Original subtitles

Oh-ho!

Who's that guy with the spring in his step?

It's me, Will.

Probably don't recognize me with my key,

my own key.

So the mom is finally loosening the old noose, huh?

Her new job has forced the issue.

- She has to stay late. - Oh, cool.

What are you gonna do with your newfound independence?

You gonna rock and roll all night?

Kiss? No?

Yeah, probably beyond your frame of reference.

I am not taking this responsibility lightly, Will.

Freedom can not be bestowed. It must be achieved.

Elbert Hubbard? Writer, philosopher?

It's probably beyond your frame of reference.

Well, could elbert Hubbard do this?

Ahh

Ow.

Yes! Ha ha!

Wake up, a brand-new day

Oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh

I walk in the sunshine

- [Dog barks on television] - Cartoons.

Mwah!

- Just watch me now

- [Phone line ringing]

Just watch me now, just watch me now

[Telephone ringing]

Morganics Toy company, where nature meets nurture.

Hello, mother. I have arrived home safely.

Oh, thank God.

You didn't have any trouble getting in, did you?

- Nope. - You gonna make yourself

a nice, healthy snack now, are you?

Um, I was just grabbing a vitamin C packed orange.

I know how you struggle getting the peel started.

- Do you want me to come home? - No, you just focus on work.

I'll just... I'll...

I'll clean up when I'm done,

and I'll fold the laundry in the basket.

You're such a dear, sweetheart.

[Grunts] How about there?

[Glass shatters] Is that better?

- Works for me. - [Chuckles angrily]

If you weren't my wife, I'd fire you.

Oh, if it weren't for prison, I would kill you.

Ha!

Darling, something's happening here.

It isn't very nurturing or very natural.

I'm gonna have to go.

I just want to say one thing to you, darling.

Leaving you by yourself every day,

it's not that easy for me.

It just... it means a lot that I can focus on my work

without worrying that it's causing you

any lasting psychological trauma.

I'm so proud of you.

You're such a sweet, self-reliant, lovely little man,

and I love you.

Go rock that office manager's job.

Bye.

Will!

[Siren wailing]

Knife in the foot! Knife in the foot!

Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Valid form of I.D. And insurance.

- Do you not see? - Yes, I do.

Valid form of I.D. and insurance.

He's losing feeling! He's losing feeling!

We got a runner.

- [Squeals] - Oh, no!

I need a doctor! Help! Help!

I need a doctor! Oh, good.

Hi.

Excuse me.

Uh-oh. What do we have here?

- I'm Will. - [Chuckles]

How you doing, buddy?

- Any numbness? - A little.

[Clears throat]

- Little bit. - [Chuckles]

Here we go.

[Brett Dennen's Comeback Kid (That's my dog)]

Well, maybe it's the common curse

Maybe things get bad before they get worse

I don't want to become someone

Who can't live up to what I already done, don't

Here comes a comeback

The kid is back, is back on track

And there goes my hero

He's the underdog, he's coming out on top, and

[Cheers and applause]

You know, it's a good thing

that your dad was home when this happened.

Oh, no, no, no, not a dad. I'm just a concerned neighbor...

concerned single neighbor.

Then it's a good thing that your neighbor was home.

Well, Will's always home.

Gives us plenty of time to bro down and hang

and see what kind of justice judge Judy's gonna hammer out.

Good kid.

So what is it exactly you do, Will,

that allows you all this time to "bro down"?

Well, he's a songwriter, a really popular one.

Oh, Marcus, take it easy, all right?

Beautiful women don't like to hear

about how popular guys are

or the fact that they have 12% body fat.

You're really a songwriter?

Oh, you're just gonna blow over the whole body-fat thing.

Have you written anything that I know?

You totally would. Have you ever heard of...

Shh, shh, Marcus, Marcus.

You're losing blood, man, when you talk.

- Mm-hmm. - Dr. Lake?

They need you for a minute in room four.

Be right back.

Whoop.

Marcus, we never talk about Runaway Sleigh.

Was it a hit song? Yes.

Did it make me a lot of money? A ton.

But it's not really how I want to be seen as a songwriter.

- Why not? - It's not cool, man.

And I really want Dr. Smoke Show

to, uh... to think of me as cool.

- Sorry about that. - Yeah. No.

[Clears throat]

So, uh, who have you written for?

Only some of today's coolest artists.

- Marcus. - Like who?

Have you ever heard of Michael Bubl??

Seriously? Michael Bubl??

- I have Bubl?'d. - Never really been a fan.

[Door opens]

[Gasps] Oh, my God.

Doctor, is he going to walk again?

- Yes. - Does he need a blood transfusion?

Because I have the same blood type as him.

- Mom. - Mummy has the blood.

- The nurse will be right in. - Shh, darling, hold me.

- Let me heal you. Shh. - Mo-mom!

We're gonna pick up some herbs on the way home,

and we're gonna burn that shoe in a sacred ceremony of healing.

Excuse me, Dr. Lake? Do you have a quick sec?

I have the first wave of a multi-casualty incident

arriving in three minutes.

I would say that we got a nice little time crunch here.

Wow. You're an incredibly fast Walker.

High-school track, all-state.

Oh, really? I played baseball... all-county.

But it was a very big county.

I'm not gonna have sex with you.

- Uh, w-what? - I'm sorry.

I get incredibly blunt when I'm tired.

I'm just coming off a double,

and the coffee here tastes like roasted goat hoof.

I made that coffee you just insulted.

Sorry, Bev. You know I have

that "inappropriately blunt when tired" thing.

I love you. Not the coffee, but you.

- Where were we? - Sex with me.

Oh, yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Look, you're incredibly tall,

and you have an unusually fluffy head of hair,

which, I'm not gonna lie, turns me on.

And your man pecs are like Greek art.

You really are blunt when you're tired.

I kind of want to keep you awake for 12 hours

to see how deep, you know, this rabbit hole goes.

- I'm an emergency-room doctor. - Mm-hmm.

You know, I don't have time right now for man pecs

unless they're impaled with some sort

of blunt-force instrument.

Yeah, it was nice meeting you, Will.

- Hey, Will? - Yes?

Please make sure that Marcus

keeps his stitches clean and dry.

Right. Clean and dry.

Who's Marcus?

She says the hospital coffee tastes like goat hooves.

Hoof, goat hoof.

Like the singular of goat hooves.

I mean, it was the cutest thing ever.

What's cute about "goat hoof"?

Nothing the way you say it.

[Sighs] You and an E.R. doctor.

What is wrong with me and an E.R. doctor?

This woman has brains.

She has a PhD in seeing through your bullcrap.

There was a definite spark, okay?

She's just too busy for a relationship right now.

She blew you off. Total blow-off. Andy?

- Well, it might be... - Women like her don't date guys

who lay around playing video games all day

and lie about writing songs for Michael Bubl?.

I didn't lie.

Marcus did. I just confirmed it.

Why don't you just go back

to the hospital and tell her the truth?

The truth? That I wrote a Christmas song eight years ago

and haven't written anything since?

Honestly, Andy, you'd have a better chance with her.

Andy's taken. I will kill you if you stray.

- I will kill you. - Women crave honesty, Will.

We do.

God, I'm so proud of how you're starting to evolve.

- Thanks. - Truth.

The truth.

Wow, man. I'm really blowing my mind right now.

I'm on the gravel. I'm on the walkway...

Walking down the walkway, going up the stairs.

All right, mother, I'm safely on our property.

Can I sign off now?

[Sighs]

It's getting better

You look tired, darling. Is everything okay?

Hello! Surprise.

It's your mummy.

[Chuckles]

I figured out a way for us to be together all the time.

- Isn't that great? - It's...

It's just great.

And I left you some precut orange wedges right there.

You don't have to cut anything.

I hid all the knives anyway. [Laughs]

Don't look for them.

[Sighs]

I told him he couldn't stay here,

but then he said he loved my coffee.

You are too easy.

It's 2:00 in the morning. What are you doing here?

I wanted to talk to you about the Michael Bubl? thing.

- I, um... - Yeah.

Look, I apologize. I was rude.

Um...

But the fact that you write for somebody

who connects with that many people,

it's really impressive.

Okay, but here's the thing.

I mean, maybe, you know, Bubl? isn't exactly my taste,

but, I mean, you're a professional songwriter.

It's not like you're writing jingles for dog-food ads

or some one-hit wonder or something.

You know, you're a working professional...

The real deal.

It's very cool.

So did you come here to play me something?

You know, it can wait.

I just... I'm not really feeling the acoustics of this room.

It feels flat to me.

Ah Yeah, it's... it's very flat.

- Come on, play me something. - It's late.

There are people sleeping. I don't know.

There's only room 6, and she's knocked out, so...

Something that you've written, maybe not Bubl?.

[Chuckles] Okay.

Let's see here. Um...

- No Bubl?. - No.

- Okay. - Mm-hmm.

Hey, little girl with the crooked smile

You got a love so warm, make my heart so wild

Oh-oh, yeah

And I will follow you

To the end of the world

Jump off the edge

- I love that song. - You know that song?

I totally know that song. It's Rivvers.

You know Rivvers? Nobody knows Rivvers.

I love Rivvers. They used to be...

River Shiver.

That's like knowing Beck before...

- Beck was Beck. - It's the work of genius.

You mean the work of your genius.

Right.

I mean, I think the thing is, like,

I give them the words, and they kind of, you know,

do their thing with it, so it's...

Oh, I feel like we just had 15 minutes of intense foreplay.

[Clears throat] [Chuckles]

God, I need to work on this blunt thing.

Do you want to grab a bite with me, Dr. Lake?

I definitely want to grab a bite with you.

- And it's Sam. - Okay, Sam.

Oh, and I'm a huge sports fan...

Niners, not Raiders, "A"s, not Giants,

which, by the way, are total deal breakers.

I will not exchange bodily fluids

with a Raiders fan under any condition whatsoever.

- Wow. - What?

You are incredible.

Hey, you got a little...

Mustard.

What about now?

[Laughs] Nope.

Yeah.

What about you?

I like to ambush women at their place of work...

Mm-hmm.

Buy them fast-food burgers at late-night drive-throughs,

and then bring them to dimly lit city parks

and endanger their safety.

[Laughs]

You think any of those paddleboats are unlocked?

[Both laughing]

Uh, um, 2%... whole milk.

- Yes. - Oh, my God.

- So good. - Okay, okay.

I got another one. All right.

Here we go. Favorite John Hughes movie?

- No brainer. Breakfast Club. - Yes.

Seriously, the first time I saw that movie,

I practiced the whole

"Molly Ringwald lipstick between the boobs" thing

for, like, a week.

I really like thinking about that.

- [Laughs] - Oh, my God.

My friend Andy told me

that's the hill that if you climb,

that's the best view of the city.

Want to go up?

I kind of like the view right here.

[Acoustic indie rock]

You in the red boat, put your hands in the air

and your feet off the pedals, now.

- It's the paddleboat police. - What do we do? What do we do?

Take your feet off the pedals.

I'm not going to paddleboat jail.

Paddle! Paddle, paddle, paddle.

Get your feet off the pedals.

- Go! He's gaining! - He's gaining!

Whoo!

Eat our wake! [Laughs]

"Will's perfect girl."

I can't believe you've had this since you were ten.

- I'm making a point here. Read. - "Number one... no braces."

- I assume that's a gimme. - Check.

"Number two... looks like Christie Brinkley

"or Kelly Lebrock

or a combination of their best parts."

- What, no Elle MacPherson? - Oh, turn the page.

Mm?

- Oh. - Ah.

Okay.

"Number three... has boobs."

Check, but let's move down the list.

"Loves the "A"s, not the Giants"?

Check, and likes the Niners, not the Raiders, check.

- Really? - Honestly, man.

If you look at the whole thing,

she checks off every single thing on the list.

- She's perfect. - Wow.

Okay, you really like this girl.

I mean, she's amazing. Really, she's amazing.

That's fantastic.

Honestly, it's terrifying, dude.

My life is perfect as it is, right?

I have freedom. I have fun. I have money.

And, yes, like, eventually,

I want to settle down and have someone that,

you know, I care about,

but, like, why would I want to complicate my life with... with...

- Love. - Do not use that word.

- It's love. - It's so early.

What are you talking about?

Come on, then what is it, then, if it's not love?

She's just different.

Will, we need to talk.

Where did you come from?

- The wall. Get over it. - Not now, Marcus.

I'm in the middle of an existential crisis here.

I'm having an existential crisis of my own.

Wait. Do you even know what "existential" means?

Does Will?

I am a captive in my own house, Will.

I went from limited freedom to complete lockdown,

all because of one self-stabbing.

Marcus, if you want your mother

to think that you're mature,

you got to tell her how you feel.

You got to say, like, you know, that...

that she's in... that she's incredible,

I mean, that you never felt this way

about anyone before, ever.

He's not talking about your mom anymore.

Thank you, captain obvious.

So how's my favorite patient doing?

- I'm... - He's a bit constipated.

Probably unrelated, but you're the doctor.

- [Cell phone ringing] - Hold on.

Morganic Toys, where nature meets nurture.

Um, hold on.

I'm afraid my injury

has sent her into a working-mother guilt spiral

that has manifested itself

into a state of overprotectiveness.

Sounds rough. So, um, how is Will doing?

Just as amazing as every other day.

He is pretty great, isn't he?

Wait, wait. Who's great? Who's great?

Will.

It's like when we were dreaming who we would live next to,

we didn't know to dream this big.

Yeah, I hear you.

You know, you're really lucky that he was home.

Must have been pretty scary

being home alone with a knife in your foot.

[Sarcastically] Oh, yeah, we're really lucky

that Will lives next door to us doing nothing all day long

while some of us have to work for a living.

I would think he'd be pretty busy

writing songs for Michael Bubl? and Rivvers.

Is Will writing music again?

Oh, my God. Blimey.

He hasn't had a job for years.

I just thought he was lazy.

[Bruno Mars' Treasure]

Hi... holy smoke, you look good.

- Come on in. - Hi.

- It's good to see you. - [Exhales deeply]

Cheers.

When you're mine, all mine

Mine, all mine, treasure...

I can't believe that this sheet music is something

that Rivvers might be singing one day.

- It's pretty unbelievable. - Will you play me something?

This Chinese, uh, gets cold real quickly.

It's not like other Chinese foods.

Listen, today I removed a screwdriver

from a 300-pound man.

- I'm not saying from where. - [Chuckles]

I'm just saying I deserve a little joy in my life.

Joy.

Yeah.

Sure thing.

You know, I don't normally like to show people anything

until it's done, you know, so...

I promise not to judge...

Unless, of course, it's really bad.

[Chuckles]

All right.

[Plays piano key]

A little intro action.

- [Mid-tempo beat playing] - And this stays like this.

You kind of got to imagine it right at...

- [Rapid beat playing] - This point.

You know, you're gonna get a urban v-v-v.

That part, I-I'll... still working on that.

But here we go.

[Playing mellow tune]

There's a fire in my head

There's a candle in my soul

There's two little boys

Playing ping-pong with

All this rock and roll

A little motorboat

Next to play-doh on the shelf

A tiny sailboat

With silver balls

Next to the little boys playing ping-pong

late at night

Seriously?

- Are you even a songwriter? - [Chuckles]

Have you been lying to me, Will?

Great.

[Plays off-key chord] Sam, wait.

I've never written for Rivvers or Bubl?, okay?

But I really am a songwriter.

I'm not currently writing anything, per se, now, but...

Goodbye, Will.

[Door slams]

[Exhales]

Oh, hey, Will, are you grilling?

If you are, I wouldn't say no to a burger.

I'm not grilling, Marcus.

I'm metaphorically burning my hopes and dreams.

Is there room for a burger?

I can't be outside of my Skype radius

for more than three minutes, though, so make it quick.

Marcus, you know you can't live like this, man.

Neither can you.

Don't give up on trying to find the perfect girl.

I'm not giving up on finding the perfect girl.

I found her.

It's just... I'm not the perfect guy.

Do you get it?

You're perfect to me.

Thank you, Marcus. That means...

Well, nothing, really,

but it was really nice of you to say.

Will, hang on.

Part of what makes you perfect to me

is that you've let me see the real you.

You're totally flawed... kind of a mess, really...

but we all are one way or another.

If this is really the perfect girl,

she'll love you, flaws and all.

You know, Marcus, I think you're more of an adult

than you or your mom realize.

Oh, good boy.

Good boy, doing your homework.

[Gasps] It's on a loop!

- Fiona? - We need you to park these.

It's on a loop. I'm terribly sorry,

but I'm gonna have to step out for a minute.

Another emergency?

Like when your son "stabbed" himself?

Fiona, this is becoming untenable.

We need you.

No, my little boy needs me more.

No, he does not.

You took him out of the house unauthorized.

And this whole computer stunt...

that was all you as well, wasn't it?

Let's just dial back the crazy a little bit.

- I'm just his ride. - Listen, mom...

We need to talk.

- Okay. - [Sighs]

I wish we could spend every single second

of every single day together,

but it's just not realistic.

Or normal.

Since you started working more hours,

I've been having a lot of guilt.

I know your head is home with me

when it should be here at work.

No, no, darling, that's not true.

- It's totally true. - It is, very much so.

Well, maybe it's a bit true.

So, I mean, is it a crime to want to spend

all my time with my little baby?

I'm not your little baby anymore.

I'm your prepubescent tween.

I know you are. I just... I love you so much.

And I'm sorry that I hold on so tight.

[Straining] I love you, mom...

Flaws and all.

- There you go. - Oh, lover boy is here.

And I don't think he's here for my coffee.

You are correct, Bev.

I have something I need to say to Sam.

I am a songwriter, okay?

I wrote a famous Christmas song.

Ooh, I'm gonna Google that.

I wrote it eight years ago,

and I haven't written anything since.

There's a million excuses why,

but the real reason I haven't written anything

is that I'm just... I'm scared

that, um... that I'll fail

and that I'm not good.

Hi. How you doing?

I'll be with you in one minute.

- Hmm. - Anyway...

I just wanted you to know that,

'cause I really haven't told anyone that before except you

and all these drunk, sickly, and injured people.

Um, Sam, I like you.

I like you a lot, and I hope you'll give me another chance.

Oh, and you wanted me to sing you a song that I wrote.

After school one winter day

I came across a big red sleigh

Broken down on highway 63

Cursing it with all his might

A man whose face I knew on sight

He wrote this song.

And smile at me

I'm guessing you are nine or ten

And I can fly my sleigh again

If you find it in your heart to believe

All: won't you ride

In my runaway sleigh?

The reindeer might be biting

But they still know the way

And we can fly these presents

To the good girls and the boys

And we'll all have

A merry Christmas [Pa system beeps]

Blue team to I.C.U. Please. Blue team, I.C.U.

That's for you. You have an emergency.

Okay.

But even so

It gave me pause

Something in this picture seemed so wrong

His suit was wrinkled, full of holes

His shoes untied, his cheeks had moles

And I swear I saw him sipping something strong

All: won't you ride

In my runaway sleigh?

We're missing a few seat belts

But hold on, we're on our way

And we can fly these presents

To the good girls and the boys

And we'll all have a merry Christmas

Yeah!

[Cheers and applause]

- Whoo! - Whoo-hoo!

[Retching]

Orderly?

Sync and corrections by madhatters www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0