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1
00:00:00,968 --> 00:00:02,235
[Doorbell dings]
2
00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:04,336
Oh, hey, Shea.
3
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,337
I don't see you smiling like that
first thing in the morning.
4
00:00:06,339 --> 00:00:08,107
Did something bad happen
to Taylor Swift?
5
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:10,676
No, the Region 7 movie
is coming out tonight.
6
00:00:12,445 --> 00:00:15,147
Based on the amazing
post-apocalyptic graphic novel?
7
00:00:15,149 --> 00:00:16,283
Oh, I see.
8
00:00:16,308 --> 00:00:18,484
I tend to stick to the more
pre-apocalyptic stuff.
9
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:21,120
According to the Internet,
the movie doesn't even suck.
10
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,321
I'm dying to see it.
11
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:23,655
Well,
as your official boyfriend,
12
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:25,257
it is my official duty
to take you.
13
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:29,495
Cool. It's only playing
in the Megadome in 3-D.
14
00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:32,731
Uh, the Megadome?
15
00:00:32,733 --> 00:00:35,734
Isn't that the place
with the $16 tickets?
16
00:00:35,736 --> 00:00:38,203
Plus four for 3-D glasses
17
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:41,407
and the ungodly markup
on popcorn and candy...
18
00:00:41,409 --> 00:00:43,409
Uh, hey, so you walking me
to school or not?
19
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,810
Of course.
20
00:00:44,812 --> 00:00:47,212
I am your official boyfriend.
21
00:00:47,214 --> 00:00:50,082
[Quietly] Which is, sadly,
an unpaid position.
22
00:00:51,151 --> 00:00:52,751
Boom!
23
00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:55,487
Gobble, gobble.
Two more for the gobbler.
24
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:57,790
You have no idea
how much I needed this.
25
00:00:57,792 --> 00:01:00,392
This is amazing.
[Mumbling through food] Oh, my God.
26
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,394
Hey, do you want to be alone
with the dipping sauces,
27
00:01:02,396 --> 00:01:03,396
or what do you need?
28
00:01:03,397 --> 00:01:07,166
The reason what I call the Kim Jong-Un
stage of her pregnancy right now...
29
00:01:07,168 --> 00:01:10,669
She's a ruthless, waddling
little dictator
30
00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:13,405
who's denied her people
of all food.
31
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:16,542
On this conflict-free,
sugar-free diet.
32
00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:18,110
It's supposed to be good
for the baby.
33
00:01:18,112 --> 00:01:19,812
She took the cookies.
She took the candy.
34
00:01:19,814 --> 00:01:21,447
Then she came for the ketchup.
35
00:01:21,449 --> 00:01:23,315
You can't take a man's ketchup.
36
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:24,317
Well, have no fear.
37
00:01:24,318 --> 00:01:25,818
Sit back, relax,
38
00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:27,820
because you've got
double-fried hot wings
39
00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:29,088
here at Thunderballs.
40
00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:30,556
We got a beautiful view...
41
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:32,524
[Rock music playing]
42
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,626
- Of what?
- Of Fiona's boyfriend.
43
00:01:34,628 --> 00:01:38,696
What is Mr. Snooty Pants Shakespeare
doing at Thunderballs?
44
00:01:38,698 --> 00:01:41,767
Did he get lost on his way
to the open-shirt convention?
45
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,335
And who is the hottie?
46
00:01:43,337 --> 00:01:46,672
Actually she is hot. Almost as hot
as this Chipotle dipping sauce
47
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:48,607
I'm about to get into
right here.
48
00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,110
(Will) Look at his
penetrating eye stare.
49
00:01:51,112 --> 00:01:52,511
That's his signature move.
50
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:54,313
It's like,
"are you talking to me, Chris,
51
00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,849
or are you trying to eat
the skin off of my face?"
52
00:01:56,851 --> 00:01:59,384
Just like I'm eating the skin
off of these wings.
53
00:01:59,386 --> 00:02:01,320
Could you stop with the wings
for a second here?
54
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:05,891
This is serious. This is-- this is a
potential cheating situation, Andy.
55
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:08,160
(Andy)
Fine.
56
00:02:10,363 --> 00:02:11,864
Dude, he's coming over.
He's coming over.
57
00:02:11,866 --> 00:02:13,132
[Laughing]
58
00:02:13,134 --> 00:02:14,233
- Hey.
- Hey.
59
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,467
What's going--
this is so weird.
60
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:16,768
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
61
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,303
Imagine running into
you guys here.
62
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:21,140
Quel coincidence spectaculaire.
63
00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:22,608
This is my colleague Gabriella,
64
00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:24,243
and we were--
we were just heading out.
65
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,311
So enjoy your winged delicacies.
66
00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:27,313
Ciao.
67
00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:28,614
(Chris)
Let's go.
68
00:02:28,616 --> 00:02:29,882
[Laughs]
69
00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,350
"Colleague," see?
70
00:02:31,352 --> 00:02:32,363
Nothing to worry about.
71
00:02:32,388 --> 00:02:34,386
Are you kidding me? This
was no coincidence.
72
00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:39,525
That guy is a liar, liar,
pantaloons on fire,
73
00:02:39,527 --> 00:02:41,760
and I am gonna tell Fiona
74
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,328
ze truth!
75
00:02:43,330 --> 00:02:44,596
The fact that it's also
76
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,798
the most epic
"I told you so" ever
77
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,233
is just ze icing on the cake.
78
00:02:48,235 --> 00:02:50,769
I called this, Andy. I called this
the minute that little man
79
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:51,937
pranced into Fiona's life.
80
00:02:51,939 --> 00:02:53,272
I called this!
81
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:57,910
[Brett Dennen's Comeback Kid(That's My Dog)]
82
00:02:57,912 --> 00:03:00,612
Well, maybe
it's the common curse
83
00:03:00,614 --> 00:03:03,916
maybe things get bad
before they get worse
84
00:03:03,918 --> 00:03:05,817
I don't want
to become someone
85
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:09,588
who can't live up
to what I already done, don't
86
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:11,223
here comes a comeback
87
00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:13,792
the kid is back,
is back on track
88
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:16,795
and there goes my hero
89
00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:20,699
he's the underdog,
he's coming out on top, and
90
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:23,735
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
91
00:03:25,939 --> 00:03:28,907
[Sighs]
92
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:32,911
[Pounding]
Ow.
93
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:33,946
What?
94
00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:36,582
I have some news,
and it's not good.
95
00:03:39,852 --> 00:03:42,921
I think you should
take a seat.
96
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:44,923
I'm just gonna get right to it,
Fiona.
97
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,101
Here it goes:
98
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:49,228
I was at Thunderballs
with Andy tonight,
99
00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:52,698
and we saw something
disturbing.
100
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,766
I would imagine you see
quite a few disturbing things
101
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,702
at a place called
"Thunderballs."
102
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:57,803
That is true,
103
00:03:57,805 --> 00:03:59,838
but this was
uniquely disturbing,
104
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,773
and I would be remiss
if I didn't tell you about it.
105
00:04:01,775 --> 00:04:03,375
Did you run into
my boyfriend?
106
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,244
Yes, I did.
107
00:04:05,246 --> 00:04:06,778
How did you know--
[Stammers]
108
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:07,780
How do you know that?
109
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,615
(Chris)
Is that Will?
110
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:12,251
Ah, we meet again, sir.
111
00:04:12,253 --> 00:04:13,418
You know, I'm starting to think
112
00:04:13,420 --> 00:04:14,419
you're getting
a bit of a crush on me.
113
00:04:14,421 --> 00:04:16,888
H-how did he--
What--
114
00:04:16,890 --> 00:04:18,257
[stammering]
When was--
115
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:20,025
What's going on?
116
00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,426
You move like the night.
117
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,465
So Gabriella runs
an education NGO
118
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:27,666
that I do some consulting with,
119
00:04:27,668 --> 00:04:29,401
and she's only in town
for a short while,
120
00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:30,902
so we needed to find
a spot to meet
121
00:04:30,904 --> 00:04:32,871
halfway between my school
and her hotel.
122
00:04:32,873 --> 00:04:34,606
And whom do I run into?
123
00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:35,974
"Whom" indeed.
124
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,609
It is such a small world,
isn't it?
125
00:04:37,611 --> 00:04:39,511
Cosmically speaking,
absolutely.
126
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:41,780
Anyway, I just popped in
to say a quick buenas noches.
127
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,918
- Buenas noches.
- I got to shuffle off.
128
00:04:43,943 --> 00:04:46,150
I've got a huge day tomorrow.
Good night.
129
00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:47,953
Will, I will see you
in five minutes.
130
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:48,955
[Laughs]
Just kidding.
131
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,290
- [Chuckles]
- Stop stalking me.
132
00:04:51,292 --> 00:04:52,424
Don't touch me.
[Fiona and Chris laugh]
133
00:04:52,426 --> 00:04:53,558
All right, see you later, bro.
134
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:54,593
Bye, guys.
135
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,561
[Laughing]
136
00:04:56,563 --> 00:04:58,897
Okay, we are not buying this
for one second.
137
00:04:58,899 --> 00:04:59,931
Buying what?
138
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:01,433
He's lying to you.
139
00:05:01,435 --> 00:05:02,435
I was there.
140
00:05:02,436 --> 00:05:03,935
He was in a dark corner
141
00:05:03,937 --> 00:05:07,406
talking to
a very attractive woman,
142
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:11,510
leaning in real close to her,
like this.
143
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:14,012
Like he was actually interested
in what she had to say?
144
00:05:14,014 --> 00:05:16,048
This is not
an interested lean.
145
00:05:16,050 --> 00:05:17,749
This is the sex lean.
146
00:05:17,751 --> 00:05:19,351
I perfected this lean.
147
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:20,419
I invented this lean.
148
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,787
Chris is not you.
149
00:05:21,789 --> 00:05:24,523
He is sensitive,
and he's layered.
150
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:26,091
The only layers he has--
151
00:05:26,093 --> 00:05:27,559
layer one,
152
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:31,496
I am a tool boyfriend
with a shite-y haircut,
153
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,532
and layer number two,
cheating toad.
154
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:37,102
On the contrary,
Chris is a kind, worldly,
155
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:39,805
sophisticated man
whom I love.
156
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,673
Spoiler alert:
I love him.
157
00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,975
And I am planning a ritual
tomorrow night
158
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:45,844
where I'm gonna tell him
just that.
159
00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:48,780
Why are you planning a ritual
to tell him you love him?
160
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,415
And--but why do you love him?
161
00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:52,384
We're right together.
162
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:54,653
He is the almond milk
in my chai.
163
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:57,522
He is the kimchi
on my hemp dog.
164
00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:00,559
I'm telling you,
the kimchi has gone bad.
165
00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:02,861
Kimchi is meant to go bad, Will.
166
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:06,732
Fermentation is what produces
all of its nutritional benefits.
167
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:07,933
Burn.
168
00:06:08,935 --> 00:06:10,902
[Growls]
169
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:20,412
And this beautiful collection
of gently-used knives
170
00:06:20,414 --> 00:06:22,547
can almost spread any butter.
171
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:24,683
Here.
Check this out.
172
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,885
You just take a nice glob,
and you just--
173
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:31,823
well, you see, the almond's
a little on the chunky...
174
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:32,924
Side.
175
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:35,961
And they could be yours
for only $73.
176
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:37,629
$73?
177
00:06:37,631 --> 00:06:39,664
For your mom's old knives?
178
00:06:39,666 --> 00:06:41,066
[Scoffs]
They don't even cut.
179
00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:43,735
Well, I'm not permitted
to handle sharp objects.
180
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:46,772
[Sighs]
181
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:49,107
You're right. Hopeless.
182
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:51,076
I apologize
for wasting your time.
183
00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,412
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
184
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:54,946
[Groans]
185
00:06:54,948 --> 00:06:56,448
Why are you so desperate
for money?
186
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:57,716
Doesn't Fiona give you
an allowance?
187
00:06:57,718 --> 00:06:59,084
Oh, she does.
188
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:00,852
An emotional allowance.
189
00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,854
But they don't accept hugs
at the movies,
190
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,089
which is where I'm taking
my girlfriend.
191
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:05,891
I'll tell you what.
192
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:07,092
If you can put together
the crib
193
00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:08,827
that Andy has been too inept
to assemble...
194
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:09,829
- No.
- I will pay you.
195
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:12,564
- I got it.
- 25 bucks.
196
00:07:12,566 --> 00:07:14,733
- No.
- 25 bucks?
197
00:07:14,735 --> 00:07:15,867
I'll throw in a sandwich.
198
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,436
[Sighs]
199
00:07:17,438 --> 00:07:20,038
Persuasive.
200
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,706
Deal.
201
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:22,708
Deal.
202
00:07:22,709 --> 00:07:26,111
I got a couple
breakfast burritos for us.
203
00:07:26,113 --> 00:07:28,013
And I've got some gummy bears.
204
00:07:28,015 --> 00:07:29,581
I know how you like
the clear ones.
205
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:30,749
Can you just settle down,
all right?
206
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,518
This a stakeout. It's not one of
your mommy groups, all right?
207
00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,621
So you do not want
a squeeze-gurt.
208
00:07:37,557 --> 00:07:39,024
Give me that.
209
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:41,660
I am so excited about this.
210
00:07:41,662 --> 00:07:43,829
It's like
we're a buddy cop duo.
211
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:44,863
And by the way,
can I be the hothead
212
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,031
who doesn't play by the rules?
213
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:47,532
'Cause Laurie's always
got me playing--
214
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:48,700
Oh, shh-shh.
Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh.
215
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,669
There he is.
Stay sharp, partner.
216
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,204
Here we go.
It's go time.
217
00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:53,773
Look at you, Chris.
218
00:07:53,798 --> 00:07:55,340
[Scoffs] Whistle.
219
00:07:55,341 --> 00:07:57,943
Nobody whistles unless they got
something to hide, Andy.
220
00:07:57,945 --> 00:07:59,578
Or they're a dwarf.
221
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:00,846
Copy that.
222
00:08:00,848 --> 00:08:03,815
We won't rest until we expose
his web of lies.
223
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,618
Or until 3:00 when Madison's
got to go down for a nap.
224
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:10,021
She doesn't nap by 3:00
then she's a total b-i-t-c-h.
225
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,760
(Will)
Oh, he's moving.
226
00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:17,629
(Andy)
Okay, put your seat belt on.
227
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:18,797
This is gonna get crazy.
228
00:08:24,704 --> 00:08:27,506
Oh, where you going now,
Casanova?
229
00:08:27,508 --> 00:08:29,674
Uh, uh--oh.
A gym?
230
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,643
Don't worry.
He's gonna slip.
231
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:33,578
And when he does,
we'll be there.
232
00:08:33,580 --> 00:08:36,014
(Will)
Another gym? What?
233
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:37,983
You got to admit,
it really works for him.
234
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:39,594
I do not admit!
235
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:41,220
Oh, did you see him just
blow by that homeless guy?
236
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:42,554
Two hours to work out,
237
00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,689
but not one minute
for a homeless man.
238
00:08:44,691 --> 00:08:46,825
How layered is that?
239
00:08:46,827 --> 00:08:48,044
Pretty layered.
240
00:08:48,069 --> 00:08:51,696
He literally just gave the guy
the shirt off of his own back.
241
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,698
[Growls]
242
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,667
He found homes
for a box of kittens,
243
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,602
and he taught that veteran
how to read,
244
00:08:57,604 --> 00:09:00,071
but it's sure hard
to do good deeds
245
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,773
when you're at a strip club.
246
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,108
(Andy)
When you're at a strip club.
247
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:04,110
[Chuckles]
Busted.
248
00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:05,577
- Got you now.
- Jackpot.
249
00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:06,878
(Andy)
You're not gonna like this.
250
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,580
What?
Give me that.
251
00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:11,583
[Beverly Hills Cop theme]
252
00:09:11,585 --> 00:09:19,024
253
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,059
What?
No. No.
254
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,562
You've got to be kidding me.
255
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:24,729
Give me the keys.
256
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:25,731
I'm going rogue.
257
00:09:25,732 --> 00:09:27,599
You're going rogue in my car?
258
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:29,034
With my kids?
259
00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:31,870
That's a good catch.
260
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,071
I can go rogue in a Town Car.
261
00:09:34,574 --> 00:09:38,610
[Easy listening music playing]
262
00:09:38,612 --> 00:09:40,679
[Grunts]
Hey.
263
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,055
"Hey, it's Chris.
264
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:52,757
"I can't wait to have morally
reprehensible sex with you
265
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:53,992
behind my girlfriend's back."
266
00:09:53,994 --> 00:09:55,894
"Yes,
267
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:59,331
"just like that tall, handsome
man at the bar predicted.
268
00:09:59,333 --> 00:10:02,100
He is always right."
269
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:08,373
270
00:10:08,375 --> 00:10:10,108
[thud]
271
00:10:13,946 --> 00:10:18,183
[Whistling]
272
00:10:21,387 --> 00:10:25,123
[Whistling]
273
00:10:26,859 --> 00:10:28,326
[Sniffs]
Hmm.
274
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:36,401
275
00:10:39,271 --> 00:10:40,271
- Aha!
- Geez!
276
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:41,273
- [Screams]
- Ah.
277
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:43,141
Will!
Bloody hell.
278
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,210
Just making sure
you guys are playing safe.
279
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:46,811
No glove, no love, right?
280
00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:51,303
Are you completely insane?
281
00:10:51,328 --> 00:10:53,310
Okay, first of all, when
I followed him here,
282
00:10:53,335 --> 00:10:55,336
I clearly thought
he was meeting someone else,
283
00:10:55,338 --> 00:10:56,371
so that's on me.
284
00:10:56,373 --> 00:10:58,473
Wait, you were following me?
Why would you do that?
285
00:10:58,498 --> 00:10:59,173
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah.
286
00:10:59,175 --> 00:11:01,242
If you want to ask a question,
you got to raise your hand.
287
00:11:01,244 --> 00:11:03,378
Oh, my God.
Have you lost it completely?
288
00:11:03,380 --> 00:11:05,380
Okay, listen, I may have been
slightly mistaken
289
00:11:05,382 --> 00:11:07,282
about what was, you know,
going on in here,
290
00:11:07,284 --> 00:11:09,984
but that little t?te-?-t?te
at Thunderballs
291
00:11:09,986 --> 00:11:12,253
was more than
a business meeting.
292
00:11:12,255 --> 00:11:13,421
I would bet my life on it,
Fiona.
293
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:14,423
No, no, no.
294
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:16,557
I would bet my hair on it.
295
00:11:16,559 --> 00:11:18,993
You know, not right now,
obviously, with the hat head-y,
296
00:11:18,995 --> 00:11:20,428
but when it's firing
on all cylinders.
297
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,597
And I'm gonna tell you,
I will be damned
298
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,966
if I let Fiona
carry through on her plan
299
00:11:24,968 --> 00:11:26,401
to tell you that she loves you
on a day--
300
00:11:26,403 --> 00:11:27,602
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
301
00:11:30,039 --> 00:11:32,507
You were gonna tell me
you loved me?
302
00:11:32,509 --> 00:11:34,375
Yeah, and this is exactly
how I wanted to do it.
303
00:11:34,377 --> 00:11:37,545
I was gonna get a room, fill it
with flowers and champagne,
304
00:11:37,547 --> 00:11:39,580
so I could have my neighbor
come over here
305
00:11:39,582 --> 00:11:42,517
and just with his big,
trumpet-y gob,
306
00:11:42,519 --> 00:11:44,385
just blurt it out.
307
00:11:44,387 --> 00:11:47,422
Would you mind possibly
pissing off?
308
00:11:47,424 --> 00:11:49,257
- I'm telling you right now, I--
- Let me rephrase that.
309
00:11:49,259 --> 00:11:51,192
Get out!
310
00:11:51,194 --> 00:11:52,593
- No. Fiona!
- Get out.
311
00:11:52,595 --> 00:11:53,695
- Don't trust him.
- Get out.
312
00:11:53,697 --> 00:11:55,530
Don't trust him.
Don't have sex with him.
313
00:11:55,532 --> 00:11:57,632
[Door clicks]
314
00:11:57,634 --> 00:11:59,000
I'm so sorry.
315
00:11:59,002 --> 00:12:00,335
[Sighs]
316
00:12:00,337 --> 00:12:04,172
So sorry about that.
317
00:12:04,174 --> 00:12:09,377
Can we still salvage
what's left of the evening?
318
00:12:10,612 --> 00:12:13,348
Fiona, uh...
319
00:12:13,350 --> 00:12:16,150
Will may not be
entirely an idiot.
320
00:12:16,152 --> 00:12:18,219
At least not in this regard.
321
00:12:18,221 --> 00:12:20,455
It was more than
a business meeting.
322
00:12:22,291 --> 00:12:24,158
Well, what was it?
323
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:26,661
It was a job offer.
324
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:29,530
Gabriella and some of
our former colleagues
325
00:12:29,532 --> 00:12:31,099
have put together
326
00:12:31,101 --> 00:12:33,001
this incredible
leadership academy,
327
00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:35,470
only they lost their principal
last minute,
328
00:12:35,472 --> 00:12:37,271
and they need someone
to fill in right away.
329
00:12:37,273 --> 00:12:38,773
An academy where?
330
00:12:38,775 --> 00:12:40,308
In Tanzania.
331
00:12:40,310 --> 00:12:43,678
Tanzania, Africa, Tanzania?
332
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:46,280
Well, that's very far away,
isn't it?
333
00:12:46,282 --> 00:12:48,583
You have no idea how heavily
this has been weighing on me.
334
00:12:48,585 --> 00:12:50,151
I haven't been able
to make up my mind.
335
00:12:50,153 --> 00:12:51,719
I mean, one minute
I think it's a great idea.
336
00:12:51,721 --> 00:12:54,389
The next minute--
I can't imagine leaving you,
337
00:12:54,391 --> 00:12:56,157
leaving this.
338
00:12:56,159 --> 00:12:58,793
Look, they're asking for
a three-month commitment.
339
00:12:58,795 --> 00:13:00,561
And I know, right now,
that that feels like
340
00:13:00,563 --> 00:13:02,797
a lifetime when we're just
starting to lay the foundation
341
00:13:02,799 --> 00:13:04,399
of our life together.
342
00:13:04,401 --> 00:13:05,401
Just three months?
343
00:13:05,402 --> 00:13:06,534
Just three months,
344
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:08,036
and then I'd--
I'd come right back,
345
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,438
if you'll have me.
346
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:12,540
Oh, I mean,
you have to do it.
347
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:15,309
It's a great chance to let you
pursue your dreams.
348
00:13:15,311 --> 00:13:17,145
I'll be here
when you come back.
349
00:13:17,147 --> 00:13:18,346
I mean, I won't be here.
350
00:13:18,348 --> 00:13:19,547
I'll be in my house.
351
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:20,681
With more clothes on.
352
00:13:20,683 --> 00:13:22,350
I don't even think
this is on right.
353
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,554
I'd like to propose a toast.
354
00:13:26,556 --> 00:13:30,090
To quite simply the finest woman
I have ever known.
355
00:13:30,092 --> 00:13:33,628
And less importantly,
but worth mentioning,
356
00:13:33,630 --> 00:13:36,330
to Will not being right.
357
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:40,268
Look at this, Andy.
358
00:13:40,270 --> 00:13:41,702
- Mm-Hmm.
- Almost done.
359
00:13:41,704 --> 00:13:43,604
What has taken you weeks
not to do
360
00:13:43,606 --> 00:13:45,673
was done in one day
by a child.
361
00:13:45,675 --> 00:13:47,208
Speedy little fellow,
aren't you?
362
00:13:47,210 --> 00:13:50,545
Well, I actually can't believe
how easy it was.
363
00:13:50,547 --> 00:13:53,147
Of course, I am an excellent
follower of directions,
364
00:13:53,149 --> 00:13:55,683
Let's face it: An excellent
follower in general.
365
00:13:55,685 --> 00:13:57,552
(Laurie) Well, maybe you can
teach Andy a thing or two.
366
00:13:57,554 --> 00:13:59,153
He can't seem to put
anything together
367
00:13:59,155 --> 00:14:00,321
except an excuse.
368
00:14:00,323 --> 00:14:01,823
[Chuckles]
369
00:14:01,825 --> 00:14:04,525
I just peed my pants
emphasizing that word.
370
00:14:04,527 --> 00:14:07,395
I hate my whole life.
371
00:14:07,397 --> 00:14:09,597
Man, you got to feel
for Laurie,
372
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:12,400
hitching her wagon
to someone like you?
373
00:14:12,402 --> 00:14:14,268
All right, I didn't want it
to come to this,
374
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,670
but you leave me no choice.
375
00:14:15,672 --> 00:14:17,371
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret.
376
00:14:17,373 --> 00:14:19,807
This isn't just
an unfinished nursery.
377
00:14:19,809 --> 00:14:21,542
It's much more than that.
378
00:14:27,116 --> 00:14:28,683
It's a pop-up man cave.
379
00:14:28,685 --> 00:14:30,384
And the sooner
we get this work done,
380
00:14:30,386 --> 00:14:31,586
the sooner I get to losing
381
00:14:31,588 --> 00:14:34,288
this tiny, beautiful oasis
of solitude
382
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,857
amidst this house of chaos.
383
00:14:35,859 --> 00:14:38,793
Wow. Andy.
384
00:14:38,795 --> 00:14:41,329
I'm actually impressed.
385
00:14:41,331 --> 00:14:43,865
[Munching]
386
00:14:43,867 --> 00:14:45,566
You should be.
387
00:14:45,568 --> 00:14:47,735
So he was lying.
388
00:14:47,737 --> 00:14:50,138
I was right.
Just admit it.
389
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,839
You weren't.
You were, at best, wrong-ish.
390
00:14:51,841 --> 00:14:54,642
This beautiful man
was faced with a dilemma.
391
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,578
Does he go abroad and plant
the seedof learning in Tanzania,
392
00:14:57,580 --> 00:14:58,913
or does he stay and nurture
393
00:14:58,915 --> 00:15:01,382
the delicate seedling
of our love?
394
00:15:01,384 --> 00:15:04,152
Ugh, that may be
the single barf-iest sentence
395
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:05,219
ever uttered.
396
00:15:05,221 --> 00:15:06,287
You're wrong,
397
00:15:06,289 --> 00:15:08,389
and you just can't
get that fact
398
00:15:08,391 --> 00:15:09,924
through your thick,
swollen head
399
00:15:09,926 --> 00:15:12,527
of frankly
deeply overrated hair.
400
00:15:12,529 --> 00:15:14,295
Don't you think for a moment
401
00:15:14,297 --> 00:15:17,431
that you, in fact, are the one
who's not seeing the truth?
402
00:15:17,433 --> 00:15:19,433
That you want so badly
403
00:15:19,435 --> 00:15:22,803
for Chris to be
this rotting condiment
404
00:15:22,805 --> 00:15:24,305
of your dreams
405
00:15:24,307 --> 00:15:27,208
that you're just gonna wait
and wait around,
406
00:15:27,210 --> 00:15:28,910
and he's just gonna
break your heart?
407
00:15:28,912 --> 00:15:30,711
I'm a nonviolent person,
but I would like you
408
00:15:30,713 --> 00:15:32,446
to imagine me slapping you
really hard
409
00:15:32,448 --> 00:15:33,681
across the face right now.
410
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:36,484
Just don't come crying to me
when I'm right.
411
00:15:42,558 --> 00:15:46,094
All right, look, I knew having
a girlfriend would be labor-intensive,
412
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:48,529
but I had no idea
how expensive it would be.
413
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:49,531
Oh, tell me about it.
414
00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:50,598
That's why I didn't even have
415
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,766
a girlfriend in middle school.
416
00:15:51,768 --> 00:15:53,768
- Too much dough.
- Is that why, Andy?
417
00:15:53,770 --> 00:15:56,504
Well, the headgear didn't--
Didn't help either.
418
00:15:56,506 --> 00:15:57,872
All right, look.
419
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:59,707
I feel for you.
420
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:01,542
And that's why
I'm gonna cut you some slack.
421
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:02,673
What're you talking about?
422
00:16:02,698 --> 00:16:04,679
I'm willing to keep this
little secret of ours
423
00:16:04,681 --> 00:16:07,315
for, say...
424
00:16:07,317 --> 00:16:08,449
100 bucks.
425
00:16:08,451 --> 00:16:09,717
Are you kidding me?
426
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,126
After I empty my soul,
427
00:16:11,151 --> 00:16:12,986
share my secrets,
my beverages?
428
00:16:12,988 --> 00:16:15,323
You want this precious
little oasis of yours,
429
00:16:15,325 --> 00:16:17,225
and I want a stellar date
with my girlfriend.
430
00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:19,427
I'm sure you and me,
we can work this out.
431
00:16:19,429 --> 00:16:21,229
You're a mean little guy,
you know that?
432
00:16:22,864 --> 00:16:24,665
You know what's really mean?
433
00:16:24,667 --> 00:16:27,001
What?
434
00:16:27,003 --> 00:16:29,704
I would've taken 50.
435
00:16:29,706 --> 00:16:31,305
[Knocking at door]
436
00:16:31,307 --> 00:16:33,307
Come in. It's open.
437
00:16:33,309 --> 00:16:34,309
Hello.
438
00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:36,777
Aw, are you a sight
for sore eyes.
439
00:16:36,779 --> 00:16:38,312
Well, I knew
you'd be madly packing,
440
00:16:38,314 --> 00:16:39,780
so I brought you
some extra boxes.
441
00:16:39,782 --> 00:16:41,582
- And some wine.
- Beautiful.
442
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:43,751
That wine isn't in a box.
443
00:16:43,753 --> 00:16:44,852
It's in a bottle.
444
00:16:44,854 --> 00:16:46,654
It's a lovely gesture,
but you know what?
445
00:16:46,656 --> 00:16:50,358
I'm actually--
I'm all done packing.
446
00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,726
Wait.
447
00:16:51,728 --> 00:16:53,494
I hate to tell you,
but you have missed
448
00:16:53,496 --> 00:16:54,829
quite a few things.
449
00:16:54,831 --> 00:16:55,831
Oh, what, all this stuff?
450
00:16:55,832 --> 00:16:57,698
The artwork and the furniture?
451
00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:58,700
No, none of this is mine.
452
00:16:58,701 --> 00:16:59,834
This all came with the sublet.
453
00:16:59,836 --> 00:17:01,302
No, I'm very proud to say
454
00:17:01,304 --> 00:17:02,970
that everything I own
in the world...
455
00:17:02,972 --> 00:17:05,673
[Knocks]
Fits right in this trunk.
456
00:17:05,675 --> 00:17:07,441
What, literally everything
that you own
457
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:08,743
is in that trunk?
458
00:17:08,745 --> 00:17:10,011
Yeah.
459
00:17:10,013 --> 00:17:11,013
Oh, my God.
460
00:17:11,014 --> 00:17:12,713
I'd need a whole separate trunk
461
00:17:12,715 --> 00:17:14,315
just for hair products.
462
00:17:14,317 --> 00:17:15,483
When I was 18
and I was traveling
463
00:17:15,485 --> 00:17:16,851
through Thailand
for the first time,
464
00:17:16,853 --> 00:17:18,819
I met this sect of monks
465
00:17:18,821 --> 00:17:21,455
who had this rule
where each monk
466
00:17:21,457 --> 00:17:24,859
could only have five things
in life.
467
00:17:24,861 --> 00:17:27,595
Well, I made a vow
right then and there
468
00:17:27,597 --> 00:17:30,531
that everything I truly need
in life
469
00:17:30,533 --> 00:17:31,832
would fit inside a trunk,
470
00:17:31,834 --> 00:17:34,902
and I have been so much
happier ever since.
471
00:17:34,904 --> 00:17:36,437
Let me open that wine.
472
00:17:40,676 --> 00:17:42,743
[Hip-hop music]
473
00:17:42,745 --> 00:17:43,978
-
So, so def
-
yeah, yeah
474
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,813
(Jermaine Dupri)
In the Ferrari or Jaguar
475
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:47,315
switchin' four lanes
476
00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:48,349
with the top down
screamin' out
477
00:17:48,351 --> 00:17:49,583
money ain't a thang
478
00:17:49,585 --> 00:17:50,885
(Jay-Z)
Bubble hard
in the double R
479
00:17:50,887 --> 00:17:52,086
flashin' the rings
480
00:17:52,088 --> 00:17:53,454
with the window cracked,
holler back
481
00:17:53,456 --> 00:17:54,689
money ain't a thang
482
00:17:54,691 --> 00:17:55,690
(Jermaine Dupri)
I don't like it
483
00:17:55,692 --> 00:17:56,691
if it don't gleam clean
484
00:17:56,693 --> 00:17:57,858
and to hell with the price
485
00:17:57,860 --> 00:17:59,093
'cause the money
ain't a thang
486
00:17:59,095 --> 00:18:00,361
(Jay-Z)
put it down
hard for my dogs
487
00:18:00,363 --> 00:18:01,529
that's locked in the bang
488
00:18:01,531 --> 00:18:02,797
when you hit the bricks,
new whips
489
00:18:02,799 --> 00:18:04,065
money ain't a thang,
come on
490
00:18:04,067 --> 00:18:05,800
(Jermaine Dupri)
y'all wanna floss with us
491
00:18:05,802 --> 00:18:08,469
'cause all across the ball,
we burn it up
492
00:18:08,471 --> 00:18:10,471
drop a little paper,
baby, toss it up
493
00:18:10,473 --> 00:18:11,972
ya slackin' on your pimpin',
turn it up
494
00:18:11,974 --> 00:18:12,974
[clicks tongue]
495
00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:15,409
See, the money ain't a thang
496
00:18:15,411 --> 00:18:18,012
(woman in movie) Those things are
everywhere. We're never gonna make it.
497
00:18:18,014 --> 00:18:20,581
(Man in movie)
Don't give up.
498
00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:22,483
[Woman in movie gasps]
Did you hear that?
499
00:18:22,485 --> 00:18:23,617
[Explosion]
500
00:18:23,619 --> 00:18:26,520
[Woman in movie screams]
501
00:18:26,522 --> 00:18:29,490
[People clamoring in movie]
502
00:18:45,874 --> 00:18:48,576
Hey.
503
00:18:48,578 --> 00:18:50,478
If you look on
the bright side, I--
504
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,814
I'll be able to send some really
interesting fabrics from Tanzania.
505
00:18:53,816 --> 00:18:55,783
I know textiles
are your weakness.
506
00:18:55,785 --> 00:18:57,017
[Chuckles]
507
00:18:59,121 --> 00:19:01,122
I'm gonna go and get
the school up on its feet.
508
00:19:01,124 --> 00:19:02,957
I'm gonna get them
out of this jam, and then--
509
00:19:02,959 --> 00:19:05,393
And then the next great
opportunity's gonna come along,
510
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:06,594
and you're gonna jump on it.
511
00:19:06,596 --> 00:19:08,129
No, that is not the plan.
512
00:19:08,131 --> 00:19:09,597
The plan is, I go,
I do the job,
513
00:19:09,599 --> 00:19:11,665
and I come right back.
514
00:19:11,667 --> 00:19:13,934
That's not who you are.
515
00:19:13,936 --> 00:19:15,870
You're not a planner.
516
00:19:15,872 --> 00:19:19,006
You're a free spirit.
517
00:19:19,008 --> 00:19:22,009
You go where the inspiration
leads you, and...
518
00:19:22,011 --> 00:19:24,078
I'm--I'm--
I'm not gonna do this job.
519
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,913
I'm gonna cancel.
520
00:19:25,915 --> 00:19:27,515
I'm gonna call them
and tell them
521
00:19:27,517 --> 00:19:28,749
I--I can't do it.
522
00:19:28,751 --> 00:19:31,552
Darling, it's not about
the job.
523
00:19:31,554 --> 00:19:34,622
It's about the trunk.
524
00:19:34,624 --> 00:19:39,160
Your entire life
fits into one trunk.
525
00:19:39,162 --> 00:19:42,530
You move lightly
through the world.
526
00:19:42,532 --> 00:19:45,132
But Marcus and I,
527
00:19:45,134 --> 00:19:47,802
we're heavier than that,
you know?
528
00:19:47,804 --> 00:19:49,970
We don't fit in there, do we?
529
00:19:49,972 --> 00:19:51,972
That is crazy.
530
00:19:51,974 --> 00:19:53,874
I'll make room.
I want to.
531
00:19:53,876 --> 00:19:55,609
And there was a time
when I would've waited
532
00:19:55,611 --> 00:20:00,548
and waited and waited
and waited for that to happen.
533
00:20:00,550 --> 00:20:01,949
But I can't do that now.
534
00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:05,019
I have to see
exactly what is in front of me,
535
00:20:05,021 --> 00:20:07,021
not what I wish was there.
536
00:20:07,023 --> 00:20:13,027
And what I see
is an incredible man
537
00:20:13,029 --> 00:20:15,663
whose entire life
fits into a taxi.
538
00:20:18,166 --> 00:20:19,834
And I've got to let him go.
539
00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:27,641
I love you.
540
00:20:27,643 --> 00:20:31,612
I know you never actually got
a chance to say it.
541
00:20:31,614 --> 00:20:33,514
I love you, Fiona.
542
00:20:36,685 --> 00:20:39,687
[Poignant music]
543
00:20:39,689 --> 00:20:47,761
544
00:20:57,873 --> 00:20:59,573
[sobs]
545
00:21:01,243 --> 00:21:04,011
Well, you were right.
546
00:21:07,115 --> 00:21:08,182
[Sniffles]
Don't worry.
547
00:21:08,184 --> 00:21:10,084
I won't come crying to you.
548
00:21:14,556 --> 00:21:15,556
(Will)
Come here.
549
00:21:15,558 --> 00:21:18,025
[Sniffling]
550
00:21:18,027 --> 00:21:25,533
551
00:21:25,835 --> 00:21:27,835
[dog barks]
552
00:21:27,859 --> 00:21:31,859
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
553
00:21:31,909 --> 00:21:36,459
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39399
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