
00:12:20,350 --> 00:12:22,251
They are literally printing money
324
00:12:22,285 --> 00:12:23,852
and passing it off as pounds!
325
00:12:23,887 --> 00:12:26,555
Mini Society is about to blow up!
326
00:12:26,589 --> 00:12:27,923
Hold on, I'm gonna need
your driveway all day,
327
00:12:27,957 --> 00:12:29,591
so how about I just give you 20 bucks?
328
00:12:29,626 --> 00:12:31,927
Right, 'cause that's your
solution to every problem,
329
00:12:31,961 --> 00:12:33,529
just throw money at it.
330
00:12:33,563 --> 00:12:34,963
Okay, chill. What is your deal?
331
00:12:34,998 --> 00:12:37,533
- My deal is your profligacy.
- Definition?
332
00:12:37,567 --> 00:12:40,202
Recklessly wasteful and
pointlessly extravagant.
333
00:12:40,236 --> 00:12:42,137
Is this because I bought Marcus an iPad?
334
00:12:42,172 --> 00:12:44,206
- For starters.
- He was having a crap week.
335
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,474
I was just trying to cheer him up.
336
00:12:45,508 --> 00:12:47,476
Money cannot solve a crap week.
337
00:12:47,510 --> 00:12:48,510
Disagree.
338
00:12:48,545 --> 00:12:49,878
Money is for food and clothing
339
00:12:49,913 --> 00:12:52,314
and the occasional
splurge at the flea market
340
00:12:52,348 --> 00:12:54,583
when you find some nice,
sustainable furniture.
341
00:12:54,617 --> 00:12:56,919
I was just trying to do
something nice for the kid.
342
00:12:56,953 --> 00:13:00,322
Listen, by all means, carry
on trying to buy your happiness
343
00:13:00,356 --> 00:13:03,158
with flying sharks and margarita machines.
344
00:13:03,193 --> 00:13:04,760
Just don't do it around my son.
345
00:13:04,794 --> 00:13:06,462
Oh, look, here's your mariachi band.
346
00:13:06,496 --> 00:13:08,897
Ole!
347
00:13:08,932 --> 00:13:10,432
Parked down the hill, huh?
348
00:13:10,467 --> 00:13:12,401
Yeah.
349
00:13:12,435 --> 00:13:14,036
Okay, she's gonna be here any minute.
350
00:13:14,070 --> 00:13:16,538
This is a good party, right?
351
00:13:16,573 --> 00:13:18,907
- Totally great.
- Rockingest party ever, Will!
352
00:13:18,942 --> 00:13:21,176
This party... Honey, stop drinking.
353
00:13:21,211 --> 00:13:23,112
You gotta get off my computer, Richard.
354
00:13:23,146 --> 00:13:24,313
You're killing me, man!
355
00:13:24,347 --> 00:13:25,848
It's the middle of the day on Thursday.
356
00:13:25,882 --> 00:13:27,716
- You're killing me.
- You're getting a drink, okay?
357
00:13:27,751 --> 00:13:28,817
I'm serious!
358
00:13:28,852 --> 00:13:29,985
Hey, you know what, Andy?
359
00:13:30,019 --> 00:13:31,386
You gotta get your kids outta here.
360
00:13:31,421 --> 00:13:33,989
- Put 'em under the table!
- They're not shoes, Will.
361
00:13:34,023 --> 00:13:35,491
Oh, my God, she's here, she's here!
362
00:13:35,525 --> 00:13:37,393
Game time! Act like this
is the best party ever.
363
00:13:37,427 --> 00:13:41,096
This is the best party of the year, Will!
364
00:13:41,131 --> 00:13:43,565
Okay, I'm just... [Whimpers]
365
00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:45,634
- Hi!
- Doctor!
366
00:13:45,668 --> 00:13:47,202
Wow! You're really having a party...
367
00:13:47,237 --> 00:13:49,071
- Mm-hmm.
- At 2:00 in the afternoon.
368
00:13:49,105 --> 00:13:51,607
To be honest with you,
when I first saw your note
369
00:13:51,641 --> 00:13:53,409
I thought it was just an
excuse to lure me here.
370
00:13:53,443 --> 00:13:54,710
Really? Oh, no, way!
371
00:13:54,744 --> 00:13:55,911
Here, margarita?
372
00:13:55,945 --> 00:13:57,880
God, yes! I love margaritas!
373
00:13:57,914 --> 00:13:59,214
Blended, no salt. My favorite!
374
00:13:59,249 --> 00:14:01,850
Wow! Me too! What a surprise!
375
00:14:01,885 --> 00:14:03,719
- And you got a mariachi band.
- Mm-hmm.
376
00:14:03,753 --> 00:14:06,488
They're playing my favorite mariachi song.
377
00:14:06,523 --> 00:14:09,925
Well, you know, who doesn't
love No Vale La Pena?
378
00:14:09,959 --> 00:14:11,960
Most of the English-speaking world.
379
00:14:11,995 --> 00:14:14,029
Well, I'm not most of the
English-speaking world.
380
00:14:14,063 --> 00:14:15,864
I'm just a guy who loves margaritas
381
00:14:15,899 --> 00:14:17,866
and good mariachi bands.
382
00:14:17,901 --> 00:14:19,735
So... Here's to common interests.
383
00:14:19,769 --> 00:14:22,104
Or as they say in Oaxaca... Salud!
384
00:14:22,138 --> 00:14:23,205
[Clink]
385
00:14:23,239 --> 00:14:24,540
You googled me.
386
00:14:24,574 --> 00:14:27,142
Oh, uh, no, I did not.
387
00:14:27,177 --> 00:14:28,210
I did.
388
00:14:28,244 --> 00:14:29,778
Yeah, I don't know whether to be...
389
00:14:29,813 --> 00:14:31,914
Really, really flattered
or totally creeped out.
390
00:14:31,948 --> 00:14:35,717
[Band playing]
391
00:14:35,752 --> 00:14:38,020
I'm really flattered.
392
00:14:38,054 --> 00:14:40,656
This may be the sweetest
thing a guy's ever done for me.
393
00:14:40,690 --> 00:14:42,558
Well... Salud.
394
00:14:42,592 --> 00:14:43,826
Salud.
395
00:14:43,860 --> 00:14:45,994
Salud! Salud, you guys.
396
00:14:46,029 --> 00:14:47,663
Come on. I'm sorry.
397
00:14:47,697 --> 00:14:48,697
Salud.
398
00:14:48,732 --> 00:14:49,865
- [Laughing]
- No way!
399
00:14:49,899 --> 00:14:51,099
No, I am telling you,
400
00:14:51,134 --> 00:14:52,434
Kobe Bryant is completely overrated.
401
00:14:52,469 --> 00:14:54,203
You are insane. I'm gonna
get you another drink.
402
00:14:54,237 --> 00:14:56,171
Oh, no, no, no. Actually,
I need to sober up
403
00:14:56,206 --> 00:14:58,173
- 'cause I have a shift at 5:00.
- What? No, no, no.
404
00:14:58,208 --> 00:15:00,809
Bev was supposed to give
that shift to another doctor.
405
00:15:00,844 --> 00:15:03,212
I mean, I just wish sometimes
406
00:15:03,246 --> 00:15:05,981
that Bev would give more of
your shifts to other doctors.
407
00:15:06,015 --> 00:15:08,817
She did give it to another doctor.
408
00:15:08,852 --> 00:15:11,386
- Oh, that's great.
- Will, what's going on?
409
00:15:11,421 --> 00:15:13,322
You know how I planned
this big party for you
410
00:15:13,356 --> 00:15:14,890
and you thought it was the
sweetest thing in the world?
411
00:15:14,924 --> 00:15:16,025
Mm-hmm.
412
00:15:16,059 --> 00:15:17,392
Well, it's actually even sweeter.
413
00:15:17,427 --> 00:15:19,928
I bribed Bev to get you the afternoon off.
414
00:15:19,963 --> 00:15:21,930
- You did what?
- Isn't that sweet?
415
00:15:21,965 --> 00:15:24,533
No! No, that's not
sweet. Will, I'm a doctor.
416
00:15:24,567 --> 00:15:26,969
Do you have any idea how
important my job is to me?
417
00:15:27,003 --> 00:15:28,537
Whoa, yeah! Of course I do.
418
00:15:28,571 --> 00:15:30,239
But I just, you know... I never see you.
419
00:15:30,273 --> 00:15:33,876
- You're always working.
- So you bought time with me.
420
00:15:33,910 --> 00:15:35,344
God, I feel so cheap.
421
00:15:35,378 --> 00:15:36,678
Wait, you weren't cheap at all.
422
00:15:36,713 --> 00:15:39,408
I actually shelled out
$500 just for four hours.
423
00:15:39,411 --> 00:15:42,058
Unbelievable. I know you have money,
424
00:15:42,082 --> 00:15:43,742
but I thought you were different
than all these other rich guys.
425
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:45,076
But you know what, you're
not. You're just like them.
426
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,678
You think you can control
the world with your money.
427
00:15:46,712 --> 00:15:49,147
What? No, I don't. I'm not even rich.
428
00:15:49,181 --> 00:15:51,249
I don't care about money. I hate money.
429
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:52,650
[Printer whirring]
430
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,619
You are literally printing money right now.
431
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:04,996
Oh, Marcus.
432
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:07,031
- Listen, I-I have to go.
- Oh, no, no, no!
433
00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:08,433
Please stay. Please stay.
434
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,835
But I actually have to go.
435
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,604
I'm just... I'm gonna be right back.
436
00:16:12,638 --> 00:16:14,739
And I'm gonna explain to you
how totally and completely
437
00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,074
you knocked me off my game.
438
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:17,542
I'm gonna make everything right.
439
00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:19,944
But I have to go to a
middle school right now
440
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:23,548
and save a slopmaster before
his mom finds out what he did.
441
00:16:27,389 --> 00:16:30,238
In the 25 years that we've
been doing Mini Society,
442
00:16:30,275 --> 00:16:32,343
we've never had a counterfeiter.
443
00:16:32,380 --> 00:16:33,024
Ah.
444
00:16:33,043 --> 00:16:34,844
This is a real crap show, ladies.
445
00:16:34,878 --> 00:16:38,080
I've come up with a trap
to catch the guilty party.
446
00:16:38,115 --> 00:16:40,383
I brought in a pie for Mitchell to sell.
447
00:16:40,417 --> 00:16:41,751
With the number of bills
that I originally printed
448
00:16:41,785 --> 00:16:43,252
and the number of goods sold so far,
449
00:16:43,287 --> 00:16:45,788
there's no way any one student
could afford to buy the pie
450
00:16:45,822 --> 00:16:48,491
with Mini Society real fake money.
451
00:16:48,525 --> 00:16:49,825
Only the counterfeiter could buy it.
452
00:16:49,860 --> 00:16:52,328
What's the Dickensian public punishment?
453
00:16:52,362 --> 00:16:53,496
Oh, I don't think it should be public.
454
00:16:53,530 --> 00:16:54,997
I think we should demand that the violator
455
00:16:55,032 --> 00:16:56,799
perform an intense soul-search.
456
00:16:56,833 --> 00:16:58,467
Oh! A stoning!
457
00:16:58,502 --> 00:16:59,802
No, no, no.
458
00:16:59,836 --> 00:17:02,071
We don't stone people
in England, we hang them.
459
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:03,873
- Wait.
- [Gasps]
460
00:17:03,907 --> 00:17:05,207
That makes sense.
461
00:17:05,242 --> 00:17:07,610
He always seemed just
a little too innocent.
462
00:17:07,644 --> 00:17:09,745
Don't be ridiculous. My
son would never in a m...
463
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:12,682
[Dramatic music]
464
00:17:13,917 --> 00:17:15,017
Counterfeiter!
465
00:17:15,052 --> 00:17:16,786
Marcus Bowa deserves to be stoned.
466
00:17:16,820 --> 00:17:18,454
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
467
00:17:18,488 --> 00:17:20,456
- Yeah!
- Get him! Yeah!
468
00:17:20,490 --> 00:17:21,490
- Yeah!
- Whoa!
469
00:17:21,525 --> 00:17:24,226
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
470
00:17:24,261 --> 00:17:25,995
Hi, I'm Will Freeman.
471
00:17:26,029 --> 00:17:28,364
I am the neighbor of the accused,
472
00:17:28,398 --> 00:17:32,101
and I am here to plead for mercy.
473
00:17:32,135 --> 00:17:35,471
Let he among us without sin
be the first to cast a stone.
474
00:17:35,505 --> 00:17:37,306
- Get him!
- All: Yeah!
475
00:17:37,341 --> 00:17:38,441
Okay, I thought that was gonna work.
476
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,642
That was the Bible, people. But...
477
00:17:39,676 --> 00:17:42,278
All right, I get it.
Mini Society is ruined.
478
00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:43,746
It's a big deal. It is a total bummer.
479
00:17:43,780 --> 00:17:45,147
But if you're gonna stone somebody,
480
00:17:45,182 --> 00:17:46,349
you gotta stone me.
481
00:17:46,383 --> 00:17:48,844
'Cause this entire counterfeiting operation
482
00:17:48,885 --> 00:17:50,386
is my fault.
483
00:17:50,420 --> 00:17:52,588
I'm the one who made Marcus
wanna buy a few more things,
484
00:17:52,622 --> 00:17:54,456
and is that really such a big crime?
485
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:56,692
Yes. It is.
486
00:17:56,726 --> 00:17:57,660
Yes.
487
00:17:57,694 --> 00:17:59,094
I guess you are right.
488
00:17:59,129 --> 00:18:01,330
I guess it's always been
easy for me to kinda...
489
00:18:01,364 --> 00:18:02,798
Use money as a band-aid.
490
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,833
You know, one time I
actually used a $20 bill
491
00:18:04,868 --> 00:18:06,168
as a band-aid.
492
00:18:06,202 --> 00:18:07,436
I was really drunk, principal,
493
00:18:07,470 --> 00:18:09,571
but, you know, my mind went there.
494
00:18:09,606 --> 00:18:11,006
Get back on the... Get back on the...
495
00:18:11,041 --> 00:18:13,676
Yeah. Um, the point is...
496
00:18:13,710 --> 00:18:15,911
Money doesn't really make you happy.
497
00:18:15,945 --> 00:18:17,146
It certainly hasn't made me happy,
498
00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,180
not lately anyway.
499
00:18:18,214 --> 00:18:19,548
I mean, today I learned
500
00:18:19,582 --> 00:18:21,083
that money can't buy me the one thing
501
00:18:21,117 --> 00:18:22,785
that I really want.
502
00:18:22,819 --> 00:18:26,088
Wow, that just got real. [Sighs]
503
00:18:26,122 --> 00:18:29,959
I'm really, really sorry
that my "profliglacy"...
504
00:18:29,993 --> 00:18:31,160
Profligacy.
505
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:32,928
That, and the damage that it's caused.
506
00:18:32,963 --> 00:18:35,764
Anyway, like I said before,
this is all my fault.
507
00:18:35,799 --> 00:18:38,000
So if you're gonna stone
somebody, please stone me.
508
00:18:40,103 --> 00:18:42,238
You heard the old dude. Stone him!
509
00:18:42,272 --> 00:18:43,939
Oh! Oh, ow! Okay.
510
00:18:43,973 --> 00:18:47,242
That actually hurts. That actually hurts.
511
00:18:47,277 --> 00:18:50,045
Oh, the humanity!
512
00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:53,015
[The Elected's I'll Be Your Man]
513
00:18:56,086 --> 00:19:01,423
Yeah, I want you to know
514
00:19:01,458 --> 00:19:06,161
Yeah, I want you to know
I think you found your man
515
00:19:06,196 --> 00:19:08,998
-
Yeah, I'll be your man
- _
516
00:19:09,032 --> 00:19:12,001
Yeah, you found your man
517
00:19:12,035 --> 00:19:14,303
Come home to him
518
00:19:14,337 --> 00:19:16,605
I am so deeply ashamed.
519
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,208
You can flog me, put me in the stockade,
520
00:19:19,242 --> 00:19:21,910
limit my screen time...
Whatever you deem appropriate.
521
00:19:21,945 --> 00:19:24,279
[Sighs] Marcus.
522
00:19:24,314 --> 00:19:26,515
Come on.
523
00:19:26,549 --> 00:19:30,586
I have a confession to
make. [Clears throat]
524
00:19:30,620 --> 00:19:33,355
I made you slopmaster on purpose.
525
00:19:33,390 --> 00:19:35,991
- Excuse me?
- I wanted to teach you
526
00:19:36,026 --> 00:19:38,060
the value of hard work and money.
527
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:41,497
I think mostly I wanted you
to be happy with very little,
528
00:19:41,531 --> 00:19:45,067
'cause I can't really
give you iPads and iPods
529
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,802
and "i" anything really.
530
00:19:46,836 --> 00:19:51,273
But... I don't need those things.
531
00:19:51,307 --> 00:19:52,541
I just need you.
532
00:19:52,575 --> 00:19:53,976
[Laughs] You're such a sweet
533
00:19:54,010 --> 00:19:55,577
little slopmaster, darling.
534
00:19:55,612 --> 00:19:58,714
So I guess if we'd gone with what you drew
535
00:19:58,748 --> 00:20:00,282
- I would've been king.
- [Both chuckle]
536
00:20:00,317 --> 00:20:01,617
Yep.
537
00:20:01,651 --> 00:20:03,185
[Sighs]
538
00:20:03,219 --> 00:20:06,622
But we cannot forget
my culpability in this.
539
00:20:06,656 --> 00:20:09,391
So what's my Dickensian punishment?
540
00:20:09,426 --> 00:20:11,593
I'm ready.
541
00:20:15,398 --> 00:20:16,799
Hey, Marcus.
542
00:20:16,833 --> 00:20:19,068
- Will, you're here!
- Of course I'm here.
543
00:20:19,102 --> 00:20:20,402
Your mom told me where you were, and...
544
00:20:20,437 --> 00:20:22,705
I think I deserve to do
some gum scraping too.
545
00:20:22,739 --> 00:20:23,973
Hey, I know you.
546
00:20:24,007 --> 00:20:25,274
You're the guy with all the money
547
00:20:25,308 --> 00:20:26,575
that wrecked Mini Society.
548
00:20:26,609 --> 00:20:28,877
Uh, that is I, Will Freeman. Uh, what's up?
549
00:20:28,912 --> 00:20:32,314
100 bucks to finish the job for you.
550
00:20:32,349 --> 00:20:35,050
Well, I think that's your decision, buddy.
551
00:20:35,085 --> 00:20:37,519
But I would encourage you to take a look
552
00:20:37,554 --> 00:20:39,755
at how many disgusting
chairs there are to scrape,
553
00:20:39,789 --> 00:20:41,991
and the fact that I have
a c-note in my pocket
554
00:20:42,025 --> 00:20:43,359
as I speak.
555
00:20:45,695 --> 00:20:47,296
No, thanks.
556
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,131
We're gonna enjoy the satisfaction
557
00:20:49,165 --> 00:20:50,766
- of a job well done.
- That's great, man.
558
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:51,934
That's really great, yeah.
559
00:20:51,968 --> 00:20:53,669
I was just, uh, totally testing you,
560
00:20:53,703 --> 00:20:55,938
and you passed... So, uh...
561
00:20:55,972 --> 00:20:58,073
Oh, mm-hmm.
562
00:20:58,108 --> 00:20:59,274
Okay.
563
00:21:00,443 --> 00:21:02,444
[Groans]
564
00:21:04,561 --> 00:21:10,121
Sync and corrections by madhatters
www.addic7ed.com
565
00:21:10,171 --> 00:21:14,721
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
41602
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