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Ripped By mstoll
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Welcome to Speakerz Music.
3
00:00:35,911 --> 00:00:38,130
Can I help you find something?
Yes.
4
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:40,123
I have discovered
this new singer.
5
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:43,127
His name is Michael Buble.
6
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He's a crooner.
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Huh. I always
assumed that
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00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:48,424
people who wanted
to buy that type of music
9
00:00:48,423 --> 00:00:51,142
would do it anonymously online.
10
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:53,478
You can buy music online?
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00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:57,732
Ooh... I, I need the cassette.
12
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,101
Cassette?
13
00:01:00,477 --> 00:01:02,445
Hey, do you have
that song that goes:
14
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:04,064
? Na-na, na-na,
squow-squow, nowt ?
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00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:06,154
? Na-na, na-na,
squow-squow. ?
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00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:08,698
I'm sorry,
I got to... yeah.
17
00:01:11,154 --> 00:01:13,156
('90s pop music plays)
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00:01:13,156 --> 00:01:15,158
If you ask me, people gave up
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00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:17,081
on cassingles much too quickly.
20
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:18,746
(music slows, stops)
21
00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:24,047
Huh. Remember that old
polygamist compound?
22
00:01:24,209 --> 00:01:26,086
Looks like they turned
it into a restaurant.
23
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,301
I had no idea.
24
00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:30,391
I realized something
today, Hank.
25
00:01:30,382 --> 00:01:33,431
I don't move and shake
the way I used to.
26
00:01:33,427 --> 00:01:35,304
I'm just not as plugged in
anymore.
27
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:36,931
Well, sure you're plugged in.
28
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,308
You're the one who told us
about aloe vera.
29
00:01:41,143 --> 00:01:43,145
Am I just going to listen
to the same cassettes
30
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:45,898
and wear the same clothes
until the day I die?
31
00:01:45,897 --> 00:01:47,865
Well, not if they wear out.
32
00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:51,745
Hank, I don't want to be
one of those people
33
00:01:51,737 --> 00:01:54,160
who still writes checks
at the grocery store,
34
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:56,375
or wears sweatpants to the mall.
35
00:01:56,366 --> 00:01:58,118
Not yet.
36
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,962
You know, from the dates
on these tapes,
37
00:02:00,954 --> 00:02:05,300
I lost touch 12...
Nope, 13 years ago.
38
00:02:05,292 --> 00:02:06,589
I wonder what happened to me.
39
00:02:06,585 --> 00:02:08,087
Hey, guys.
40
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,713
Hmm, I guess we'll never know.
41
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:13,471
Hey, Dad?
42
00:02:13,467 --> 00:02:14,719
I was thinking.
43
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:17,096
One of the things
I like most about you
44
00:02:17,095 --> 00:02:19,848
is that you have
such good manners.
45
00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,145
Thank you.
46
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:24,020
There's this class I can
take that could teach me,
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00:02:24,019 --> 00:02:26,113
well, to be more like you.
48
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:29,070
What kind of class is that?
49
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:30,659
It's called cotillion.
50
00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,948
"Cotillion."
51
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:34,162
Isn't that where
the girls learn to curtsey
52
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,907
and wave their
handkerchiefs and whatnot?
53
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:39,035
The girls do that, and the boys
54
00:02:39,034 --> 00:02:41,036
learn to be little gentlemen.
55
00:02:41,036 --> 00:02:43,630
And it only takes six Saturdays.
56
00:02:43,622 --> 00:02:45,044
Uh...
57
00:02:45,207 --> 00:02:49,007
you know, Bobby, ROTC has
an after-school program.
58
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,881
They'll teach you manners
and military history.
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00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,598
I think that's a better option.
60
00:02:53,590 --> 00:02:54,967
(sighs)
61
00:02:54,966 --> 00:02:56,309
Here's the deal, Dad.
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00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,144
I'm in a dating rut.
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00:02:58,136 --> 00:03:00,138
Because of all my comedy bits,
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00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,015
I'm in the friend zone
65
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:03,358
with the girls at school.
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00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,695
Kids from all over Arlen take
cotillion classes.
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00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:09,987
It'll give me a chance
to meet new girls.
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00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:12,154
(sighs)
If this is just an elaborate way
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00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:14,994
for you to get to dress up
and parade around...
70
00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:16,533
I'm not going
to lie to you, Dad.
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00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,783
I am going to love it!
72
00:03:18,782 --> 00:03:21,376
But this girl problem is real.
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00:03:21,368 --> 00:03:25,123
Well, your handshake
could use a firmer grip,
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00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:27,124
and a faster upswing.
75
00:03:27,124 --> 00:03:28,592
Thanks, Dad!
76
00:03:31,378 --> 00:03:33,096
BOY:
Yee-ah! (laughs)
77
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:38,351
(indistinct conversations,
laughter)
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00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:43,099
Wow! A whole new
crop of girls.
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00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:44,771
And not one of them has seen my
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00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:47,736
"flatulent monkey visits
the post office" routine.
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00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:48,980
You know, Bobby,
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00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:51,152
I think the drunks say it best.
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00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:54,869
Sometimes you have to accept
the things you cannot change.
84
00:03:54,860 --> 00:03:57,033
Sure, you used to be
up on things,
85
00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,247
and maybe those days
are behind you,
86
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,163
but you still have value.
87
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,251
Huh?
88
00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:08,540
Hun Chin Ko.
Hun Chin Ko!
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00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,087
She can't wait to get started.
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00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,553
(sighs)
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00:04:21,553 --> 00:04:23,931
Rafters.
92
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,352
What can I get for you today?
93
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:29,353
Uh, I think I'll try
the meat loaf sandwich.
94
00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,150
You think or are you sure?
95
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:33,524
'Cause once I enter it in,
they start making it.
96
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:36,868
Yes, one meat loaf
sandwich, please.
97
00:04:42,324 --> 00:04:46,374
Uh, what's the procedure
to get a table?
98
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:49,122
Well, you just sit wherever
there's an open chair.
99
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,966
We're not "shee-shee"
here, it's a barn.
100
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,882
Oh, oh, there's, uh,
room at the big table.
101
00:04:56,922 --> 00:04:59,050
Uh, I, I-I don't think
you understand.
102
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,310
See, I'm not with those people.
103
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,850
No one's a stranger
at the Arlen Barn!
104
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:07,106
(sighs)
105
00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:13,822
Oh, did you hear?
106
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:15,691
With the new birth
control pills,
107
00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:18,910
you only have to have
one period a year.
108
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:20,449
That's good, 'cause that patch
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makes my boobs really sensitive.
110
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:29,462
Hm.
111
00:05:29,454 --> 00:05:32,128
Mmm...
How is it?
112
00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,591
Well, let me put it this way.
113
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This table smells like a diaper,
114
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and this is still the best meal
I've had in years.
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(smacking):
She loves chips.
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(glasses clinking)
117
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Anyone have an aspirin?
118
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All this clinking.
119
00:05:54,479 --> 00:05:55,901
You know, for a while now,
120
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,525
there's been something
in the bottom of my purse.
121
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:00,368
It's either an aspirin
or a breath mint.
122
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:03,159
Here it is... it's covered
in lint, but you can have it.
123
00:06:03,154 --> 00:06:04,326
I have some French aspirin.
124
00:06:04,322 --> 00:06:05,539
It's amazing.
125
00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:07,205
(gasps):
Cute!
126
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,793
Where did you get that?
127
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,129
This thing?
It was in the gift bag backstage
128
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:12,839
at the Gwen Stefani concert.
129
00:06:12,831 --> 00:06:13,957
There's separate compartments
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00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,130
for Eastern
and Western remedies.
131
00:06:16,126 --> 00:06:17,423
Gwen thought of everything.
132
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:18,762
Ooh! Really? Wow!
133
00:06:18,753 --> 00:06:19,970
Oh, I don't know her.
134
00:06:19,963 --> 00:06:21,340
I had to take
my daughter Michael.
135
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:24,309
Oh, I think you meant
your son Michael.
136
00:06:24,301 --> 00:06:25,518
You just said daughter.
137
00:06:25,510 --> 00:06:27,103
I-I think you meant son.
138
00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:30,606
Oh.
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00:06:30,599 --> 00:06:32,146
(gasps)
140
00:06:32,142 --> 00:06:34,144
Your bag is delicious!
141
00:06:34,144 --> 00:06:36,112
I've been looking
for one just like it.
142
00:06:36,104 --> 00:06:37,526
I know, right?
143
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,991
It's made out of vintage
Star Wars bedsheets.
144
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,155
My friend makes these.
145
00:06:41,151 --> 00:06:42,323
Well, she did,
146
00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:44,492
before she got cast
on Saturday Night Live.
147
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,615
Wow (chuckles).
148
00:06:47,949 --> 00:06:50,168
And that is the proper way
149
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to remove a lady's coat.
150
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,417
Do not yank!
151
00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:57,007
Whew!
152
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,547
Here we go.
153
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,966
May I take your coat, miss?
154
00:07:00,962 --> 00:07:02,714
INSTRUCTOR:
Eye contact!
155
00:07:02,714 --> 00:07:03,966
Yes, you may.
156
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,889
INSTRUCTOR:
Do not yank!
157
00:07:08,637 --> 00:07:10,139
Introductions!
158
00:07:10,138 --> 00:07:11,105
I'm Michael.
159
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:13,892
What if I told you
my name was Amanda?
160
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:16,145
It's not.
It's Bobby.
161
00:07:16,144 --> 00:07:17,942
(laughs)
You're funny.
162
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,155
That's major.
163
00:07:19,147 --> 00:07:20,569
"Major"?
164
00:07:20,565 --> 00:07:22,363
Sorry, they use it in Britain.
165
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,361
It means, you know, "cool."
166
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,159
Like perfume that
smells like dirt
167
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:27,952
or numbers used as letters.
168
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:33,128
Sure it's snake poison,
but it lasts longer than Botox.
169
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:35,713
(groans): Judging by
how long it took them
170
00:07:35,705 --> 00:07:37,628
to learn how to eat soup,
this junkhausen
171
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,877
could go on forever.
172
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,174
Who wants to go to this new wine
bar a block over?
173
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,094
Oh, that sounds great.
174
00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:48,135
There is nothing like
an afternoon Chardonnay.
175
00:07:48,134 --> 00:07:51,058
Uh... I'm not sure
if they still have that.
176
00:07:51,054 --> 00:07:54,149
They've got mostly Gruner
Veltliner and Spanish Duero.
177
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,562
Oh, well, whatever.
178
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,152
Pour it in a glass and throw
an ice cube and I'm happy.
179
00:07:58,144 --> 00:07:59,316
(chuckles)
180
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:00,438
You're fun.
181
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:01,610
You say what you think,
182
00:08:01,606 --> 00:08:02,858
like you're already drinking.
183
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,158
Now, I got
to warn you...
184
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,531
The DJ spins tons
of Danish prog rock,
185
00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:11,204
but usually it's stuff
you haven't heard.
186
00:08:11,199 --> 00:08:14,123
It seems like people who
already know about this place
187
00:08:14,119 --> 00:08:15,917
are the only ones
who could ever find it.
188
00:08:15,912 --> 00:08:18,665
Secrets are fun, huh, ladies?
189
00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:20,133
Yeah, about that.
190
00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:23,095
Can I get y'all to, um,
look away?
191
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:25,384
It's also a secret
where the doorbell is.
192
00:08:35,265 --> 00:08:37,939
He's trained
to remove the uncool.
193
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,151
I'm a goner.
194
00:08:39,144 --> 00:08:42,523
Okay, Peggy, reject them
before they reject you.
195
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,365
Uh, I just saw my ex!
196
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:45,654
I can't go in!
197
00:08:52,282 --> 00:08:54,284
(gasps)
We're in.
198
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:55,911
You bet I'm in.
199
00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,504
And I am never leaving.
200
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,553
Michael is the coolest girl.
201
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,846
She uses words we know
202
00:09:10,842 --> 00:09:13,140
in ways that you'd never expect.
203
00:09:13,136 --> 00:09:14,604
And her mother Katt!
204
00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:16,098
She is so hip!
205
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:19,146
She walks with this interesting
straight-legged saunter.
206
00:09:19,142 --> 00:09:20,985
I think I should start
doing that.
207
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:23,814
Stop that.
208
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,157
Your gait is fine the way it is.
209
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,447
I want Michael to be
my girlfriend.
210
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:30,992
And I want Katt
to be my girlfriend.
211
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,159
(sighs)
212
00:09:32,155 --> 00:09:33,873
Oh, I know it sounds silly,
213
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:36,038
but I need a friend like
Katt right now.
214
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:38,457
How great would it be
to have doors open for me
215
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:41,627
and people ask me what I like,
so they know what to like.
216
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:43,546
I would never be out
of the loop again.
217
00:09:43,541 --> 00:09:46,090
I'm excited for all of us!
218
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,725
Hank, I'm honored
that you'd want
219
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,389
to spend a weekend meal with us.
220
00:09:53,384 --> 00:09:55,057
Uh, no offense, Bill,
221
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:57,939
but I just need you
guys as a buffer.
222
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,353
The only table that's ever open
223
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:02,148
is the big table, and I
want to be surrounded.
224
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,111
Still honored.
225
00:10:05,355 --> 00:10:06,402
Go! Grab it!
226
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,698
(sighs):
Thank God.
227
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,446
That pregnant woman was fast,
228
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,073
but we wanted it more.
229
00:10:17,158 --> 00:10:18,535
Your surname "Babcock"?
230
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:20,879
No, it's Dauterive.
231
00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:22,588
Huh. You look like
you're a kin
232
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:23,877
of the Lubbock Babcocks.
233
00:10:23,873 --> 00:10:25,671
(gasps)
Tell me about them.
234
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:27,044
Well, there's Johnnie Babcock.
235
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:28,462
He's a racist.
236
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:29,678
Then there's Donita.
237
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:31,673
She works for
the water department.
238
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:34,806
How was school
today, Ms....
239
00:10:34,801 --> 00:10:36,144
Good-bye.
240
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,104
Hun Chin Ko, it's improper
241
00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,140
to say "good-bye"
unless the end
242
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,110
of the conversation
is mutually reached.
243
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,646
May we have
the next pair, please?
244
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,698
Hey!
245
00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:58,412
Hello, this is Robert Hill
246
00:10:58,408 --> 00:11:00,706
calling for
Ms. Michael Savage.
247
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,750
Is she available, please?
248
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,998
You are speaking
to Ms. Savage.
249
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,420
Hello, Mr. Hill.
250
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:08,384
Oh, Mr. Hill is my father.
251
00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:10,504
My friends call me Bobby.
252
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:13,552
You should call me Robert.
253
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:18,762
I, I know we just
met the other day,
254
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:21,139
but I feel like
I've known you forever.
255
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,141
I bet in no time we will be
256
00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:26,145
completing each other's...
257
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,316
Hi, again.
258
00:11:27,312 --> 00:11:28,689
I want to say Penny.
259
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,110
Peggy.
260
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,153
I must ask:
261
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:33,902
What is a contemporary woman
like yourself
262
00:11:33,902 --> 00:11:35,700
doing in this class?
263
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,789
I mean, cotillion
hasn't been cool for,
264
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,157
you know, five years.
265
00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:40,374
I know.
266
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,164
Cotillion isn't even retro.
267
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,084
But Michael wants me to throw
her a fancy birthday party.
268
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,624
So she's going to learn
grace and poise
269
00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,092
and all that "biz-naz."
270
00:11:49,083 --> 00:11:51,757
Really? You know who loves
birthday parties?
271
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,096
My son Bobby.
272
00:11:53,254 --> 00:11:55,882
He pins the tail on the donkey
like a surgeon.
273
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,134
We both do.
274
00:11:57,133 --> 00:11:59,977
You know, I still haven't
filled up my last table,
275
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:02,017
and the invites are being
delivered tomorrow.
276
00:12:02,013 --> 00:12:04,107
I should totally invite
some of you guys.
277
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:13,108
Hey, you know what
would make me happy?
278
00:12:13,274 --> 00:12:15,447
A meal at the Arlen Barn
279
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:19,118
with my family strategically
placed around me.
280
00:12:19,113 --> 00:12:21,957
Now, I warn you,
people will try to talk to you,
281
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:24,123
and that's fine,
just don't pull me in.
282
00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:25,836
We cannot go.
We're waiting to see
283
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,125
if we scored an invite
284
00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:29,089
to the children's
party of the decade!
285
00:12:29,082 --> 00:12:30,129
(sighs);
Okay,
286
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,876
Well, I guess I could just
287
00:12:31,876 --> 00:12:33,878
cover my ears with my hands,
288
00:12:33,878 --> 00:12:36,051
but then how would I...
289
00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,640
Headphones!
290
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:41,139
Mom, we have to get invited.
291
00:12:41,135 --> 00:12:43,558
It... would be... the best!
292
00:12:43,554 --> 00:12:44,305
It's true!
293
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:45,648
Oh, my God!
I know!
294
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,688
(both squealing)
295
00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,857
You two have lost your minds.
296
00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:51,820
(doorbell rings)
297
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:55,070
(gasps)
298
00:12:56,150 --> 00:12:58,118
Oh, it's just some box.
299
00:12:59,153 --> 00:13:00,370
(gasps)
300
00:13:00,363 --> 00:13:01,865
Wait a minute.
301
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,462
Whoo!
Whoo!
302
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:08,796
See, you are cool.
303
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,587
Hey, let's go celebrate
with a sandwich, superstar!
304
00:13:11,582 --> 00:13:12,799
Oh, no.
305
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,591
I have a long way
to go before I am cool.
306
00:13:15,586 --> 00:13:17,088
But I will get there.
307
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:18,715
(sighs)
308
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:22,143
Now, Bobby, we have to find out
309
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:25,685
what's "in," and
do/buy/read/hear/wear it.
310
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:29,480
We have got to "ba-ring" it
to this party!
311
00:13:34,522 --> 00:13:35,523
Those are great.
312
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:36,615
It's nice to see someone
313
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,075
not want the clear frames.
314
00:13:38,067 --> 00:13:40,115
I can't tell you how many people
come in and get those.
315
00:13:40,278 --> 00:13:41,871
They're so trendy.
I mean...
316
00:13:41,863 --> 00:13:43,865
I'll take the clear frames!
317
00:13:43,865 --> 00:13:46,243
According to a gadgets blogger
318
00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:49,462
named "Quaalude,"
this is the "it" vacuum.
319
00:13:49,454 --> 00:13:50,797
Are you sure?
320
00:13:50,788 --> 00:13:52,961
This one seems more space-agey.
321
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:56,427
Oh, no. Seeing the dust
swirl around is so over.
322
00:13:58,713 --> 00:13:59,965
"Frittatas."
323
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:01,136
Nope.
Never tried them.
324
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:03,476
Bill, the question is
not if you have
325
00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:06,392
tried them or not,
just if you have heard of them.
326
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,388
Sure, I've heard of them.
327
00:14:09,265 --> 00:14:10,107
"Cuddle parties."
328
00:14:10,266 --> 00:14:11,734
No.
Dang 'al nope.
329
00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:12,978
I have never heard of those.
330
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,114
"Julia Roberts' niece."
331
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,071
Nuh-uh. Does she also laugh
when she's startled?
332
00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,364
This is asinine.
333
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,613
Don't you think people should
like you for yourself,
334
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:25,161
and not because you know
all this nonsense?
335
00:14:25,156 --> 00:14:27,158
I cannot be myself, Hank.
336
00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:29,456
I like socks and Chardonnay.
337
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:32,129
(startled shout)
338
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:33,964
(hushed): Son, son, your
pants are falling down.
339
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:34,957
Here, I'll cover you.
340
00:14:36,834 --> 00:14:38,632
This is the style, Dad.
341
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:41,472
Don't worry, I'm wearing
two pairs of underwear.
342
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:44,968
Think of this outer underwear
as part of the pants.
343
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:46,514
How about you wear pants
344
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:49,060
and I'll think
about them as pants?
345
00:14:49,055 --> 00:14:51,683
Bobby, we are ready
for this party.
346
00:14:51,682 --> 00:14:54,606
I've even invented a word
for how ready we are.
347
00:14:54,602 --> 00:14:56,696
We're "rizzidy."
348
00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:05,742
(sighs):
This is so exciting!
349
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:07,160
This'll be the first time
350
00:15:07,156 --> 00:15:10,126
I've ever seen
Michael's bare hands!
351
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:13,713
And I am just four marble
stepping stones away
352
00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:15,547
from being Katt's BFF.
353
00:15:15,540 --> 00:15:18,089
That is "a friend
one is very loyal to."
354
00:15:19,877 --> 00:15:21,129
SOPHISTICATED MAN:
Ladies and gentlemen,
355
00:15:21,129 --> 00:15:23,131
(classical music playing)
making her grand entrance,
356
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:27,102
the birthday girl,
Michael Savage!
357
00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:29,683
Hills in the crib!
358
00:15:29,679 --> 00:15:31,352
Aw, yeah!
359
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:33,065
(music stops)
Heavens!
360
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,729
(screaming)
361
00:15:37,728 --> 00:15:39,321
(gasps)
362
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:41,865
(gasping)
363
00:15:41,858 --> 00:15:43,075
(snickering)
364
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:46,162
Aah! My party is ruined!
365
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,872
My life is over!
366
00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:50,037
Michael! Come back here!
367
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,471
Oh, this is so awful.
368
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:05,431
Maybe nobody noticed.
369
00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:09,098
Erase them!
Erase them!
370
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,140
Violet!
Cayden!
371
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:11,809
Check everybody's cell phone.
372
00:16:15,808 --> 00:16:18,152
Oh, Katt, I am so sorry.
373
00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:21,148
I thought this was
the appropriate attire.
374
00:16:21,147 --> 00:16:24,071
Look, I know you didn't mean
to show up and wreck
375
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:26,114
everything I worked
ten months for.
376
00:16:26,277 --> 00:16:28,154
Honestly, if it wasn't this,
377
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:30,248
she'd freak out
about something else.
378
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:33,209
Still, I... I regret
that we were the cause
379
00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,418
of her freak out.
380
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:35,957
And there she goes.
381
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:38,923
I got to go coax Michael down
from the tree house again.
382
00:16:40,666 --> 00:16:43,385
Y'all way ruined
Michael's party!
383
00:16:44,670 --> 00:16:46,047
This was supposed to be
384
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:48,049
the sickest party in the world!
385
00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:49,968
If this is a joke,
386
00:16:49,967 --> 00:16:52,095
it isn't funny, like, at all!
387
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:54,355
It is totally obstructive!
388
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:58,476
(gasps)
389
00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,397
I'd like to order
390
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,774
a meat loaf sandwich, please.
391
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,151
That won't be necessary.
392
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:07,993
I'd like it to go.
393
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,487
Sure. If you'll
just have a seat,
394
00:17:09,487 --> 00:17:11,114
we'll bring it right out to you.
395
00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:18,212
(sighs):
Never mind.
396
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:23,964
We have got to get out of here.
397
00:17:23,960 --> 00:17:25,803
I have never been
that humiliated
398
00:17:25,795 --> 00:17:27,468
in front of that many people.
399
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:29,056
I definitely have.
400
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:31,676
But still, that was pretty bad.
401
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:32,848
(footsteps approaching)
402
00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:34,140
Someone's coming!
403
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,934
Quick! In here.
404
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,559
I don't hate Kendice,
405
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,233
I'm just saying her
mother's a belly dancer.
406
00:17:44,105 --> 00:17:46,233
(relieved sigh)
Whew!
407
00:17:50,152 --> 00:17:51,119
Oh, my God.
408
00:17:51,279 --> 00:17:53,156
What is this place?
409
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:56,455
It looks like the lair
of a crazy human
410
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:58,748
or a smart animal.
411
00:17:58,744 --> 00:17:59,961
I know, right?
412
00:17:59,954 --> 00:18:01,001
Aah!
Oh, Lord!
413
00:18:00,997 --> 00:18:02,749
Oh, I swear,
we were not snooping,
414
00:18:02,748 --> 00:18:05,092
we, we were just trying
to find a way out.
415
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:06,802
(sighs)
416
00:18:06,794 --> 00:18:09,092
I never wanted anyone
to see this.
417
00:18:09,088 --> 00:18:11,136
I don't know, maybe I did,
418
00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,884
since I didn't keep it locked
or anything.
419
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:15,762
You're not going
to lock it now, are you?
420
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:18,139
Ah, being as cutting edge
as I am,
421
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:20,608
it's a full-time job.
Seriously.
422
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,570
I wake up when it's still dark
to watch the European news.
423
00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:25,404
Then I check in
with the club kids
424
00:18:25,396 --> 00:18:26,648
just before they go to bed.
425
00:18:26,647 --> 00:18:30,151
I read 142 blogs a day,
every day, every hour.
426
00:18:30,151 --> 00:18:32,370
And look at me,
I'm texting right now.
427
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,580
Huh. Wristbands are out.
428
00:18:34,572 --> 00:18:37,166
Sure, all of this seems crazy.
429
00:18:37,158 --> 00:18:40,128
But I don't know, I guess that's
the price you pay for glamour.
430
00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,372
I mean, look at this bag.
431
00:18:42,371 --> 00:18:44,373
Mm, that's an Uchi Tomagoi.
432
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,125
It's not coming out
for three months.
433
00:18:46,125 --> 00:18:47,126
I believe it.
434
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:48,924
It looks like
it's from the future.
435
00:18:48,919 --> 00:18:50,296
I want this bag,
436
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:52,594
that collage, your life!
437
00:18:52,590 --> 00:18:54,513
Trust me, you don't.
438
00:18:54,508 --> 00:18:57,136
See, I follow trends.
439
00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,763
All of them,
no matter what...
440
00:18:58,763 --> 00:19:00,140
Piercings, colonies,
441
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:02,392
trendy surgeries,
online affairs.
442
00:19:02,391 --> 00:19:04,143
I've even done some
street fighting.
443
00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:06,441
You think Katt Savage
is my real name?
444
00:19:06,437 --> 00:19:07,484
It's not.
445
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:08,777
It's Barb Davis.
446
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:13,778
And now...
447
00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:14,995
I'm free.
448
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:18,161
(laughs)
449
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,909
I-I do not understand.
450
00:19:19,909 --> 00:19:22,503
I knew I was drawn to you
for a reason.
451
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,122
I must've had
a subconscious need
452
00:19:24,121 --> 00:19:26,044
to break away from all this.
453
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,044
Oh... so, I am so "uncool,"
454
00:19:29,043 --> 00:19:31,091
I snapped you
out of your hip trance?
455
00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:33,096
Exactly.
456
00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:36,099
Peggy, you aren't
driven by trends
457
00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,515
or fashion or snarky Web sites.
458
00:19:38,511 --> 00:19:40,104
You don't need to be.
459
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,560
You are your own person.
460
00:19:42,556 --> 00:19:44,479
And I think that's way cool.
461
00:19:46,644 --> 00:19:49,363
Well, come
to think of it, so do I.
462
00:19:49,355 --> 00:19:52,529
So, what are regular people
into these days?
463
00:19:52,525 --> 00:19:54,744
For starters,
we buy all our makeup
464
00:19:54,735 --> 00:19:56,032
at the grocery store.
465
00:19:57,905 --> 00:19:59,452
What about me and Michael?
466
00:19:59,448 --> 00:20:01,450
Are we, uh...?
467
00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:05,212
We are not.
468
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,966
MAN (on TV): I had a nightmare
I was being chaste.
469
00:20:08,958 --> 00:20:10,801
MAN 2 (on TV):
Who was chasing you?
470
00:20:10,793 --> 00:20:11,919
No "chaste."
471
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:14,138
As in "no intercourse."
It was horrible.
472
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,632
TEENAGE BOY (on TV):
What's "intercourse"?
473
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:17,133
Is that like a car race?
474
00:20:17,133 --> 00:20:19,352
(both laughing)
475
00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,311
(phone ringing)
476
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:24,648
Hill residence.
477
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:27,109
May I speak
to "Mr. Robert Hill?"
478
00:20:27,268 --> 00:20:28,861
This is he.
479
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:32,153
"I am calling
because I would like
480
00:20:32,148 --> 00:20:33,866
to ask you out on a date."
481
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:35,656
Yes! (gasps)
482
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:38,120
May I ask who's calling?
483
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:43,784
(window whirring)
484
00:20:43,784 --> 00:20:45,752
It's done.
485
00:20:47,913 --> 00:20:49,130
Ah! Great.
486
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:50,090
Money first.
487
00:20:58,132 --> 00:20:59,475
What the...?
488
00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:00,764
Uh, they gave it to me
489
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,854
and it had a bite
out of it, you know.
490
00:21:02,845 --> 00:21:04,097
(window whirrs)
491
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:07,562
(sighs)
492
00:21:12,146 --> 00:21:15,741
Mmm-mm-mm!
493
00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:56,199
COTILLION INSTRUCTOR:
Do not yank!
494
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:07,500
Ripped By mstoll
495
00:22:07,550 --> 00:22:12,100
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