Original subtitles

I regret the intrusion, sir.

But we have just received a wireless message...

...a very disturbing one.

I am afraid we have to ask you to submit to a search.

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

[GRUNTS]

[BANGING ON DOOR]

[EXPLOSION]

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

[PLANE ENGINE DRONING]

What happened?

He must have had some kind of explosive device with him.

I think the man is entitled to a partial refund.

[FILM PROJECTOR WHIRRING]

[LAUGHING]

Yes, gentlemen, you have something to report?

We've just come from the airfield.

Flight 604 from Paris evidently had some difficulty en route.

Hm. I rather suspected that they would, especially since our anonymous warning...

...that a certain passenger might be carrying an explosive charge.

Yes, apparently the passenger in question had his explosives detonated...

...while locked in the plane's washroom.

Kind of blew him out of the tub, so to speak.

Ha-ha-ha. Our esteemed Monsieur Raymond...

...has been noted for his ability to disappear and reappear unexpectedly.

But this time, I think he has disappeared for good. Ha, ha.

Very likely they'll never recover the body.

The plane was over the Channel when he went.

Bit of a pity, now we'll never know what he really looked like.

The important thing is that Raymond is gone.

When our meeting convenes tomorrow, there will be no one to oppose me.

[SIGHS]

A signal victory, gentlemen.

We can now go forwards...

...and no power on Earth will be able to stop us.

ILLYA: Rather disappointing.

I would've expected a man like Raymond to have been carrying a small arsenal.

Don't forget, he had to have gone through British customs in London.

Or so he presumed when he packed.

Aha! Oh. Look at this. Here we go. Look at that.

Huh?

Balanced for throwing too.

And here's something else that's balanced for throwing.

Well, a grenade camouflaged as an electric shaver. Mm-hm.

[EXPLOSION]

Hm. Hm.

His belt's plastic explosive too. High quality.

It must have been something like this in the plane.

Precisely. A real terror weapon too.

One that Raymond's extremist organization used very successfully...

...in their campaign to bring down the government of France.

I imagine the French authorities are rather glad that Raymond is out of the way.

Well, not entirely.

You see, we know that leaders of extremist organizations...

...from other countries were anxious to join forces with extremists of the far left.

Raymond himself was very much opposed to such an alliance.

We believe he called a meeting of these leaders...

...to express his views.

So as long as he was opposed to such an alliance, he was of some value...

...to world stability.

Did you show Mr. Solo the wallet?

- Wallet? What wallet? - Slipped my mind.

When Raymond was getting on the plane...

I took the precaution of removing his wallet.

In other words, you picked his pocket.

If you prefer such a bourgeois description of an act of pure presence of mind.

I prefer.

Well, maybe this was some sort of a contact signal...

...that Raymond was going to use in London.

And could very well lead us to the meeting of fanatic leaders.

If we have someone to impersonate Raymond.

Someone to impersonate him? Well, uh, it shouldn't be too difficult.

As I recall, rumors said that he never had the same face twice.

The man had a thousand disguises. No one knows what he really looked like.

ILLYA: Are you, uh, volunteering for the assignment?

I don't know. Am I?

Before anyone volunteers...

...I want to make certain that there's some chance of success.

Let's see. I'm trying to recall.

There ought to be someone at headquarters with war experience...

...that might be helpful to us.

Well, it's late now. The Filing Section would have gone home.

Hm.

Get me the home address of Mr. Sully of the Inactive Files Section.

That's it. Come on, go ahead, come on. Get it. That's it, come on.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Ah. Hold it. Just a minute, please. Hold it. Coming.

[SIGHS]

Coming.

- Hello. - Hello, Albert.

SULLY: Mr. Waverly. Hello, how are you? - I'm sorry. Are we disturbing you?

- No, no, not at all. Come on in. - Did we catch you at dinner?

No, I was just preparing a light supper, that's all.

If you haven't eaten, I'd be happy to make poached eggs.

- No, please, don't bother. No. - You sure?

I-- I wanted you to meet these two young men...

...Mr. Solo and Mr. Kuryakin.

- How do you do? - This is Mr. Albert Sully, gentlemen.

Nice to meet-- Excuse me, water's boiling.

SOLO: If you don't mind conversation with dinner there's something you might tell us.

No, not at all. Listen, I'm sorry-- Let me have those.

I'm sorry about how the place looks.

When you're living alone, there's no need to live gracefully, like they say.

You're sure I can't make you a couple of eggs?

None for me. Mr. Waverly tells me you used to be with the OSS.

- Is that right? - Yes, that's right.

That's right, that was kind of a high watermark in my career...

...you might say.

Mr. Waverly, won't you sit down, please? Make yourself comfortable.

Yes, I was in France for a year just before the Allies landed.

During that time, did you ever make contact...

...with a man who was known as Raymond?

Raymond? I'll say, yes.

He was the top assassin of a resistance group in the south of France.

We were all enthusiastic young butchers in those days...

...but, uh, you know, there was something very special about him.

He had authentic blood lust.

Yes, we all know that much about him.

But we have to know more. Much more.

It seems he was permanently addicted to underground warfare...

...during those years.

Yes, that's right.

Well, what is it you wanna know about Raymond?

His personal habits, idiosyncrasies, mannerisms....

Everything you knew about him.

Really? I see.

It sounds as if, uh, one of your men is gonna try to impersonate Raymond.

Well, that's the idea, Albert.

So you can see why it is, we need your help.

Yes. Yes, I do see.

I won't help you.

- What? - I said I won't help you.

I'll do it for you.

- You? - Yes.

- You impersonate Raymond? - Of course, why not?

I'm afraid that's not possible.

I mean, you haven't been in any active fieldwork for years.

And for good reason.

After all, you did boggle that last assignment.

Yes, but I wouldn't boggle this one. These two will.

See, in the first place, they're too young to impersonate Raymond.

That's only one part of it. Now, I've lived with this man.

There's a lot of things about him that I couldn't begin tell you.

But I could do them instinctively.

You know, uh, Albert...

...this somewhat smacks of blackmail, you know that?

[CHUCKLES]

Yes, it does, doesn't it?

If I agree to this, these two young men will have to accompany you.

- They'll be in charge of the operation. - Certainly, no argument about that.

I suppose there's no other way.

How soon could you be ready to leave for London?

Let's see, now. Raymond. Hm.

Well, I'll need a moustache, yes.

And a little more hair.

Well, now.

What kind of gimcrackery do you call that?

It's a new miniature homing device. issued by our Double K Section.

Homes in on pins up to a, uh, 50-mile radius.

Fifty miles, imagine that. Hm.

Is that why they paged you at the airport? To give you that?

That's right, that's right.

Mr. Waverly sent it over by a special courier.

I'm sorry I had to put you through the chore of checking the luggage...

...but I had to make sure I made contact with the courier.

Oh, that's all right.

You know, after so many years in the Filing Section...

...well, I'm not too proud to do menial jobs.

Ahem. Don't play Uriah Heep, Sully. It really doesn't become you.

[CHUCKLES]

You're right.

[FRENCH ACCENT] The part of Raymond is much better for me.

And that is the name, Raymond. Remember.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- I see you've kept up with your languages. [IN NORMAL VOICE] Yes.

That's a difficult book, let alone in French.

Well, reading or writing in French isn't too difficult.

Good.

Yeah, it's the thinking in French that's-- That's when it really gets hard.

Oh, right, is that it? That's the way Raymond thinks?

You don't expect me to answer that, do you?

Not really, no.

Oh, uh, incidentally, we've never really defined the points of the escape.

Don't you think we ought to get to that right now?

Go ahead, you're in charge. What do you suggest?

In straight lines, we go from airport to the hotel and check in.

Then we go to Hyde Park and seek out the speakers' section.

Oh. Yes, of course, the--

The button for the Hyde Park Debating Society.

That's right, the little button.

Now, you put the button in your lapel and you just sort of mosey around...

...until you find another little button.

I see. What happens then?

Well, we'll just improvise from there on in.

There you are. Wait a minute.

Say, would you mind going back to the hotel by yourselves?

I'll catch up with you, I've got to find a tailor...

...to fit in a few little details about Raymond's wardrobe.

- I couldn't find it in New York. - Well, that's no problem.

I'll, uh, go along with you. No rush to get to the hotel.

[CHUCKLES]

- You really don't trust me, do you? - Ah, not a whole lot, no.

Oh!

Clumsy me. Don't break up the game. I'll get the homing pins.

It's quite amiss.

Ahh. Ooh....

It looks like a tough fellow. Here, let me....

You know that well.

All right, I think we just-- We can make the--

Ooh. Watch your fingers. Okay, okay.

- Looks like my game. - So it would seem.

[YAWNING]

I think I'm gonna get a little rest. Good night.

Why'd you put a pin in his cuff?

Oh. The better to find him with, my dear.

[CHUCKLES]

Good night.

SULLY: Pussycat, pussycat Where have you been?

I've been to London To see the queen.

INSPECTOR: Have a good trip, sir.

- May I have your passport? - Yes, sir.

And would you read this card and tell me if you have anything listed to declare?

SULLY: Let's see, no more than a fifth of liquor or wine...

...a half a pint of perfume, reasonable amount of raw film, cigars.

- No, nothing to declare. - Thank you very much, sir.

May I have your passport? Read this card.

Let me know if you have anything to declare.

SOLO: That's not necessary. I have nothing to declare.

Would you mind opening your suitcase?

[BOTTLES CLINK]

I have a hunch someone packed a peck of pickled peppers...

...in our bag.

Were you with our friend when he checked the bags in New York?

ILLYA: No, I went to the washroom. He was alone with the luggage.

SOLO: Mm-hm.

[SOLO SIGHS]

Well, well, well. Does Mr. Waverly know about this?

The card says you're only allowed to bring one-fifth of spirits into the country.

Do you have anything to declare, sir?

Thank you, but let's find out together. Where's the office?

Well, I think I'll go see the tailor. I'll see you back at the hotel.

- Thanks a lot, old man. - Oh. You're very welcome.

It's like playing the game of Pin the Tail to the Donkey.

Donkeys.

INSPECTOR: The office is this way, gentlemen.

I'd like to thank you, gentlemen, for your cooperation.

And I hope you enjoy your stay in the United Kingdom.

- We'll try, thank you. - Achoo!

- God bless you. ILLYA: Thank you.

You're welcome.

Well, that little delay has cost us 15 minutes.

We're going to be spending our time looking all over London for Sully.

Let's try your homing device first, shall we?

No, try it.

We don't want this homing pin...

...to interfere with the signals from the other pin.

The other pin?

Ah. He missed it.

Uh, may I play this little game also?

I thought your idea of the homing pin to be a good idea.

I placed a second pin in the band of his hat, along with a microphone disk...

...so that we can not only find our friend Mr. Sully...

...but we can also listen to him.

Well, you are a sly Russian.

Someday, when you grow up...

...you should make someone a marvelous secret agent.

Very funny. Ah. He's still in the cab.

[HORNS HONK OVER RADIO]

In traffic.

Nine-seven degrees west.

Taxi stand.

[ENGLISH ACCENT] Uh, Half-and-Half, and a fish and chips.

Put them on that table right over there. Thank you.

[CHUCKLING]

[IN NORMAL ACCENT] Hello.

Hello, Bryn, hello.

How are you?

- Good to see you. Hello. - I don't think I shall say hello.

After all, you never said goodbye.

I would never say goodbye to you unless I was absolutely sure...

...that you were never gonna see me again.

Bert.

You look....

You look older.

Well, uh, I'm getting a little help here, you see.

But you know you don't?

Twenty years have made you look nothing but lovelier.

You don't sound older, thank goodness.

But there have been changes, my sweet assassin.

Really? How?

- Well, there was a husband who died. - I'm sorry.

- Two children. - Really? How old are they?

They're in school. And I have a job in an accounting firm.

You? You doing accounting?

- Why not? - I don't believe--

But you're the most intrepid courier that the--

That S-Two ever sent out to occupied France.

- Was. - Was, I see. You're still--

Thank you.

Ah.

There they are.

There are those of us, Bert, who have had our wars.

And we're glad to be out of them alive. But you....

No, not you. You still have that old death wish.

Oh, well, Bryn. I'm--

You know, I'm like a weapon.

- I get rusty and pitted if I'm not used. - But I'm not like that.

When I got your telegram asking me to meet you here...

...in the old surroundings, I wondered:

"Is he going to ask me to the ball again?"

Well, gentlemen don't like to dance alone, not this time, anyway.

- No, Bert. No. - Oh.

- I've been out of it for 20 years. - Bryn, no, this is very special.

You're the only one who can give me the kind of information that I need.

What information?

Do you remember a man named Raymond?

Raymond? Oh. I remember him too well.

I spent a lot of time picking up and delivering at his section.

I know we had to used him then, but that didn't mean I had to like him.

That nasty, sick, twisted mind.

Ooh.

I'll never forget him.

Good, good.

Now, I want to know everything you know about Raymond.

You see, I have to try to pass as Raymond.

SULLY: And I don't know the first blasted thing about him.

[SULLY CHUCKLING]

Oh, no.

[SULLY CHUCKLING]

Bert, are these the bogeys?

No. No, these are the friendlies.

- I'm very friendly at the moment, Sully. - Say, you two are really good.

How did you ever find me?

I left you at the--

Oh, you're naughty.

They double-ganged me.

- Bert, who are these men? - My dear, this is Napoleon Solo.

This is Illya Kuryakin. Miss Bryn Watson. They're making the party with me.

Wrong. We're making the party without you.

Oh, really? You think you can manage?

SOLO: Any one of us could've slipped under the skin of Raymond...

...with an equal lack of knowledge.

I'm certain Miss Watson here could brief us on any background we may need.

Yes, I suppose you're right. Bryn could, but she won't.

Start.

Look, before I get stuck with the bill...

...will one of you gentlemen please tell me what all this is about?

Look, Bryn, there's a meeting of some dangerous extremist groups...

...about to take place.

They're trying to form an international alliance...

...that could mean intense danger for the world.

Now, we can't let this happen.

And we won't, not if you work with me, Bryn.

Bert, I'm not up to it.

You don't have to be. You can stay safely at home.

Just tell me all you know.

That is absolutely stupid.

Why, anything can pop out of the box between now and that meeting.

Someone's got to go along who knows--

Bryn, come with me. People like you and me, we don't lose it.

It's-- It's inside.

We don't need these toys. This is for kids.

Once more, for old times' sake. One more dance.

You always were an assassin.

It's like he says.

We dance well together. I'm sorry, Mr. Solo.

Well, it's no surprise to me.

All right, you carry the ball. But just remember, you do as I say.

- Of course. You're in charge of the show. - Well, thank you very much.

Thank you.

Don't thank me. I just can't resist a wedding or a funeral.

MAN: And I tell you, ladies and gentlemen...

...that you've got to listen to every word that I tell you...

...because the message that I bring you comes straight from my heart.

- And I want it to penetrate straight-- - The man on the stand calls himself Wye.

He's always done the dirty work of a very nasty type...

...who goes by the name Zed.

- Zed. - Mm-hm.

WYE: --to the words that I tell you.

Why, then and only then will devastation come upon you...

...because I haven't been talking here for months and months...

...like some of these.

I'm fresh and new, and my ideas are fresh.

Look at you, standing there, listening to me...

...nodding your heads, agreeing with everything I say.

[PHONE RINGING]

- Yes? Zed here. - It's Raymond. He's here at the park.

- Are you certain? - Yes, of course I'm certain.

He's wearing a blue button.

Raymond was the only one we sent a blue button.

Ugh. The man's like a ruddy cat.

Very well, deprive him of one of his many lives.

And this one had better be the last.

WYE: All I ask you, friends, take your hearts away...

...from the thoughts of the flesh and the devil...

...and give yourselves to the ennobling feelings of peace...

...humanity, self-denial and discipline.

And where will you be 57 minutes from now?

Some foul Soho strip club...

...the Keyhole or something like it.

And, friends, ask yourselves every day, every day when you get up:

"Can I help? Can I do anything to make life better?

Am I pure of vice?"

WYE: And, friends, when the answer comes back:

"Yes, I can do this. Yes, I can"...

...then and only then...

...will you know the pure, ennobling pleasures of this discipline...

...and this self-denial.

But if you don't do this, friends...

...then there is no hope for you, then civilization as we know it will end...

...and peace will not reign among us.

And so I say to you:

In your hearts, clean out all these infections that are within you and killing you...

...and only live with a pure, clean life of civilization.

And then you will appreciate the true feelings of peace.

Peace, everybody, and self-denial. That's the ticket.

[SOLO AND ILLYA SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

Right, ladies and gentlemen, the meeting's over.

Thank you very much.

[SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

Whoo!

[SOLO SINGING INDISTINCTLY]

Who were those people, Ecks?

Are you feeling poorly?

SULLY: You handled that beautifully in the park.

Why don't you take the rest of the day off?

SOLO: Sorry. Whither thou goest, you know? Et cetera, et cetera.

Let's get on the bus.

- Have you got change? BRYN: I knew I'd get stuck with the bill.

[BRYN GASPS]

BRYN: You dolt, give that back. WYE: Faster.

BRYN: Get away.

[GRUNTING]

Stop the bus.

SULLY: How bad is it? We better get you to the hospital.

No, there's no time.

We've gotta get to that Soho nightclub in less than an hour, remember?

- Go on, get a cab. - Get this man to a hospital.

Break regulations if you must, but get him there, quickly.

Are you sure you're all right?

Yeah, the only regret I have is that I won't be able to see the floorshow.

ILLYA: Taxi.

ILLYA: Remarkable the number of people that find it necessary to protect their eyes...

...in such a dimly lit room.

A lot of these people look familiar.

Let's see.

There's the man-- Behind the brown suit over there, Bert.

That's Botchak, the Pol--

Bert, your hair.

- What about it? - It's in your hat.

Leave it.

The, um....

The woman behind you at the next table, I....

She's trying to signal me out. Do you know her?

She's a complete stranger.

But she's looking at you as if you're no stranger.

Maybe it's one of Raymond's friends.

He reputedly had a certain masochistic charm...

...for some women.

Um....

She keeps giving me the eye. What do we do if she comes over?

I don't know.

I am going to see him. I will be back.

But we'll soon find out.

Oh. Kill me. Can you tell me something about him?

- He was always rough with his women. - Rough with the women.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

[FRENCH ACCENT] Please, please, speak English.

I can't abide that Flemish patois.

Oh. You always were a purist, sweet.

You will introduce me to your friends, no?

SULLY: No. You can introduce yourself, if you must.

- I am the Baroness de Fracasser. - Must we invent names?

Oh. You are right, sweet. How entirely unnecessary.

Oh.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

Oh, that is the best makeup job yet.

Do you know I can't even remember what you really look like?

Just as well.

They will begin soon now that you are here.

I started to think that you weren't coming.

For a while, I thought that I wasn't coming myself.

There have been three attempts at my life...

...and the last one was on the plane from Paris.

Baroness, you can help us.

I believe there is a traitor in our organization.

Oh, but no, of course. I will report whatever I can learn.

Not bad for one so long from the wars.

Well, this is only a skirmish. We have the whole war to win yet.

And we've already had the scalping.

Exciting, isn't it?

[DRUM PLAYING EXOTIC BEAT]

[CROWD CHEERING]

[CROWD APPLAUDING, WHISTLING]

[CROWD LAUGHING]

[CROWD APPLAUDING, WHISTLING]

What's she doing with her hands?

It look likes the language that deaf and dumb people use...

...except I can't make it out.

It's something Raymond worked out during the war.

Just a minute, I think I'm reading her.

"Go...immediately.

380...

...Grover's Inn Road."

That part I can read.

It means "hurry."

[CROWD CHEERING]

See you very soon, Marcel.

Bert, no. Raymond didn't smoke. He's allergic to tobacco.

We must warn the others. That is not Raymond.

Just one minute, please.

You swine. I told you to stay away from my wife.

[BARONESS SCREAMS]

As for you--

- Have you no regard for our children? - Let me go. Let go of me.

Well, he's only got one pair of hands.

And you'd better not get involved.

Here goes.

Hang on a minute. You're not going anywhere.

Oh!

No, give that back. My dress.

[BARONESS YELLING]

What have you done? How dare you?

You leave me alone, you.

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

What are you doing?

I've arranged with the police to hold the baroness till after the meeting.

I hope you've discarded those cigarettes.

I'm sorry about that. It simply won't happen again.

We'd best be on our way to Grover's Inn Road.

She said hurry. And please put your hair on.

Come on.

Sorry, dame. There's no point discussing it any further.

Bert, won't you ever listen?

I'm sorry, old girl, but this is as far as you go.

But you don't know enough about Raymond. You'll get yourself killed.

Ha, ha. Bye, love.

Thanks for dropping me off. See you later.

- Wait, please. - We can't linger around here.

Look, unless you're prepared to sit on me, I'm going in there after him.

Wait for us, an hour should do...

...one way or the other.

Are we late?

What a lovely way to welcome guests.

[FRENCH ACCENT] Oh, gently, gently, please. These people are with me.

What with the difficulties I've experienced after leaving France...

...I found it most comforting to indulge myself with a bodyguard.

ZED: A bodyguard, Monsieur Raymond?

You feel the need of a bodyguard here, among your friends and associates?

- Especially here, Mr. Zed. - Thank you.

- Mm-hm. - Ah, Mr. Zed.

Yes, someone was trying to destroy me...

...someone who had a surprising amount of information...

...about my itinerary.

To put it bluntly, a traitor.

[ZED LAUGHS]

That face. Marcel Raymond, always with a new face.

It is very disconcerting.

Tell me, why didn't you meet me this morning at my hotel...

...as we had planned?

Well, after what happened on the plane from Paris...

...I knew that I had been betrayed.

I decided then and there to trust no one.

Oh, yes, the plane.

We heard that there'd been an explosion aboard...

...and that you were blown out in mid-flight.

How could anyone survive such an experience?

The cat always lands on his feet, my friend, didn't you know?

Still, we mustn't take chances, must we?

You yourself have hinted at possible enemies within our ranks.

We have yet to check your credentials.

[SULLY CHUCKLES]

Of course.

Thank you.

Hm. Yes, it looks like the button we sent to Raymond.

[ZED SIGHS]

Everything satisfactory?

- Glad to have you aboard. - Thank you.

Now that your suspicions have been satisfied...

...may I indulge mine?

Will you tell your bodyguard to release my bodyguard?

Release his bodyguard.

My pistol?

While you are a guest in my house? Certainly not.

The meeting will commence directly on my return, gentlemen.

[LAUGHS]

I think he switched buttons. You'd better take a look.

[WHISPERS] Not now. We've got company.

- You are a most selfish man, Marcel. - Really, why?

Bringing such a charming woman here...

...and not even introducing her to your-- One of your oldest friends.

Oh, I am so sorry. How stupid of me, of course.

May I present Miss Watson--?

No, introduction is needed, Mynheer Hollander.

- Hollander. - It's been 20 years since we met...

...but I used to deliver parcels to you in Amsterdam.

- You remember? - But of course.

The beautiful young British courier.

Yes, of course, I remember very well.

Now, you would show up with-- With Marcel, of course.

- Let me see the button. - Hm?

Yes, of course. Oh, you must tell me all about it.

Yes.

- Ha, ha. - Yes, the entire back is filled...

...with the most volatile of all the plastic explosives.

All this requires is the signal from a miniaturized radio transmitter...

...to detonate it.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

It's impossible. There's no more than an ounce of powder there.

- Is that enough to kill anyone? - Where you were carrying it?

Without question. You'd better let me get rid of it for you.

No, that-- It'll be all right. I'll take care of it.

I think what you should do...

...is to get ahold of Bryn and see if you can get her out of here.

It's too late for that now.

- She won't go anywhere without you. - Oh, is that right? Well, that's a--

- Ah. We commence again. - Yes.

I'm sorry, old boy...

...but naturally your man here, and the woman...

...must be excluded from the meeting.

- Well, naturally. - And no listening at keyholes.

The guards have been instructed to severely discourage such indiscretions.

You'll come look for me afterwards, won't you?

Only if it suits me, I--

[WHISPERING] Hollander, the Dutchman, and the German, his name's Becker.

They're with you. Johansson, the Swede, is backing Zed.

But O'Hanlon, the Irishman, he's not backing anybody.

They're important. The others follow whichever way the wind blows.

[RAISES VOICE] You know how I feel about you, yet you keep treating me as dirt.

You're beginning to bore me, ch�rie. It's not very good at all when you bore me.

Mr. Zed. Mr. Zed, I want--

Well, you must give me the name of your tailor.

That is an absolute wonderful cut.

Mr. Zed, even though we are at odds tonight...

...I want you to know that I have considerable respect for you.

You are not going to underestimate me in there, is that it?

Well, precisely. Shall we?

Psst!

I'd better look around for a fast exit.

- We may need one. - All right.

Let us not dally. We all know why we are here.

Although it sickens me to think that a member of our own organization...

...could suggest what we have to discuss.

Our friend from across the Channel...

...seems to exhibit the usual Gallic lack of realism.

We can afford to insist on perfection in the little things of life.

But when it comes to overthrowing governments...

...allies must be chosen with less delicate tastes.

My friends...

...do you know where this talk of allies is intended to lead you?

Do you know what alliance he is talking about?

He wants us to join ranks with our mortal enemies...

...the minions of the left.

Hello, ducky. Fancy meeting you here.

That's right, run.

Won't do you any good, you know.

And yell. Yell if you want to. Yell your ruddy head off.

That library's soundproofed.

Oh, Mr. Wye again, still spouting gibberish.

Keep away, you'll get yourself hurt.

Yeah, you're a real prize, you are, lovey.

And I do owe you something for that little love tap on the bus...

...and for ruining my show.

You won't be such a prize when I'm done with you.

Run!

- Ow! - Victory first.

Then we can purge the undesirables from our midst.

- Hear, hear. - I tell you this.

If we do not succeed in overthrowing established government--

Once and for all, I say no. I say no to the alliance.

I say no to the mongrelization of our sacred organization.

[GROANING]

[GRUNTS]

[ALL MURMURING]

[WOMAN SHOUTS]

There is only one way to talk to you, sir.

That for your friends outside...

...and this little surprise for you.

Zed! Zed!

The traitor in our group has betrayed himself.

I will not honor his proposal by calling for a vote.

I declare the matter of an alliance with the left...

...a dead issue.

Sully, if you stay on with the role of Raymond...

...you will be committing suicide.

Don't look back, walk naturally.

The battle has been won. It's now time to return to Inactive Files.

- No, not quite yet. BRYN: Bert, don't you understand?

Now, come on. Get into the car.

You see, if I stay on as Raymond...

...I can give them orders that will drop terrorist units...

...into the lap of U.N.C.L.E. piece by piece.

Illya, we have only won a battle. We have a chance to win the whole war.

But how long do you think it'll be before they catch up with you?

Let's find out.

Bert, at least let me come along with you for the first few weeks.

I'll help you over the roughest patches.

Thanks, old girl, but I've got to do this alone.

But don't worry. It still isn't goodbye.

I hope. Take care.

Hello.

Oh. Hello, friendlies.

I thought you'd both be back in the States by now.

We're taking a plane in an hour.

You might like to know that our French circuits...

...have indicated that he's getting away with it.

Well.

Bully for him.

Mm.

Men like Sully are only really alive when death is very near...

...and waiting right at their elbow.

Life is only tolerable for him if he's on the tightrope.

Oh, yes. I know all about those men...

...perhaps more than you do, my friends.

So I can tell you something about yourselves.

You're both from the same club.

And I can tell you something else.

You're mad. You, Bert and all the others like you.

Quite, quite mad.

So anyone for darts?

I'm easy to beat today.

Darts, old fellow?

No, I'm not that mad.

[ENGLISH SDH]