Original subtitles

ERIC: Five minutes and counting.

Can you believe that in exactly four minutes and 40 seconds,

our five children will leave the house

and go to school for seven whole hours?

You call the church secretary?

I told her I'm taking the day off and there'd be no calling

or faxing or beeping.

And no last-minute emergencies?

Absolutely no last-minute emergencies

because today is dedicated to my wife for life.

Can you believe it? Ruthie at school for the whole day.

- That means we have the whole day. - Not to mention the whole house.

To ourselves. How we doing on time?

Three minutes and 30 seconds.

- Close enough, let's call them. - They should be early anyway.

- I mean, first day, it's important. - Makes an impression.

- Sets the tone for the whole year. - Mm-hm.

What's wrong, sweetheart?

Aside from the fact that I didn't sleep a wink last night

and that my stomach hurts so bad I think I'm going to throw up, nothing.

It's just the first-day jitters.

Jitters? I'm having a complete nervous breakdown and you're calling it jitters?

Did you know that it isn't actually physically possible

for nerves to break down?

Oh, that's helpful.

Okay...

Let's try this.

What frightens you the most about starting high school?

What do you mean what frightens me the most?

Opening my locker.

But I gave you my lucky lock, which got me through high school, and--

College and seminary.

So maybe the luck ran out. It's, like, ancient.

- I offered to get you a new one. - Why didn't you insist?

When you say ancient--?

Oh, what if I run into Jimmy Moon and Ashley?

Why do I have to be tortured? Why can't I just transfer to another school?

Then you'd be tortured by kids in a different zip code

and we can't have that, now, can we?

Oh.

MARY: Scared? - Just of the snakes.

- Snakes? - The ones in the toilets.

The janitors put them there to clean out the pipes.

But then they escape and live in the basement

and multiply until there's bazillions of them.

Did Simon tell you that?

Look, it's not true.

And don't let Simon or any of the other kids

or even the teacher try to say anything to make you scared.

Would you rather have the other kids thinking you're a scaredy-cat

or cool as a cucumber?

Cool as a cucumber?

That's right.

Go brush your cool teeth.

So how you doing?

I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?

I don't know, just thought it might be tough

not being on the team this year.

No big deal. I'll be back.

Oh! Uh-- Hey.

I'm fine, okay?

If you don't feel like showing that new kid, Marcus, around, I can do it.

Dad asked me to do it, it's not like I have a choice.

How you doing, kid?

Get out of my face.

You'll be okay.

SIMON: Oh, leftover chicken, perfect.

Protein.

So, Simon, looking forward to your first day of junior high?

Definitely.

You are so naive.

LUCY: Wait till you get a look at those eighth graders.

You're the low man on the totem pole now, pal, just like me.

Yes, but unlike you, I have a master plan.

And that would be?

Nigel and I. We're using the buddy system.

You know, it's kind of like when you go swimming.

A pal you'd like to take down when you're drowning.

I might point out that the pal is there to save you, not to go down with you.

No, he's right, it's school.

We're all going down.

Life's hell.

Heck, heck. Life's heck.

Uh...

Isn't that my jacket?

Dad, it's mine, but if you wanna borrow it again, I can go upstairs and--

No, no, it's okay, I had it yesterday.

I just thought that it...

But it's yours.

Oh, well, time to get going.

Don't look too upset.

Now get out there and make us proud.

- Love you. - Love you.

Love you.

Oh. Oh.

Are you sure you don't want Mommy to take you?

I'm a big girl, I can handle it.

[SIGHS]

[DOG BARKING]

[DOG WHIMPERS]

[PAPER RUSTLING]

- I'm just gonna grab a quick bath. - Oh.

Actually, I'm going to take a long bath.

A long luxurious bath, totally undisturbed.

Bye.

I'll be back.

And, uh...

I'll be right here, listening to the silent sounds of September.

Ohhh.

- Happy first day of school. - Hmm.

Happy first day of school.

[CHUCKLING]

- I hope the kids are okay. - Oh, I'm sure they're fine.

[ERIC SIGHS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

GIRL 1: I'm fine. BOY: Okay.

GIRL 2: Oh, yeah, I do better things than you.

GIRL 3: I got plenty.

How are we doing here, Ruth?

My name is Ruthie, Ruthie Camden.

Well, why don't we call you by your proper name, Ruth?

Ruthie is my proper name.

It's the name my mommy and daddy gave me.

And this is the hat they gave me.

Do you think your mommy and daddy know the rules we have about hats?

In particular, rule number seven.

It says that no gang clothing or insignia of any kind

may be worn or displayed on school premises.

My mommy and daddy know everything.

I'm sure they do.

But rule number seven means no hats worn backwards.

We have that rule because gang members

wear their hats backwards.

But this isn't a gang hat.

It's just a regular hat for regular people like me.

Put the hat away, please. Hmm?

Unless you'd like me to take it.

[SIGHS]

[CHILDREN CHATTERING]

She thinks I'm a gang member.

[BOTH GIGGLING]

Ruth.

Where were you? Where's your schedule?

I guess we got different homerooms.

We don't have one class together.

Well, we have lunch at the same time.

Move.

Look, we just gotta keep in mind that in junior high,

the jerks are bigger, but they're still just jerks.

Did you just call me a jerk?

Well, I said the word jerk,

but I was talking about a...

Well, a jerk, but...

You don't know him because you're not a jerk

so I couldn't have been talking about you, right?

Look, if you get to lunch first, you save me a seat.

- If I get there first, I'll save you a seat. - Right.

If we both survive till lunch.

[BELL RINGING]

[LOCKER DOOR CLOSES]

[RATTLING]

ASHLEY: Having trouble with that?

- Hey. - Hey.

What a curious coincidence that my new girlfriend

has the locker right next to my old.

ASHLEY: See you around, Luce.

Like what, ten times a day?

Come on.

Yeah, see you.

Are you feeling okay?

- Of course, why? - You look like you're gonna barf.

I assure you, I'm not gonna barf.

Must be a drag being at the peak of your basketball season

and then have an accident like that.

Your dad told my mom you were high-season scorer, right?

Yep.

Hey, Luce, how's it going?

You'd think that having Dad as a minister,

God wouldn't hate me so much.

You know, of course, you being sidelined

does give us a little quality time to get to know each other.

Hey, what's up with Lucy?

God hates her.

Still? I mean, I think after 13 years, he'd move on to someone else.

- Who was that? - My brother.

Oh, that's a relief.

I thought it might've been some kind of boyfriend, you know, past, present...

Future.

I have a boyfriend. He goes to another school.

Yeah, but those two-school relationships never work.

Trust me, B.T.D.T.

"Been there, done that"?

Uh-huh.

Look, I'm just trying to give you the benefit of my experience here.

A guy like me could rock your world.

Some other time. This is my class.

[CHUCKLES] Hey, mine too.

Let the rocking begin.

[BELL RINGING]

Lost or merely confused?

[STUDENTS CHUCKLING MILDLY]

Is this Ms. Peabody's English Lit class?

Mm-hm. Mrs. Peabody has decided

- to take an early retirement. - How come?

[ALL CHUCKLING]

Well, for your information, Mrs. Peabody met someone

while playing bridge on the deck of an Alaskan cruise ship.

She was married in August and she's not coming back.

So take a seat.

STUDENT: Whoa.

I'd just like for you all to just take a look to the person at your right.

Go ahead.

Now the person to your left.

Take a good look, because one of those two people

will not be sitting next to you wearing a cap and gown come June.

This class isn't gonna be a cakewalk for anyone, I can assure you.

That's the bad news.

The good news is you've been forewarned.

I am really looking forward to seeing just exactly which one of you

is going to step up to the plate throughout the course of the year.

Open your books to Page 7.

The essays of Francis Bacon.

STUDENT: Man, there's no way.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Is there a problem, gentlemen?

[IN UNISON] No, sir.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]

[SNORING]

[MOANS]

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY OVER TV]

Boy, you must have really been tired.

Yeah, well, it was an exhausting summer.

Maybe you'd be more comfortable upstairs?

[TURNS OFF TV, PHONE RINGING]

- Oh. - Heh. He...

Hello?

It's Sergeant Michaels.

And whatever it is, I'm going with you.

- We're spending the day together. - Okay.

Yeah?

Hey, Reverend. I've got a little situation here

I could use your help with.

Looks like we may have a jumper.

DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]: That's Maple,

south of Fife, 356 parking lot.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Hey, Luce, guess who's threatening to jump off the roof

of an apartment building.

Me?

I don't know, and I don't care.

I'm just looking out for you because you're Matt's sister,

and I thought it'd be cool if you, a freshman,

were the first to be in on something only the seniors know.

Who's threatening to jump off a building?

A kid in your class, Peter McKinley, is on the roof of his apartment building,

and the cops are swarming the place.

That's terrible.

I know, but you're one of the first to hear about it.

- Still can't open your lock? - No, I got it.

It's just that I got a lot of books.

- You know Peter McKinley? - Yeah.

Yeah, we heard he's threatening to jump off a building.

Huh.

Hey, listen, you know this guy, Peter Something?

McKinley, he's...

Was in my math class, he goes to our church.

A guy told me he's on the roof of his building.

Do you think I live in a cave or something?

I know, okay? I know.

[SIGHS]

So, uh, you a Lakers fan?

I don't watch much basketball. I'd rather be playing.

Yeah, but, you know, since you're not gonna be playing,

I thought maybe we could catch some games together.

You know, Shaq had knee problems.

Did the whole rehab thing, came back better than ever.

Until he blew out his ankle, probably because of a weak knee.

Thanks, that's really encouraging.

Mary doesn't seem like she's having a good time.

- Who is? - What's with all the books?

Dad's lucky lock, that's what. I can't get my locker open.

You want me to try?

No, thanks.

[BELL RINGING]

Planning to be late for all your classes today, Mr. Camden?

No, sir.

I mean, I asked him to take the garbage out, for crying out loud.

And then the neighbour says he's on the roof.

I knew he was annoyed with me, but I'm a single mom.

It comes with the territory. I'm used to it.

You can't be a mother and a father to a kid

without him getting upset sometimes.

I just...

I had no idea he was this upset.

You sure you have no idea what set him off?

We argued about the usual.

Jeans, sneakers, hair, lunch. That's it, nothing out of the ordinary.

It must be tough raising him all on your own.

Well, actually, up until now, I thought I had him under control.

[SIGHS]

[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

[ANNIE AND JUNE GASP]

Oh, no.

[SIGHS]

[STUDENTS CHATTERING, LAUGHING]

Guess what, there's a ninth grader on top of a 30-storey building.

And he was gonna jump, but the police came,

and the fire department and they've got dogs

and they're surrounding the whole building.

I heard it was just good old Sergeant Michaels.

Possibly. You wanna go check it out at lunch?

- We can't, who's going to drive us? - Oh, yeah. Too bad.

It's really gonna be good. Might have even gotten on the news.

If we'd gotten on, don't think our parents would know we were there?

So this day could've gotten worse.

See you.

[BELL RINGING]

Let's form a circle and I'll read you a story.

Ruth Camden, are you going to insist on wearing that cap backwards

and looking like a gang member?

Because I would hate for you to get a time-out

on your very first day of school.

I'm sorry, I forgot.

That's more like it.

All right. Any questions before we begin?

RICKY: Questions about what?

About anything.

I have a question.

Yes, Ruth?

Is anyone in here in a gang?

KIDS [CHUCKLING]: No.

I know Ruthie really good and she's not in a gang, I swear.

Everyone wears their hat backwards like that.

Whether or not Ruth is in a gang, the rules are the same for everyone.

Now perhaps, we can get on with our story.

Unless there are any more questions?

- Yes, Ricky? - I missed the bus this morning

because it came earlier than they said it was going to.

And while I was waiting for my mom

to get done yelling at the school people on the phone so she could take me,

I saw this boy on the roof and he was saying he was gonna jump off.

Oh. Were the police there?

Because we all know police officers are our friends

and they come to help us when we're in trouble.

Did the police call the boy's mother?

Yeah, but she wasn't working out so good,

so I think the cop was calling a superhero to help him.

- A superhero? - Like Batman.

Or Batgirl. Batgirl could probably get him down.

Yeah, Batgirl could definitely do it.

[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

- I'm going up. - I don't think that's such a good idea.

And since when have you become an expert on my son?

I know it's hard, but try to wait it out a little longer, June.

He has had all morning.

And if he were gonna do something drastic, he would have done it by now.

Still, when anyone makes the kind of threat Peter's making,

we have to take that threat seriously.

This is Peter we're talking about.

You actually think he's the type to jump off a building?

Uh-- There isn't really a type of person who has these kinds of problems.

It could just be your average kid, or adult for that matter,

who gets a little confused and convinces himself

this is the only way out.

Peter is not confused.

He's just trying to make a point, and now it is my turn to make a point

So if you don't wanna go up there, then I will.

Peter, this is your mother talking!

I've had just about enough of this, young man!

I want you to come down here right now!

Don't let my mom come up here, Reverend!

I mean it, don't let her come up here!

[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

Come on, June, let's take a walk.

Okay, now's your chance. Why don't you give it another shot?

Hey, Peter.

Hey, come on. Let's talk about this man to man, just the two of us.

What do you say?

Just leave me alone.

I'd like to try to get closer to him.

There's a fire escape on the back side of the building

and the inside stairs lead up to the roof.

I checked it out earlier.

Yeah, but I don't think we wanna make any unannounced visits.

Not yet, anyway.

Peter, I'm gonna come up there, so we don't have to shout

where everybody can hear us.

I won't come near you, I promise.

No! Stay away!

If you come up here, she'll come up here, believe me!

Okay, I believe you.

I'd really like to talk to you, but I'll wait till you're ready.

[WHISPERS] You're doing great.

Just have patience, wait it out.

"And they lived happily ever after."

The end.

Which means it's time for recess.

ALL: Yay!

[CHATTERING AND LAUGHING]

Okay, Ruth, that's it. Time-out.

Oops. I forgot.

Well, maybe a little time-out will help you remember.

Go.

Can I have a time-out too?

All right, time-out for you too.

Thank you.

[CHATTERING]

Hey, thanks for saving me a spot.

Well, it's not like kids are just dying to sit with us.

Too bad we're missing that guy who's jumping off that building.

Yeah, I guess.

Hey, wanna go check it out after lunch?

Everyone else is going.

No, I don't really need to see a jumper. I've had a bad enough day already.

What are you two squirts doing at my table?

SIMON: I...

We didn't know that this was your table.

We were just eating, or we were going to eat.

Eat what?

Chicken. You want half?

Sure.

Drop the knife, son.

Come with me.

What was that?

Concealed weapon.

Bummer.

See, there's this one operation

where they drill a hole through your knee

and then suck all the fluid out with a needle.

MARY: Excuse me.

[THUDDING]

[TAPPING]

Luce?

- What are you doing? - Hiding.

- From who? - It's whom.

Ashley. She has the locker right next to me.

I'm gonna have to look at her and Jimmy Moon all year.

That's why you're carrying your books? You're avoiding your locker?

No, I can't get my locker to open.

Every class, I get a new book, so by the end of the day

my books are gonna weigh more than I do

and my arms are killing me.

Well, you can put your books in my locker.

And I've got some aspirin. Come on.

GIRL 1: Hi, Mary.

[GIRLS CHUCKLING]

GIRL 2: Hi, Mary. - Hi.

How's your knee?

It hurts a little.

But not as much as not being able to play.

So you ladies done putting on your faces?

What?

The lipstick, blush, the makeup thing.

Putting on our faces?

Who talks like that? Do you know what year it is?

Yeah, that sounds like something Mrs. Cleaver would say.

Yeah, well, I like a little makeup on my woman.

You know, I think you know your way around here well enough

to go find one on your own.

[SIGHS]

Freak.

Welcome back, ladies.

Is this a good time to discuss the school's drug policy?

It's only aspirin.

You know the rules, Mary.

I don't, I'm new. I don't know the rules.

Well, the nice thing about them is they are not difficult at all to remember.

No drugs. Illegal or legal, prescription or non-prescription.

I think this is the point in the conversation

where you both follow me down to my office.

Let's go now.

I think I'm gonna puke.

Let's hope Mrs. Peabody's marriage doesn't work out.

Because if she doesn't come back, we're not gonna graduate.

What are you worried about? Koper hates me the most.

He hates us both.

Maybe that's why that kid's jumping off the building.

Maybe he heard he's got Koper for ninth-grade English.

Where'd they get this guy, anyway?

Don't they have enough teachers torturing us,

they had to call in some prison warden?

[PAGER BEEPING]

You know, I could have sworn that the school handbook

listed beepers as drug paraphernalia,

which can get you suspended if you're lucky,

arrested if you're not.

KOPER: Let's go.

[SIGHS]

Well, come on. I'll make you a cup of coffee.

Oh, thanks.

You know, Peter's father was totally irresponsible.

Took off the minute I got pregnant. I haven't heard from him since.

That must have been hard for you, June.

Well, it was in the beginning, but I made it work.

At least I thought I had until now. You know, I just...

I can't believe he would do something like this.

Well, maybe it has nothing to do with you.

Maybe he just can't face going back to school.

It's not like when we were there. There's a lot of pressure.

But he does well at school, he makes good grades.

Why wouldn't he wanna go back?

I mean, all summer, all I've heard is that finally this year,

he's gonna be in high school.

Does he have a lot of friends?

He's kind of a loner, but he always has been.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Well, my daughter, Mary, was a bit of a loner

until she got involved in sports.

Does Peter play any sports?

He begged me to let him go out for soccer.

But I was worried either he'd get hurt or it would affect his grades.

Okay, you know what? Um...

I've had enough.

I'm gonna go up on the roof. This has gone on long enough.

June, please. Sergeant Michaels says that these things take time,

and Eric is very good with kids.

I tried really hard to teach Peter how to be responsible.

And up until now, he's pretty much done as I said.

So I resent it when people in authority

try to tell me what to do with my own child.

[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

ANNIE: She's going up. I couldn't stop her.

Where's my mom?

Where's my mom, Reverend Camden?

Just stay cool, Peter.

Okay. Okay, son,

now let's just pull ourselves together and get to school.

- Told you not to come up here. - I am the mother, you're the child.

It's not appropriate for you to tell me what to do.

Now let's just get going.

We can talk about this when I get back from work.

What's the point?

You never listen to me.

I told you, I can't wear these pants to school.

This is all about these pants? Those pants are fine.

No, they're not fine.

It's not just the pants, it's the last 13 years.

What?

Wa-- Uh...

I wasn't gonna jump.

I just wanted to be heard.

Nobody understands.

Nobody understands what it's like at school.

I don't wanna go.

Please, don't make me go.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

[BOTH GIGGLING]

[FLUSHING]

[FLUSHING, GIGGLING CONTINUES]

- What are we doing? - Trying to get Ruthie's hat.

What?

- I had to go to the bathroom. - Me too.

- Only, I was afraid of the snakes. - Me too.

What snakes?

The ones my brother said the janitors put in the toilets

and then they multiply in the basement until there's bazillions of them.

And while we were looking for them, my hat fell in the toilet.

And we've been trying to get it out.

Any luck?

- Well, it was a cute hat. - Mm. Well, maybe I can help.

Okay, Ruth, now, do you promise

never to wear that hat to school again?

Yes, ma'am, but can you try to call me Ruthie, please, Mrs. Rainy?

I'll try.

Now, you hold this and I'll go look for a plastic bag, okay?

You're never gonna wear that hat again.

No, it was in the toilet.

I'll give it to Simon.

[BOTH GIGGLING]

You know, threatening to jump off a building

is not the way to solve your problems.

I want you to promise me you're never gonna do this again.

Again? I was never gonna jump.

It looked like you were gonna jump.

I just came up here to ditch.

Would you go to school looking like I do?

I'm not quite following you.

Take a look, man, are you blind?

These are Hunky Boy jeans.

I asked for baggy pants,

and the woman tries to send me to school in Hunky Boys.

Uh-huh. I'd rather be dead than be the guy

that has to wear these pants all through high school.

Well, I understand, yeah.

Um... Would you mind if I come out and talk?

Yeah, okay.

I'm sorry, I heard what you said and I don't understand.

What's wrong with the guy you are?

- You're such a bright boy. - That's part of the problem.

If I were stupid, I wouldn't know I was a geek.

Oh, you are not a geek.

How would you know?

You don't know what school is like.

You don't know what the other kids are like.

PETER: I'm a geek and you made me that way.

I'm such a geek, I let you.

Okay.

Okay, now tell the truth, is Peter a geek?

Tell her.

[SIGHS]

Listen, you know, it's really a matter of perspective.

The things that parents value,

like good grades or responsibility or courtesy,

aren't necessarily the first things that a peer group looks at.

Well, you can't let what the other kids say get to you.

What kind of world are you living in?

Of course it gets to me.

I'm with these people eight hours a day.

Yeah, see, that's kind of why they call them peers.

So, what happens when these same peers

want you to drink or do drugs?

Are you going to listen to them then?

Don't you know me better than that?

No, I'm sorry to say I don't.

Because until today,

I never had my kid on a roof threatening to jump off.

How many times do I have to say it?

I was not going to jump.

You're still not listening.

I'm sorry.

I listen when you tell me something that's important to you.

I just wish you'd try to listen when I tell you something

that's important to me.

That sounds fair.

[SIGHS]

Okay, Peter, I'm listening.

I'm really listening.

Hey, how's it going, little man?

- I got suspended for a day. BUCK: Ah.

A one-day pass for the chicken blade?

- Seems reasonable. - What is so reasonable?

When they get through to my mom and dad, I'll never see chicken again.

Who put that knife in your lunchbox anyway?

Mom.

It was my mom.

Now that's a weapon. Use it.

Man, I'm kind of afraid to have Buck as a friend.

Really? I'm kind of afraid not to.

How come the principal couldn't get ahold of your dad?

I don't know. They beeped him at least 50 times.

[BEEPING]

You know I'm not selling drugs, it's my dad's beeper.

Matt, I believe you.

But I have to apply the rules to the kids I trust

the same way I apply them to kids that I don't trust.

Even when it makes me look like a jerk.

For the record, I trust you.

Come on, please, it's the first day of school.

[PHONE RINGING]

You wouldn't happen to be Mary Camden, would you?

Yeah. I mean, yes, sir.

I'm Mr. Koper, the new assistant basketball coach.

And when Coach Mayfield leaves next year,

I'll be talking over for him as coach.

I didn't know Coach Mayfield was leaving.

But then, I wouldn't, since I'm off the team.

Well, if it's any consolation to you, I'm sure they're hurting

as badly without you as you must be without them.

How's the rehabilitation coming along?

- Slow. - Well, what do you say we fix that?

If we work out every single day after school, we should have you back

by midseason if you're willing to work on it.

Good. You've met.

Coach Koper trained the women's Olympic basketball team.

We're very lucky to have him.

- Why didn't you go with the WNBA? - Because I love teaching.

Speaking of which,

I would like a little assignment from you for tomorrow.

Say, three pages, based on the essays that we talked about in class.

Well, I'm not gonna be around tomorrow, I'm suspended.

KOPER: Yeah, I knew you would be.

So you should have plenty of time to write, right? Problem?

- No, sir. KOPER: Good.

For a guy who's as talented a writer as you are,

an assignment like this shouldn't be a problem.

Mrs. Peabody left me your file.

And, well, you do possess a little bit of talent.

I just wanted to see what would happen

if you actually applied a little self-discipline.

How you feeling, Lucy?

So, what about us?

I'll tell you what.

I'm gonna give the three of you the family rate.

One-day suspension each.

I'll see you Wednesday.

Oh, Lucy, I almost forgot.

Two, two, two.

Voila.

I get the concept. My lock just doesn't work.

When you're ready, we can have the janitor cut off the old lock

and you can use this one.

You know that girl, Ashley Something, who has that locker next to you?

Well, apparently, someone dropped a plate of spaghetti in the lunch room,

and she slipped and slid right across the floor.

And from what I'm told, she mooned the entire Chess Club

with her Pocahontas underwear.

[CHUCKLES]

Welcome to high school, Luce.

You'll have better days, I promise.

You all will.

Sorry we had to spend our day together this way.

[LAUGHS]

- Do you think Peter's gonna be okay? - Yeah, I think they both are.

And they're gonna come see me once a week so I can make sure.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm also gonna suggest they rent a one-storey house.

You know, we are so lucky with our kids.

I don't know if it's just luck. We do a pretty good job raising them.

[INDISTINCT POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

- Hey, Reverend. - Hey, sarge.

Your kids' schools have been trying to reach you.

I guess your beeper's off.

I don't even have my beeper.

- Which school, which kid? - All three schools, all five kids.

And what did you say to Ms. Russell?

I told her I'm not dealing drugs and Dad left his beeper in my jacket.

MATT: Didn't matter.

I won't let it happen again.

So you're not gonna wear my jacket anymore?

No, I'll be more careful in the future. I love that jacket.

You know, I told Ms. Russell that you gave me aspirin and I gave it to Lucy.

I know. No more aspirin.

Not that I would've needed it if Dad's lucky lock had worked.

Which, as I think I've already mentioned many, many times,

I'm very, very sorry about.

ERIC: But I don't mind saying it again because I did a terrible thing.

It's okay, I'm over it. Kind of.

Yeah, and I'm kind of over the fact

that my lucky ancient lock was sawed in half.

How'd it go with Marcus?

First of all, his real name isn't Marcus, it's Mark.

He just uses Marcus to be cool.

And secondly, he's not cool.

He kept needling me about not being on the team.

And this new guy that Matt hates, what's-his-name?

- Mr. Koper. - He's gonna help you out, right?

Yeah, and I'm kind of excited about it.

- I'd like to see you back on the team. - Me too.

You know, I didn't think of it at the time,

but I think I should have told them that Mom put the knife in my lunchbox.

- Actually, I explained that to them. - And still I'm suspended?

Well, we tried, but evidently

a concealed-weapons charge is pretty serious.

And, Ruthie, what did you learn from your little experience?

Not that much, but I still think that sometimes a hat is just a hat.

Think Mrs. Rainy would agree with that?

No, which is why I can't wear the hat to school anymore.

I'll take it.

[LAUGHING]

So did anything else happen today that we should know about?

Well, I heard Peter McKinley tried to jump off a building

because he didn't wanna go to school.

That wasn't it at all.

- How do you know? - Because we were there.

Well, what happened?

Well, I probably shouldn't just blab this all around,

but it will be all over school tomorrow anyway.

Peter was leaving for school this morning

and he saw a burglary in progress.

Somebody was trying to break into one of the neighbour's apartments,

so he chased the burglar up onto the roof

and held him at bay until the SWAT team arrived.

His mom was yelling at him, like, the whole time to come down.

ERIC: He wouldn't. - Oh, yeah.

He stuck it out till the very end.

- He's a brave guy, that Peter. - Very brave.

- Wow. - Cool.

Way cool.

[QUIETLY] Yeah.

Well, I think it's time that everybody go upstairs and study.

Yes.

[MATT SIGHS]

That was a very lame story.

- Yeah, but spread it around, will you? - Yeah.

So 9:00 and they're suspended for one day.

Thirty-six hours and counting.

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