Original subtitles

(organ playing upbeat tune)

(dog barking)

(dog barking)

SIMON: This is our house...

only it's not our house

because it belongs to the church.

My dad is a Protestant minister.

Because my dad and mom moved here

shortly after they were married

with my dad's first big assignment,

we all grew up here.

Or we're growing up here...

in this house that really isn't ours.

Most of the time, that doesn't bother me, but...

you know, sometimes it does.

Maybe someday I'll become rich enough

to buy it from the church, so we can keep it in the family.

It's not impossible.

I've always been known as the Bank of Simon.

I'm good with money.

When I was ten, I begged my dad for a dog.

And when that didn't work, I went to a higher authority.

I was certain that a dog would just appear out of the ether,

but... (chuckles) Dad wasn't so sure.

"Simon, if by some great cosmic coincidence,

"a dog happens to come to you here at the house, fine,

"but you don't go out looking for a dog,

and you don't trick one into coming into the yard."

Fortunately, in addition to delivering

many heartfelt prayers, I also begged my mom for a dog,

and she stopped by the pound and rescued one--

this one, Happy.

So, I believed my prayers were answered.

Dad let me keep her,

even though we found out she was having puppies.

(barking)

The curly-haired one is Ruthie.

She's my youngest sister.

We shared a room at one time

for a long time,

and that's probably why I still feel closest to her.

We've been through a lot together--

that and the fact that she's saner

than my two older sisters.

Lucy is 21.

She's been married about six months to Kevin.

He's a cop.

Lucy wants to follow

in my father's footsteps and become a minister.

And evidently, Mary has decided

to follow in my mother's footsteps

because she's 22 and she's gonna have a baby

with her husband, Carlos.

They got married the week after Lucy and Kevin...

only, no one knew.

They just told us when they found out they were pregnant.

This is my older brother, Matt.

He's 24 now.

Second year of medical school.

He's married, too, to Sarah.

She's also 24 and in her second year of medical school.

They've all married young,

but what are we supposed to do?

It's get married and have sex

or don't get married and don't have sex.

And of course, we've all wrestled with the other choices.

Although she better not be wrestling

with anyone anytime soon,

especially him.

He better not even think about coming anywhere near her.

Oh, that's... that's Peter, Ruthie's boyfriend.

And these two are Sam and David, my youngest brothers.

They're four.

They're twins.

Right, four-year-old twins.

Matt's 24.

Uh, here's the family.

Mary's 22.

Lucy's 21.

I'm 17.

Ruthie's 13.

And then Sam and David are four.

We were all surprised

when Mom and Dad decided to have more children...

and happy.

We were happy--

happy and surprised.

But... we shouldn't have been.

My mom and dad have always been hot for each other.

I can't think of a better way to describe them.

I think they're the reason Matt, Mary and Lucy got married.

They want that.

We all want that.

It's like... being in seventh heaven

permanently.

* 7th Heaven *

* When I see their happy faces *

* Smiling back at me

* 7th Heaven *

* I know there's no greater feeling *

* Than the love of family

* Where can you go

* When the world don't treat you right? *

* The answer is home

* That's the one place that you'll find *

* 7th Heaven *

* Mmm, 7th Heaven *

* 7th Heaven. *

SIMON: It takes a lot of work to get that kind

of relationship and keep it going,

and no one's tried harder than Lucy.

She got off to a bad start.

Jimmy Moon, Lucy's first true love.

True loser.

I thought she'd never get rid of him.

But, as her luck would have it, he got rid of her.

All because she went blonde.

And I take full credit.

I thought it was a good idea.

Jimmy didn't.

Jimmy Moon was busted for pot.

He served time as a high school narc,

and then just when we thought he'd gone straight,

Lucy ran into him when she was on jury duty.

He was the defendant.

And that's the short story.

From Jimmy, Lucy moved on to Rod.

Then back to Jimmy.

Then Jimmy and Rod.

Eventually, someone had to make a decision.

They became the best of friends, Jimmy and Rod.

Lucy was left out in the cold, but not for long.

She bounced around between Charlie and Bryan

and a Frenchman named Guy.

Then she met Kenny.

She thought he was too good to be true.

Then Stevie...

followed by Joe.

He and Lucy took on Mary and her boyfriend

in a make-out competition.

Briefly after that was Tyler, and that brings us to...

Andrew Nayloss.

It was another on-again, off-again relationship

that ended when Andrew's dad sent him to Europe one summer

to get him away from Lucy.

He returned to announce,

"I did a really stupid thing.

"I... I met a girl.

"We got pregnant, and I'm going back to France to live."

Lucy bounced back eventually,

hooking up with Mike Pierce, a guy who had tried

to commit suicide, reconsidered the selfishness of it all

and put his heart into living again.

A winner, her first real winner.

Unfortunately, they had no chemistry.

Mike introduced her to Jeremy.

They had chemistry.

Lucy asked him to marry her.

He said yes.

She moved in with him and his family in New York

so they could start college and their life together.

She broke it off when she found out

his pothead musician parents thought she was no fun.

The next time out, Lucy waited for the proposal.

And waited... and waited.

But when he finally asked her to marry him,

Kevin did it right.

And she said yes.

She was on her way to this.

This is Mary.

Her first kiss was with Matt's friend, Jeff.

Her first love, however, was Wilson West.

17, widower, teen father--

not the kind of guy who deserved

an on-again, off-again relationship,

but there's just something about Mary.

After Wilson was a Jim and a Brad

and a Jay and a George,

but the next real love for Mary was...

Robbie Palmer.

They met while performing community service.

Mary loved him.

My parents hated him.

Then Mary hated him, and my parents loved him.

Then Mary loved him.

Then hated him.

Then my parents, still in love with him,

took him in because he was homeless

and probably because Mary had moved a safe distance

of 3,000 miles away to grow up with my grandparents

in Buffalo, New York.

They got her.

We got him.

Robbie became like a brother to us

and another son to Mom and Dad, but eventually,

he moved to Florida to be a brother

to his real brothers and a son to his real mother.

But he's probably stayed away from his no-good dad

At least, we hope so.

But back to Mary.

Meanwhile, in Buffalo, Mary got back with Wilson,

but threw it all away for a new guy:

Ben.

Then changed her mind and went back to Wilson,

but changed her mind again and went back to Ben.

Ben is Kevin's brother,

but Lucy met Kevin after Mary had dumped Ben again.

She was confused.

They were confused.

We were all confused.

And then we met...

Jack, a man my father's age.

Then we were shocked... and amused

and appalled,

but just when we thought she'd end up with this old man,

she threw us a curve and got married... to Carlos,

and as I mentioned, they're gonna have a baby,

and as I didn't mention,

this all happened months after they were married,

not months before they were married,

although I'm sure that's the rumor at church.

Sidebar: the story of Mary and Lucy would be incomplete

if I didn't mention the loves they've shared.

Jordan Johansen.

Jordan, aka Big Lips.

Lucy caught him; Mary stole him,

but threw him back to Lucy, who eventually dumped him.

Candidate #2, if we skip the fight

over the French foreign student.

Mary broke up with Robbie.

Lucy broke up with Jeremy, and somehow,

Lucy and Robbie found themselves making out,

which wasn't too surprising

because Lucy is the queen of making out.

Before Robbie, she had made out with his brother.

And before that brother, she made out

with another one of his brothers.

That's right.

Lucy made out with all three Palmer brothers.

But Lucy and Mary briefly shared only the one.

Hopefully, Florida will be better to him than Glenoak.

But let's move on to my older brother, Matt.

I told you about Mary and Lucy first

because I know more about their relationships than his.

I know he loved Heather.

I thought he'd marry her.

He almost did...

a couple of times, but who knows?

Maybe he loved them all.

Matt dated a lot of women.

I don't remember all their names,

but I found pictures of a couple of them.

Here's Dr. Laroe...

his English lit teacher.

He thought she was sending him signals,

so he tried to kiss her.

This is Jenny.

Matt met her one Christmas

when he was working as a mall Santa Claus.

But here's an interesting woman, Sheryl.

We first heard about her when Mary found out Robbie

was seeing her the same time he was seeing Mary.

Then she came back into our lives when she and Robbie

thought they were pregnant and wanted to get married.

They weren't, and they didn't.

And then somehow Matt hooked up with her.

Now, I find it hard to believe they never... you know.

Look at her. She's gorgeous.

Of all the girls he loved before,

no one compares to Sarah Glass,

now Sarah Camden,

the rabbi's daughter and my brother's wife.

He asked her to marry him on the first date.

Love at first sight.

But can they achieve this?

Who knows?

Can any of them?

He has family money,

and yet, they're living in an apartment over the garage.

Why?

Does he love us, the family, more than her?

And do they love each other enough to start a family

six months after bumping into each other in New York?

Let's ask the expert. (phone rings)

Ruthie says whether or not they make it isn't the question.

The question is whether or not they'll enjoy the journey

and learn from it.

She's only 13, but I think she's already found it.

Peter Petrowski.

I know I don't want him anywhere near her,

but I do think she's made a good choice,

a winner first time out of the gate.

Ruthie is smarter than any of us, smarter than me anyway.

Deena, Carole, and Sue; Sally, Maria...

and others, like Marsha and Sasha.

That's the brief and tumultuous journey that's brought me here.

Cecilia.

I'm in love with Cecilia, but I'm not ready to be in love.

I'm only 17; I'm ready to see the world...

at least a world that doesn't have me following

in Matt's and Mary's and Lucy's footsteps to the altar.

Because before I get what they have,

I want to know who I am.

I don't know if I've ever had a normal friend.

Now that I think of it,

none of us have ever had a normal friend.

As Ruthie says, "Believe me,

"almost every friend we've ever had in this house

has something wrong with them."

We might as well look at Matt's friends first,

since he's the oldest. (siren wailing)

Mrs. Bink.

Matt helped her run errands.

She helped him quit smoking.

He also helped her with a doctor that was giving her a hard time.

Renee was pregnant.

Everyone was relieved

to find out Matt wasn't the father.

He was just trying to help her, and help her he did.

He may not have been there for the conception,

but he was there a thousand percent for the delivery.

Maybe this is where his interest in gynecology and obstetrics

actually began.

Steve was a ten-year-old with a terminal diagnosis,

who wanted to get out of the hospital and play baseball.

Matt smuggled him out and made his dreams come true.

Emma Hooten worked at the hardware store

and was wearing my mom's wedding ring

that was stolen at a robbery.

Matt tried to tell George to dump out his beer

at Matt's party, but he wouldn't listen.

Leonard, the editor of the school paper,

tried to use Matt to increase circulation.

Matt showed up just in time to save Kevin,

who had sucked down so much booze he almost died.

Mason was going to marry Heather

until Matt found out he was cheating on her.

Teresa stole Matt's car.

She was another pregnant woman on the run

who Matt had stopped to help. (tires screeching)

James was the son of the richest guy in Glenoak.

Matt agreed to tutor him,

but James wanted more help than that.

He cheated off Matt's test.

They both got busted and James finally confessed.

Cheryl was traumatized by her mother's boyfriend,

who always called her a dumb blonde.

Matt was working at the clinic

when Gina Miller came in with chronic stomach pain

and could have died if Matt didn't help her.

(basketball bouncing)

Mary, who has often needed help herself,

has also found time to help others.

Denise was being teased at school for the way she dressed.

Mary played basketball with Diane and was there

to dial 911 when Diane almost overdosed on ephedrine.

Coach Koper was Mary's basketball coach,

a very bad man.

Cory was another girl on the basketball team.

She had her all-sports award yanked when people found out

she was the unwed mother of a five-year-old.

Mary handed over the award and got Cory a lot of respect.

Molly.

Mary coached her team

of developmentally challenged basketball players.

It was Mary who got Dad to help Lisa.

She was abused by her mother's boyfriend.

Jill and Barb were trying to get Lucy to drink with them...

until Mary showed up.

She met Frankie and Johnny at Pete's Pizza.

They were beyond Mary's help.

After getting Mary to drink and drive,

they brought her into their troubled married life,

which included a baby and a lot of pot,

but Mary tried to help them.

(phone rings)

Let's move on to Lucy, who has the longest list.

This is our neighbor Mike.

Lucy befriended him when no one else would.

That was a fun Halloween.

Lucy helped Mike win the pumpkin-carving contest,

although she did steal a couple of pumpkins from him first.

She got dad to help Suzanne.

She and her mother were victims of a guy

who refused to pay child support.

Her friend Shelby was embarrassed

about where she lived.

Her mom's welfare was cut off.

Lucy got help for her friend Laurie,

who was verbally abused by her mother,

who was verbally abused by her mother.

How hard is it to say "I love you" to your kid?

Lucy got them help, too.

When Rod's mom died

and he couldn't face his father,

Lucy helped him get through it

while she hid him in her closet.

Nicole, a cutter,

abused herself by cutting her legs and arms.

It's a self-abuse problem I'd never heard of.

Lucy helped Ashley, a girl at school.

Her mother wanted to be her best friend,

robbing Ashley of having a real mother and a childhood.

Mike Pierce asked Lucy to set him up with Elaina Casey,

who had acne and thought Lucy was playing a prank on her.

When the garage apartment needed finishing,

Lucy brought home Ray, the out-of-work carpenter.

He staged a fall and tried to sue us.

Paul.

Lucy helped him talk his family

into allowing him to pursue his dreams

of performing with The Famous People Players.

Christine-- ex-hooker, houseguest, heart of gold.

Who wouldn't help her?

(horse galloping, neighing)

Ah, now we're getting to Ruthie's friends.

This is Eisenhower.

He needed a mate.

This is where Ruthie's friend Ben lived.

His parents invested everything into Y2K.

Remember that scare?

Ruthie had a great idea for her class story contest

until her friend Chrissy tried to steal it.

Her teacher Miss Riddle called Ruthie stupid.

She had some anger issues to resolve.

Ruthie switched schools and met Julia,

whose mother lost her job and couldn't afford groceries.

Yasmine-- a moderate Muslim

just trying to get to school and back without getting harassed.

Ruthie met Caitlin at the stables.

She's a competitive steeplechase jockey

who faces the challenge of living with cystic fibrosis.

Actually, she probably helped Ruthie

more than Ruthie helped her.

(horse galloping, neighing)

(buzzing)

MAN: Quiet on the set.

SIMON: I have friends of my own, of course.

I once stood up for Nigel when some jerk on the playground

called him the "N" word.

Another time at school, a bully named Mark was teasing me.

When he ripped his pants, I lent him my jacket to cover up

so the other kids would stop making fun of him.

My friend Stan was having trouble sleeping.

His sister Karen had joined a gang and couldn't get out.

Larry's dad had told him that the Holocaust was a hoax.

I found a little girl named Sarah

on the street near our house.

(Happy barking) Her alcoholic dad

had left her there.

Marie and Joan approached me at school,

wanting me to go to their party.

They actually just wanted me to bring Lucy.

It wasn't long after I started high school

that suddenly it seemed like everybody was on drugs.

I signed up to help out with the audio-visual club

and found out that every one of them was huffing paint.

My friend Lee had a drug problem, too.

His dad just couldn't quit smoking pot.

Bobby suffers from Tourette's

and was being tortured at school.

Nick was mentally unstable and carried a gun.

Luckily, the authorities seized it before he used it.

We weren't quite as lucky with Deena's ex-boyfriend Johnny,

who shot my dad.

(gunshot)

It's no surprise I couldn't find a picture of my friend Luke.

He was like the invisible man.

Nobody believed any of the funny stories I told about Luke

or that he even existed... until they met him.

Later that year, I helped Sasha end a bad relationship

with a guy named Larry.

There was also Claire.

She had a problem I still can't talk about,

let alone show you her picture.

I don't know where we find these people.

Oh, no, no, wait.

I do know.

They find us, and many more find him.

(church bell ringing)

(organ playing)

Whose favorite saying is:

"Forget trying to help people and just try to be harmless."

Here are a few people he was harmless to.

Reverend Morgan Hamilton's church was burned down

and my dad insisted his entire family

come stay with us and that they were welcome

at our church.

Steve and Susan needed more than counseling.

Steve had never divorced his first wife.

Terry was a drug addict

that stumbled upon our doorstep for help.

Abbey Morris had been abused

by her husband for years and was too afraid to leave him.

Dad helped her get away from him and get help.

There was also Steve Cunningham,

who was out of work and living in a van with his family.

Aunt Julie was an alcoholic.

Dad helped her to admit to it and get treatment.

This young minister suffered

from epilepsy.

Dad helped him get back to his job at the church,

then helped Mrs. Hinkle get out of her job

at the church when she wanted to retire as church organist.

Dad later helped her get her house back.

He got Pam Sander's ex-husband Bill to pay child support.

He counseled Bob and Ellen Jackson when they were divorcing

and had forgotten about their daughter Tia.

Dad went with Nora Chambers to confront

her husband's murderer so she could move on with her life.

Will Grayson had just come out of witness protection

and needed to reconnect with his son.

Ron Kramer was an ex-con.

He couldn't get work.

Lou Dalton needed to find

an affordable care for his autistic son Lewis.

A lot of women must be attracted to men of the cloth.

Over the years there were several that came after my dad,

including recently divorced Nancy

and also Serena, who just needed counseling;

my teacher Mr. Lane

was going to lose his job

for protecting a student from his abusive father.

They always call in my dad when something happens in Glenoak.

Peter McKinley was going to jump off a roof

over the cheap jeans his mother bought for him.

Jack Brenner, the President of Crawford University,

created a scandal when he cheated on his wife

with a graduate student.

Dad got George into anger management classes.

He had been slapped around his whole life by his mother

and was starting to get abusive himself.

He made a trip down to the IRS when he met Clarence.

Clarence and his mom had been stuck

with her ex-husband's tax debt.

Elizabeth Brown lost her son Alan

and couldn't recover from her loss.

Everyone thought school janitor Rudy Steineger was crazy

when he said he was talking to God.

Dad helped his fellow jurors

on trial overcome their prejudices and rule fairly.

He does a lot of relationship counseling.

He helped Jessica and Ryan.

He was a control freak

and wouldn't let her do anything on her own.

And Ted, who had a drinking problem

that was leading to divorce and nearly killed Lucy and Mary.

Dad helped the Carberrys,

who couldn't see their dog through to the end.

James Carver had lost his wife

and thought he had a crush on my mom.

Bird needed help forgiving her dead father

for verbally abusing her.

Sachiko was a Japanese-American

who had been in an internment camp.

Someone once wrote anonymously to my dad at church.

All this kid wanted was a prayer to end violence

and to comfort all those

whose lives had been affected by violence.

Dad also visits a lot of sick people at the hospital.

(siren wailing)

That's where he met Harold,

who needed the courage to live

despite the fact he had a terminal diagnosis.

Tim came to see him at his office.

He was missing an arm, literally.

Ramon Reyes' son had been kidnapped

by a jealous ex-girlfriend.

Yasmine's father Mr. Halawi

was sick and needed help

to get his printing shop up and running again.

Dad was there when Kevin and Dr. Gibson confronted

Paris Petrowski's boyfriend

about his abusive past.

My dad learned a lesson about himself

while helping the Tallridges.

They wouldn't let their grown son, Jerry, live his own life.

This guy pretended to be Andrew Hampton,

who was dying from lung cancer and hiding out,

refusing to make peace with his son, Chandler.

And the list goes on and on

forever and ever for all eternity.

My dad just can't help helping people,

and now that I think of it,

my mother's right in there with him.

(laughter)

Mom.

She helped Richard.

He was almost out of high school,

and couldn't read until she hooked him up

with a friend of hers.

Lou and the church vestry were going through a rocky time

when Mom stepped in to help them through it.

After Judy Calloway's husband committed suicide,

Mom helped comfort her

and got her to come to church again.

She helped her friend, Rachel Grewe,

who was struggling with a recent divorce.

Mrs. Beeker just seemed like a nosy neighbor.

Mom figured out she was really just lonely and wanted

to help out, so we let her.

There was the young married's counseling group

she did at the church.

Millard was a homeless veteran

that Mom came across outside the supermarket.

Mom introduced Donovan to the twins

when he became angry

that his parents were having another baby.

Robin was an obnoxious

motivational speaker that Mom dated in high school.

(doorbell ringing)

People came over to our house for Mom's help, too.

There was Cassandra and Barbara from birthing class, and Rita,

who had no idea how to talk to her daughter about sex.

My mom was a teacher at Ruthie's school for a while, too.

That's where she met Christy, the student whose parents

just couldn't quit arguing.

But more than any of these people,

my parents have helped all of us

when we've been in trouble along the way.

And we've been in trouble.

Lots and lots of trouble.

As PKs, we've hit a few bumps,

and run into some brick walls along the way.

We've all made our share of mistakes.

Even the twins.

They helped themselves to everyone's money

so they could make a contribution

to fixing the church roof.

And they once stole this guy's hat,

but they're just four.

Let's go to the oldest.

The first time I can remember

Matt getting into a lot of trouble,

not counting his brief stint as a smoker,

was when he wrecked the church's Meals on Wheels van,

which he had borrowed for some hot date,

who spilled beer all over him

while he backed into a police car.

When my dad caught him sneaking in at 5:00 a.m.,

saying he just fell asleep at a girl's house,

he got grounded for three weeks.

He once forged Dad's signature

on one of Mary's detention slips.

(loud crowd chatter)

Everyone has to have a party

when their parents are out of town.

Matt and Mary took on that tradition with a vengeance.

Unfortunately, Happy escaped the premises

and got sideswiped by a car.

(car brakes screeching)

But fortunately recovered.

When Michael Towner ran over Mary with his car,

Matt punched his lights out.

Another time Matt and Mary took a joyride,

and ended up with a flat tire,

a speeding ticket and a very long lecture.

My dad once found a joint in the house.

Actually, he-he didn't find it.

(barking) Happy brought it to him.

And Dad thought it was Matt's, and it was.

A friend had given it to him.

It seems like it shouldn't have been such a big deal

since it obviously hadn't been smoked, but you know parents.

He once ran away to Philadelphia chasing Heather,

only to end up meeting her new boyfriend when he got there.

Matt had trouble keeping jobs.

He got fired from his delivery job at the Dairy Shack

after Happy ate the customers' orders.

When he was pre-med, he almost failed organic chemistry

because he wouldn't admit that he needed help.

But all this stuff is pretty minor.

Matt set the bar pretty high.

He didn't smoke. He didn't drink.

But if you ask me,

he was keeping his sex life quiet for a reason,

because, hey, I don't have any photos, so why bring it up?

I don't know why I didn't start with her.

Mary's been in far more trouble

than the rest of us ever dreamed about.

There was the time she and Camille,

a friend from detention,

went to a frat party.

It turned out to be just

the two of them and two older guys.

I think that was just before Mary slipped out of the house

to go to a co-ed sleep-over that Matt busted her for.

She stole a glass from the Varsity

that landed Matt in court.

She vandalized the school gym

with her teammates and got arrested.

Had to do community service with Robbie Palmer, remember?

She got a job at the pool hall, decided

she could buy a sports car, bought one, and then

got fired from the pool hall. (glass breaking)

Then she went to work at Pete's Pizza,

where she met Frankie and Johnny, had a beer,

and then got pulled over, but left off with a warning

because the cop recognized her.

She may or may not have tried marijuana.

But she's definitely taken money from all of us. (coin clinking)

Can you believe we all helped her

rob the twin's piggy banks?

She also lied.

And cheated, and yet,

you can't help but love her.

Lucy's troubles can mostly be attributed to the fact

that she's extremely emotional.

She just can't help

letting her emotions get the best of her.

(blows landing) There was the cat fight she had with Mary

at Mom and Dad's second wedding.

And the time she fought Mary over Robbie.

After seeing Gone With the Wind,

Lucy thought it would be romantic to slap Jordan.

Her teacher didn't think so.

Mary once gave Lucy a black eye.

But it was an accident.

At least, well, that's what Mary says.

If Lucy ever gave anyone a black eye,

it would probably be Roxanne.

Although supposedly, they're all friends now.

Whatever.

Let's go on to Ruthie.

When she was six,

the two of us decided to play private investigator,

and tailed the postman, Mr. Jeffries.

We got lost.

And Sergeant Michaels ended up bringing us home. (barking)

Then there was the time we found $50,

and used it to buy black market ferrets

from some guy outside a pet shop.

I once hid in my room to avoid a doctor visit,

claiming that I was locked in.

(touch tones beeping) Ruthie called 911,

and two nice police officers showed up.

Then there was the time

Happy got a credit card in the mail,

and we used it to make catalogue purchases ourselves.

And the time she tied me to the banisters. (Ruthie giggling)

Then put her head through a couple of railings

and got stuck there.

Yeah, I know. My name has often been linked

with her bad behavior, but sometimes,

she's done things all on her own.

Like the time a camera crew showed up

to tape one of my dad's church services,

and Ruthie jammed a mint up her nose

(siren blaring) in the middle of the sermon,

and had to be rushed to the hospital.

Ruthie once pulled a boy's hair, and got sent home from school

because she wanted to go to the beach with my mom.

She also got grounded

for giving another friend a haircut at school.

Or the time she conned Matt

into letting her buy makeup she wasn't supposed to have.

Or the time she surprised her boyfriend, and Mom,

with how sexy she could look... at 12.

Mom was pretty upset

when Sam and David started calling Ruthie Mama.

Mama.

It was only because she had been bribing them with cookies.

To make my dad feeling needed, Ruthie lied

and said her friend, Alice Brand was being abused by her parents.

My mom once put Ruthie on restriction

after she walked in on her slow dancing

with Jake Davis in our living room.

Or the time she and Peter volunteered to watch Carson,

the rescue dog, but lost him.

She's been in plenty of trouble on her own.

But then again, so have I.

I took up golf, and drove a ball

right through Lou Dalton's windshield.

(glass breaking)

(more glass breaking)

But it took a second window before I learned my lesson.

I got caught giving the finger to some kid at school.

I got caught toilet-papering a house.

A word of advice.

Never commit a crime with an accomplice who can't run.

Jim and I decided we needed to do something manly,

so we decided to get our ears pierced.

Nigel and I did a school project on teen smoking

that got out of control when we decided to light up.

I once told Ruthie, the squeaky wheel gets the grease,

so she started blowing math tests

to get more attention from Mom.

I got caught shoplifting and sneaking into the movies,

but I really didn't mean to, I swear.

It was Luke's idea to go out with the Murphy twins.

Sometimes I've simply made bad decisions,

as to who I should hang out with.

Or who I should drive with. (siren blaring, helicopter whirring)

Grandpa got me involved in a low-speed car chase.

But I take full responsibility

for the night I talked Morris into taking me to a party.

I thought the punch tasted funny,

but I just kept drinking it.

It went down a lot easier than it came back up.

It was my last drink forever.

I got busted for running a high school escort service.

Honestly, I learned my lesson with that.

(Happy growling)

I can't blame all our troubles on being preacher's kids,

but come on.

Does it sound as if we've all had normal friends,

or even halfway normal lives?

Being a PK is not a role I chose.

It's the one that was given to me, and frankly,

there are a lot of times I'd like to give it back.

Like now, for instance.

I just want to be a regular guy.

Out there trying to find myself, and making my own mistakes,

that have much more to do with the fact that I'm 17

than I'm a preacher's kid.

I just want to escape the shadow of everyone else's expectations,

and start living up to my own.

I may not know who I am yet.

I think I know my strengths and my weaknesses.

I've had a lot of experience with badly-behaving children.

And I'm also very good with money. (baby laughing)

Experienced with badly-behaving children, and good with money.

So where would the logical place for me be?

I want a be a producer,

a film producer, or even a television producer.

Maybe I could even be like this guy someday.

I assume you're familiar with his record.

But don't get me wrong.

I'm willing to work at it.

I want to learn everything I can

about acting and-and writing and-and producing.

And I want to learn it all

at California School of the Arts.

Although my hometown of Glenoak has some top-notch schools,

chances are slim

that Crawford University will start hosting a film festival

at any time in the near future.

I need to get into CSA.

And I can't wait until next semester or next fall.

I need immediate admittance.

I have a high grade average.

My SAT scores are in the top ten percent.

And although I haven't graduated from high school,

my CHPE test scores should be in your hands

within a few weeks.

I'm hoping that you'll accept me on a conditional basis

until I've proven myself.

My future is in your hands.

ROBERT EVANS: Is that it, kid?

That's all you've got to say?

You ought to put a little more effort into it.

You ought to give them the reason

you need to get into college so quickly.

Come on, dig in a little more.

Dig in deeper.

I mean, this is all very interesting

as a family history, but where are you?

You want to make a good picture?

You got to put your heart and your soul into it.

This picture isn't done yet, kid.

I killed someone.

Not someone, his, his name is Paul.

And he was only 13 years old.

I had a lot to deal with.

But now I have this.

I can't deal with it in the spotlight.

I just can't.

I don't want you to think

that I'm running away from my problems.

I swear to you, I'm not.

I'd just rather work through this in a new environment

where people don't know me.

Paul's older brother, Justin,

is in my class at school.

His parents asked my parents

to have me transferred to another school,

just in case Justin decides to do something stupid,

like come after me.

Truthfully, sometimes I wish he would.

Sometimes, I wish he'd even kill me,

just because I feel so guilty about living.

Now, I would never do that.

I would never kill myself.

I'm not the type of guy that would, that would kill himself.

I'm, I'm just saying I feel guilty about living,

so don't anyone panic.

It's just that even with all the help from my parents

and counseling and the therapy...

I'm in a lot of pain.

And I'm having a hard time living my life

as if this accident never happened.

It was an accident.

A car accident.

I was supposed to meet my family at the pool hall for pizza.

I was on my way to pick up Cecilia.

The music was on; the window was down...

I don't know, I thought I was paying attention.

I wasn't going over the speed limit

or doing anything dangerous.

But it still happened.

He came out of nowhere.

I slammed on my brakes, but...

It's all a blur.

I can't get the sounds out of my head.

I get sick just at the sight of a kid on a bicycle.

My heart starts beating; my, my palms start sweating.

I try to avoid streets near parks and schools, but...

I mean, I... I'll learn how to live with this.

I don't know how, but it'll happen.

Slowly, over time.

At least that's what people are telling me,

and I'm, I'm choosing to trust them.

Because I don't want to stay in a community

where my dad is the preacher

and I'm the preacher's son.

If I'm going to get better slowly over time,

I'd rather it be somewhere far,

away from here.

Of course, I'm going to miss my family.

He's only been in New York a little over a year,

but I still miss him.

Matt's about the best big brother anyone can have.

He was always there for me,

and he's still there for me,

even though he's away in medical school.

I still call him on the phone.

No matter how busy he is or how tired he is,

he still calls me back.

We had an interesting discussion

about the nature of accidents.

Matt's theory is that God looks after us

through our own consciousness.

In those moments when we're not

watching ourselves going through life,

random acts occur, accidents occur.

There's no reason for them, they're just there.

A single, unwatched moment of life.

And we're not capable of watching ourselves

every moment, so accidents happen.

It's a good theory.

It's the first thing that anyone's said to me after

the accident that made any sense or allowed me

a moment of not feeling horrible.

She left only shortly before Matt did.

But Mary's still there for me, too.

We haven't had a serious moment since we all

banded together and had her kicked out of the house.

It's hard to have a serious moment with her.

She's so wonderfully...

Oh, what's the word?

I'll go with "carefree."

She doesn't have a care in the world

even though she can't keep a job to save her life.

And she's broken a million hearts,

and she's married a guy

that she hardly knows.

And now she's having a baby.

She's about the happiest person I know.

And you know why?

She trusts life in every moment of every day.

Her theory is that if you fall off the edge of the Earth,

just keep falling.

And eventually, the universe will embrace you,

and lift you up again.

I understand why she thinks that.

That's been her experience.

I couldn't get Lucy out of my life if I wanted to.

She loves me.

She'll be the sister who writes me at school, sends me

brownies and tells me everything that's going on in the house.

Even the stuff that I don't want to know.

Lucy really does care about me and everyone

in our family.

And she would do anything for us,

as well as anything for anyone in need.

Despite the fact that her head doesn't always seem to be

screwed on tight and she's often completely irrational.

Her craziness is really all about her passion

for life and the people in her life.

While at first glance, she may seem like

just an ordinary person,

she extraordinarily touching and funny.

She was the first one to say out loud

that she was angry with Paul.

And that allowed me to be angry.

And the way Lucy explained it, sometimes anger just gets

your mood up so you can move on.

She helped me take me take my first little step.

I love these guys.

And because they're too young to realize what happened

this summer and the impact it's had on my life,

I've relied on them as an escape

from my circumstances and depression.

They're a constant reminder that life goes on.

And we have to do our best, because those we love

are coming along in this world,

and in this house behind us.

I can't tell you the number of times I've felt overwhelmed

by sadness or anger this past summer,

only to have the two of them do something silly,

or say something funny and bring me back to the reality

of how lucky I am to be alive and be in this family.

I'd feel bad about missing the opportunity

to help look after them over the next few years.

But I know I'm leaving them with someone

who's going to protect them, and teach them,

and share the miseries and joy of being a PK.

She's going to be the hardest to leave, and the hardest

to hang on to, because she's Ruthie and she's 13,

and she's got a boyfriend.

And while she understands that I want to leave

the rest of the family,

she doesn't understand how I could leave her.

But I don't think she'll hold it against me.

She won't have the time to hold it against me.

She's emerging from childhood to adulthood,

full speed ahead with thoughtful intelligence,

a great sense of humor and a high self-esteem.

I'd like to think that I had something to do

with how great she's turned out so far,

and I hope to remain a positive influence in her life.

But here's the thing: I know she feels my pain.

We're that close.

And as hard as it is,

I really do think it's best

to put a little distance between us right now.

Because I would never forgive myself

if I put any rain on Ruthie's parade.

And truthfully,

I know she'll be just fine without me.

And that brings me to them.

My parents, my mom and dad.

They both think I'm too young to go away to school.

Yet, in their heart of hearts,

they know I'm ready.

As the saying goes,

"They raised me right."

They're not sending a boy into the world,

they're sending a man.

This might be happening a year earlier

than they planned, but I grew up this summer.

I had to.

And I'm man enough to work through the tragedy

of an accident that took that life of a boy

who was reckless with his life.

You see, Paul was only 13,

but he was already into drugs.

And he was high that night he came

speeding down the hill on his bicycle,

the wind in his hair and without a helmet on his head.

His older brother, Justin, wanted to blame me.

Now, he's having to wrestle his own demons

because Justin smokes pot.

The parents want to blame themselves.

They think that they did something wrong.

That they didn't try hard enough.

That they didn't parent well enough.

And I want to blame myself.

Because, after all, I was the one driving the car.

But all that blaming isn't going to change anything.

It isn't going to help anything.

He may have been only 13,

but Paul was responsible for getting high.

Sure, his brother may have set a bad example,

maybe even gave him the pot.

But he didn't make him smoke.

He didn't make him ride his bike.

And he didn't tell him not to wear a helmet.

The parents made their best efforts with Paul.

I really believe that.

Because now they're making their best efforts with Justin.

And they're doing that

by asking me not to be at school with him.

I'm ready to go,

because my mom and dad prepared me from day one of my life.

They taught me all the basics:

be polite, be considerate,

treat others as you would want to be treated,

love one another.

More specifically, say "please" and "thank you."

Say "good morning" and "good night."

Tell people you love that you love them.

If you don't have anything nice to say,

say nothing at all.

Take a shower every day.

Clean up after yourself.

Wash your face and hands before dinner.

Be on time.

Eat your vegetables.

Wear your helmet.

Don't do drugs.

Don't drink and drive.

And then, there are the more esoteric teachings, like:

everyone is doing the best they can

for who they are at the time.

My parents have always been there for me,

through all the rough times.

Through all my mistakes.

Every time I missed the mark,

they have been relentless in their insistence

that I must always try to do the right thing,

and when I don't, apologize,

make amends and move on.

They taught me about the love of a family.

And maybe even more importantly,

they taught me about respect.

They have taught us all to respect them,

to respect each other,

to respect other people and to respect life itself.

Their goodness and their faith and their kindness

comes from their beliefs.

And while I struggle to resist being who they are

and question what they believe,

I am the son of a preacher man.

And when I leave this house, I will have the strength

and the courage to do the right thing

no matter what the circumstances are,

or the challenges I'm faced with.

Because this is the family I come from.

And these are the two people who brought me here.

And someday, I will have what they have.

Because as I promised my father in church,

I will finish high school.

I will finish college and get my degree.

I'll start my career.

I will marry someone I love and respect.

And we will raise our children to be responsible,

and to make a contribution to this world.

And I will do those things in that order.

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